Rise & BUILD Through the Unexpected: A Father’s Journey with Brandon Boyd

In this heartfelt episode of Rise & BUILD Through the Unexpected, Kendra sits down with author and father Brandon Boyd to share the deeply personal journey of raising his son, Ben, who is nonverbal and has a disability.

Brandon reflects on the early days when Ben began missing developmental milestones around 9 months old and the fears that followed—the uncertainty of a diagnosis, questions about the future, and the emotional weight of not knowing what life would look like for their family. He speaks honestly about the pressure he felt to “fix” things and how, over time, he realized he was so focused on helping Ben catch up that he wasn’t fully enjoying Ben for who he was.

Together, Kendra and Brandon discuss the different ways parents often respond to challenges. While Brandon focused on solutions and progress, his wife became the steady force managing therapy appointments, schedules, and the day-to-day rhythms that helped their family move forward. Their story highlights the importance of partnership, grace, and learning how to navigate parenting together—even when processing things differently.

The conversation also touches on the financial realities many families face while raising a child with special needs, the importance of connecting with a caseworker early, and how resources like ministry support and SoonerCare helped provide stability during difficult seasons.

Brandon also shares about their younger son, Ethan, and the ways growing up alongside Ben shaped him into a patient, empathetic, and compassionate young man. From balancing the unique needs of two very different children to learning how to “divide and conquer” as parents, this episode offers an honest look into the beauty and challenges of family life.

Most importantly, Brandon opens up about protecting your marriage while raising a child with disabilities, finding support in community, and recognizing that while the journey may not be easy, families do not have to walk it alone.

This episode is a powerful reminder that growth doesn’t always look the way we imagined—and sometimes the greatest transformation happens when we stop trying to change our children and start fully delighting in who they already are.

🌐 Learn more about Brandon’s story and resources here:
Delighting in Ben

For more Aha Moments visit https://buildingallchildren.org/podcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome. My name is Kendra Morgan, and I'm the host of the Rise and Build Podcast, where we hope to empower you to rise up and build a strong family, knowing you have to strengthen your hands to do the good work. Come with us as we rise and build. Hey you guys, welcome to the Rise and Build Podcast. I am so excited about today. I am setting across from Brandon Boyd, who is a father and an author and a husband and helps with ministry. So there is a lot to talk about. Today's topic is Rise and Build Through the Unexpected and a Father's Journey Raising Ben. Brandon, thank you. I'm so excited that you are here. So before we get started and jump into your book, which you're an author, how does that sound?

SPEAKER_01 0:51

It's still very surreal. Yes. It doesn't compute yet. But yeah, it's true. It's happening. We'll be ready in April.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Okay. So we're going to dive into that because I really think every family needs to hear what you have to share. But before we do that, I want to know, I want them to know about you. So talk about you.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Okay. Well, I've known the Morgans a long time.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

And Kendra's husband, Ryan,'s been one of my best friends for years. We met each other in grade school. But a little bit of my story is I grew up in Oklahoma City, had two parents and a sister. Grew up next to the Greens Country Club in Northwest Oklahoma City, and spent a lot of time up there playing tennis.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

So that's kind of how I spent most of my days as a kid. Was you know carrying a racket around, play competitively. And later, you know, would go to college, go to Oklahoma State.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

And pledge a fraternity called Sigma New, which wasn't the most helpful to me. I was a really young believer in Christ. And I, you know, went the wrong direction for the next year or two in college. So that was a struggle. But God used that to kind of open my eyes to help me see that his path is far better than my own path in life. So graduated college, and towards the end of graduation, I was I got involved with a ministry called Crew, who I'm still currently on staff with, been serving with them for about 28, 29 years. And but with Crew, I, you know, got connected there and they get began to help me really grow in my relationship with Christ, got involved in a good church, a countryside, which was really helpful in my spiritual just growth, and got to go on a summer mission with crew.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

And experience God using me to encourage others in their faith.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

And to give people who don't know Christ opportunities to know him, which I love doing. So God inspired me to join staff full-time. So started serving with serving with this ministry since I graduated college, was a TCU for a while, been in Oklahoma State now 25 years, and met my wife on staff with our ministry. Yes. My wife, Jennifer, and she went to LSU and she was on staff at Baylor while I was a TCU. We met at a regional conference and I noticed her. Apparently, she would say she noticed me, which is nice to know.

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

We began to date about a year later. We were both in Colorado with crew doing a taking some seminary classes. Yeah. And did some group dates a couple times and quickly realized I have got to really pursue this gal. Yes. And so we'll never forget it. We were at a Colorado Rockies game, and I just knew after hanging out for like five or 10 minutes, I've got to ask her out.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:49

And did in the rest is history. We got married in 2001. We have two boys, Benjamin and Ethan. You know, Ben is 21, who we're talking about today.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

And Ethan have another son named Ethan, who's 19, who's a freshman of Baylor.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

And both my boys are such a blessing, such a joy, and just excited to be here today to talk about.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Just this book that God's clearly just called me to write and to encourage other parents. And just want to, you know, lift our eyes to give us all hope.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

That you know, parenting is not easy.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

But there's a lot of different helps out there, including building all children, to help people really thrive as parents. And I love just kind of being a part of this, letting God use this book to encourage others who need hope and encouragement and need to know that hey, that there can be great life found even with the son or daughter with a disability.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

That they're they're more of a blessing than a burden.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

Yeah. Yeah, I love it. So let's talk about Ben a little bit. Um, I I love Jen. Like your wife is the best of the best. Um, and really our lives have kind of done a full full circle, which just shows how cool the Lord is. But um, I mean, you and Ryan have been friends forever. You were in our wedding, Ryan was in your guys' wedding, um, and then our oldest daughter went to OSU, and Jen ended up ministering and mentoring Maggie because Maggie was so involved in crew, and Maggie kind of became a leader in crew. Um, and so we're big fans of crew. Like we love the ministry that you guys are doing because we see the impact that it makes in these college kids for sure. But I love that the Lord has called you to write a book because it's so out of your comfort zone, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:45

For sure.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Um, probably not something you ever thought you would do.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

No, I I barely kind of made it through school. And so never imagine writing a book. I've had lots of help to do this well.

SPEAKER_02 5:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

And God just really clearly, a little over a year ago, made it clear he wanted me to tell Ben's story and how God's uniquely used him in my life to encourage others.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

I love it. And I you've let Ryan and I read portions of it. It's so good, Brandon. Like I cannot wait for families that need to hear a little bit of encouragement. It it's just so well written. And so you can't put it down because it's it's just so good. But let's talk about Ben. Um, when's the first time you and Jen knew something wasn't right?

SPEAKER_01 6:36

I would say, you know, we heard some things when he was born that day about some physical abnormalities, didn't think much of it then.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Look back later when we heard from our pediatrician at nine months old that he wasn't meeting certain milestones.

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

So begin to, you know, all that I guess became a reality that, yeah, something's not this, you know, Ben is not typical.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Or neural, you know, typical. And that we need to take some steps now to see some specialists to identify what might be attributing or contributing to this delay of these milestones. And so that began the journey of seeing lots of different doctors and specialists and eventually therapists to try to help Ben continue to really mature and grow and meet the next milestone as best we could.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

And, you know, to reach his kind of ceiling as a person, to, to thrive, especially relationally. I think the biggest thing any parent wants for their child is that they can experience relationships because life is relational.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:43

And we want our our kids to have healthy relationships with friends, yeah. You know, with us as parents.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

And that was probably my greatest dream.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

Yeah. And what about as you're going through the doctors and through the therapist and you didn't have a lot of answers at first? Was it hard when you didn't have the answers? Once you got the diagnosis, like kind of the genetic testing was done. Was it easier once you kind of knew where talk to me about your fears along the way?

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Well, I think you know, what you fear is you start thinking about the next thing I thought about was what's going to become of Ben if something happens to me and Jen. You start thinking about that a little bit. Right. But you're mostly just kind of hyper-focused on fixing Ben. Yeah. As a dad, you're focusing, you're focused on fixing. Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

You want to fix it.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

The problem, in the problem at that time, the biggest problem to me was his speech.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

That I want to be able to talk with my son.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

And have a relationship with my son. I thought that was essential to that. And so that was one of the things, one of my biggest fears was that maybe that would never come. Right. A speech, which it hasn't. Then it's nonverbal.

SPEAKER_03 8:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

And so that was a concern. And the when we had the genetic testing done, you know, that was about, they couldn't really tell you just all the genes in the body till, you know, Ben was, I think, 11, 12 years old. So that would have been about 10, 12 years ago, back in 2012, 13, that we understood then he was, he was the FOX P1 gene was deleted or mutated in Ben.

SPEAKER_03 9:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

And so that just kind of helped us give us clarity that nothing happened in the womb.

SPEAKER_03 9:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

This was what which I know was kind of weighing on my wife. Did she contribute to this?

SPEAKER_03 9:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Was kind of a it was confirmation that no. This is this is kind of what God has allowed and how he's kind of uniquely wired, and that there's still, though, much good to come. That we we still have this precious guy in front of us that though there was a lot of fears, uncertainties, that we wanted, you know, just to just to enjoy Ben.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

To enjoy Ben and to to continue to try to help him thrive and take the next step to become all that he, you know, can be, could be. So there was lots, there was, and there were certainly lots of just fears of, you know, what what is his ceiling? You know, what how much progress can he make?

SPEAKER_03 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

So it was it was a really tough time.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Just processing the next step. And then as you hear from all these doctors, you know, what to do, you're hearing a thousand different things. Sure. So you kind of pick the the one or two next best things that you feel like will be most helpful to your son or daughter.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

And you guys traveled to get him to therapy. I mean, you guys went, you would, you would do anything for him. So you anything they told you, you and I mean you and Jen did.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

We did, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Could you talk to me a little bit about like Jen's perspective? I mean, I know you can't talk for her. Yeah. Um, but as a I can relate probably more to as a mom than I can a dad. What what was Jen feeling through all this?

SPEAKER_01 10:52

I think she was trying to get out of front of things a little bit, just knowing that I was focused on fixing Ben. Yeah. She was kind of focused on the worst case scenario. What do we need to do? What are our next steps? She's trying to hold the family together.

SPEAKER_03 11:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

The family calendar, the next therapy appointment.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:09

So I think that I was grieving a lot early on. I grieved a lot the first two or three years. She grieved some for sure. She would say she grieved a lot too. But she was also thinking about the next thing, keeping the family calendar and wanting to do all things right, hoping that all the right things will help Ben catch up and really flourish, whatever that means. And so that was, I think, her thinking early on, and even continued for many years after Ben's diagnosis with autism.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

Yeah, she kind of was the one doing, I mean, because you both work full-time, but she was the one doing a lot of the therapy appointments.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Taking them to person to person and hearing kind of the next step.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Um what about uh financially? What is it like to have a kid in therapy? And you're both in ministry and what did that do to your family?

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Yeah, I think just something good for parents to know who are caring for caring for a son or daughter with a disability is there's a lot of helps out there. You have to maybe get your name on a list to receive these helps, financial help from the state or from the government. So very important to note early on to get your name on that list. But we thankfully, with our ministry, we had good insurance. And because of SoonerCare, they cover whatever the whatever the gap is from insurance. So we really weren't too strained financially, weren't too worried about that.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

Thankfully.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

But you got connected to SoonerCare because someone got you through TefRet, got you through the whole paperwork.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

That's right. So you need that caseworker, and that caseworker is the best signing board for you to help you take the next steps to make sure you kind of get out in front of things and get on waiting lists and things like that to get all the help you can receive financially.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

And just, you know, therapy-wise.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah. Can we talk a little bit about Ethan? Sure. Ethan is your youngest son. Um, Ethan and our youngest son are the same age. Um, and so those boys are awesome. But let's talk about Ethan and what Ethan, what what has Ethan's life been like? We hear it a lot here at Building All Children, where the families have a sibling that's in a lot of therapies and the other sibling is along for the ride. And so, what is it, what is it taught Ben or taught Ethan about Ben? What's their relationship like? Let's talk a little bit about Ethan.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Sure. So, yeah, Ethan, just like Ben, though they're very different, are such a blessing, such a joy to Jennifer and I. Yeah. Such a such a joy. And so, but you kind of have to discover, as parents know, to identify what do your kids enjoy. Yeah. Expose them to a lot of different things as they're young, youth sports, arts and crafts, whatever it might be, to find out what kind of makes them come alive. Yeah, what makes them really come alive and things they really thrive in. And so with Ethan, and we tried a lot of different things with him, and he loved playing some basketball, loved some football. And then we've, you know, one thing that's been the hardest thing for me as a father with Ben is grieving the fact that Ben doesn't care about football. We took him to his first football game when he was two. He freaked out. We had to take him out of the stadium pretty quickly.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

It was loud, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

It was loud, so that didn't work. So we've had to find things that Ben enjoys doing that I don't necessarily enjoy. But with Ethan, we both love watching thunder basketball. Yeah. We both love watching football and going to football games. And so that's been something we've bonded around. But Ethan has been a s I think it's been really fun to watch how he treats his brother, handles his brother.

SPEAKER_03 14:43

Sweet.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Very patient. Not always patient, but very patient, very kind, gracious with brother and all his noise. Ben loves his iPads. Yeah. And it's noisy at times, his music and and videos. So Ben has been Ethan has been especially patient with Ben and empathy. I think that Ben, you know, Ethan is especially empathetic with his brother, and God even inspired him, I would say, to go serve at a camp in Missouri called Barnabas to serve kids with a disability, you know, like his brother, that he chose to do that. So I just have a lot of respect for Ethan.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

Yeah, I do too.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

And so encouraged by him and the person he's becoming. And God's used Ben to really help him just grow in character and growing in empathy, and slowing down a little bit, paying attention to people.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

And because his brother makes us all slow down. Yeah. And really enjoy the moment. And you can't hurry, Ben.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

And so we've all learned to slow down as a family.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

When you have two boys that are so different, did you find yourself like Jen would take one and you would take the other? How did you make the family dynamics work?

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Sometimes, especially around the holidays, where that was always tricky to go into family members' houses where Ben did not do well, you know, just with all the people in the house, would want to be outside, so we couldn't stay long. So we would take two cars to see family at you know holiday gatherings or birthday gatherings. And so Jennifer and I would have to divide and conquer some. Yeah. Maybe taking Ethan to a to a sporting event. And but we've tried as best we can. It's not been, we've not got it just right, but we really have tried to make sure Ethan does not feel marginalized. Yeah. He feels seen, cared for, pursued.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

And that we have tried to, we don't worry about trying to balance all the time, but try to spend meaningful time with both our boys and do things they enjoy.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

And to build that relationship that they feel, you know, just as valuable, just as important as the next kid.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

Yeah, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 16:42

As the next person.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

I love it. Let's talk about the book.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Okay. So the Lord has called you to write a book.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

What what's the title?

SPEAKER_01 16:51

The title is Delighting in Ben.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

Okay, I love it. Um and tell us, tell us the process of that. Like you kind of got a nudge to write a book. Did you tell Jen? Like what's the process?

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah. Okay. So a good friend of mine, a mentor of mine named David English, encouraged me to write things down along the way that God was teaching me from Ben.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

So I was I've been writing things down for several years.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

And we're driving to Louisiana to see in-laws for Thanksgiving a little over a year ago, and God brought to mind, just brought to mind it's time to tell Ben's story and how I've uniquely used him in your life.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

And so there was never a vision for a book until that moment. Wow. And the Lord just brought that to mind, and I just started crying. I mean, I I cried for the next several minutes and really since it was of the Lord, and God only affirmed that along the way, just caused me to think about it, to get excited about it, and then brought all a lot of lot of great people around me to help me do it well.

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

From people who helped financially to make it happen to those who have helped edit and just give feedback. And so here we are. And this was never my idea. That you know, Ben wasn't my idea.

SPEAKER_03 17:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

The book wasn't my idea. This was God in my opinion, that I really believed it was God's idea.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Sure. No, I do too. So let's talk a little bit about the book. So let's talk, I mean, not all the chapters, but just it's kind of start to finish where you how you how Ben has been in your life and how he's blessed you guys in so many ways.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

Um, so let's talk about just kind of give us a summary of the book, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Okay, I I would say, you know, one of the main stories, one of the biggest life lessons I've learned from Ben happens in the fifth chapter in the book where I talk about this, but I was so focused on the early years when Ben was first diagnosed when we realized he was way behind, focused on fixing Ben.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

So I wasn't enjoying Ben the way I should have, should have been.

SPEAKER_03 18:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

I missed out on really enjoying Ben when he was young, like I wanted to. I missed out.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Um when my other son was born two years later that that I wasn't as engaged with him, maybe, there in his first two years of his life because I was so focused on fixing Ben.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

I wanted to hear Ben's voice. I wanted to interact with my son.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:19

So I was so focused on that. And then it it there came a point. We we came to Tulson um to go on a therapy appointment here in when Ben was five or six.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

And we were at McDonald's. We're sitting at this McDonald's, and uh, you know, Ben, we had to bring his sandwiches, he doesn't eat normal food.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

We made his sandwiches, we're sitting down at McDonald's before the therapy appointment. And we were sitting across the table. Ben is nonverbal, right? And a lot of times I'd be concerned about others' opinions of us and or others noticing his awkward sounds or noises. I wasn't worried about it this day. I was just really locked in with Ben, just enjoying being with my son.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Just you know, being with my son and delighting in him and enjoying him in the moment, just being together. And then in that moment, God brought to mind that Brandon, this is how I feel about you.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

That not only do I love you, but I enjoy you, I like you, I delight in you as a son. Yeah, I love being with you. Yeah, if you will just choose to interact with me and be present with me, like you are with Ben right this moment. So I left there just another moment where I just I'm bawling. Yeah, it was a really profound, life-changing moment that's inspired the book, Delighting in Ben.

SPEAKER_03 20:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

Because God delights in us, and we're to delight in each other the way he delights in us. So I call my wife crying.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Just crying like Jen, you're not gonna believe what just what what God just taught me. That I knew that he loved me because I have a I've had a dad that's modeled that well for me, always in my corner. But I didn't understand that God likes me, who I am, everything about me.

SPEAKER_02 21:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Not every decision I make, but likes everything about me.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

And just loves being together and invites me to be with him all the time. But I have to choose to interact with him. In how we do that through prayer, through spending time at God's Word, being in community with others, yeah, that also share our faith in Christ. And and I respect if you don't, if you're not sure what you think about Jesus, that's okay. But I believe he invites us all to be in relationship with him.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

And and wants us to experience this joy and delight. Yeah, this love of God.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

So the time at McDonald's was kind of the first time that you you just were present and really enjoyed setting across from Ben.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

I would say that was one of the first times. Where I wasn't worried about fixing Ben about the next therapy moment, but just enjoying.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

That's right. It was just you just loved him wholeheartedly.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

For who he is, not a future version of Ben or a hope-for version of Ben. For who he is.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

And the Lord's kind of taught me to love others this way. Because that's how God loves us.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

Yeah, so sweet.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

He is unconditional. He's always in our corner.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

It invites us to be in relationship with him.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Yeah. What's an average day like with Ben?

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Great question. I think it's interesting. So, you know, Ben, we still have to do almost everything for Ben, help him dress. He needs all the self-help skills, you know, from Jen and I to come alongside him. Okay. He loves the garage door. Okay. So we play with the garage door every day. We burn out some motors and some parts. We're on speed dial with overhead door and still water.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

But the dude loves the garage door for whatever reasoning. Opening and closing. Opening and closing. He thinks that's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

So therefore we think it's awesome. We enjoy with him.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

We love it.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

He loves car rides.

SPEAKER_02 23:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

I mean, we'll ask to go on a car ride because he loves looking at trucks and all the things along the road that you and I don't notice. That Ben notices all the details.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

Ben is very observant. Yeah. So I've learned to be more observant.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

Love that.

SPEAKER_01 23:20

So, but another just other things about our day, you know, Ben thankfully is a pretty good sleeper. He wasn't a good sleeper for his first 11 years, was not a good sleeper. Okay. Has become one.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

Good.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Praise God. We're grateful. And but we have to do all his meals. We have to give him a bath at night. And but there's a lot of laughs along the way, a lot of special moments. We love to dogpile him when we put him to bed and just laugh. And he's got a great belly laugh and a great smile, great sense of humor.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

And but we have to kind of pay attention to these things because he's not verbal. We got to pay attention to all the little things.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

And as a parent with a child with special needs, you learn to do that.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

To appreciate the little bit of progress, the sweet little moments.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

That, you know, where there's a smile, you know, an engagement through smiling or a laugh, a joke that you guys enjoy together.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

A moment.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

I love it. He loves to swim, loves the water.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

Loves the pool, loves water.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

So you guys put in a pool for him.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

Loves the pool. We had to actually invite some pool companies to help us do that. Okay. And so one was gracious to give us 50% off an in-ground pool.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Love it.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Amazing.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

So don't be afraid to ask for things. Ask for help from family or friends or just things your kids enjoy. So that was a nice surprise, and they customized it for Ben. He loves it. And that's where he best engages with our family. So that was another reason why we asked for that. That he best engages with our family in a contained environment.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Kids with autism love being alone a lot.

SPEAKER_03 24:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

That's where they can be engaged with the family and really bond. And that's how we bond with Ben is in the pool or in the car. Yeah. Those are special contained environments that we can enjoy together as a family, even I love it.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

I love it. Well, your book is so well done. And Jennifer wrote a chapter as well.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

She did.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

So it's got, I think the power of the book is it's so healthy for other dads and fathers to read your book because it's it's just got so many little nuggets in it that are so helpful. But I also love that Jen got to write a little bit and write her perspective on some of it. I have not read that part. Um what what inspired that piece?

SPEAKER_01 25:39

I think we wanted moms to hear from a mom.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Though I think a lot of the things I share, I've heard from others you can still relate to that you will feel seen in the book, even if you're a mom, but it's angled towards dads. But I wanted women to hear from moms to hear from Jen.

SPEAKER_03 25:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Her perspective, her viewpoint, which I think is so helpful. Yeah. And just some of her struggles and challenges.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

You know, with our situation, our life situation, and just some help she needed along the way.

SPEAKER_03 26:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:08

To stay healthy personally, spiritually, emotionally.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

And so we just we really want this to lift everybody's boats that you we need people in it with us.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

We need others who even understand our lives who are also caring for somebody with a disability. Yeah. We need somebody we can process our journey with.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Who gets us, who truly gets those those challenges. Yeah. We need others too, our close friends and family. Sure. But we need somebody who really understands the challenges emotionally.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Would you say it was a lonely feeling?

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Very lonely feeling.

unknown 26:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Very lonely. So back in, you know, 2004, 5, that that time frame, there were nowadays we have all the virtual support groups online that you can take advantage of. Things for dads, things for moms.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

That they were not available back then.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

And so you were very isolated.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

And you didn't know who to talk to about it.

SPEAKER_03 27:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

You might know a few people, but you may not really connect with those people. Right. Or they live outside of, you know, your your hometown.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Yeah, or the people don't understand really what you're going through either. So it I'm sure at times you did feel lonely. How would you say you your marriage s survived it? I know the percentage is high. Yeah. That they don't a lot of families don't make it with a child, you know, that what what would you say you guys? I mean, obviously you both are believers and you have the center of Christ in the center, but what what'd you do to protect your marriage?

SPEAKER_01 27:39

You know, I think just trying to have short accounts with each other, we had to show each other a lot of grace. Yeah. And what helped Jennifer and I, just to be honest with you all, is Ephesians 4 32, to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ Jesus has forgiven you.

SPEAKER_03 27:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:57

So as I've been able to experience the grace of God, love of God, it enables me to be quick to show grace to Jen. It's enabled her to show to be quick to show grace to me. Yeah. Even to our boys. You know, we ran out of patience with our boys. Yeah. Especially Ben at times, especially in the early years.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

It was very challenging. And so that short accounts, we've had to get out of the house some. We try to support each other to get out, be with friends, do things that are life-giving.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

And that's helped us to stay healthier emotionally.

SPEAKER_03 28:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

And just spiritually and physically, going to the gym to work out, those things are essential to stay healthy.

SPEAKER_03 28:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

But short accounts, um, we would try to make the most of meals, even grabbing a lunch from time to time, because evenings you're tired.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

So you kind of have to find what works for you and your husband or or wife that works well for you guys where you guys can engage and talk about your family, talk about your relationship with each other. And it'd be intentional to continue to cultivate that relationship with your spouse and not take them for granted. Yeah. Which is so easy to do and just focus on the kids.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

Yeah. What is the whole reason that you wrote your book, Brandon? What's your hope with it?

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Well, I feel like I'm Ben's voice. I wanted my family and friends especially to know Ben's story.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

And what a blessing he is to us, how much we've learned from him about life, about relationship with God, and wanted to encourage families like ours and just any family in general. I think there's a lot that you know can be learned, you know, from Ben to encourage others. And I think the most important thing is I want to give people hope. Hope now, practical helps now. Those who are right in the middle of it.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:37

And they just got recently got a diagnosis about a child.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

I want to encourage them now.

SPEAKER_03 29:42

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

That there's hope now. There's hope for the future.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

And there are a lot of helps out there now.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

People can take advantage of that we didn't know about that are available now to join, you know, virtual groups online with other parents just to process life to know you're not alone.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

You're not alone. And you learn from each other.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

Even just to get to process your thoughts. That's something I wish I was able to do when Ben was young that I didn't do.

SPEAKER_03 30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

All my emotions were bottled up.

SPEAKER_03 30:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

And so I felt depressed a lot. Right. I felt depressed a lot for two or three years. And if I had somebody to process that with who really understood my life, that would have helped me grieve along the way. Right. It wouldn't have been bottled up as much.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

I love it. I love it. We always end with the scripture. Do you have a scripture you want to share?

SPEAKER_01 30:27

I do. I would say, and this kind of flows out of the book. This is kind of one of the big ideas, is that, you know, God delights in us. God delights in us and wants us to be his companion, to enjoy relationship with him. In Matthew 11, 28, he invites us all to come. He says, Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

SPEAKER_03 30:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

Spiritual rest. I would say emotional rest, physical rest.

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

That Jesus is restful to be with, and everyone's invited to come.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

To find life, to find relationship and hope in Him.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

I love it. We will have your book linked to this podcast because I think a lot of families really need to take the time and read it. And I want it to be easy for them to get. So we will have a link so that they can purchase your book and read it. Brandon, thank you. Thank you for opening up and sharing. I love just the whole realism of this story. And I love how Ben is Ben is amazing and has taught you guys so much.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

Kendra, it's an honor to be here. So grateful that you had me on.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

Yeah, thank you.