Grief Series, Episode 2: A Void That Fuels Me

In the second episode of Chasing Destiny’s Grief Series, Dez sits down with hip-hop artist Milli’ano (Million$) for a deeply raw and layered conversation about loss, identity, and turning pain into purpose.

Milli’ano opens up about losing both of his parents at a young age, describing grief not just as pain, but as a void that shapes how he moves through life. He reflects on moments of confusion, numbness, and emotional overwhelm, while also sharing how he’s learned to transform that grief into motivation, fueling his music, his fatherhood, and his drive to build something greater than himself.

Through honest storytelling, he speaks on surviving dark thoughts, finding support in community, and the ongoing journey of learning how to feel, express, and grow. This episode explores what it means to carry grief while still choosing purpose, and how even the heaviest losses can create a deeper sense of intention and legacy.

 Catch every episode of Chasing Destiny on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. Subscribe, follow, and stay locked in. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

When we're kids, I think we take for granted what feelings really are. And unless you have support, it may be difficult to even label some of the things that we are feeling. And I think that grief is one of those things that we don't know we're experiencing in our youth. That was highlighted to me in my conversation with millions. And it got me to thinking about what were some of the things that I experienced as a child. And listening to his story, I realized that grief doesn't have to be something heavy that you sit in. It could also be a motivating force. So I've been contemplating grief a lot, and I've been in a season where I've been sitting with it and really just trying to make sense of how it affects our daily lives. Um I'm curious as to what you think grief is and how you define it.

SPEAKER_00 1:39

So grief I'm real familiar with it, but to me when I hear that word, it just means um just a loss of something. And you don't quite it's like a void.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

If I had to give m give it my own definition, it'll be a void. But I'm very familiar with grief though.

SPEAKER_02 2:00

I kinda I kinda agree with you. It does feel like a void, like something's missing. But both parents before before you were even an adult.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah, and I'm 28 now, so I realize the older I get, um it's like the grief also It's like damn, I'm fucked up.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

I it it'll have you like that.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:22

It will.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Like I'm fucked up trying to put it in words because it's just all even when I hear, it's like I try to run from grief a lot, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

But I also try to flip my perspectives of it. And I was saying like the older I get, I'm 28 now, and I just realized, you know how they say like God give his hardest battles to the strongest soldiers.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

You feel me? So all the grief I went through, it kind of got me to this point to be able to appreciate every little thing I've been through too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

You say you flip your perspective on it. Do you mean like you don't sit with the feeling or or you've completely redefined what grief could feel like and mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Yeah, I feel like a little bit of both because I you know, grief for me, even like right now I'm feeling so many emotions trying to explain what it is for me. Yeah. Because um, it kind of made me numb. To uh at a point I didn't want to feel because like it was too too much to feel, you feel me? So with me trying to turn myself numb, it's like um I just shut down, you feel me? But also, not like I I keep talking about I'm older, so I'm able to appreciate the grief. And another perspective is I try to use it as motivation to push me forward. So like um, like I said, I lost both of my parents. So I use my grief as like a goal, uh, uh something uh for me to make sure that I'm leaving the right path for these people who I come from. You feel me? Like the right you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_02 4:02

What are you feeling right now? I'm getting like what are you feeling right now?

SPEAKER_00 4:06

So right now I'm feeling a whole bunch of lot of things. I'm feeling I'm feeling pressure, I'm feeling um, I'm feeling a little bit of overwhelm, you feel me? Yeah. Just with like a lot of things that I'm dealing with in my life, you feel me?

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

And I'm feeling um I'm feeling happy too, all at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

It's true. Two two completely opposite things can be true at the same time. Yeah. How do you feel like how do you feel like grief has been playing a fact in your everyday life? Like is it is it something that's one of those extra emotions that's weighing on you too?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

In my everyday life, I definitely think grief play a big part on me. So like um, I have a daughter and like I said, I lost I keep going back to this 'cause it's like I mean it's pivotal, it's it's pretty paramount. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

In like the way your life is going, so mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

So me having my daughter, I try to make sure that I'm instilling everything in her that I could day to day. And she's only nine years old, but I lost my parents before I was a a full adult. But I know it was a lot of things that they got to teach me, and just it kinda give me a sense of I ain't gonna be here forever. You feel me? So I I use that grief to to keep me pushing and being intentional with my time too. So like when I'm with my daughter, if I'm working on my music, uh just any project I won't do. If I think about it, I try to hurry up and put it out and just be intentional with everything. Because I know like I won't be here forever, you feel me? Yeah. And I don't want to just keep putting grief with like just losing somebody because um I feel like you could get grief from like certain relationships, a trust, a different type of things too, you know?

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Yeah. I know we both had like these traumatic um health experiences. And I remember when we first talked, I was expressing that I remember grieving just who I was before. Like I remember after the accident not being able to uh remember certain things and remember being I had to be put up in the house for like seven days, no no electronic, really no light, no nothing. Um, and I couldn't sleep because they were afraid I was a coma. So I had to be woken up every two hours. I could only sleep in two hour spans. Um and I remember once I finally got through that, I was like, Man, like I wanna do the stuff I did before. I wanna be the person I was before. And I felt like I held on to that and I kept trying to be who I was before instead of focusing on who I could become. And so I was wondering, did you have an experience of like grieving who you were before and then who you are now?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Mm, that's a good question, especially since I say it's like, you know, like you could lose yourself too and grieving over who you used to be or something, you feel but yeah, I definitely dealt with that like um right now, like a lot of my friends or anybody that's following my career, they probably see the growth within almost every aspect of how I move from just my style, the way I carry myself, the way I speak now, the way um the message I probably try to put in my music. And I feel like my grief was I wasn't necessarily chasing um my younger self or older self, but I'm more so chasing who my younger older self was nothing like. So it's like um just trying to be better, and it's sometimes when you go through these grievances, they give you like wake-up calls to do better or do more, you know what I mean? So for example, um like once upon a time I had a Roc Nation deal, you feel me? And that's a point of that's that's a that was a point in my life that I was chasing, like looking back at, but also my mannerisms in the point where I was literally at in life, yeah, I don't wanna be there no more.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

Because it's just I wouldn't have to I wouldn't let the moment pass me up if I was would I if I was moving how I am now, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 8:41

Yeah. Do you feel like you grieved not putting yourself in the right position to be able to capitalize on that situation?

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Yep, but me grieving that let me find the tools and everything that I needed to do to not let no more positions pass me up. So I definitely think that kind of played a part into where I'm at now too, also.

SPEAKER_02 9:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Just even mentally.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

It's interesting that it sounds like you don't you don't let grief get you down. It sounds like you use it as a as a like you said, a tool to just fuel you. Like it sounds like it's purely motivational for you.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Yeah. For the most part it's motivational. But you know I'm human, so sometimes it all um it catch up with me at once. I I might get emotional, you feel me? But for the most part, I don't even think about um my people as being gone. Like anything like anything that that happens to me where it caused me to grieve, I I use it for fuel to the fire and just show myself like um I owe it to myself and whatever I'm grieving over to overcome the situation.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

So yeah, definitely use it as fuel.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

When the the few moments that it does get to you, do you allow yourself to feel it and what does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Uh for me it looked like different things. So um I definitely allow myself to feel it. But sometime I wanna be more to myself and just pondering it and try to and just just more to myself to say the least. But sometimes when I really don't understand or I'm confused about certain shit, I like to talk to my friends and just um just try to let people beat up for me, you know, so I don't get super lost into it as well.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

Do you feel like you you have support through your grief or or through hard times in general?

SPEAKER_00 10:41

Yeah, I definitely do have support. Um when my mom did pass away, my big sister raised me like a mother. She was twenty one years old, I was eleven. That's a big part of my support system. Um, just me and my whole family that's still here for the most part. Um, they are for me and I have a lot of good friends in my corner too, so I feel like I don't never really feel I'm alone. And my little daughter, she only nine, but she be that we be talking about it all, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Take take me back if you could to year eleven. You you just learning that your mom passed. Like what are you what are you experiencing in that moment?

SPEAKER_00 11:17

Wow, um, so I give you I never told this story on camera before too, so it's crazy. Um, I was at a skating ring and I was trying to learn how to skate for the first time. I ended up breaking my ankle. My mom was sick, but she was strong, like um, she never like just seemed weak to me. You feel me? But now that I look back at it, I guess um she was like on her last days because she had gone to the hospital, but she was at this point where the hospital sent the hospital to your house, you know? Like you got the bed and all this stuff. Yeah, so this particular night she called me to like come talk to her. It was like three in the morning, but I just had like tweaked my ankle on the skates. So I couldn't get to her. Maybe if I would have hopped, you know, I really wanted to, I could have. But I was like, Ma, I broke my ankle. You forgot I can't walk back there. She like, it's good, go to sleep, I love ya. So then find out the next morning that like, you know, she passed and shit. It messed me up because I'm like, damn, I was just talking to her. You feel me? Like, yeah. She called me while everybody else was sleeping the house. It was at my grandmother's house and my grandmother kept a house full at the time. So um it messed me up and I always felt like I should have tried to get back there, you feel me?

unknown 12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

And um I was confused just being so young, I know how to deal with losing a parent. I tried to like even thought about doing suicide, you feel me? Command suicide and I went in the kitchen and you know, tried to go through with it, but I guess um by the grace of God, I didn't go through with it, you feel me?

SPEAKER_01 13:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

And um, for the longest time, like I just didn't really understand a lot. But like I said, I got good friends. And one particular moment I remember being on the phone with one of my friends, this girl named Chelsea, and then a girl who I call my best friend to this day, Justice Williams. We was on the phone together and um just I don't remember how we get on the subject, but I was just telling them how I felt, and you know, like um, I remember I don't remember the exact words, but I know Justice and Chelsea, they was both giving me words on the phone j that just um touched me, you feel me? Yeah. And then we were so young, so for them to break it down like that, whatever they told me, it just gave me reassurance that like, you know, I gotta keep pushing, I'ma overcome. And then also like my grandmother done called her before and talked about it, but that was the first moments of me like dealing with grief for the first time and just how it went for me. It was me like dealing with it, going through it, and then overcoming it, just like talking about it, but I later got into poetry and then um because like I will always like run away from talking about deeper things.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

But just having these conversations made me appreciate deeper talks. So I wanted to write, but I'm trying to do a deeper style of writing and rap, and so that's how I got into poetry, and that's why we just articulate this shit the way we do today.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

So Do you feel like uh the writing is an outlet for you to express some of those deeper emotions like grief? Like, do you feel like there's been a project you've done so far that's like this I had grief in mind, or I had someone in mind, I had that depth of sadness in mind when I wrote this.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Yeah, it's crazy. Even when you asked me that question and me talking about the last story, like just knowing I had a lot of grief, wondering what my mom wanted to tell me that night when she called me to come to her bedside. Yeah. It um I feel like all of these little bitty parts just made me have a bigger voice, you feel me? And um also just the vocalism that I grew up around just I come from a blunt family and shit like that, so all this played a part in it as well too, I feel like.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

But I will say, um I will say I lost con I lost contact of the um Is there a song that you've done that you feel like came from that place of grief or like deep sadness? Have you made a song specifically?

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Oh yeah, I got a couple songs. I got a couple songs. I'm trying to see what the heck I was about to say. It's just so deep, you feel me?

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

But um, yeah, I got a song called My Time. And um on this particular song, I actually did this beat three different times. So on this particular song, I talk about like how it's just my time. Like I come on at my time is now, my grind is here. The time is now to face your fears. Timing is everything, been at it for years. My body is working, my mind and gear. Let's get it started. And it's just saying, like, um, I've been through so much on these verses of the songs. I'll tell you a little bit about people I lost and like even how I'm saying, like, that's fuel to the fire. I'm letting you know, like, I lost this person, but this is my people, we're gonna make the world know their name. Just shit like that. And um, I actually performed that song on April 11th, which is my daughter's birthday, at the French Quarterfest last year, and it was already recorded, but when I was doing it, it would resonated like so deeply with what I was living with now and still every day because I lost my last living grandmother that day on my daughter's birthday, and right before my performance, I swap out like, you know, how I'm about to perform and what songs I wanna do. And just as I'm doing it in real time, I got a ball where I said I lost my granny this year and took it the hardest, took it as a reminder, my lifespan getting shorter. And um, that was about my previous grandmother, my mom's mom. But I lost my dad's mom on my daughter's birthday. So as I'm like up there, you know, singing my lyrics, I realized the shit resonated with what I was dealing with on that day too. So a lot of my songs I do try to put and let people know like my story and what it could really feel it deep.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

And sometimes I find myself still feeling it in real time too, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little overwhelmed just hearing that all of that happened in the same day.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

And I think it's interesting how so many things can be happening at one time and you have to choose which feeling you wanna let show up in that moment, right? Because imagine if you would have just been so overwhelmed you couldn't do it. But because you've expressed that you use grief of a mo as a motivator, you went out there and you killed it.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Real shit.

SPEAKER_02 18:13

Like that's I ain't gonna lie, I blew up well, dog. You you messed me up. That's a lot happening. Not real.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

I like what you're doing here, like you make me feel so comfortable to talk about just this deep shit, cause these are a lot of talks that I ain't never really talked to about with nobody, you feel me? Yeah. And for that, um, for that reason, I've been like, I even thought about like trying therapy and shit like this. And this feel real therapeutic what we got going here. So how you see like it overwhelms me. Overwhelms me too, just like going down the line and unfolding some of these stories and seeing like that the grief built the adversity for me, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 18:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

So yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Power ther- I mean shit, I ain't gonna lie to you. I don't go to fucking therapy. I I do go to therapy. Once a week.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Facts, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

It I do have seasons where I can go a little less if I feel a little less overwhelmed. But if I feel like I'm extremely overwhelmed, we need to talk about this.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Real shit.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

My goal is to do just that. Like I think New Orleans has an amazing way of celebrating life. And sometimes I feel like we don't always sit with the hard part of it. I feel like that uh les effets, les bon temps roulés, like, okay, let the good times roll, but it's not always good. And then what are we doing in between when it's not? And because we don't talk about it enough, you'll see a person of influence who has gone through something but it just doesn't look like it. But they have real things that they experience and real means of how they get through those things. And everybody can relate to certain things, and I think grief is one of those things, especially here in New Orleans. Like not just the death of people, but we we literally lost the whole city and we had to rebuild it ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Yeah, real too.

SPEAKER_02 20:07

And so that's a really heavy feeling. Like we have a grief as a collective. And to know that we have it as a collective, but we have it as individuals. And so I think when they hear one person talk about it, we can get another person to talk about it, and then I feel like from there we can start to understand how important conversation is just in general. Like we can relate to each other more than we believe we can if we were to relate to each other, and could could even have just a decent conversation. Um and I I I thought about you because I've watched the transition and the overcoming of adversity and just the transformation of you as a person. Like I've I've been enjoying watching it. I'm a man.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

I know.

SPEAKER_02 21:00

Well, that was a perfect segue into the game.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

It is having some fun with it.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

I don't know if it's as much fun or is it as deep.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Oh, you see.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

So the so the pulls of purpose are about your general destiny and like your life course, right? So pick me up. Uh oh, hold on. Well, I'm pulling the wrong card. In my handy dandy. Nope, but no, right. Oh shit. Cool. Who is someone that changed the way you see yourself? And what did they see in you before you saw it?

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Someone that changed the way I seen myself.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Off top of my brain, I'm gonna think of my teacher. She was probably my fourth or fifth grade teacher, Mr. Goldie. Shout out, Miss DG. You hear me? So, Miss DG, I used to like. Like just perform at talent shows and be class clown and then this and that. But she always told me I was gonna be um just I'm almost there. I'm almost there now, little mouth, but just telling me I was gonna be just just the a man, to say the least, you feel me? Just um telling me um I was just a bad ass to do when I was in like middle school, you feel me? But Miss DG helped me see the see the myself in a different way. She'd come to my house, like a family friendship, yeah, like my people events and stuff like that. She'll compliment my style. So she never like try to change me. Yeah, but she'd like compliment what I was doing, but always tell me I was gonna take it farther, so don't just settle for shit, you feel me? That's why I couldn't even really put in words when she did when she was there, you feel me? Shout out to Mr. G.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Kind of like the the the bumpers on the bowling leg.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

Just helping the guide the course and yeah, you feel me. But from a view that allowed you to still be who it still kind of looked like.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

I see what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Yeah, I just was talking to the other day. I just wrote it like letting her know I was thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

So You know the name of the podcast is Chase and Destiny.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

Chase and Destiny.

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Yeah. So my question is, do you believe in destiny or faith?

SPEAKER_00 23:32

I believe in kinda a little bit of both.

SPEAKER_02 23:35

Okay, fine.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

So um I feel like my faith is what's gonna keep me having my belief and just um like my faith is what's gonna get me there, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 23:54

So faith as in predetermined or predestined, not faith as in uh a belief in something to happen. So destiny more like uh I'm making this thing happen as in whereas faith is more it's already predestined.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

Even deeper.

SPEAKER_02 24:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

So like um I get what you're saying. So like um I so like faith kinda like is already it's wrote for me. It's my faith. Yes. Then destiny is like, okay, I'm feeling I'm feeling kind of both only because like they got the story, like people like if you pray to God or you ask him for help, then he sends signs, but it's still up to you to see the signs.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Thank y'all for making it this far. And as we continue to learn and grow on this journey, we hope that y'all grow with us. But that being said, we have some technical difficulties. I ain't gonna do too much explain, I'ma just I'ma let y'all get back to it. But so I'm gonna ask you this. Would you rather consens it or intensity?

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Hmm. I rather probably consistency.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Why?

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Um, because I learned that as long as you be consistent with something, people will start paying attention with you, pay attention to what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

But uh with intensity, it's like pressure, you're coming strong, it's like forceful, you feel me?

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

And sometimes um it's harder to be, it's harder to receive something that's so intensified, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 25:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

And that's just what going about anything in life. So like um, if I'm working out and I'm being consistent, I'ma see results. If I'm going in a extra um, you know, what's what's the other word?

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Intensity.

SPEAKER_00 26:00

Intensive, like if I'm going in there with intensity, I might fuck around and hurt myself, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:05

So um, yeah, I choose that one.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

Yeah, I agree. I think I'm a slower steady one as the race kind of girl. Like a little here, a little there. Little things make big things happen. So Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:16

They say pressure make violence, so I might gotta up the intensity. You feel me?

SPEAKER_02 26:20

You might?

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Yeah, be running from that shit.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Get a little blend of both.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Yeah, yeah. For sure. So our last question is confess, reflect, and redirect. These questions are meant to do all three of those things. Here's the first one. What version of yourself did you hold on to for too long, even though you had already outgrown it?

SPEAKER_00 26:42

Hmm. The version of myself that I had hold on for too long, even though I've already outgrown it, was probably. How do I um I categorize it? Do I say my high school self or my 17-year-old self, you feel me? But I'm gonna say my younger self, when I was around that age in high school, 17 years old, I held on that to too long just because um when I started making my my own money for the first time, you feel me, just hustling and shit like that. And just feeling like I'm grown, you feel me? So by the time I actually did get grown, I I didn't necessarily um get the transition like I needed to, because I felt like I was already grown. So it was a lot of shit that already went over my head. And until I caught up with myself, you know, that's just what it was. So I feel like I held on to that part of myself a little too long. I kind of talked about them a little when we was talking about when I had the Rock Nation deal uh earlier, like um I just wasn't mature enough to even go meet the people that signed me. I was busy focused on the little money I was making in the streets at the time rather than looking at my future and trying to hold that. So I held on to that part of myself for too long, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 28:08

Yeah. What do you what what do you think made it hard to let go of that identity?

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Uh just being scared to fail. Like I said, that was my first time making my own money, you feel me?

SPEAKER_01 28:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Just not trying to take that chance to try something else, uh even get to know myself more to see what else I had in store or what else I could do, you feel me? So just being scared to step out and do something else outside the box really just held me for the longest.

SPEAKER_02 28:39

Okay, so when you think about that situation, who are you consciously choosing to be now?

SPEAKER_00 28:50

I'm consciously choosing to be a good father. I'm consciously choosing to be a great person, just a good person overall, you feel me? And um, career-wise, I'm consciously choosing to be a mogul. And how I'm doing that is by being a good father. Like I'm trying to be full-time dad and give her mom a break, you feel me? And let her just come stay with me and stuff like that, so I could be that more teacher and shit like that. And um in my career, I'm trying to start doing other stuff rather than just music. I want to get into merchandising. I'm trying to get into party promotion and just event hosting and stuff like that. I want to get into artist management. I got this little group I'm working with called FTF right now. It's like a branch off of my own group, Bag Boys. So it's just, um, I'm just putting myself out there in different types of ways to ensure I could do this. For me to be a great person, I'm trying to make sure um I'm being vocal with my friends about what they lack and letting them tell me the same thing. Trying to make sure I'm going if not to church, but I'm praying and trying to just hold myself accountable and stuff like that. So, yeah, that's all the stuff I'm dealing with myself, you feel me?

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah, what what do you what do you think makes a good person?

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Oh, what I think makes a good person is somebody that's honest, somebody you can trust, somebody that's loving and caring. You feel me? I think all those things make a good person. Because um, even in business, if you're dealing with somebody with all these qualities, they might, you know, a boss don't be a boss, so you ain't getting the percentage of the boss. But they might make sure you're well taken care of, you feel me? They might um have a relationship with your family, even some people caring, just like that, you feel me? It's like if you're working with somebody who got all these qualities, then you might be well taken care of. Rather that's even um rather it's beneficial for you or not. Just because these people with qualities, you might be meet somebody like that on the everyday, just outside. I done been out to eat sometimes and just random people offer to pay for me and my daughter food or some shit. Just looking at what looks like good people to them. So they wanna do good. Or people done paid for my food before me in the line, you feel me?

SPEAKER_01 31:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

And then I ain't saying just the stuff you do makes you a good person. Because some people do good things and they might be fucked up individuals, you feel me? Just caught them in a good mood.

SPEAKER_01 31:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

So um it's really just how you are when nobody watching, you feel me?

unknown 31:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:40

Because we all human, so we're gonna make mistakes, nobody perfect. But for the most part, long as your heart, your mind, your spirit, everything, you got good intentions. I say good intentions makes a good person.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

From the from the start of this conversation to now, what do you feel like you've discovered or learned about grief and your grief?

SPEAKER_00 32:06

From the start of this interview, I didn't know that um I need to talk about my grief more. You feel me? Because I literally been in my shoes, but it's still kind of hard for me to articulate everything as if I wasn't there to say it verbado. You feel me? And part of that reason is because a lot of shit I buried deep down, you feel me? And I'm just digging back up. Uh I'm just numb to certain things, you feel me? And I just learned the way to cope in other ways. And um, that I might even need to try therapy, you feel me? But it feels good to know that I'm comfortable to share it, you feel me, not only with you, but with the world. And just um, yeah, I learned a lot from the start to now. Just about myself in a dope way.

unknown 32:57

So that's dope. I thank you for that air, man.