Grief Series, Episode 4: Building Through Grief

In the fourth episode of Chasing Destiny’s Grief Series, Dez sits down with Dominique Smith, better known as Dom Boulevard, for an honest conversation about grief, growth, fatherhood, friendship, and purpose.

As the founder of B.L.V.D. ETIQUETTE, Dom reflects on balancing personal loss while continuing to build his brand, support his family, and lead with intention. He opens up about the grief of losing loved ones and children, navigating pain within marriage, and learning that healing doesn’t always come through words — sometimes it comes through movement, community, faith, and simply allowing people to love you through difficult seasons.

Together, Dez and Dom explore masculinity, emotional vulnerability, entrepreneurship, and the importance of not trying to carry life alone. What starts as a conversation about grief becomes a powerful reflection on resilience, friendship, and becoming the person you’re meant to be. 

 Catch every episode of Chasing Destiny on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. Subscribe, follow, and stay locked in. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

As I continue these conversations about grief, it feels like building blocks. Like I'm starting to understand my own personal grief through these conversations. And in this last conversation, I realized how some of those confusing moments in grief it's hard to communicate that. My last conversation highlighted the fact that sometimes you just gotta get it about you. Whether that's physically, whether you write, you have to be able to push that out of you. And I also was able to resonate with the fact that it's difficult to manage grief in a relationship. Not only was it not only was the conversation enlightening, but it was also nostalgic. Because I got an opportunity to sit down with all my good friends. But thank you for finally showing up. Um I've been I know I told you what the conversation was about, but I've been in a season where I've really been working through what it means to have experience grief or what it means in general. And having these conversations, I've learned a lot about grief. So far I've understood it to be something that can be heavy. Something that can feel stagnant, but it doesn't always have to be. I've also learned that you don't know when grief can set in. And it can start as early as your childhood without acknowledging it. So I'm curious, like, what is it? What does grief mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 1:53

First off, how you feeling right now? Like, are are you good?

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Ironically enough, I just a couple days ago I was out of town, but I just found out my great grandfather died.

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

So like it's it's a real occurring thing, actually, in this moment.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

I'm sorry to hear that.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Um ask the question again, that that kind of like what does grief mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Um I think grief is uh being being stuck with your not stuck, but like kind of like understanding but not understanding what's going on, but also like being in that moment, pretty much, you know what I'm saying? Like, and you never like you say you never know when it truly'll happen, yeah, and we never have control of it neither. Like, yeah, we can't just say, Oh, I'm not gonna fucking grieve, you know what I'm saying? Like a curse on him, yeah. Like we can't just say, like, yeah, fuck grieving. I'm not gonna ever do that. Like, we don't have control of that, but that's pretty much what I think grieving is. Like, I've experienced it many occasions, so that's that's my take on what grieving would be.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. I I agree with you. A lot of times we we get that feeling and it's so uncomfortable, we're kind of like, nah, like I'm not about to sit in that.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Yeah, and I think that makes it worse too. Like, you don't want to go through it and now you bottling these feelings and you taking it out, or you you uh what I won't say, putting it on other people, pretty much. Yeah, and that's that's not that's not healthy, you know what I'm saying? Like I wouldn't say like I I will say grieving is probably like a healthy thing, but it's also like you gotta know when it's occurring pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Yeah. It's it's interesting to know sometimes people don't really know when it's occurring, right? That's a thing that I've learned throughout these conversations where it's like sometimes people don't really know. Yeah, and it's like, yeah, you can be sad about it, but you don't realize like, oh, you're actually like mourning the loss. Yeah, and it sounds funny to say because it sounds so proper, but like, nah, like, damn, I just miss them.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Yeah, yeah, man. And it it'd be the most quietest moments, though. Like, I be catching myself though, like, hey man, don't I ain't gonna say don't judge me, but don't judge me though. You hear me? But it'd be sometimes I'd be in the bed and like you ever had like a dream and you see the person that you miss so much, yeah, and it's like damn, bro, like, and you don't know that you crying in your sleep until like you wake up and your face just like full of tears or whatever. Yeah, like I catch myself doing that so often, bro. But like I think the one time that I kind of like got over grieving over a past, not a past loved one, but one of my loved ones that passed, yeah, was like dude came to me in a dream and like he just hugged me. It was like, bitch, I'm alright, son. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm good, you know what I'm saying? Like, continue doing what you're doing, but I just won't leave you with this.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Yeah, no, that's that's a lot. It's actually a really powerful thing. Like, that can definitely be healing.

SPEAKER_00 5:01

And I don't I don't really talk about that as much. Like, that happened many times. Like, I always see like my loved ones in my in my dreams, you know what I'm saying? Even like my my kids that you know wasn't able to like make it fully hit with us today. Yeah, um, my son, he was a stillborn. Uh, first me and my wife first born, and like I seen him like older, yeah, like on some like basketball players, height, shoot deal type shit. Like, what I got going on in heaven, you know what I'm saying? Like, like it's just like what you was supposed to be, but you still fulfilled it. Or like even though like when we go to we we go to church, I uh I sit there and I kind of meditate with my thoughts and I just see my daughter face, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't get too sad about, you know, when I when I see it, I cry because she left me with a smile, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and like I feel like that's the that's the one way like I'm at peace with not being able to have my my kids here, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, I seen that and I seen the littlest smile make the biggest impact on my life, you know what I'm saying? So yeah, though.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

How's this grieving process been for the both of you having to balance that in a marriage?

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I ain't gonna lie, bro. This is gonna be the most truthful interview ever. Like, my wife was spiraling, and I'll let her tell her story for whenever she won't tell it. I don't wanna get too into detail, but like I seen she was spiraling, and me, I was kind of getting uh caught up in work. Like, when all that was going on, I still had to go to my job, I still had to run a brand, I still had to make sure my son was straight, everything, bro. Like, it was just a lot, but it was like, man, you know, I took it upon myself to be like, look, I get this is going on, but we have somebody to live for today. So we can't we can't put this on him and have him thinking like he's not important or what's going on, make him feel like any less the less of what's going on, or anything like that. Like, yeah, we have to find a way to shake back and get up out of this. So it took us a minute, but yeah, we we in a good space for sure now.

SPEAKER_01 7:23

Yeah. What are some of the things that you that you did personally to help yourself get out of that space?

SPEAKER_00 7:29

I went to the gym. Like, I don't I don't know many other ways to like get out of I guess anger, anything like that, except go to the gym and throw weights.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

Like that's really like man, I don't know what I'm doing right now, but fuck it.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

We gonna sweat and we gonna lift weights, I guess, bro. Like, just get it all out. And then, like I said, I was kind of like burying myself in work. Like, yeah, as we was in the hospital, um, I think I did like three to full photo shoots, and I had like three to full drops and everything like that. Like I just kept myself busy, which probably wasn't a good thing because I kind of was trying to like distance myself from like what was about to happen, but I just had to keep my mind focused for my family, pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

Was it just distancing yourself from what was actually happening, and or was it also you distancing yourself from the emotion that was gonna come with that too?

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Probably both. Because like I was trying to find a way to be strong for my family. Like, yeah, that was it was a lot, and you know, like being a man, you you have to find that strength, but it's also like man, nigga, I'm about to go cry on the corner, you know what I'm saying? Like, I gotta get this out somehow because I don't want to project what I'm feeling right now onto anybody ever.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

So, yeah, man I think that's an extremely man thing to do in general, just to even have the mindset of saying, like, look, I know that I'm going through something really heavy, and I don't want to project this on anybody else. Yeah, I still gotta deal with it. I may not necessarily have to deal with it by myself, but this is the choice that I'm making, and I realize how pivotal that my reaction and my response can be to the people around me.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Yeah, I was like real considerate of everybody's feelings. And I I wasn't, I don't think I really ever I did cry, but I don't think I I felt a lot of emotion when people started coming in the shop and they started crying for me too. And it's like, damn, bro, like, you know, like as a man, bro, like you be feeling like damn, bro, like we don't get that love when stuff like that happen. Or even when the baby do make it, like it's all about the the woman, you know what I'm saying? And no, no, no problem with that, but it's like to have people come to the shop and be like, man, you know, we here for you, we here for your wife, anything y'all need, and it just like busts out into tears. I'm like, damn, bro, like yeah, nigga might really do be loved in this world, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Like, cause it's a great reflection of your impact.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Yeah, yeah. I guess I I did good.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

You're but listening to you when you spoke about grief, it's I felt like you highlighted on something that I haven't talked about just yet, which is the confusion that happens during grief. Where it's just like, am I angry? Am I sad? Am I happy? Like, where do I land in it? And that's such a that's to me, sitting with the grief, that was the longest portion of the grief. Like, I felt like I went through the anger pretty, pretty quickly. Uh, I went through I go through the happy times, but the confusion between where I where I was landing, I felt like lasted so long. I feel like that's the part that kept me anxious the most. So it's just like I don't know if I'm coming or going right now.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

So what what kind of kept you out of your funk? Or what helped you like get through the grief?

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Same. I ran. I ran a lot. I was running like two or three times a day. Like each run was like two miles.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

You think that's like a a black person thing where we don't go talk to nobody, which is we talk to people now, but like we just go be active pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

To some degree, yes. I was also in therapy, and then I thought about this, right? Like having spaces where we can do it like this. But yeah, maybe so. Like as a collective, I don't I don't think we're taught to actually like process through our feelings and then meanwhile processing, but also allowing ourselves to actually feel that without trying to get to the next hurdle.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Um, and that's black people. Plus, on top of that, capitalism, like it doesn't make any space for that either. Yeah. So it's just like you're either gonna get down or lay down, but then you realize like there gotta be something else in between the two. Like, I can't you can't expect me to be this machine uh and have all these very real things going on. Why still trying to tap into the idea of um youthfulness? Because yeah, you can be an adult, you can handle all your business, but you should still have joy. Yeah, and you really you really see joy on a child's face, right?

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Man, I'm so glad you said that because during that time, I think uh was it Monster Truck Jam or Hot Wheels? But my son is like really big into Hot Wheels, he's really big into Monster Trucks. So we brought him, me and my me and my dad brought him to see him, and I just seen like so much joy in his face to see something this small become gigantic, you know what I'm saying? And I'm like, bro, I figured out the way of life. Like life is just simple. Like, if you love something and it's small, tall, whatever, you're gonna enjoy it. You know what I'm saying? Like, and I I think I look at life through my son, you just how he sees things. Like, man, I have this small thing, but I know I'ma see it big one day. Yeah, same way I see like my brand. Like, I know I'm here right now, but I'll be up here in a few months, you know what I'm saying? So yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Yeah, it's definitely, it's definitely one of the other things I think that helped motivate me through grief too. It's just like, how was I so cheerful as a child, even experiencing grief and experiencing traumas and all the things that still happen? Somehow I was still able to be happy and find happiness and things. So I was like, that has to be some kind of anchoring moment in the process of me pushing through this grief. Because I was like, nah, it's I'm not selling myself short. Right. Yeah, I made mistakes, yeah, things have uh occurred, and I felt those things. But I didn't always feel them in the moment. And that's what struck me the most about grief was because I was unsure what I was feeling until I got to therapy. And the therapist was like, hey, like you're not only just grieving that loss, but at that time, like you're grieving the loss of an idea of the life you thought you were gonna have, and all of these things, like you can grieve so many things that just aren't people. Um you can grieve an idea too. Um and that to me was scary to realize, like, oh, like it's not just tangible things, but you can uh grieve imaginary things too, like things that you've assigned feelings to, things that have become real to you. Oh man, that's when I was like, oh, this is a whole different ballgame. This is a lot.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah, and a lot of people don't even think about that. Like, they do think grieving is just death when it also can be like what you just said, like an idea, a friendship. Like, that made me think like, damn, bro, like I lost a lot of friends, and the idea of like, man, we all gonna be successful together, and we all parted ways pretty much over stupid stuff. Yeah, so it's just it's just crazy to think about, bro.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Like it's interesting how simple conversations can bridge gaps. A good portion for why I wanted to start having more conversations. Um I wanted a a place where I could process out loud or or get things out. And I realized that a lot of times we all need that space. Um and grief is one of those spaces where I think it is best to work through physically and in communication. Like just talking about it. You don't even necessarily have to be a therapist, but just like just talking about it and even sharing the times or the thoughts or the feelings. So that that that mattered a lot to me, which was a a good reason why I wanted to talk to you because I thought your resilience was it was unmatched during that time. Like even being able to be vulnerable and let people know what happened.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

And it's people still, still to this day asking, like, how's the baby or how's everything like mentally? And yeah, I be having to tell them, like, I don't be meaning to change the trajectory of the conversation of the day, but I be trying to keep it honest with people too, like, and uh I see how people kind of react, and it's like I don't I don't want you to feel sad or upset, just know like I'm good, you know what I'm saying? My wife is good, so that you just asking about us is a bonus right there, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and it it's also crazy too, like I know you ain't asked me about this, but a lot of my partners have been telling me, like, bro, I've been so nervous to tell you that me and my girl having a baby, and they don't want to make me upset, and I'm like, bro, that's the last thing that should be on y'all mind, you know what I'm saying? Because I'm happy for y'all. I want y'all to do that. Like, we was we was LaBuys at one time. Now we men, now we able to make our families do what our dads didn't do. And I all I can ask is y'all niggas do that shit right, you know what I'm saying? Like, don't don't be out here leaving a child by itself or leaving the mother of your child by itself or any of that, bro. Like, nobody wants to ever feel alone in this world, you know what I'm saying? So that's one thing I always tell them like don't be nervous to tell me you haven't a child, like nigga, you know what you did, like you went laid down with a woman and had sex, but also be a man about what you're doing. So yeah, yeah, bro.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Do you think that's just care though? Just because it was such a yeah, it's it's care.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

They like I said, they don't want to make me upset, but it's also like I'm I know myself, I'm not that kind of person. And although it I get a little jealous, I do want them to know, like, man, I'm still happy for y'all. To see like y'all start y'all families, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and you know, I I I appreciate them for just considering my feelings, but I consider their feelings too, in a sense, like, bro, like this is what y'all supposed to be doing. Y'all supposed to be creating more lives in this world and having more spa black babies and treating your women right and all that, you know what I'm saying? So that's the only thing I asked of them. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 17:58

That was extremely honest and vulnerable. Like, I apologize like that. That was real.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

I'm I'm an open book though. Like, I uh I watched a lot of YouTube. Like what were they saying on YouTube? It's random, but like I feel like I didn't really have that that father figure to tell me like this is how you do this. But I'm about to be so honest, like I used to watch like the YouTube couples, like, alright, like how do you treat a woman? How do you do this? And I just started like putting my own little twist on it, like, man, only way I know how to do this is be myself, you know what I'm saying? So that's that's one thing that I be wanting to like have my partners do too. Like, just don't be out here just doing anything, son, because like that shit looked bad in the end of the day. I don't know if that was off topic or I'm just rambling, but either way it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

Yeah, but when you when you brought up your friends uh not wanting to bring that up to you, and I asked you, you know, was that you think that that was care? How do you want to be supported in this season? Because it's it wasn't it wasn't that long ago. And what how do you want people to support you through that process? You and your family?

SPEAKER_00 19:13

I don't even know, to be honest. Like if I tell you anything, it'd probably be a lie.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

But I do know a lot of my friends just pray for me. That's the only thing I could actually do is like just pray that we we keep our sanity, you know what I'm saying? Because that's some hard shit to go through. Losing a child, losing a family member, yeah, losing anybody. So I truly don't know how I will want anybody because I'm I'm a real uh I'm a real introvert. Like I like being at home. I don't like being out or going too many places, doing too much. So, but that's all I could really ask anybody to do is just pray for us and just keep us in your prayers, pretty much.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Yeah. I think that it's very admirable for you to be able to say I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Because a lot of times people will lie and or or convince themselves they need something that they don't need because they just haven't sat with it long enough. I think that's another part of the grief process is realizing like what you actually need. Um and being able to communicate that need is two different things from just even acknowledging it altogether.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Um just being able to sit with that and say, Well, I don't know what I need. That's a that's also that's a an extremely beautiful place in my mind. Because that's where creation starts. That's where you get to learn yourself and know what's new about you and and how you even can be there for yourself first. Cause before somebody else can really be there for you, you gotta know what you want and do. I think that that's really dope. Uh I I'm not gonna lie to you, I think that that's it's it's a beautiful place. I do. That's where creation happens. Yeah. And uh I do wanna say, like the love and support that you're getting is truly a reflection because after you you mentioned it, um we all got to see you continue to forge forward and watch you dive into uh the brand more and uh get an exposure and then come into a new purpose. Um I think Boulevard has always been one of my favorites. It was it it stuck with me when we were kids.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Yeah, I was just thinking about that. I I think I met you when you was in high school.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Yeah, I might have been like a sophomore.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Yeah. Something like that. And I don't even think you started over thinkers yet. I think you was just you was just trying to jump into it, and then we was at a party or something like that. I think we was doing South by Southwest of A3C, and I extended the invitation to you to come out there, and I seen like the biggest smile on your face. And I I'm just thinking about that as I was coming up here, I was like, damn.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

But yeah, man, I think I think life has just been so crazy. Um, and it that's not about to stop. Like grief is one of the bigger pillars that we all have to go through. And then we go through it often. It's like a cycle, because you're gonna lose somebody again at some point. And it kind of starts again. And sitting here today after just learning my great-grandpa died a couple days ago, like I can't tell you I really like processed that. And I loved him. I loved him a lot. Um, I'm thankful that he got to live a full life. Or I think I may have felt differently. Um, his goal was to live to 100, he lived to 99.

SPEAKER_03 22:56

I mean.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

So, like, yo, like, you know what I'm saying? He had a very good working memory for a really long time. So it's just like, I can't tell you that I've I'm I'm processing it right now. Not yet.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

One thing I can say, your grandpa seen it all. Like, oh like anytime somebody tell me like they grandparent or anybody lived to 100, like dude literally seen it all. Like from the astronauts to Martin King, all at Obama. Like, even in these times, like he still was here to see this shit show that's going on.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

So the evolution of cars in his lifetime, uh interstate, like telecommunication in general, like just thinking about all the things that this man saw and like watch progress.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

I was like, You really, bro.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Like, I get it, us millennials, we've been through a lot. We've probably been through the most traumatic era and the most rapid uh growth of the internet, but like to see it from 1927, man, it's crazy as hell. Man, I can't I can't I can't imagine how happy and full he must have felt just being able to see all of his his kids, his grandkids, his great grandkids.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

And that's what I was about to tell you. Like, you know, like you're gonna you're gonna feel some type of sadness, but that's a beautiful life to celebrate.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

You see what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Yeah, like he literally I can't get over that. Like, he literally seen it all. So it's like you have something to talk about with your kids, grandkids, like man, I might not have seen it, but your papa's seen it, you know what I'm saying? So and it's his pictures, like all the pictures that y'all probably have of him, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

I think about that also. We we bonded a lot over boxing. He used to be a trainer, and so when I was hard up, he would come and watch me. And he just he just loved it.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

When when you was boxing?

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Oh shit. Uh 2018.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Oh, this was like before COVID, pretty.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yeah, yeah. But I ended up having to stop. I thought, so in my mind, my trainer was like, Oh yeah, we're gonna get you the I don't know, it was Friday night fights or whatever. For like a little I wanna read the Castle Hill. Uh-huh. He was like, Oh yeah, in November, we're gonna we're gonna really try. I had been boxing at that point, it would have probably been like 10 months. I was hard up, like three, four days a week. Like that shit was crazy. I don't know why I thought I was gonna be a boxer. Passed out too many times and was like, never again. I'm not getting punched in the face. For fun, for fun, no, I'm not getting punched in the face. If I'm about to fight, it's about to be for something for real. I'm not gonna do that shit for fun.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

But some work out, I'll give you that.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Yeah, man. Um, I really enjoyed it. Uh I get back to it. That's one of the things that do help me relieve anger for sure. Like making sure that like I can control that. Because there are parts of grief that make me angry.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Uh and that's I feel like that's personally one of my underdeveloped emotions, anger. So it's just like managing that has been uh a struggle, especially in grief. Cause I don't I don't allow myself to be angry. I might be mad, I might get upset, but I don't allow myself to be angry. Very rarely will you hear me say I'm angry. Like when you say you that was abruptly shit. Shit, my boy, like, let me run it down on time, nigga.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Oh nah, man. Um, so you say you don't let yourself be angry. Like, how do you know you angry and do you like quickly come out of it?

SPEAKER_01 26:16

Or I know I'm angry uh because I feel a deep sadness. I know that I'm be it feels uncontrollable um and it feels foreign. So it's kind of like oh shit, I'm about to do the thing. And I was like, don't do the thing. So they they kind of run it tandem for me. Like I said, it's it's more like a conditioning thing where I have to learn to just allow myself to be angry. But because I view anger as a negative emotion, I don't allow myself to feel it. So every time I'm angry, it's also paired with a deep sadness, like a deep reverence for like, oh, I'm about to fuck some shit up.

SPEAKER_00 26:59

Nah, I think I I caught myself recently saying like I don't want to be mad for too long, especially like in my household, because like man, um I admit, bro, like I can get selfish and stubborn that time. I'm gonna cancel. Like, I don't know if that means anything, but No, it means a lot.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

It means a lot, it means a lot.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

But like I caught myself like just saying, like, you know, if I'm mad at my wife, I wouldn't talk to her for like three full days, you know what I'm saying? We stay in the same house, laying the same bed, and I'm like, I see what this doing, like I see the look on her face, yeah, and then like you know, I don't want my my son to see how I'm treating his mommy neither. Like, I want him to see like he treats my mommy good, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, so I kind of like just took a step back, was like, hey bro, like, chill out, you know what I'm saying? It's not really that serious.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

But so the podcast is called Chasing Destiny, okay. Um, and so we play this little game. The first one would be Pulls a purpose. So this question is meant to make you think about your purpose. Have you ever met someone or experienced something that felt like it was meant to happen at exactly that moment in your life?

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Who? What? When where? My bad.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

Um, it was actually my my friend Kayla that sadly she passed away uh on July 4th or 5th. And um, I just remember her like sending me emails one day about Keon Coleman. She was like, you know, I want to get Keon Coleman some stuff. I'm his creative director, and I ignored the hell out of that message because I'm thinking she a scammer. And she emailed me again. She was like, hey, I'm serious about this, like I really want to work with you. So I gave her the the email back, and we became like best friends after that. Like she started like linking me into like so much stuff, but she also gave me so much game, and like I feel like during that time of what you were seeing, like destroying like my real resilience was kind of like based around like everything that she taught me. Like, yeah, whatever you doing, Dom, like you gotta go all in, you know what I'm saying? Like this your brand, like anybody ain't nobody gonna see it the way you see it, but you gotta give it to them how they need to know it, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, so yeah, bro. Like, I would say Kayla was that person that really and truly came into my life and made a big impact. Like, everything I do, I consider what she would have did, even though she's not here today.

SPEAKER_01 29:39

Yeah. Wow, that's what's up.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Yeah, man.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

So that leads me to thinking, do you believe in destiny or fate?

SPEAKER_00 29:51

What's the definitions of destiny?

SPEAKER_01 29:54

Fate is kind of like predetermined. You have no you have no influence on it whatsoever, it's kind of just gonna happen how it's gonna happen. Well, destiny is more like a co-creation. But like you make it what you want it to be.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

I would say faith. Okay, because like you're taking chances on people when you have a business or even in relationships, you're taking chances, and you base that around like your faith and just hoping for the best, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and by by all God's graces that I've been able to meet some great people in my life, and they still have to this day. So I would definitely say faith.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

So faith. That was already predetermined for you to meet these people. You ain't had nothing to do with it. You was just yeah, you were just on the path and it just happened.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Because I I you follow me on Instagram, bro. Like, I'm an open book. I say what I I want, I say what I need, and I just manifest a lot of stuff out there, and um, people just hey, I do this, like let's go ahead and make this happen, and we wind up being friends. Like, I don't know what it is about me that people want to be friends, but like we just become the closest people and we become good working partners and everything like that.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Yeah, so let me ask you would you rather comfort or growth?

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Growth. Why I'm okay with being uncomfortable at this point, like right, that's real.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Yeah, I like that that type shit. I like that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Yeah, like I developed this mindset, like, I hate being at the house. I hate being at the house just feeling like I'm taking a break because somebody is out there trying to take my spot, and I'm not even at the the highest level that I'm supposed to be at. So I rather be on the move, doing something, going to the gym, going to the shop, making a play, whatever it is I gotta do. Like, I rather it be growth, and I rather people see it as well.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Yeah, I agree, I agree. I feel like that's one of those questions where it's like people feel like they have to choose growth, but I really like hearing why they want to choose growth.

SPEAKER_00 31:59

And I I I had a long time to think about like why I want to choose growth or why I choose to be uncomfortable, and it's not a lot going on out here that's worth being inspired by, and I want to be somebody that's inspirational, so everything that I do has a lot of intention, but it also forces me not to be the same person that you probably seen months ago. Like I was the person ranting on Instagram four months ago. Now I'm doing interviews like this where people could really understand who Dime is as a person and why I do things as a human being. Yeah, that makes sense though.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Yeah, no, that makes sense. No, that makes sense. Uh I've I found it interesting when you mentioned uh there's not a lot of inspiration out here. Um, so you're making it your purpose to be a form of inspiration.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Yeah, and I I take that back. Like, there is a lot of inspirational people out here. It's just I feel like people be kind of scared to put it on the forefront. You know what I'm saying? Like you have to be in a certain demographic or be in a certain group or market to get inspired by these people. When I'd rather be the person that, hey, like you down Boulevard, you know what I'm saying? Like, I love what you do. Uh we just love how you manage to do all these things pretty much in your business. Like, I want to be that kind of person for people. Fuck the clothes, you know what I'm saying? Like, what am I doing in your life for real that made you like want to go ahead and take it to that level for yourself? Yeah, like it's crazy because like somebody told me um, I inspired them to be a DJ. I'd never want to be a DJ, bro. Like, and it's just crazy. Like, if I'm doing that, I think I'm serving my purpose for sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Yeah. Going back to what I was saying, that that's just a reflection of what you already putting out there. The last the last section is confess, reflect, and redirect. Okay. Confess. What's one thing you once believed about yourself that you've had to unlearn?

SPEAKER_00 34:04

That I couldn't do it by myself. You you know, like it was like five of us in Boulevard, five or six of us in Boulevard.

SPEAKER_03 34:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

And uh everybody had a job, bro. And I felt like I was just high key telling people like what was cool and what wasn't, when they truly had the talent. And then when everybody just disbanded or whatever, I had to figure all that shit out. How to get the pictures done, graphic designs, talking to the manufacturers even more. It was a lot, but I learned how to do it, and now it's like I could teach somebody how to run a business by yourself if it comes down to it.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

So what about that experience made you realize that that that belief before that you could do it by yourself actually wasn't true?

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Wait, say that one more time.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

So thinking about thinking back about the situation and thinking, oh, I can do this all by myself. Now that you got to sit with that and things have changed, what about that statement is no longer true?

SPEAKER_00 35:17

That I probably could have did it by myself. I hate to say it like that, but like I probably could have in most aspects, but I probably in a lot of aspects couldn't because the dudes that I worked with was like very talented. Nick, Ken, Rocky, I forgot. It wasn't, it was just us really, but them dudes really talented. And like they inspired me to pick up a camera or learn how to get graphics done. Or even I ain't gonna say learn how to sing, but like I told my wife that yesterday, I was like, now I wish I knew how to sing. But it's just like they work ethic, like really took the load off of me at that point. But once, like, you know, we decided not to be boulevard of brothers or whatever you wanna call it, like it was just alright, bro. Like, we're gonna keep this going. Like, I gotta figure this shit out for myself.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

Yeah. So how do you remind yourself now of who you're becoming? Now that you know that you can be a one-man band, but being a good leader knows when to ask for help. Yeah. So how do you bridge that gap to who you're becoming now?

SPEAKER_00 36:33

I I try not to add an ego into anything that I do. I think um that I'm the most genuine person that I can ever be in this point in my life. Like, I know how to ask for help. That was like a big thing for me back in the day. Like, uh nigga, you don't know how to do this. And I would go into a shell, and it's like, I do know how to do it. Not at my best ability, but now it's like I'm not afraid to say I need your help on this. You know what I'm saying? And it's it's just like that at this point in my life, bro. Like, I don't really care how people feel about me asking for help, how they feel about me not knowing how to do anything. Like, the job gotta get done regardless. Boulevard has to be like top tier for people to see, so it can't just be I'm not Papa John's, you know what I'm saying? Like, this nigga deliver the pizza, make the pizza, be in the commercials. Like, I can't do all that shit, you know what I'm saying? Like, somebody else has to do the job that way, like, it's more strategic and smooth. Like, this right here can't happen without the behind the scenes, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like it takes a team, bro, and it takes for somebody to like really truly drop down their ego and just say, like, man, I need you. You know what I'm saying? Like, this can't happen without you. This can't happen without y'all, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 37:55

Like, no, facts, they don't even understand how much I appreciate them, yeah. Man, like I probably don't tell them though, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Cause like, just imagine, like, you running back and forth.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Fuck them niggas. Nah, I love them.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

Nah, nah.

SPEAKER_00 38:09

But yeah, man, like a team is important, bro. Like, that shit is very important, like, it's important, y'all are important.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

I love you guys. But um, how does this learning experience about knowing that you can't be a one-man band, how do you tie that into your grief and like processing through that?

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Can't do it by yourself. People people think they can do life alone, but like people out here really love you. I think we don't tell each other that stuff. And my partner, he's a uh he's not a reverent, he's like one step under, but he said that in his sermon. He was like, Man, pick up the phone, like open your window and call somebody, tell them that you love them, and just let them say it back. And that just let me know, like, man, we really don't have to do life by ourselves. If anybody is trying to be in your life, allow them to be in your life. Because you never know when you're gonna need that person or when that person is gonna leave, you know what I'm saying? So, yeah, bro, like, well, there's some touchy topics right here, though.

SPEAKER_01 39:21

Well, I wanna I wanna make you feel think, and if I can make you think and feel, well then I've done it.

SPEAKER_00 39:27

That's how my last two interviews have been. Like, yeah, I've been not nervous, but really thinking about what I need to say to really and truly like get the point across, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and it's like, like I said, bro, like I'm not here to promote the business, I'm here to promote like you need people in your life. Yeah, like like we've been knowing each other for the longest, and for us to still be able to connect and say, like, hey, come do this, and I left work, literally just left work and came over here, like, man, I'm gonna do that for you because it's appreciated. It's it's a it's a a trade-off, you know what I'm saying? Like, for sure, I know when we get to that level, we're gonna look back and be like, man, you remember when we did this at your house, and now we're in a big ass studio, you know what I'm saying? Like speaking that into existence for you, dog, like that shit gonna happen, and it it can't happen unless like it's all us. This is what's supposed to happen, like a fellowship, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Yeah, yeah. Community for sure. Yeah, of nonetheless. You got any questions for me? Thing that's been on your mind, anything?

SPEAKER_00 40:37

I actually how you've been.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

Yes. What's I've been well?

SPEAKER_00 40:42

What's what's uh something besides your grandfather passing? What's something that's been like holding you back from what you really and truly want to do? Because I know this like you you started with uh your first podcast and you took a break, and then you went into overthinkers, and then you took a break, and now you back with what's the name? Chasing Destiny Chasing Destiny Like what what causes those uh those dips or those breaks with you?

SPEAKER_01 41:23

Um I'll definitely say And that's a really good question those breaks were fueled by not knowing myself so the biggest thing that held me back was the idea that someone had in me that was different from my idea myself, and then trying to find the medium between the two um which ultimately boils down to not knowing yourself. A lot of the journey with Overthinkers and now with Chasing Destiny, it was always about finding myself. The topics that we even talked about then were still the same. Uh the motivation was different, right? Like I saw Queen of the T for Living Single, you know what I'm saying? This uh played.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

You did uh this the the story show that we did.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

Mm-hmm. That was that was a really big break for us. It w it went really well. Um believe it or not, the magazine didn't do too bad. It actually did better than we anticipated. Um, but we were really young and we really how to run a business of that size because it was actually pretty big, like having a magazine and a blog, that was a lot. Then we dropped the blog and then we just did the magazine. That was cool. But it's easy to mismanage things in general. Uh and being relatively successful early on was a lot. It was just was a lot. Um but trying to forge through and and continue, I learned that oh man, I just don't know myself. Like I just I don't really know where I'm landing just yet. And honestly, that just came with maturity and more time. Like there was there was nothing I could have done to rush that process any faster. Like the things that I experienced, uh the life hurdles, all of that created this gumbo pot of who I am now. And I appreciate the whole journey, honestly. So if you were asking Anisha what the dips were about, they were just about um me trying to get closer to myself. And I think the most important thing that I want to stress with my life is uh constant transformation and constant evolving. Like today wasn't the same as yesterday, so you're gonna be different every day. So being able to be comfortable with that transformation and that growth, that's that's gonna bring you back down to 50% of your. Problems being solved. Yeah. That's how they get it.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

That was a good answer. And I will say this. Like you saying you didn't know yourself or you was trying to find yourself, but I would always say that you was definitely a leader. You definitely was a leader. Like for you to come up with ideas and be like, all right, we about to do this. Like a magazine and a blog is not no easy shit to do. Like, let's be honest, bro. Like, that's not no cheap shit to do.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

It was not.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

So for you to just be like, all right, I'm about to go do this. I'm about to gather up all my people. We about to do this. You go on do the you heard me. And then I think, dude, on the news, now who was working with you. Like, that's that's stemming from you. Like you gave him his first opportunity. That's leadership.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

Shit, that ain't it. What's crazy is we gave it to each other. We've always been co-partners. We're still co-partners in this.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

See?

SPEAKER_01 44:50

He does he does production on the back. So you would normally see him back there with them. But um, we did that together. Over things was always a a partnership. Um, and his direction is what's what's really interesting is a lot of people don't realize how influential he really is. But he just likes to be in the back. Even though he's on the news and you see his face a lot more, he's a very, he's a very, very powerful producer.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

Yeah, he uh early on, you knew like that was the route he was taking. Like when he did interviews, yes, nigga, don't touch my mic.

SPEAKER_01 45:23

You just answered.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

And like that that just showed like he knows how to take control. You got the leadership, he knows how to take control, so that worked. And also, like, you have a lot of patience. Like, like I'm I was all over the place last Tuesday, man. But like you you gave me grace, you was like, man, look, like, all right, you're gonna you're gonna come this day. I get what's going on today, but come this day. And it's like, man, somebody would have just cut me out, X me out the equation if out of total I can't make it today, but you know, like you show patience because you know like what's going on, like yeah, but uh I'm human too, and that's that's a big portion of this.

SPEAKER_01 46:03

Like I I don't think people really know what destiny means. And I always struggled with that because it's my name.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

So I was kind of like, what's big name? I don't like it. So I went, I I let my nickname take the reins for a long time. But the more I grew into myself, the more I realized, like, no, like my name is Destiny, and that's that's who I'm gonna introduce myself as because that's who I am. And walking into that has been one of the most delightful journeys. As crazy as it's been, as hurtful as it's been at times, as dark as it's been at in different uh moments. I wouldn't trade it for anything. And I think that that that's a huge statement. That's a huge statement of being able to like meet people like you. You you put us in a lot of different positions too, though. Like a good a good portion of some of the quality of the content was on your back, just being like, hey, like I got this thing, I want to do this thing, uh hey, I think you'd be good to come do this thing. Like that was that was you. That's you.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

I I always tell people, bro, like anything that you see on YouTube, you looking at it in our face. We done did everything, you know what I'm saying? From like the vlogs, the magazine, the clothes, and the the events and everything, bringing people down, like we done did that, you know what I'm saying? But we not going call no no big name or nothing like that. We giving it to the people that we actually be around every day that does this shit, yeah, and they do it at a professional level, and yeah, y'all were the people to do it, and y'all came out there very professional, like y'all had like a an actual newscaster mic or something. Like, I'm like, bro, like y'all are serious, but like the footage was amazing, bro. Yeah, I think I was looking at that shit the other day.

SPEAKER_01 47:46

If if Ken then deleted off YouTube, but hey, let me know if it's still there because ours this ours ended up getting distorted. Literally at the distorted party on the distorted. It was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. But yeah, man. Uh this is great.

unknown 48:02

This is a great. This is a great catch up. I love this.