Wedding Industry Mama - Navigating the Unique Scenarios of Motherhood in Our Industry
A Podcast by and for Mothers in the Wedding Industry. Talking about our unique situation and how we can still be relevant even after we see those two pink lines. Each week, we will chat with another wedding industry mom and learn how she balances it all- focusing on a different aspect of this crazy juggling act each episode.
Wedding Industry Mama - Navigating the Unique Scenarios of Motherhood in Our Industry
Episode 2 - Navigating Your Brand's Message as A Mother with Kate of Kate Murtaugh Events
Join us in my conversation with Kate of Kate Murtaugh Events and how she makes sure her family and business can coexist seamlessly. We chat about everything from prospect calls to FOMO on the day of a wedding.
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SPEAKER_01:Hi there, and welcome to Wedding Industry Mama, navigating the unique scenarios of motherhood in our industry. A podcast by and for mamas of the wedding industry so we can prove to us all that it can be done. My name is Meredith, your host and Wedding Industry Mama extraordinaire. I have been a part-time wedding photographer since 2004, a full-time wedding photographer since 2015, and a mother since 2020. I breastfed all of my babies for 14 months and have somehow managed to keep everything running without ever having full-time childcare, and I think you can do it too. You guys, I keep trying to keep these conversations to 20 minutes, but it's just not happening. So with your permission, I'm just going to let these conversations roll. I got to speak with Kate Murtaugh of Kate Murtaugh Events a few weeks ago. That's the other part of this. It's going to take me a little longer than two weeks to edit these episodes with three babies, holidays, and everything else. This one's out a little bit later than I had planned, but I think you guys are going to love it. For nearly two decades, Kate has had the privilege of planning and designing events for diverse clientele, spanning high-profile celebrities, international music festivals, Boston-based magazines, as well as prominent corporations and nonprofits. Her deep-rooted experience in event planning, love for design, and watching her parents' entrepreneurial journey led her to establish Kate Murtaugh Events and Design in 2015. Since then, she has brought over 250 celebrations to life at some of the world's most iconic venues and private estates. Her award-winning work has been recognized and spotted regularly in publications such as Town& Country, The New York Times, Brides, and People Magazine, to name a few. Please welcome Kate Murtaugh of Kate Murtaugh Events. Hi and welcome. I'm so glad you could be here. Yeah, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Of course. Honestly, when And I think mom in the wedding industry, you are literally one of the first people that comes to mind. And that might be because we like know each other, obviously. So that's part of it. And I just I remember you always were talking about your kids when we were in New Orleans. And I think was that the last time I saw you? Oh my gosh, I hope not. I think it might have been. Because the pandemic hit, probably. Yeah, because the pandemic was right after that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, maybe. Wow, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we shared a house together. Everything was great. We had so many girls there. It was fun. Yeah, it was a fun time. Yeah, but no, I mean, that's really true. I really do feel like you're like a mother I don't know I just because you always talked about your kids then so and I didn't have any kids at that point so the whole concept was foreign to me and honestly what I so wanted to talk to you about and this was so interesting because I listened to your other podcast and I heard you say you felt like the last year was kind of um because you recorded that in 2023 right so um 2024 you just said the booking was a little off for 2024 which I actually found the same and I honestly was thinking to myself it was because I became a mom and I was like so into becoming a mom or having the kids you know that I thought that was the problem I was like what because I had a slower booking season two so yeah it's hard not to like look inside and and worry about that so anyway I was just wanted to say yeah I was inspired by your podcast yeah because it just it was like okay first of all everybody has this problem but second of When I think of you, I never once have thought of you as like not being successful for even a second. I know you mentioned that like you were like, is it me? Is it me? And I from the outside, you are. one of my favorite planners of all time, beautiful design. Yeah. So I just, you should know that right off the bat. I just, I think you're amazing and I think you're balancing it all so well, which is why I wanted to chat with you about how, how you balance everything and, and are so successful at the same time. So.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, awesome. I'm excited to chat. I mean, I think it's Instagram versus reality a lot of times. I mean, but, but it's all, it's kind of all I know, right? Like you kind of, just like the first time you become a parent you don't know what to expect but once you do become a parent you just roll with it because it's all you know and you just have to do it you know wake up and put your put your clothes on and do it advantage and so um but yeah I'm excited to chat about it because it's something I've always felt really passionate about um and I can't wait to see more and more people in our industry if they choose to decide being parents um I know that there's a lot of hesitation for a lot of people to actually even start families because they're so nervous about what it's going to do their business. But what I try to tell people all the time, because a lot of people will... Come to me and ask me for advice or guidance. And obviously, every situation is incredibly personal, but it can be done and it doesn't have to be a negative. Right,
SPEAKER_01:right. Yeah. So, I mean, that's, that's why I wanted to start this whole podcast because I, I, when I first became pregnant, I Well, I don't know if you listened to my first part, but I ended up having a miscarriage, but I was so like, my first thought was like, oh my gosh, what is this going to do to my business? So I, that's why I wanted to make this podcast to make sure that the women in the industry know that it's, it is possible to be a mom. It is possible to have a successful wedding industry business. And I feel like so many people hide it. I don't know if you have noticed that too. Like people don't, don't even don't post about their kids. A lot of them And honestly, every time I post about my kids too, I have the same problem. I feel like I worry that it's not going to speak to my ideal couple because they probably don't have kids yet. So, I mean, I don't... So, no, I really am curious, like, what are your thoughts on that and, like, balancing it all and...
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting that you say that because I do agree that it's almost like people... not more embarrassed, but they don't want to admit that they have a family in this industry. Um, or like they, they do want to put it on the back burner in terms of like showing it publicly. And I obviously, again, I think it always comes back to, you have to do what's right for your business and what you feel. I mean, the same can be said for anything political, religious, et cetera. Um, in my opinion though, I feel strongly that, um, My clients need to know the minute they start talking with me that this business is led by a very involved mom of three kids. If I get a client that matches with me in every other way, but they don't understand that I'm a mom and family comes first no matter what, then we're not a good fit. I think that... I'm incredibly blessed with an incredible group of clients each and every season. And for me, the clients that I serve and our team serves are family-oriented and family-forward. So they kind of go into it with the same thought process and the same feelings of family being number one and being important. And I think that... those are the people then that understand when it doesn't happen often, but they're the people that understand that like, I have a kid home from sick, sick from school today. And I literally have no childcare other than kindergarten. So I'm so sorry, but I have to move this call and I will try everything in my power to not have that work that happened. And I have an incredibly supportive team. I know, you know, I have two people that work year round and, and full-time so now I can lean on it's not just me when it was just me it was even harder and that was the case for a very long time yeah but now I can like lean on team members to carry a call without me if I need to but there are times when I have to lean into the client and say like I'm so sorry but do you mind rescheduling and my my clients are great about it because they knew from day one that family is incredibly important to us not only is my family important to me but my clients become family. And so I think it just kind of comes back to the values and the morals and just the foundations of setting the expectation, the foundation of who we are as a company, who we are in terms of our brand ethos. And we are not stuffy planners. We work with a lot of clients in terms Most, if not all of our clients are luxury clients and above. And so there definitely is a different kind of expectation in terms of level of service and communication and how we speak and work with our clients. But we are not, at the same time, we work with the people that still, they may have money and they're fortunate to have these incredible lavish celebrations, but they still value family over money. over other things. And so for us, it kind of comes back to how they also treat us and value our relationships and our involvement in the planning experience. And then obviously how they respect me and my time in the balance of our personal work-life balance.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, that's awesome. I mean, it's so great that you found people like that. Not to harp on the negative, but I do have a question. So you did mention that everybody... you vet them and if they're great in every sense of the word um except knowing that you have a family have you come across anybody that has that you know has said oh well because you have your family like i don't think we'd be a good fit or could you vet that out like i i'm honestly curious because i i wish i could know that ahead of time too and i think there's a difference too because planners you guys have a lot of calls leading up to the wedding whereas photographers we do but it's not quite as often so the call that I'm taking are usually inquiry calls. Like that's the most I'm on the phone is for new clients. And so if the first impression is that my two-year-old is crying in the background or that I have to reschedule the call because they're sick, I'm always so concerned, like, oh my God, that's, that's not going to come up. It's like a first impression. So have you, have you had clients that you have been great every other way or not clients, but inquiries that have been great in every other way, but that then you notice like, oh, they're not okay with family.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, I think what's important to note is like, I don't... I definitely, so I, I obviously just said that I definitely make sure it's known that like this, the creative director and CEO of this company is a mom and family comes first, but I don't, I obviously don't lead with that in the sense that it's like, I'm a mom. If you can't support that, then go away. Um, I, you know, I always have a process when I have a prospect call. I always talk a little bit. I ask the client obviously to tell me more about themselves. And then I also talk to them about myself and introduce myself, what's important to me, how I even came into this industry, which is very, you know, very much based on my own celebration and my own wedding, which obviously comes back to my family. And so I think that, you know, there have been maybe two prospects in, you know, 11 years that there was red flags before signing a contract. And, um, we just, you know, I just kind of went back to them after the fact and said, I don't, I don't think we're going to be a good fit. What were those red flags? Um, I think it was like the expectation on timing, um, in terms of, um, Well, actually, one of them, they outwardly just asked me, like, I want you to be able to answer my emails right away. And so, like, what is your expectation around that? Like, I see that you have kids. Like, what... Tell me about that. And so, obviously, that was a huge red flag because I was able to be like, um...
SPEAKER_01:Yep, my kids are first. Yeah, and
SPEAKER_02:I... Don't get me wrong. I am... I am always on my email more than I should be. I... I take my job and my business incredibly seriously and it is my next baby. But at the end of the day, I'm also a mom to three kids and like the part of their lives that like memories are really important and the time that they have with me and my husband are incredibly important. And I think it took a long time to realize it. I've always been family forward. I've always been mom number one. But honestly, up until maybe like the last two years, like even during the summer season when we have the bulk of our weddings, like the FOMO that I had going into every wedding weekend was so bad and severe because I just felt like I'm missing so many core memories with my children.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And even just the relationship with my husband, like, you know, and I... last fall it really hit me hard because at the end of September obviously September is one of our busiest months for New England wedding vendors and I remember just trying to talk to my kids like at home at dinner and they just naturally just kept gravitating towards my husband and they just kept like they wouldn't come to me like if they needed something they would just go to him but it was honestly because that summer was absolutely insane that September was absolutely insane and they were just so my kids were just so conditioned to just go to dad first because I was always at a wedding and I was like I can't do this anymore like I know at the end of the day like it doesn't mean that all that much and like it's just a little phase and kids go through those things even naturally but
SPEAKER_00:I was
SPEAKER_02:like I it's hurting my soul as a mom to like not have that and so I would I've been even more structured and intentional about time even at weddings now and and purposely staffing so that I don't have to be there 17 hours a day um but yeah I mean I think that I try to pay very close attention to the questions asked during our prospective calls and I try to um ask a little bit about family dynamic and just kind of figure that out a little bit. Usually it comes to me in a very natural way because that is a huge important part of the planning journey. And some people come to us without any familial support. Some people come to us with too many cooks in the kitchen. But just kind of, I can kind of tell and read through the lines with some of those things too. There have been, sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01:So I was just going to say, I think when you've been doing it for as long as we, you and I have, I think we both started the same same year, actually. In terms of full-time, I think you start to be able to vet those more easily, although it's definitely something different you're looking for after becoming a mom rather than before. The same things that set me off now as a red flag wouldn't set me off before I was a mom as a red flag. 100%. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And
SPEAKER_02:I think... Yeah, I think it's almost something you can't even explain, but I can just, I feel like I've always been really good at having a good gut instinct and just kind of being able to read a room or read beneath, you know, the surface of what's happening. And so I can kind of, I can just, I can just get a gut feeling and I can tell when it's going to be a really good magical fit with a client. And I've also gotten really, I've become really good as I've become more tenured in this industry. To actually just say no right from the start. And I think that was also really hard. I mean, when I first started my business, you couldn't catch me with a 10 foot pole, like saying no to anything because I just wanted the opportunity. I was so eager and excited to do anything and everything to put myself out there. That's how we met was through Rising Tide Society. And I purposely joined that. And I'm not a networker. I was just having this conversation with somebody. This is kind of going on a tangent. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03:No,
SPEAKER_02:it's okay. I was just talking to a close friend in the industry yesterday because I'm generally actually a very introverted, shy person. And I don't enjoy networking. I don't really enjoy being in these large, crowded groups because it's intimidating to me. I've always been like that. I still get flashbacks of college orientation when you're doing those horrible
SPEAKER_01:introduction exercises. Of course, friendships.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. So it's just not something that I've ever been really comfortable with because I'm shy and I'm introverted. That said, I do live... this life of being a business owner where I have to turn it on and I have to be, I, you know, I'm an introverted, an extroverted introvert. Like I know how to turn it on. I'm, I don't care. Like I'm, I can present in front of a group and be fine. But when I get to be one-on-one, I like, or in a networking situation, it's intimidating to me. And so like, but I definitely, you know, put myself out there and I, and I tried to do anything and everything I could to just like, get so much, so much experience. And I said yes to a lot of people that were not a good fit, but I just wanted to, to get the ability, you know, learn from my mistakes and, and grow as a business owner, grow as a creative. And I am a creative by nature. So I just, I can never sit still for too long. Um, but now, you know, Like about 10 years in, I'm not afraid to say no to someone that I know right off the bat is not a good fit. And one of the biggest red flags to me is the acceptance of family right away.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's amazing. And also, I know you mentioned like how the kids were kind of going to your husband a lot. The other day, I just posted this yesterday, actually. So my daughter, they were told at school to draw what your mom likes doing. Oh, I saw this. Yeah. And she played me sitting at my desk working and I'm like, it's kind of sad that she thinks that I, I mean, I, of course I love. a company like why on earth would I have this if I or do this if I didn't love it but I also am kind of sad that she thinks that's all I like to do you know 100%
SPEAKER_02:I literally the almost exact thing happened to me you know on Mother's Day how like the kids will do those like fill in the blank things and they are usually hilarious because you're like what by a couple years ago my son filled one in for Mother's Day and it was very similar it was like you know what is your mom what does your mom do during the day or something like that? And he goes, she likes to make money. And I was like, first of all, like I do not talk about money around my children at all in a non-responsible way. Like obviously we talk about saving and things like that, but it is not a topic of conversation. And I was like, oh my gosh, like who does he think I am? And also like, if you think the wedding industry is that lucrative then I would be in a different industry you know what I'm saying like I love this industry but I don't do it necessarily for the money so I'm like okay obviously I'm putting some I'm casting some other way you know my projecting some other things to my children so I should probably change that oh my god
SPEAKER_01:I'm glad we both have had similar experiences there because I think I mean it's like you said it's just hard to put the phone down because like somebody inquires and i think a lot of couples like have unrealistic expectations about how quickly people get back and and i get it when i didn't have kids and i started i would answer people all the time like no boundaries i mean same thing as you and also i i identify with the introverted extrovert as well i'm sorry extroverted introvert um And actually it kind of started when I did started sales. I always used to be an extrovert. And then when I started doing sales and it had to be my job to be out there, I suddenly was like, oh my God, I can't relax anymore because I have to like put myself out there so much. So I know that I can turn it on. I know I can turn it on like when I need to, but I honestly get my energy from like being by myself, which by the way, when your mom never happens, like I never, never have time. Yeah. You can't even go to the
SPEAKER_02:bathroom by yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And then so like when I started the business, I was very much, you know, putting myself out there and same thing, just answering inquiries immediately. And I worry that I gave myself unrealistic expectations as a whole. And then, I mean, a lot of the... If you listen to a lot of wedding industry podcast things, a lot of them talk about, you know, make sure you're setting boundaries and that kind of stuff. And I think it's almost it's impossible not to set those boundaries. So it's really just about finding that that client that's OK with it. And absolutely, you know, loves the family, too. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And I think like I think what's hard is that. um, even, I mean, even the most understanding client, there's going to be times where they just don't understand it. I mean, if you don't have children yourself, it's just never going to be a thing you fully understand or realize until you have, like, you can be an empathetic, understanding person to, to a certain extent. But I mean, I think that until you live it day in and day out, you don't know what it's like. And I think that, um, I think that it's not easy by any means whatsoever. But for me, when I graduated college, I started working at this incredible company, and I was there until I went full-time with this. So when I was working in this corporate position, one of the tenants of that business who consistently got recognized for being a great place to work was... the value of work-life balance. And so from a very, very young age, just out of college, like very impressionable and young, I was taught the importance of that day in and day out from the leaders and the colleagues at a Fortune 500 company. And I think I also grew up in a very entrepreneurial family. My dad owns his own business who I still, I'm still very involved add another thing to my to-do list, but I'm still very involved with my family business.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02:I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01:Is that on the South Shore?
SPEAKER_02:No, it's actually headquartered in Connecticut, like right over the border where I'm from in Rhode Island. And it's not something that a lot of people know, but yeah, my dad, we have a family business and I, you know, I'm very involved in that. And so it's, you know, very... I've watched him do this my entire life. And there were years that were so challenging of him being on the road a lot and he traveled a ton. But he also had immense flexibility. And so it kind of spoiled me as a little kid. I just thought that everyone's dad was able to do that. Or everyone's mom and dad were able to do things together like that. And I obviously learned that that's not the case for every family. But it also taught me that that's how I wanted to raise my own family. And so... one of the reasons why I eventually, I started my company part-time, like as a side hustle, working on it at night. But really it was because I knew eventually I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be, you know, a very good partner to my husband. And I knew that for me, I was gonna be able to do what I wanted as a business owner and as an entrepreneur because of the flexibility and all the beautiful things I saw in my own family growing up. And then it encouraged me And was reinforcing me with, you know, with my corporate position, but I just knew ultimately that that wasn't going to work with a lot of traveling and things like that. Yeah. and be a mystery reader. And I can be the class parent and I can take care of myself too and just go to the doctor this morning. You know, there's things that I can do that I don't have to ask anyone's permission. I can do them. And I also don't have to, I can build my schedule around it. And so I think as a parent, being an entrepreneur is actually incredible because there's a lot of hard work. There's a lot of firm expectations and responsibility. But at the same time, it offers me a season from, I mean, this year from October until May, I, a beautiful off season and the flexibility to do things with my family and make memories. And that's what's most important to me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, I mean, that's honestly the biggest draw, right? The fact that it is flexible. And, um, I, I think of skiing and things like that and cozy mountain getaways now as my summer, like summers to me, aren't exactly relaxing anymore. It's more, those are the stressful parts. Um, and so yeah, Yeah, the off-season has become like, oh, I just can't wait to go skiing and go to a cozy cabin with my family. But yeah, I mean, that's the draw of it. So I think that... keeping with that as negative as it can be to have to give up your Saturdays through the summer and I mean every every part of the country is different because you know different seasons but to have that on season off season is just so so helpful and my god I hate it when I like start thinking like oh my god I'm losing my thought I lose it even more
SPEAKER_02:oh yeah I know it's like I literally keep telling myself I'm getting old because I'm turning into my mother I'm like what was I gonna
SPEAKER_01:say yeah I know it's the kids I swear. So, um, no, what I was going to say though, is I think that part of what's happened to, or, or maybe this was always happening. And now that I'm a mom, I'm noticing it, but the move towards luxury, um, because it allows you to take fewer weekends away. I mean, if I'm being fully honest, I made more money in the lovely market than I am now in the luxury market. Um, because I have fewer weddings. Um, And I have fewer weddings and I'm making just, you know, a little bit less than I was when I was serving lovely clients, but I was also working every single weekend. So I feel like... And like, what's the value of that? Right. And I feel like maybe this is me just like honestly coming off the top of my head here, but I think that maybe that's... where this like huge push to luxury is, which I haven't actually understood because I'm saying, you know, if I made more money in Lovely, why is everybody pushing to go towards luxury? I feel like Everyone I know is just like, I'm luxury. I'm luxury. But honestly, not everybody needs to be luxury. It really is. It really just has to be what's best for you and your family. A
SPEAKER_02:hundred percent. I mean, I think that it's what exactly what works for you and what works for your business. If you are a hustler and a go getter and you can churn out a hundred weddings a season. I think do it. I mean, good for you. Obviously, this is super different. I think even within the industry, our roles are so different. I think from a wedding planning perspective, we really only work, well, predominantly work with full service clients. Sometimes we work on a little less of a partnership situation, but really for the most part, it's, it's full service, full design. And we're working with someone, you know, from day one until, you know, through their wedding day, that's a lot of work. And so, and that's hundreds of hours worth of work per client.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And we do not cap communication. We do not cap emails. Like my team is going to do whatever it takes to get it done and to get it done perfectly. Yeah. Um, And so we do cap the amount of clients we take. I don't put a number on it, but every year we kind of do a gut check and feel like, okay, how are we spaced out? How are we distributed? What is it looking like? How are we feeling? We want to make sure we're able to go do some things for ourselves this summer. You know, we do put all that into consideration. But I think that it's, you know, it's just something that... I don't know. It's really hard to kind of explain, but I think that also with the luxury market, it's tough. I think luxury is a buzzword that people love, and they jump on it, and they just think it makes them feel more attractive to a client. But to your point, a lovely client, there is... There is a huge industry for that. And there is a huge market for that. In theory, the higher the weddings are in terms of budget, the less you should be able to take and more money you should be able to make in theory. But that doesn't always work out that way. But yeah, you have to just balance what's most important to you, what's most important to your business. Now as a business owner that has staff, I can't just think about myself anymore. I have to think and make decisions on... Accepting clients and signing contracts so that I also make sure I'm supporting my employees and their life. And that is another level of responsibility that's really hard sometimes because in the slower years or in the slower months... you know, I'm the one that, you know, that takes the sacrifice. I don't want to put my, that on my client, my employees. If, if I ever had to do that, I would, I would take it out of my own, you know, compensation before them or something, you know, if that ever had to come up. Because I feel like I'm not just a mom to my three kids. It's like, I'm like the mama bear for them too. And so it's, it's tough, but you, it's a constant roll of the dice of like, I feel like just when you think you're feeling good, something happens. You're like, okay, I got to look at this in a different way or a different lens. But it keeps you on your toes. And I also think, not to kind of go off on another tangent, but I personally think being a mom makes me a better candidate sometimes, to put it bluntly. Not to say that someone without children is not an incredible candidate in their own right but I think for a lot of my clients specifically the reason why I've actually received the feedback that the reason why they did move forward with us in addition to our design work and our portfolio and and you know how we interviewed and things like that they loved the idea that I was a mom in the sense that I knew how to balance chaos yeah I mean that's what we're doing day in and day out is balancing chaos and as beautiful as someone's life is if you have even just one child if you have six kids it's a constant balance of someone screaming running around getting hurt asking for more food like
SPEAKER_03:you're just always about yeah
SPEAKER_02:exactly it is a wedding um real you know like daily realistic unrealistic expectations like if you think about it is literally like planning a mini wedding and so I think that for me personally I've learned a tremendous amount about being a wedding planner from just running my house in terms of being a mom. And it's taught me patience. It's taught me empathy. It's taught me to really sit and enjoy the moments a little bit more, which is really important. I think that, you know, before I had children, it was more of just like crossing the, you know, checking the boxes off as the wedding day went on and looking through the timeline, almost like a shot list and being like, hey, that's done. That's done. That's done. But I had a wedding last month. and you would have thought like I was bawling like a baby during the father-daughter dance
SPEAKER_01:because I just I'm like I know it's the parent dances for me too now like I used to cry because I'm like sit there
SPEAKER_02:I sit there and envision like one day my husband doing that with my daughter and I'm like this is such a beautiful moment and like I'm just I feel like I'm more present for the moments at these weddings which is really beautiful in a really cool way because I get to take all the hard work that our team has put into this and the beautiful partnerships that we've built with our clients and actually appreciate the moment rather than just trying to check the box off and moving on to the next task and that also makes it really worth it because in those tough moments where I feel like I'm being torn in a million directions and I have the most serious case of FOMO anyone's ever had missing my family at a wedding I can at least comfort myself and give myself a pep talk and be like yes but look at how the beauty in front of you and look at the beauty you were able to bring to this family and and so that one day when they're with their kids like all they have is positive memories and so that's it's it's something that actually keeps me going and and it helps me kind of come to the table as a wedding planner as a business owner and also as a mom and it kind of like how it all kind of ties back to each other and I really really love that
SPEAKER_01:yeah for sure and also I mean we should just normalize multi-passion so I know you mentioned your your father's company it's I just
SPEAKER_02:I
SPEAKER_01:I feel like that should be more normalized. Maybe it's because I'm doing it too, but like I'm multi-passionate. Like I love photography and I still think of that as my primary thing, wedding photography. And I also do branding photography. But as you know, I also work on design for homes for my husband and we're working on an app together. And I just feel like there's so many other talents that someone can have and it doesn't all have to be pigeonholed into one. But I do want to switch gears Only because I did promise everybody 20 minutes, which as I told you, I think that's pretty much turning into an impossible task. Can you talk a little bit about how you balance everything with your family? I think I know on the last podcast you mentioned that you couldn't do it without your family. I feel the same way. Having a great partner, having a great family to help take care of
SPEAKER_02:the
SPEAKER_01:kids is huge. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, I think nothing's changed on that. I mean, I think that I could not do this in this industry. Could I be an entrepreneur if I didn't have a great partner? A hundred percent. But I couldn't do this on the weekends, the late hours, the early mornings without having a really great partner. And my husband is one of my, you know, he is my biggest supporter and he's he always has been and he believes in me and I, you know, without being too like sappy, I just, I couldn't do it without him. And he, as, uh, I would say our relationship is by nature, like we're very equal. We don't really have that traditional, uh, that traditional home where, you know, he works and I'm at home cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids. And of course I, um, lead a lot of those efforts. Um, but when I need to be out of the house and I need to be at work, there is never a hesitation for him to kind of step into whatever role that I can't be there for that day and take over completely and, and just show up and not complain and allow me to have fun and work on my craft.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And it's about give and take. It's not always easy. Like I said at the beginning, it's Instagram versus reality. I am, I'm honored that so many people, um, look to me like as a I don't want to say role model because that sounds too much but you know they look at me and they're like okay she's a mom and she she can do it yeah it's not it's not that amazing on the back end all the time and for sure you know And I think that it's really hard. And there are days where, especially what's going on in our political climate and what's going on in our economy and just the general nature of booking season and how the industry is really transitioning into something very different. It's hard. There's really hard days, but not even just on the childcare side and keeping a house and having two dogs and all this stuff, but it's just like the emotional support of having someone to... know if I just need a moment by myself I can lean on him to be like I got it I'll do bath time or I or just like sit down and have a conversation so I couldn't do it without my husband I couldn't do it without my family who have stepped in many times and helped um we have an amazing nanny that I am obsessed with and I love and she's incredible um so you know it You can't do it alone. You have to have a village around you. It doesn't always have to be family. I'm fully cognizant that not everyone is in a situation where they have family to lean on. Yeah. I hope that everyone has someone in their corner to help them and cheer them on because everyone deserves it. And I also feel really strongly that there's room for everybody in this industry. And I think that we all have, we all, there's enough pizza or pieces of the pie to go around. Oh yeah. And, and I feel like it can get really tough in our industry with competition. While I feel very fortunate and we have a great, network of people, it can also be a little intense at times and it can maybe be a little unkind. And that's, that's not at all what I stand for. I, you know, kindness is key and I have a very firm, no asshole policy. I love that. I, yeah. I mean, it, it literally like it goes for anything from vendors, clients, colleagues, like anything. If you lead with kindness, good things will happen to you. And I'm a firm believer in what you put out into the world comes back to you. And so I live by that. But in moments where I'm working with people that may not believe in that and not respect my boundaries or respect my priorities, I'm not just a wedding planner. I'm a person with feelings and emotions and a family. And I want to be known as that, not just... someone's personal assistant at the end of the day.
SPEAKER_01:mindset of having or you're a mom once you're in that mindset it's like you don't have time for people to be jerks but you also you know you know there's more to life than you know, like they're the most in life is your kids and your family. And it just makes it so much easier to be like, to let, you know, the unimportant stuff roll off your back. And, um,
SPEAKER_02:yeah, I, I, I'm a firm believer in that. I mean, I think that when I think about situations or, or businesses or people in the industry that don't lead with kindness, honestly, most of them do not have children. And again, I'm not trying to make any kind of stereotype or classification because there are hundreds of incredible vendors that don't have children and are amazing to work with. And I would work with day in, day out. But I think that I have often said I wonder if they would do this if they had something at home to also keep them busy like all if all they can do is consume themselves with the wedding that they're planning or designing or photographing or something like that they don't realize that there's so many other important things that could be happening or going on necessarily yeah and I think blending that with always balancing the chaos at home you do have to live for like okay let's we can find a solution. Let's not freak out. Let's take a deep breath. Everything is fixable. Yeah. And, and be nice. Like the golden rule that we teach to our little, like our kids, we, we need to teach to adults too. And I think that, um, and I think that I really love working with other people in the same life experiences because we do, um, There's like a sisterhood there and a brotherhood. I mean, there's plenty of amazing dads too that are in this industry and they get it too. And I think that, yeah, I don't know. It's a really beautiful thing. And I think that the perspective that we can bring to the table as parents is really interesting. And I think for a really long time, parents were looked at as being something that is not worth anything. If you're a parent, you don't need to work with us because we're occupied with other things and we don't value the relationships or the importance of our clients' projects. But I think, honestly, we are lucky to live in today's day and age for some reasons, not all, but for some reasons. And I think some of those are that being a parent is so much more... Being a working parent is so much more accepted than it used to be. Even more so being a working mom. And it's respected and... Speaking of kids having those funny kids say the darndest things, my daughter for Father's Day did something really cute and was filling in something as a gift to my husband and was actually, they asked her what, her dad did for work. And he said, she said nothing. My mom does. Oh my God. That's amazing. And it's so funny because obviously my husband, my husband does work full time. And, um, but I was like, you know what? I kind of loved that because she knows that like I work really hard and I'm, and I want to be a role model to my girls. I have two daughters and I want to show them that they can lead a boardroom one day and they can have their own business and there's things that they can do. And they
SPEAKER_01:could
SPEAKER_02:be president if they want. Exactly. A hundred percent. And There's so much more opportunity now for women working moms. And I feel really grateful to be able to do what I love while also living a life that I love in terms of being a mom and a wife and a family member and friend. So it's really important to me.
SPEAKER_01:That's awesome. Just to conclude, I do love to ask everybody just for the names of a couple of people that you think are crushing it as moms and wedding industry. And feel free to think about it because I know that's kind of an on the spot question. But if you have any names of people that you want to shout out to, like, that you noticed that they seem to be crushing it, at least from Instagram versus reality.
SPEAKER_02:No, I love that. And I love supporting other moms in any way I can. I think from a planning perspective, I have been friends with Kelly Golia for a really long time. And I think she's an incredible planner and designer and has really navigated her path to motherhood with such beauty and grace. And she's a good person. I think we align a lot on our... how we feel about running our businesses and working with kind people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, she's so nice. I love her.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I also, Jessica Hennessey is an amazing mom, an amazing planner and multi-business, speaking of multi-passion, owns multiple businesses. I, you know, I love following her and her journey. Jill Landry and Lindsay Platts at Beach Plum Floral and Jay Landry and Co., our dear, dear friends, and I love you. being their friend and colleague and, and watching them through motherhood and, um, watching myself and like kind of all coming together. And they've been incredible friends as well. So, I mean, there's just so many of them. Steph Valiante is one of my best friends and I always love her because motherhood is actually what brought us together. I had reached out to rising tide society, looking for a newborn photographer for my oldest child, who's now eight and a half. And she was who we had shoot our newborn photos. And literally just became one of my closest confidants in business. And, and I love her to death and, um, she's an amazing mom. And, um, I think, you know, it's, it's not always easy to, you kind of alluded to having a miscarriage earlier and I've had a miscarriage. And I fertility and adoption and just tragedy and just you know there's a lot of downs it's not all ups and I think that you know to handle all those things while you're also managing a business is a feat in itself and I think that knowing a lot of people in our industry and their stories and how they came to be moms is really inspiring in itself not to mention the fact they're always they're also balancing an incredibly successful and many times award-winning business so I love that Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I mean, I think as I think I'm going to talk to her next week, but Carly Michelle has mentioned how she had IVF. She mentioned it publicly on her stories, which is the only reason I reached out to her. But I can't imagine having that. I mean like the whole miscarriage thing that I miscarried in December so thankfully when it happened it wasn't in the middle of wedding season but I mean I can't imagine having to go through something like that in the middle of wedding season too but also I think I don't know much about IVF but I'm curious to talk to her about it I think there are lots of shots involved and hormones and that's gotta mess with you especially
SPEAKER_02:like I have many close friends that have gone through it and And it's been something that, I mean, they're heroes. Like, they put their bodies, as if pregnancy is not enough. And not everyone can have a baby through, you know, pregnancy. They've come into motherhood in other ways. And I love that. That's just as beautiful. But I think that you're literally putting your body on the line to even attempt to get pregnant. And I think that's just such a beautiful sacrifice in itself. And I just, yeah. it's, it's honestly, it's hard not to get emotional thinking about being a mom and a business owner and being in the wedding industry, because, you know, there's a lot on our plate. If you're in that, if you're in those clubs and it's, um, but it's really something to be proud of because I think that, you know, it's, like I said, it's a sisterhood and we can lean on each other for support and help. And, um, You know, there have been many times where I've reached out to other colleagues in the industry, you know, fairly emotional and saying, like, what should I do? Like, how do I do this? And we're there for each other. And it's really, I mean, I even remember I was, like, pregnant. eight months pregnant, essentially homeless because we sold our house and we couldn't find another house to buy. Oh my gosh, is that when we were texting? Yeah, you were even like, oh my God, there's a house that's going for sale in this town. Here's my realtor. I mean, as silly as that sounds, just to know that there's always someone coming out of my DMs or my texts that wants to help or be there for me in so many different ways. And I try to do just as much for other people. And I just think that we have a really beautiful community here.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, we definitely do. And yeah, I remember, I mean, I definitely text Jessica Hennessey a lot about various kid things and it's great. Like we'll chat on the phone sometimes and I'm just like, you know, the kids are screaming in the background on my end or on her end and we both could just kind of shrug. It's like white noise at this point. It is. Yes, I know. It's terrible, but I can very easily zone my kids out. You know, you got to do what you got to do because you have to get things done. So, but thank you so much for all of your insight. I really, I'm so excited for people to hear this. I love chatting with you. And I think, I mean, you had so much insight and I think it was just such a positive experience. positive note for anyone even looking to become pregnant to like know there is hope and this is exactly why i wanted to start this podcast was to chat about things like this and um you know give everyone the courage
SPEAKER_02:yeah it's a beautiful thing for sure
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Well, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. And anytime anyone wants to reach out and just needs any guidance or a pep talk, I'm also all ears and I'd love to help anyone I can.
SPEAKER_01:Perfect. And then actually, I didn't do this on the last one, but tell me, what's your, how can people find you, social media, website? Tell
SPEAKER_02:me
SPEAKER_01:all the things.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so my website is katemurtaevents.com and my handle on Instagram is katemurta. And, you know, just we love posting behind the scenes stuff and we're pretty engaged and active. So that's where you can find us.
SPEAKER_01:Yay. All right. Awesome. Thanks so much. Yeah, thank you. Wow. I don't know about you guys, but I got a lot from chatting with Kate. Everything from inquiry calls to not taking life too seriously. It was a great conversation. Next time I'm chatting with Megan of OFD Consulting, who has been a mom for 20 years and navigated ADHD through the process. So join us next time. I can't wait to see you guys there. Love you. Melanie, don't touch my... Hey mamas, thanks for listening. Don't forget to hit that follow button and we'll see you at the next episode.