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Conflict Owner's Manual

Yes, we are your conflict tech support. We help you improve conflict competencies you already have. Our logo is a dandelion because conflict is like a weed invading your garden. You want to know how to manage it, and keep it from spreading. In each episode, we give you one real life conflict competency you can use right away to improve your skills, which will also improve the quality of your relationships.

Dr. Deborah Sword is a specialist in conflict analysis and management. Tyson Bankert is a community facilitator and artist. We have decades of experience helping people improve their conflict competencies.

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Conflict Owner's Manual

122 Five ways to stay non defensive when you're feeling attacked

February 08, 2026 • Dr. Deborah Sword, with co-host Tyson Bankert • Season 5 • Episode 122

0:00 | 5:12

Tense situations come with high emotions and drama. It's hard to to be non defensive, even when you want to. A listener asked for a step-by-step guide to being non defensive. While there's not a one-size-fits-all-guide for any conflict, here are five conflict competencies that help non-defensiveness. Combine, rearrange, and use these five in ways that work for you. They are not all the skills you need, but practice them, and you're on your way to improving your conflict competence, and the quality of your relationships.

Show notes of the five conflict competencies:

1. Listening: Episode 70 is one of a few about listening https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6__TLF-bfo
2. Perspective taking: We have a few episodes about perspective taking
The latest is 114 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKGq2mHa9Zk&t=2s
3. Questioning: Start with episode 77 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zXuOFfhuZU
4. Managing expectations Episode 17 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KgCsCR9xis
5. Non judgment: Episode 85 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fbENxFhQF0&t=7s

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Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share.

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