We Are So Vulnerable to Kindness: Companion AI as a Human, not a tech, Problem

In this convo, Tricia Friedman and Kimberly Becker explore the concept of Companion AI and its implications for human relationships. They discuss the emotional connections people form with AI, the impact of social media on friendships, and the challenges of navigating conflict in a digital age. The discussion also touches on the importance of repair in relationships, the anxiety generation, and the role of emotional intelligence in understanding technology. They conclude by reflecting on the future of Companion AI and its potential to shape human connection.

Keywords
Companion AI, Emotional Intelligence, Friendship, Social Media, Technology, Human Connection, Loneliness, Repair, Anxiety Generation, Listening Literacy

Books

• Anon — Caia Hagel
  Publisher page (Canada): https://www.harpercollins.ca/products/anon-caia-hagel-9781443469909
• Clara and the Sun — Kazuo Ishiguro
  Publisher page: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/564109/clara-and-the-sun-by-kazuo-ishiguro/
• The New Age of Sexism — Laura Bates
  Full title: The New Age of Sexism: How AI and Emerging Technologies Are Rewiring Misogyny (2025).
  Publisher listing:
  https://greenapplebooks.com/book/9781464234361
• How to Speak Chicken by Melissa Caughey: https://www.storey.com/books/how-to-speak-chicken

Research / Theory

• Sherry Turkle (2024) – “Who We Become When We Talk to Machines”
  Artificial Intimacy: Who We Become When We Talk to Machines https://mit-genai.pubpub.org/pub/uawlth3j/release/2
• Brown & Levinson politeness theory (1978)
  Politeness: Some Universals in Language Usage (Cambridge University Press, 1987; original work circulated as a 1978 manuscript): ​
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politeness_theory 
• “My Roomba is Rambo” paper
  Full title: “‘My Roomba is Rambo’: Intimate Home Appliances” (UbiComp 2007). PDF:https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-540-74853-3_9
  https://faculty.cc.gatech.edu/~hic/hic-papers/Roomba-Ubicomp.pdf

Apps / Orgs / Other

• Replika app (AI companion)
  Official site: https://replika.com
• New York City companion‑AI Valentine’s Day pop‑up
  I could not find a clearly titled NYC “companion AI Valentine’s Day” pop‑up event with a stable news URL; coverage instead folds into broader AI‑companions stories (e.g., CBC, Brookings, etc.). CBC feature on AI companions and emotional support:
  https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/companion-ai-emotional-support-chatbots-1.7620087
• Tricia’s organization, Shifting Schools
  Main site: https://shiftingschools.com
• Substack post on politeness theory: https://open.substack.com/pub/kpb12177/p/how-reward-driven-ai-politeness-collapses?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
• Robot dance for the lunar new year: https://youtu.b