#29: Overthinking Is Killing Your Dreams: 8 Strategies to Break the Spiral

In this episode, I’m getting real about something that so many of us silently struggle with—overthinking. You know, those 3 a.m. spirals, the constant “what ifs,” and the endless loops that leave you feeling stuck and drained. If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in your head, overanalyzing every decision, replaying conversations, or imagining every possible outcome before you even take the first step—you’re not alone.

I’m walking you through the real cost of overthinking (spoiler: it’s your peace, your creativity, and yes—your dreams), plus I’m sharing the truth about why overthinking feels helpful (but isn’t), how it quietly sabotages your momentum, and the  8 powerful strategies to help you break the cycle. 

If your thoughts have been too loud to hear your intuition lately, let’s turn down the noise and take your power back. Are you ready to  get your brain off the hamster wheel? Yes? Then, grab a notebook, take a breath, and let’s get out of the spiral together.

00:16 Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast

00:52 Identifying Overthinking

02:29 The Impact of Overthinking

05:14 Types of Overthinking

09:38 The Truth About Your Thoughts

14:51 Eight Strategies to Stop Overthinking

26:29 Final Reminders and Conclusion

28:41 Legal Disclaimer

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Transcript

0:00

overthinking is a signal. It's not a solution. It tells you something feels risky or uncertain, but it can't tell you what to do about it.

Speaker 3 0:10

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:32

Hello. Hello my friend. Welcome back to the Distracted Dreamer. I am your friend and host Carlene, and if this is your first time here, welcome, welcome. I am so glad that you found us, and this is one of those episodes where you might wanna grab a pen and paper and jot some things down or open your notes app, whatever works for you. Today I'm sharing some great strategies to help you with something that's well pretty familiar for most of us. Overthinking. You know, the drill, that endless loop of what ifs, the Google searches, the hypothetical conversations you rehearse in your head at 2:00 AM and we convince ourselves that we're being thorough or we're being prepared and we're just making sure. But really. We're spinning. So if you're in that space today of analysis paralysis, mental spiraling, trying to think your way into the right decision, then you are in the right place. So today, you're gonna be able to identify if you're an overthinker. And I think most of us already know, but I'm just gonna give you a little checklist and I can tell you that I am a hundred percent an overthinker. Mine wakes me at 3:00 AM and I'm spiraling over things that aren't even things that deserve my thoughts and energy. But dang it, when my brain is asleep, it has a mind of its own. And we're going to talk about the research that explains why when your brain is at rest, that is prime time for overthinking to kick in. And we're also going to talk about the two kinds of overthinking, and we're gonna talk about the truth, about your thoughts. And finally, I am going to give you those eight strategies, the eight ways to finally end that spiral of overthinking, and finally, get yourself some relief. Getting a grip on overthinking, it's really critical for your mental health, for your sleep. And for your dreams, because I have to tell you all this overthinking, it's killing your dreams one thought at a time. First, overthinking actually hinders our decision making, and then we don't take action overthinking it perpetuates worrying about every little thing, which is incredibly stressful. And it also steals our ability to enjoy the present moment. And finally, it zaps our excitement for what's ahead, our future. Now overthinking. It gets in the way of what you want, your dreams and your goals. It is one of the most expensive things in the world because it wastes time, creativity, and productivity. It's like an epidemic of inaction. And we overthink because we're trying to be prepared. We're trying to be responsible and to be thoughtful. But really a lot of the time we're just scared. We're scared to mess up. We're scared to be seen. We're scared to take the wrong step. Can you relate to that? I know. Thinking about doing something, it is not the same as doing it. I'm gonna say that again, thinking about doing something is not the same as doing it, and everyone overthinks sometimes, and it's hard to recognize the spiral of overthinking when you're caught in the middle of it. In fact, your brain might try to convince you that worrying and ruminating is somehow helpful. After all, won't you develop a better solution or prevent yourself from making the same mistake if you spend more time thinking? Not necessarily. In fact, the opposite is often true. Analysis paralysis, it's a real problem. The more you think, the worse you feel and your feelings of misery, anxiety, or anger, it can cloud your judgment and prevent you from taking action. And if you have a DHD, the overthinking, it can be more intense and more frequent. And people often tell me, I can't relax. It's like my brain won't shut off, or my anxiety around this is off the charts. So if you have ever felt that, stay tuned, keep listening, take some notes and you will find at least one nugget today that you can use. To help you get out of the spiral. But first, before we do that, let's talk about the two forms of overthinking. The first form is when we ruminate about the past, and the second form of overthinking is when we're worrying about the future. You notice what's the same about those two things? Nowhere in overthinking are we in the present, and that is the problem. Overthinking. It's different than problem solving. So problem solving it involves thinking about a solution. Overthinking involves dwelling on the problem. Overthinking is also different than self-reflection. Healthy self-reflection is about learning something about yourself or gaining a new perspective about a situation. It's purposeful. Overthinking involves dwelling on how bad you feel and thinking about all the things you have no control over. It won't help you develop any new insight about anything. So time spent developing creative solutions or learning from your behavior is productive, but time spent overthinking. It doesn't matter if it's 10 minutes or 10 hours, it's not going to improve your life. And when you become more aware of your tendency to overthink things, you can actually take steps to change. But first, you have to recognize that overthinking does more harm than good. And sometimes people think that their overthinking somehow prevents bad things from happening. But the research is pretty clear. Overthinking is bad for you and it does nothing to prevent or solve problems. All righty. Here is that checklist. I am going to give you 10 signs that you're an overthinker. I am going to read these to you, and I just want you to mentally think yes or no. I can relate to that. That sounds like me. Yes or no? All righty. So here we go. Can you say yes to? I relive embarrassing moments in my head repeatedly. Is that true for you? How about I have trouble sleeping because it feels like my brain won't shut off. I'm over here raising my hand. How about I ask myself a lot of what if questions next? I spend a lot of time thinking about the hidden meaning in things that people say or events that have happened. What about I rehash conversations I had with people in my mind, and I think about all the things I wished I had or hadn't said. Next. I constantly relive my mistakes. Are you constantly beating yourself up? How about when someone says, or acts in a way that I don't like? I keep replaying it in my mind. Or sometimes I'm not aware of what's going on around me because I'm dwelling on things that happened in the past or worrying about things that might happen in the future. Yeah. That one goes back to, uh, you're not in the present. How about. I spend a lot of time worrying about things I have no control over. Mm-hmm. Raising my hand over here. And finally, I can't move forward on my dreams and goals no matter how simple or complex. So how many times did you answer yes. No shame here. No shame here. It only takes one yes to be an overthinker and we all do it. The key difference is to what degree? And we only know to what degree it is when we really look at how it's impacting our lives. So, can you sleep or are you walking around all day half asleep because you were up all night overthinking. Do you have so many decisions that you have to make but you have no idea how to problem solve and come up with solutions? And are you sitting there just thinking, thinking, thinking, and not taking action? That's how you determine the degree to which overthinking is impacting your life. Overthinking is impacting your life because your thoughts are in charge. When you're overthinking, your thoughts are in charge. Let's talk about the truth, about your thoughts. First of all, our thoughts are not facts. You wanna know what they are. They're just suggestions. So think about that. We take every thought we have and we go, it must be true. I thought it, it must be true, and I forget what the research says, but it's a very high number in the nineties that like 97% of our thoughts are not facts. They are not true. They are simply suggestions from our brains. And not every suggestion deserves a microphone. So here are four quick questions I ask myself when I feel stuck in a spiral. And these are things that I have shared with with my clients over the years. And the first question is ask yourself first. Identify the thought and then ask yourself, is it true? Meaning is it a fact? Would it stand up in a court of law? Is the sky blue? Is that true? Yes. Today, that's true. And one of the biggest mistakes that you can make is assuming that all your thoughts are true. We automatically believe it, that if it's in our head, it must be accurate. And I have to tell you most of what we think is inaccurate. If I think it, it must be real. That's what we think, and I promise you'll be shocked by how many lies you have cluttering up your head. Alright, the second question to ask yourself is, is this thought helpful? Because the question, is it true it won't be enough to smoke out the lies in your head, asking yourself, is this thought helpful? Does it move you forward? Or is this thought keeping you stuck? Does it lead to you making a decision or does it limit you making a decision? Does it generate you taking action or are you being apathetic? A client of mine told me that she will never be able to get rid of the clutter in her house. Never. Never. She will never be able to get rid of the clutter in her house. She was raised in a cluttered house and she doesn't know any other way of living, but that's not entirely true. Yes, she grew up in a cluttered home, but what is not true is that she will never be able to get rid of clutter in her own adult home. It is also not helpful because it stops her from taking action. She's already made up her mind by listening to this thought. Here's the great thing. She can choose another thought, like, I can figure this out and ask someone to help me. She can make a choice to take one small action of cleaning out one drawer or one closet or one cabinet. The third question is, is it kind? Are your thoughts kind? Is the thought you're listening to kind to yourself after listening to it a few times, do you feel better about yourself? Are you encouraged about your life? And the opportunities for my client, her thought of, I'll never be able to get rid of the clutter in my home. It's not kind. It tells her she's not capable, and that's not true. And it's not kind and it's not helpful. So Dr. Mike Peasley, he asked 10,000 people how overthinking made them feel, and 73% responded inadequate. 73% of people said when they overthink, they feel inadequate. And then when asked if overthinking left them feeling drained, 52% of people said yes. It totally zaps our energy. Do you know why overthinking makes you feel inadequate and drained because you've been listening to unkind thoughts about yourself? On repeat if you're still stuck, figuring out which thoughts to tune into. Ask this last question. Would I say it to a friend? Your thoughts should encourage your dreams, not sabotage them if you wouldn't say it to a friend. You don't say it to yourself. It doesn't deserve any space in your brain. Overthinking it thrives on unkind thoughts. It's a bully. It leaves you feeling inadequate and drained. Why? Well, because when you're listening to your inner critic on repeat, it's impossible to feel capable or creative, but we get to choose which thoughts we believe by asking those four questions. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? And would I say this to a friend? And it's much easier to reflect on these questions when you're not in a full on spiral, which is why I'm sharing with you eight tools to quiet the spiral. So this is where you are gonna wanna continue to take some notes'cause you've got those four questions. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? And would I say this to a friend? This next segment, we're gonna be talking about those eight strategies that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode. So these are tools to quiet that spiral. And what's interesting is the brain becomes trained to believe that overthinking is the same thing as taking action. Yes. The brain becomes trained to believe that overthinking is the same thing as taking action, and it is not. Overthinking is the art of creating problems that don't yet exist. Dissecting situations from every angle and second guessing, every choice that we make thinking is a good thing. It prepares you. It's a way to process all of your creative ideas. It means you're being thoughtful in your choices, but overthinking is not so good. Thinking is good, but overthinking is not so good and overthinking it stems from your innate desire to control outcomes, to avoid making any mistakes, and you're looking for perfection. And all of that, it leads to stress and anxiety and overwhelm. And worse, it zaps your confidence. So here are those eight powerful strategies to help you get out of that spiral of overthinking. The first one is to put aside perfectionism. Perfect. It is one of the. Biggest killers to making decisions because it operates on the faulty all or nothing thinking, right? If I don't make the perfect decision, well then I'm just not gonna make a decision at all because I don't know what that is. for example, perfectionism, it can lead you to believe that if you don't make the correct choice as if there's only one right option, then you are a failure, or that you must know everything and anticipate every possibility and have a thorough plan in place before we even make a move. Trying to weigh every possible outcome and consideration that is paralyzing. In order to curb this perfectionism tendency, you can ask yourself questions like, which decision will have the biggest positive impact on my top priorities? Question number two, of all the possible people I could please or displease, which one or two people do I least want to disappoint? Here is a hint. The top person on that short list is you. You are the person that you should be pleasing. Number three. What is one thing I could do today that would bring me closer to my goal? Just one thing. Just one thing. And number four, based on what I know and the information that I have at this moment, what is the best next step? After all, it's much easier to wrap your head around and take action towards a single next step rather than trying to project months or years into the future. Okay, so that was number one. Put aside perfectionism. The second strategy to get out of that spiral is to give equal airtime to overthinking the good and the bad. When you catch yourself overthinking, I want you to stop. And then I want you to start thinking about the good things. So your default might be to ask yourself the question, what if I make the wrong decision? And instead, what I want you to ask yourself is, what will it feel like when I make the best decision? Or here's another one. Instead of asking yourself, what if it all falls apart? Ask yourself, what if everything goes as planned or. Instead of asking, what if everyone judges me or hates the thing that I'm doing? Instead, ask yourself, what if everyone loves this thing that I'm doing? And finally, instead of asking yourself, what if it's a complete flop, ask yourself, what if it goes so much better than I ever imagined? Remember, your answers are only as good as the questions that you ask. This means you'll never get the right answers if you're not asking the right questions. The third strategy. To help you get outta the spiral is to accept or deny your thoughts. We talked about this earlier, so the brain, it's constantly churning out all kinds of thoughts, but thinking it's a two-way street. So while the brain may be offering you constant thoughts, it's ultimately up to us to decide if we accept them. Let's say you have a big idea for a creative project and your brain just automatically throws out, no one's going to take you seriously. Who do you think you are? You can pause and you can ask. Let's go back to those questions. Is it true? Well, the answer to that is not necessarily, I've done bold things before. Is it helpful? Nope. It's just making me hesitate. And finally, is it kind? Definitely not. Oh, and not finally, would you say this to a friend? Would you tell a friend? No one's going to take you seriously. Who do you think you are? Absolutely not. You would never say that to a friend. So instead of accepting it, you might say, that's just an old fear talking thanks, but no thanks. Or choose a more empowering thought, like I may not have all the answers, but I'm allowed to try. So you don't have to take every alarming thought that pops into your head as truth. In fact, you can actually use those overthinking moments to question and fact check what is true. So that worried thought, it doesn't have as much power over you. Alright, number four is to try the 10, 10, 10 test. First, I want you to remember, you can always make another decision. Most decisions that we make in life, we can usually make another decision somewhere down the road. If you're worried about the prospect of a decision bombing, try the 10, 10, 10 test. When the prospect of falling flat on your face takes over, think about how you'll feel about the decision in 10 weeks, 10 months, and 10 years from now. So let's say you've been obsessing for days about whether to send this pitch email to a dream client. You're worried. What if they think I'm not experienced enough? What if I say the wrong thing? Well use the 10, 10, 10 approach. So ask yourself in 10 weeks, will I regret not trying? Probably in 10 months could this have opened a new door for me? Yes. In 10 years, will I even remember this exact email? Nope. And that perspective can help you push send with a little more peace. It's likely that the choice will be inconsequential or that you won't even remember. It was a big deal. And your answers can help you put things in perspective and rally the motivation that you need to take action and send that email. All right, the fifth strategy. To get out of that spiral of overthinking is to right size the problem. Some decisions they're worth mulling over while others not so much. But before you can make that call, write down what goals, priorities, or people in your life that will be impacted by your decision. This will help you differentiate between what's meaningful and what's not worth obsessing over. So here's an example. Let's say you've been overthinking for days, whether to change your Instagram bio. You've rewritten it like 14 times, but when you pause and ask, is this really going to impact my long-term goals, or the people who matter most, the answer is probably no. Or ask, is this decision carved in stone? Can I make a new decision tomorrow? The answer is absolutely yes. And then you also might wanna try saying, this isn't a life or death moment. I'll choose a version I like for now and move on. Strategy number six is ask yourself what do you have control over? Simple and to the point. If you don't have control over it, let it go. Focus on what you can control. Maybe you're launching something new, but you're spiraling about whether people will buy it, whether the timing is perfect, or whether someone else has already done it better. Those are not things that you can control. Here are some things that you can control. You can control writing the most honest message that you can. You can control whether you show up consistently or not. You can control talking to people you trust to get feedback. You can control taking care of your energy, and that is where your power is. All right, the seventh strategy, and I love this one because I, I live my life by a plan, is to make a plan, set a deadline on your overthinking. And take action or make a decision. For example, this is what I mean. Tell yourself I can sit here and spiral for 30 minutes and then I'm gonna go for a walk and shake it off and I'm gonna make a decision and take some action. That's it. You have to take control of the overthinking. And finally number eight, and this is something that I refer to at the beginning of the episode about me waking up at 3:00 AM spiraling Well, according to Natalie Dillo, she's a clinical health psychologist in Boston, and she's a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. She says that when the brain is at rest, the areas that light up in the brain. Are the problem solving areas and the areas associated with self-referential thinking. So what does this mean? This means that when left to its own devices, the brain will overthink. This means that you have to train your brain to do otherwise. Particularly if you're overthinking at certain times, like before bed or in the middle of the night like I do, it is possible to reprogram that habit with other mind clearing activities like meditation and mindfulness. Okay, so those were the eight strategies to help you get out of the spiral of overthinking. Let's run through those really quick here. Let me go up to my notes. Okay. Number one was to put aside perfectionism. Number two, give equal airtime to overthinking the good and the bad. Number three, accept or deny your thoughts. Are they true? Are they not true? Number four, try the 10, 10, 10 Test. Number five, right size the problem. Number six, ask what you have control over. Number seven, make a plan. And number eight, retrain your brain. Okay. Let's land this episode with a few reminders. How does that sound? And these reminders are reminders that you can carry with you whenever your mind starts spiraling again. First reminder is overthinking is a signal. It's not a solution. It tells you something feels risky or uncertain, but it can't tell you what to do about it. The second thing, you don't need to know all the answers. Only the next right step. Third, perfection isn't required. Your future self doesn't care. If you got it perfect, your future self only cares that you kept going. And number four, and this is so important. Clarity is in the action. It comes when we take that one next best step, because we always learn something once we've taken action. Don't think, do and remember this. You already know. You've just been thinking so loud that you can't hear it. So the next time you catch yourself spiraling over, planning, obsessing over every possibility, pause, use the tools we talked about today, you're not behind, you're not failing. You're just dreaming big, my friend. And sometimes that gets noisy and that's okay. Now I have to know what overthinking strategy or strategies are you going to try first? Leave a comment below this episode. If you're listening on Spotify, there's a little comment section down there, or you can hit the Send Carlene a text link that's in the show notes below, and those come directly to me. And if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone you know who's deep in the overthinking zone. Thank you for being here with me today. Remember, your dreams are waiting for you and your time is now and I'll be back next week. Ready to welcome you to our next conversation.

Carlene 28:39

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.