#50: Midlife, Menopause, and the New Brain You Didn’t Expect

I’ve been flooded with messages from you since last week’s episode — so many of you said, “This is me. This is what I’ve been feeling. And I had no idea what to call it.”

You’re not alone.

If you’re in your 40s or 50s, and your brain suddenly feels foggy, unmotivated, or like it’s just… off — this episode is for you. 

We’re talking about what’s actually happening to your brain in midlife, and why it’s not about aging — it’s about repetition, hormone loss, and disconnection. And most importantly, I’ll show you how to wake it up again.

Menopause and ADHD symptoms can look very much the same. You asked what you can do to help yourself? And today I'm going to give you exactly that. Because your brain needs a new kind of support. 

THREE KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

1️⃣ Your brain isn't slowing down because time is passing— it's slowing down from repetition. 

2️⃣ Routines bring comfort, but too much sameness can make your brain go quiet.

3️⃣ Your dreams are THE fuel for keeping your brain firing on all cylinders.

SOURCES:

Burzynska, A.Z., wong, C.N., Voss, M.W., Cooke, G.E., Gothhe, N.P., Fanning, J., & Kramer, A.F. (2015). Physical activity is linked to greater white matter integrity in healthy older adults. Frontiers in Aging Neuroscience, 7, 139.

Cabeza, R., Nyberg, L., & Park, D.C. (Eds.). (2017). Cognitive neuroscience of aging: Linking cognitive and cerebral aging (2nd ed.). Oxford University Press.

Par, D. C., & reuter-Lorenz,P. (2009). The adaptive brain: Aging and neurocognitive scaffolding. Annual Review of Psychology, 60, 173-196.

Martensson, J., Lovden, M., Bodammer, N.C., Kuhn, S., Schaefer, S., Schmiedek, F., & Lindenberger, U (2012). Growth of language-related brain areas after foreign language learning. Neurolmage, 63(1), 240-244

Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only. Please consult a qualified professional before applying any material contained.

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Transcript

Speaker 3 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:23

Well, hello. Hello my friend. Welcome back to the Distracted Dreamer. I'm your host Carlene, and I am really, really glad that you are here today because this is our 50th episode together. Can you believe it? Five zero. And I was reading some stats the other day on podcasts and that most people quit after episode seven, and I get that. I'm pretty sure I felt like quitting after episode seven, but I kept going because of you. You pushed me. You told me that you wanted more, so thank you. We got here to number 50 together and we are gonna keep going, so keep tuning in, keep sharing the episodes with others. Leave a review. Keep talking to me using the text in the in the show notes because I'm hearing you loud and clear. I pulled this episode together. When you blew up my texts after last week's episode where we talked about the intersection of A DHD, menopause and breast cancer and how it's all sabotaging your clarity, your motivation, your focus and your energy, and I got so many text messages, emails and dms from you, and almost all of them were saying the same thing. This is me. This is what I've been feeling and I had no idea what to call it, and here's what really stuck with me. After reading through all your messages was, how many of you said this one phrase? In some version or another, you said, I'm just trying to figure out how to live with my new brain. Not your younger brain, not your pre menopause brain, not the superwoman brain that you had 10 years ago. Your new brain, because you really do have a new brain, the one that's been impacted by hormone loss. Uh, that's navigating dopamine depletion the brain that's showing up differently every day, even when you're trying your hardest. So I, I get it. If you're feeling a little foggy or a little unmotivated or like your brain, it's just not showing up the way it used to. Then I know that you know a lot of other women who are going through the same thing. So go ahead and share this episode with them. Last week in episode 49, we talked about why this is happening, and today we're gonna dig into what you can actually do about it. And here's a little footnote. I've put all the sources for everything I'm sharing with you in the show notes. I, I did a ton of research over this last week to pull this episode together, but I don't want to waste air time reading source information at every point because, well, it's kind of boring and it just takes up a lot of time. If you are interested, just know that it's in the show notes for you to dive deeper if you want to. Okay, so today I'm gonna show some, it's kind of mind blowing science that I found about how the brain really ages and what keeps your brain sharp and awake, and how you can work with your changing brain instead of against it. And here's a little spoiler, your dreams, they're actually part of the answer, so keep listening because. We're gonna talk about how your brain actually ages, and here is what I found. Your brain doesn't age because of time. It ages from repetition. Let me say that again. Your brain doesn't age because of time or how old you are, how much time has passed it ages. From repetition. So the more predictable your days become, the faster your neurons. They, they quiet down, they kind of stop. And this slowdown, there's a term for it. It's called neural habitation, and it's when your brain stops responding to familiar input. You know that little cozy routine that you built? Yeah. It makes you feel really good. Well, your brain interprets that as there's no need to stay alert and then guess what else happens around the same time. For a lot of us, hormones drop estrogen, progesterone, even testosterone. They're all shifting in midlife. And like we talked about last week, estrogen plays a huge role in dopamine regulation. Dopamine supports motivation, focus, and that sense of forward momentum. So now your brain is being hit from both sides. You know, that chemical shift from the hormone loss and then this thing that's happening in our environment when we reach a certain season of life where we kind of get into. Really craving that sameness and that routine and this combination is why so many women in their forties and fifties start to feel mentally flat or scattered or just stuck. Or even if they've never had a DHD or, or even if they've already been diagnosed with A DHD, but now they feel like they're tools, they're not working anymore. If your brain is feeling slower lately. Or you're just feeling off. It's not just you. It's your brain responding to what it's been given. Hormone shifts, repetition, and a life that may feel a little too predictable. So there is good news. Our brains, they're wired to change if we give them the right inputs. We can change our brains if we give our brains the right inputs. Isn't that great? We're gonna talk about four ways that you can wake up your brain again. And the first one is surprisingly simple. It's novelty. Let's talk about how to use it in ways that are doable and grounded in real neuroscience and real life. Novelty is neuroscience. Novelty isn't just self-help. It's brain science. Your brain is wired to come alive when something new happens. That's because novelty, it triggers dopamine. The same neurochemical we talked about last week, that supports motivation, focus, and memory. And here's what's really cool, novelty. It doesn't have to be extreme to be effective. Like you don't need to move across the world or reinvent your life just doing something different. That's enough to spark some change. But I wanna pause here and just say this really, really clearly. We also need routine. We need the familiar, we need that comfort. If every single day were a big surprise party, your nervous system, we would be fried. The brain craves safety. It craves patterns and rhythms and predictability And I get this in, in my own life at the end of a long day when my brain is fried and I feel like I've used up every ounce of decision making energy, guess what I want? I want friends. Not new friends. The friends, you know, Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey and Ross. You know the ones and yeah. I'm like so many people out there. I've seen every episode like a thousand times. I can quote entire scenes. I know exactly what's going to happen, but that's why it works. I like knowing what to expect. It's comforting. It's low stakes and it lets my brain rest and you know what else, when I do branch out and watch something new and I like it. Yeah. You know what I do next? Yeah, I start back at episode one and go through the whole series again because I crave the knowing. I get it. I live it. We all do. But here's what I've realized. I suffer from routine itis because even though that sameness brings me comfort, if that's all I give my brain, it kinda starts to just coast and it doesn't make any new connections. And it's not staying flexible and it just gets really quiet. Yeah, routine itis, and that's where we start feeling really dull or foggy or unmotivated and not because anything is wrong with us, but because our brain hasn't been challenged in a while. Let's see. Think of your brain like a series of paths, like when you hike the same familiar loop over and over again, that path becomes deeply worn in, right? That's your routine. And it's useful. It's, it's efficient. It can walk that path with your eyes closed. I. But if you never step off that path, if you never explore a new one, the rest of the paths, they get overgrown and they are no longer an easy path to travel. And your brain stops practicing flexibility. But the second you try something new, even something small, it's kinda like whacking all of the brush out of the way that's in front of you on this old unused path in saying, Hmm, let's see where this goes now. And that's when the brain wakes up. okay, so far we've talked about how important it is to step off the well worn paths in your brain and invite in something new, even in small doses. But what I want you to hear is that novelty, it doesn't just come from what you do sometimes. It comes from who you're with because yes, your routines can get stale, but so can your relationships. So can like your whole social world, especially if it shrank during the last few years. And you know what? For many of us it did, COVID changed so much about how we connect and how we don't, and that's what we're gonna talk about next. Because connection is actually fuel for the brain. Let's talk about something that has changed for so many of us since 2020, and we don't always realize how deeply it's impacted our brains. It's isolation. When the world shut down during COVID, we lost more than just routines. We lost connection. We stopped running into people. We stopped chatting in the hallway. We stopped sharing actual physical space. And even though life has reopened, a lot of us never fully went back, many of us are still working remotely, and some of us really, we like that quiet. And if you're an introvert like I am, it probably felt like a relief at first. But here's the thing, our brains weren't built to connect through screens alone. We're actually wired for real presence, to share physical space with others. There's something different about knowing you'll see someone in the elevator or the coffee shop or before a meeting without planning for it. That kind of casual connection is incredibly regulating for the nervous system, and we lost a lot of that. Yeah, remote work may be here to stay, but we need to find new ways to be around people, even if we don't always feel like engaging. And for introverts, this part is really tricky. It's not that we don't want connection, we just get overstimulated faster and we all have a social battery. And when it's drained, we need to recharge. That's valid. But here's what I've learned both in my own life and from coaching others, is you have to plug back in eventually. You have to get back out there. When we moved to Tennessee, I made a decision that I wanted to meet new people. So I started going to Pier Bar, and over time I made new friends. It didn't happen instantly. I mean, I was still very lonely a lot of times when I walked in the door, but I've been going and I have made new friends and what has surprised me is how much I've grown from that. And some of these women are a decade older than me. Some are a decade younger than me, and I love that. I love how as adults, our friendships don't have to be confined to our age group. Like we can learn so much from people who see the world through a different lens. And that kind of connection across ages and stages and experiences, that creates real novelty and it stretches your perspective. It refreshes the neuro pathways in your brain. And I've seen this in action in really one of the most beautiful ways. And it's through my mom. She's 88 years old. She. She lives on her own. She still drives, she still cooks for herself. She manages her health. She, she is amazing. She goes to Zumba and you know what? She doesn't just go to class and leave. She's socially connected there. And her Zumba friends, yeah, they're young. They're in their seventies. They are her people. They go out for coffee, they grab dinner together, they go to concerts. It's beautiful, and honestly, I believe those friendships are the reasons she's still thriving because connection, it isn't just emotional, it's neurological. It keeps the parts of your brain tied to memory and attention and emotional regulation, active isolation. On the other hand, it quietly shrinks all those networks. So if you've been feeling more foggy, flat or disconnected lately, it might not just be the hormones and it might not be aging, it might be loneliness, and the fix isn't a giant social overhaul. It could be as simple as joining a new class, reaching out to someone you like, or just spending time in some shared space again. Okay, maybe you're listening to this and you're thinking, okay, I get it. I need more novelty and I need more connection. But where do I even start? Because let's be honest, when your brain feels foggy and your energy is really low, the idea of doing more, uh, it can be really overwhelming. So this isn't about doing more, it's about doing something different. It's about doing something small, something gentle, something that shifts the pattern. Just enough for your brain to say, oh, okay, it's time to wake up. Let me walk you through a few core practices that help. Now, these aren't real like flashy or anything, and they're not life hacks, but they're the things that I come back to again and again, especially when I feel like my brain has really gone quiet. Here's what helps, especially when you're trying to work with your new brain in this changing season of life, and these aren't just wellness habits, they're tools to help you stay connected to your dreams, whatever those look like right now. So the first thing is movement. I am not talking about movement for weight loss or achieving something. I'm talking about movement for your cognition. Moving your body increases blood flow to your hippocampus. That area of the brain that's tied to memory learning and emotional regulation. You don't need to run a marathon, just move. Because movement, it creates momentum and momentum. It fuels your dreams. So let's say your dream is to write that book, or finally start that creative project on days when your brain feels slower, cluttered movement can shift that fog, it can help you take that first step, even if it's just outlining one idea or writing one sentence. And it doesn't matter what kind of movement it is. Just that you move toward yourself. That's why I go to Pure Bar classes. It's not about crushing a workout, it's about shifting my energy. Because there's a lot of days that I walk into that studio and I'm tired and I'm distracted, and you know what? 50 minutes later I walk out and I feel completely different mentally. So I trust it now. I trust movement and even when I don't feel like going. I know I'm gonna feel more like myself afterward, so I go, that's my motivation. So remember, it doesn't have to be a class, it can be a walk. Take a dance break or stretch on your bedroom floor. Anything that tells your brain, Hey, we're still alive in here. Okay? The second thing that you can do is rest. Rest is not a luxury. Everything that you give your brain during the day, all that novelty, connection and stimulation, it actually gets cemented during sleep. So if you're not sleeping well, your brain can't hold onto all those gains that you've made. And I know how hard this part is, especially in midlife hormone changes, mess with sleep. I get it. But the quality of your rest, it doesn't just come from how early you go to bed. It's impacted by how you live during the day. So move your body. Yeah, moving your body, you actually sleep better when you move. Limit the false dopamine. We went through these in episode 49, the false dopamine. So check those out. Um, you know, it's some of the obvious things like stop scrolling on your phone, stop binge watching that kind of a thing. Um, create space to wind down instead of hitting the pillow thoroughly exhausted Rest is the recovery that your dreams require. Your brain can't consolidate all that novelty and challenge if it doesn't get a break. It needs the quiet to do that deep work. So let's say your dream is to transition careers or that you wanna go back to school, or maybe you wanna launch something on your own. And you know what you need for that? You need energy. You need brain power, and one of the best things you can do for your dreams is to protect your sleep, even if it's one small shift, like set a wind down time or turn off your screens an hour earlier. Let your rest be an act of commitment, not like falling over after going too hard all day. Okay, we are now on number three. The third way that you can really work with your new brain is to challenge it. Yeah. And this is where your dreams stretch. Not not through like a lot of pressure, but through practice. So when you challenge your brain, even in small ways, you build new connections. You sharpen your problem solving and you prove to yourself that learning is still available to you. Maybe your dream is to switch paths entirely or to finally learn a skill that's always scared you a little like photography or coding or painting, or public speaking or investing or building a business. Oh my gosh, there's so many things, but you don't have to master the skill overnight. You just have to challenge your brain. With something new and just try it. Maybe that looks like 10 pages of a hard book. Maybe it's signing up for that workshop that you've been looking at every little challenge. It reminds your brain, Hey, we're still growing. We're still living, and I want you to think of challenge, not as pushing or forcing, but more as creating a spark, right? Learning something new, reading something outside your comfort zone, trying a new recipe. Without a recipe. How's that? These don't have to be big leaps. They're just ways to activate the parts of your brain that are waiting to be lit up. A few months ago, I realized I hadn't read a nonfiction book in a while. Like really Reddit not skimmed it or fell asleep when I tried reading it. So I picked one up and I told myself just 10 pages a day. And it was really wild how quickly my brain started feeling sharper and more engaged. So just remember sometimes the smallest challenge, the ones that no one, no one sees, only you. It's fine. Nobody else needs to know about it. Sometimes those are the ones that are the most powerful. Okay, the fourth thing that you can do for your brain in this season of life, um, and this one is underrated, is curiosity. Yeah. Get curious. And oftentimes we think curiosity is a mood that we have to wait for, but actually it's a skill that we can rebuild. When we were kids, we were curious about everything. And sometimes that fades as we get older. So curiosity, it says, what if this felt different? Hmm. It says, I wonder what would happen if I tried. Hmm. What is that? So curiosity, it's the gateway drug for dreaming. Again, like if you don't have curiosity, how can you dream? Curiosity, it's what happens right before inspiration. It's the question that your dream is always asking, what else is possible? Maybe you just wanna feel more like yourself again, maybe you wanna feel more creative, maybe you wanna be more engaged. Maybe you wanna be more energized. And that begins with curiosity. What if you didn't assume how the day would go? What if you asked your brain to pay attention to something new, a conversation or a piece of music, or a story that you never considered? That's how you create space for your next dream to emerge. And one thing I've started doing is noticing my inner dialogue when I raise this new things. Like if someone recommends a show and I instantly think, eh, I probably won't like it, I pause and I ask myself, is that true or is that my brain avoiding the unfamiliar nine times outta 10? It's the latter. So then I say yes, and I try it. And you know what? Sometimes I end up loving it and sometimes I don't. But either way, I got off the beaten path and I took the fork in the road. Okay, so as we wrap up today, let's take a deep breath because I know we've covered a lot and maybe your brain is already jumping to, okay, but how do I actually do this? So let's slow it down for just a second and let's just pull the thread through here. Because here's what I'm hoping you're walking away with. Your brain isn't aging because of time. It's aging, because of repetition and novelty and connection aren't just nice to have. They're necessary for keeping your mind alert, your memory sharp, and you're motivation alive. So you, you don't need to do everything. You just need to do something different. At the end of my coaching calls with my clients, we always talk about what are your takeaways and your action items, and that's what I'm gonna do with you here today is what are you taking away with you Today we talked about four ways that you can start working with your new brain in this season of life. The first one was novelty. The second was creating connections. The third one was to challenge yourself, and the fourth one is to be curious. So out of all of those, what's speaking to you right now? Where do you want to try something today? As soon as you're done listening to this, what do you wanna do? Because you just need to do something different. That's it. One small intentional shift can be enough to wake up a new neural pathway, and that is the point of this. And the science behind all of this is real, and it's fascinating. I remember when I first became an A DHD coach, I was fascinated with the brain and I still am, and I read everything I could about it and I was like. Holy cow. This is like a frontier that like we need to start exploring a lot more. And every study that I referenced today, it is linked in the show notes. If you want to explore more, be curious, go explore more. And I always want you to know that the advice I share here is grounded, not just in personal experience but in real research from neuroscience and mental health. So now let me ask you, what's your next step? Are you going to reach out to someone new or reconnect with somebody that you miss? Are you gonna walk a different path, literally or metaphorically? Are you gonna read something that stretches you even just a little? Are you gonna move your body, not to fix your body, but to feed your brain, Where's your opportunity this week? To create connection, to challenge your patterns or to choose curiosity over comfort. You just need to make one promise to your new brain and then keep it, because when you do that, you start to build trust with yourself again. And that, my friend, that is how momentum begins. So thank you so much for being here with me today. I love these conversations with you, and if something in this episode spoke to you, text me. I always love hearing from you or share it with a friend who might need to hear this too. And just remember your dreams. They haven't left you. Your dreams are the key to giving your brain the novelty, the movement, the connection, and the curiosity that it needs most. So until next time, just be gentle with yourself and give your brain something worth remembering. Thank you so much for joining me today, and I can't wait to welcome you into our next conversation. Bye for now.

Carlene 28:07

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.