#58: My Top 3 Book Recs to Make Space for What You Really Want Next Year

Have you ever read a book and thought, “This was written for me”?
You see yourself in every story, raising your hand and saying, “Yes, that’s me.”

There’s nothing like picking up the right book at the right time — the kind that sticks.

In this episode, I’m sharing my top 3 book recommendations from the past year.
One changed how I measure progress.
Another taught me to say yes, even when I doubted myself.
And the last gave me the tools to let go of what I can’t control.

These aren’t just “good reads.” They’re page-turners with impact — not the boring self-help books. But self-help wrapped in funny, inspirational, relatable stories. 

These stories met me where I was. And they might meet you there too.

Isn’t it worth clearing some mental clutter… so you can make space for what really matters?

Now’s the perfect time to dive into one (or all three!) of these books — your next year will thank you.

3 KEY TAKE AWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE: 

1️⃣ Celebrating your progress instead of punishing yourself is where momentum lives 

2️⃣ Say “No” nothing changes - but a “Yes” changes everything 

3️⃣ It's possible to release what you can’t control — and focus on yourself instead

So give yourself a break, curl up with your favorite warm beverage and one of these books.

RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

The Gap and The Gain - Dan Sullivan with Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Year Of Yes - Shonda Rhimes

The Let Them Theory - Mel Robbins

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Transcript

Speaker 3: 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:22

Well, hello, welcome back to The Distracted Dreamer. I am your host Carlene, and I am so happy that you have made the time today to be here. I know it's a very busy season for everybody. Today I wanna do another kind of fun episode, around one of the questions that I get asked all the time And it's, what books do you recommend and Well, I love to read, so I'm your person. I get the reason why people ask these questions because, you know, having the right book at the right time, like it really sticks and it can really open up something for you. Maybe it's something that meets you exactly where you are right now, and maybe it gives you a little nudge forward, who knows? Or maybe it just entertains you. I thought. Why not do an episode on it? So I went through my whole bookshelf and my Kindle library and I started thinking about the books that really made an impact on me this past year. And while I could say they changed my life, which I know that sounds a little dramatic, but it's also kind of true because these three books, they shifted how I think and how I show up, and they gave me language for things. That I was feeling and some tools to get unstuck. And more than anything, it gave me a new way of moving through the world. So in this episode, I'm walking you through each one. It's three books. What each of them is about, why it mattered to me, and how I've been applying it in real life. My hope is that when you read them or maybe reread them, you'll feel something similar. Maybe you'll have a little perspective shift or experience a little healing, or maybe you'll say a little yes to something new. Okay, I wanna start off with a book that genuinely changed the way I think about progress, about goals, about this podcast, and honestly about my own happiness, and it's called The Gap in the Gain. It's by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy, and it introduces this deceptively simple. Life altering concept is we're always measuring, right? We can't help it, but the real question is what are we measuring against? Are we comparing ourselves to where we want to be? That future version of success we haven't hit yet, that's the gap. Or are we measuring against where we started? The distance that we've already traveled, that's the gain, thus the name of the book, the Gap and the Gain. And let me tell you, I spent a lot of time this year in the Gap, and when I first launched this podcast, I was pacing myself well, my expectations, they were grounded, and I wasn't chasing numbers or obsessing over downloads. I was just really proud to be creating something meaningful. But somewhere along the way, the goals that I'd set started feeling more like measurements of things that I was lacking. Like why don't more people text me back after an episode? Or why aren't the free offers getting more clicks? Or why isn't this growing faster? And the problem was I had started comparing myself to an ideal, all the successful podcasts with big followings and booming engagement instead of measuring my growth against where I began. And that's when this book found me. One of the core takeaways from the gap in the gain is this, is that happiness. It doesn't come from achieving the ideal thing. It comes from appreciating how far you've come. So I started doing that. I started asking, how far have I come? And wow, that answer. It changed everything. You know what? A year ago I didn't have a podcast. I had an idea and a microphone and a lot of anxiety. And you know what? Today, this is episode 58. I mean, I've released almost 60 episodes. I have listeners tuning in from 26 countries in 326 cities. I've had real conversations with real people who said that episode, that was exactly what I needed to hear. You see, that's the gain, and I'll be honest. I'm still dreaming of more downloads and more engagement and more texts from listeners and more connection, but I hold those future goals a little differently now, not as proof that I'm finally enough, but as part of the journey that like I've already started. And one of the exercises that this book offers is this idea of measuring backward. Instead of always looking at how far you still have to go look back and see how far you've already come. It's a mindset shift and it really is liberating. And another thing the book really emphasizes is the power of small wins. Even something like one kind message from a listener, that becomes part of the gain. And when I pause to reflect on those moments, I feel more grounded and honestly a little more joyful about the podcast because when I'm living in the gain. I like who I am. I trust my progress. I can see it and I realize, you know what? This is working. It doesn't mean that I'm done growing, it just means I can stop punishing myself for not being further ahead. Have you ever done that where you're punishing yourself for not being further ahead on whatever the thing is that you're focusing on the truth is, the gap is a painful place to live. It makes everything feel just out of reach. But the gain, the gain is where you breathe. It's where you notice your own growth. It's where happiness actually lives. If you're feeling stuck or like you're never quite there. If you're constantly measuring yourself against some future version of success and why it never feels like enough, get this book, really the gap in the gain. It completely changed how I showed up this past year, not just in my work, but in my mindset, in how I measure progress and how I treat myself. And I really believe that it can do the same for you. All right, so the gap in the gain, that was mindset. But this next book, this one is about momentum because sometimes you just need to say yes. Let's talk about the year of Yes. By Shonda Rhimes. Now, I know if you're not a big self-help book fan, you might be thinking, oh no, another self-help book, but Hear Me Out. The year of Yes, by Shonda Rhimes is not your typical advice book. It's self-help wrapped in entertaining, relatable, funny, and deeply human stories. It's the kind of book where you find yourself going, oh my gosh, me too, and Shonda just does it all so beautifully. When the original edition came out 10 years ago. I snatched that up so fast. I was like, oh my gosh, I have to read this because I love Shonda Rhimes. And I remember thinking, wait, I thought we were supposed to be learning how to say no. You know, like boundaries, burnout overcommitment wasn't no. The thing we were all working on, and I think we're still working on that, right? But what I love about the year of Yes, is that it challenges that default. It's not about saying yes to everything. It's about saying yes to yourself. It's about saying yes to what scares you, to what stretches you, and to what might just change you. And never discount the power of your words because shonda's year of Yes. It actually all started with a casual comment from her sister that led Shonda to recognize how often she habitually said no, especially to things that scared her and that led her to ultimately commit to saying yes for a year. Shonda starts with this really simple, the powerful idea, and that is what would happen if she just started saying yes without overthinking, without spiraling into what ifs, without talking herself out of things before she even tried. And what I found so honest in her story is this, yes, is easy to decide. Yes, is an easy decision. You say yes. The hard part is doing it. It's showing up, it's following through. It's facing that discomfort. But you know what? Shonda, she doesn't sugarcoat it. She shows you the messy parts and all the growth that follows, and here's what stuck with me the most. Even after that one year ended, the ripple effects of those yeses kept going. It changed how she moved through the world. How she took up space, how she claimed opportunities, and how she trusted herself, like in ways that she never had before. So if you're gonna read this book, I recommend getting the new 10th anniversary edition that adds more depth, and I think it's seven new transformational chapters. Seven new chapters. Holy cow. She's done a lot of living since she wrote the first book 10 years ago, and it shows how the lessons from her year of yes continued to play out years later for her now, I didn't commit to a full year of saying yes like she did, but I absolutely took this mindset with me. That created momentum for me when I needed it, and it was very helpful, especially in moments of uncertainty or self-doubt. When I'm hesitating about something in my business or when I feel nervous to travel somewhere new or when an opportunity to speak or collaborate pops up, and I instantly think, who am I to do that? That's when I pause and I say, yes, because you know what? Nothing happens when you say no, no. Keeps you where you are. Yes, moves you forward even if you don't know what's on the other side. And what I've learned and what this book reminded me is that that little flicker of doubt. That's not a stop sign. That's a signal that something matters, that something's at stake, and those are the moments where the yes counts the most. So if you've been hovering at the edge of something new, like a decision, a big change in your life, a once in a lifetime chance, and you're not sure if you are ready, this is your invitation. Say yes, see what happens. If you are in a season of second guessing yourself, if you're craving a little more boldness or you want a little more adventure, or maybe you just need the courage to take that next step, get this book. Because the year of Yes, reminded me that saying yes doesn't have to mean doing everything. It just means. Not letting fear decide for you. So saying yes right away without overthinking it, without doing all those things that we do, it doesn't give fear a chance to vote. Fear doesn't get a vote. Just say yes. And this changed how I face all that uncertainty and how I spot those tiny moments where the doubt is showing up and I say yes anyways, and it might just do the same for you. Okay, that was book number two. Now for the last book, this is a totally different kind of mindset shift. It's more about letting go than stepping in. So yeah, we're gonna talk about the Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. Now I feel like everyone has already read this. But I realized that wasn't true when I mentioned it to a friend and she was like, oh yeah, I've got it sitting on my shelf and I haven't gotten to it yet. So if that's you, I want you to know that this book showed me how to let go of things that I have no control over and focus on the one thing I can control, and that's. Mel and her daughter Sawyer, I think that's so cool that they wrote this book together. They write it in a way that feels so real and it's very accessible. It's like you're sitting across from them at the kitchen table and they share the kinds of stories that make you go, oh wow, that's me. And the let them theory. Is a deceptively simple practice. When you find yourself trying to control or fix others' behavior, you instead say let them, and then you follow it with, let me shifting the attention back to what you can control. Let them, it frees your focus, let them, that phrase, it helps you release energy spent trying to manage others' opinions or their reactions and their choices, because none of that is actually within your control. The, let me part of it, it reclaims your agency. So after letting go of the control, you turn the focus inward. To your decisions, to your boundaries, to your emotions, and you make intentional actions. This isn't about being passive, this isn't about ignoring people or situations. It's letting them be who they are while paying attention to your own growth and your own peace. And you know what? You can use this everywhere. The Let Them Theory, it applies to relationships. Work, social media comparisons and just everyday interactions wherever you catch yourself trying to control outcomes. And you know what? The simplicity of this, it actually removes the pressure to micromanage others and it encourages an emotional, calm, and it gives you clarity. It ultimately reduces stress. And what this book helped me see is just how much invisible stress I was carrying stress about what other people were doing or not doing. Overthinking, getting hurt when people I loved didn't show up for me the way I needed them to. It wasn't just reading the book that changed me, it was doing the work. Healing the places in me that kept clinging and expecting and just hoping those places that wanted to control the outcome so that I didn't have to feel the let down. Let's talk about parenting for a second. We want the best for our kids. Absolutely. We wanna protect them. We wanna guide them and we wanna make sure that they don't stumble. But you know, a lot of that it's actually controlled, dressed up as love. And then one day your kids are grown, and if you don't learn to let go, you will drive yourself nuts and your grown kids. And what this book gave me maybe more than anything else, was permission to say, let them let my daughters live their lives. Let them make mistakes. Let them learn, let them grow. But then there's the second piece. And it's just as important. It's let me, let me be here when they wanna talk. Let me trust that I raise them to be independent and capable. Let me witness the amazing, complicated, beautiful humans that they're becoming without trying to fix anything in that changed everything. I sleep better. I don't spiral. I trust them and myself more than ever. Okay, here's another example. The other thing that Mel does so well in this book is normalize the ebbs and flows in the seasons of friendship. First of all, let's just agree it's hard to make new friends as an adult. And because of that, we really wanna hold on to the ones that we already have. But life happens, and sometimes we simply outgrow friendships. It's not always dramatic. I mean, oftentimes it's because one or more of the five shifts that Mel talks about have taken place, like shifts in proximity, in energy and timing or in roles, and it made me think about. The mom friends that I've had over the years, you know, those friends that you make because you're raising your kids together and you know, my girls are all grown and so a lot of those friendships have, they've faded and it makes sense. We're no longer coordinating car pulls and cheering on the. Sideline during a soccer game together. Our kids have gone their separate ways, and that changed the dynamic. Now, I'm really grateful that I'm still close with three of those moms. Those relationships, they made it through that transition, but the friendships that didn't, I've come to understand that they served a purpose in that season, and that is enough. Because friendships aren't static. They shift, they evolve, and sometimes they fade. And that doesn't mean that they failed or that they were less meaningful. And the Let Them Theory helped me heal through the ending of a friendship that had lasted almost 25 years, more than two decades. At first, I questioned everything. There were no check-ins. When I went through breast cancer treatment messages went unanswered. And every once in a while she'd send a gift or a random card just enough to keep the string tied, but emotionally, she'd already stepped away and I kept thinking, gosh, I must have done something wrong. And then I thought, she just stopped caring. And all those years of being like extended family suddenly meant nothing. Now, I don't know what's true on her side, but after reading the Let Them Theory, I could see clearly that our friendship had gone through all five of the shifts that Mel talks about. And so this started to make sense to me and that part of the book where Mel outlines why friendships sometimes end it, it hit me in the gut. It was like a gut punch, but I needed to hear it. And it made me realize this friendship hits simply run its course. So I let her, I let her pull away, I let her reach out or not. I let me wish her well. I let me hold the memories with love. I let me be open to new friendships and new connections, and I let me stop chasing people who have already chosen to step away. And here's what I want you to understand is I didn't fix the relationship because I can't change what someone else does or doesn't do. But I did heal myself by accepting what is, and I really wanna just say this with love because I know. How hard it is to grieve people who are still here. Yes, I still miss her, but I'm no longer a victim of what happened. And you know what? That's a lot of freedom. If you're carrying stress about what other people are doing, saying, not saying, not showing up for. Please get the Let Them Theory. Don't leave it sitting on your shelf. Crack it open. It's actually a really quick read, but what I encourage you to do is if you really are processing things like I was, as I was reading it. Pause. Pause at the end of every chapter, or as something just kind of hits you and you're like, oh, oh my gosh, this is totally resonating with me. Get out your journal and journal through it. It is going to help you get so much clarity and it's gonna help you release a lot of the pain and the stress that you've been going through with trying to control everything. So there you have it. Whether it was learning to focus on how far I've come or saying yes, when I really wanted to just hide or letting go of what I can't control. Each of these books helped me grow in a way that actually stuck, and that's what I hope for you too. These are not just books to read and forget. They're books that can meet you right where you are. And they can help you take that next step towards your dreams. Whether that dream needs a little bit of courage or a mindset shift, or a whole lot of healing, this is really a great place to start. If one of these books sparks something for you, I'd love to hear about it. Text me and tell me which one you're planning to dive into over the holidays. Better yet, share this episode with a friend who's on their own journey, take some time, maybe over the holidays to read one of these books. I think it's a great way to enter into the new year if you can read all three. But whatever is going on for you, please always take care of you. Let go of what you can't control and take care of what you can. And as always, thank you for being here and for listening, and for showing up for yourself in this season, and I'll see you in the next episode.

Carlene: 23:09

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.