#72: Feeling Lost? How to Recalibrate What You’ve Outgrown

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to keep living a life that no longer fits… just because it once did.

I’m talking about that moment when you realize you don’t want what you used to want—and how unsettling that can feel. But also? How powerful it can be.

In this episode, I’m sharing what it looks like to outgrow parts of your life—and how to recalibrate without burning everything down, including:

• The subtle ways we stay stuck in old patterns—and how to let go of outdated expectations
• How to become an observer of your own life and recognize where you’re still living like your past self
• How to uncover the hidden space and energy you didn’t realize you had

Sometimes, the problem isn’t that you’re lost…

It’s that you’ve changed—you’re evolving, and your life hasn’t caught up yet.

And this next version of your life?

You get to shape it—through small, intentional steps toward a life that actually reflects who you are now.

3 Key Takeaways from this episode:

✨ Feeling “off” is often a signal that something is ready to shift
✨ When you become an observer of your life, you uncover powerful data showing you where to recalibrate
✨ The life you built isn’t wrong… there just might be pieces that don’t fit anymore

DOWNLOAD THE FREE START DREAMING AGAIN GUIDE

Check out all my coaching and course offerings - Coachcarlene.com

MORE FROM ME

Follow me on Instagram:  @coach_carlene

SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW

If you loved this episode, please take a moment to subscribe and leave a review on Apple Podcasts! Your support helps me reach more dreamers who need these insights. 🎙️ Thanks for tuning in to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast! See you next week!

FOLLOW NOW
Also, if you haven't done so already, follow the podcast. I'm adding episodes every week, and if you're not folllowing, there's a good chance you'll miss out. Follow now!

Episode Website 

Transcript

Speaker 3 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

0:22

Well, hello. Hello my friends. Welcome back to the Distracted Dreamer podcast. I'm your host Carlene, and I don't know about you, but I am so excited that Spring has officially arrived. It's been kind of an unpredictable winter for everyone, hasn't it? And I know we're not gonna sit here and talk about the weather, but you wanna know what I've been thinking about lately? I have been thinking about how spring hits and suddenly you wanna like organize your entire life. I'm talking the closets, the drawers that cabinet under the sink. Oh. Can't even go there. I mean, I feel the same way. And in fact, we remodeled our closet. And let me tell you, it was a long time coming. I've been talking about this for two years, and it was an entire carload pulling into the goodwill and it felt so good. And while getting rid of physical clutter is really cleansing, I've realized something else that the real clutter, it's not necessarily in your house, it's in your mind. It's in all the things that you're carrying that. Don't actually belong to you anymore. I'm talking about like old stories about who you're supposed to be by now or all those loops that are replaying of these decisions that you can't go back and change. Or what about that voice telling you it's too late or you're not enough, or other people's expectations. These versions of yourself that you've already outgrown, but for some reason, you keep trying to squeeze back into them, and then you're sitting there thinking, wait, why don't I feel like myself anymore? Or maybe, to be really honest, you might say, I don't even know who I am becoming yet. And if that's you, that's okay. You are just in transition, and I think more of us are here in that transition right now than we realize because, you know, it's, it's weird. Like nothing is necessarily wrong, but something just doesn't feel right anymore. Maybe it's the way you've been living or the way you've been working or the things you used to feel so lit up by like you don't anymore. Something has shifted. And then there might be a quiet panic that creeps in when you realize, I don't want what I used to want. And that messes with your identity, especially if you've built something around it, your life, a career, a reputation, a, a version of yourself, people know you as, and then suddenly that version, it doesn't fit anymore. And it's not because you failed at anything, but it's because you grew and nobody prepares us for that part for the growth, and that's what we're talking about today. So what do you need to bag up and drop off at Goodwill? Not because it's bad, but just because it's not you anymore. Because you have grown, because you're in a different season of life and maybe just, maybe you're still holding onto things thinking, well, I might wear that someday, when in reality it doesn't fit anymore. So why are you hanging onto it? And more importantly, how do you actually let it go? So I wanna tell you a story. One of my clients, we'll call her Janet, she's a photographer. She has been in business for over a decade. She is incredible at what she does. She's booked out in demand and she's deeply passionate about the work that she's created with women. And like this wasn't just a job for her. It was a calling. And now she doesn't wanna do it anymore. And it's not because she's burned out, but because something in her has shifted. And what she wants now is to run a studio. She wants to lead and she wants to create space for other photographers. She wants to operate at a higher level, and she's sitting there thinking, who am I to walk away from something that's working? What if I try this and it doesn't work? And what's even the first step? And underneath all of that, yeah, it's fear. Because when you're good at something, walking away from it can feel like you're losing part of yourself. So I told her that, you know, sometimes a plant outgrows its container. And if you leave the plant in that same pot, it starts to die. Not because it lost its ability to grow. It really wants to, it's trying, but it can't grow because it no longer has the space it needs, and that's you. So you haven't lost your edge, you're not washed up, you're not failing. You've outgrown the container and staying in it, even though it's really familiar and very comfortable. And even though it once fit perfectly, it is what's actually suffocating you. And here's the part that I think is really important. Outgrowing your life doesn't mean burning it all down. It's about calibrating. And one of the women in my dream studio community, she's been an empty nester for a few years. But her mornings, they still look like she has kids at home. She wakes up and just stays in motion. She feeds the cats throws in a load of laundry, puts things away. She stays available just in case her husband needs something. It's not intentional, it's just the rhythm that she never questioned because for years, her mornings were chaos, right? Getting kids out the door. Going to three different carpool lines, running back to the school with whatever someone forgot. And even though that season ended for her, she never redesigned her life for the one she's in now. And when we talked about it, she had this moment of realization like, wait, I actually have time. Time that isn't already spoken for. And what she wanted. Was to use that space for herself. And I was like, yes. And most importantly, if on any day someone questions this new rhythm, you tell them, yes, today I'm putting myself first, if that's okay with you. Right? Because the greatest gift she can give to herself is to take care of herself physically and emotionally, to get into a workout routine, to have a moment that is hers before the day starts. And it's like this hidden pocket of opportunity. It's been there all along. It was just buried under the rhythm of her old life. And I remember thinking, wow, how many of us have that? The time, the energy? The space, but we can't even see it because we're living inside patterns that don't match who we are anymore. So here's the thing, it's really hard to notice these little gems of opportunity when you are in it. When you are just moving through your days on autopilot, doing what you've always done, being who you've always been. You don't question it. But what if you just took a step back? And became an observer of your own life. Not in a critical judgey kind of a way, but just being curious and compassionate like, Hmm, let me just see what's actually happening here. And as you start noticing all of the things, you might also realize there are things that you've been carrying mentally that don't fit anymore either. I'm talking about old expectations, old timelines and deadlines, old versions of you. Because you don't have to take all of that with you into what's next. And honestly, one of the hardest parts of all of this is letting go of the very things that are holding you back from the life you actually want to live. Because you know what? It's so easy to pick them back up again. There's almost this separation anxiety from what's familiar from the stories you've lived inside of the ones you've built your identity around. Even if they don't fit anymore. Think of it like your phone. Remember your first iPhone, the software, it's outdated now. It literally can't support what you need today and there's no way you'd wanna go back and use that version and your old beliefs and stories, they're the same. So if I were you and I was listening to this, I'd probably be thinking, okay. But how do I actually become an observer of my life? That's a great question, and we're gonna talk about that. I'm going to walk you through four simple ways to start tuning into the life that you're living so you can begin shifting into one that actually fits you Now. Are you ready? Okay. The first step is to start noticing your rhythms. So what does your day actually look like right now? Where are you moving out of? Just habit instead of intention? So lemme give you an example. Maybe every morning you automatically reach for your phone and scroll for 20 minutes before you even get out of bed. Or maybe you walk into the kitchen and immediately start cleaning up before you've even had your coffee, because that's just what you do. Or maybe you sit down at your computer and you check email first thing, even though it instantly puts you in a reaction mode. Mm-hmm. Does not feel good. Or you keep saying yes to certain clients or meetings or commitments with family without ever pausing to ask if they still make sense for you. Now I wanna be clear here. None of that is wrong, but it is worth asking do I actually want to keep doing it this way? And that leads us to step number two, which is to pay attention to your energy. Your energy is such an honest indicator, but we override it all the time. So I'm inviting you to start noticing when do you feel the most like yourself. Maybe you feel really clear and creative in the morning, but you've been filling that time with errands and other people's needs, or maybe you always feel drained after certain types of work, like those back-to-back zoom calls or editing something for hours or just constantly being on for other people. Or maybe you notice that after scrolling social media for a while, you don't feel inspired. You feel kind of heavy, distracted, or even behind. But on the flip side, maybe you go for a walk or you move your body, or you sit down to journal and you feel like you can finally hear yourself think again. That's data, that's your life quietly telling you. I need more of this and less of that. So pay attention to your energy. The third thing that you can do is you can look for hidden space. This one is big because most of us feel like we don't have time. That is just something that we hear everybody say, oh my gosh, I have no time. I'm so busy, but. When we really look, there are pockets. There are pockets of time. So for example, that 30 minutes in the morning that currently gets filled with all those random tasks like feeding the cats and switching the laundry and tidying things that could wait, or that hour at night that disappears into TV or scrolling. Or what about the gaps in your workday where you're kind of half working, half distracted, but you're not really using that time intentionally, or even emotional space. It's like the energy you're spending worrying about something that isn't actually yours to carry anymore. So it's, it's not about doing more. It's about seeing what's already there, seeing what you haven't claimed yet. So where are those pockets of time? I guarantee you have them. The fourth thing you can do is ask yourself, what do I want now? And this is where it all comes together because once you see your rhythms. Your energy and your space. You can ask a different question, not what should I be doing, but what do I want now? So maybe you realize, I actually want slow mornings not rushed once. Or maybe you say, I wanna move my body before I give my energy to anyone else. Or maybe you say, I don't wanna take on as many clients. I wanna create something of my own. Or even you might say, I want more quiet, less noise and less pressure. And sometimes the answer is surprisingly simple, but we've just been too busy living in our old patterns to hear it. And again, this isn't about blowing up your life overnight. It's about noticing, it's about choosing and adjusting little by little, because when you start living in alignment with who you are now, not five years ago or 10 years ago. I guarantee things begin to feel a lot lighter and you have a lot more clarity and you feel more like you. And I know that this space can feel very unsteady. Like you're standing in the middle of your life going, oh my gosh, how did I get here? And where am I even going? This is not about burning down the life you built. It's about recalibrating it. This isn't the end of something, it's the beginning of something that's more aligned for you. And you do not need all of the answers right now. You just need to be willing to acknowledge that something has changed. Let's bring this back down to something simple that you can actually take with you if you're in a transition to a new season or have been in a new season for a while and things feel off. Or unclear, or just different. Here's where to start. Start by noticing. Notice your rhythms, notice your energy. Notice where you might have space that you haven't claimed yet, and then ask yourself, what do I actually want now? Not what made sense before, not what you should want, but what feels aligned with who you are today. So maybe just start there, just one small shift, maybe one reclaimed pocket of time, or maybe one thing that you decide you're no longer carrying with you. That's how this begins. And if something came up for you while you were listening to this, a thought, a belief, a version of yourself that you're ready to release, I'd love to hear it. You can send me a text at the link in the show notes. I read those, and it always means so much to hear. What's landing for you. And if this episode resonated with you, if it made you feel a little more seen or gave you something to think about, I'd be so grateful if you took a quick second to rate and review the podcast. It helps more people find the show and it helps me keep creating episodes like this for you. I'll write my friend. I will see you right back here next week. Bye for now.

Carlene 17:58

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.