#80: Stop Pushing, Start Creating: How Rest Unlocks Your Most Creative Ideas

What if the reason you're stuck has nothing to do with motivation — and everything to do with how your brain is actually designed to create?

In this episode, we're getting into the neuroscience of creativity — and why your best ideas almost never show up when you're trying to find them. I'm talking about the Default Mode Network, the incubation effect, and what researchers call the Shower Effect. And I'm sharing the personal story that made all of it click for me in a very unexpected place.

This episode is equal parts science and story — and by the end, you'll have a whole new relationship with rest, creativity, and what becomes possible when you finally stop forcing it.

3 KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS EPISODE:

1️⃣ Forcing creativity is often what blocks it. When you stop pushing and create space, your brain finally gets to do what it was designed to do — and that's when the ideas come.

2️⃣ Rest is not the opposite of productivity. It's the condition for it. Science backs this up — and after this episode, you'll never feel guilty about the walk, the pause, or the quiet moment again.

3️⃣ Your next dream isn't hiding from you. It's waiting for you to get quiet enough to hear it. This episode is permission to stop thinking so hard — and start listening instead.

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Transcript

Speaker 3 0:01

You're never too busy, too tired, too old, or too anything to pursue your dreams. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer Podcast, where you'll learn how to move all those never ending distractions aside and chase your dreams with confidence.

Speaker 0:21

Hey, it's your friend and host, Carlene. Welcome to the Distracted Dreamer podcast. I was inspired to record this episode when I was away on vacation with my husband recently, because while we were away, I discovered that creativity opens up when you least expect it. And I think a lot of us have figured that out the hard way, because we've spent years trying to force it. Sitting down at the desk and opening the laptop and staring at a blank document thinking, "Okay, brain, let's go." And nothing. Just, you know, the hum of the refrigerator and the weight of your own expectations. That's all you got. So today, I wanna talk about why that is, and why I want to tell you about our trip to Maui. So last month, my husband and I, we went to Maui. Paradise. Sunny, 85 degrees. Perfect level of breeze. The bluest water you've ever seen. And now, for the guy who 20 years ago had a hard time relaxing, my husband has somehow found the joy of reading. And one day when we were sitting pool/ocean side... Yes, it was both. The pool was behind us, and the ocean's beautiful crashing waves were right in front of us. Isn't that great? Like, there was no deciding pool or beach. It was just, we had it all. It was amazing. And anyways, while he was sitting there reading one day, for like 12 hours, I kid you not, I was the one getting antsy. And I said, "Come on, put the book down. I wanna go for a walk on the beach." So finally, after finishing the chapter, he succumbed, and we went on the walk. And the sound of the waves coming in and out and crashing on the sand, oh my God. That just calms me to a point where, like, I can't even form full sentences, because it's like I'm part of that rhythm of nature, and I never experience that at home. And you know what else I rarely experience at home? Is my brain finally at rest. It's like the wheels aren't turning. It's quiet in my head. I'm not having all those worry thoughts or overthinking anything. I was just being. Like, being in paradise. And then it happened. I started getting all these ideas, like about my coaching programs, and about what I wanna put out into the world for women like me. Things I had been circling for months, and maybe even longer, they suddenly had shape, and there was this clarity where there had been complete fog. And thank goodness I brought my laptop, because I ran up to the room to get it, because I know how my midlife brain works. If I don't get this all down right now, it will be lost forever. So I sat poolside in that warm ocean breeze, and started creating and asking smart questions about what's next for me. And I thought, "Why now? Why here? Why does this happen when I finally stop trying?" Turns out, science has an answer for that. So your brain has what researchers call the default mode network. I've talked about this on several episodes, and it sounds very clinical, I know, but bear with me. Basically, it's the part of your brain that lights up when you stop focusing on something specific, when you're not checking your emails, or solving problems, or running through tomorrow's to-do list. And according to Psychology Today, this network is most active when you're daydreaming, thinking about the future, or just, as I was doing, just being. And here's what they found: unfettered daydreaming is one of the most direct pathways to creativity. And researchers at the University of Virginia gave a name to what happened when I took that walk on the beach. They call it the shower effect. You know that feeling when your best ideas show up in the shower at 7:00 AM when you're not thinking about anything in particular? Same thing. Cognitive scientist Zachary Irving, he found that when your mind wanders during a moderately engaging activity, a walk, washing dishes, or, yes, a shower, That's when your brain starts making unexpected connections and generating new ideas. Pretty cool. They also have another name for something that's happening. They call it the incubation effect, and the idea is that when you step away from a problem, your subconscious keeps working on it quietly in the background, and when you finally let your mind wander, those ideas surface. You didn't stop thinking. You just got out of your own way long enough to hear it. And I always think back to when I would be helping my daughter with homework, and she'd be stuck on a math problem or something, and I would always tell her, "Get up, walk away from it, and come back." And sure enough, having those- Fresh eyes on it, having something click in the brain while she had stepped away from it, the solution was right there, and that's what the incubation effect is all about. And I got more. Here's the piece that really got me. Research from psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman found that the less anxious intense you are, the more likely you are to access creative ideas. So my friend, relaxation, it is not a luxury. It's actually a biological condition for creativity. So when you're white-knuckling a decision or when you're pushing and pushing to figure out what's next, you're literally working against the way your brain is designed to create. And I think when we push to figure things out is exactly when we get stuck. There's so much resistance in that push, the urgency to hurry, to decide, to know. Instead of letting ideas come to us organically and not judging them when they do, just noticing them, getting curious, saying, "Oh, that's really interesting." Because here's what I know about us, about us women in midlife especially. We are overthinkers, beautifully, exhaustingly, capable overthinkers. We've been in our heads for decades, running the house, the career, the relationships, the everything. And we forget that our best thinking often doesn't happen in our head. It happens when we finally give our head a rest. Now, you don't have to go to Maui, though I will absolutely not talk you out of it. You just have to find your version of the waves, your version of the walk on the beach. The thing that puts your brain in that quiet, open, slightly aimless state where ideas can float up and find you. Doesn't that sound wonderful? And I want to talk about those of you with ADHD, because you guys are near and dear to my heart. I've spent many, many years with you. And I just want to stay here for a minute, because I've had the privilege of sitting across from a lot of you in coaching. And what I hear and what I see is that your brain is always making connections, fast ones, unexpected ones, ideas firing from every direction at once. That is creativity. That is the actual scientific definition of what a creative brain does, making associations that other brains don't make as quickly or as freely. And I want you to really let that land because I know it doesn't always feel like a gift. I know it can feel like chaos. Like you sat down to write one thing, and now you have 17 browser tabs open, and somehow you've completely forgotten what you started. I see that, and I am not dismissing it. But here's what I want you to hear. You don't have to manufacture the creative state that the rest of us are chasing. You're already there. The work for you might look a little different. It might be about learning to land long enough to capture what's coming through, like find a way to capture everything, rather than trying to get it flowing in the first place. So just capture it. And the women that I've coached with ADHD are... You guys are some of the most creatively alive humans I've ever sat across from, and your ideas aren't the problem. It's the noise around the ideas. So when you can find your version of the walk on the beach, the thing that settles just enough of the chaos without shutting it all down, that's where your magic is. And no, you don't need to travel 14 hours to get there, although some of you have told me that paradise would really help with the overwhelm. And honestly, I hear that. Everything has its good points, right? So what the heck does all of this have to do with your dreams? Well, everything. Because so many of us are trying to think our way into our next chapter. We sit down, and we try to figure it out. "Oh, who do I wanna be? What do I want to do? What's my purpose in this season?" And when nothing comes, we decide we must not have the answers. But I don't think that's true for a minute. I don't just think. I know the answers are already in you, the same way my ideas were already in me on that beach. They just needed me to stop crowding them out with all the noise. So your next dream, it isn't hiding from you. It's waiting for you to get quiet enough to hear it. So here's what I wanna leave you with today. If you've been waiting for clarity or waiting for the right idea or waiting to know what's next, stop waiting at your desk. Take the walk. Sit by the water if you can find some. Do the thing that asks just enough of your brain to keep it moving but not enough to keep it straining. And when the idea shows up, and it will- Write it down. Do what I did. Find a way to capture it. Don't trust your midlife brain to hold it for later. Trust me on this one. And if this resonated with you today, share it with a woman in your life who's in the in-between. And if you're ready to get some support figuring out what's next for you, text me at the link in the show notes and let me know that you wanna have a chat, because we will find a time for us to chat about how coaching can be the thing to figure out your next step. I'd really love to have you. And until next time, take a deep breath, and let yourself be a little unproductive, and go outside, take that walk, find the thing that calms you, and let your brain rest, and I promise you, all the creativity is going to bubble up. I know that your best ideas are just around the corner. Thank you so much for being here today. I appreciate the time that you spend with me, and I will be here next week to welcome you into our next episode. Bye for now.

Carlene 12:02

Oh, and one more thing. This is the legal language. You know, the stuff that the lawyers put together, and they say that I need to read this to you. So here we go. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend. I'm not a licensed therapist. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professionals. Got it? Good. I will see you in the next episode.