EP: 11 - Unmasking Change: How Roya Mattis Rebuilt Her Life

On this episode of The Unmasking Effect Podcast, we’re joined by the incredible Roya Mattis, a woman who turned heartbreak and upheaval into a powerful story of reinvention. In “From Ashes to Authenticity,” Roya opens up about the end of her marriage, the challenges of parenting through major life changes, and the spiritual awakening that reshaped her path forward.

Her journey is raw, inspiring, and full of wisdom for anyone facing uncertainty. Roya doesn’t just share her story, she equips you with practical tools for resilience, self-discovery, and embracing reinvention with courage and grace.

If you’re navigating a transition, questioning what’s next, or simply craving inspiration to step more fully into your authentic self, this episode is one you won’t want to miss.

Transcript

Welcome back to another episode of The Unmasking Effect Podcast. Today's guest is someone who is unafraid to get real, raw, and vulnerable, sharing her story in a way that will deeply resonate with anyone who has faced life's unexpected challenges. Meet Roya, a remarkable woman who's opened up about the deeply personal experience of the ending of her marriage, the journey of parenting through change, and the profound reinvention of herself that followed. In this episode, Roya shares how she navigated the pain, uncertainty, and transformation with grace and courage, all while embarking on a deep spiritual journey that became her guiding light. What's even more powerful is how Roya turns her experience into lessons we can all learn from. She brings practical, actionable possible takeaways for resilience, reinvention, and finding strength in the face of life's hardest moments. Whether you're walking through a season of change, searching for clarity, or simply looking for inspiration to help you navigate and re-imagine what's possible, this episode is for you. So let's dive in. Please join me in welcoming the incredible Roya to the Unmasking Effect.

[00:01:29.270] - Ike Anderson

I don't know if you remember, but we met many years ago in Hawaii on this relationship the vet that we had.

[00:01:46.160] - Roya Mattis

Oh, my gosh. I knew. I was like, I know him, and I could not place it. Oh, my gosh. It continued.

[00:01:56.360] - Ike Anderson

And during that I remember if I was just to be an outsider looking in, you were new in the environment and you were, I would say, at the height of your professional career or somewhere about there. And I remember meeting your husband as well, or a husband at the time that was at the event as well. And I guess We lost connection, touch throughout the years, and we reconnected maybe about a month or two ago. And the lady I saw back then and the lady I was talking to on that Zoom call we were on, I'm like, who's this version or this person that's here now versus the person I met seven, eight years ago. You could tell the difference. Yeah. So that's what inspired me need to even reach out and ask you to be on the show because the important journey that I've been on in this journey in life is this reinvention of who I am, who I'm being, the realization that we do things because of what society told us we needed to do to a certain extent. That's going to create success and the things. And for me, I did it, had it was it, and something was missing.

[00:03:32.330] - Ike Anderson

And that made me basically have to kick the legs off the underneath the chair and go figure it out and reconstruct everything from the ground up. So as I've done the work myself in all the categories of life, I start to see this pattern in a lot of people who shifted and who's evolved or elevated in their own way, no doubt. So, yeah, that's the impetus for us talking today.

[00:04:04.660] - Roya Mattis

I had no idea.

[00:04:07.320] - Ike Anderson

Yeah.

[00:04:07.700] - Roya Mattis

So giving that framing, I don't know if it's beneficial to the conversation to share what you saw then to now that might prompt some.

[00:04:20.740] - Ike Anderson

Absolutely.

[00:04:21.760] - Roya Mattis

I would be open to you exposing me like that. That's a beautiful thing.

[00:04:28.480] - Roya Mattis

When did you see that?

[00:04:30.290] - Roya Mattis

Did you see now?

[00:04:32.510] - Ike Anderson

Yeah. But as we go into the conversation, Roy, I think it's also important for us to go in and just pull out some of the things, the take the ways, the lessons, the things that were integrated that adjusted who you are. And you are who you are, but who you're being in your current journey. So, yeah, you could go in. Where were you? Where are you now? What's that journey been?

[00:05:07.950] - Roya Mattis

Would you like to answer that question before I go in? What was the question? What have you noticed then versus what you noticed now? What has emitted differently that you picked up on?

[00:05:26.540] - Ike Anderson

I guess without going into very detail or specifics. We could just look at present. There's an unconscious movement we make through life sometimes where we're just moving, but we're not seeing, we're not smelling, we're not tasting, we're not present. And maybe it was just the environment that we were in at that time, which we were all very heightened in the sense of learning and all the amazingness and adventure that was taking place. So But I also saw where the relationship with your husband, you guys were working through some stuff. And sometimes you don't see what's in front, but you can look behind the curtain just from an energetic standpoint, which I really wasn't as tapped into as I am now, but I could feel certain things. So I saw things then, and then the person I saw now seemed much more grounded, much more certain and clearer, but still working.

[00:06:34.060] - Roya Mattis

Still working, for sure. There are catalysts to change, and One of the things on this journey that has been so evident for me to begin to do and continue to do even more is to pay attention to the subtleties. There be invited in change, whereas before it had to become a bolster for me to pay attention. In other words, I found that so many of us, and especially I can speak of myself, that there were a lot of unconscious conditionings that I made agreements to that I I didn't even realize I was making these unconscious, because they were unconscious, that were not in full alignment to me, but I didn't know what it felt like to be any different. I just felt... At first, I began to evolve and feel, Oh, I am feeling in power, and I am in my essence of my leadership, and I love what I'm doing so much. And then there was just this pain, though, this secret and silent suffering, this unexplainable ache that I could not put my finger on that almost felt selfish to have. Because on the outside, there were so many boxes, societal boxes, checked the house, the husband, the children, the career, the reputation in the career, those kinds of things.

[00:08:32.520] - Roya Mattis

And it was like, how dare you? How dare you feel like there's something, there's an egg inside? And when you met me, I was at a big trifecta in my life. This was in 2015. And at that point, I had a run in with the company that I represent. And Everyone has light and dark, and it was a dark moment. And then I was silently suffering in my marriage. And at that point, I was married for 16 years, and I had been asking for counseling for seven years when you met me. And I calculated that my mom was going to pass within five years of that time frame, and I knew I had a heart support that was reaching out. I I got to prepare emotionally for this. And so I think the number one thing that has guided, has been a guiding post to this space was the gift of self-reflection, the gift of asking the question, how am I contributing to my own discontent? Because at the end of the day, I'm the only one with me. And I spent seven years going, something's wrong. I don't know what's wrong. Let's go together.

[00:10:08.470] - Roya Mattis

And to my gift, actually, now I look back, my former husband Noah did not want to go to counseling. He felt like going to counseling was going to be a recipe for divorce. People go to counseling, get divorced. Now, he has a different mindset today. But what ended up happening is I got to point the finger to me for a long time. And what was being invited was I was living, number one, in the conditioning of childhood. I was the oldest sister growing up, and I married a younger brother.

[00:10:48.120] - Ike Anderson

He was the baby in his family.

[00:10:50.710] - Roya Mattis

I was the oldest. I had more experience in life. Just so happened to be that way. And I thought I was being so helpful. Just, I'll take care of it. It's okay. Don't worry. He would freak out because he just hadn't had life experience. And instead of understanding polarity, instead of understanding empowerment to the person that you love, I went into mommy fix it mode, sister fix it mode. Got it. And so we both went into our childhood roles, and I was completely unconscious to the contribution to my own silent suffering that I was creating. I created a world exactly as we picked it, he and I, in the energetics that I was living in. And over the years, as I began to change, and at first it was like this youthful, like, yay, I can do all these things, to this exhausted, like, I know I can do all these things. Can you take it off my plate? But I didn't I know how to create an invitation for it. I did not know how to create it.

[00:12:05.270] - Ike Anderson

What do you mean by invitation?

[00:12:08.130] - Roya Mattis

I mean that as an achiever, men, women, we are highly capable of figuring the crap out. We're highly capable of digging in and doing and getting to the other side of difficult situations. And so with that capability, it can I overflex the muscle. And that made it like, oh, she's got it. She can handle it. And inside, I'm thinking, I know I can, but I don't want to have to.

[00:12:43.600] - Ike Anderson

You want to have to.

[00:12:45.180] - Roya Mattis

Right. And so instead of then going into invitation, which meant I take us back seeds and I raise space like, Hey, I adore you, and I trust that you could do this. And I'm wondering if maybe you could stand in the gap here because I'm feeling a little overwhelmed or weak or in need. And then empowering and then standing back and allowing him to do it messy and still be okay and still be praised in the process and still be believed in because as a man, he needed that feeling of respect and admiration. If I started to give something away and it wasn't happening, well, you're not going to let a sink ship and you would grab the reins again. But yes, you're not going to let the sink ship. And though, did I give it enough time to find the wind in the sails. I didn't know how to create space for the wind to come in to a new pattern.

[00:14:11.730] - Ike Anderson

Yeah. So did you find any way to let the wind in?

[00:14:19.080] - Roya Mattis

So as time went on, I ended up becoming a plat with Tony and learning a lot about myself. It took me a full year to realize I was feminine at core, actually. I thought I was masculine, literally. No, I am masculine at core. And people are tapping on shoulder like, stand out, the feminine are standing. I'm like, no. And when you don't know self to that degree when you're living in the mess and you just continue to grab on to what has been the survival mechanisms up until that point. So after recognizing those feminine core, now, by the way, I have one question I ask the women in my 10-week course, which is to help women like me, high achievers, to access the softer side of themselves, raise their physical body energy, authentic femininity, embody wisdom, rewiring subconscious and relationships, how they're contributing their own discontent. I asked one question, and so that would have collapsed a lot of time for me. But then I went on a trail to activate that part of my energetics. That part, masculine energy is just so natural in this society, and praised, and focused on, and revered. And feminine is demeaned, demoralized, or sexualized.

[00:15:39.770] - Roya Mattis

So who wants to be any of that stuff? I don't feel what that felt like inside of me to go, oh, this is the delicious air in my lungs I wasn't ever accessing before. And when I began to feel that, then the Then the judgment began to chip away because I recognize that there is truth in this atonement. Instead of just putting a two-cylinder engine and putting the pedal on one and letting the other atrophy. And then you're seeing women to have disease, dysfunctions, and then it turns into disease or dysfunction if you don't pull out the emotions properly. A lot of high-achieving women have adrenal fatigue or autoimmune diseases and early heart attacks. And there's a lot of connection as I'm going deeper in the work to this emotional stuffing. And so when you're feminine a core, you've got to access these two cylinders. So once I started to feel that and call her out more, things started to shift within me. Now, the storybook ending that I beat myself up for not having, how could you not still be married? We were done for 22 years, together 25 years, a lifetime of two children.

[00:17:10.110] - Roya Mattis

I began to become even more committed to aligning instead of contouring, to authenticity instead of checking boxes, to societal report cards. And to Noah's credit, to his defense, we chose each other in that dynamic, and he liked that dynamic. He did not want that dynamic to be different. And so I changed over. After that, it was a five-year period to be finding Finally beginning to invite something different. And there just wasn't a meeting. And it's because it wasn't an authentic alignment to him. I'm changing self, I think often in any change, business and intimate relationships and friendships. It's like, well, in order for it to be right, then everybody in our life, everybody in the business or everyone in my relationships need to come together for this. Energy is it tracks like energy. And once that energy is shifted, you have a choice. You have a choice to contort self back into that framework that you created or to be as authentic as you can be in the process and realize that you might miss some of the people on the journey in the next chapters.

[00:18:52.160] - Ike Anderson

Absolutely. And you can see how that works in phase and all the categories of life as it relates to relationships. Not just internet relationships. So, yeah, I hear that. And I think the awareness to work through the things, it's very important. And if you're not doing it together, then the work to do the integration with the togetherness becomes hard. Yeah.

[00:19:21.530] - Roya Mattis

It becomes next to impossible. Now, here's the good news in this space. We have a great baseline, and And he asked, how should we treat each other now? And we default to kindness, which I'm really, really grateful for. That's our baseline. And I will always have love for Noah. And I think he'll always have some love for me. And things are very different. The change that has been allowed to happen, though, has allowed me to find and uncover this next invited version of myself and the same thing for himself. The fear The year I had was that our kids in the process would have a home that I never imagined they would have, a split household. And when I was looking back and I was grappling with this, actually, for years, it ended up being an 11-year process for me. And toward the end, I realized that I grew up in a house where my parents stayed together forever. And And then at one point, as an adult, I became the counselor for the two of them, like the counselor for problems they were having. And the gift was I got to see behind the curtain and the veil what was really going on inside each of them.

[00:20:46.360] - Roya Mattis

And I recognized then how some patterns were deposited into me unconsciously. While they looked extremely cohabitating and they were a team to make things happen in our lives, and they were so committed to family. My parents didn't have any intimate connection to speak of. Hold hands uncomfortably. My dad would kiss my mom, but gradually when she would ask was like, Is this uncomfortable? And I didn't know what was actually happening inside of them. And so what happened is that I undervalued intimacy in the intimate relationship. And that was an unconscious message because everything you grew up with as a child is normal to you. So what I figured is, first of all, I don't want to become the end of that life. I don't want my life to go in the direction of the end of that life. And also, at least I can begin to authentically put things on the table to the capacity that my children could handle each stage of uncoupling, where we got to have authentic conversations so they could understand what they were feeling, seeing, and trying to know.

[00:22:06.300] - Ike Anderson

And the meaning they're creating from that experience.

[00:22:09.690] - Roya Mattis

I would say today that Aria is now 16, and Zaden is 11. And when the process started, Zaden was five, and Aria was nine. Almost, yeah, nine. Almost 10. Their EQ is so freaking amazing. The conversations and the authenticity that we have. We never would have had these kinds of conversations. We're like adult humans. And I was just so proud of my daughter who has all this discernment in these little interactions now that she's having, right? And she was starting to talk to a boy, and he said to her, Wow, I would have broken up with other girls over this, but you're such an amazing communicator. And she said, Mom, when we trying to talk through something, I didn't just text it. I didn't just use my voice. I did videos, Mom, so he could see my entire body language because I know communication comes from the whole thing. And I was like, these things are life skills that these children will have. And the son is the same way. It's like the conversations our son has is so deep and rich. And And I'm not an advocate, Ike, for divorce because it was a ripping of the soul.

[00:23:35.660] - Ike Anderson

Tell me a little bit more about that, because it's not just the divorce. It's everything else that was going on before, during, and after all mixed in. What was the emotions, the feelings? What was that journey for you?

[00:23:53.680] - Roya Mattis

The journey leading up to the divorce situation?

[00:23:56.590] - Ike Anderson

Just dealing with the whole thing, going through Was it positive or did you have times when it was depressive, or did you have times when it was- At first, I would say it was an ache of Asking and then stuffing away, and then asking again, and then stuffing away, turning and shutting self off, shutting off my intimacy, not purposely, really, not contrived, just became cohabitating household partners.

[00:24:36.990] - Roya Mattis

And then I looked back and I realized I would work late on purpose sometimes. I always had things I could do, but it was to avoid the uncomfortable tap on the shoulder for indecency. So I could sneak into bed unnoticed and avoid that again. And so that season was my silent suffering of confusion, and I felt like I was in a rock in a hard place. I'm staying, and they don't have any choice to make it better. And then the next phase went into this constant ache, this constant obsessive thoughts. And that's when you met me. It was like, should I stay? Should I go? Should I stay? Should I go? Oh my gosh, what should I do? And it was obsessive. And in that stage, I was trying to heal things with any patch I could. Now, I'm going to say something very transparent for your audience because it was a low vibration choice, and it's given me a lot of empathy and understanding for people's choices along a very difficult journey called marriage or committed relationship. I wanted to do anything to save my marriage, and that's when I invested urgently to go to relationship.

[00:26:07.280] - Roya Mattis

And then it not only didn't get better, it started to get worse because now I went on this massive growth. Do we want to go on this massive growth together? And now we're even separating more. And I was already at seven years of asking for help. Now we're even separating more. Now I'm dropping into feminine, and I'm thinking, I can't get air in my lungs. And I'm done. And flirtation happens. And I was going to... The doctor actually is going to gynecologist and having a lot of tests. I thought it was an early menopause. My parts weren't working right. And literally, I'm like, I don't feel like I'm 80 years old. I don't really know what I'm going on. I can't function there. I can't produce there. And I went to an event, and this this young boy. I'm telling you a young boy. I would never turn my head to this young boy normally. But I was in this desert, and this young boy, 20 years old, started flirting with me in a way that was like, what the heck? At the event, asked me to go to the bar. I'm like, I'm not going to go to a bar.

[00:27:17.130] - Roya Mattis

I'm married. But he switched something, and I went, oh, my gosh, I can turn on. I didn't know I could do that. And that began a dysfunctional patch to a problem. And as fate would have it, somebody else that I had met in my past reached out, and we unexpectedly started a sexting communication. What I thought in my desperate mind was, oh, my gosh, I can get turned on, and now I can go have sex with my husband, which is exactly what I did. I never touched that other person, but this patch was like, oh, my gosh, she's so happy. We can survive now. Until I got back to who I am, which even as a child, I didn't lie to my parents. You could look in my closet. There was no skeletons. I debated things, but I never even broke my parents' rules. And this went on for nine months. And then one day, I'm desperately reading book after book after book, and I read something, and I was like, I cannot do that. I cannot do that to myself. I cannot do that to my children. I cannot do that to him. And I came home, and we started the unraveling.

[00:28:52.520] - Ike Anderson

And so there are patches we tried to create to keep the life we always thought we wanted.

[00:29:03.480] - Roya Mattis

And we tried then... There was a lot of hurt there, and But there was still no real deep, authentic work together. And then it got to the point where a couple more years passed. I had two main incidents that triggered me, and I was like, I'm going to live my entire life like this. I cannot do it anymore. And we silently separated. My mother passed within two months of that separation, the month we were going to tell our children. So we decided not to tell them so they would not have no grandmother and parents not together on Christmas. On September 30th is the five of my mother's passing, so it's right around the corner. So this is about that time. And so now we're hiding a secret from our children, too. We are helping them. But what I found out later, I guess, children feel first, they see second, and they hear third. So what you're telling them, they can feel a difference. And this is when you're teaching your children, don't trust yourself, because I'm telling you what you think is wrong. So we're squashing the greatest gift that you have is your own trust in yourself.

[00:30:44.420] - Roya Mattis

And when I finally, finally moved out, it was only because I stayed so long that my body went so numb, I couldn't feel my face, and I couldn't feel my vagina. I'm going to see a neurologist, and they couldn't figure out what's going on. They were going to send me to the Myo clinic. And I was like, I think I know what it is. And I moved out. It was during COVID. I'm going to stay with my brother for a couple of nights a week. He went to stay with his sibling for a couple of nights a week. Then we come back, and my body started to get its feeling back. So When you resist change, change is going to catch up inside of you somewhere. And so then I call this my season where everything burnt to ash. I had a whisper, then I had a tap, and then I had a boulder hit me. And so in August of 2020, I moved out into a rented townhome. First time I moved on my own without parents or Noah. I went from a 7,500 square foot home to a stayed up carpet basement. I'm sitting amongst boxes.

[00:31:52.320] - Roya Mattis

And then I also had a surprise happen in my 20 year career where my business was hit with an atomic bomb and my income went in a third overnight. The one year anniversary of my mom's passing approaching within a few weeks. And here I am separated. Everything I knew was burnt to ash. I did that cry, that cry that's so deep, no noise going, crawling up the stairs. My mattress was still on the floor. I climbed on it, and I open-mouthed cry with no noise. And the next morning, I had some angels of women call me and reminded me of who I was and what all of this was. And that's when I made a distinction that from ash is fertile soil, and you can rise again. No matter what your audience is going through and growing through, there is more when you lean into the invitation that is waiting for you on the other side of the courage of change.

[00:33:07.270] - Ike Anderson

It's powerful. How did those angels know they How did it get you to reach out to you?

[00:33:17.500] - Roya Mattis

Some of the explosion was public. And so they called me. And it was a pretty big It was 2020. Everything was different. People were panicking in business. Our business was not prepared for online work. And then I was in the process of the biggest change of my entire life with my mother's death and my marriage death. And so it was just a perfect storm.

[00:33:52.230] - Ike Anderson

Storm, yeah. So that's pretty intense. Again, we can handle one thing One thing here, one thing here. But when it compounds, it comes together, it could get very heavy. So looking back from the space where you are now, what's one thing you've learned about yourself that is undeniable for you?

[00:34:34.030] - Roya Mattis

No matter how messy or righteous I show up, there is a deep gift of love inside of me that is the root of everything that I do. It's from a desire to give love, to expand in love, and to find love within me and the love in others. So once upon a time, and many times in my life, I've been told, Stop leading with your heart so much, you'll get crushed. You'll get people to love you too much when you lead with your heart. And what I've learned for me and for each person is to thine own self be true, that you might I might be best leading with your head, and I might be best leading with my heart. And some people are caught leading with their triggers. And if I am authentically leading with this gift that I have been given, everything in this extreme has a gift and drawbacks, right? But what I learned to do is instead of squashing that part of me that I've come with at birth of heart and start leaning into it more and trusting it more and listening to it more and strengthening that part of me more, instead of shaming it and shadowing it, then even more of who I call God brought me to be comes out.

[00:36:21.720] - Ike Anderson

So I hear you say, giving love, embracing the love within. But a shadow component of those elements is blocking the love from others to come in.

[00:36:39.280] - Roya Mattis

Shadow component for leading with heart can be can be rationalness sometimes, can be naivety, can be allowing yourself to be a doormat. So then there's this... You can be taken advantage of and you can allow it to happen. You can get hurt deeper than somebody that can shut it off. Now, there's shadows to the head, too. The head can be very logical, very succinct, systematic, very proficient and efficient. The The head can also be unfeeling. The head can miss the joy in the process. The head can forget to follow passion when passion is presented and doesn't realize that if I go into that a bit, I can go further faster with my head. I think there's shadows in each part.

[00:37:50.300] - Ike Anderson

Yeah. So how do we embrace those two components, the love of self and the love that we give? But how do we integrate the love of others as well? Because there's sometimes this fear of that love hurting again.

[00:38:13.560] - Roya Mattis

Oh, So how do we open our heart so why that it can be hurt and will be okay?

[00:38:21.100] - Ike Anderson

Or not. But it's the assumption that it's going to hurt. But even if it did hurt, it's still okay. But there's the three dimensions. There's the within you, like the love you feel, the love you give. But what about the love you receive? How did you integrate the love that you receive?

[00:38:46.110] - Roya Mattis

How did it integrate the love that I receive?

[00:38:49.160] - Ike Anderson

And/or are you able to accept love going through all those experiences?

[00:38:56.540] - Roya Mattis

I have never been afraid to love and be loved. Because I always know that I am going to be more than okay on the other side and that I would rather enjoy fully loving in this present moment. It's that whole better to be loved and lost than ever loved again. I had a client, actually. I think I'll answer it more in this way. I had a client that guarded her heart very deeply, and she couldn't tell where that came from. And now I work in a space in mind, in body and soul, in the trifecta. So we can go effectively, efficiently, and permanently deep into even DNA passes. And so she was finding she was missing these moments of joy. She was like, How for a minute. She was always waiting for the ball to drop. And so she could never fully be present to that love. Like, what's going to happen is going to screw it up. I'm waiting for people to disappoint me. And so we went back into this space. This moment in time, she was six-year-old girl, and they got a puppy. And that puppy was like the joy of her heart.

[00:40:07.540] - Roya Mattis

And it wasn't too long later that they found out her sister, who was just a tiny tot, was allergic to the dogs. So they had to get rid of the love of her life. And in that moment, from that vantage point of six years on Earth, she made an unconscious agreement, she's never going to get so excited and so into loving something because it can leave just like that. So what we did was we reframed the moment, and we also poured, you can call it divine source, God, we poured this renewal. We exited the trappings that were held in the harness of God and poured the light to integrate it instead. And all of a sudden, she starts seeing flowers, flowers everywhere, just flower, flower, petals falling out of things. She loves flowers. 

Flowers make her happy, bring her joy. And flowers popping out of all places, just constantly these bouquets. And she realized, oh, my gosh, I can enjoy the burst of this flower in this moment. And it can feel so amazing. And the flower can go, and there's going to be another burst of flowers somewhere else. And so what we have to recognize is that when you open your hearts to the possibility of the present moments of love, you're never going to lose because you're going to gain a feeling when you're not attached to thinking you will fall apart on the other side.

[00:41:55.110] - Roya Mattis

And there's a lot that goes into that statement because the conditioning of who you were when you didn't even... Who you became and who you agreed to be before you even knew who you were lies inside of you. So we have anxious attachment and we have avoidant attachment. We have all these kinds of nuances in between. It does take sometimes a practitioner to shine a flash light on the blind spots to set you free. The good news is, is when your desire to be free means that your soul has raised its hand to the freedom, you just have to be committed to the path to find it.

[00:42:31.030] - Ike Anderson

Amen. That's awesome. So is there any specific tools or things you do every day to help you to align, to stay the course to help you on your journey?

[00:42:48.890] - Roya Mattis

Yeah. There's best practices that I love now. I was not a meditator before. I am a committed and loving meditative practice. For me, that was a key component in 2021. I just knew I wanted to get... I could do Tony's priming, and I could cross over for 10 minutes. And apparently, I've always had a thin veil, but I decided to immerse myself. So for me, it's immersion that can help make a change. So I went to Joda Spence's week meditation, and literally, these floodgates opened that I was activated to a part of me I didn't know existed just because I listen to a little... I got to go to this thing. I want to get closer to God. I want to heal some things inside me. I want to get more patient. And so these taps, I'm starting to learn to listen to the taps. So best practice is, I start to listen to the taps now. I show up to that week long, and instantly, I start hearing voice guidance that's not Joe Dispensa. Instantly, something cracks open in me. And from that moment on in 2021, I become something I never knew was possible.

[00:44:00.100] - Roya Mattis

I never thought about, never chose. I'm a hollow vessel now, and source goes through me, and I can feel people's pain in my body. I can see their memories, and we witnessed miracles a lot, consistently. So that practice of the tap is number one, and that meditation keeps me tapped in. Number two, because even now as a single mother, a lot of masculine energy is required of me. So So I keep a practice of removing my clothes in a way that would stimulate my body into feminine. When I ground, I don't do a regular grounding. I do a feminine embodiment type grounding, which was developed over my feeling through it. And that's now how I teach the women. It's all about like, oh, yeah, that. That is it. I can feel that. Can you feel that? I can feel that. Yes, we can all feel that. Let's do that. Minutes a day. And so that part keeps my two cylinders going. The meditative is spiritual. That feminine part is the body. And then I hire for me a soul coach. She helps I need to go in to see blind spots, even though I find highly intelligent people.

[00:45:19.730] - Roya Mattis

People that are achievers are really good at compartmentalizing or ignoring and contorting or achieving, barreling through anyway. And so there's a power in the pause. So I practice power in the pause. And I honor that little annoying voice, the one that I don't want to pretend it's not me or my thoughts. And when you pause in that, and then you have someone that shines the flash, I go, what the heck? I keep that going in my life. That power in the pause actually was a huge quantum leaper for my business back the day, if you'd like me to share that. So we keep that piece as well. I would say those are probably critical pieces. And of course, I have a business coach also, so having people outside of myself.

[00:46:13.230] - Ike Anderson

Yeah. Having a coach is probably one of the most important decisions or the best decisions that I've made. I always look at the Olympics that just went by. Some of these athletes are performing on the highest level. And naturally, they're very talented. They can just train and show up. But every last one has a coach. And the coach is not there running for them or doing the thing, but they're making those small adjustments or large adjustments to allow that person to show up really powerful. So I think it's the same thing for life and just navigating this journey, where if you can get guidance and do the work because you still got to do the work.

[00:47:06.850] - Roya Mattis

The coach can't do it for you. Right. You have to show up. Yeah. Can I jot it down? Five main messages I a lot in each major moments of change. May I share that like little nugget from each of the five? I wrote this down.

[00:47:28.510] - Ike Anderson

Well, maybe you could give Give me one for each of the five.

[00:47:32.640] - Roya Mattis

Yeah, one for each.

[00:47:33.460] - Ike Anderson

Because you really added a lot of value in sharing the story and the journey and the process and the thoughts you had through it. Yeah. So, yeah, let's She's like, Okay, we can even...

[00:47:47.570] - Roya Mattis

Well, all right, let's see if this is up quick enough. So in my 20s, it was fear of failure. So in my 20s, I had to learn the message that you cannot quit if you cannot fail. So the formula to never fail is to simply get up one more time. That was my 20th journey to elevating. And then round two in business is I had to learn that power and the pause we talked about, the barreling through and working my butt off as much as possible and strategizing and just doing was never going to be the entire it factor. But to to hear that voice, that voice that rears up of I'm not enough, or I'm going to be the almost made it person or whatever it might be for you, this imposter syndrome, et cetera, to honor the voice and to get something outside of myself already pre-prepared and memorized. And so I would memorize the thing. It can be a sermon or a Bible verse. My voice was the greatest salesman in the world. And I would go to the mirror, to the pupil where your soul lives. So one of the hacks to rewire your subconscious is to tell your freaking soul who it be.

[00:49:02.770] - Roya Mattis

And you can do that through the pupil, and you can get to anywhere. So the round two was, how do I talk to me and rewire my subconscious to up the deserve level for the next space that it's been calling to? And round number three was the body. I had an adrenal crash in the mist, which was a prednison drug. I was paralyzed for a short amount of time. Took me three years, told me to pass the doctors. And that message was, when you want to make a change, Starting with the body, honoring the body is an extremely important space because we can only go as far as our imagination if our bodies won't allow us to go there. So I see it as the body is a place your soul gets to dance in. So I was just pushing my body. At some point, you have to honor that body. Number four is when you make a decision, you got to burn the bridge. Burn the bridge to indecision. Literally like, explode Ode any other option to go forward. And this is the way it's happening. And then that's when the floodgates open and God can pour in.

[00:50:09.370] - Roya Mattis

And the fifth one was the one we talked about in the beginning from Ashes Fertile Soil, that A message came to me actually really, really loudly in a meditative state at a Tony event. The light poured in. God's voice came to my ear and said, I did not make my children to feel guilty. When you feel guilt, you block me out. I cannot do my work when you feel guilt. And now that I know about the Hawking scale of energetics and resonance, guilt is a very, very low vibration. And I used to think, if I don't feel guilty, then I don't feel remorseful. If I don't feel remorseful, I'm not a good person. And so once you go into acceptance, you raise that vibration so much. The next is the higher ones where God or the universe or divine source gets to meet you. So it's all about you being with you, accepting and loving you in the process of you becoming on your messy journey. And then suddenly you realize that it's never been about anybody else's stuff. It's always been about you coming back to the love of self and the process of self.

[00:51:16.580] - Ike Anderson

Absolutely powerful. What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?

[00:51:27.760] - Roya Mattis

This has been my The foundation of everything. When I was 21 years old, I walked out. I ran a hotel property, and I walked out of that back door just crying my eyes out, thinking everything was over and it was desperate. And all of a sudden, I hear this voice say to me, Life is so much bigger than the moment you're living in right now. Literally in that moment, it was like a movie, the birds all accidentally tree at the same time, and they picked up an acorn in the leaf to remember the moment. But it's true, whatever change in growth and an obsession or despair or depression you might be going through or denial. Life is so much bigger than the moment you're living in right now. It's an accumulation.

[00:52:20.990] - Ike Anderson

So if you were to tell the 16-year-old version of yourself a magic message and a whisper in her ear, and you had 15, 20 seconds to do so, what would you tell her?

[00:52:47.740] - Roya Mattis

Oh, sweet girl, while you elevate to become something better, you are lovable right now.

[00:53:00.180] - Ike Anderson

And if you were to see the 95-year-old version of yourself, what would you ask her?

[00:53:16.700] - Roya Mattis

What can I let go of quicker? What can I release? Because I know it's not a baggage to carry. And How do you become even more present while life has its demands? One of the things for me is that because I love so deeply, that even when When something is no longer someone who's not in alignment, I find the beautiful thing in them, and I hold on to it. And one of the lessons I have to learn even more is while I can see the love and the loveliness in them, it doesn't mean that it is atoning to my future now. And letting go and not looking back has been something that I'm still navigating.

That's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. You've added a lot of light with the chaos that you've gone through in the sense of what you've learned and what others can get from your experience. And clearly, we're all humans going through this journey. And it's important to realize that we're not alone. We're not alone. There's others going through their own version of that journey and that story. And it's important to just be present with that. And I'm grateful that you were here today to share your journey and your story.

[00:55:35.920] - Roya Mattis

Thank you for making space for it. Great interviewer. You got me to cry. That's a really good thing. How would you describe the story?

Well, I think it's the power of you being totally in tuned and feeling yourself and being aware of just your overall presence. That's not me. And it's clear that you're serving as well based on your stories and the takeaways and the lessons. Our parents didn't have those access. There wasn't YouTube. There wasn't this yearning to learn and grow. They stayed where they were. And no judgment. It's just the reality of what happened. So we learn from it and we strive to create a better world for ourselves and the people we love and how we show up. So I honor you for being here today, and I'm so grateful for your time in the presence.

[00:56:40.420] - Roya Mattis

You're right. I did talk about things I was not expecting. I I know. That was not expected to talk about at all. I was like, Oh, guess we're going here. Here we go. What a heartfelt and inspiring conversation with Roy and Matis.

[00:57:00.990] - Ike Anderson

Her. Her willingness to share her personal journey through the ending of her marriage, the challenges of parenting, and the reinvention of herself is such a gift. Roya's deep spiritual insights and actionable takeaways are a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is so much more opportunity for growth, healing, and transformation. Roya, thank you for your vulnerability, wisdom, and courage. You've given us all so much to reflect on and apply in our own lives. If this episode resonates with you, share it with someone else who might find benefit from Roya's story. It could be exactly what they need to hear today. Before we wrap up, I want to remind you about the Unmasking Effect membership Community. This is where the magic happens between episodes. A space for deeper connection, exclusive resources, and live events designed to help you take the lessons from these conversations we're having and turn them into action in your own life. To learn more, you can head to the unmaskingeffect.com . We'd love to have you a part of this growing community of seekers and Changemakers. Thank you for tuning in, for being part of this journey, and for showing up for yourself today.

[00:58:21.450] - Ike Anderson

Keep unmasking, keep growing, and keep believing in what's possible. I'll see you next week for another transformative episode of The Unmasking Effect. Peace.