40 - Back to Work: Easing the Transition After Maternity Leave

In this powerful episode of Doula Talk: Postpartum, Babies, and the Battle for Sleep, Deb peels back the curtain on one of the most under-prepared-for moments of early parenthood: going back to work after maternity leave. Spoiler alert—it’s not just about logistics, it’s an identity shift.

Deb opens with her own (very real) story: trying to jump back into overnight doula work while leaking milk, crying on her commute, and coaching her husband through baby care via text—only to crash hard and realize, “I wasn’t ready.” It’s the kind of raw honesty and insight that sets this episode apart. When she did go back later, on her own terms, everything changed—and she shares how you can create that same shift.

This episode is packed with straight-talking, compassionate tips for anyone feeling overwhelmed by the return-to-work whirlwind. Top five tips for going back to work: 

• ✨ Run a dress rehearsal before Day One (because chaos loves to show up uninvited)
• 🍼 Prep your feeding game—whether you’re pumping, formula-feeding, or combo feeding
• 🧺 Share the dang load at home and stop being the default parent and the snack planner and the emotional support human
• 🎵 Build drop-off and pick-up rituals that help you and baby feel grounded
• 💤 Protect your sleep like it’s sacred, even when you’re not getting much of it

And perhaps most importantly, Deb debunks the “back to normal” myth with warmth and clarity: You’re not going back. You’re evolving.

💡 Resources You’ll Want to Grab:

• ✅ Free Postpartum Logistics Checklist: Get your ducks in a row without losing your mind.
• ✅ Baby Soothing Guide: Quick, practical tools to help during transitions.

All freebies and program info can be found at douladeb.com/free-resources-sign-up

🎧 Who Should Listen:

• New parents returning to work soon
• Partners wondering how to be more supportive
• Anyone feeling stretched thin and unprepared
• Clients needing a loving push to actually prepare instead of panic

🫂 Need More Support to Plan Going Back to Work? 

• ✅ First Year Support Program: Personalized, judgment-free support for feeding, sleep, partner dynamics, and easing back to work.
• ✅ Sleep Coaching Consults: Ideal for prepping your baby’s sleep before your return.

Hit play, share with a friend, and remember—you’re not doing it wrong, you’re doing something new.

Chapters

• 0:44 Intro: The Emotional Ride of Returning to Work
• 1:14 Deb’s Honest Story: Returning Too Soon
• 2:24 What Changed the Second Time Around
• 3:33 Tip #1: Practice Before Showtime
• 4:32 Tip #2: Prep Your Feeding Game
• 5:58 Tip #3: Share the Dang Load
• 7:33 Tip #4: Create Drop-off and Pickup Rituals
• 8:13 Tip #5: Protect Your Sleep Like It’s Sacred
• 9:24 The “Back to Normal” Myth
• 10:18 First Year Support + Freebies
• 11:49 Final Pep Talk: You’ve Got This

Transcript

Deb (00:40)
Hey friends, welcome back to Doula Talk.

This is Doula Deb and I want to be that voice in your ear reminding you that no, you're not the only one crying into your coffee right now. Today, we are diving into the wild, weird, emotional ride of going back to work after maternity leave. Whether you're counting the days or absolutely dreading it, one thing's for sure, this shift is

like a whole thing and I'm here to walk you through it with some straight talk, real tips and absolutely zero judgment. So let's be totally honest about my own return to work journey. I bombed it the first time. Like so bad.

At the time, I was working overnights as a doula and I thought that jumping back into caring for newborn twins on zero sleep while still leaking milk, crying on the way to work and answering frantic calls from my husband who, bless his heart, was like, wait, how do I get him back to sleep again? The poor guy hadn't done

many night wakeups, only when I was totally exhausted to do it myself. Why? Because I hadn't let him.

My new mom anxiety had me micromanaging bedtime like it was the Olympics. was acting like I was going for the gold medal in over-functioning. So there I was trying to pump between baby feedings at work while simultaneously coaching my husband through caring for our actual baby over text and I hit a wall. I was like, nope, I cannot do this. I was so

I wasn't ready to go back and I finally came to terms that that was now fast forward to when I went back on my own terms closer to the one year mark.

It was a whole different experience. I had sleep under my belt. I felt more like me again, and I actually wanted to go to work. It wasn't about survival anymore. It was about reclaiming that little bit of joy and brain space that belonged to just me, not about being a mom. And this time we did it right. Like we took our time.

I finally was in a place where I allowed my husband to take over bedtime and do the night wakeups for a while before I returned. And surprise, he nailed it. to figure it out, but also I was right there if he needed any support, by the time I went back to work again,

I didn't get the frantic texts or the late night panic calls and guess what? I didn't really have the mom guilt either. Of course I missed my baby and it was definitely adjustment but just me doing the work that I love, knowing the people at home had it handled was everything.

let's talk about practical tips here, okay? These are the things I tell every client when they're headed back to work. number one, practice before showtime. Do not wait until day one to start your new routine. Do a dress rehearsal. Pretend it's a work day. Wake up earlier, pack your bag, run the drop off. The fewer surprises means the less chaos. And yes, I said less, not none, because chaos always

finds a way.

So if that means that you are supposed to be up and out the door by 6 30 to make it to daycare to get to work by eight, do the practice run to make sure that you can get up and feed the baby and get their bag ready. as you're doing that dry run, you might find some hiccups of things that might really save you some time and energy by doing them the night before, but you're not going to know what those things are.

until you do that dry run.

Number two, setting up your feeding game.

Are you planning on pumping using formula? Combo feeding? Great. Just get your system together. If that means getting a pumping station in your work bag, you might want to keep a backup outfit and pads in the car just in case you spill milk on yourself or leak somewhere. And listen, if you end MacGyvering that breast pad out of a tissue at some point, welcome to the club.

You're doing amazing. So think through the day on your feeding plan. Do you need extra bottles if you pump more than you think? How much formula are you gonna have to send to daycare? Do they like it prepared ahead of time? Or can you send a can of formula?

Whatever the case may be, make sure that your baby has enough milk to drink throughout the day if they're extra hungry and a backup plan.

And as for pumping, do you have somewhere to store your milk after you've pumped? Is there a little refrigerator you can put it in or you can bring an ice pack with you to keep it chilled until you get home. So whatever the case may be, make sure that you are taken care of. Now, if you are exclusively breastfeeding before you go back to work, you can't just go from breastfeeding to not expressing during the day. So make sure

that you are practicing pumping during the day so that you're not surprised with all the ins and outs. All right, number three is share the dang load.

this is assuming that your partner has already gone back to work and you were staying home longer. But now that you are both going to work, it's time to reassign some of those baby jobs. Typically what happens is when your partner goes back to work, you take on a little bit more of the baby care so that they can be well rested and function at their job. But now that you're going back to work,

You should not be the default parent and the working parent and the snack planner and the emotional support human because that's too much. So sit down with your partner as you're planning to go back to work and make a plan. Write it all down. Stick it on the fridge if you have to. This is teamwork. OK, so that means if you're in charge of cooking and laundry and baby care and keeping up with all the baby supplies and the

household supplies, there is a lot of shifting that needs to happen when you head back to work too. It's not about piling work back on to everything else you're doing. It's about redistributing some of those tasks so that you both have some of the load.

So if that means dishes and laundry are now done by your partner because you are going back to work, then that's what needs to happen. Or maybe you guys split the cooking duties and one week you cook and the next week they cook. So making sure that you redistribute a lot of the household and baby care duties is really important to make this transition smooth.

All right, next is four, create little rituals. So this is really gonna help with your mental health for your baby. Drop-offs can feel really brutal, especially those first ones. Trust me, I know. A special goodbye song or a see you soon fist bump can help you and your baby know what to expect. And at pick up,

Create a reconnection moment. It doesn't have to be fancy, but should be consistent so your baby knows they can look forward to seeing you and what to expect. It could be a cuddle, a little snack, a silly dance party in the kitchen. That is all great.

And last five, protect your sleep like it's sacred. And I am serious, sleep is not optional. If you're working nights like me or even just going full throttle during the day, you need real recovery time. Put it on the calendar, lock the door, get noise canceling headphones, make it sacred because your sanity depends on it. And let's be real, your baby is not sleeping through by four months,

which is the time most companies ask you to be back at work. So as you're trying to work through getting back to work and being out of the house and dropping off and doing all the things, you're baby's still not sleeping through the night and that's normal and okay. so really.

Try to get to bed early if you can. Share the nighttime wakeups with your partner. Making sure that the weekend you have time to rest and recover if the week was really brutal. Or even easing back into work can be really helpful if you have the option and ability to slowly get back into work. But the most important thing is that we really need to focus on getting the rest and recovery that you need.

Okay, so let's talk about the back to normal myth. So here's the truth, nobody says out loud enough, you are not going to be going back to normal. That version of you does not exist anymore. And that's not a loss. It's an evolution. You are not failing if you feel overwhelmed, you are growing, you are pushing your limits, you're learning, you're figuring out a brand new rhythm for yourself and your family.

So give yourself space to not have it all figured out right away. Here's a spoiler No one has it figured out. We are all building something new and that takes time, a little bit of creativity and a whole lot of grace.

If you find yourself looking at the doom of going back to work, I totally get it. And if you're nodding along and thinking, yeah, that's a lot, because yeah, it is, but you do not have to do this alone.

That's one reason why I created the First Year Support Program. That's where I create a personalized, compassionate, judgment-free zone to help you figure out sleep,

feeding, routines, your partner communication, and all the things that come up in the first year. And especially if you are going back to work. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of planning with someone who's been there to get everything sorted for you to be ready to go back to work.

if you really just want to get your baby's sleep as good as possible before you get back to work, I'm here for that too. some babies around four to six months are ready for sleep coaching, but we can evaluate that together and see what.

works for you and your baby, I usually suggest doing any kind of sleep coaching at least three to four weeks before you plan on going back to work. And that might mean that your baby's not quite ready if you're heading back at four those are all things we can talk about in a discovery call.

I want you to be prepared with all the information that you can and so don't forget to sign up for my freebies on my website. There's guides, resources, a baby soothing checklist I even have a

postpartum logistics checklist on how to get all your ducks in a row slowly in postpartum so that you're really ready to go back to work. And yes, they are absolutely free. There are a lot of things to explore in there and they're actually helpful. No fluff, okay? So look, let's break it down. Returning to work after baby isn't just a calendar date.

It is an identity shift and it's okay if it takes a minute or a few months to find your groove. trust me, you will find it. And if no one's told you lately you're doing an incredible job, seriously,

Even if your shirt's inside out and your coffee's been reheated three times, your baby loves you so much and has zero expectations for you. please share it with a friend, leave a review, or just yell, thank you Deb into the void, and I promise I will hear you. a topic you want me to go over,

Feel free to go over to my website and fill out the form and I would love to do, whatever is on your mind. So until next time, take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and remember, you're not going back, you're just moving forward, and you totally got this.