The One Dating Mistake Every Nomad Makes…and How to Avoid It with Marvin Athey, Remote Podcast Manager | EP 42

Why Do Most Digital Nomad Relationships Crash and Burn Before They Even Start?

Ryan Mellon sits down with podcast manager and seasoned nomad Marvin Athey, who’s spent the last 7 years dating across Bali, Da Nang, Eastern Europe, and everywhere in between. Together, they unpack why so many digital nomad relationships flame out fast and what it actually takes to make one work.

Marvin drops hard-earned insights about the “intensity trap” that all-too-common pattern where whirlwind trips and romantic backdrops create a false sense of connection. They dive into what sabotages these relationships from the start: short timelines, conflict avoidance, visa drama, and cultural mismatches.  

Chapters: 

08:20 – What Actually Works for Nomad Couples
10:30 – Cultural and Socioeconomic Challenges in Dating Abroad
21:40 – Can Open Relationships Work for Nomads?
30:00 – The Passport Panic Story  
37:50 – Why Nomad Cruises Were a Life-Changing Experience

Marvin shares the surprising activities that create real bonds (hint: it’s not Tinder) and how they can help you build community anywhere, and why treating every destination like a revolving door is killing your shot at real connection.

You’ll also hear hilarious and horrifying stories, like the time Marvin nearly got kicked out of Southeast Asia over a passport mishap and what saved him just in time.

Listen and learn if you’re swiping in Canggu, dancing in Medellín, or just trying to make one connection last longer than a week.

Connect with Marvin: https://www.instagram.com/marvin_podcastmanager/

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DISCLAIMER:
Listening to stories of beachside zoom calls, mountainside work views, and island-hopping entrepreneurs may cause severe wanderlust and an irresistible urge to turn your laptop into a passport to freedom. Side effects include daydreaming about tropical co-working spaces, working with Ryan to learn how you can start working and traveling and buying a one-way ticket to Bali. Get ready to start living your dream life today!

Chapters

• 8:20 What Actually Works for Nomad Couples
• 10:30 Cultural and Socioeconomic Challenges in Dating Abroad
• 22:32 Can Open Relationships Work for Nomads?
• 30:52 The Passport Panic Story
• 38:42 Why Nomad Cruises Were a Life-Changing Experience

Transcript

 [00:00:00] Ryan Mellon: Is it actually possible to fall in love when you're living the digital nomad lifestyle? Today, I sit down with Marvin Athey, my podcast manager, and a longtime digital nomad who spent years living and dating across Southeast Asia and Europe. He's seen the highs, the heartbreaks, and the awkward realities of trying to build real connections on the move.

[00:00:21] Ryan Mellon: You'll hear why most relationships feel so intense, then disappear just as fast. Plus, what actually leads to deeper friendships and community abroad. We'll also get into surprising ways to meet people beyond coworking spaces and dating apps. Don't miss hearing the one passport mistake that nearly forced them to fly back to the US.

[00:00:41] Ryan Mellon: If you're looking to build a life abroad and wanting more than just surface-level connections, then this one's for you.

[00:00:55] Ryan Mellon: Welcome back to Digital Nomad Nation, where we inspire and empower you to achieve [00:01:00] location independence and live life on your own terms. Today we have Marvin Athey. Welcome, Marvin.

[00:01:06] Marvin: Hello, Ryan.

[00:01:08] Ryan Mellon: Why do you think people fail at relationships as a digital nomad?

[00:01:13] Marvin: Oh, great question. Lot to unpack. So I'm excited to answer this. I can only talk about my observation over the past 5, 6, 7 years of living abroad and seeing what works and what doesn't. And one of the challenges, I think—as someone who's lived in the US for the majority of their adult life—is that we have this process when we're dating someone.

[00:01:38] Marvin: And you chime in if you can relate. So you meet someone, whether it's on an app or at a bar. I lived in San Diego. I lived in Las Vegas. A few mutual friends, and you take them out, you have coffee, and then you spend maybe the next month or so courting them. You make a choice to spend time together, your [00:02:00] weekends together.

[00:02:00] Marvin: We are all really busy in America. And so I think when we have that process—that courting process—it helps solidify the relationship. If you're four to six months in, you've kind of made a choice to be with that person, and I argue that you don't even know the person until six months. You're only meeting their representative.

[00:02:24] Marvin: You know, I'm a really messy person. I'm not like a dirty person, but I do leave things around. But the first three months, my place is spotless. It's only when you're staying with me and the cracks start forming—I might snore a little bit. So you have this time to kind of see the whole picture. And so when I've dated, and I've seen my other friends date—and there's definitely a success story as we can jump into later—but you end up meeting someone and there's a level of intensity that happens right off the bat. So [00:03:00] I've lived in Bali, you’ve spent a ton of time in Bali, and so it's like, Hey, you're hot.

[00:03:07] Marvin: Let's go do the sunrise on Mount Agung tomorrow, or let's go to the Komodo Islands and have this weekend getaway. And I would equate that to just like if you met someone in your hometown and you said, let's go to the Four Seasons, or let's go to the fanciest restaurant. So you're starting at such a level of intensity that…

[00:03:37] Marvin: There's nowhere to go. You know, if I take a girl out to Starbucks and have coffee as a first date, or just a café, you can build up to a fancy restaurant, a steakhouse, all these things. But if you start at that level, there's not a lot to go. And so there's this intensity, and what ends up happening is you try to maintain the intensity.

[00:04:04] Marvin: So you're like, let's go do this and let's go do that. Then it's like, well, we're living in the same place—why don't we just move in together? I've had stories where friends just move in, and sometimes it's not intentional. It's like, Hey, I know you are gonna leave, but you might stay. So maybe if you stay with me for a few days, and after a while you're like, well, why don’t you stay? It just makes sense. Either we're gonna split the finances, or it's just more convenient because we spend most of our time together.

[00:04:22] Marvin: And so that level of intensity, from my experience and my friends’, sometimes masks the challenges and you become conflict avoidant because many relationships can be very short term.

[00:05:00] Ryan Mellon: Yeah, absolutely. Especially when I'm traveling.

[00:05:03] Marvin: When you're traveling, if you meet someone and you're like, I'm leaving in two weeks, maybe after week one you realize, oh, this person eats really loud or has a bad temper. But you're like, well, they're very attractive, we're in Cambodia on some island, or we're at Songkran Festival or the Full Moon Party, and you think, I don’t want to rock the boat. They're leaving in a week, so why create drama or conflict?

[00:05:46] Marvin: So you end up holding back from those hard conversations. And what I've noticed in myself and my other friends is that it becomes the standard. It's like, oh, they're leaving in a month, I’m not going to create conflict. We'll have [00:06:00] a great time, and I may or may not see them again. Then the cracks show later, or you leave Southeast Asia for Europe and never see this person again.

[00:06:13] Marvin: I think it creates that attachment style of avoidance. Men typically default to avoidant, but I think this lifestyle can exacerbate that.

[00:06:25] Ryan Mellon: Okay. Yeah, that totally makes sense. And that Four Seasons story hit hard because I met a girl on Tinder in Bali. She picked the place for us to go get dinner, and it was literally the Four Seasons on the beach in Bali. That was the first date. And I'm like, man, I'm guilty of this. But yeah, super classy place.

[00:06:46] Ryan Mellon: And then like, well, where do we go from there, you know? Are we going to the local street food place next time? Different vibes.

[00:07:00] Ryan Mellon: In some of the successes you've had dating on the road, how do you feel? Was there anything that you've changed or did differently, or maybe the situation was different where you had more time with someone that allowed you to progress like a normal relationship back home?

[00:07:18] Marvin: Yes. I would like to knock out what I've seen as success and then dovetail into what I've seen in my own success. I would say the easy part I've seen—and this is not always successful—but if you're from the same country and you actually spent time together before, like a lot of digital nomad couples who met in America.

[00:07:42] Marvin: They were together in America, they worked together, they lived together, and they decided to sell and leave together. So they have compatibility. However, I've met some of them who had to see a therapist or counselor because they'd never experienced being together 24/7. That’s always going to be the challenge if you're traveling together—are you okay being together that much?

[00:08:13] Ryan Mellon: Yeah.

[00:08:13] Marvin: I think it's important to have that space and time—we'll jump into that more. Another factor for success: it's not required, but having the same native language can be very helpful culturally.

[00:09:00] Marvin: But having said that, I’ll contradict myself. If you go to a country and you like the locals—if you go to Asia and you like Asians (I can say this because I’m half Asian), or you go to Poland and you like Slavic women, or you go to Ukraine or Russia—if you’re naturally attracted to the people where you’re living, you have a higher potential for success because they’re more likely to stay in that location.

[00:09:29] Marvin: But then the challenge becomes socioeconomic. If you expect a 50/50 financial split and you’re in a country with lower salaries, you’ll run into challenges if you want to do expensive things. Another factor: their passport might be weaker than yours. I’ve met many guys who’ve fallen in love with women in Vietnam and other countries, and then face huge visa process headaches.

[00:10:25] Marvin: For example, a friend of mine, she’s Russian, and she wanted to visit the UK but got rejected for the visa multiple times. That strains relationships.

[00:10:50] Marvin: Ultimately, I think time and space are key. I tend to be avoidant and aware there’s a “clock ticking,” but if I can stay longer in one place, it gives stability to the other person. Also, if you’re socioeconomically similar, you can travel together more easily. I’ve seen couples succeed by having a rule like, “We can’t be apart more than 2–4 weeks.” That forces them to figure out ways to reunite.

[00:12:00] Marvin: I think when dating other nomads or expats, we’ve sacrificed so much to get here—time with friends, family, parts of our old life—that we’re less likely to compromise. People want to stick to the life they’ve designed: “I want to go to Buenos Aires, I want to do the Nomad Cruise,” and so on.

[00:12:02] Ryan Mellon: Yeah, I totally understand. I had a relationship where there were both socioeconomic challenges and a weaker passport, and it definitely was a strain. I ended up paying more than my share, which was fine, but it got challenging and sometimes led to resentment.

[00:12:30] Ryan Mellon: You mentioned friends and family—we sacrifice those relationships. How do you build community and friendships on the road?

[00:12:45] Marvin: Standard stuff: co-living and coworking. Recently, when I was in Da Nang, Vietnam, I got into pickleball. Pickleball and padel are huge in Bali. If you look at shared interests as a nomad, I’d say top activities—not in any order—would be Latin dancing, padel, run clubs, and brunch clubs.

[00:13:51] Marvin: Latin dancing—salsa or bachata—is amazing for meeting people. I first got into it because I dated someone from Venezuela who loved it. There’s a huge scene in Da Nang, Chiang Mai, and all over the world. You can meet lots of people, especially as there are usually more women than men in the scene.

[00:14:13] Marvin: These activities are great for meeting people, but it’s not a one-time thing. Like anything in life, it’s the compounding effect of showing up every week or every day. People start noticing you. The challenge is many nomads go to meetups and immediately tell people, “I’m only here for a month.” That subconsciously tells people not to get too close.

[00:14:34] Marvin: Instead, lead with your shared interests and actually participate. Pickleball became my obsession in Da Nang—I played daily. Social pickleball is especially good because with two courts and a dozen people, you’re always chatting during breaks.

[00:15:25] Ryan Mellon: How do you find these communities when you’re in a brand-new place?

[00:15:40] Marvin: In salsa, there’s a global network—attend one event and you’ll find people who travel together for dance. For pickleball and padel, there’s usually a WhatsApp or Telegram group. There’s also an app called Reclub that lists social sports by location. In places like Kuala Lumpur or Bangkok, you can see all upcoming games and register easily.

[00:16:45] Marvin: I regret not starting padel earlier—it’s addictive once you try it.

[00:16:54] Ryan Mellon: Can you explain padel? I’ve never seen it.

[00:17:00] Marvin: Sure. Padel (sometimes called paddle) started in Spain. It’s a hybrid of tennis and squash or racquetball. It has tennis rules but is played in an enclosed glass court. In tennis, if the ball bounces and you miss, the point’s over. In padel, the ball can bounce off the wall and still be in play. The padded floor is easier on the knees.

[00:17:44] Marvin: Resorts love padel because it’s more social than golf and takes up less space.

[00:18:02] Marvin: Pickleball is like tennis and ping pong combined—played with a wiffle ball on a smaller court. It’s easy to learn in under an hour, which makes it accessible for all ages. In Da Nang, I played against people in their 60s and 70s who crushed me. It’s something I’d love to play with my dad, who just turned 70.

[00:19:02] Ryan Mellon: Yeah, I have a friend who converted her tennis court to pickleball, and it gets way more use.

[00:19:25] Ryan Mellon: So is there anything you’ve noticed in terms of success for digital nomads—whether it’s traveling, relationships, anything?
[00:19:36] Marvin: I have limited experience with this, but I’ve seen a lot of nomads in open relationships. Some say it works because if you’re transparent, there’s nothing to hide. Insecurities and jealousy can be discussed openly. They argue that even in monogamous relationships, the lifestyle can test loyalty—you’re away for long stretches, people show interest, and temptation happens.
[00:20:29] Marvin: In an open arrangement, they say it removes that burden. I’ve seen some success there, but ultimately I think spending real time together is the biggest factor. You need enough time to see each other’s real habits and how they treat people.
[00:21:16] Ryan Mellon: Yeah, that’s great advice. Relationships are complicated, especially for solo travelers. I tell people there will be plenty of ways to meet others, and if you find another nomad, the key is aligning on where to go next and making sure it’s possible for both financially and with passports.
[00:22:08] Ryan Mellon: My ex and I traveled together for almost two years. It worked great until it became long distance—since I need to be in the US six months a year for my real estate business and to enjoy my sailboat in summer.
[00:23:00] Marvin: Yeah, destination choice is a big challenge. For example, a friend was starting his Southeast Asia trip, but the woman he liked had already spent ten years there and was ready to move on. Hard to reconcile.
[00:23:41] Marvin: Would you have flexibility if you met your soulmate?
[00:24:10] Ryan Mellon: Ideally, she could come to the US for six months. In my last relationship, that wasn’t possible or desired on her end, which was hard. Now that I’m coaching and doing less renovations, I could spend more time abroad—but flexibility is needed from both sides, especially with different passports.
[00:24:33] Marvin: There are stereotypes—like with Russians being very beautiful but sometimes high maintenance. I’ve dated a couple myself and found some truth in that pattern.
[00:25:36] Marvin: Are you pro dating apps?
[00:25:40] Ryan Mellon: Absolutely. Easiest way to meet people other than in person at coworking or coliving. Meeting in person is best, but apps work faster abroad since people are open to connections.
[00:26:26] Marvin: I have a love-hate relationship with them. I do better in Eastern Europe—Romania, Poland—and also Barcelona. Bali was hit-or-miss because I met so many people organically. But you have to put in effort: good photos, good bio, and move quickly to meeting in person.
[00:27:42] Marvin: I recommend moving your pin to your next destination a couple weeks early to start conversations, so you’re not wasting time after arrival.
[00:28:55] Ryan Mellon: Yeah, otherwise chats die out after “How’s your day?” You have to move fast because their inbox is full too.
[00:28:46] Ryan Mellon: You had a passport mishap—tell us about it.
[00:28:57] Marvin: I was in Bali doing visa runs and realized I had only 3–4 pages left in my passport. Someone in a Facebook group told me the last three pages don’t count—they’re marked “Not for visas.” That meant I had only one usable page. Most countries require six months validity and two blank pages to enter.
[00:29:50] Marvin: My visa run was to Kuala Lumpur, and thankfully Malaysia allows entry with one page. I booked an appointment at the US consulate. Luckily, passports issued abroad are often fast-tracked.
[00:31:10] Marvin: Funny side note: the night before my appointment, I went on a hostel pub crawl. I ended up back in my room with a girl from the crawl, but nothing happened—she passed out with chicken nuggets on the bed. I left for my appointment early, telling her to lock up. I’m pretty sure she woke up confused.
[00:32:17] Marvin: At the consulate, I had to surrender my phone and sit for hours hungover while overhearing the visa officer grill applicants: “Why do you want to go to the US? Why did you miss your last appointment?” Brutal.
[00:33:19] Marvin: After getting my new passport, I had to visit immigration so they could transfer info into it—so they knew I hadn’t overstayed and ditched the old one to avoid fines.
[00:35:13] Ryan Mellon: I checked my passport after you told me—the last three pages really are unusable. That’s important to know.
[00:35:35] Marvin: Yeah, and it’s weird they’re at the end. My passport chip is also broken, so I can’t use e-gates anymore, which annoys immigration officers. I’ll probably have to replace it again soon.
[00:36:19] Ryan Mellon: So you can get a US passport at any consulate abroad?
[00:36:32] Marvin: I’ve only done it in Malaysia, but that’s part of what consulates are there for.
[00:36:51] Ryan Mellon: Tell me about one of your top travel experiences.
[00:37:00] Marvin: One of my favorites was the Nomad Cruise in December 2023 from Tenerife, Spain to Brazil. Life is about shared experiences, and the cruise was full of other nomads who’d worked hard to be there. It included talks, activities, way too much buffet food, and crossing the equator.
[00:39:01] Marvin: The trip was 11 days, but many arrive early or travel together afterward. I met people I’d only known online before. And yes, there were a few romantic connections.
[00:40:52] Ryan Mellon: I relate to what you said about going home—people think you’ve been on a long vacation, not working.
[00:41:09] Marvin: Exactly. We’re working—me with podcast clients, you with coaching and real estate.
[00:41:18] Ryan Mellon: Speaking of work, what do you do primarily?
[00:41:35] Marvin: Podcast management is my main work, though I’ve also done sales. I started the long way, figuring things out over years.
[00:42:00] Ryan Mellon: You’ve done great work here—we’re almost at 40 episodes and growing fast.
[00:42:12] Ryan Mellon: Let’s wrap with a few rapid-fire questions. Best hack for affordable long-term accommodation?
[00:42:16] Marvin: Facebook and WhatsApp groups. Be transparent in your post—include a photo, location map, and what you want so people don’t waste your time.
[00:43:10] Marvin: In Da Nang, I paid $300–400 for a great one-bedroom. In Bansko, I pay $400 for a proper one-bedroom, though you can find cheaper.
[00:44:13] Ryan Mellon: Unexpected travel essential—excluding laptop, phone, passport, or wallet?
[00:44:21] Marvin: I carry a small saint statue from my mom for luck, $500–$1000 in cash for emergencies, printed photos of friends, and an AirTag in my luggage.
[00:45:25] Ryan Mellon: So you check bags?
[00:45:49] Marvin: Yes. I like having enough clothes to look nice—if you dress well as a nomad, you stand out.
[00:46:07] Ryan Mellon: Awesome. Thanks for sharing your stories, Marvin.
[00:46:30] Ryan Mellon: And thanks to our listeners—grab my free guide, Seven Ways to Become a Digital Nomad, linked in the description.