The Erotically Embodied Woman Podcast

DOMME YOUR DADDY ISSUES (replay of live masterclass)

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Hellooooo my darlings,

Catch the replay of the live masterclass here, xoxo

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SPEAKER_00:

Hello, hello. Welcome to the Dom Your Daddy Issues Masterclass. This has been a long time coming of not just the last month or two that this has been in my periphery, but the last 10 years. Honestly, my whole childhood now that I actually am saying that of a lot of unraveling and learning and expanding and for lack of better words, death thing I have done around this topic of daddy issues. And I am super jazzed to get to share with all of you tools, my experiences of how I have alchemized and transformed the daddy issues that plagued me in relationships like mad for my whole, at least adult existence, but definitely earlier too. And recording this masterclass today is actually a really interesting day because earlier I was driving around Salt Lake City, Utah, where I'm located, and I had so many different memories of different relationships that I have been in throughout my life. And I really got to reflect on the different versions of me. And I really believe that all of these different versions are the what are showing up for me today as I have transformed formed myself so deeply in my inner world that has definitely then trickled over to the outer world as well. and some of you know me and some of you are brand new to me which if you are new oh my goodness welcome to the world of zenny it is a riot over here and i'm excited to have you and if you have been one of my babes that has been following along in my inner circle for many years or even more recently just with all my love thank you for loving me in this way and I want to give a bit of a introduction to who I am. If you are new to me, or even if you know me, maybe there are things that you don't know yet. And I spent the last five years as a mental health therapist that specialized working with women, specifically in the maternal mental health realm, sex therapy, couples therapy, and trauma. And I decided to jump ship from the fancy world of licensed therapists worlding, for lack of better words. And I quit my career in in 2024 because I really felt like there was a different path for me of how I wanted to support and guide the people in my life and my community that honestly, I feel like the code of ethics would have had a hissy fit about. And a lot of that is around bringing in the eroticism and kink and the sexuality in a way beyond that is acceptable in a therapy office that truly I have found in my own experience to transform the ways that I work with my clients now and then also the ways that it has transformed me as a human. And beyond my work life, I am also a MILF to a spicy five-year-old. I also am exploring polyamory for the first time in my life as of a couple in the last little bit. And I love dance. I love sensuality. And my journey really started three years ago. And if you want to know more about my sensuality journey specifically, over the last three years, there are episodes on my podcast, the Erotically Embodied Woman podcast, that you can dive along into there too. And so let's get on to the topic of the day, which is daddy issues. All right. I Wanted to originally get fully dressed up in my dominatrix gear. And honestly, I was not really feeling it today. So we got a colorful dress and I am really excited because I feel like initially when I thought about wearing a more dominatrix outfit, I felt like it gave perhaps and give some misleading about what it really means to dom your daddy issues. Because yes, Dom is definitely a look that people can draw into. It's also very much so a energy that we get to embody in everyday life. And hello Whitney, thank you for joining. And I wanted to get to dress in a way that really got to embody for me what it meant to be in my dom, which for me, yes, the collar situation is fun and whatnot, but really doming is much more about taking full sovereignty over our lives. It's much more about taking radical responsibility for the emotions, the triggers that may arise for us in our lives. For me, for a long time, I thought that my... daddy issues so to speak which really showed up as really intense anxiety really i felt like was something that was going to plague me forever i remember being in couples therapy with my ex-husband when i was in my majorly anxious attachment phase where when i say phase i mean my whole life but up to that point and i remember being couples therapy and being like I am so anxious. I have to take medication because I get so anxious when you are not texting me or when you are off doing things without me, or you're giving attention to other people. Like I had zero chill when it came to the anxiety that would pull through my body around feeling abandoned by someone, even if there was all of the evidence in the world that they were more into me than ever. And there was a huge part of my body and brain that severely could not handle any sort of perceived separation from me in a person. And so today I have truly over the last several years, but really the last year transformed into being able to release a lot of the anxiety that I had, where it was not just something that was in my mind, but in my body could actually feel more relaxed rather than being consumed and honestly feeling underwater with majority of my relationships where I really felt like I did not get to show up truly as my authentic self. A lot of people who follow me online may be hearing a lot about my most recent relationship compared to my current relationship where now I feel like I'm truly stepping into who I am and receiving people who are obsessed with who I am and amplifying that rather than my previous dynamics where I really contorted myself. And so for me to get to here, there was a lot of inner work that got to happen. And so today's masterclass is all about sharing about the three different daddy issues. So what's going to happen is I'll be talking about the three, which are around worthiness, abandonment and control and trust. I highly recommend if you're listening to pull out a notebook perhaps and jot some notes and things that inspire you or whatnot because for me I find that you'll see that the way I plan to teach this is I will go through three different daddy issues and I will teach a lot about through my own personal experiences of what I've learned in each of them because if you know human design I'm a 3-5 profile which essentially means that the ways that I tend to approach life and people is sharing my personal experiences as a way to teach. And that's the way that I thrive the most. And so I'll be doing that. And then also with each of them be giving you a very specific practical tool that you can apply with each of them to start that journey of reprogramming. Because like I said, for me, for a long time, it was concepts that existed in my mind, but my body would still freak the fuck out at any thing within relationships basically. And so I'm going to give you a little tools that you can start applying. And what's really fun is that I actually don't have the tools pre-planned for you because what I love to do as a trained intuitive is I will channel specifically for the higher selves of people who will be viewing this. And so that way I test everything that I give to my clients and people here to make sure they're going to be at least 93% effective for that person and what they need right then. So I love to give personalized tools in that way. And so I will be going through that along as I talk about it. So we're going to start off with talking about the worthiness situation, which for me has really shown up as feeling like I need to earn love, which keeps me in a very busy state of feeling like my presence is not the value. It really felt like if I was not performing, getting good grades, that I basically wouldn't get love. And for me, I grew up in a first generation Vietnamese American household where my parents are from Vietnam. They immigrated and were refugees and basically came to the United States with a really big American dream type of a vibe, which definitely instilled in me a lot of hard work. And it also instilled a lot of beliefs for me when it came to I have to give good grades or I have to get the degrees or do certain things to be valuable to people and to be loved within the family and accepted I remember that for me, I grew up definitely as the golden child when it came to be like her and that I would get the good grades. And that was the thing that I got the most praise for. And so naturally, my subconscious is soaking in, oh, performing is the way to receive love. And for me, there has been a massive shift within that where I now really can see that it's my presence that is the value, whether even if I never put a another thing out into the world, and I'm just a couch potato, being connected to the fact that me, even if I never do a thing again, has value. Even if I go hang out with somebody and I don't do all their dishes. This was something that came up for me a lot in my most recent previous relationship where if I went to go visit this person's house, I felt as strong. I have to do their dishes. I'm going to make their bed. I'm going to take out their trash. And there is a level of doing that from a natural desire for some. But for me, it really felt driven from a place of anxiety around this worthiness piece for me that really rooted back in the experience of needing to always produce to be loved. And the ways that this has really negatively impacted my romantic relationships especially is me arriving from a place of obligation a lot of the times. I arrived from a place of resentment building because I was doing a lot of things for the person, and then they would say, I don't actually really care about this, and I would be deeply offended because I thought, what the heck? put so much energy and effort into doing this for you, but then they think, well, I never asked you to. And that is one way that the worthiness wound for me was running rampant, rampant in my life where I could not really sit still and just enjoy. And now that I'm in a new dynamic now that I is much more of a strong polarity dynamic in that my lover is very strong masculine, which naturally will bring out my feminine, which the way the dynamic looks like is he does a lot of the leading, the providing. Like my birthday was over this weekend and he planned the trip, planned all the food, the menu, went to the grocery store, planned the place, had a backup plan for the campsite if no one didn't work out and like took care of everything. And he very much so just naturally steps into leadership in that way, which naturally automatically brings me into my feminine of basically my presence being my radiant goddess, enjoyable self was the gift to him. Being able just to spend time with me is a gift. And for me, this has really triggered the worthiness wound around things because this person and other masculine strong beings in my life have reflected this. Like I just enjoy your energy and I just enjoy being around you. And so for me, I'm like, that's it. That's it. You just want me to arrive sparkly and radiate and enjoy and be present. And that's all you need for me, even though you're doing quote unquote, all of these things for me. And so for me, a large part of what has allowed me to shift this is to connect to how my presence is a value. And so this will give you our tool number one around worthiness, which I'm going to give you a little bit of preface for the tool because it will be very relevant to the rest of the tools that we'll be talking about, which If you work with me, one-on-one especially, you'll know that I give a lot of what's called emotional ingredients. It is just like how a lot of people will talk about beliefs. In my therapy land, we talked about limiting beliefs or core beliefs, right, around I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable and whatnot. And the way I think about it is we can program ingredients into what's called our creator field, which can essentially... Okay, I'm going to back up for a second. explain what the creator field is first because it's a huge piece of what how i perceive and conceptualize the work of reprogramming our subconscious Okay, so we have what's called our creator field, which in the science world is called our electromagnetic field. And this is a five to six foot bubble that is around us that is a huge concoction of all of our different beliefs, our thoughts, our daily actions, the way we go about the world, the way we feel about ourselves, other people, the way we feel about money. And so our creator field, is basically something that with all these beliefs, it gets handed out like a script to the world around us of how they're going to treat us. And so, for example, if we have the belief of I am not worthy unless I'm busy or my productivity is what makes me valuable, whatever, something around that worthiness, what that programs into other people to act out back to us is they will also expect high things of you, perhaps, or they will think that, you know, oh, like she's not that important actually because you don't even value you. So then other people also may not value you as well. Or people, the way that I really would see this when I was a therapist working with new moms, especially your postpartum moms is there is this huge thing around, feeling like nobody was showing up to help them perhaps. And while there are the ingredients, the physical actions of asking for help and whatnot that we would work on, we actually got to do a lot more of the deep inner work around the worthiness of receiving and the worthiness of necessarily not being productive in the way that society expects one to be. Whereas versus really getting bogged up in this idea that we have to be producing all the time to be valuable. And so we have our creator field, right? So it's like all of our beliefs. And so the tools that I'll be giving today are subconscious tools that allow us to program things into our creator field. And so, for example, if we plug in an ingredient, like my presence is valuable. If we have that alone, what that programs into our field is other people reading that from us where they feel like, oh my gosh, I just enjoy being around her. I just love it. And the way that this has shown up in reality for me is when I have programmed in my presence as valuable, then other people in my life happily want me in their space. And they're like, please don't even bring anything. We don't need you to bring anything. We just are so happy to have you here. Or I've gotten invitations to dance classes where the instructor is like, hey, I would love to just gift you a ticket just so your energy is there. And that is a part of what has trickled into my life where people simply just enjoy being around me, even if I'm not quote unquote busy. And before I give you, I know I said I'll give you a tool to get into a whole thing, but I just want to add one other thing on this story wise and we'll get into the tool. Something to know about if you listen to my podcast or hang out with me for very long, you know that I'll go on little bits of rabbit holes here or there and it will all wrap up together in some form. And What I was going to say is that something that this has really helped me of like healing the worthiness wound is that I have allowed myself to be in my more low energy, my messy emotional puddle of tears is what I call it, with other people. I for a long time felt burdensome to other people where if I was feeling emotional around them or I was not in my most giving state, especially when I was post-divorce and was in my major grief season of really not having a lot of space to give to other people, it really forced me to know that it was my presence, even if I was a total puddle of tears and not super functional, that people would still enjoy being around me. And so these are some of the ways that for me healing the worthiness wound has been incredibly impactful is really allowing all parts of me to show up even if I'm not quote unquote doing anything. one tool that I'm going to give you. Okay. We're coming back to it, which remember the creator field, we're going to plug things into that. So then other people can feel it too, which is how we create and manifest the things in our life is when we have the beliefs within us worked out. Okay. So the tool, what you're going to do is I call it a micro moment tool where basically what it is, is different than affirmations. Okay. Affirmations are more cognitive, like repeating a statement over and over that does not actually work for the subconscious mind because that's much more cognitive and our subconscious mind is much deeper than that of really connecting more to our emotions and so what you're gonna do is what I like to do is a note on my phone or a notebook I personally prefer a notebook or a Google Doc where I will have written at the top of it my presence is valuable my presence actually what I'm gonna change it for you it's actually gonna be my presence alone is valuable and My presence alone is valuable. So you're going to write that down. And then underneath it, you're going to clock tiny moments in everyday life that that has felt true for you. And the key is tiny moments where your presence is valuable. So I'm going to give you some examples of what it can be. And as you're writing these out, you're going to want to really emotionally connect to the feeling of my presence alone is valuable. And the way that you emotionally connect to this is you can start feeling some sensation shifts in the body. So perhaps for me, I tend to get a little teary. I may feel it in my chest. I may just feel all... little, I can just feel my shift in feeling lighter essentially. And so with a micro moment tool of my presence is about alone is valuable. Examples of that could be for me hanging out around my son and just laying next to him, not doing anything while he's playing is valuable to him. He enjoys just me being around. We may take my son, I may take my son to the park and I'm not playing with him and I'm still valuable to him. I'm still supervising. I'm still doing things. Or I hung out with my friend and I got to be low energy and they got to take care of me and it was great. Or my presence is valuable when, oh, this was a big one for me. I had a job where I felt like the meetings were the most useless thing. meetings ever where I felt like I was not contributing anything. And so it made me really grumpy to go to these meetings. And when I realized, I was like, oh, actually, these meetings are an opportunity for me to connect to how my presence alone is valuable. Even if I don't say a word in these meetings, me alone being there and just being a regulated, radiant human in the wild is what i call it that is valuable i'm contributing through my presence i'm contributing through having a regulated nervous system and so that's another example of how our presence alone is a value and this is one that i for a long time did every single day where i in the morning I would often do this on a walk personally. This works better for me, but for some people, it may be writing down these in their journal and essentially just really emotionally connecting to one, two, five. I would say it depends on, it's really more important for me that the person emotionally connects to one solidly rather than needing to get like five to 10 that you're only half emotionally connecting to. And so every single day clocking moments of how was my presence alone valuable and And this is one that has really helped me rewire the daddy issue of worthiness, is knowing that I don't have to do a lot of things to be valuable. I simply can be myself. I'm going to pause there. Any questions or anything of such nature? I'm going to take a sip of water, so I encourage you to take a sip too. Any comments as well? That's fantastic. Hi. So we're gonna carry on, but if you have any questions at any point during this, feel free to holler at me anytime. And I'm gonna chat about the second one around abandonment, which fun fact, initially this workshop started out as being called Abandonment Alchemy, where I was only gonna focus on the abandonment wound because that was the one that was the most prevalent for me at the time. And then since then I expanded it to talk about all three of the daddy issues. But fun fact, this was my OG one. And this is the one that I feel like has, for lack of better words, plagued me the most. Because for me, a little bit of history of my life is that when I was 19, I really stepped a little more into my authentic self and stood up to my family specifically. And at that time, I essentially ended my relationship with my dad completely. it was somewhat of a mutual one way ish situation is kind of complex. But during this time, my body really coded that me being myself equals people will leave because that is literally what happened. It's been 10 years and I have not talked to my dad since then we've talked, but not had a relationship of any type. And so for me, how this has really showed up in my relationships is I, contorted myself a ton to be who I thought they wanted me to be. And one example of that is my most recent ex. We were together for almost two years. And I, the big thing for me is like, I was not like before the relationship, I was not a big fan of cats. I was really not wanting to date somebody in the medical field due to my own beliefs. And I, ended up with someone who was a pediatric PA and a super cat lover, and somehow was in a relationship with this person for a long time. And that was just like a tiny little taste of our differences. We were very, I would say incompatible. And a little fun fact about it actually is that after I broke up with this person earlier this year, I used my intuition to a test. Actually, no, what I did is I made a list of 125 attributes of how I wanted to feel around or how I wanted to feel from my ideal desired romantic partner. And so I made a list of 125 things and I tallied up how many of those that my most recent ex had fulfilled. And it was only like 36% or something like that. It was horrifically low. Like it was a intolerable amount of like intolerable and unjustifiable to say the relationship. And, uh, Then I compared other relationships I was in and they were much, much higher. And so for me, this relationship was really interesting because it was my first relationship after getting divorced. And so for me, I was like fresh out of this like five-year-long situation, diving into a new situation. And I was dating several people and feeling grumpy about it. And then I ended up with this person where we definitely served a place and a role in each other's lives. And I'm so grateful for that experience. And As I have been several months past that relationship ending, I can see how much that in every single moment I would contort myself to be something that I was simply not. Like, for example, I remember, this is going to be kind of funny because this workshop is called Dom Your Daddy Issues, but I remember one time she handed me her credit card to... buy something for us. Like we were buying tickets or something like that. I can't remember what it was, but she handed me her card and I was paying for it. And then afterwards she was like, I do not like this feeling. And I asked, okay, well, what would you not like? And she shared that she did not like feeling like someone's daddy. Basically, she's like, I feel really gross and yucky in this. And I, from then, even though Even though I am very clear that I love daddy, I for sure have a daddy kink heart. Even though I know I love playing in that, like I love someone who even if someone paid for me and we ended up splitting it later, but just the act of them, like that alone I enjoy. even in that moment of me fully being aware of my desires around like a daddy energy and daddy dynamic with somebody, I was like, Oh yeah, no big deal. I don't mind that at all. It's all good. I don't really care. You know, like there was so many moments of that in the relationship that I collapsed upon myself. And that is what I really see heavy. And a lot of the clients that I work with is around collapsing upon our own authenticity, our pretending of who we are. And for me, while it was obvious in big ways that would blow up my face like that, but it was also really subtle in tiny ways, even with friends where maybe they say something that I disagree with and I just suddenly am like, ah, you know, without just actually saying what I want. And an example of how shifting the abandonment wound has been for me is that I've become someone who speaks much more clearly about what I like and what I don't like, especially right now. I am dating a little bit and I went on a date yesterday with somebody who I knew had a dog and I, again, am not a super pet person. And so for me, that's something I honestly have felt a bit embarrassed about in the past because I feel like a lot of people love pets. And so for me to just own, I don't like pets, used to be a thing that would constrict my throat even. And so this person asked like, oh, do you have pets? And I just honestly was like, I actually am not really an animal person at all. And for me, even though it sounds like a tiny moment of just saying like, oh, I don't like dogs, for me, for a long time, that really kept me back in really tiny ways where I would not speak my truth or desires by any means. Another example of how shifting this has looked like for me of really stepping into my authentic self is specifically in romantic relationships. With friends, I feel like I've stepped a lot more into myself and with romantic lovers is where my daddy issues skyrocket the most. And an example of this is over the weekend, I was expressing some emotion to my lover. I was feeling tearful and he made a comment that I felt like was dismissive. And I could tell he was trying to be helpful. Bless, bless, I know. His sweetheart was trying. And there was a process that happened within me where I was thinking, I actually really fucking hate that you said that. Past me would have just like nodded. I've been like, yeah, thank you. But now current me where I've done a lot of work around my abandonment wound has allowed me then instead to, in that moment say like, actually, I don't feel like what you said was very helpful at all, which that person received it very well. He was like, oh, okay, let me like, let's try again basically. And those were like the tiny moments in which I have really, um, allowed myself to step deeper when I'm not afraid of someone leaving me. And that felt like the worst thing for a long time is this person rejecting me. And I'm going to share with you a story of something that happened earlier this year that really skyrocketed my abandonment healing in a very unexpected way. And then I will give you a very specific tool as well. And while I'm giving you very specific tools, I'm also hoping that through my stories, there are some pieces of you that you see mirrored in it that inspires you to make subtle shifts and changes and actions in your life. And all right, the story, okay? So earlier this year, for a long time, I've been feeling like my social group, I was outgrowing. It had this feeling of this is a community that has held me for so long, for years through my hardest of times. And now I'm feeling like these are not my people actually. Like these are the people who got me here, but these are not my community that are gonna get me there. And I had this feeling brewing in me for months and months at a time. And essentially my higher self, I feel like orchestrated a whole chain of events that allowed me to make a huge purge of my social group. And essentially what happened is I posted a super controversial video that I knew would blow up the internet. There was no possible way that this would have been received well. essentially. And so I made this video, I put it out there and at first I'm feeling really good and liberated about it. And then, and then the comments start rolling. My, my followers list just was like, like just dumped. Like I could not imagine, like I have never lost that many followers in a day or two days ever and got a lot of comments and everyone was still, like no one was mean by any means, but just like a lot of disagreement. And for me at that time in my life, getting faced with disagreement was the most horrific thing ever before, where I felt like if we had disagreement or conflict, that meant that you're not gonna love me anymore and you don't wanna be with me. And so this experience of, for lack of better words, a shit ton of people leaving me, a shit ton of people, quote unquote, abandoning me. I don't really see it as abandoning me. But for that, for the on the cognitive level, I don't see it as abandonment. But on an emotional level, it felt like, wow, I'm going to reveal myself in a whole new way and you don't like me anymore. And I at this time, while this Instagram video was getting comments and comments and comments, I had such an urge to delete the video. People reached out to be like, you could still delete this if you want. And I knew that if I deleted this video, it would have just put me right back to needing to do this again in the future. Because for me, the video was not all about getting people to agree with me at all. It was about specifically getting disagreement on such a mass level that I could expand my capacity to be with that. And at this time I can intuitively test how healed my abandonment wound is. And at the time before the video, I think it was at 61% was doing a lot of the work and I got it up to like, I think like 86% after the video, because my body got to really take on this experience of people leaving me my worst fear of people thinking i'm stupid uneducated happened people left i got kicked out of dance classes i got banned from things and for me it was such a crucial moment and a pivot for who for the level of healing that i did with my abandonment stuff because for me to dive right into the biggest fear showed me that it actually wasn't even that fucking bad and i'm grateful for it because it really clarified for me my community my community now are people who are obsessed with all of me and into my expression and so for me what i'm hoping that you take away from this is that yes it's like the internal work that i get to work on with all of you and it's also these actions that we get to take and what i call dares and this is something that in a future program i do that will really dive into the practices and the actual physical actions that unlock ingredients. Because when I was talking about emotional ingredients earlier, yes, we can emotionally program them into our field and physical actions ignite ingredients within us. And so for me, doing this physical action of purposely being controversial then allowed me to unlock deeper this belief of it's safe to be my authentic self. And, okay, I'm going to pause, and I'm going to channel what tool for the abandonment wound section that I want to give you all. But if you, in the moment, take a sip, ask a question, comment if you want. Let's see. Okay, so... Again, we're going to go back to the micro moment tool where you emotionally connect to this ingredient to start reprogramming this, okay? Which this one is going to be, it is safe to be my authentic self. It is safe to be my authentic self. Oh, there's actually going to be a second one with this. I'll give it a second. And so when you are writing out, and again, this is not a just one time thing that you do. This is something that for a long time as I was actively working on these beliefs, I would emotionally connect to this every single day. Where I would, for example, with It's Safe to Be My Authentic Self, maybe it's, oh, I remember when I said that I like, or maybe, this is gonna sound like a really silly example, but for the sake of it, my lover loves key lime pie. I hate key lime pie. I hate citrus desserts. And I remember there was a moment where I shared, I was like, oh, I actually hate this. And he was like, oh, I love it. And that was a moment where I shared my authentic self and it was safe. Nothing bad happened when I shared that and or emotionally connecting to me posting a video of being totally myself online and people, it was totally safe. And this was a moment when I put out the controversial video that I remember sitting there and looking at the comments rolling in. And I remember calling my best friend and thinking, you know what? Even though there are so many people activated by me right now, I feel totally safe. Nothing bad is happening to me, actually. Like I'm not actually in danger. And that was a huge moment of me being real proud of the work that I did around programming and it's safe to be my authentic self because then it allowed me in all of my future interactions with people to actually reveal my truth, to reveal the quirkiness in me, to reveal all these different pieces of me, because I knew in my body then that even if there was disagreement, right? There's a different, there's one level of people just not being into it. There's another level of receiving you're so stupid, uneducated kind of things, right? Where it's like, wow, I can be with someone's perception and not feel deeply intertwined with all of it and to be whipped around emotionally with that. And so for me, this has been huge for arriving. And if you follow me on Instagram, I just shared earlier today where I shared a picture of me where I was wearing these like heart-shaped sunglasses. And I shared about how I had previous, my most recent relationship experience relationship where she really was not into if I wore like pigtails or I wore like I dressed young whatever the fuck that means and now I have a lover who is in love with My pick, my like French braids and like dancing like a little girl and wearing my pink sunglass, my like heart shape sunglasses, right? And for me, a huge part of healing the abandonment wound has allowed me to call in my actual tribe of people and community and friends and lovers who amplify who I am rather than people who fall in love with the version of me that's not even fucking me because I'm trying to be who I think they want to be. And so this is a huge part because like, right, dominating your daddy issues on one level, it feels nice to soften the anxiety that may come up with the daddy issues, the anxiety, the worthiness stuff. And these are the things that we get to unlock to manifest and to attract the most aligned people in our lives. And And so being able to arrive in the world fully authentic and radiant and unhinged and expressed and wild, that is what attracts your people. And for me, the last several months of really diving into this, I have really been blown away at how different my social group is now than four months ago. And it is the most aligned. It feels the most enlivening for me. And that has come from being able to express my true self and really see like who's in love with that. And that's the thing that I find that people don't really understand is that when we're not our authentic selves, because we're worried about people abandoning us, which then leads us to abandon ourselves, is that what that programs into our creator field, like I was talking about earlier, is that we're People, what they read off of your field when you're not authentic because you're self-abandoning is that they feel this sense of, I can't trust this person. They feel like something's a little off with this person. And that then is very repelling to people. that makes them want to choose something else. They would rather choose this person for the job over you, or they'd rather date this person, or you get uninvited, like not uninvited, but maybe you get just not invited to things that you want to, right? Because people just feel like something's off. And I find that one of the biggest things that gets in the way of this are the anxieties around abandonment. And so programming in, it is safe to be my authentic self is huge. Then I'm gonna give you a second bonus one for the abandonment wound, which is I am always supported. I'm always supported. So again, you're going to write this out and you're going to write down examples and emotionally connect to how that has been true in every day of life. So for example, examples of this could be, oh wow, my supervisor emailed me to check in about this. I'm always supported. Or my friend texted me, hey, how's it going? I'm always supported. I called a customer service agent today about a missed delivery on something that I ordered. Wow. I'm always supported. They tell me to take care of it, right? Like really getting to see for me, like this one has been huge of healing the abandonment wound because it felt like even if people are gone, which is never true, actually, I am always supported. So it doesn't even matter if this person leaves my life or this person doesn't like me, I am always supported by the world and then therefore by myself, right? And so that is another really crucial one that I have found for healing the abandonment wound. okay now we got number three last one is around control and trust okay so control and trust for me has really shown up lately in my relationship like i was telling talking about earlier this person has a much more strong masculine presence which puts me in my feminine right our polarity just naturally works that way which then means to me being my feminine is a lot around receiving around being led, around being taken care of, being nourished. And the little moments that I find myself wanting to overstep and micromanage him, it takes a lot of deep breathing. It's better right now, but there's been a season where it would have taken a lot of deep breaths to trust someone to take care of things. I've definitely grew up with much more of a hyper-independent gal. vibes. I don't want to depend on anybody. Like for me, when earlier I shared about my change in relationship with family, a huge thing that blew up in my face at the time was like, we did so much for you. So you really like, it felt like them taking care of me and doing things for me was used against me later to try to manipulate, control me at the time. And so for me, it's been a huge thing around actually trusting people to give to me. And so that has really led me to not trust people, to not trust that if you are caring for me because you want to, I feel like the biggest thing for me around this right now is around worries that this person is doing something out of obligation to me and so they're gonna be mad about it later. Like there is like very little room in my brain that has felt like, oh, I can just receive this with a whole heart. And so, right, if we're thinking about it from a creator field standpoint, if I have programmed in me I can't trust people. People read that and what do they may feel or how they act towards me then? They may not want to give to me, right? Because if they feel the energy from me is I don't trust you, that's quite repelling, right? And so for me to learn how to shift, and this one is a huger topic I find because a lot of the women I've worked with have experienced trauma when it comes to men specifically. Whether whether the masculine or men, as in we all have the masculine within us, so it could be any sort of person. But just these experiences in our lives that have taught us, oh, I can't trust people. People are not there. I have to do it all. find that that is a deeper topic around actually how to do that deeper healing of trust and to release all the emotions that go around that which will be something that I teach on in a future program where we have more time and energy to devote to it because I find that is one that really plagues people whereas like in their mind even if their partner or whoever in their life is in front of them who quote unquote seems like a trustworthy person or they've not done anything wrong but the body is still living in all of the previous experiences that we have had That is where we get really tripped up. And so I am going to, let's see, I'm going to channel a tool for the control and trust one right now. Let's see. Okay. So what it's going to be, it's actually really interesting. So I'm going to explain a little context for it first because don't make more sense so a lot of people that i work with especially because i used to be a trauma emdr therapist so worked a lot with women specifically through sexual trauma and just relationship trauma generally domestic violence yada yada were kind of my specialty and so there's a huge level of distrust of other people that came from that and Something that has been huge in my own personal healing when it comes to trusting other people is actually trusting myself. Because I found that when I am not trusting others, it's likely because my own sturdiness within is lacking in when it comes to my own boundaries, the speaking of my know. And I'll give you a more specific example of how this has looked like for me right now when it comes to trusting myself. So My lover and I have a very dumb sub dynamic where he very much so takes lead, where stepping a lot more into the kink BDSM realm. I love it. And it has definitely highlighted where I get to speak up more. myself and because and what i really love about kink is that there is really not much room to not speak up for what we want there's a huge level of trust that comes into that dynamic both ways for me as a sub in that dynamic there's a huge amount of trust i get to have in him right to do a whole lot of and move me around and do all sorts of things that if I wasn't more regular to myself would really trigger probably a fire flight response. So there's a level of me trusting him, but there's a level of him trusting me to actually say what I want. And I asked him a few months ago, not a few months ago, a few weeks ago, I asked what is the most scary thing for him about doming somebody in better life? And he said that it was somebody who he could not trust to speak up for what they wanted. And for me, what that really led me to understand is that his confidence of being able to step into that version of him is dependent on me trusting me basically, because if I don't trust myself and therefore he also cannot trust me to go for lack of, for to be explicit about it, more aggressive. And so, which I, which is desired for both of us anyway. So, um, Learning how to trust him in these dynamics has required me to do my own work around trusting me and my own abilities to speak up for what I want. And there was a time where we were doing a scene together where I said, stop. And he was thrilled, thrilled about it because for him, it felt like, oh great, I can trust you. And so for me, it's really building my own integrity of where I am at to trust myself, to do those things. And so the micro moment tool, is I trust myself. I trust myself to take care of myself. I trust myself to take care of myself. I trust myself to take care of myself. And this micro moment tool, what you can do underneath it is all the moments where you could trust yourself, which again, it doesn't have to be in a relationship moment that this comes up. It could also just be, oh, wow, I woke up, I felt hungry, I got myself food. I trusted myself to take care of me. Hey, someone asked me what I thought about this and I gave them my honest opinion. Oh, I could trust myself to speak what my truth is. Great. And again, it's not about just saying these for the sake of it. It's really emotionally connecting to the feeling of trust within your body, which for me really feels like the sense of groundedness. It's a sense of relaxation. It's a sense of, oh, I got me. It's really about connecting to that that will start programming into our creator field and our subconscious that, oh, I have my own back. And I find that when we have our own backs, it's a lot easier to trust others too. Okay, I'm feeling like an extra little bonus one on this one for you, which is, I want you to reflect on where the areas of my life am I not speaking my truth? What are the things that I want to say but I hold back on? I want you to reflect on that. Journal about it later, perhaps. Write that down. Where are the areas of my life that I do not speak my truth? This is important. This is one that will apply to especially the abandonment and the control trust ones, because when we don't speak our truth, one, we are increasing our own distrust of ourselves. That's a big dis to us and programs deeply into us that I'm not gonna trust myself to speak up my truth. So then therefore, why would anyone else trust me? But then it also is really pinging onto the abandonment wound because the areas in which I'm not speaking my truth or holding back, likely it's because I'm worried about getting rejected. I'm worried about people not liking it, which is very self-abandonment wound-esque for me personally, what I see in my clients as well. Really reflecting on kind of like, where am I currently not speaking my truth? Where am I holding back? And then from there, You're going to emotionally connect to times where you did speak your truth and it worked out great. And maybe when I say worked out great, that doesn't mean they agreed with you. But it's really connecting to, wow, I spoke my truth in this moment. I allowed my voice to speak even when it shakes. And it was OK. People disagreed, and I was still OK. And for me, it's been really helpful to go back and forth on these feelings around not holding back my truth. And then also the parts of me that did do it at some point, right? Because there are chances that it's been, even if it's at a restaurant, the server asks you, how do you like your food? And you said, I actually asked, ordered something else and you spoke your truth then, right? It can be any tiny moment. Again, that's why it's called a micro moment is because it's not about the grand moments where you like made a declaration of truth. It's these tiny ways in everyday life that we get to prove to our brains and our bodies that we do have ourselves. Okay, let's see anything else. Complete, yes. Okay, so that is the overview of the daddy issues that I really see prevalent. And as we wrap up here, I would love to know if anyone has any questions or comments that you want to share, any moments that really stuck out to you. I would love to hear. And in the meantime, I would love to share with you a huge fun opportunity that I have coming the way to the world, which is a program that's called The Well Fucked Frequency, which is an eight-week group program where it is all about what I'm calling going from a parched and dull to pulsing and dripping all day, which is basically becoming the woman that has done all this inner work where we can actually elevate into the version of us that people provide the queen treatment to without you even asking. It is about becoming the woman that people or simply drawn to. And this is what truly I find are the missing pieces to attracting what you want, whether it comes to your career, your relationships, because all of it is about our own internal work, right? And so with the creator field work that we've been talking about of programming these different things, the program will go deeper into a wider range of the ways that we can do our own inner work. So that way our outer reality reflects this and It is also about doing much more of the practices and that's why I really wanted to do a eight week longer program in a group format, because I find that when we get to have that type of accountability with other people and do this type of work together, it is far easier to be inspired by each other and stay on the work because it's not just like, yes, the internal subconscious programming is huge and there's also in the program will be what I call truths and dares, which the dares will be practices that I invite people to do, which will ignite the things that feel really edgy. So the things that make you kind of want to shrivel down a little bit, those are the things that I find have been the most impactful for me. And so doing that within a container setting of really going through a large variety of different modules around three ways that you are cock blocking the love that you want or the energetic secrets to a rock and sex life and huge sexual attraction. There is a large, large range that I can share on there. Actually, I'm going to, let me share with you, share my screen with you here of, you get here, he worships, the money flows, your energy gushes from muted and dry to dripping radiant, irresistible. You want some adorable pictures of me? And really it's all about radiating the kind of well-fucked magnetic energy that has everyone drooling. Damn, give me some of that. And for me, this has been a huge transformation in that I have found that It's gotten me to the place where I feel overwhelmed at the amount of invitations I get for dates in public. Like I constantly have people in public asking to meet me or they people come up to me and it's this level of where people are just drawn to me. Like I recently went to a restaurant and was sitting there and the owners came out and were like, oh my gosh, we feel like you just being out here is attracting more customers. Like being that woman that people simply enjoy the energy of and it's one that is the most expressed unhinged and it's about doing that work together. together. And so the Well Flucked Frequency is coming out in the end of, not the end of September, it is the September 8th is when it comes out. It's eight weeks where it'll be six pre-recorded modules and then two live practice calls where we get to do actual work together to really move things from our brains to our bodies and sync that in. So I will... send this all out into an email along with the recording and the replay of this later and just thank you all so much for being here thank you thank you if anybody has any questions or wanna you could you're also welcome to unmute and talk to if you are if you desire but we are wrapping up Alrighty. Toodaloo. If you have any questions or things or comments or things later on, feel free to message me on Instagram. It's a wonderful way to connect. Thank you.

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Yennhi Hoang

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