Happy Agent Co. — Real Estate Podcast for Women hosted by Lindsay Dreyer, Real Estate Coach

When to Call It Quits in Real Estate with Erica Rojek

• Lindsay Dreyer

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We don’t talk about this enough in real estate—what if you don’t want to keep going? What if the dream you thought you were building just isn’t it for you?

In this episode, I sit down with former real estate agent Erica Rojek to have a brutally honest conversation about knowing when to call it quits. Erica shares her journey from juggling a full-time job, divorced motherhood, and real estate to realizing that the industry wasn’t aligned with her happiness. We dive into the emotional toll of building a business that doesn’t feel right, the pressure to succeed, and the moment she finally decided to walk away (and why it felt like freedom).

If you’ve ever questioned whether real estate is the right path for you, or just need permission to choose a career that actually lights you up, this episode is a must-listen.

Tune in now and let’s have this real conversation.

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Speaker 1:

I am really excited about this episode because we are going to dive into something that I don't think we talk about enough in the real estate industry, which is when do you actually call it quits, when do you just realize you know real estate's not for me anymore and I am just done with it? So today, my guest is Erica Rojek. She is a former real estate agent, mom of two, who is divorced and also a power lifter, which, hello, that is so amazing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah girl get it my biceps are impressive.

Speaker 1:

I actually kind of thought they were pretty impressive. You can't see mine, but I'm working on them, so let's start at the beginning. When did you get into real estate and what made you decide to get into real estate?

Speaker 2:

So I had started my career in interior design, in commercial furniture, and then I moved into sales and during the pandemic, when you know, obviously the market got really hot and so everybody's like let's be a realtor.

Speaker 2:

But I had actually my marriage ended in February of 2020 and I moved out. Oh, wow, yeah. And so when the pandemic hit and everybody stopped going to work, I'm looking at my job selling commercial furniture, which is office furniture. I'm looking at my job selling commercial furniture, which is office furniture, selling office furniture to workspaces, and I'm like, oh damn, I only have my income now and these two kids and this new apartment. I'm going to make sure I have a backup plan. And so I thought, you know, I've always been interested in real estate. I had a good friend that had gotten in like a year prior and she was really succeeding and she was really positive about the experience, and so I thought, okay, this seems like a good fit because I could make some extra money, but I can make it on my nights and weekends, because I knew that was going to be more likely when clients wanted to go to our homes and you know kind of when the action would be.

Speaker 2:

So I'm like okay, I can keep my regular job and I can do this, and you know, and I'd also like made quite a few real estate mistakes in my time I did want to be able to like help use my experiences to hopefully keep or at least help other people guide them to not make the same mistakes that I made.

Speaker 1:

So tell me a little bit about how, in the beginning, you were balancing having your full time job, being a co-parent with two kiddos and also entering into real estate. Like, how was that experience for you, especially during the pandemic?

Speaker 2:

It was insanity. I was very fortunate because my full time job that I had was-based and I was essentially able to make my own schedule and, because of the pandemic, I didn't have to go out on the road anymore. I wasn't going out and doing lunch and learns and meetings and everything became virtual. Have a little bit more time and bandwidth to you know. Come up with. What was my plan going to be? I'm going to work on social media posts reaching out to my sphere. All of you know that sort of prospecting getting clients activities.

Speaker 2:

When I had my kids it was very hard to give anything at all, so they were home and at the time my daughter was preschool age. So the days that I had them I got nothing done with anyone. You know, like it was basically just time management, account management for my main job and then squeezing in anything that I could, real estate wise, which at the time was kind of nothing. But the days that I didn't have my kids was, you know, saturday mornings. I would sit on calls with my broker and she'd go through all of the forms with me and all the contracts to make sure I understood everything. And you know I would take that time that I didn't have the kids and couldn't go anywhere.

Speaker 2:

So to really, you know, learn the business more and listen to podcasts and read books and try and educate myself because you know the imposter syndrome can be strong. Trying to educate myself because you know the imposter syndrome can be strong, so strong. So I thought, you know, I really need to like dive into, feeling like I know what I'm talking about, so that if I do get clients I'm actually properly advising them.

Speaker 1:

What did success look like for you? So like, what were you hoping for in that first year or two?

Speaker 2:

Well, I had been told that, like, the first year of real estate can be the hardest for people and that there's a lot of people that don't even do one deal their first year, and so success to me was going to be doing at least one deal, and I did end up doing two, my first calendar year as an agent, and I was pretty happy with that. Ultimately, I felt like what I envisioned my success being was seeing my name on signs in front of houses everywhere I went. You know, like you know, there's some agents that, like you, see their name everywhere and I'm like I wanted to be that agent. I wanted to be that person that is just like, oh yeah, there's another house being sold by Erica Rojek. That's so cute.

Speaker 1:

I love erica rojek. That's so cute. I love that, like that's when I made it.

Speaker 2:

When you see my sign everywhere, everywhere you know what it was probably gonna have my face on it, or like me standing with you know, like some sort of, yeah, with your biceps, just like.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly like, here we go. Yeah, you're like, we can do it. When did you start to feel like things weren't clicking, like? When did you start to feel like, ooh, maybe this wasn't the right call?

Speaker 2:

Oh well, so all along, when I even got started in real estate, you know it's very heavily pushed by people that you know you have to go after your sphere of influence and pursue the relationships that you have with people to hopefully they'll make you know, they'll choose you as their agent or they'll refer you to someone they know and that's how you're going to get your business. And there was always something that just felt icky to me about that because I I was, I am a people person and I do have a lot of like friendships and relationships and I didn't like that kind of underlying tone that I now had in my brain that like, oh, I'm reaching out to someone to schedule lunch, not because I want to see them, but because they're now on my prospecting list and I need to make sure that I touch everyone on my list X amount of times every month or every you know few months. Like I just didn't like that because it took away my authenticity of you know, my relationships, because I just I had this like second underlying agenda of maybe they'll choose me, or even like forcing conversations or trying to say that I'm a real estate agent or you know it. Just I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and I felt a lot of like outside pressure to just like hit your sphere. That's going to be where you get your business from, and that just felt uncomfortable to me. But I was still trying to do it as authentically as I could because I didn't want to be a skeevy like car salesman, real estate agent.

Speaker 2:

I legitimately wanted to help people. I'm not a salesperson that was like, oh, I could sell ice to a penguin, like, if you don't need the ice, I'm not going to sell it to you. And that's that's the way I felt about selling houses, like I was never going. I didn't want to be someone that was going to convince you you needed to move.

Speaker 2:

You know, somebody came and said, well, I'm thinking about expanding or I'm thinking about moving, that I'd be like okay, we'll pursue what it looks like to put on an addition. You know, get a few quotes, see how much that costs, see if it gets you the house that you're looking for, and then, if it doesn't call me and I'll help you go buy one that does, whereas I think that some people would try and skew the conversation into well, you know, it's going to cost a lot of money and you're going to have to move out and you know, and I just I didn't want to do that. So all of those moments were hard. As far as developing actual client base based on my sphere, because I also, you know, I have a big list of don'ts. I didn't want to door knock, I didn't want to cold call, I didn't want to do that sort of stuff Like that all felt very outdated to me and nobody answers their doors anymore.

Speaker 2:

Like they look at you in the ring camera and they're like I don't know you Go away. Some people will actually say that too, Like some people ignore you and pretend they're not home, but some people actually tell people to go away. So I knew I didn't want that either, but as time went on I just wasn't making the progress in my career that I thought I could have or should have.

Speaker 2:

I would be upset if a friend didn't use me as the real estate agent and it would hurt my feelings and I you know I I've been in a sales role for commercial furniture. If somebody didn't choose my furniture, it's like, okay, well, we weren't in their budget.

Speaker 2:

They just didn't like what it looked like, we couldn't get it there in time, whatever you know, onto the next. But it's like with real estate you feel like you're, you're promoting yourself, and so then when you get rejected, it just it's like why wouldn't you use me? Why don't you want to work with me? Like don't you trust me? Because there's a lot of conversation around you know, you need to know, like and trust, right, that's like the three things to be the person that gets chosen and I'm like okay, well, if I know a lot of people and I think they like me, it must mean that maybe they don't trust me. And that brought up a lot of insecurities.

Speaker 2:

And so I was really, you know, wrapped up in my head about that and like, who am I as a person? Am I professional enough? Does my sphere trust me? Because this is a really big financial crisis transaction, you know, and there's a lot of emotion involved and you know, I would have panic, like I would have anxiety attacks, when I had a listing and it went live. That first day of an active listing for me was terrible because I would be so stressed out about like I hope I did, I hope I've done a good job, I hope that they're going to get offers. I, you know, like, what if they get mad at me? What if they're not happy with the offers they get, or they don't get any at all, and it's all my fault, and it's just like I would spiral. So that wasn't healthy, you know. It's just. There's just a lot of things that was pointing in the direction of like, hey, maybe this isn't the right career for you.

Speaker 1:

You brought up a really good point, though, of I think, that so many agents think it's going to be so easy to get business from their sphere because that's what we hear. We're like, oh, that's where all your clients are going to come from, and I really think it is harder than people make it out to be, because your sphere, they know you in one context and they know you as Erica the person, and to make that flip in their mind from Erica the person slash friend, slash, family, slash whatever to Erica yes, you're in that bucket, but you're also a badass real estate agent that takes time, like a lot of people don't just automatically, once you announce you're an agent, they don't just say, oh my gosh, like yes, obviously, like there's all this business. That just doesn't happen.

Speaker 1:

I feel like it takes two to three years of really consistently showing your sphere that you're a full-time, like you're doing this agent, for that to like really happen. And that's a transition that I think our industry is just we lie to agents about it Like we are not honest about how difficult that flip is. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because it it's. How do you prove to people that you're a good agent if you don't have the business to show?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly, if you don't have the business to show yet Exactly, you know.

Speaker 2:

so it's like that's where it does become. You know the overwhelming of well you should do social media posts and you know you've got to talk about real estate basically any chance you get and send emails and be a source of knowledge for them, and it's like yes, but like like it still doesn't change that everyone you know, especially because I'm in maryland, you know, outside of the dc area, everyone knows at least five agents oh, more than right, you know, yeah, I 10 yeah, and so it's just like.

Speaker 2:

You know, I had one friend that I became an agent and she was about to sell her house and buy a new house with her family and she had an agent that she had been you know, essentially she jokes abusing for the last few years where, like anytime a house popped up, she'd call and be like, oh, we want to go see this house and they would never end up buying anything. And she was essentially like, hey, listen, I've been doing this to this guy for the last few years, like he deserves our business, like I love you but we're not going to use you. And that was really heartbreaking because I'm like what do you mean? You're not even going to interview me. I could do a really great job for you, but the fact and I appreciate her loyalty to this person, but yeah, it's like your sphere isn't just handing their business over to you just because they like you.

Speaker 1:

Exactly. It's just such a misconception. I wish we could just get rid of it. It's just, it's total garbage. So I can imagine that having a full-time job, being a divorced mom and then trying to build a real estate business was just so incredibly overwhelming. What did that look like for you in terms of your time and energy commitment?

Speaker 2:

Well, the first thing that it required was delusion on my part. You're hilarious. I remember listening to a podcast. I remember listening to a podcast it was God, years and years before I even became an agent but listening to a podcast of this woman that had built a great real estate career and she had done it being a part-time agent. And she just talked about how it naturally grew and one deal led to the next deal, to next deal, to all of a sudden she had so much business that she couldn't work her regular job anymore. So she was able to quit and go full time. And I kind of used this one person's story as this like marking point of like, oh, this is totally doable.

Speaker 2:

It's doable Like business, like once it gets rolling, it will just come to me. And that didn't happen. So the energy that I had had in the beginning, like in the first few years, to balance, you know like it would. It would be me like writing down you know what are my goals, what do I need to do, how many social media posts do I want to put out? You know, scripting the social media posts, recording the social media posts, editing the social media posts, you know, like, doing all those things it's really time consuming and it's like, and then it didn't necessarily lead to business, you know, and so it became harder and harder to stay as on top of things because of that. And I did try and look at like, well, what really is getting me business, and it really kind of felt like it was just luck, like random circumstance of somebody asking me to go, like a friend asked me to go get drinks one night and she happens to be looking at moving and she's like, yeah, and I'm just not happy with my agent, can you help me? And I'm like, okay, you know, like it was just like, oh, cool, you know, but it's just like it didn't feel like I. I once had like a social media post that came back and somebody responded like oh, I would love to work with you. I'm thinking about moving. That person still to this day has not moved, and this was three years ago, right.

Speaker 2:

So it's like you spent a lot like trying to work my regular job Now my, my regular, my regular job. I had been doing it for many years, going into getting into real estate. So I'd already built a really strong business into getting into real estate. So I'd already built a really strong business. So it didn't require me a ton of hustle energy as when you're getting ramped up, so I was not using my brain to its full capacity.

Speaker 2:

There was space available for me to think about real estate stuff in my downtime and so it really was just prioritizing what I thought was going to help get me business and then also trying to listen to other people tell me what was going to get me business and then trying to do those things. But I think that it is very hard to do it all. I think it's hard to do it all even if you're a full-time agent, I think, if you have your days completely free to network and lunch and farm and record social media content. Doing all those things is a lot. Do that when I was just trying to squeeze it in to let my evenings and weekends every other week. It just when there was no return it just like it's so discouraging it is.

Speaker 1:

It's so discouraging.

Speaker 1:

It's why I wanted to do this episode, because I just feel like, just like you heard that success story of that woman who was like it's part-time and it just kept rolling and rolling and everything just got better and better and better. I think you're the norm, like she is the exception. I have seen so many part-time agents, and I don't say that with like hate or like as a diss, but it's like it's a part-time job because you have a full-time job and also children, which, oh my gosh, I can't emphasize how difficult it is and how rare it is for somebody to go from part-time to a full-time real estate agent. Success, like there's just there's this flip that has to happen and it's, first of all, I think, rare for that to happen. But then, when that flip happens, you eventually have to take that leap of faith and leave your full-time job before you're actually ready, and that is a scary place to be, especially if you don't have a second income to rely on and it's just you supporting your household. That is so scary.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it is, it is really scary. Yeah, it is, it is really scary. And I remember my very first broker said to me kind of early on in discussing going from part-time to full-time and setting a goal for when that was going to happen, cause she's like you can't just indefinitely be a part-time agent. If you ever want to be full-time you've got to set a deadline. You got to work towards it and she's like then you got to burn the boats, right.

Speaker 2:

It's the idea of you have to not give yourself that cushion, that escape, because if you do, you're going to lean on it and I 100% did. You know I didn't have to behave as though my family was going to starve, right, because I knew I had another job there that was actually supporting my household, kind of Right. And you know, I think real estate agents that this is their only source of income just have a little bit more fire to go out there and make it happen. And maybe, you know, maybe that's when they do lose all shame and all you know voices in their head of the imposter syndrome, because they're just like ignore it all. I've got to go make this happen and I didn't. I didn't have that, so I still stayed very trapped in the. I don't really have to do that, I don't really have to go like host this open house. I don't really. You know, I don't really want to.

Speaker 2:

You know, like I can do it, on what works for me. But I think that that really held me back from growing. Also, I think that was probably one of the early signifiers that I should have realized wasn't really meant for real estate, because I didn't want to do real estate activities right. I didn't want to host open houses, I didn't want to spend my Saturdays at showing, I didn't want to drop everything to show someone a house when I had other plans, right, like I. I did it because when you get a client, like I wanted to serve my clients, but I didn't like want to, you know like it didn't. It didn't light me up inside, it didn't like bring me joy. It was like, oh, this is just part of the job that I have to do, you know.

Speaker 1:

When did you start having that inkling of I don't think this is for me. I'm detesting all of the activities I'm supposed to be doing. Like when did that creep in and when did you really start paying attention to it?

Speaker 2:

Um so late last year I had some real estate business fall through. That was going to be three transactions. I, you know, was like, yes, it's going to be great, I see my credit card debt flying out the window and I get all of these cards.

Speaker 2:

You know, and you know stuff happened and those deals didn't go through.

Speaker 2:

And those deals didn't go through and I was so hurt and frustrated and upset and I'm just like I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

Speaker 2:

Right, I'm just feeling like beaten down by all of this because I feel like you spend so much time trying to pour in to a business that you're told will eventually return on your investment. You know, with all the clients that I worked with that never ended up buying. You know all the time that I spent marketing and you know doing free workshops, or you know postcards to send out to neighborhoods and it's just like and here I am like business, just somebody will still just walk away from you without thinking twice about what you've put in to helping them and the time and the energy and the effort, and they just don't care. I also didn't know what I was going to do for that extra income that I needed, right, right. So it's like I reached a breaking point where I'm like people really don't give a shit. You know, like you think that you build a relationship with people, people that you know and they will still just do something else with no regard to your wellbeing, right.

Speaker 1:

And it's just you know.

Speaker 2:

But I was still like, oh, I got to stick this out because this is my only other. Essentially, I visualize it as an open door. It's my only other open door to income and I need the supplemental income right now. But what really was the kicker for me like the whole reason that I ended up leaving the industry is because I yeah, what was the nail in the coffin? Yeah I had been so frustrated, but I was sticking it out because I'm just like I. I'm not a quitter. You only fail when you quit.

Speaker 1:

So I'm not, I'm not gonna fail at this and I'm a stubborn asshole no, you're just listening to all those toxic podcasts, right, because it's just like it just keeps being like you can do it, just keep doing it.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and it's like that's what I thought. I'm just like at some point it's going to click, at some point it's going to happen. But I was just upset all of the time and stressed out all of the time and just unhappy and it just felt so weighed down all of the time. And my current broker, who is a boutique brokerage that was kind of just getting up and running in the last few years, sends me a text message and is essentially like hey, we need to talk about your future at this brokerage. And I'm like are you breaking up with me because I'm a part-time agent? And they're like well, no, not necessarily, but it just seems like you're not able to put in the time and the energy into real estate that you really need to. And you know we need to part ways. And I'm like okay, I'm like part ways. And I'm like, okay, I'm like all of a sudden I saw, oh, maybe this is my chance, maybe this is my moment, like, maybe I get out. But then, like the fear came in, right when it's just like no, you, you need to have this opportunity for income. You need to like look at all the time you've put in. Look at all the money you've put in. Look at all the things you've done put in. Look at all the things you've done. What if you're just on the brink of greatness? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2:

And so I thought to myself like, okay, well, I've always done boutique brokerages. Maybe this is the time that I go. You know, I have a friend at EXP that's always told me I could, you know, work with her. I've got a friend at Compass that you know has a team and told me I could come work with her. I'm like, maybe I explore the big brokers and every time I thought about joining a friend I knew that I would want to show up for them in a really great way.

Speaker 2:

And everything inside of me was like but I don't want to show up, I don't. I don't because they're going to initially hand me off the buyers with all the showings and all the open houses and literally all the things I don't want to do and I'm like I don't want to do real estate activity. And I was just like I don't want to do real estate activities, I don't want to do the work. It is just I don't and I finally just kind of like it all washed over me the opportunity to walk away without hurting anyone, without offending anyone, without you know, actually being a jerk. I could just stop this right now. Right, my license is about to renew. Just don't renew it. Just close this door, right? Just let it be done, because you're not happy, it's not lifting you up, it's not bringing you joy, you don't think you want to do this full time anymore, so what are you even doing here? My broker at the time was kind of like let us know, you know where to send your license, essentially. And I'm just like don't.

Speaker 1:

I'm done, yeah, I'm out, I'm out. I'm really proud. I'm really proud of you, Because I think so many people just keep going. All that toxic advice of just it will click eventually, just keep doing it, just keep going. And in real estate it is really easy to just like kind of keep it going, you just renew your license, you renew your realtor membership, you hang your license somewhere. You just kind of are like I don't know, like if something happens, something happens, but I think it was brave of you.

Speaker 1:

I think it was really brave to just be like. You know what this isn't for me. I don't want to do these activities and like I think that so many people probably more agents that really need to quit Like I think there are a lot of agents out there that are miserable, they hate doing the activities they're maybe selling five to seven houses a year and like they're just like I hate this, I'm miserable right now and they really probably just need to quit. So I'm wondering for those people out there that are having the same feelings as you, the same thoughts in their mind of like I hate this, I don't want to go on another showing. If I have to go on another listing presentation, I'm going to vomit. What advice would you give them?

Speaker 2:

to just let this be a chapter in your story, you know, to let real estate just be an experience that you have, that you tried and that it's okay to walk away from, because, living in the, I'm about to become great. I feel like there's opportunity to be great and just be great and find something that, like, truly suits you and lifts you up and makes you feel good, and you're never going to have the space for that in your life if you're holding on to this.

Speaker 1:

That is incredible advice to this. That is incredible advice it's. It is really just. That was a chapter. It didn't define you. You're not a failure.

Speaker 2:

It just it is something you did and now you are done with it, just like anything else, yeah because, like I really thought about, well, maybe I keep my license and I do like just referrals, right, because, oh, I've put in all this time.

Speaker 2:

What if I have generated something and people call me like I want to buy from you, and I have to say like, oh, let me refer you to someone else At least then I could get a cut of that. But like that then reverted back to my feeling about using my relationships to like my personal gain is like I don't want that, I don't want to just live in this land where I'm still an agent, just so I can take 25% of somebody else's work. I'd much rather just not be an agent, not be licensed, be done with it and moving on. And if somebody that I know calls me and you know says they want to buy or sell with me, let them know like I'm not doing that anymore. But I have these three amazing people that I think you'll be happy with any one of them and like, and it ends there, it's not, there's no kickback, there's no nothing, it's just these are good people, go work with them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so tell me about how it feels now that the door is closed. It feels really good.

Speaker 2:

I had become sort of unaware of how inundating the real estate industry is and how. You know cause I was following all the Instagram accounts and I was signed up for different emails and I've done the coachings, and so it's just like I had this. Just I got to go through and unsubscribe from so many emails not yours but I unsubscribed from like all the marketing and content emails and all the coaching emails. I unfollowed all of the coaching accounts and you know like I just unfollowed and unsubscribed from so many things and it felt so good, so good. It's like this whole portion of my brain just became available to me again, because it wasn't thinking about when am I going to get my next transaction? How am I going to get my next client? Am I doing a good job? Am I working hard enough? Do I really know what I'm talking? Like it just right.

Speaker 2:

I'll shut off and went away oh, how freeing is that it, is it really? It really is.

Speaker 1:

So freedom, that's like freedom right there.

Speaker 2:

Yes, it is, and you know, I get I get it, I think, the sort of the fear that can come in about. Well, where, where is your supplemental income going to come from? And I kind of just decided like I don't care right now, because I know that this is not for me and it's not helping me get to a better place. And you know, one of my favorite quotes is everything you want is on the other side of fear. And so I think that when I can recognize that I'm making a choice, because I'm afraid is like when I need to make the opposite choice and that's what this was and you know, I'm not going to be afraid of where's the supplemental income going to come from. I'm just going to embrace, for right now, the space that this has created for me to, you know, do other work, whether that be finding a new time, like a new full time job that pays better or, you know, building a different business that I might enjoy.

Speaker 2:

You know, I don't know, I don't care. I just know that real estate wasn't for me and I'm so glad to have closed that door.

Speaker 1:

I am so incredibly happy for you because, again, so many people probably need to make this decision or at least really take a hard look at do they really want to be in real estate. So I'm just happy that you've made it to that other side. You made that decision and then you've made it to the other side and you're looking back at the closed door and it feels good because ultimately, isn't that what this is all about Like we all want to just feel good. Like we want life and business to feel good. We want to enjoy it. We don't get that much time here on this planet and like you, gotta love it.

Speaker 2:

Gotta love what you're doing. Yeah, Suffering doesn't need to be part of our daily lives. Be part of our daily lives, you know? No, it definitely doesn't.

Speaker 1:

So it definitely does not. Do you have any final?

Speaker 2:

words of wisdom for our listeners. I would just say don't be making decisions out of fear. You know, if you're staying in the industry because you're afraid you don't know what you'll do otherwise, don't let that be what keeps you stuck. There's lots of other opportunities out there, and I think that we are all great at certain things, and I think that we just have to give ourselves opportunity to try things and, when they don't work, be okay with letting them go, so that we can, you know, actually find our flow and stop trying to swim upstream.

Speaker 1:

I think we're going to end on that. That is excellent. I am so grateful for you coming on today, being vulnerable, sharing your story, because it really is something that I feel like is not talked about enough, and, ultimately, I'm all about people building lives and businesses that they love, whether they're inside of real estate or outside of real estate. So thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

People on this episode

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Lindsay Dreyer

Host