Love & Real Estate: What It’s Like Being Married to a Realtor

To celebrate 13 years married, I’m replaying a listener-favorite: a candid conversation with my husband, Andrew, on what it’s really like to love (and live with) a real estate agent. We talk about the unpredictable hours, money-time tradeoffs, redefining roles at home, and the trust + communication it takes to build a life—and a business—together.

In this episode, we unpack:

• Time works differently in real estate — why “money hours” (negotiations, deadline sprints) change calendars, weekends, and vacations.
• Roles that actually work — ditching default gender scripts for a flexible, strengths-based partnership.
• Stop forcing “normal” — how trying to fit a realtor life into a 9–5 mold breeds resentment.
• The upside of embracing it — freedom, big swings (hello, month-long trips), and shared wins when you play the long game.
• Trust & boundaries — how discipline, systems, and clear expectations make love + listings coexist.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:34

So today I have a very special episode for you . This is actually a replay from Valentine's Day , because today is my husband , andrew , and my 13 year anniversary . Yes , it has been a wild ride , so I thought , to celebrate , I would replay our episode where I interview him on what it is like being married to a realtor , which , honestly , is a challenge a lot of the time . So , without further ado , here is the episode . I am so excited because I am here with my life partner ,

Valentine's Day Replay: Anniversary Special

Speaker 1 1:08

andrew , and we are bringing you a Valentine's Day special with my boo .

Speaker 1 1:13

I wanted to do an episode on . I wanted to do an episode on the things that Andrew has learned being a non-real estate spouse . We've been together for 16 years , which is bananas , and I have been a real estate agent for almost 21 . So we definitely , I think , are a good example of a real estate relationship . You've had many real estate widowhoods on the weekend and the nights , so hello .

Speaker 2 1:47

Hi , a pleasure to be joining you today . It's probably worth actually pointing out on the front end that anything I talk about is an experience being a cisgendered man married to a cisgender realtor woman , and so I have a feeling a lot of this stuff probably doesn't shake out the same way if you're like a more like trad wife married to a husband who's a realtor , who's also a primary breadwinner . But I mean , I also think that's kind of the fun .

Speaker 1 2:13

So Right , okay . Well , we're here because we are empower women who are going to step into their CEO era . So we're going to guess here that these women are like bosses , like they're they're CEOs of their business .

Speaker 1 2:29

So , let's just go under that assumption . I

Time Works Differently for Realtors

Speaker 1 2:32

mean , I'm going to go under that assumption because that's what I am , all right . So let's talk about . You have four lessons for us , or four things you have learned about being a real estate spouse or partner . And you , first of all , I know you love to talk and I love that about you , so , like you're , I call him my Austropedia , because he knows everything . And you have four things that you have learned , or four takeaways , and I'm really excited to get into them . So the first one I'm going to go ahead and let you dive into that .

Speaker 2 3:07

Sure , I think the biggest adjustment coming into a relationship with a realtor and then having spent 16 years with you , is that realtors look at time differently than the rest of us . Moguls and kind of what I mean by that is , I think the vast majority of us work Monday through Friday , you know , eight to five or whatever , and that's just not the reality of being a realtor . You know , not only are the hours non-traditional , but they're also unpredictable . And I vividly remember you and I going out to lunch at I think it was like a Chinese place in Manchester and the table there were two tables over for us . There was a woman talking on her cell phone and a man sitting across from her staring glumly down at his food and a man sitting across from her staring glumly down at his food .

Speaker 2 3:59

And I could just tell Like I knew that . Look , I knew that dinner . I knew exactly what was going on . That was an act of negotiation and she was haggling it out in the middle of their date night . And I think that's like . The first takeaway is that you have to be very aware of the fact that realtors just look at time differently . The hours are not only unique but they're unpredictable . But more than that , the amount of money they make per hour they spend while working is so wildly different than the rest of us .

Speaker 1 4:38

Right , especially like active negotiation . That's like oh yeah like a million making time like a million dollar listing .

Speaker 2 4:46

You're probably pocketing close to a thousand dollars for every hour you work on that listing , right , and that's just .

Speaker 2 4:55

I mean I'd like to think I'm fairly successful and well compensated , but like I'm not in that level and I frankly know very few people that are so that recognition of how much different that truly is , it's hard to understate , it's hard to overstate and it's one of those things where you know you tell somebody oh yeah , I work weird hours , they go , yeah , okay , fine . Those things where you know you tell somebody oh yeah , I work weird hours , they go yeah , okay , fine . And they're like no , but you don't understand their hours are very , very weird . And so you kind of have to be flexible on that front but also recognize that it opens up a lot of opportunities . And because it's not just hours , it's also calendars , right , like you know , the nine to five job tends to come with two days off once a week and two weeks off for vacation . Obviously , that's not the realtor lifestyle . Plenty of realtors can be successful and productive working three or four days a week , and then they can take months off , right .

Speaker 1 5:53

Or they can go on vacation and sell a house .

Speaker 2 5:55

Yeah , one of the one of the things I found this was less you and more of the agents in your brokerage , but it was like they had an amount of money they wanted to make and once they made it , they just sort of checked out for the rest of the year .

Speaker 1 6:09

I don't recommend that as a strategy .

Speaker 2 6:10

No , it was a bad strategy , but I mean it was like I vividly remember you grinding your teeth in December because you had like million dollar leads coming in and like everyone was like , well , I'm done for the year , I'm filled up . Yeah , good , I'm all right . So I'm , like you know , wrapping presents at home by myself and you're out doing listings , but hey , it was a great close to the year so I know I couldn't believe that really , like you , guys , don't want this I'll sell the house myself and so , yeah , like that's like one of the , I think , most empowering parts of the job is that it allows realtors to kind of almost check out of society , which is wild .

Speaker 2 6:52

Like there's just not that many jobs . I mean , I I guess , like you know , linemen that go out and repair power lines after storms , like they kind of have like a life like that , I guess , uh , there's just not a lot of jobs that do that , and and because it is so outside of the rest of the economy that I don't know that most people really appreciate how incredibly different it is . Because it's , you know , it's like I said , it's one of the things where you hear it and you're like , oh yeah , I get that . It's like , no , you don't , you don't really get it . It's , it's so , so , so much different than than you even think .

Speaker 1 7:25

Yeah , I think like you're really trading time for money , and there's this calculus that has to occur not just with you as the real estate agent , but it also has to occur with you , with your partner and your family , like is this worth taking five ?

Speaker 1 7:45

hours away from family time or time with my husband and like that's definitely a calculus , that like came into play . That was very different than when I was just single , lindsey , because I remember I'd be showing homes like 11 pm and it was not a big deal . But once I had a husband and once I had kids it like totally flipped the script .

Speaker 2 8:00

Well , I mean , we were , you know , when we were in DC and we lived next to a couple , one of whom was a realtor as well , and I remember talking to the husband about the fact that his husband wasn't there at this party on a Sunday and I was like , oh , let me guess he was like he's like , oh , let me guess . He was like yeah , yeah , yeah , he's going to open houses with a client . I was like , oh , I get that . I was like , did he give you like the speech ? And he says , what's the speech ?

Speaker 2 8:22

I was like , well , lindsay was like it was like terrible when we first started dating , because it'd be like yeah , I really want to spend time with you this weekend , because I worked Monday through Fridays . I want to spend important to me , you are a priority , and if it is important to you that we spend time together this weekend , then that is what we shall do . However , the clients I'm going out with are looking up to $1.5 million and so , therefore , if I sell them a house this weekend , that's $50,000 I can put in my pocket and we can go to Mexico for two weeks . So I will leave it to you . Would you rather me spend the weekend with you here on the couch , or would you like me to go make $50,000 ? That's manipulative . Yeah , you are horrible .

Speaker 2 9:08

And so , yeah , and that's just the worst part is is like , yeah , I'd argue it is a little manipulative , but it's not wrong , and that's like I think kind of the problem is it's not like it's a miscommunication , it's not like it's a structural choice , it's just the nature of the job . It's facts . Yeah , it's facts . It's just that it creates a set of imperatives that are unrecognizable , and it can be a little challenging not to resent the realtor for the realities of their job .

Speaker 2 9:43

Those are the facts of the situation . You didn't create them , you didn't manipulate them . It's just the way it works . And so , even though I might be frustrated with that kind of thing , it's not really fair for me to get frustrated at you . It's just the nature of what you do , and so truly embracing that level of difference is a challenge . But I think once you can rise to it , like you realize there's some immense upsides to it . You know , like I said , like the thousand dollars an hour stuff , or the fact that you can literally go on month-long vacations and not sacrifice your professional output . There's so much freedom .

Speaker 1 10:25

Yeah , we would come up to our vacation house a lot for a month at a time , which was so cool .

Speaker 2 10:32

Yeah , and I think it's one of those things where working remote's great , but if you're both working remote from your vacation house , there's a limit to how vacation-y it feels . But like the fact that I could work remote and you didn't have to really work at all was was amazing . It truly felt like a real vacation and that's , I think , like something really special and precious .

Speaker 1 11:23

Yeah , that is really cool . As you were talking , I was thinking that , like you do have to have trust in your realtor partner that they are being considerate and putting boundaries around their time . Like you kind of have to have a trust that they're not just like working all the time to work all the time .

Speaker 2 11:42

Yeah , I mean , I think , I mean I think that's just as somebody that's not a realtor but I feel very like exposed to the , to the life , like I think that's one of the things that's really challenging about , like I couldn't be a realtor , and I think the reason is because it requires an immense amount of self-discipline to not lose yourself in the job .

Speaker 2 12:01

Like I don't know of many jobs where you can literally work yourself to death . You can do that as a realtor . I also don't know of as many jobs where you can embrace it as an identity and not make any money , right ? I mean , no , I'm really . I know realtors . You know realtors everybody listening to this knows realtors where they don't actually sell any houses , they're not actually doing any prospecting , they're not actually doing any market research , but they just tell people they're realtors and then they like kind of like drive around and drink coffee .

Speaker 2 12:29

And so I think , realtor , saying you're a realtor is like saying you're an entrepreneur , like yeah , the bar is stupendously low , but the barriers to success are incredibly high , and whereas , you know , it's very hard to become a lawyer , but like , once you are a lawyer , there's sort of like a limit to how much of a fuck up you can be , and like a realtor is the opposite .

Speaker 2 12:49

It's extremely easy to become a realtor . It's very hard to be a good one , and that puts a lot of pressure , I think , on realtors to treat themselves as professionals versus having it be like a cozy identity they can , just as an excuse to not actually doing something with their lives , and so the discipline required to say nope , I'm going to . I am going to work my sphere from 9am to 1pm Tuesday , wednesday and Thursday , and then I'm going to preview some open houses Thursday and Friday . And you know , having that kind of like a cadence to your life , Like I think it's really important , not just because I mean that's how you become a successful realtor is having that level of discipline , but it also allows other people in your life to start to see it as a job that it is Like . I think it would be a lot harder for me to be as understanding around your need to be 24-7 available during active negotiations if I didn't also see you putting in the like base level background work , um , that had to happen .

Speaker 1 13:53

Yeah , like I'm treating it like a real job yeah , yeah , it's so , it's the .

Speaker 2 13:57

I think it's kind of funny because it's I know it's the part that realtors don't like to do , but it's the stuff that they don't like to do that not only generates a platform for future success , but also allows other people in their lives to see it as a profession that it is versus . You guys are just waiting for lottery tickets to drop out of the sky Because it can look like that .

Speaker 1 14:17

It really can sometimes , I know . Okay , so that's point number one , which was their relationship to time and I would even say money kind of changes a little bit . All right , let's go to your point number two .

Speaker 2 14:30

Ah , yeah , heteronormative goes out the window . So I know that in friends that I have , where both the husband and wife you know cisgender normative stuff they're both in the workforce and at night , you know , the husband does the little projects or contacts the contractor to do the update to the bathroom and the wife cooks dinner , um , and then they both lay down and go to sleep at 10 o'clock at night and then wake up the next morning , get dressed and go to the office . Like that's just not how life looks with a realtor . Um , the cause , a lot of things change . Change like you handle all point contact with contractors , right , um , and that's so funny . And the few times you don't , it does not , does not go well , like at all .

Speaker 1 15:20

and so there's negotiation involved . I'm doing it .

Speaker 2 15:22

Oh yeah , no , no , like um the uh . Oh yeah , we'll get to that one in a second .

Speaker 2 15:27

But like yeah , it's sort of . So I think what's interesting is that being a successful realtor forces you to be very good at conflict resolution , be very good at contract negotiation and really understand home mechanics . I mean , it's kind of like

Heteronormative Roles Out the Window

Speaker 2 15:44

home ec on steroids in a way , and so , as , like you know , the quote unquote man in the relationship like I'm , you know , if I want the bathroom to be changed , it doesn't make sense for me to call a contractor because I'm not going to know what the right plumbing fixture is , I'm not going to know the right price . I mean .

Speaker 1 16:03

I'm not going to know what kind of plumbing we have .

Speaker 2 16:05

Right , it's like it's white , and then when you poop in it , it like makes it go away , and that's the extent of I truly don't know the brand of toilet we have in our house and so um , like , and , and that's the thing , it's in a typical relationship that the relationships that I've seen it's the men that run point on all of that , whereas the women run point on the more traditional domestic stuff , which is laundry and cooking and shopping .

Speaker 2 16:31

But and here's the weird part that stuff the laundry , the cooking and the shopping those are daily tasks , whereas a lot of home maintenance stuff is more strategic tasks , and so the daily tasks have to be done daily , regardless of the circumstance . So it actually doesn't make sense for you to run point on shopping and cooking , because you might be pulled into a listing presentation , you might have to go on a showing , and so , whereas you're now far more qualified to deal with a lot of the more traditionally male activities in a relationship , I have to get better at the traditionally female ones , because I can't expect you to be home at night to cook dinner every night , like .

Speaker 2 17:17

I can't expect you to be able to have the time to , like you know , do the dishes in the evening or put the kids to bed , and so , like you know , our , our gender roles , on our relationships don't look like normal gender roles .

Speaker 1 17:31

Um and you know it's pretty fluid .

Speaker 2 17:34

It's very fluid and so like it's a little odd , because it's like , at the drop of the hat , I have to be Mr Mom , um , or I have to be Mr Bob , and you have to be Mr Dad , exactly , and um , but there's , there's wonderful upsides , like I mean , one of my favorite memories about being married to a realtor was when we were looking at buying that car in DC and I re , I forget what the car was , but I remember it was in an infinity and we go and we test drive it . And I was like , yeah , I kind of like this car . And the salesman was this like kind of pudgy 50-year-old dude and he sort of slaps me on the shoulder and he's like , well , why don't you and I go in the back and we'll go talk numbers while the little lady gets a cup of coffee ? And I remember just smiling and saying , oh , that's not how this works , I don't talk numbers , I'm going to go get a cup of coffee . And then you and he disappeared into the back room and then 10 minutes later later you came out and the guy was like sweating , his tie was undone and he was breathing heavy . No , no , no , but you're just screaming and you're just like , yeah , we couldn't get there on numbers . And it was like I , yeah , it's like I don't even want to know what you did to that poor guy in that back room , but like I think you took 10 years off of his life , um , but you know , we didn't .

Speaker 2 18:43

We didn't buy the car because , like I don't deal with the negotiations , because why the hell would I ? You do this for a living . You're way better at it than I am , and so , yeah , I think that's . The other piece is just how you , just in the same way , you have to let go of your expectations around how time works . You have to let go of your expectations with how genders and gender roles work , because , but it's not a sacrifice you have to make , it's an adjustment you have to accommodate , because , like , once you do let go of it , like it's not , like I want to do negotiations , like you're better at them , and because of that fact , we purchase properties for less , we buy cars for less , like I can point to actual dollar savings that you were able to wring out of processes that I couldn't , and so you know , yeah , so sweet to hear yeah .

Speaker 2 19:34

So , in stepping back and letting you run point on that , it makes for a better life for us to lead , like if I were to hang on to those tasks out of some antiquated notion of what my role in the relationship is . Um , then , like we wouldn't have these savings . Um , instead , I go home and I bake sourdough bread for the kids sandwiches I mean , you also know how to like take apart a jeep .

Speaker 1 19:57

We have a few things well , I guess that's actually .

Speaker 2 20:01

That's actually kind of probably a good point too . Like when I was younger , I mean I did build a jeep from . I used to smoke Marlboros , I used to , I used to drive , I used to be a whitewater raft guide , and so I feel like one of the reasons I'm so cool with not giving a shit about gender roles is like I was so over the top in my like early twenties around , like being a dude's dude , like that . It's like there's nothing left to prove . Like I've owned Miatas proudly , because , after you've built your own Jeep , like there's nothing left to prove on that front .

Speaker 2 20:39

So yeah , and so because , because I'm very secure in that , because I've already had access to that , like it was very easy for me . So I'm not saying it's it's , I'm not saying it's easy , and I could see how , if you didn't have that experience as like a cisgendered male in your earlier years , it might be hard to feel comfortable like walking away from those expectations now . But I'm very lucky because I already was able to live so high off the charts on one hand , that letting go of all of it now and just you know , being the guy that you know tucks the kids in at night and bakes the bread for the sandwiches in the morning , like I'm fine with that .

Speaker 1 21:15

I got nothing left to prove . Well , I love you for it . Your flexibility and just not needing to be the man of the house is like one of your best qualities , to be honest . Honest , you're super flexible and you're just a really great life partner . All right , so heteronormity out the window . I think we got that one nailed down . Uh , all right , what's point number three for you ?

Speaker 2 21:40

um , you can drive yourself crazy trying to make a life with a realtor look like a normal life , and I've , I've seen it happen . Like I think back to that guy in that restaurant staring glumly at his plate . I know it was really sad . I almost like just went and put my arm around his shoulder and be like I feel your brother , I've been there , but the reality is that , like if you try to treat a realtor like a typical woman , it won't work and it can .

Speaker 1 22:14

You just set yourself up for disappointment I've seen it backfire too with agents that have been at my brokerage , where the husband is not okay with their wife being a realtor . And just again , going back to point number two , it's like they wanted her to play a particular role and they wanted to put that round peg in a round hole , but that hole did not accommodate who , that woman was and I think it's .

Speaker 2 22:41

I think it's like a hard time in our society where I feel , like the last 20 years , like at cultural level , women have been

Breaking Free From Relationship Expectations

Speaker 2 22:50

given a path to self-actualization that is independent of others . Right , like we now have a concept I mean , it's not widely adopted and there's always challenges and let's not talk about an election but like there is now at least a . There is an archetype , there's a model for a woman that lives a full and complete life in isolation . Like you do not need a man for fulfillment . You might want one and some people might prefer one .

Speaker 1 23:13

Oh , I , I like , I like mine .

Speaker 2 23:15

Yeah , I'm a keeper , I'm into mine , but , but it's no longer necessary . And I think the one of the um and I think one of the challenges is I think , in a large , large way , what society expects of men is actually still defined through their relationship with other people , not in a good or healthy way , right ? Like you know , sexual dominance is like part of a masculine identity thing and like that's bad , but like it still implies that there's at least somebody there that you're dominating . And so I don't know that there really are great archetypes for men where they can get a sense of fulfillment or can look to a role model and say I don't need someone else in my life to reach that level of success else in my life to reach that level of success . Even the real , the high-flying tech , bro types things , they're never alone . You always see them with the supermodels . Even the ones where it's not equal , even the ones where it's abusive , there is still someone else there .

Speaker 2 24:28

And so when you're with a realtor who can like up and disappear at any moment because they're going to go make $50,000 in the next four hours , there's not really a place to put that , I think , in most concepts of masculine identity that I have exposure to . And so if you are trying to make your life with the realtor in your life , with the realtor in your life , fit really any archetypical relationship dynamic that I'm familiar with , it just doesn't work , and so you wind up with resentment . Um , because , you know , not only is the wife not playing the traditional gender role of you know , meeting you at the door with the next drink and the home-cooked meal , especially when you introduce kids right when you introduce kids .

Speaker 2 25:20

Yeah , it's like what , like , once you realize that like she's just never gonna be able to be that person , um , like , she's just never going to be able to be that person , um like there's just no .

Speaker 2 25:30

I mean I'm sorry to interrupt , but then add in like she might make more than you like yeah , you know , it's kind of funny , like I actually I don't know that that's as big a thing as it might seem . I I because I've seen realtor relationships blow up too , and I don't because the thing is you guys don't make money like normal people .

Speaker 1 25:52

We aren't normal people .

Speaker 2 25:53

No , I mean , like every two weeks I get a little piece of paper that feeds my validation because it has a number on it and it's a fun number to look at , and you don't get that every two weeks , like now .

Speaker 2 26:05

Every you know few weeks , you get a random piece of number a random piece of paper that comes out of the blue and has an astronomically high number , but it's like at no point , like I still don't know what you make every year . I don't think I've ever in our 16 years together , I don't actually think I can name a point in time where I could tell you how much money you made over the course of a year .

Speaker 1 26:27

I mean to be honest , I can't even tell you Because it doesn't matter . Even after my taxes are done .

Speaker 2 26:33

It's such a fuzzy number because A it happens at random , so the money coming in is unpredictable and all over the map and you guys carry so many expenses that it's top line . The money that my company pays me I put in my pocket . I don't have to go out and then spend dollars on Zillow leads to go get another paycheck .

Speaker 1 26:51

There's a whole profit loss involved . It's not a straight salary .

Speaker 2 27:00

So I've often thought that the issue that men have with realtors and feeling threatened by realtors is less around the fact they make more money , because , even if it's true it's not like you necessarily are exposed to that , I think it comes down to they're not playing the role that society tells you they should play and they're not around , so you can't play the role that society tells you you should play , and so I think it's easier to resent realtors for their absence than it is for their income . And so yeah , and that's the problem , it's like if that's important to you or if that's what you're looking for in a relationship or in a dynamic , like it's just not going to work because the nature of the beast means that you're just not going to have those cards to play .

Speaker 1 27:42

Mm-hmm , if you're listening to this and thinking , I wish someone would just help me figure this out . That is literally what I do . I offer one-on-one coaching for agents , team leads and brokerage owners who want a business that actually fits their life no trendy tactics . That actually fits their life . No trendy tactics , no burnout , just clarity , systems and support . Book your free discovery call at happyagentco . Slash coaching Also . Link is in the show notes . Now back to the episode . It was fascinating . We just got into like masculinity , femininity . So you're so deep , I love you . Okay , one more point .

Speaker 2 28:31

Oh , yeah , yeah , so um .

Speaker 1 28:34

Point number four .

Speaker 2 28:35

Well , this is sort of like the happy note to end on for all three .

Speaker 1 28:38

This is like the cherry on top of that on Wednesday , Sunday , yeah , I mean .

Speaker 2 28:42

I think it takes , I think , a certain amount of strength . It takes a certain amount of courage to truly embrace the fact that it's just not going to be what anyone you know you yourself , society , your parents told you . Your relationship is going to be like your . Your relationship will never work the way others do or your life or your life , yeah , or yeah exactly , or your life .

Speaker 2 29:08

It's just , it's just not in the cards , it's not going to happen , um and like . Once you accept that and I'm not saying it's easy because it's hard and I can see why I really understand . I never struggled with it personally , but I can definitely see why other people would and I don't resent them for that . I mean , that's another , I think , important thing to point out , which is if your spouse or your boyfriend is like struggling with coming to grips with this , it's probably worth being a little bit patient and recognizing exactly how much of a shift or how much of a change the lifestyle

The Amazing Upside of Realtor Relationships

Speaker 2 29:49

asks of him , and recognize the fact that he might not be he's probably not aware of it , like . It's easy for me to say this with 16 years of experience .

Speaker 1 29:57

When you met me when I was a realtor . So like there's also that where you've been , maybe you've been in a relationship and you become a realtor and that person's known you before realtoring oh yeah , that'd be horrible , right , it'd be so hard .

Speaker 2 30:09

God , yeah , yeah , and so I think that's like the key thing is is , like you know , having a little patience would probably go a long way , and recognizing that the , the , the guy in your life might not even be aware of why it's so uncomfortable and certainly won't be able to articulate it , um , and so like having some patience on that front or having a therapist . Having a therapist that'd be a good niche is like a real therapist you all need it . Oh so bad that seriously would be a good match they don't need help .

Speaker 1 30:40

A realtor health crisis in our country right now a realtor relationship coach . That'd be really cool , would be really cool , but maybe do you want to do it .

Speaker 2 30:47

We could do it together , that'd be fun but no , and so I guess what the point of it is is that , like the first step is really the biggest and really the hardest . Like you got to make this huge jump . You got to walk away from everything that like society has told you that you should be , that they should be , that you what . You're sure you have to walk away from a lot of stuff , but once you do , there's all this insane upside . Like I don't particularly like negotiating for cars . You view it as like a recreational hobby , I know . So it's like , all of a sudden there's all of this heteronormative work that like , yeah , I might've found some masculine sense of fulfillment and performing , but at the same time , like I felt like I enjoyed it . And so once you get used to it , you're like , oh sweet , I don't have to do this anymore . That's awesome . Taxes I don't know how to do taxes . I wouldn't even know where to start with your numbers . So this is great .

Speaker 1 31:36

I'm so glad you're not involved .

Speaker 2 31:39

Oh my God , that would be a terrible idea . Or , you know , or like vacations , like , yeah , like when we were talking about going to like Denmark for six weeks with the kids , like that's . I mean I can't even begin to imagine how disruptive that would be for the folks out there with , I mean God , could you imagine , especially in like a trades job where you couldn't go remote ? I mean , like that kind of stuff is impossible , it would take years of planning . But for us it's like an impulse move because of the nature of your work . And so I think , like with anything , there's always this tension between the comfort and safety of the known and the thrill and the potential of the unknown .

Speaker 2 32:19

Like that , I think that's part of the human experience . Is like , how do you balance those two things ? And just recognizing that being with a realtor is a is a conscientious step into the unknown and it does require courage and it does require adjustments . But once you make that commitment very , very early on in the relationship , the backend is all upside , you know , because once you get over the fact that , like , you're not going to look like a traditional guy to your friends , um , you know now , from from that point on . It's all you know . Denmark for six weeks and impulse purchasing .

Speaker 1 32:57

Getting a 32-foot RV .

Speaker 2 32:58

Buying a 32 . Well , no , the one that really got me . I talk about it with the kids because I worry that the kids look at our lives as like how normal people live and they just don't . But you know , when I was and we talked about this too when I was out of college and waiting tables at one point , and I would take my tips and I'd bring them home every night and I'd tuck them into this plastic cup I had on my desk and I'd really hope by the end of the month there'd be enough cash in the cup to pay the rent and pay all the bills . And I'd like tuck the little dollars . And I remember the feeling of the cup .

Speaker 2 33:28

And then when you had the guy come into your office and asked to sell this property and he said , asked you what he could get for it . And you said , listen , if we , you know , if we make some upgrades , you can get x , if we just stage it , you can get y . And if you're cool with z , I'll write you a check right now . And the guy's like , done , write it up . And you just impulse , purchased this house and and then we bought the house and then it needed a new faucet .

Speaker 2 33:52

And you asked me if I could go install it and I said yeah , and I go to the home Home Depot and I'm in the car with this new faucet and this riding shotgun and I'm driving around the neighborhood and then it hit me . I didn't know where the house was and we were both on the deed right . This was a house I owned and I had gone from stuffing dollar bills in a plastic cup to pay the rent to literally misplacing a house that I owned and that was . I think that was the point where it really hit me about like this is just not how normal people live .

Speaker 1 34:23

You just have such an immense amount of trust in me . I just think that's so sweet .

Speaker 2 34:27

Well , I mean . But the thing is is like why wouldn't I trust you with real estate decisions ? True that .

Speaker 1 34:32

Right , you're in healthcare . I trust you with our health . Yeah , exactly , I picked the health insurance . Get that .

Speaker 2 34:37

Yeah , that's true , like um , and so yeah , like , yeah , I mean , obviously trust is important , but like , yeah , like I said , once you get there , like it's really what I think with a lot of relationships it's the first part , that's the fun part , and then it kind of gets more challenging as you go . And I think in real estate it's the other way around the the hard stuff beyond , like the third date , the hard stuff is all front loaded . It's the back end . That's amazing . And so you sort of have to have the courage and the patience to like , take the long view and then enjoy the ride on the back end . And so , yeah , that would be my takeaway .

Speaker 1 35:13

These are so great and like I just think that it's kind of fun to let people in , because I do talk about how real estate can build your dream life . And again , we don't always go on these rides by ourselves , solo , so it's been fun because you've been along for the ride . And it hasn't always been smooth , it has definitely been bumpy , but I think at the end , like you and I are so incredibly I hate this word , but blessed to like live the life that we live , and I really think so much of it is not only real estate , but it was also .

Speaker 1 35:49

you were such a good real estate partner .

Speaker 2 35:51

Oh , that's sweet , I like that .

Speaker 1 35:53

And so I . There was a major motivation for , like I know we were just chatting over lunch and I'm like we have to record this podcast episode because I think that we don't talk often enough about the support system behind the realtor and people always ask me how do you do everything that you do ?

Speaker 1 36:12

And I say I have an incredibly supportive partner at home and if you don't have that like , it's very hard . I think it's not possible , but it's very hard to build your dream life through real estate if you don't have support at home .

Speaker 2 36:29

I mean I , if , if there was a , um , a woman in a relationship whose husband expected her to be a traditional woman , I don't , I literally cannot understand how that would work if she was enjoying even a modicum of professional success . Right , like it , just it just isn't . I mean forget . Like women can't have it , all kind of stuff , like it's just not possible .

Speaker 2 36:55

Like no , the mental load , the time like the hands the energy demands and it's like , and how they would , how they would hit at the same time , like I mean , it's not even like there's not enough hours in a day , it's you just can't be in two places at once , like

Building Your Dream Life Together

Speaker 2 37:07

it . Yeah , I think that's that would be brutally hard , brutally hard , um , and so I think that's the , that's the , the potential and the peril is being able to explain to the , the man in your life around . Listen , this is going to require a lot from you , but , like , let me tell you all the cool parts about this , because there's quite quite a few there are really quite a few .

Speaker 1 37:31

Well , thank you so much for jumping on the happy agent co podcast . You are an amazing partner and I couldn't have done any of this without you oh , that's cute .

Speaker 2 37:41

Happy to help , as always . I love you . I love you too .