How to Set Boundaries with Buyers (Without Losing Deals)

How do you set boundaries with buyers without losing deals or sounding like a jerk? In this episode of the Happy Agent Co. Podcast, Lindsay Dreyer breaks down how real estate agents can create better buyer boundaries, improve client communication, and stop being available 24/7.

If you’re a real estate agent who feels like your buyers are running your calendar, texting late at night, changing their criteria every five minutes, or expecting constant access to you, this episode will help you create a more sustainable buyer process.

Lindsay shares practical strategies for setting communication boundaries with buyers, using a strong buyer consultation to set expectations from day one, and qualifying clients so you’re not pouring top-tier energy into people who aren’t actually ready to buy.

This episode also dives into the mindset side of real estate agent burnout, including people-pleasing, fear of losing clients, and the belief that being “always available” is what makes you a good agent.

If you want to build a real estate business with stronger systems, better boundaries, and less chaos, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn:

•  How to set boundaries with buyers without losing business 
•  Why so many real estate agents struggle with buyer communication
•  What to include in your buyer consultation to set expectations early 
•  How to communicate your working hours in a professional way 
•  Why being “always available” is often a systems issue, not a service standard 
•  How to identify buyers who are truly ready, able, and willing
•  How to use proactive communication during the transaction to reduce buyer anxiety 
•  Why stronger real estate systems and boundaries lead to a better client experience 

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Transcript

Welcome And The Real Problem

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Hello friends, this is Lindsay Dreyer, your humble host. I am also a real estate coach, mom of three, and brokerage owner. And I just believe like real estate just doesn't have to be this hard. So welcome. If you are a first-time listener, hello, hello. If you're returning, would you drop me a review if you're listening on Apple or Spotify? That would be so appreciated. Let's dive into the episode. So I want to talk about something that a lot of people in our industry don't want to say out loud. They don't want to admit it, is that most agents are actually really bad at setting boundaries. And I think that that is definitely part and parcel because we are a commissioned base job. Um, but I also think it's because we just don't really know any better. Like somewhere along the way, like we were trained to believe that our availability equals our value. And that if you're not responding at 10 p.m., somebody else is going to. That the agent who answers the fastest wins. We hear it all the time with the speed to lead. How many times have you heard that ingrained where if you don't make contact within five minutes, you're totally screwed? So we all just answer every time, at every hour, to every question, every email, every text. And especially with buyers, it can be a lot. And it might even be for buyers who may or may not ever write an offer. And then we sit back and we wonder, like, why am I so tired? So today we're talking about setting boundaries specifically with buyers, what that actually looks like, why most agents resist it, what happens to your business and in your life when you actually do it. So let's talk about why is this even a problem? And I want to talk a little bit about why boundary setting feels so damn hard in a buyer relationship. And it really has to do with the fact that buyers are different from sellers in one extremely important way. With a listing, there's typically a clear beginning and an end. You get the listing, you do the prep, you get it under contract, you close. With buyers, it can feel endless, especially if you're in a market, which I think is probably most of you like this one, where people are searching for months, they're constantly changing their criteria, they get cold feet, they come back, they leave again, they come back, they look at 30 houses before they find one that they want to write an offer on. And the entire time you feel like you are on call. You're available for like their late night Zillow text of like, oh my gosh, what do you think about this listing? Or the calls that start with like, I don't know, I know that this is fandom, but we weren't really looking in this neighborhood at all. And I know you we what said we wanted a four-bedroom, but really this one's a three-bedroom. And we like, I think we all understand that this is just part of the job. And some of it is, and I get that, but there is a difference between being a great agent and being available at all hours, every single day, for every question. One is professional, and then the other is just a boundary problem in disguise. This always available culture in real estate is so pernicious. And I think it's just reinforced by where we buy leads from, right? Because they want us to essentially give the best service and be available 24-7 because that's what's going to drive people back to the portals. Um this also involves a little bit of fear. So we all have FOMA where we are scared of losing a client. We have the fear they're gonna go and work with somebody else, or there's a fear of looking like you don't care, or disappointing your client. And I think like a lot of real estate agents are actual people pleasers in disguise. And this is really hard for a lot of us is saying no or setting boundaries, pushing back even a little bit, because we want our clients to be happy. We want to do a good job, we want to give them the best amount of service. But when you start to get your real estate business at scale, where you have 15, 20 buyers that you're working with, it really is like a full-time job that never turns off and also has no guaranteed income. And it is a recipe for burnout if you do not have boundaries set. I want you all to hear this is that being available 24-7 is not giving great service. It is a symptom of not having a system and not having boundaries that you have communicated to your clients. Let's dive in to what boundaries actually look like with buyers. I want to get practical because that is like the goal of this podcast to me is I want this to be practical, have information that you can actually use and take away. So when I say set boundaries with buyers, I don't mean you're unreachable or you stop caring about them, but I do mean building real structure around how you work and communicating it clearly from day one. So here's my tips on how you can make that work. The first thing is the buyer consultation is non-negotiable. There are probably some of you that are not doing a buyer consultation when a client comes to you, and that is a massive mistake. This is the single most important boundary that you can set with a buyer before you ever even show them a house. And yes, you should do the buyer consultation before you show them a house. And this isn't a quick phone call or a quick Zoom. This needs to be a real meeting in person or on Zoom where you are setting expectations, you are explaining your process and how you work, and you are establishing how you work together as a team. So many agents skip this. So most of them are getting an inquiry. They're like, I want to see one, two, three, Main Street. They print out a buyer agency agreement, hopefully, if they are abiding by the rules and regulations. And then they're off to the races, they're off showing that house. And then they spend the next three months managing someone who has not been educated on what the process actually looks like because no one actually told them. The consultation is where you take control of the process professionally, warmly, and without apology. Like this is my process. And if you want to work with me, here's what you can expect. This is not like bullying them, it's not being a jerk, but it is educating them on here's how I work in my business. So, what do you cover in a buyer consultation? You're going to go over what your process is, what timelines look like, what communication expectations are, and what specifically you need from them. Also, we're going to talk about communication hours without making it weird. And I think that that is a big one, which is the communication hours are actually a business decision. And this is honestly where I get the most pushback from agents that I am coaching. They're like, I can't, I can't do this, Lindsay. I don't even know, like, I can't tell my clients when I'm available what if they need me. And I hear you, I really do. But here's what I have learned after 20 plus years of being in this business is your clients actually don't need you at 9 p.m. They really just want to know what to expect. So if you clearly explain what to expect and give them an option to opt out, then you are in the clear. You can always lean back on. Remember at our buyer presentation, we chatted or when we first met, because I'm not going to use that jargon, right? Remember when we first met, I discussed my working hours and you said that that would work okay for you. Um, if that's change, I understand. But unfortunately, like this is how I run my business. So you have the right to run your business the way that you want to run your business. And if you have working hours, like you should be communicating that. And it's not necessarily going to be okay with everybody, but it is going to be okay for the right clients. And those are the clients that are going to respect you as a professional. You do not have to be available around the clock 24-7 to be a top-producing, successful real estate agent. Just does not have to happen. When you have a clear communication window and you tell your buyers what it is up front, they really respect it. I've found over the years that the agents who are the most reactive or the most available, they're often the ones whose clients actually feel the least taken care of because that agent is always firefighting. They are always acting like everything is an emergency. So I want your nervous system to take a little beat. I want you to be able to rest. I want you to be able to have some downtime. And we do that by communicating what our hours of operation are. So, what does a realistic communication hours look like? What does a realistic like hours of operation look like? It really revolves around your life and what works for you. I'm gonna give you my example. So my business hours are Monday to Saturday, 9 to 4 p.m. And then I check in again at 6:30 to see if there's any urgent requests. If there are no urgent requests, I will respond the next morning. And urgent requests are negotiation deadlines, putting in an offer where there's a deadline, um, something where there's actually a time urgency involved. So if there is no time urgency, then I will respond at 6:30. Now I do assure my clients that if we are in active negotiations, we've put an offer in and we're negotiating through the afternoon, evening, I'm not going to just check out. That is an urgent matter because we want to make sure that we get them their house. But the frequency with which that happens is actually not that often. The other thing is we teach our clients how to treat us. So if you have communicated your working hours and then you don't stick to them, those are messy boundaries, those are sloppy boundaries. So you need to make sure if you are setting those boundaries, you are upholding them. So if someone emails or texts you at 8 p.m. and it is not an urgent request, then you are saving that for the following day. Now, I don't know about you guys, but I use my text and my inbox kind of like my to-do list. I like to deal with an email as soon as it comes in, or I like to deal with a text as soon as it comes in. So what I'll do in those instances is scheduling becomes your best friend. I will schedule that reply to go out to them at 9 a.m. the following day, or I will like send that text and schedule it to go out at 9 a.m. the following day. If you are truly just like sticking to your working hours, like I personally just like to clear the deck at like 6 37 and then I'm like relaxing for the rest of the night, but I'm not responding to anything that isn't urgent in that time frame. I will schedule it to go back during my normal working hours. This is a practice. It is hard. And maybe like it definitely like shifts as you go. So you need to just figure out what works for you, what would be your ideal, practice communicating it, practice keeping that boundary, holding that boundary, and then see how it feels. Maybe you realize, you know, I might need to shift these times around. That's okay. These are not set in stone forever. They are set in stone with that particular client. So I think when you get clear on when you are available, your buyers know what to expect from you. You are treating this like a business and they honestly trust you more, not less. So diving in to another piece of the buyer consultation is qualifying buyers before you invest your time. And this was something that took me a long time to fully accept is that not every single potential client deserves the same level of your energy. And that is not being rude, but that is literally just business. A buyer who has been pre-approved, knows what they want, is ready to move in 60 days, is a different relationship than someone who is just looking with zero financing in place and a vague timeline of, I don't know, maybe this year. Both of those people definitely deserve to be treated well. So I'm not saying you should be like rude to the person who's kind of like a little more fuzzy, but they do not deserve the same amount of your time and energy. And learning to tell the difference early on without be feeling guilty about it is one of the most important things you can do for your business. I like to ask questions at our buyer consultation to figure out if someone is ready, able, and willing. And essentially, I am really only investing my time and energy with people who are ready, able, and willing. Now, I may be helping them in terms of getting them to a place of being ready, able, and willing. So let's talk about ready. Ready means that they are in a living situation where they can make a move. So there's no lease that has to expire. There's no house that necessarily has to sell. Like they could pull the trigger at any point. Able is financially, are they able? Can they do it? Have they been pre-approved? Do they have cash to purchase? Um, have they sold their house that they need their equity out of? Do they have a bridge loan? Are they able? And willing, this one's a little bit harder and this is tricky. And I think with experience, you start to realize are people willing? Is do they actually want to? Are they willing to? And you know, like if people are out writing offers, touring, they're really serious about their search. This is a little bit more of like an art, I think, to identify the willing. But those ready, able, and willing buyers, those are the ones that you need to be investing most of your time and energy in. Now, are you going to just ignore people who are ready and able but not necessarily willing? Not necessarily, but you are going to put them in a different category of nurture where you're like, all right, so maybe I will check in with them like every month or so. I'm not gonna be like hitting the pavement with them touring property every weekend. So I know some of you might be like, well, Lindsay, what if I get someone who's not ready, able and willing? You have to know what you're gonna tell that person. So for me, I will say, don't typically start touring property until you are two months from your lease expiring, or until we have your house under contract, or until XYZ. This goes back to explaining how you work. So you just tell them what your process is. Like I typically am not touring property unless you have a pre-approval letter from a lender, because looking at homes you can't afford is the saddest thing on earth. No one wants to be looking at things they can't afford. It's not fun. So you just have to know how you're explaining it to people. And again, it doesn't have to be rude, like what I just told you. That's the that's not rude, but it is real. Like, I'm not going out with you if you can't write an offer on something. So have your explanations like ready in your back pocket if somebody is not ready, able, or willing. Now let's get into another point in the process where boundaries tend to creep, which is mid-transaction. So this happens every once in a while. You're in a transaction with a buyer, you're under contract, and you did your buyer consultation, you set your communication hours, you qualified them, and then you're under contract. And then suddenly you're getting panic texts at midnight because they went into Chat GPT and uploaded their home inspection report. And Chat GPT is like, this place is a hot mess, and now they're spiraling. So here's the thing: transactions are stressful. Like buyers absolutely get scared. That is real, and it is your job to be that calm, steady presence for them. You are the steady ship in the storm. Um, but calm and steady does not necessarily mean available at all hours for every single fear that crosses their mind. You are not a therapist that is on 24/7. The agents who are best at this, they are proactive communicators. They send updates before their buyers have to ask. This is so important. If your client is emailing you a question before you address it, that is a sign that there's something in your process where you are not being a proactive communicator. So you set your cadence, like I'm checking in with you once we're under contract every Tuesday and Thursday, or I'm checking in every day during the inspection period with you. So you're setting your expectations on that timeline at your buyer um process, but then also once they get under contract, you're sending them a reminder of here's how this works. And this alleviates it the anxiety in most people. Are you still going to get the text at 10 p.m.? Absolutely. But those clients aren't going to be mad if you respond at 9 a.m. because you are holding firm to those boundaries and those working hours that you set up initially in your buyer consultation. This is the God's honest truth is that the agents with the most reactive, hard-to-control buyers are usually the least proactive communicators. So I really believe that if you fix the communication, you get proactive about your communication, you're going to fix the hot messness. And I know this is true. I just absolutely know it's true from experience. I know from seeing hundreds of agents, like in practice, it is 100% true. If you fix your communication, you get proactive about your communication, you fix the chaos. I want to spend a few minutes on the mindset side of this because everything I just said, you're probably nodding your head, like, yeah, sounds logical. Like that makes sense. And most of you don't want to be answering texts at 10 p.m. tonight. Like I know that. So why do we have trouble with this? A few things. The first is we were trained by our industry that hustling, being available all the time, responding to everything within a moment's notice means that you're sacrificing, and that sacrifice means that you're successful. If you are not grinding, you are not serious. And if you have boundaries, you must not want it enough. And that is flawed thinking. The second thing is that for a lot of us, especially women, we our availability gets tangled up with our worthiness. That being needed really feels good. And saying no or having needs for ourselves feels selfish. We feel guilty. So we stay available because deep down we're just not sure like we're worth choosing. Like we need to choose ourselves. If and if we're not choosing ourselves, like and not being infinitely accessible, it means that we aren't doing a good job. And the third thing I want to say when it comes to mindset is that honestly, we're a little bit scared. We're scared that a buyer is going to go to someone else. We're scared that we'll miss the deal. We're scared that this business we've worked so incredibly hard to build will somehow evaporate if we take off a Saturday morning. And that's just not true. Like the business that requires your constant, unprotected presence to function is not a business. It's a job with unpredictable hours and no paid time off. And I think we all deserve more than that. So here's your homework for this week. I want you to look at one thing, just one thing. I want you to look at your buyer process and find where you could add some structure. I know for a lot of you, it could be just actually doing the consultation. You're either skipping it or you're keeping it too loose. So I recommend starting there. Write down three things you want every buyer to know before you show them a single house. I want you to write down how you communicate, what you need from them, what the process looks like. And that's the beginning of a real buyer consultation, and then you can build from there. If you're further along and your consultation's in a good spot and that's not the issue, look at your mid transaction communication. Are you being proactive or reactive? Are buyers texting you because they're anxious. Anxious, or are they texting you because they're informed? And one of those is definitely a you problem, and the other one is a them problem. But I want you to be able to know the difference. And if you're listening to this and you're like, I know I need to do this, but I don't even know where to start with my business overall. That's a totally different conversation. And this is where coaching can really help. So if you want to learn more about coaching with me, you can go to happyagent.co slash coaching. Setting boundaries with buyers is not necessarily about being less available. It's about being intentional about when you show up. It's about building a business that works for you. And I know we, most of us, honestly, got into real estate to have freedom to do work that you love on your own terms. And that really is still possible, but it requires you to be the one that decides how your business runs, not your buyers, not your phone. You. You get to decide. If this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it and leave a review if you haven't already. It really helps more people like you find the show. I'll be back with another episode next week to help you build a business you actually love. Until then, stay happy.