Deep Dive Dialogues with Dan Woerheide

Overcoming Self-Doubt: How to Conquer Self-doubt & Show Up with Confidence

• Dan Woerheide • Episode 16

Share episode

Send Dan a Text

Ever feel like you’re not ready to coach? Like you need more experience, another certification, or some magic moment of confidence before you start working with clients? You’re not alone.

In this episode of Deep Dive Dialogues, I break down why self-doubt shows up for so many coaches—and, more importantly, how to move past these. I’ll share:
- The real reason coaches struggle with feeling “not good enough”
- How to reframe your experience and own your expertise
- Simple action steps to build confidence and stop waiting for permission

If self-doubt has been holding you back, this episode is your wake-up call. Confidence isn’t something you wait for—it’s something you build. Let’s dive in.
Links & Resources:
Email me at Dan@Danw.us (Mastermind or Feedback)
Podcast.danw.us (Leave a voicemail or subscribe)

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to Deep Dive Dialogues. I'm your host, dan Warheide, and I'm going to ask you just to bear with me. Today I am a little under the weather. We had an interesting cold spell here in Florida and I guess it's caught up to me personally. I'm going to do my best to get through this episode. So I have written out a fairly decent draft that I'm going to do my best to stick to so that I can push through this one. I hope that I don't have to interrupt with loud coughs in your ears or any of that stuff. If you hear some pauses, it's likely that that's where I've gone. I'll try and edit those out.

Speaker 1:

But if you've not had a conversation with me about podcasting, I do very little editing of my episodes. I believe in just keeping it real and doing what I can to offer steady improvement along the way. Today might be a slight regression digression, I don't know. Anyway, let's get on with today's episode. So I want to talk to you today about overcoming self-doubt. In a previous episode I think it's episode number 11, you can go back and hear my thoughts about imposter syndrome. Overall, I don't believe imposter syndrome is a real syndrome as we see it in the entrepreneurial and coaching world today. I think it's misused, overused, and if you want to hear more about my thoughts around that, I encourage you to go listen to episode number 11.

Speaker 1:

Today, I really want to focus on the self-doubt side and how you can take action in the midst of that self-doubt to continue to pursue your goals. We want to talk a little bit about why this is a common struggle for many coaches, consultants and entrepreneurs. And yeah, so let's dive right in. First of all, why do so many coaches struggle with self-doubt? I think there's a number of reasons and I'm going to go through them briefly. But I think first and foremost is this belief that they need some sort of credential training or more experience, and we spend time thinking that we need those certifications or more trainings before we're ready and I'm using air quotes as if you can see me. I'm not on video so you're not missing out, but I am using air quotes, so I'm just going to tell you about it until we're ready, right?

Speaker 1:

The truth is, coaching isn't about having all the answers for anybody or anything. It's about guiding people to finding their own insights and their own answers, and by asking good questions, you can often lead people to finding the answers that they already have inside of them. I had a recent conversation this is a separate thought ties in, I think but at a recent coaching conversation with a client about offering accountability. Now, I'm not an accountability coach. There are people out there who you can pay to offer specifically accountability, but that's not my style. I structure my sessions, however, to include a piece or a sense of accountability between sessions and between sessions. It's not my focus or my style to offer check-ins, for instance, to ensure that you're working on your goals. If you're not, and we discover that or uncover that in our next session, then we might have to have a different conversation. We might need to then uncover what the misaligned priorities are and find out what it is that you really want, because there's some indicators there. So it's a good way to just dig in and if people are looking for accountability, that may be a flag or an opportunity to dig deeper with them. I think that's what I wanted to say with introducing that additional thought Again under the weather, bear with me, but next thing is that many coaches find themselves focusing on weaknesses instead of strength.

Speaker 1:

We often underestimate the unique value of our individual perspectives and our collective experiences from all the things that we've done that we bring to our coaching. So if you want to reframe this, you can remind yourself that you don't have to be the expert, the ultimate expert. You simply need to be just a few steps ahead of the person that you're wanting to coach, and even then that's not always the case. You don't have to be ahead of someone to help them uncover their own insights. You just need to have a desire to be extremely curious about who they are, what drives them, what makes them light up, what is their dream and what are their goals. How can you work with them to uncover what they need to do to achieve those?

Speaker 1:

And this, by the way, ties into the next one, which is this belief that you need to be further ahead to help others. So it's continued, and many people assume that you need to have a six or seven figure business before you're able to help others achieve more in their business. And the truth is that people will relate more to those who are just ahead of them on the journey and, again, that's not always accurate. This is one of my favorite ones. But not enough reps, not enough conversation. I've said it many times, but confidence grows from real interactions, not thinking about real interactions. If you're struggling with self-doubt, get out there and have more conversations, have more coaching conversations and be willing to learn from every interaction. And be willing to learn from every interaction. It's not always going to go perfectly, it's not always going to go the way you'd envisioned it, but you have an opportunity to learn from every interaction.

Speaker 1:

The problem here is that often, fear of rejection is stopping you from taking those specific, intentional actions, and to combat this, I would suggest focusing on something like how many no's you can get to invitations and to your coaching sessions. Whether it's free or paid doesn't matter. A yes simply then means you have to get another no. So set a goal like 50 or 100 or however many no's is comfortable for you in a month and strive to achieve that number. And again, every yes you receive means you have to get one more no to replace it. Getting the no's out of the way first does lots of things for you as well. There's some great sales books around this, but it helps combat the many potential rejections and allows you to uncover more of the you behind the fears you're experiencing. Every rejection, you can examine what the feelings are that come up and how you need to shift your mindset or what you need to address in order to continue to take the next steps. So I see that as an opportunity all the way around.

Speaker 1:

Closely related to rejection is the fear of judgment what will my friends say, what will my family say? Or what are the people in social media going to think? Oh, my goodness, how many of you experienced that right? I talk to people all the time who are not wanting to put themselves out on social media because of what others might think or how it might feel to seem salesy, right To talk about. I'm now coaching and this is my profession. But if you were a painter, you would probably throw out that you have availability to paint a house or a fence and you'd be more likely to put that out there. So why, when it comes to coaching, does this tie in? And again it goes back to that rejection piece. It's simply accepting that rejection is a part of it. It's a part of the process. We need to work through all of those feelings around that rejection and the only way to do that is to take intentional action.

Speaker 1:

Not everybody, remember this, not everybody is your ideal client anyway, those people who might judge you or reject you, that just means that right now you're not the right person for them. That doesn't mean that a year down the road or three years down the road, they're not going to come to you with a challenge because you made an offer, you made it clear how you might be able to help them. And they might come back and say you know, hey, I remember you were coaching. Do you still do that? Because I've got this challenge and I'd love to talk to somebody about it. And even then, if it's not right for them, if you're working from a place of kindness and curiosity and looking at how you may serve them to the highest capacity, they're going to remember that conversation either way, even if they say no to you, and the chances that they run into somebody who's experiencing exactly what you might be able to help them with increases. And that is how you create a referral-based business is continuing to build those relationships through conversations, through invitations, through coaching and making it known that these are the ways that I might be able to help you. And making it known that these are the ways that I might be able to help you. There was a good verbal pause, right. So remember, not everyone is your ideal client and that rejection is simply part of it.

Speaker 1:

Another reason is that we often lack evidence or proof yet of our coaching. So this is especially true for people who are new to the business of coaching. You might be a first-time coach and feeling a little unsure because you don't have those client testimonials or you haven't created those big transformations yet. The solution here get started. This is what I've been saying. Offer practice sessions, Offer paid sessions, it doesn't matter. Get started, start coaching. You have to coach your butt off. Track your wins Every little win adds up and build belief in yourself, and the only way to do that is to take the intentional action to start getting those results, to start learning those lessons. This is a big one.

Speaker 1:

The comparison trap, comparing your beginning to someone else's middle Social media has exasperated this concept. It makes it extremely easy to feel like you are extremely far behind, and I want you to remember one thing Every coach, every business leader, every entrepreneur that you follow on social media that you admire, started with zero clients at some point. Pause for effect. So how do we overcome this self-doubt and build confidence? I'm going to give you just a couple things to take home today that will help you with this. Start with reframing your experience. Instead of saying I'm not ready and working on more training or working on some course or any other thing that's moving you towards the idea of perfectionism, try this. I have something valuable that I can offer right now.

Speaker 1:

Reflect on past wins and moments where you've helped someone, even informally. It doesn't have to be related to your coaching, it could be from previous career experiences or work experiences. Just start reflecting, and I encourage you to capture these reflections in writing. Whether it's digital or paper doesn't matter. You'll keep a journal of these reflections and I'll come back to that point in a second, but you want to pull those out, to identify those reflections on all of those little wins, those moments that you've helped somebody achieve more or feel better, and I want you to consider shifting your focus from yourself to your clients.

Speaker 1:

A lot of us tend to focus on self and what we need from the business of coaching, and when you do that, it's transferred to your clients, your clients, your potential clients, your prospects, whatever you want to call them. They feel that, and it makes it even more difficult. You want to call them. They feel that and it makes it even more difficult. But when you make your focus about their transformation, then the pressure of being perfect suddenly disappears. So I want you to simply think about how can I serve this person today? How can I serve this person so deeply that they walk away from this conversation wowed that they remember this conversation far into the future? How can I serve this person today? Take action, even imperfectly, imperfect action. Confidence doesn't come first, it's a result. Confidence comes from taking intentional action. Action creates confidence. Did I drive that one home? Start coaching again. I'm going to say it start coaching, more coaching. Offer free sessions, offer paid sessions. Start engaging in conversation. Start asking questions of your social media followers. If you're on social media, start creating new conversations. Just go out and have conversations and start coaching your butt off now.

Speaker 1:

Caveat to that I always recommend and the people that I work with that they incorporate a process to seek permission first in their coaching. And, depending on what training you've received, you've probably heard this, but if you're new to the world of coaching and maybe you've not taken a specific course in coaching itself, there's nothing wrong with that. If you have a skill set that you bring to the table. I encourage you. If you have experiences that you're able to contribute positively to someone else's personal or professional growth, I encourage you. There's no requirement currently in the coaching world that says you have to have some sort of certification or degree or any of those things. Now, do I encourage it? Yeah, absolutely. I always encourage continued personal and professional development and, as a coach, that's one way to achieve more and more in that realm, but not a requirement. So get out there, start coaching. Limit your comparisons. We talked about that on social media.

Speaker 1:

Inspiration is great. It's good to look and see what people might be doing, but if you're constantly finding yourself comparing yourself, that creates a sort of paralysis and stops our growth. So I want to tell you to stop stunning your own growth. Look for inspiration, if that's what you're wanting, you know. Look for topics or ideas of things that you might talk about. Especially if you're a podcaster, for example, you can share what other people are talking about and what your reflections are of those topics. That's a great way to find inspiration. But when you find yourself making comparisons about what others are doing that you're not, or what you're doing that they're not, that may be a place that you're going to want to avoid. Focus on your own growth and the people that you're meant to help, not those other people.

Speaker 1:

All right, I told you I'd come back to another point, and that's creating a proof bank. I mentioned that I want you to journal or consider journaling your small wins, how you've helped people in the past. And now I'm going to suggest that you start tracking every win, every piece of client feedback, whether they send you a text, whether they send you an email, social media message or maybe they tell you in a session. Write it down. Breakthroughs, even casual conversations where you've been able to make a positive impact. Write them down. Start tracking every little win. This builds real evidence that you are making a difference in someone's life. Then I want you to take that, print it out, pull it out of your notebook whatever. Put it in a file for safekeeping that you can easily access so when you find that self-doubt creeping in, you can refer back to the wins file and recharge, reset, refocus and get out there and start coaching.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I think I have hit most of my target topics. Talk it so, um, and I'm thankful that I took a cough drop and I had some nice tea before this episode so that I could hopefully get through all of it and I'm not quite done. Don't leave. Leave just yet, all right. So recapping Self-doubt is normal, but don't let it stop you. Self-doubt doesn't need to stop you. Confidence comes as a result of taking intentional action. So here's an actionable challenge for you After you get to a safe place, if you're driving, or after you finish listening to this episode and hit follow or subscribe just well, I'm not kidding but sort of write down three people that you've helped, whether it's formal or informal, and what the impact was that you had in that person's life or in those three people's lives, then I want you to reach out to one person today and simply start a conversation.

Speaker 1:

Now, there's some rules here. If you've listened to previous episodes where I talk about my approach to coaching, I'm going to give you a couple guidelines. This isn't about creating a client. This isn't about inviting someone to a coaching session. This isn't about money. It's not about a transaction. It's about the person that you're going to start a conversation with and it's about starting a new conversation with them, whether they're an existing connection or not. It's simply about starting a conversation. So reach out to one person today and start a conversation. The only way remember this, the only way to build confidence, is to continue to show up and continue to do the work. Now, I think that's most everything that we talked about today.

Speaker 1:

I want to share a couple more quick things with you. First of all, I would love it if you would send me an email, dan, at danwus, or visit my podcast website, podcastdanwus, leave me a voicemail or send me a note, whatever it may be for you, whatever's easiest. There's a simple little voicemail tab on my website, and I'd love to hear from you what your biggest self-doubt struggle is with you on social media. No, that's not what I meant to say. Two separate thoughts. I'm so sorry, but I want you to share your biggest self-doubt struggle with me and your biggest challenge with social media with me. Either of those would be fine. If you'd share both of those, I'd be grateful. If you haven't yet subscribed, you can go to my podcast website, podcastdanwus danwus, and subscribe to get updates on other deep dive episodes. And then I want to remind you that I recently announced and I really haven't done a lot of promotion around it, but I've got a couple more spots available.

Speaker 1:

I've recently announced the launch of a new mastermind and for the first six people. Here's what this looks like. So it's a paid mastermind. And for the first six people, here's what this looks like. So it's a paid mastermind. However, we're going to cap probably at 10, maybe 12 people is the max. Probably more like 10 people will be the cap. But this mastermind if you've never participated in a mastermind, let me just really quickly share that it's the best place to find encouragement, support and ideas collectively, because you're combining the brains of not just you but everyone else in the room right Virtual room in our case. We're going to be meeting virtually once a week for roughly 90 minutes and we'll have hot seats for every individual as we go through. All this will be explained in a short interview. If you're not familiar and if you aren't familiar, I would certainly encourage you to look up the Napoleon Hill principles of masterminding and this will give you a clear picture as to what this mastermind will be structured around, or at least a much clearer picture Again.

Speaker 1:

So the first six people you're going to be opted in, if you apply and are invited, you're going to receive the first three months at absolutely no cost, no obligation or no expectation that you're going to continue for the remainder of a 12-month commitment. So I'm looking for people who are committed to 12 months. That's the only way I found or I find that we create the relationships necessary to drive more and more success among each and every member of the group. You know we can't have people in and out every other month and rotating around. That just doesn't. It's not effective over the long term, in my opinion. Now, maybe you've experienced something different. There's nothing wrong with that, but I digress.

Speaker 1:

So the first six people to apply and receive an invitation to join will receive their first three months at absolutely no cost, no expectation or obligation. After that, you continue for the remaining nine months at $500 a month. That's the fee. So after the first six people, if you would like to apply and are invited, you would be expected to join at 12 months for $500 a month. I hope that that is explained clearly. If you're interested, I would love to hear from you. I'm happy to send you an application. Shoot me an email, dan, at danwus, and just put mastermind in the subject line, and I will send you a link over to the application. All right, that's it.

Speaker 1:

I want you to share your biggest self-doubt struggle with me, whether you send me an email, whether you go to my podcast website and share that by voicemail. And then I'd love to hear your biggest challenge with social media, and that's probably more like morbid curiosity, but it may be relevant for future content or future episodes. I'd be happy to share my opinions, my thoughts. If you follow me on social media, you see I don't really do a lot of deep dives into the world of coaching and marketing on social media. I talk about different things that come to mind and some of the stuff that I share here that I find relevant to the world of coaching and business, but I don't promote really any of my coaching.

Speaker 1:

I have put out about the mastermind a couple times, but even then not really following any kind of promotion schedule, so to speak. So anyway, I'd love to hear from you on that and then, if you'd like to subscribe, I'll send an email just to you about future episodes of the podcast, or you can simply click the follow and or subscribe, depending on what platform you're listening. I think that's it, and I am exhausted at this point, so thank you for bearing with me. I did not have any anticipated interruptions with my cold that I'm experiencing and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for you being here listening to this and I look forward to seeing you again next week.