What Our Daughters Know: Their Wisdom, Struggles and the Journey to Womanhood

What does it truly mean to become a woman in today’s world—and what wisdom are our daughters already carrying that we must learn to hear?

In this powerful Women’s History Month finale of Rethinking Freedom, we turn inward, centering the voices of the next generation. In “What Our Daughters Know: Their Wisdom, Struggles, and the Journey to Womanhood,” we sit down with three brilliant young women who are not only navigating their own paths—but redefining what strength, identity, and purpose look like in real time.

Join us for an honest, moving, and deeply insightful conversation with:

✨ Excellence Wallace, RN – Pediatric Nurse, healer, and advocate for compassionate care
📱 Follow TikTok: @excy | Instagram: @excellence.xo
✨ Kosisochukwu Eneli – Scholar at Harvard Law School, future legal powerhouse
📱Follow @kokoeneli on TicTok and Instagram
✨ Onaedochukwu Eneli – Senior at Tennessee State University, pre-med student and future physician
📱Follow @onaaa.eneli on Instagram

Together, they share:
• The lessons that have shaped them into who they are becoming
• The real challenges young women face today—and how they navigate them
• What they wish they had understood earlier about self-worth, identity, and purpose
• Their keys to success and staying grounded in a fast-moving world
• Advice to their peers, to mothers, and to leaders responsible for shaping systems that impact girls and women

This is more than a conversation—it’s a mirror, a call to listen, and a reminder that wisdom does not wait for age.

📅 Airs: Monday, March 30 at 7 AM CST
📻 Radio: 98.5 FM KRGN | 104.7 FM KVBM
📺 Watch: Rethinking Freedom YouTube Channel
🎧 Listen: Available on all podcast platforms

📱 Follow Excellence Wallace:
TikTok: @excy
Instagram: @excellence.xo

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Hashtags:
#RethinkingFreedom #WomensHistoryMonth #BlackWomenLead #NextGenerationVoices #Womanhood #EmpowerHer #DaughtersWisdom #BlackExcellence #FutureLeaders #HarvardLaw #PreMedJourney #TennesseeState #WomenAndGirls

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Well, good morning and welcome to another edition of Rethinking Freedom. I am your host, Aya Annelli. You know, everybody celebrates a woman when she becomes, but nobody asks what it cost her to get there. On this 30th day of March, as we wind to an end for our celebration of Women's History Month, although every day is a day to celebrate women, I wanted to center the voices of some young women who are doing amazing things with their lives. And yes, it's easy to celebrate their accomplishments, and we certainly would do that. But today, this conversation is different because we want to take a moment to pause, to listen, and to honor that which is often overlooked. The journey of becoming a woman. Because the truth is we celebrate them when they arrive, we applaud women when they achieve, we quilt them when they rise sometimes, but we rarely sit with them while they are still becoming, while they are still navigating the journey. We don't always ask, what did it cost you to grow? What did you have to unlearn to survive? What did you carry that no one ever saw? And yet our daughters know, and they have wisdom they want to share with us. And we listen to them, not only can we help them on their journey, we can help future generations as well. They know what it feels like to be underestimated, they know what it feels like to be watched and to be judged, they know what it feels like to be expected to be everything and still feel like they are not enough. They know the quiet battles, they know the moments of doubt, the pressure to perform, the tension between who they are and who the world tells them they should be, even as they're still trying to figure out themselves. But they also carry something else, something powerful. They carry wisdom before the world even calls it that. They carry vision before anyone gives them permission. They carry truth even when their voices shake. And so today we are not speaking for them, we are listening to them, and it is my distinct pleasure to share with you the voices of three amazing young women whom I've happened to know for oh my goodness, well, some of a couple of them for their entire lives, and um for Excellence Wallace um since what high freshman year of high school, I believe. And so we're gonna go around and introduce. I'm gonna introduce each of them. I'm gonna tell you their names, and I'm gonna have each of them tell you a little bit about themselves. So I'm going to start with Excellence Wallace, and I want to thank each and every one of you for taking time out to even be part of this conversation because these are some busy women. So, excellence, please, first of all, welcome to Rethinking Freedom, and then tell us just a little bit about what you are doing with your life today, and we'll ask other questions that dig a little bit further. But who are you today? What are you doing today?

SPEAKER_03 3:37

Thank you so much for inviting me, and thank you for the introduction. Um, I am excellent swallows RNBSN. I am currently working as a pediatric nurse in the Texas Medical Center, which is the largest medical center in the United States. So that's what I'm doing with my life. I'm pouring into the next generation, and I'm enjoying it thus far.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

Thank you so much. And like I said, I've known Excellence Wallace, who lives up to her name, Excellence. I've known her since she was, what, 14 years old, maybe? Yes. Um, going through high school and all the travails of learning what it means to be a young lady. And the next person I would like to introduce really quickly and have her share what she's currently doing is Kosi and Nelly. Kosi Sachiku and Nelly. Kosi, welcome to Rethinking Freedom.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Thank you for having me, Mom.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Um yes, Kosi happens to me to be my daughter as well. Actually, all three of these young ladies are my daughters in their own way. But go ahead, Cozy.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

I am currently in my first year at Harvard Law School with goals to eventually do public interest law. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

And thank you so much for sharing that. And next we have the baby of the group, but don't sleep on her. And her name is Anne Docikuanelli, also happens to be one of my biological daughters. And Anna, can you tell us a little bit about what you're doing and welcome to Rethinking Freedom?

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Hello, everyone. My name is Anne Dochuanelli. I am a senior pre-med biology student at Tennessee State University, and I plan to go to Maharry Medical College next.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

All right. Thank you very much for sharing that. So if you guys are listening, these are what let me go back around really quickly. Excellence, how old are you if you don't mind sharing?

SPEAKER_03 5:44

22.

SPEAKER_02 5:45

Okay, and Kosi, how old are you? 22. And Anna, how old are you? 20. 20. So these are young ladies who clearly at a young age, a much younger age, made a decision about what they wanted to do with their lives and took certain steps. So I'm gonna start with you, Kosi. Um, you are a first-year law student at Harvard Law School. It's one of the most prestigious law schools, at least in terms of ranking in the United States of America. For someone listening right now and saying, wow, 22 years old, first-year law student. What was your path to become to getting to where you are today? Did you always know you wanted to practice law? What got you on this path?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Um, I feel like I've been interested in law since I was very little. My you, my mom is a lawyer, so I feel like that was like an early introduction. And then just the community that we were around, there are a lot of black women who are in law, so just getting to see that. And I think also from a young age, getting to see like um President Obama, his election, and just seeing like what it meant to have a black person in office and to be in politics and in power um was really impactful for me, even as a young child. And so I always kind of knew I wanted to do that. I said as a kid that I was gonna be, I think I said the first woman president, which still hasn't happened yet. Um but yeah, so I feel like really early on, just from like the people I was around throughout my life and then seeing um the president on the screen, like I knew that I wanted to go into on politics, and so that was always kind of in the back of my mind throughout my life in terms of what I was doing, but I also tried to still give myself freedom to explore in case that didn't end up being the path that I wanted to take. Um, but it was in my mind at all times, and so I went to college in DC, I did some things that like were on that more political, legal path, and now I'm at Harvard.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Okay. And how about you, Excellence? How did you get on this path to at 22 being a registered nurse at one of the most prestigious hospitals in the United States of America?

SPEAKER_03 7:59

Um, I actually didn't always know that I wanted to pursue nursing. I was always good at school, but I don't really like it that much. So I knew that I wanted to get me a four-year degree that I could work with and that I would not have to go back to school in order to um really like start my career if I didn't want to. And so nursing just really stuck out to me because I've always been a people person and I've always just wanted to like kind of help people, but also I really like I I know I can just you can help people like on a day-to-day, like you can hold the door for somebody, you can just do everything. But I knew that I I felt that I had more to give. I was smart, I was I am smart, I'm interested in science and all of this. So I was like, I can help someone holistically by with my using my knowledge and everything. And nursing stuck out to me because nurses really take care of the whole patient. Um, we're not just taking care of their diagnosis, where we're holding their hand, we're talking to them, and there's just so many roles that nurses play. So I just really like that, and I do also love the flexibility of the degree that I have.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Thank you very much for sharing that. And how about you, Ana? What got you on your path?

SPEAKER_00 9:38

Oh, so what got me on my path, I would say, is just my love for helping other people. I never like it when I'm, you know, either physically sick or you know, emotionally feeling down or mentally. So I just always kind of wanted to help other people. And then of course, my dad being a doctor and my mom, not my mom, my aunt being a dentist, um, that definitely introduced me to the medical field and just yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

So it sounds like for each of you. Well, let me ask this question this way. So, what challenges did you face or are you facing as a young woman? Because obviously there are lots of other young people, some of them you're you went to school with, who have not made the same kind of choices you all have made. Maybe they didn't graduate from high school, maybe they graduated from high school, but they're not able to make a living now, or you know, they're maybe addicted, or you know, there are lots of different life paths that people are going down that may not be the best for them at this time. So, what kind of challenges did each of you experience or did you face? And how did you overcome it in being able to stay on the path that you chose and have stayed on to get to where you are today? And um, we'll start with Ana this time.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

So, being in a in a in an accelerated program and graduating in three years instead of four, that meant I had to take summer classes. That just meant I had to be more intentional my studies and what I was doing. So having that sort of discipline when it comes to that, and um not always feeling like you can rely on others because they're not on the same track was definitely hard. But I think having the goal in mind, you know, I am going to graduate, I am going to get into med school, then that just meant that no matter how I was feeling, I I had to get the work done. So I feel like it was hard for me to like hold myself to the standard that I had for myself or I knew that I needed to be at in order to get to where I wanted to get at the time I wanted, because that was not everybody else's like plan, you know. They may want to go party or they might may want to go to this event or you know, this organization or whatever. And I had to have the discipline to be like, okay, well, this is what I'm working towards, so I can't do those things right now. Um, but just knowing that in the end it's all gonna work out. Obviously, I'm graduating now, you know. I I'm assured acceptance into medical school. Um, so you know, because I didn't necessarily do everything that my peers were doing, and I stayed on the track and the goals that I had for me, I was able to succeed. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

And I think the audience should know, our listeners, um, all of these young ladies graduated at the top of their class, their high school classes. They went on to college, they maintained really great grades, and that has helped them to be able to pick, you know, the great careers and the great schools that they're they're going to at this time. So, what I'm hearing is the discipline, but then there was some isolation that came with making those choices. How about you, Excellence? Did you experience those same challenges? Did you have other challenges? And if you can even think back to high school, because although people can turn their lives around at any time, I think it's a lot easier if as a when you're younger, you kind of get on the path of success as opposed to taking a lot of detours and then now trying to course correct. But what kind of challenges did you experience?

SPEAKER_03 13:36

Um, definitely, I feel like I've always been disciplined, but of course, getting to college, there's so much that is available to you that just wasn't in high school. So I feel like the discipline has to be extra. But I don't think that part was too hard for me. I think that the hardest part, the hardest challenge for me was in high school and under, I made straight A's, like in everything, and it was easy for me. Like maybe I would study for 30 minutes or an hour, but when the test came, I knew I was gonna put it.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

So you know some folk are hating you right now.

SPEAKER_03 14:17

That's just how it was. But going to college and having like biology, I'm like, yeah, like whatever, like this is gonna be easy. I think I got a 68 on my first exam, and I cried. And I was like, I remember you were you were freaking out. I was like, what happened? I don't understand. Like, I don't know what I did. This exam was like actually super hard, and so I actually had to learn how like I had to switch things around, and I feel like that was the hardest part because even like now I have to learn how to switch things around and figure out the only way I'm gonna know if those things are working is based on my exam grades, and I slowly did better. I think the highest I got was like an 85, which is still low to me in my high school brain. But I was like, okay, like this is a whole different ball game. This is college now, like at this point, you just have to pass. But I did eventually get the hang of it, and it wasn't like I started off in college, like, oh, you just have to pass, which was a shock for me. But then in the end, I kind of got my groove, and I was like, Okay, no, you can get an A, you just need to do these things, so I kind of had to, it was like I was starting from square one. I had to learn how to study, I had to learn how to do all these things, and then also try not to beat myself up because what I was used to wasn't happening for me, and that was really hard. And I was like, oh my gosh, like my parents are gonna be upset. But they, I don't, I mean, I'm sure they cared, but I feel like I've always been like the hardest on myself, so it was really kind of like me versus me.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

Okay, thank you for that. Lot lots of I'm hearing parents and influence, but then also standards for yourself. Um, and then what do you do when the going gets tough? Because we've heard the phrase winners never quit and quitters never win, right? So lots of people go to college, you know, you got into college, you're smart enough, or whatever career you're going into, whatever it is you decide to do, um, and then you hit a bump, and then you just decide, oh, I quit. This is too tough, as opposed to let me pivot, let me figure out what I need to do differently. How about you, Kosi? What kind of challenges have you faced or are you facing?

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Um, I feel like in college, the biggest challenge was like finding my identity and worth outside of just my accomplishments. I think like I did really well in school, like you said, like was top of my class, was class president, was this and that. But going to a school like Howard, everybody was class president of their high school, everybody had great grades, so it was like, okay, what makes you different? And also just figuring out like what do I want to do? Because I feel like so much of my life was always around like get the good grades, do this. But then I'm like, okay, like who am I outside of that? What are the things I enjoy? Like, who am I? And I feel like, um, especially with like personal tragedies and things that happened in my freshman year of college, it also was just like a wake-up call that like the way that I was living my life where all I did was study, all I did was go to class, and like it was solely on the grades. I was like, this is not living, like I'm just doing work. Um, and so like I really focused on like trying to just like try things out, try new things, do things I hadn't done before um in high school just that I could find me. And I think that that was really important because like the accomplishments still matter and are great, but like if it's tied to that, every rejection is just a billion times worse. So I'm really glad that like I worked on that. Um, and then I would also say just like having that discipline and still is the case now, but like having that discipline and ability to say no to things, like especially when I was sitting for the LSAT, like I was hibernating, like you did not see me for weeks. I have my LSAT books with me everywhere, and it's like during my senior year.

SPEAKER_02 18:35

Um for those those who don't know, LSAT is the law school application test, admission test, law school admission test. And I know Anna, you could tell us some horror stories about studying for the MCATs, the medical college admission test. And excellence, you can tell us some stories about studying for your nursing exam too, right? So we'll maybe we'll get into that. But go ahead, Cozy.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Yeah, but I think like uh I forgot what I was saying.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

You were talking about having to say no and be hibernating when you were studying for the LSAT.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Yeah, having to just like remember what your goals are, and even though it might be something fun at the moment, like how that will hurt your goals. And also similar to what Xy said, the like giving yourself grace. I think, especially in the law school application process, I had these goals of where I was gonna score and how much I was gonna study, and life happened and that didn't happen, and it caused me to kind of shut down. Like, as my mom knows, I lied about like my L set score not being out for like almost a month because I was so scared to look at it and like I was just petrified because things didn't go my way. Um, and like now I'm at Harvard. So, like, obviously, I mean, I'm not saying that's the case for everyone, but just like remember remembering to believe in yourself and remembering that knowing that I'm such a disciplined and driven person, even when I don't feel like I'm doing my best, is still better than most people. So all right.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

So, anybody else want to talk about taking their test and what that process was like in terms of challenging and how you overcame that? Anyone want to chime in?

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Um, well, yeah. Like Cozy said, he was not singing for me. I was not on social media, I wasn't even on TikTok. I deleted it at one point. That's how serious it got. Um, what is it? I think my little brother was praying for me at one point because it was it was that serious. Like I wasn't really talking to my friends, hanging out with anyone like day in, wake up, mm, had to study, do questions, do flashcards, but it all worked out. I only had to take the test one time, which I am so thankful for. I got my score and now I can live to my heart's content. Yeah. But I was definitely isolated and I definitely found out like who the real people like were, you know, because even though I couldn't be with them or always hang out with them, they know it was because I was doing something that was important for me and that would help me um further advance in life. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

How about you, Xie? Any stories about that process?

SPEAKER_03 21:12

Nursing is a little bit different, at least in Louisiana where I graduated from. You don't take your tests until after. So, like you finished nursing school and now you're taking your tests to become a registered nurse. So honestly, I didn't have like the experience that y'all had because my school, our pass rate was like a 99. So I was like, Yeah, I think I'm gonna. So I didn't really stress too much about it. But you gotta believe in yourself. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Um, I'm gonna ask a question that might, you know, and then if you're not comfortable answering it, you know, feel free not to. Do you guys? Ever have to deal with any mental health challenges at all? That's an area that it seems like a lot of people, not just young people, but just people in general, are battling with, if you will. And if you did, or if you are, in what ways are you managing any of your mental health stressors?

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Um, I feel like for me, yes. I think that I tend to get really anxious. Um, and it's something I've dealt with. And I I've always kind of been interested in therapy, but it wasn't until um my uncle passed my freshman year of college that I convinced my parents to put me into therapy because I didn't know if I was going to be able to return back to school. And I've been in therapy ever since. So I feel like it's like been five or six years now at different, you know, variables at different times in my life. Sometimes I was going weekly, sometimes I was going once a month. It just depended on what was happening. Um, but I feel like for me, it's been a really great avenue to like talk through the things that are going on. Sometimes I joined therapy and I just cry. Sometimes I just need to like vet and get things out, and just like having someone who is licensed and a professional to like help you kind of work through those things. I think like that being a high achieving young person and being a high achieving young black woman, it just like creates a lot of pressures and things. And so I really enjoy it because it it makes sure that I have a dedicated hour that like cannot be messed with that I will be taking care of just me. Because it's so easy to like plan you're gonna do this, and it's like, oh, I have this schoolwork, oh, I have this, but like therapy is like I know that for this hour every week, which obviously you need to take more than an hour to yourself every week, but like at least for this hour every week, I know I just sit and talk and feel and process. Um, so that's been really good for me because I know that when I get really, really anxious, I kind of like shut down and like um don't really want to ask for help and just like kind of get paralyzed in that. So therapy has been um good for me.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

Thank you for sharing. Anyone else want to tackle that one? And that's fine. All right, so here is another question for you, and again, I really appreciate you all just sharing because the idea here is for your peers to hear and learn, but also for all of us who are older and who are mentoring or raising young women to see and understand you all differently. Um, so what do you wish you had understood earlier about yourselves? What do you wish you had you had understood, you had known and you had understood earlier about yourselves and just you who you are, your path, how you function in the world? We'll start with excellence on this one.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

Um I feel like I would have just wanted somebody to tell me, or I would want to know that it's all gonna work out. Like I'm a Virgo, I am a very like, I don't plan stuff to the T, but in my head, I have a way of how things need to go. And if they don't, if it's not going like how I originally thought it was, I kind of like am like, what the heck? Like now I'm freaking out. But everything that didn't work out how I thought it was supposed to still ended up working out. Like when I was in nursing school and like I was stressed, I was like, what is going on? I was like, well, when has it not worked out? Like it's never not worked out, even if it didn't work out how I thought it was going to, there was never a time where it just point blank didn't work out, and I feel like if it's it hasn't been like that in 22 years, then it's just always gonna work out for me. It it might not be how I think it is, and I'm still learning that too, but it might not be how I think it is, but I mean, it has no choice but to work out, so yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

I think that that is so powerful, and just how that can help relieve your anxiety. It doesn't mean that you don't do your part, right? It's just like when I've done all that I can do, hey, what's gonna be is gonna be. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. How about you, Anna? What do you wish you had understood or known earlier?

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Um, what I wish I would have understood or known earlier, is that it's okay to be different. I think a lot of times, because you know, we want people to like us, you know, we want friends, and it feels like our opinion is always different, or we're always doing like something that like not the majority of people are doing that is wrong and that we have to feel like bad about it. But like that just makes you who you are as a person, you know, and that plays to your strengths and you know, the purpose that is for your life. So instead of, you know, hiding it or you know, maybe trying to dim your light so people don't feel a certain way to just walk in like who you are as a person and be okay with that, and be okay with expressing your emotions and your feelings and communicating that, um, and not letting the world silence you just because you don't look like everybody else.

SPEAKER_02 27:45

That's powerful too. Because that that that pressure to conform and then you're not being who you are. Okay. How about you, Kosi?

SPEAKER_01 27:56

Um something I wish I would have realized earlier. Just like giving yourself grace and kind of trusting the process. Similar to what Xy said, it's like everything I've ever done has worked out. So, like all that time that I spend like being anxious and being scared is time that I could have been doing other things. I feel like I've been better about that in law school of like once it's done, it's done. Because you could be miserable waiting and then the results are bad, and now you're like, dang, I should have been happy while I could, or you could be miserable waiting and the results are good, and you're still like, dang, I could have been happy that whole time. So it's like either way, it's just better to like be happy and chill, like once you've done what you can do, because you're gonna wish you had done that, regardless of what the results are.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Okay. So, what advice would you give to mothers, mother figures, as they are raising young girls, young women, as they are mentoring, as they are supporting. You know, like even if you want to think of it from the perspective of all three of you have known me. Um even if you want to think of it from the perspective of, I wish you hadn't done this, or I appreciate when you did this. But like real advice that a mother or a mother figure listening to this can take away and can really apply to her relationship with um a young woman in her life that hopefully can change the quality of the relationship that they have. Kelsey, we'll start with you.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Um I think doing okay. I think doing a good job of listening is really important. And just making sure that you make yourself available for your child to feel like they can tell you anything. I feel like, especially as young girls, like there's always so much going on and things like we're scared of and embarrassed about. And if you feel like you're going to be judged and like you don't talk about it, and then you can make things worse. So I think that like growing up, especially I think like listening, and especially in like not every time your daughter's coming to you, they want a lecture or they want you to fix it. Like sometimes they just want you to listen. Like, I feel like that was something I had to say to you. It was like, I don't like, don't go tell me what to do. Like, this is just me getting it out. Um, because I feel like a lot of times, especially like even in therapy, you actually solve your own problem. But it's like you have to talk it out and say it. And so, like, sometimes you're not looking to them to like tell you what to do in lectures, just like be that listening ear and that sounding board so that I can grow and like figure things out, and just like I feel safe to come to you because you want them to feel safe with the little things so that they feel safe with the bigger things too.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

Hmm, listening and trying not to judge. We listen, we don't judge.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

How about you, excellence? I say I have two things. One of them is very similar to what Kosi said with the listening, but I feel like in that moment when your daughter is coming to you, I feel like moms could do a good job of just like thinking and being like, okay, what does she need right now? Like, who does she not what does she need, but who does she need me to be right now? Like, I know, especially black moms, you're like, I'm not one of your little friends, but sometimes like what we're holding on to is bigger than what we can go to one of our little friends about. Like, we need like some grown woman advice, even when we are grown women, sometimes we need grown grown woman advice or a grown grown woman listening here. But we don't always want to hear, like, we want to talk to you as our mom, but we don't want you to be our mom in that moment, if that makes sense. Like, can you just try to be like a homegirl for a second, just like right now, and then later maybe you can slide in with the mom advice once I've calmed down. But right now, like, don't go mom on me, like just maybe be a homegirl, or maybe be like a human wall, like somebody I can just bounce stuff off of, and then two, I would say just start that early because I think that however you respond to your child, like on those big moments that they're coming to you or that they're feeling some type of way, like that's how they're going to like understand that you're going to respond. And so, however, you if you're gonna want them to start to come to you when they're 22, 25, 18, then you might want to start when they're like five or six, like start early because it's very impressionable how you react, and if you don't necessarily react, how they need in that moment, and if you don't know, ask like what do you need in this moment? But if you don't react oh, pause on that one.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

What do you need in this moment? What do you need in this moment that we can pause and we can ask? What do you need in this moment?

SPEAKER_03 33:26

Yes, I think that's good because obviously you're not gonna know. Like, if you might not know, like, okay, do you want me to be mom? Do you want me to be like homegirl? Like, what do you need? So just ask them, and then whatever they tell you, you always gonna be mom, so you can jump back to that later, but like in this moment, just be what they need, and then if you start that early, then I think that it would set a good foundation for them to come to you later.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

And how about you, Anna?

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Um, for me, I would say for moms, just to keep in mind that all your children are different. So, how you parented, you know, one child may not be like how you parent the next. Like, not to say like drastic changes, but like all your children probably aren't gonna have the same personalities, you know, same interests and stuff like that. So keep that in mind when you know you're talking and communicating with them. And then my other thing would also be to as much as you wanna like take care of your child and make sure that they don't make like the same mistakes that you made and all that, remember that it is their life too. So you know, they are gonna make their own mistakes and you know, they're not going to be exactly how you were when a child when you were a child or do exact do everything exactly how you would do it, but like that's how they would do it. So don't judge them for that, you know. Just embrace that.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Okay, mothers, grandmothers, mother figures. I hope you are listening. And I know what you all are saying, and you're going to be saying it in the chat. It's a lot to juggle, it is, but the relationships matter. And what I'm hearing from all three of you is that you do want relationships with the the mother figures in your life. Is that is that accurate? Well, let me ask you this question: what does it add to your life to have a great relationship with your mother or with a mother figure in your life?

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Um, for me, uh you can just definitely see like the difference, you know, and people who I feel like have had that home training, you know, have taught, you know, how to treat people with respect and just how to carry themselves in life, and those people who maybe necessarily didn't have that role model. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:55

Okay. How about you, excellence? I feel like having a good relationship or a strong relationship with my mom has definitely like helped me to envision the life that I want for myself. It kind of gives me like a sense of guidance that I would need or that I do need, and that I feel like I thrive from having. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

And how about you, Kelsey? I think that it's just like a sounding board based, like honestly, that I think you can tell when a lot of times people feel like they don't have that. But I'm like, I know even if it's small big, like that I can call you and get your advice and your perspective, and that just makes it like easier to go out doing things knowing that you have that support to fall back on.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

All right. Okay, so now what advice would you give your peers? Because y'all see it and hear it more than we even know. Because some of the stuff I see, I'm like, oh Lord, I don't want to know. Um, so what advice do you have for your peers? You guys see the choices that you're making that sometimes might make it, you know, life just a little bit more challenging. Um, and you know the choices that you've made that have made your life maybe a little bit easier. So, what advice would you have for your peers just in terms of maybe keys to success or maybe things that they should consider avoiding? I mean, everybody still has to make their own choices, but what advice would you give? Um, I'm gonna start with you, Kosi.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

I would say for young people that life should be a balance of YOLO and future. I think the problem is that like a lot of people see things as black and white, where it's like, oh, I'm young, so I need to be having fun, partying, doing everything, and like no, you know, regard for their futures or their careers, or the opposite, where it's like I can't have any fun, I just have to do my job and pursue my career. And I think that's where people have problems is this like feeling like you can only pick one. I think that like we are young, but like we also want to have good futures. And so for me, I try to have a balance and I think that like that's the way to live. Like, for example, um, the one elves have this really big appellate brief that's due tomorrow at 10 a.m. But like me and my partner finished it today, but it was like yesterday we worked on it all morning, all afternoon, and then that evening, me and some other one else went and did laser, went to like an arcade and like took a break. So it's like, you know, you do the work, you're building for your, but you're still having fun at the same time because you don't want to look back either way. Like, I don't want to look back in 20 years and be like, oh, you know, I'm doing great in my legal career, but I was so miserable for like 10 years to get here. But you also don't want to look back later, like, oh, I had so much fun in my 20s, but now I'm in my 40s. I have no financial stability, don't have the life I want. So just finding that balance of like, I'm young and I want to have fun, and like I also want to consider my future.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

All right, thank you for that. How about you, excellence?

SPEAKER_03 39:00

I would say definitely I agree with Kosi about having a balance, but if you're not used, like if you're not a naturally disciplined person, then I think that you definitely need to make like you need to set that balance ahead of time, like you need to plan things out. I'm gonna do this for these hours, and I'm gonna do this for these hours, and I'm not I'm not really gonna budge, and yeah, and then I also think like don't make decisions without truly thinking about them. Like, for example, like I have a tattoo on my chest, and I thought about it for like three to six months, and I was like, this is what I want, and I was like, but I'm gonna revisit this in three to six months. Like, if this is still what I want, then I'm gonna get it. And like I feel like a tattoo is a big thing because that's like permanent, but even like even like little stuff, like if you're like thinking, okay, like my friends, they're going in this car, they're about to be hotboxing in this car. Should I ride with them? Truly think about what you're going to do, like, don't just be doing stuff because when you're just doing stuff and it goes wrong, like then you're like, oh, like I should have did this. So, like, if you're free, if you know what's gonna be going on, like I know sometimes it's hard when you're in that brink of the moment, but that's why, too. Like, I've always had like predetermined boundaries for myself, too. Like in dating, I'm like, okay, look, like I said to myself before I started dating this guy, I'm not doing this before we've been dating for five months. So now that's like a preset boundary, so that kind of helps with those like when those times when you're in the spot and you're just put on the spot, but then there's also gonna be times when you are put on the spot and you don't have a preset because you can't have a preset for everything, but you can for some things, and I think if you do that, that will help. So that's my advice for the younger people.

SPEAKER_02 41:15

Kind of like thinking and planning, have a game plan, yeah. That's gonna help out.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Yes, excellent.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

How about you, Ana?

SPEAKER_00 41:25

I would say take the time to figure out who you are, what you want for yourself, what you want in life, what you want to surround yourself with, because that plays a big part into, you know, how you do things and how you carry yourself. Um, you don't want to spend most of your life, you know, miserable, or it's like, oh yeah, I spent 10 years like, you know, not happy just to get here. And is this really what I want? Or it's like, are these people who are really looking out for my best interests? Are these people who I really enjoy, you know, spending time with? Can I spend time with myself? Can I enjoy my own company? Um, is this what I'm passionate about? So I would say really make sure to take the time to, you know, figure out who you are and what you want for yourself because that makes all the difference in in what you do and and how disciplined you are.

SPEAKER_02 42:25

All right, so we're coming to coming close to the end of our time together, but I've got a question for y'all. And and excellence kind of teed this up a little bit. So, dating, you are beautiful young women, smart, doing all the things. What's your take on relationships um and where you feel at your ages that should factor in? Because we see where, well, I'll tell you a story when I was about your age, actually. Well, X excellence and Kelsey's age, I was um about to graduate from undergrad and going on to law school. And I remember some of my mother's um friends, some of my aunties, um, because we call all your mother's friends are your aunties, right? And so they were like, Oh, what's next? And you know, I'm telling them I'm gonna go to law school and so on. And they're like, Don't you already, you know, you're graduating with one? I said, Yeah, I'm graduating with two degrees. And they were like, Oh, do you have a boyfriend? And I was like, nope. And then it was basically like, you might not want to go get another degree before you're married, because if you get another degree, you might scare the men away. And I'm thinking, well, and I cannot get a degree and sit around waiting for them and still not get a man. But um, it was just interesting to me at that age, the kind of advice. That women were, you know, as a young woman, I was getting about what I needed to do to quote unquote get a man, get married. So with your age group and with where you are in life right now, how are you feeling in terms of dating? Um, are you feeling any pressure? Or what what is your outlook on that for yourself? And what advice would you give if you have any to other young people who are in this place right now and just trying to navigate how much energy they give to romantic relationships or not?

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Um, I think everybody makes their own decisions and like how much weight and time they want to give it. I kind of agree in what you're saying that like I don't really like the conversations that are had with girls. If it's like the main forefront of our lives is supposed to be marriage, they don't do that with guys. Like, guys will be well into their 30s and late 30s before they're even thinking about settling down or having kids. If a man says he's going to law school, nobody's like, oh, you need to get married first. Like, that's literally never the conversation. So I think that like I want love and like desire love and you know, want to like be married and have kids at some point in my life, but it's not like the motivator of my life. Like, I don't think that that's my purpose on this planet is to just procreate. So I think that like I'm just saying, uh like it's good to like consider and think about, but I'm 22, like uh I'm not like in a rush, so I you know we'll go on a date here or there if I wanted to, but it's not really my focus right now. But I'm not like docking anyone who is. I just think that when they try to push that on women is when that's it. If a girl, you know, wants to do that younger, that's totally fine as long as it's their choice. I think it should just be your choice versus young girls feel like that needs to be their primary goal is being desirable for marriage.

SPEAKER_02 46:05

Okay, how about you, excellence? How are you feeling? What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_03 46:12

Um, I feel like I kind of come from a unique standpoint on this because I went to nursing school, graduated nursing school in Louisiana, and in the South, it's like a whole big thing, especially nursing, like nursing and education, ring by spring, ring by spring, ring by spring, and every ring by spring, yes, like spring of when you're graduating, you better have a rings. Oh wow, okay, that is like the motto, like all my classmates showing their rings, and I'm seeing my classmates' weddings. Yes, yes, it's a very big thing in nursing, and a very big thing in the south, and so I feel like I was surrounded by that, but I was still like going on my own time, but I would say to always move with you number one in your mind, like don't move with marriage as your number one, don't move with all of this, just move with you in the present, and don't try to like not change, but like try to like uh adjust your boundaries and your like I don't know what's the word I'm looking for.

SPEAKER_02 47:47

Your the things that you have set in stone, don't try to adjust your goals, your your plans for your life.

SPEAKER_03 47:56

Yes, yeah, don't try to adjust them, and I feel like it'll just happen naturally if it's supposed to don't push it, don't force it, let it happen naturally, let it happen, yes.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

How about you, Anna?

SPEAKER_00 48:13

Um, yeah, kind of along the same lines that Kosi is saying like I'm not in a rush for anything. Um, you know, when it happens, it happens. Whatever God has in store for me, He does. And you know, I just think given this day and age, hookup culture is very prominent, very what culture? Hookup culture, hookup culture.

SPEAKER_02 48:39

Okay, so some of us who ain't it, hookup culture, what is that exactly? Listen, no, no, no, because my audience, everybody might not know what you're talking about. What is no explaining?

SPEAKER_01 48:52

No, you brought it up, you can explain it.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

Ah anyways, um, I guess just like just hooking up with someone and not like looking for a relationship. Like, I feel like people don't really necessarily want to come in and is that is that different from situationships?

SPEAKER_02 49:14

I'm trying to I'm trying to stay with like I feel like you're coming in and out, Cozy.

SPEAKER_01 49:21

Oh, can you hear me now? Yes, okay. I was saying they overlap, but they're not the same. So like hookup culture is more about I don't know if you bleep this, but sex. And then like situationships typically have more of like an emotional confusion component.

SPEAKER_02 49:37

Oh, okay. So hookup is just we're just have getting together, having sexual intercourse and keeping it moving. And then situationship with that kind of feelings, but somebody might be playing some games or something like that. It's typically where one person wants more, the other doesn't the other person. Gotcha. Okay, okay. We've got our terms. Okay, so go ahead, Ana. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

I mean, yeah, but basically, like Costa explained it, there's just like a lot going on. Um, you know, people just aren't always looking, you know, to commit or settle down with one person. So, you know, given, you know, going into law school or going to med school, like um, there's a mentor above me, and they're just talking about like you're studying like six to eight hours a day outside of like lectures and stuff like that. So like you have like little downtime sometimes. So when you do have downtime, you want to spend it with someone, you know, that you want to spend that time with, you know, that it's not gonna be a waste of time. So you don't have time to be wasting it on, you know, maybe like a situation ship or you know, they're playing games or this and that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:45

Okay. All right. So what role, what what's keeping what keeps you guys on your path? You've talked about goals, you've talked about discipline. What else is keeping you like because there are obviously a lot of temptation, a lot of different choices that you've made. If you had to identify the top three things that have helped you to stay on the path that you've chosen, and even when you veer up, it helps you come back. What would be your top three things? Um, I'll start with you, excellent, Kosi, and then Anna.

SPEAKER_03 51:19

Um, top three things that have helped me to stay on the path that I'm on. I would say before we went to school, um you, Mama Kosi, had us write like our purpose, and I still have it actually. Oh my gosh, and I still like that's still my purpose in life, and I feel like that's one thing, and then two, just like now, like the life that I live, like I know that there's so many different decisions that I could make that could possibly mess up my life or just change it, but I'm so in love with the life that I've created for myself that I wouldn't want to do anything to mess this up, and then also like before I had this life, just like envisioning me going to work, doing something that I love, and having four days off to myself to just travel or do whatever, and having the money to do it, that just sounded so beautiful to me. So I'm like, why would I want to do anything to disrupt this? And if I did mess up, like we do, I'd be like, uh-uh, girl, you gotta get it back together because what's the alternative? Like, this is your dream life, and you're in control of it. So I really think that's like the main two things, and then I also think that the people that have prayed over me and spoke over me, like I kind of when I fall off, I think that their prayers and their um anointing words have kind of just like pushed me back into your mother needs a prayer warrior now.

SPEAKER_02 53:13

Yes, we do know that faith, yes. All right, thank you for sharing that. And how about you, Miss Kosi? Remind me the question is the three things yeah, three things that have kept you going with all the distractions. This is what keeps you going.

SPEAKER_01 53:33

I would say one just knowing that like always in service of others and in service of making a difference and making a change. I think, especially like in light of our current political and legal climate, it makes being a black woman who's in law school just even more important because we need uh black people in the law. So like that keeps me going of like you see where we are right now without us, like we need to be in these spaces and we need to be a part of that change. So I guess like just like the state of the world and like the industry that I'm planning to go into needs a lot of help. So that's one thing. Um what else keeps me going? I feel like internally, just like I don't know, maybe it's the Nigerian in me, maybe it's the older daughter, like just core that like you put into me of just like drive and like wanting to do things. Like I'm just not really a person that is like content with not doing things.

SPEAKER_02 54:32

Um and so you have that internal drive.

SPEAKER_01 54:36

Yeah. Okay. And then the third thing that keeps me going is that like I want to have a nice life, like Xy said, like I want to have nice things, I want to like have my house and my vacations and my trips, and I know that that requires hard work. Like, I feel like so often sometimes like people in my generation will like want what people in your generation have, not realizing like you have to do stuff to that. Like, you're not immediately gonna have the big house and the ability to do X, Y, Z. So like working now so that I can relax later. Okay. How about you, Anna?

SPEAKER_00 55:08

Um, my three things would be my passion for what I want to do and what I want for my life and helping people. Um, my discipline, just being like, like, I can't afford, you know, like not to do it. Like, I gotta get up and get it done. Like, yeah. And then um my support, having you, having my family, having friends, when sometimes when I wasn't feeling, you know, the best about myself and my self-esteem was low, having those people who can pick you back up and remind you of what your purpose is and that you you can do this. So those would be my three things.

SPEAKER_02 55:49

Well, I do want to thank each of you for sharing um so eloquently your lives and hopefully inspiring your peers, inspiring my generation and anybody who works with young young women, um, that our young people are so amazing, but they do need that nurturing. They do need us showing them what is possible so that they can start dreaming at a young age. And that's what we heard from each of you is that from a young age, you were exposed to things that allowed you to think of a different kind of possibility for your lives. One last question that I have, um, and if you would just take a minute each answering this question, given the current political climate that we have and some of the issues that are facing young women, what do you feel you should be doing to help address it? If you can just 30 seconds to a minute.

SPEAKER_00 56:48

I would just say to um inform my peers, a lot of people they don't pay attention to the news or what's going on, what policies are being put in place. So to just do my part and when I can, you know, post something that people need to be aware of or so that we can take change. Um, yeah, making people aware of that.

SPEAKER_02 57:08

Thank you. And how about you, Kosi?

SPEAKER_01 57:12

I would say keeping the door open for others. One of the things that's really important is whenever people reach out to me who are in the law, especially when it's black people or black women, like trying to help them in the same way that the people before me helped me. Um, because it shouldn't be that like it's just one of us going through the door, it's keeping it open for everyone else. So trying to share what I learned and what I gained so that it can be easier for the next person. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 57:39

And how about you, excellence? I would say just staying educated and staying very mindful. Um, I feel like this is all affecting each and every one of us differently, and so just being mindful of how this may be affecting someone else and just being very considerate to everyone during this time. And I feel like even some people that might be trying to ignore it, or just me being extra mindful will show them that they need to do the same.

SPEAKER_02 58:15

Thank you very much. So, again, I want to thank these amazing young women and um follow us on the YouTube channel because we're going to include whatever social media handles there they permit us to um include so that you can follow them and you can learn more about their lives, and you can maybe have young people in your lives follow them and be inspired by what they're doing because they are amazing. We want to thank all of you who listen to us faithfully every week. And for those of you who watch us on YouTube, those of you who download our podcast, listen, we are growing. We are now over 12,000 subscribers, my goodness. But guess what? We've set a goal that for the month of April we want to exceed 15,000 subscribers, and we can't do it without you. So please like, please subscribe, please share because you know we are doing great work on this channel. Um, again, thank you to my guests and for everyone. Every day is Women's History Month. So don't forget to love on yourself as a woman, to support the women in your life, and definitely to provide a nurturing environment for the girls and young women in our lives. Thank you all so much.