Breaking the Curse: Protecting Black Women and Healing Our Communities

What does it take to move from awareness to real change?

In Part 2 of this urgent and necessary conversation, Rethinking Freedom goes deeper—beyond naming the crisis to confronting its roots and building pathways toward healing, accountability, and transformation.

This episode brings together powerful voices committed to truth, restoration, and the protection of Black women and girls. Together, we examine not only the patterns of violence, but the cultural, psychological, and spiritual conditions that allow it to persist—and what it will take to break them.

Featured Guests:

Gilbert Richards
Born in Belize, Gilbert Richards is an educator, clinician, and lifelong teacher with over 27 years of experience working with learners from kindergarten through adulthood. He holds a Master’s in Special Education with a focus on second language learners and a Master’s in Clinical Social Work. Teaching, for him, is a spiritual calling. His work now centers on spiritual freedom, collective healing, and expanding historical and socio-cultural awareness through his involvement with Knarrative.

Khalid B. Scott, BS, MSW, LCSW, CADC, CODP-I, C-SWHC, CWEL, CPLC, LPHA
With more than three decades of service in social work, Khalid B. Scott is a nationally recognized clinician, educator, and leader in mental health and social advocacy. A Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Substance Use Disorder Specialist with the Department of Veterans Affairs, Khalid provides psycho-social therapy for individuals, couples, and families through his private practice, International High Achievers. His work is rooted in trauma-informed care, cultural humility, and authentic human connection.

A decorated veteran, award-winning professional, and mentor, Khalid has taught at major universities across the country and contributed to numerous publications, media platforms, and community initiatives. His legacy is one of service, discipline, and a deep commitment to healing and empowerment.

Contact Khalid B. Scott:
Website: International High Achievers

Therapist Profile: Psychology Today Profile

Social Media & Resources: Linktree

Dr. Kerry Ann Zamore Byrd
Dr. Byrd is a clinical professor and Director of Baylor University’s Undergraduate Social Work Program, with over 20 years of experience as a licensed clinical social worker. Her work spans child protective services, court systems, psychiatric care, police social work, and international practice. She is also an award-winning filmmaker and playwright, using storytelling to advance trauma-informed and culturally responsive care.

Contact Dr. Kerry Ann Zamore Byrd:
Phone: (254) 247-1262

In this episode, we explore:
• Root causes and recurring patterns of violence
• The impact of culture, conditioning, and silence
• Mental health, trauma, and intervention strategies
• Accountability and the role of men and community leadership
• Pathways for protection, prevention, and healing

This is not just a conversation—it is a call to action.

If we are serious about freedom, then we must be serious about protecting the lives, dignity, and humanity of Black women.

Air Date: Monday, April 27, 2026 at 7:00 AM CST
Broadcast: KRGN 98.5 FM | KVBM 104.7 FM
Platform: YouTube + Radio

Join the conversation. Share this message. Be part of the solution.

#RethinkingFreedom #ProtectBlackWomen #EndViolence #CommunityHealing #BlackWomenMatter #MentalHealthAwareness #BreakingTheCurse

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So the white man comes over from his cities where he's been crippled. From a society that is fear-based because it is patriarchal. See, in a matriarchal society, it's not that women rule. Women don't rule in a matriarchy. There's female-male balance. Just as there's female-male balance in the universe, there's female-male balance in all of this life. So who are we? The most humble beings on earth who are the most vulnerable beings on earth. We're even more fragile than a flower. There's flowers that will grow through snow, bare, naked. We can't survive in snow bare-naked. So here we are learning to live with the female. Because the female teaches men how to nurture. To put it simply, it's much more than this. But there's this balance, and we seek to maintain that female-male balance. And only the females live longer than men. Duh. You know? The human female is the only being on earth that's been chosen by the great mystery to be purified with the moon. But the moon. They're purified naturally. My god, we're men. We don't live as long as we know nothing about purification from within. So we have to create our purification rights. Hence the sauna. Or the inipi, the purification lodge. So we have this, and they teach men how to nurture. If you don't know how to nurture, then you're going to be afraid. If you don't know the forest, you will come to fear the forest. And what you fear, you will want to destroy. It's patriarchy, because they're out of balance. First living thing they fear are their women. Because they have no understanding of women. Women have this other sense, which the white male calls uh it's called intuition. That's what he calls it. I call it sacred knowledge. This ability to see things clearly. And think of the woman. The change of life, and where she becomes the elder that lives longer than men and has this full woman power. And so our ceremonies here on this earth are to celebrate womanhood, to learn minutely. So we go through the inipi, the purification lodge, the sauna, so that we can feel, have some little notion of what it's like to be purified. And we we go through the sundance and tear our flesh and create the blood. Because we want to have a minimal understanding at least of what childbirth is all about. When she tears her flesh and gives her blood to create life. What is patriarchal societies, the world over? I don't care if it's Islamic, Judaic, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist. They're all male gods. Have yet to see a male anything give birth. I'm sorry. Therefore, it's impossible for them to create.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

And today we are continuing a discussion that we started last week that was motivated by the tragedies that unfortunately have been all over the news regarding what I and many others are calling femicide, particularly against African-American women across the United States. And last week we shared some statistics that indicate that this is definitely not an issue that just pertains to women here in the United States, but it is a global issue. And we called some of the names of those women. And since that episode last week, we've had even more stories of unfortunately men going out and you know just committing heinous acts of violence against people that they should be loving and protecting. Today I have with me Dr. Carrie Ann Zamora Byrd, who was with us last week. I also have um Khalid Scott, who was also here with us last week. And we have a new guest who's joining us, Gilbert Richards. Dr. Carrie Ann Zamora Byrd is a clinical professor and the director of Baylor University's undergraduate school and school social work and field partnerships. I hope I got that right, and has over 20 years as a licensed clinical social worker. We will have an extended bio in the description because we want to give time for them to actually share their expertise. And of course, um, Khalid Scott is also a licensed um clinical social worker and a substance use disorder specialist. He works with veterans, he also has a private practice, and he's been doing this work for over 30 years as well. And we have um Gilbert Richards, who has a master's in special education, specifically working with second language learners, and he also has a master's in social work and clinical social work, um, originally born in um Belize, but now living and practicing here in the United States of America. And so we welcome all of you to Rethinking Freedom. So I'm going to start with this. You got to hear um the elder mean speak. What stood out to you most in that video and why? And I'm gonna start with Gilbert Richards since he is joining us um on this topic for the first time.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

I I'm really grateful to be here. Um the thing that stood out to me, and that's because it resonates with where I am, where I am at in my life right now, um, and it's the idea of balance. We live in a seriously materialistic society that is focused on um economic uh success above all. Um for capitalism and the the welfare of the inner man is uh completely ignored. We don't pay any attention to it, we don't um give any credence to it, it's not centered in the way how we move through life and the things that we focus on. The thing that resonated with me most in what the elder was sharing was this idea of understanding and practicing balance. We are the way we are in this society and around the world because we're out of balance, and nothing that we do, either in the educational realm or in the area of spiritual practice, helps us to maintain or rebalance the way how we move through life.

SPEAKER_04 7:03

All right, how about you, um, Mr. Scott?

SPEAKER_01 7:07

Right, what stood out to me, um, which and it makes so much sense is the misunderstanding of women, you know, and which leads to this patriotical um mindset in society that women are beneath, our women are behind us, instead of understanding that we can't do anything without our women, right? Um, as a man who was raised by a single mother who ended up being uh self-described a great man, it was because of my great mother and her strength, her sacrifices, her tenacity is what made me who I am, and she is the she has created a legacy, you know, and how we don't always see our women in the roles that they are, how we don't hold them up as the queens as they are, and then the aftermath is what we've been seeing over the last three weeks, you know, and we need to change the mindset of how we see women, you know what I'm saying, and understand that we can grow so much more, and you know, just statements like happy life means a happy wife, you know, or or just the the the the women are the mothers of the earth, you know, and and we can't take that lightly. And even when I think about why I came into social work 33 years ago was because I came in with the premise as a 23-year-old man that I want to help make the lives of women and children better as a man, and I'm highly protective of women. So we we gotta protect our women, we absolutely gotta protect our women. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Yes, and how about you, Dr. Zamore Bird? Uh, thank you so much for inviting me again, I um, you know, I as I listen to the video, I would I would definitely have to align with what um Gilbert Richards said, and that is balance. And I would add to it really being in tune with oneself as to where we are and how we fit in the earth, and also as we fit in with our purpose. And so I think when when you truly understand who you are, then you're better able to respect other people. And I would say that's what I get from it. Whether it is men, women, you're able to respect other people when you begin to respect yourself by understanding your own divine purpose. And so I would say that's what I got from it. That's that's really, and I and I and I I thoroughly enjoy listening to how he explained womanhood, patriarchy, and and really, like Mr. Gilbert said, the balance of it all. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:10

Certainly for me, um, in agreement with what you all have shared, um, the notion that what you don't understand you fear. And if you fear it, then you seek to destroy it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

Really resonated with me because it it, I mean, even as children, it's that lesson of stranger danger, right? So it's strange, therefore, it's danger. And of course, there's a component of that that is helpful in terms of protecting ourselves, but when it becomes part of your even it within your intimate relationships, and rather than understanding what is going on within you and why this other person evokes fear in you? Is it your insecurities? Is it, you know, is it a is it has it triggered a trauma? You know, is it a mother wound? Is it a father wound? You know, what is it that has been triggered that is evoking this response from you? And instead you lash out. You know, these are these are things that we need to be able to process. So when we talk, you know, today I really want us to to help give our audience, um, our listeners some tools. Because the responses that we got from from so many people who watched who listened last week was they people people came in from different perspectives, like, hey, I feel like the men weren't being held accountable, or oh, I totally understand how men feel and how they might sometimes feel dismissed. But the question is, okay, and then now what? So when we talk about violence against black women, because the statistics are we can't dispute them, right now in the United States of America, a black woman is more likely to experience violence at the hand of an in of an intimate partner than any other demographic, right? So, and from black men. So, what are the real root causes beyond what we typically hear? And what are some of the warning signs that when people see it? Because you know, we always play this Monday morning quarterback. What are some of the warning signs that maybe I'm a woman I should be paying attention to? As a man, I should be paying attention to, like, hey, okay, it's time for me to remove myself, go get help, or it's time, yes, it's time for me to protect myself, or it's time for me to intervene. What are some of the things that we should be paying attention to as we talk about violence against black women?

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Right. Well, I want to say this. Um, I did since last week, I've done this is my seventh podcast talking about this issue. Okay, it's a hot topic, and it should be, right? And one of the questions that I asked um um a panel of women, I wanted understanding as a man, right? And I think I might have touched upon it last week with us, right? Was that what attracts a woman to a toxic, dysfunctional-minded man, right? Because the assumption is women are attracted to the what? The bad boy, right? Women have this thing about the man who's more aggressive, assertive tends to be more attractive to you, right? And the women said something very powerful. It's how it's and and I knew the answer, but I guess I wanted to hear it from the ladies themselves. And they said is you are conditioned, you are taught by the men you are raised around, the men in your village, right? So if the men are toxic and dysfunctional, why wouldn't you be attracted to them if that's all you've seen, if that's been role modeled to you? And you have to make a conscious effort to say, no, I don't deserve to be in that type of relationship, being treated that type of way. So I think it starts right with us is that being mindful, what am I attracting? And if I'm hearing the things that should make me go the opposite way, let's start paying attention to the red flags. If I, if I, if, if um Dr. Carey goes out on a date with me, we meet up at Starbucks, right? And I tell her, well, you know what, the last two women I dated, they had to put orders of protection on me. You know, because they they're crazy, but they thought I was crazy because of my response, right? Well, that's just say, mmm, maybe that's something I need to be mindful of. If two other women put orders of protection on Khalid, not going to, well, you know what, they just he was misunderstood by them. Those are the red flag things. So we we need to pay attention to when God has given us the indicators that this may not be the best person for us. Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

And so may I I would say so, those are some glaring red flags, right, Khalid, where we talk about poor decisions. But I don't, I don't think it's always that much of a red blinking light, right, right, in a lot of situations. I think that there are subtle, right, subtle things that a lot of women miss. Because when you go on a date, if someone has these glaring red flags, more than likely you're going to say, I'm not gonna do that again. Everyone presents their representative first.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Right. That's right. Right?

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Nobody goes on a on the nobody goes on a date hoping to be hit upside the head or hoping to be controlled on the first date, even the first whatever. There's a representative. But even in that stage of representative, there are subtle signs of control. Because at the end of the day, domestic violence is power and control. So there are subtle signs of control. There's subtle signs of isolation, and it starts with verbal, right? It could start with just verbal abuse, meaning, I don't really like your hair like that. I like it when you do it that way better. It's just more attractive. I like you better without makeup.

SPEAKER_04 16:58

I like you better without makeup. But you asked for my number when I was when I had makeup on. Oh, full face of makeup.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

But here we are 30 days later. It's like that lipstick is just too red. I don't, I don't know. Maybe I I like it better. And you think it's subtle, right? But that is that may be an incident where that's genuinely, I don't like red lipstick. But it's usually paired with some other things, and it's a pattern of coercive behavior that doesn't get better with time. And so those are some of the red flags that you have to pay attention to. I think, and and I don't think it's necessarily this huge aggressor that the media portrays. There are very mild-mannered men who abuse women. There are even tempered men in public who are abusive. Because once again, we talk about power and control. That is the base element for domestic violence. It's isolation, verbal, emotional, psychological, all of these things happen before the very first hit. And so those are some of the warning signs you have to look at. If you, if if a woman, and I say women because women are more likely to report, right? But men do get abused as well. If you have past incidences, whether it is childhood abuse, so there's something that we do call the adverse childhood um test, right? It's called an ace. So if you have, if you are exposed to childhood violence or some type of anything, any type of childhood trauma, you are more likely to accept that behavior, right? That's that's what it says. If you've had an unstable life in any way, you're more likely to accept that behavior because in your formative year, your adolescent years, there was something that you needed. And so, Aya, one of the things that when we talk about what's needed, we're gonna talk about Maslow's hierarchy of needs when we talk about working with persons who have been victimized. But the base is power and control. That's what we're looking at.

SPEAKER_04 19:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

How about you, Gilbert? Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

I I was just thinking, uh, you know, as you guys were talking, I was trying to um to compile together what it looks like when the person who is um trying to exert control is exerting control because they feel um oppressed or they feel small or or marginalized or less, right? And I know that this is one of the things that um requires a restructuring of our society, right? This is not going to change just because I changed. Now I need to change, but that's not going to change the way our society works. And so a lot of the times, um, when you're talking about red flags, one of the things that is very, very important is to understand that power dynamic and why it exists, and to be able to see it before it gets to the point where you need to be making decisions about running or escape, right? Because just like Dr. Beard says, those pieces are there, they're typically very subtle, right? But women tend to have this what uh uh the the elders said to us, uh, women's intuition, this sixth sense, right? Uh, it's not that men doesn't have it, but it's not as fully developed in us for whatever reason as it is in the women, and so women have this thing, it tells them this dude right here, you need to be careful. This dude right here, you need to sit up straight and listen. Right? And when you get those inner nudges, right? Because that's all they are little nudges of conscience, little nudges of intuition that tells you, uh be careful, be careful, right? Listen to them, listen to them because I think one of the things that happens in our society is that if you're a woman and you are looking to find a partner, you're looking to connect, then you ignore a lot of those things because your primacy, the goal that you're looking for. For is that connection. And so you you don't worry about the you know the little things, the subtle things that that you actually are very aware of, and you saw them and you felt them, but you ignore them.

SPEAKER_04 22:12

Yeah. I'm so glad you said that part. And I'm not always sure that it's necessarily ignoring, as much as it's also the messages you're getting from society, because you're also told to be submissive.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 22:30

You're also told to go, you know, the alpha male is gonna protect you. And part of alpha male is he's he's gotta exert his power over you in some way, right? And you should be fine because you know you be feminine, right? We use that now. Be feminine, stop being a masculine woman, right? And and so it's like you're being too picky. Just go with the flow. Um, so there are messages women are getting as well, even when your gut might be telling you something. On the other hand, you're like, Well, am I challenging his manhood? Should I be more agreeable? I mean, I remember going getting ready to go to law school, and I was gonna be getting my master's and my law degree at the same time, and some of my mother's friends saying, Hold up, you already have two degrees, you're not married yet. You're gonna get these other degrees. Who are you gonna marry? And and these are the that you know, so I'm not so so there there's there's a lot at stake here, but so we're talking about the messages women are getting. What are the messages men are getting that cause them to show up in a certain way? And and let me put this part because the elder started to well alluded to this. Is what are the historical forces that are impacting these interactions as well? Who who wants to take that first?

SPEAKER_02 24:10

I'll jump in there. So um the the I I just want to say a little bit about the messages that the men are getting, right? Because the same community that is building women is also building men. So we're getting the messages from the same space as the women are getting their messages about submission, we are getting our messages about being the alpha male, right? And I want to uh say this term that I learned from um a teacher many, many years ago that dominance is not the same thing as protection. Right, but we can make the mistake of understanding as a man that I am being protective, but being protective for me, I am only expressing that protection as dominance because that is the only way I know how to. I never actually learned how to be protective and as a as a whole person without being dominated, without being overly aggressive, and so we're talking about the messages that we're receiving, that is a part of where we have to go to get our solutions, right? So we're receiving these messages, we know that these messages are messed up, they're mixed up, yeah. So we need to go back to our historical uh uh uh context, right? We are um we have been dismembered as Africans in this part of the world. Um, we were severed, our ancestors were severed from the connection of who they were, dragged across this part of the world, and then forcefully indoctrinated for 400 years. There is no way you come out of that normal, right? Right?

SPEAKER_04 26:13

I I I always tell you the the brother, the brothers on the continent are just as uh because relic religion has infiltrated everything, so they they're beating us up over there too.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

I'm just gonna dragged across the uh ocean, right? But but they were also indoctrinated for 400 years, yeah, right? Because they were colonized, yes, right? Um, and imperially led. Yeah, so you know, we we we are all we all have to begin at that space where first we need to return, right? Uh, there's a big thing going on right now about reparations and and you know, repair and all of that stuff. Well, there first needs to begin to be internal repair, right? Reparations needs to start inside because the most broken part of us as members of humanity is our inner being that is so fractured and so uh disparately far from what it needs to be in order for it to be presented as a whole person, right, in this world.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Right, yeah, and I want to follow up with that. Um, black men get mixed messages and contradictory messages, right? So let me give you an example. Um, we're the most um the most lust after race of men in the world. Everybody wants y'all, everybody wants us. You know what I'm saying? Everybody wants us. I have this beard because I've been told beards on black men are sexy. All right now. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? And so what happens is, but the contradiction is we're the most feared men. So on one half, if we get on the elevator with a woman, either she's turned on by us, right, and she's gonna look our way, or she's scared of us and it's gonna clutch our purse. So we walk in contradiction. When I walk down the street and I see a group of women, or she does both simultaneously. Right, right. You know what I'm saying? And so, you know, I remember they did a um um um uh uh LeBron did a cover uh Vogue, and they depicted him in the same pose as King Kong with Faye Ray, and he had Giselle in his arm, but they it was a depiction of a gorilla whole, you know, embracing a blonde um white woman. Fragile white woman. Absolutely, absolutely, and remember Mazda didn't want us to be with Missy Ann, but Missy Ann, because he told her not to be with us, she came to the um um the the um the the field house or the quarters, the slave quarters to be with us, and I didn't even realize until 2018 when I did a presentation on black male sexuality that master and his hands were molesting black male slaves. Yeah, I did not know that. Yeah, so here it is, and then I remember doing a cultural competency um training, and I said, I wanted to do an icebreaker, and I said, Um, men of race, what's the stereotypes? So when I asked the audience, when you think of the world's richest men, what race comes to mind? White. When you think of the men who are most family-oriented, what race of men come to mind? Hispanic. When you think of the most intelligent men on the planet, what race comes to mind? Asian. When you think of the most athletic, sexual prowess man, what race comes to mind? Black. And this was the audience response. And I said, this is the summation of that. Every other man, his worth is from the neck up. Black men, our worth has been told is from the neck down. So when I am a body, am I when I'm a piece of meat, why why would you give me any respect? You will fetish me. So if we're dealing with that, right? And now, black men, we've owned it. I'm seeing black athletes on Twitter making nude videos. Here it is, football players were seen as the most masculine man. Now they're posing nude on Twitter. So it's the mixed messages. I was out hanging with one of my buddies yesterday, the seat Michael. And he, when we walked past the Devil Wears Prada, my buddy, who's Uber masculine, was like, I'm going to see that movie. And I was like, You're going to see the Devil Wears Prada? That's a girl movie. I would go and see it because I'm emotional intelligence, right? I'll take my daughter. But to hear my buddy said, he was like, Khalid, I'm a movie buff. I like Meryl Street. And I was like, How how open is that now?

unknown 31:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

You know what I'm saying? That me and some of us are transitioning where we're not stuck on the.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

There is a transition happening.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Yeah. I would definitely agree with um with both gentlemen on what they say. And I would add to that, um, reconciliation begins with oneself. When you truly understand who you are, and I'm going to go back again to your divine purpose on earth and you love yourself, as you wrote in your book, Aya, which I have a copy of, then when you understand who you are and you truly love yourself, it is hard to hurt another human being, right? Particularly someone that you are in relationship with, whether you are male or female. So it goes back to understanding, accepting, and reconciling with ourselves, with our childhood hurt, with our generational trauma, because I think all of us have some type of generational trauma, right? That has been passed down. Um, and the way it shows up and how we are resilient, it differs. And we respond to things differently because of that. So it truly means everybody needs to come. There are three therapists on here, and I believe we accept all insurances. So really reconcile. It starts with reconciling with oneself. I would say that's where the community, the family, this is where it is a systems theory approach to healing.

SPEAKER_05 33:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

Yeah, yeah. I think it was Dr. Nadine Burke who said if there is a um a well of contaminated water, right? And everyone in the village drinks from that well and they get sick, and you keep giving everyone medication, but they're still drinking from the well, we are crazy. You would go to the well and say, what is wrong with the water? And you would treat the water so that when they continue to drink, they will be well. We keep on seeing the same problem, and we're using the same systems with all the barriers to treat the problem.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

Correct.

SPEAKER_04 33:57

Wow. Yeah. Yes. I I totally agree with you on that. And and part of the system is, you know, for me, or some of the books, some of the information that I've even gotten, you know, that talks about the differences between men and women, but doesn't really get to the core of issues. I I know being in the Christian faith, um, in fact, I think I'm looking at one of them right now, it's called love and respect. And so this whole idea of men need respect, women need love. And as a woman, I'm like, I need both.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 34:29

And so I have seen situations in my own life, I've observed them in the relationships of other people around me where a man can do something to a woman and it's okay. If she does the same thing to him, she disrespected him. You know, just to stand, you know, but it's like, no, we actually all need we're human beings. You need love and respect. I need love and respect too. It's not just one or the other, but there's some things that that we're being taught out there. So I do want to draw, we we've talked about some of the messages men are getting, how this is impacting them. Why are black women so unheard, if you will? Why are they so unprotected? And how is this notion of the strong black woman playing into what we see going on, if at all?

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Yeah, let me let me let me um go with that one. I was talking to my mentees this week and a group of my male friends talking about my post from last week that went viral when I said we black men must protect our black women. And why do they think that men gave me such pushback, right? Because I trust my mentees, I trust my male friends. And one of the some of the things I heard them say is, Well, Khalid, sometimes black women walk in contradiction. So just like I was just saying about men, women, and I say, Well, brother, what do you mean by that? Well, when you hear black women, they always talking about how strong they are, how uh resilient they are, how they can handle so much. So, what happens is when we hear that same message over and over and over, and we hear those terms like men ain't I don't need a man. And one of my friends says, Have you ever heard another race of woman say that out loud in public about her race of men? But we have heard at least one black woman say it. So the more you say those terms to us logic-thinking men, you're telling us you don't need us. Plus, we've seen our super mamas. Again, I was raised by a single mama who had me when she was 18 years old. So, in our mindset, our women got this, right? But then we must grow and use emotional intelligence to understand they got this because they have no choice. We raise our girls to be independent because we think who's gonna marry them. But it sounds like every other race of woman is told as a little girl, if you don't get married, you're not a woman. At least that's what we've heard. So you got other every other race being told you a man is a necessity. While black women here, men are luxury items. All right, okay.

SPEAKER_04 37:34

Let's go to Gilbert and then we'll come to you, Dr. Bird. What's your take on this? Um, I I'm loving this conversation.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

Yes, I I want to pull us back um to the whole, to the community. Because I I really think that um if we try to um to your point, Dr. Baird, we continue to drink the dirty water from the well, then we will keep having dysentery.

SPEAKER_05 38:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

Um and so I want to pull us back to the community and I want to ask, where are we getting our messages from? So if if my messaging about who I am as a man is coming from broken, fractured, incomplete, unhealthy men. Yes, right, but they they don't know that they're broken, incomplete, and unhealthy.

SPEAKER_04 38:37

You mean I shouldn't get it from like hip hop women or B I no, not from there? Okay, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 38:43

Carry on, right? And the same for the women, right? They're getting their messaging about who they are from broken, incomplete, unhealthy people, and so then uh all these broken, incomplete, and unhealthy people are coming together. There is no way they're gonna have healthy relationships, right? There is no way they're gonna be able to interact with each other in ways that are healthy and meaningful and life affirming and building. That's not gonna happen, right? Uh, it was uh Dr. Daniel Black who said that we hear the term often that says it takes a village to raise a child. And he said that might be a whitening of a true African saint. The African saint is that it takes a whole village to raise a whole child.

SPEAKER_04 39:43

A whole village.

SPEAKER_02 39:44

Right? We don't want no incomplete, broken, unhealthy people raising our children, even if they're a part of the village. We want people who know who they are, who stand firmly in their own sense of self, fully actualized, fully functioning human beings. Those are the people we want to be feeding into who we are as individuals, right? So um we need to uh figure out how to rebuild, re reconfigure our communities so that our communities are feeding from clean, well watered so that they're producing people that are healthy, healthy, whole, fully actualized individuals.

SPEAKER_01 40:33

That's right.

SPEAKER_03 40:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

Excellent.

SPEAKER_03 40:36

I'm not too sure what else I could add to that. That was so well said, um, Gilbert. And and I I think the only thing that I will say to that is when we look at history and where black women, although we have achieved a lot, right, we are still receiving negative messages in society. When we look at black maternal health, we're still ignored by doctors. We're still, I I, I, I detest the phrase the strong black women, because it doesn't mean that we don't feel pain, right? It doesn't mean we carry weight, right? And we had we have had to carry weight, and so we make it look easy, right? And so, but at the end of the day, we realize we have to have us, we got us, and we do it because we don't have a choice, yes, we don't have the luxury of not doing it right because we've always done it, and so what I will say is, you know, that this this this notion of why are black women so wow, you know, I I think at some times we we are the most educated in the in America, yet still the most hated and the most discriminated against. And um, how do we solve that, Gilbert? I love what you said. It takes a whole village to raise a whole child because we are we there's a lot of brokenness, right? There's a lot of brokenness, and you have a lot of highly educated women still raising broken children because there's something unhealed. Unhealed in a lot of us.

SPEAKER_04 42:31

Yeah. So I I'm gonna add this. Um, this past weekend I had um the opportunity to attend an event. I won't mention the name of the event, but it was women, black women mostly. There were some other women from other um ethnicities, but mostly black women and very high achieving black women. And part of a conversation that was had was burnout and highly functioning depressed women. Where you you you kids gotta be fed, bills gotta be paid, you gotta keep the job, you gotta, you know, think that you you you you don't get to you don't get to check out because there's so much depending on you. And so to everybody, and then you know, we've also been taught you don't look like what you're going through. You know, we you're gonna come out, you're gonna put your game face on, all of that. But that doesn't mean that beneath it all, um, who's it? Was it Smokey Robinson that talked about you can't see the tracks of my tears? Yes. Um, and you know, you see the smile on my face. Um, so there's more that we need to talk about. So let's jump into that part of it. How do we heal? What are what are what are the opportunities here? Um You're all therapists, you're all doing this work. For the little girl who might be watching this, the teenage girl, the teenage boy who already gets so enraged when he walks up to a girl and tries to shoot his shot, and she says, I'm not interested. And he's already in his mind, like, for that father who is not connecting with his children, but blaming the woman, you know, for all of those, and and they, you know, every situation is varied. But what are the tools out there? Where can people get help? And if every one of you can just take a turn sharing, sharing your response to that. Right. I'm gonna go really quickly, Aya.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

Um, and so one of the things that I I think it's so critical is conversations like this, right? Because I I think as a black community is not something that we do well, is really pass down stories and communicate well about things that are in our generational line or in our family so that we can begin to heal. In my other part of my life, I am a playwright playwright and an award-winning filmmaker. Yes, I had the opportunity to direct fences, and I did a lot of research in what August Wilson intended in writing that. And when I explored the character Troy Maxson and the trauma of drama, fatherhood, and the generational and intergenerational trauma through all of the male figures in that. One of the things I saw was the need for us to have community forums, family conversations to really talk about healing. Yes. Healing begins with narrative therapy. This is how cognitive behavioral therapy works. It's a changing of the mind by having intentional conversations, saying, you know what, this happened to me. I didn't deal with it well, and acknowledging, acknowledging. That's how it starts. That's how reconciliation starts by acknowledging the brokenness within, by exposing it. And as black people, we tend to cover it, bake a pie and pass it to each other. And those are not a generation. Maybe not a pie, but a pancake, right? It's gonna taste good in the interim. Exactly. But those are the things that we have to do because if you look back generations back, it was storytelling that will pass. That's how we understood things about our family. We have to go back to some basic things to heal the whole village so our children can be healed.

SPEAKER_04 47:08

So you're saying you're saying these secrets that we're keeping are not helping us? No, they're not. And I'm about to write another play about it. Okay. And by the way, let me let me make a real quick plug for those of you watching, listening to us in Central Texas. Um, intelligent and talented girls, our next event is on May 9th, and it's called Threads of Us. It's an intergenerational conversation between mothers, daughters, and grandmothers. We are curating this whole experience for generations to talk to each other and tell these stories and really get to know each other in ways that we don't typically do, and to create a keepsake. So go to the website intelligentandalentedgirls.com. All of our events are free and register and come and let's start healing together. All right, palette, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

All right. So let me go back to our clinical training. You know, when we get a client, we do what a needs assessment to a social history, we create a treatment plan, and then we start implementing the interventions, and then we do quarterly reviews, right? That's our baseline. Well, you know what? I practice that in real time. So I have a beautiful 23-year-old daughter, right? Who's a medical student. And last weekend, my daughter said, Daddy, I am scared of men. She said, Daddy, when I walk down the street, I and men try to talk to me, I answer each and every one of them, even when I don't feel like it. Because, daddy, I don't want a man to call me the B word or the H word or pull out a knife and stab me because I might have been listening to my headphones. You gotta know that did something to me, right? And then remember, I work with 20 men in my practice, 40 men at the VA hospital, and I got 10 mentees. So my platform is working with men, making men better, right? So my daughter is my inspiration. The women I love are my inspiration. And so let me give you an example of when the work is working. I was sick this week. One of my mentees came over today, and he brought me a bag of Doritos, my sweet iced tea, and he brought me some flowers. So I said, Demarion, uh what made you get me flowers? He said, Coach, let me tell you what happened. Remember when I was asking you, should I give my dad flowers? And you was like, Yes, men don't mind getting flowers because the sentiment of getting flowers is I want to perk you up, make you feel better, make you feel loved. So, why shouldn't men receive flowers? He said, Coach, I wasn't asking that about my dad. I wanted to get, I wondered how you felt about flowers, but I used my dad. And so when you said that to me, it planted a seed in my head. Give my coach flowers. That made me feel so good. And I've been working with him for two years, and then I got another mentee, he's pledging my fraternity right now. So I started thinking about the impact. If I walk the walk as a good man, men like looking at other men, and we look up to men, especially men who are doing well, and we emulate. That's why we're good at being soldiers. You know what I'm saying? We like structure, believe it or not. We like routine, right? If you didn't know that about men, we do. When you don't have structure, when you don't give us routine, we run all over the place. That's why you got to keep us focused. So I've learned in working with men, go back to the basis, like Dr. K said. Give us the fundamentals and we'll do better. So I'm teaching men how to better show up in the world and to our women. I'm one person, but I'm making an impact. And the more of us who continue to do it and are consistent with doing that and having that kind of mindset, the better off we'll be.

SPEAKER_04 51:47

Yep. And so what I'm hearing, even if you are not a licensed therapist, you can be a mentor.

SPEAKER_01 51:55

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 51:56

You can mentor young men and quite frankly, older men, middle-aged men, because you know, men, y'all like to talk basketball, all kinds of frivolous stuff, but not get to the nine-gritty of stuff. So start to create spaces where you all can really have these hard-to-heart conversations if a woman can weigh in on that. And how about you, Gilbert? What words of wisdom would you like to leave with us?

SPEAKER_02 52:23

Well, I don't know if they're words of wisdom, but at least some words.

SPEAKER_04 52:26

Oh, I know they are words of wisdom. I know that.

SPEAKER_02 52:31

Um, the the Maasai warriors, uh, the Maasai tribe in in you know various parts of Eastern Africa, when they meet each other, they say to one another, Cassarian in Jira. So whether you are uh a chief Maasai warrior or a fledgling or an apprentice Maasai warrior, or you are not even a Maasai Warrior yet, you're just a kid. When you meet your fellow Maasai, you say to each other, Cassiran in Jira. And it means, and how are the children? And the response is sapati in Jira. The children are all well. We have missed the most important thing because we have focused on the tree and not the forest. So when you the when the elder said earlier today, if you do not understand the forest, the forest is going to instill fear in you. And that thing that you fear, you're gonna try to kill it. Right? Uh women are an enigma to men on this planet. Not just black women, all women. I have been reading through the the Bible with uh new eyes. An African-focused, um, non-gendered reading. It is very difficult but important. Because what it has shown me is that these same Judeo-Christian moral ethical underpinnings that run through all of our societies, that build almost all of the structures by which we are governed, by which we make laws, by how we hold each other morally and ethically responsible, all of those underpinnings come from our Judeo-Christian foundation. And that foundation is built on uh uh misogyny and patriarchy and just playing out blatant hate and riddled through with violence. Talk about dirty water. I mean, we are drinking some plague-infested, black plague-infested water, and we have been drinking it for thousands of years. Is it any wonder that our internal health is so messed up? Is so full of things that we can't really touch or deal with? So we need to go back to how the Messiah saw the world. The most important part of the Messiah community are the children. Because if you mess up the children, your society is done. And what we have not learned in 2,000 years, right, since these people have taken over the world and have run it the way how they've wanted to, is that if you keep on messing up the kids, you keep on producing a society that keeps on doing the same things that are self-destructive and will lead us right into the ditch again. And so here we are. So at the very core, at the simplest, simplest, most uh basic thing that we need to do is we need to rethink what it means to be in this world. And whether you're a man or a woman, that rethinking must take place in order for us to move together as a community in a healthy way.

SPEAKER_04 56:58

Well, I definitely want to thank all of you for each each of you for this very nuanced and and very spiritual conversation that we've had tonight.

SPEAKER_05 57:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 57:13

Um, it it's not about the yelling or throwing you know words at each other or the clickbait. These are serious issues. Um we have we have named the silence, we have named the harm, we are naming the ways our community at times has failed to protect both males and females. Um, but we're also naming something else, the responsibility we have for our own healing, the role that we each can play. And because this is not really just about blame. We must name what it is and take accountability, but now what do we do about it? So it's truth telling, it's protection, and it's about real love. The kind that does not just ignore harm, that just says, girl, just work it out, or you know, it's gonna be okay, you know, just these platitudes. Um, black women should not have to be strong enough to survive violence. Right, they should be safe enough to never experience it. And our black men, our brothers, our sons, our partners, our fathers, you deserve healing too. But healing cannot happen without accountability. And accountability is not punishment, it is a it is transformation.

SPEAKER_01 58:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 58:32

So we need to listen more, we need to have more of these dialogues, and anyone can do it. You can invite a group of brothers, a group of sisters, a group of couples. We need to be having these conversations with our teenagers, teaching them about how to set boundaries, letting young people know that they can trust their intuition, and not teaching them to just, you know, ignore that inner voice, right? We can speak up, especially when it's uncomfortable, and model for our young people how to do the same. Because this is not just a woman's issue, it is not just a men's issue, it is about our community, it's a human issue, and it is our issue. And it's about the freedom of us all. So I want to thank you all again. Please like, subscribe, go to the description on YouTube and look up each of these amazing individuals, follow them, get some more assistance from them. They can connect you with some additional resources as well. You're either part of the solution or you're part of the problem. Let's all be part of the solution. Thank you all again for joining us. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 59:52

Absolutely.