Kingdom Lens on Family Dynamics

What shaped an entire generation more than any other factor? Divorce. As Gen X children, we found ourselves navigating a world where the traditional family structure was crumbling around us. Divorce rates doubled from 10 per 1,000 to 22 per 1,000 during our formative years, affecting over a million children annually by the 1980s.

Sean and John dive deep into this cultural phenomenon, exploring how divorce created bizarre social dynamics where having both parents at home could make you the "weird kid" in the neighborhood. We share personal stories from opposite sides of this divide – one raised in a two-parent home and constantly teased for it, the other longing for more connection with an absent father.

Perhaps most fascinating is our discussion of how male pop icons filled the father-figure void for countless Gen X youth. Michael Jackson and Prince weren't just musicians – they became surrogate role models teaching everything from style to masculinity. We reflect on MJ's 2009 passing and the profound grief it triggered, particularly among those who saw him as more than just an entertainer.

The conversation shifts to blended families, which we compare to a slow-cooking stew where different family members integrate at varying speeds – some quickly becoming part of the family flavor, others taking years, and some perhaps never fully blending in. This reality demands extraordinary patience and what the Bible calls "long-suffering" – the willingness to endure discomfort for extended periods while relationships develop naturally.

Whether you're managing a complicated family structure, interested in generational dynamics, or simply curious about how cultural icons shape our development, this episode offers thoughtful perspectives on how family shapes us all. Subscribe now and join the conversation about what it means to create healthy families in an increasingly complex world.

Transcript

Episode Introduction and Zoo Plans

Speaker 1 0:03

This is the Gospel Twins, with your hosts, sean and John, your go-to podcast for the kingdom perspective on current events and the good news God has for the culture. Get ready to renew your mind, one piece at a time.

Speaker 2 0:19

People of God. People of God, welcome to the Gospel Twins podcast, where you get your mind renewed piece by piece and episode by episode.

Speaker 3 0:27

I am sean and I'm john, and we are the guys gospel twins.

Speaker 2 0:38

All right, bro yeah, man, ah, dude, taking the kids to the zoo today, the grandkids to the zoo, so I'm hyped about that. I myself as an animal person. I haven't been to the zoo in a long time, so oh man, that's going to be straight. Yeah, so I had my decision yesterday Toledo, detroit and I was like you know what I'm going to? I'm going to support the Detroit this time.

Speaker 2 1:04

You know, I was about to say you about to make the Toledo right now I got it, got to hook up the D, got to support the D.

Speaker 3 1:15

I heard the zoo that they got a lot better. The zoo got a lot better bro.

Speaker 2 1:19

It has, it has, and that's what I had to sell to my wife yesterday. She like OK. She was saying Toledo and our boy D-Lon, who lives in Toledo, was like D-Lon what up? I was like man, I got to support D bro.

Speaker 3 1:38

You know, man, I've never been to the Toledo Zoo bro. I've been once You've been once. Is it really all that that people, especially how it was compared to our zoo. Was it all that?

Speaker 2 1:54

I would say this it was more exhibits and it was a little better, but I mean you're spending more gas getting there and it was still. I mean, it was the zoo man.

Speaker 3 2:04

I mean, was it like, like was the? Was the ratio of it being much better worth the longer trip? And all that to you and your opinion.

Speaker 2 2:13

See, but the years between from I went to Detroit to Toledo was almost like a decade.

Speaker 3 2:18

So I really started to judge. That was, that was what.

Speaker 2 2:21

Yeah, so, but I probably could tell you today at the leaving today, but I do follow this woman who go to zoos. Man, I'll take Me Okay. I can't think of a name, but she has a nice little page and she goes around in these little small zoos, big zoos and, and so she was talking about going to Detroit and she said this man, after her visit and her nice little lengthy video, she said she definitely will go back to Detroit. So that helps scope my opinion and my decision to go.

Speaker 3 2:55

So yeah, yeah, yeah, Do she. Do she write them Like? Does she do anything like rates Like?

Speaker 2 3:02

yeah, I forgot what it was. But she, but the fact that she said and you think, I'll be back, yeah, yeah. And she tell you what things that you maybe you should skip, and you know maybe you should save your money here and save your money there.

Speaker 3 3:18

And I'm so okay, yes.

Speaker 2 3:20

And that's. That's what I like about TikTok stuff.

Speaker 3 3:25

Get you some information, man.

Speaker 2 3:27

Yeah.

Speaker 3 3:28

Yeah, make some informed decisions bro.

Speaker 2 3:31

Yes.

Speaker 3 3:32

Yeah, that's what's up, man, that's what's up. Man yes, that's hype yeah. What's up?

Speaker 2 3:38

with you, no, before. What's up with you, though?

Speaker 3 3:40

man, oh man, chilling. You know, bro, you know we in this house building thing, so that's, that's basically consuming most of the the time, because we actually had to go down there Friday and meet with our builder, pick out the bricks, the you know the colored bricks, stone roofing, bro, you know, when you talk about I'm going to get a house built, you know you just had this. Okay, I'm going to go get a house built, bro, it's going to be this square foot, it's going to be this, this, this. You just, bro, never knew how much is involved with this man. I mean, do they even picking out the color mortar?

Speaker 2 4:31

for the brick. You know what I mean. I'm like details, man, what is?

Speaker 3 4:39

oh, you know, got to go to this, the door work, the store. With it they have the doors. You know how your door is going to be. I'm like bro, I just want to build the house, man.

Speaker 2 4:54

You know they didn't have like a book of templates and stuff like that.

House Building Journey and Memories

Speaker 3 4:57

Oh, yeah, they do, they do, but then they'll tell you, well, you might want to go and see this in person, because a lot of times, man, the picture don't really you know it says something, give you an idea, like you said a template, but it's done until you really, you know, step into it and look at it, be like, oh okay, yeah, no, actually that's not, that's that. Don't look like, uh, what I would want to get. So, yeah, it did so. And then here's the brick places, like here in waterford, and and then the store places in novi. You know the door for the doors, and bruh and wifey love it, man, so I'll just you know, yeah so I'm just your bentley, you know, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 5:41

So I'm just your Bentley. You know the Fonz were yeah, driving around and like it's just be good, bro so.

Speaker 2 5:53

I'm happy for this man. It's pretty cool.

Speaker 3 5:55

Yeah, yeah, me too we do know, what you want to say.

Speaker 2 5:59

You want to say something bro, yeah, I mean, I know you all my life Mm. Hmm, yes, you all my life man. Yes, all my life man. We, I mean we, we connected on so many things, man, just so many stuff, like godzilla, just this stuff, yeah everything, mike, you know mj. There you go right there. Thank you, there's the alley-oop. His passing was just the other day oh, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 6:26

And I wanted to ask you. What I wanted to ask you was um, do you remember what you were doing when that happened, when that went down?

Speaker 3 6:36

Oh, when I found out that he passed.

Speaker 2 6:38

Oh man.

Speaker 3 6:39

Um, actually man, I don't, Unfortunately, actually man I don't unfortunately I don't.

Speaker 2 6:50

It was on the 25th okay, the 25th of June.

Speaker 3 6:54

Yeah, man, I'm trying, dude. I know it was significant, the impact when I heard about it but. I don't remember though exactly where, but yeah, no, I don't, man. How about you?

Speaker 2 7:10

oh, definitely remember. Oh, I know yeah, no, you would know bro it was this um, it was significant because, you know, I worked for ford motor company and so every summer we get shut down. Shut down this first week of july, so the week prior, like whatever, I get off that thursday leading up to that week or the friday it usually the last days in june, and I remember my last day and that in 2000, I think he he died in 2009.

Speaker 2 7:44

I was getting off work no, I can think about all of it and I had, you know, the single dad. But my kids. My kids are gone for the summer and I'm like, oh, I got to hit empty. Yes, yeah, man, I'm about to go on vacation for two weeks.

Speaker 3 8:01

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 8:02

And and I'm driving home, I get a phone call from my brother oh man and he said uh, hey, man, when you get home, what'd you say? What you at? I'm like, I'm on my way home. He said, when you get home, turn the television on and, um, there's a lot of paramedics at mike's house. Man, they don't look good, man, they don't look good. And I was like, and at that point in time, you know, mike's life was surrounded by chaos and all types of stuff you know.

Speaker 2 8:33

And so I took a step back on Mike during that time. There was a lot of stuff surrounded by him. But I get home, turn on CNN and there it was, and in real time he got rushed to the hospital and sure enough he didn't make it.

Speaker 1 8:50

And so yeah.

Speaker 2 8:51

So yeah, I I put the two together Mike's death and me going on vacation. So yeah.

Speaker 3 8:58

So you actually had to put in for bereavement, or not?

Speaker 1 9:01

Yeah. Well, well let me tell you, let me tell you.

Speaker 3 9:09

but I will tell you, what I do remember I do absolutely will tell you is when I did first the initial impact of hearing that he had passed and he was gone. You were immediately the first person I thought about my boy Hicks. I wondered, man, what he going through, bruh, what he going through? Because me and you had not yet connected back together, or nothing?

Speaker 3 9:36

Yeah, yeah, and it had been some years, but you still were the first person I you know. After the initial impact I thought about I was like, oh man, I wish I had a way of reaching out to him.

Speaker 2 9:49

I was, it was funny.

Speaker 3 9:52

Well.

Speaker 2 9:53

I appreciate that I was funny, is I? That was my first year on social media. I was my oh, is that right, that was my first year on social media, I was my oh, is that right that?

Speaker 1 10:07

was my first year on facebook.

Speaker 2 10:08

Wow, the, the, the condolences that was pouring in on that platform was ridiculous for you, yeah, for michael jackson yeah, I, I can imagine dude I do, I did, yeah, the sentiment.

Speaker 3 10:21

You just said yeah, the sentiment you just said most people share that Like oh, I thought about it, it's real bro.

Speaker 2 10:28

And what's funny is that you know Facebook. You show you the memory, so the memories came up on that day and I was reading the comments.

Speaker 3 10:36

And oh man yeah at the time.

Speaker 2 10:39

I was teared up that day, Nothing. I wasn't teared up because Mike passed. I teared up for the outpouring of love that I was receiving oh, that was coming. Yeah, oh, I just could man do it.

Speaker 3 10:49

Touch me man, wow I mean, it was well and even though we weren't probably more tuned in and understanding the spiritual reality of us being able to send, you know, sympathetic vibes towards people. But I'm sure you was getting them from everywhere, man. You definitely was getting them from me, bro. Yeah, because I was. You know, I wasn't on social. I get on social. The 2019, 10 years later.

Speaker 3 11:17

It's OK. So I didn't have no idea how to get get in contact with you, but you get. You get to ask wifey bro. I told her. I said, oh, my boy Hicks man, I know he taking this hard, taking this hard bro.

Reflecting on Michael Jackson's Passing

Speaker 2 11:39

So I went back and I was reading those memories and I was reading those comments and this time had me laughing. I was like oh, okay, and I was like yeah, that's dope, though, man, when you think about it.

Speaker 3 11:53

That's dope that that people can know you. So, uh, you know online and into somebody man, that actually touched you. You know, they know that mike man I mean obviously mike you know even from the jackson five days and stuff. You know they, they, they was, they climbed their way into our hearts and stuff, man, but mike, mike really uh, impacted the man. He impacted me a lot when we were younger man. But, yeah, but your, the impact he had on you man, I was impacted by the impact that he had on you, you know what I mean that's how major it was.

Speaker 3 12:32

And uh, yeah, because anything like anything in michael jackson, I always wanted to first like hook up with you, like yeah, dude, dude. You say, oh, there's a new poster already yeah, yeah that's heavy. I I know wifey ain't up there running the vacuum while we are. I know she ain't doing that. What is wrong with people, bro?

Speaker 2 13:08

What is wrong, oh man?

Speaker 3 13:12

I'm pleased Do you hear it?

Speaker 2 13:14

Can you hear it? I didn't hear it until you said it no, I can't.

Speaker 3 13:18

Dude, come on, man. Where the district? Why the district, man? Oh man, that's proud, but we're, you know, that's Right, hey, but we got to keep it above. We're going to have to, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 13:32

I've listened to podcasts my babies in the background. Right and I'm sure people, the last, the last two episodes. You heard my dog in the background, but so I made it a point to get him out here today right right yeah you got it and then he go. Wife, she'll never do that, bro hey, so you and I had a nice conversation. I hated that it had to end, but you know we were talking about the family construct yesterday.

Speaker 3 14:04

Yeah, now upbringing.

Speaker 2 14:07

You're from a two-parent home and I'm from a one-parent home.

Speaker 3 14:09

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 14:11

And that got me to thinking, my brother, about the social generations. Right, we are gen Xers.

Speaker 3 14:19

Yes.

Speaker 2 14:20

And our parents are boomers. Right, I pull my parents moments Okay. Yeah and, uh, our parents are boomers right up, boom boomers. Okay, yeah, and and so each generation has something to impact that generation, uh, an event, you know uh right the boomers uh. Jfk. Dr martin lukin assassination civil rights movement, uh. Then you got um, then you got the the millennials man and uh, internet, and um, I think gen z has the internet as well. Internet, uh, I think.

Gen X and the Impact of Divorce

Speaker 2 14:54

No, um, millennials have uh, uh, 9-1-1, 9-11 oh, okay, yeah, okay, right and um 911 and in the recession that followed that, and then, just he has social media and all that Right. Ok, and you know what affected our, our generation.

Speaker 3 15:18

What.

Speaker 2 15:20

Divorce. Oh man Well divorce in the women that made me think because you got, you had to pair home like a one and so many children were affected by divorce because the boomers man and they were called baby boomers because there was a lot and increase of the population.

Speaker 3 15:41

Oh, mm, hmm, Yep.

Speaker 2 15:43

And the genetics was a decrease because of the pill abortion.

Speaker 3 15:49

All of that color, the contraceptive, and yeah, I need to get to you.

Speaker 2 15:54

And seeing a mom's working so that that change. That change a lot of stuff, man. So divorce affected genetics more more than anything, man.

Speaker 3 16:03

And then that's that's in.

Speaker 2 16:05

The boomers man they say I like this up, and's true. And the boomers man they said I looked this up and I got I didn't like this. Uh, boomers man, divorce affected 10 people per thousand. Right by the time the 80s I was, that went up to 22 per 1000 and the forest touched 1 million children per year.

Speaker 3 16:27

Man doing that, oh wow.

Speaker 2 16:29

And so that you know we got got new family, blended families, two family, two family homes and remarriage. That affected our generation. But this article in this book that I'm listening to failed to mention one thing that affected our generation Cable cable TV.

Speaker 3 16:53

Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 16:54

Yeah, cable to MTV. Oh that's for sure yeah.

Speaker 3 17:00

You know, I'm saying that's absolutely right. That's a family construct man.

Speaker 2 17:05

And yeah, and we were talking about families and how you said, you got teased.

Speaker 3 17:11

Absolutely by having a regular nuclear family, which is, yeah, which is what it's supposed to be, yeah, it is Right. But you're 100% right that divorce and single parent rearing man, and impacted and we also got to, you know just keep it a buck that it all. It not only did it impact our, our generation, but it even had that subculture where it was even a greater impact in the black community. So the ratio was very, very big from the white single parent household and the black single parent household and we being in the minority. So per capita, it was just a greater impact in our communities, man. And so because of that fact, yeah, when you had the nuclear parent, you know to to parent household, you were the oddball and you know and got to like it was almost like an uncool thing that you had both your parents.

Speaker 2 18:22

That's crazy. So like what kind of, what type of things that you were here, man, you remember like oh man, man, just like, oh man, what you telling you?

Speaker 3 18:29

Scrub man, you know you can sit there and you got both, your, your dad, come home. You got to do what your dad said. This is not like I mean, bro, it was like. You know, man, I can't man my father going to be your dad, your father, your father still live with y'all. I'm like what? Yeah, him and my mom, they're married, you're going, he, he's your, he's all three of y'all father. You know his three kids, you know y'all got the same father.

Speaker 3 18:58

And, bruh, when you heard, and y'all got the same dad, bro, it was just you, ah, y'all them, them stuck up liberty, christian folk, you know, and this, religious, religious, this and all that, bro, it just was uncool. It was so uncool that you know my father man was just one of the dopest dudes ever man and but it was so much a big thing to be teased, man, I tried to plane down, you know, like, all you do is work, you know this, this, this, and, bro, I feel so bad because you know I'm selling out my dad to try, and you know, not be teased and be cool and stuff. So, yeah, it was, it was crazy man.

Speaker 2 19:43

Yeah, you know, I had the single mom with three kids and just, and you know and things that my mom went through. I mean she had you know bad being single raising three boys and an angst, she had to have a gun, you know she.

Speaker 3 19:58

Yeah, right, right.

Speaker 2 20:00

There's a situation where I started use it, man, you know. Wow yeah and I and it was so well known about that gun, I knew where it was. Where it was, yeah, uh I, I, if I wanted to go grab it, I could right, right I was scared of it, but there was a situation you knew what you had.

Speaker 2 20:22

Yeah, that knew if you had to do something there's a situation where, uh, uh, some somebody came into our house knowing my mom was gone, trying to like try to steal something and uh, my brother apprehended him, threw him to the floor, man and I ran and got that gun man and I got the gun.

Speaker 3 20:42

Wow, I got the gun and offered to my brother.

Speaker 2 20:44

he told me, me, he told me to put it up and call the police.

Growing Up: Two-Parent vs Single-Parent Homes

Speaker 3 20:48

Yeah, right, right, yeah, that's it yeah, yeah, yeah, you got the last chance. That's crazy. But you know what? At the same, on the flip of that too, you know, like I was saying, we were getting teased and stuff. I remember man people, your mom was to us, man she was, you know, it was dope to be in your household, yeah, you know, and it didn't hurt that your mom was, you know you know, she was she.

Speaker 3 21:19

She wasn't hiring on the eyes by any means, you know you know, still still still respect, you know, much respect, but, uh, you know, but it was man, it was cool man, you know, and your mom was cool. And then your mom worked at fair lane, which was the spot that you know was where everybody to go to, you know the, the mall. So you know, see, it's see you. You were held in a lot of aspects from that standpoint, where I was ridiculed, you know, by having the, you know the two parent house. So it's just, it's, it's just crazy how, how that dynamic man can take to take hold man in the community, and it did it definitely affected our community.

Speaker 2 22:10

Yeah, because my father came around, but not as much as I wanted him to Right right and it affected me. I had anger issues about that and later, when I got in high school, I ended up living with my paternal parents, hoping that.

Speaker 3 22:26

I would see my dad more, and I saw him maybe just as much or even less wow, yeah, which is weird uh, but yeah, man, um, that's great dude, that's so crazy how that impacts because you're you're longing for the, you know you're longing for the, you know, to have the two-parent, you know household, which should be the norm. Yeah, and me, I'm sitting here getting affected by because of most of the children I hung out with did not have that two-parent dynamic. So I'm more taking on that you know kind of vibe and spirit and going home and wishing I didn't have that, you know to parent dynamic. So which made me gravitate. I was a mama's boy, you know, because you know that's who raised most of, you know, the children in our communities. Man was the mother, you know, and uh, my mom man used to have to tell me, you know, well, wait till your dad come home. And this I'm like, why I gotta, you know, wait for him and so it caused that issue for a while.

Speaker 3 23:41

Man to where? Yeah, I, I kind of love that because of the people I hung out with were single. Yeah, you know, my best friends had seen, you know, with being raised by their mother. You know and do is crazy how that that worked, man, and yeah, that was huge and I didn't even think about it from that perspective.

Speaker 2 24:06

But divorce did impact our generation more than anything as yeah, dude, that was just crazy when that came to that revelation. I'm listening to a book by torre and he's talking about as a prince, as a book about prince and and talking about prince, he started talking about those generations and stuff like that. He breaks it down to talk about the fan of Prince and Michael Jackson. And that because we were from that type of family comes from help boost and you know a timing to write about the timing of what MTV divorce parents and single Wow.

Speaker 2 24:44

Help boost the popularity of Michael Jackson. Prince and I was like wow.

Speaker 3 24:50

I can see that man I can see that, yeah, man wow, because those were the male voices. Yes, sir, in the children's lives, man dude, that's crazy. I never even thought about that, but you're 100% right, man.

Speaker 2 25:08

Yeah, I looked at both of them and I learned a lot. I learned, because I had a lack of paternal influence in my home, that I looked toward those two guys for yeah, yeah. For you know fathership, you know it's crazy.

Speaker 3 25:20

That was shaping your, yeah, your man.

Speaker 2 25:23

I did not think about that, dude, Just imagine learning about the birds and the bees from Prince, man From Prince.

Speaker 1 25:32

And yeah, right, right, that's true, I learned the birds and bees from Prince, because you had that flair.

Speaker 3 25:39

You did have that. You had that flair and that vibe of MJ and all that stuff. But when it came to the yeah, you girls, you had bruh that's saucy saucy sensuality do you remember when I got my mopad?

Speaker 2 26:00

I got my mind I do, man dude, yeah, my moped is 84. Man dude, I got my moped in 84. You know what was popping in 84?

Speaker 1 26:11

Purple rain.

Speaker 2 26:14

Dude, I was like we had you know, because you're supposed to wear your helmet. I didn't want to wear my helmet. I didn't want to wear a helmet because I want to be like Prince man. I oh my girl to fly. We're really boasting my ego is Alan.

Speaker 1 26:39

Smith.

Speaker 3 26:39

We talked about Alan.

Speaker 2 26:40

Smith. Days ago I was riding through the mall gardens, man without a helmet, you know, and I was at that time I, even though I was a prince guy, I still mike was my dude was still right absolutely so. I'm riding on, I'm riding in the limo gardens, she see me. She's screaming like oh, he reminds me so much of prince. So the honey he told me that alan said that I was like oh what. Okay, this is the honey. He told me that Alan said that I was like oh what.

Speaker 3 27:06

Okay, I want to be worth it.

Speaker 2 27:09

And then lean over into this purple side a little bit.

Speaker 3 27:12

Right right, right right. That's crazy.

Speaker 2 27:19

Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, mike and Mike and Michael Jackson and Prince's father figure, and then Bobby Brown became like my uncle man. Michael Jackson and Prince's father figure, and then Bobby Brown became like my uncle man right, dude, I never, ever even considered that, but I can so see it, man.

Speaker 3 27:42

I can so see it and understand that, because when you do think about it, dude, those, those were the iconic moments and when you think about it, people who knew was still always say, man, the eighties and nineties were the the hottest time in in the industry and music and male artists were the biggest things. Then it were the male artists and I can absolutely see them saying that being a correlation, correlation between the times of Gen Xers, us coming up where the divorce had impacted so much in the father's room, in the home, because those voices became the male figures in most, in most of those lives. And Tupac and all these dudes, I mean, man, look at what, look at what it garnered. And that's why they named us Gen X, because they was like man, we don't know what they gonna wind up doing, man, you know, you know, we don't, we, we just don't know what the future holds for them. Because you know that that strong male uh in the home, you know, influence was, was not, uh, the prevalent, prevalent thing man, dude, so crazy man and that.

Blended Families: The Stew Analogy

Speaker 2 29:07

But it makes so much sense, yeah, uh this, you know, hungering for a father in your life, and you had to look. You know I had to look. You had to look at certain places and and those places that the movies and on the radio movies and music and, uh, what's crazy. Now I have a blended family and then, you know, it bleeds until now. The blended family. I'm in a blended family. I, I had three kids before marriage, my wife had four, so we brought them together.

Speaker 2 29:44

And I remember going to church and my cousin Mario was doing a topic about the blended family when he was preaching, and they compared a blended family to a stew, and so you know you have a stew and different vegetables and different textures take longer to cook than others, so you might get like like the onions might blend faster than than the potatoes or something like that. And so you look at your family like that. And then that helped me understand my blended family, because certain step kids, you know, take longer to understand and get on board of this family. Yeah right, wow, family and. But sometimes, sometimes some of those pieces don't ever cook.

Speaker 3 30:38

They don't line up with the, with the, with the vibe of the stew man. That is such a good way of explaining that man. Because, man, the blended family is tough man, very tough man. My daughter is part of that in a blended family and they're actually not putting any anything you know, out there, but they're having some challenges right now and it's and it's because of that dynamic, man, and and when it comes down to it, dude, this is this, is why god has to be the center of of everything, because, of course, his perfect will is that, you know, when a family comes together, the man and the woman is the first time they are ever coming together sexually and everything, and getting married and all the family is supposed to proceed from these. You know these two individuals, this man and this woman. That's his perfect will. You know these two individuals, this man and this woman. Uh, that's his perfect will, you know.

Speaker 3 31:50

But, uh, obviously because when you're dealing with free will beings and obviously because all of the other stuff, the transacted, the fall and all that, it, it, it created this dynamic where God literally has to release a level of grace to make this family blend work and it, you know it's like but that, but for it to work and it actually, god can actually take it and make it like it was meant to be this way because of that's what his ability to do, that by grace, that's what the scripture says. You know, if we commit our ways unto the Lord, we give it to him. He can work it as if this was the way it was always meant to be. You know the way that it was purposed and but it takes us giving it to god and allowing him to do it. And when you and when you have a blended family, like you said, some like the stew, some is cooking and getting and gelling in more and easier than the others, you still got the free will beans brain, even the blended parents, the two, the male and the woman, coming together and they're not growing in certain levels at the same rate of speed, right, so you can have one out pacing in this area and that's so frustrating because that other person is not there, and and then they have their idea about this and they're outpacing in this dynamic and and then you're trying to other person's trying to like, and it man, and it can cause so much clash and you can make it if my god is the only way that can put oil and water together and make it work, that yes he's the ultimate equalizer, because you got two two people coming from different family backgrounds and different values absolutely and you know you're gonna, you're gonna battle with that but then you go to the bible and you go to god and he, he will equalize that put you yes, he will on the right foot in the right direction man he's the only one that can do it yeah

Speaker 2 34:08

because, bro man, I mean that's what helps my family right now and to this day. Like I said, my wife brought in four. I brought in three out of my wife's four. I have a relationship with really maybe two. One of them, my oldest stepdaughter, is the one I got the closest relationship with. And then as far as my kids, my wife has a relationship with two of them. And the one is, you know, my other daughter. She just stays to herself, just like her son stays to himself.

Speaker 2 34:47

But yeah, man even after going on 11 years, it's still. It's. There's still some situation where things come off as awkward and you feel that they shouldn't, but you know, you know, the carrots still haven't got got cooked right as it softened up.

Speaker 3 34:59

Beans man Right. Beans and onions man, I get that cook right as I just softened up. Be right.

Speaker 2 35:04

The peas and the onions man it could.

Speaker 3 35:05

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you got to turn this to. You got to turn the heat on this through a little bit and let it simmer.

Speaker 3 35:14

Yeah, for a long time, and this is where the, the fruit of patience come in, and you know, and all of that, and you know, and temperance, and long suffering, long suffering is such a under, it's such a necessary aspect of God's spirit that we need to definitely exercise more often. But it gets so low play man. Long suffering, because this thing is long suffering, means just that I'm, I'm putting myself in a position where I'm willing to suffer a long time. You know, until this. You know until know into this carrot you know, and these potatoes and dude it.

Speaker 3 36:10

You, I'm hungry now. You know what I mean. I'm ready to eat, you know, by taking a stew and all of it's splendor, right now, and, and, yeah, a lot of times, man, we just don't, don't have it as a priority to, to, to be willing to do that, you know to, to let it, let it simmer, you know, as we say, like, man, just let it cook for a minute, man, just let it cook yeah we just need this.

Speaker 2 36:34

We just did it. We just need to sprinkle some more salt on there, man right there you go.

Speaker 3 36:40

You know seasoning a little bit, let it season come on, man, but the salt of the earth on that, let that, let that salt soak in but, sometimes it feels like your opposite part, your other half or your significant other one is pepper and and it's not like like you get more pepper than the salt, and then both people thinking they're the salt and don't know this.

Speaker 2 37:09

Yeah, that's why I got to go to the pepper coming from me, right, right.

Speaker 3 37:14

Absolutely, absolutely, god. Yes, that's why you got to let them be the equalizer.

Speaker 2 37:22

Man. But yeah, I was that just spurred that thought and I was like you know what? I was just sitting in bed, man, and I'm like man, we can talk about that, because you know I had hit you. I was like let's talk about the family. Do something a little lighter, man. It's the vacation, sure, and you know we both have some family challenges, so I just wanted to talk about it, yeah, yeah for sure.

Speaker 2 37:48

Yeah, I'm just, I'm being patient. Tell me about the long suffering Still, my oldest daughter having spoken to me for a long time, and I'm just waiting for that to wait for her. Take her time. I told her I'm still here.

Speaker 3 38:00

You know when I'm here, you know yeah, make yourself available and, hey, maybe be patient.

Speaker 2 38:07

Yeah, oh. So yeah, it's just challenging man, it is.

Speaker 3 38:14

I mean and I was glad because I was glad that you said that, because we had a different topic that we were going to talk about and obviously more heavy and more more weighty spiritually. But but, man, who, who doesn't, who, before the procedure can be discussed, man, you gotta, you gotta go in and talk about what's going on. You know what I mean, what's, what's the problem, what you're experiencing in this and, like you said, right now, man, it's heavy. You know it's heavy for a lot of people. Man, right now, you know what's going on in the world, you know all over, and it's it's just a very, um, serious and challenging time and people is being hit with so many things, so many different ways simultaneously. Man, yeah, it's, it's tough, dude, it's tough and we got to admit the fact that it's tough. All this type of stuff kicking up all racial uh, you know divides and unrest, economical stuff, I mean we're just like war and all this, it's just all of this stuff is coming at us all at once. You know what I mean simultaneously.

Speaker 2 39:32

And, yeah, man, and we talking about the generations man, Absolutely Just imagine this generation man, this social generation, deal with COVID and what's going on now.

Speaker 3 39:48

Wow, just getting back from reeling over what's happened to COVID and a lot of areas still experiencing the reverberation of that man. And then here come this other stuff. And then, uh, you got the dynamic man where, um, the technology is now shifting again. And here come ai, at a whole nother level, you know. And now you gotta wonder it's ai, stuff that's being done by ai and posted by ai, that's so real that you're now you got to wonder even the stuff that we're looking at on social media is this real, yeah, or is this AI, you know? Is somebody manipulating AI in doing this? And so now, here you go with it. It's like you said it best so much uncertainty yeah, that is not a cool place to live from. Has so much uncertainty, that is not a cool place to live from, and that's why we were going to. Our topic was going to be about faith today, but you got to keep it more, you know, I don't even know if you can say what we're talking about is lighter, more so than it's just the other side.

Speaker 2 40:59

Yeah, just the other side.

Speaker 3 41:00

You know it's just the other side of it, know just the other side of it, but it's, it's good to talk about. We can talk about all of how the provisions and everything of God and the kingdom and everything can do all this. But before, before we, like we said before you, discuss the procedure and what you need to do to fix it, we to acknowledge all of the brokenness. Man, like I'm hurting here, I'm hurting here, you know, this is where I'm feeling, this here and my family going through this man, I'm just trying to keep my family together. I'm just, you know, I'm just trying to. You know it's, bro, this is a lot. And then, like you said, the millennials and what's the next?

Speaker 2 41:42

one's called after them Gen Z.

Speaker 3 41:46

Gen Z, but it's all. But it's now. It's Gen X that's trying to steward all of this stuff and like we were talking about, and we had so much brokenness, you know, and we're talking about and we had so much brokenness you know, yeah, and we're trying to steer all this other stuff and dude, this is, this is tough bro.

Speaker 2 42:09

It is, this is tough this is tough and I've man, I have never in my life had so much talk about mental health that I've in the last few years man. I mean with my oldest daughters, man, just, we just always. That's what we really talk about is mental health. Man and yeah, myself going through it I see a therapist and and I told you out.

Speaker 2 42:36

today I was supposed to indulge in a me day where I don't you know, I have all self-care day, Absolutely. My own personal sabbatical and I have you know we talked about not being concerned with my mom's health, my dad's health going on the household and my children and my dogs even my dogs man bring some concern at times, so uh, I was supposed to just go and just whoo side of room I was gonna do that, yeah, yeah you know, I just changed my mind.

Speaker 2 43:13

I was like you know what? I'm gonna spend time with grandkids, so I'm gonna allocate that money that has set aside for that me day for the kids and we just go out there.

Mental Health and Self-Care

Speaker 3 43:23

and what better to spend time my grandkids, my wife and, and what I love, one of the most among nature and animals, absolutely, absolutely do, which is which is so great because, you know, as we were talking yesterday, many out of plans.

Speaker 3 43:41

a man with God ordered the steps this is this is probably even a better thing for you because you're, because you're shoring up so many things at the same time, that where that needs help, the family dynamic, uh, spending that time investing in that and also spend something that you love and going to be able to see the animals and and connect with that, and also so it's everybody's getting something. Yeah, you know, as opposed to your put now, we all do need to do those self self-care days.

Speaker 3 44:17

Now we I'm not saying nothing again- I'm gonna, I'm gonna have me one you know, right now all right, gonna take care of that now, but you know, but, but it's, it's, everything is timing, man, everything is timing and and this is why it's so important to have this, uh, your premise and center and foundation, being the lord being the father because, like again, many are our plans, but he orders the steps. Bro, we are literally, uh, three months behind when we were supposed to start, you know, actually, with the build of our house and what we thought we were going to get in, um, you know, probably around the holidays, which would have been perfect, uh, you know the, the Thanksgiving, christmas, you know season, bro, probably looking like we're not going to get in there until spring, you know, next year, and that can weigh in and be like, oh man, you know. But, considering some other things, that, now that I see what's unfolding, I'm like man, lord, your, the way that, your timing and even those things that we saw as being a delay and a setback and all this stuff, it, it was perfect for what happened, you know, and what we're going through currently. And just to see the father, you know he's like man, like man. So I, I know, I know, I put that in your heart, I know how you feel, I'm with you, but just walk with me, I, I got this because when God is imparting, it's gonna bless everybody. Yeah, you know, it's not just one person.

Speaker 3 46:00

This is what I love about the father bro is that he can bless us all simultaneously. There's no waiting in line till you get your servant and they get they serving and the next. And this is when the Lord says the last shall be first, the first shall be last, and that that includes and everything in between. That means there's no, we're all right here at the same time and we can all get ministered to simultaneously, and that that is just the amazing part of of him and the presence of his kingdom. So you know, it's it's even in the weak sides. We still strong, bro, we're still good, and we have our ideas on how we think things gonna work out. But, you know, being submitted to the Father and just, yeah, just submitting, and getting to the point where we can literally say from our hearts not my will, but your will be done and and roll with that.

Speaker 2 47:07

All right, man, I only wanted to cut this one short man.

Speaker 3 47:11

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 47:13

But before we get out of here, you know I do the, I used to do the health tip, but I got some, some of you, to think about.

Speaker 3 47:21

Okay.

Speaker 2 47:22

Do you use Vaseline?

Petroleum Jelly and Old-School Hair Products

Speaker 3 47:26

Not often, okay, not often. Okay, I'm sure my family probably use a lot more than I do personally.

Speaker 2 47:32

I'm avid, I mean okay. I'm not. When I was in college, my biology professor said you want to preserve your feet? You run after you get out the shower, you rub your feet with Vaseline and you put on cleaning clean. She said white socks clean clean white socks. I've been doing that ever since 89, bro.

Speaker 3 47:52

You probably got feet like a baby yeah. My, my, my feet is all cold and then I got feet like brillo pads, but anyway, and so on top of that I'll put vastly on my knees and my elbows.

Speaker 2 48:10

So I've been doing that consistently since 89 so, oh man, okay, decades so then I find out, man, do you know? Both gasoline and gasoline and Vaseline are from the same place, come from the same place.

Speaker 1 48:28

No.

Speaker 2 48:33

What? Because it's called petroleum jelly.

Speaker 3 48:36

Oh my God, that is right.

Speaker 2 48:39

So they both come from crude oil. Oh my God. Oh, what was system apart? Is they refined differently, but still from the same source? Petroleum jelly is a purified mixture. You know it's a purified mixture and it's it's intended for skin use, why, you know. We know gasoline is volatile and bro I had I man, I had to find out, like I've been using this all my life, does it affect my bloodstream? And I went to perplexity and she said no, but if I am concerned I should go to my doctor. But but it's so refined, it is topical, but I still don't. It is amazing that they both just even think about it.

Speaker 2 49:32

Yeah, just oil man no that's crazy.

Speaker 3 49:37

You go ballistic.

Speaker 2 49:38

They tell you use coconut and coconut oil and aloe vera. Yeah, you know that's that's what I was. I was led to like. You know, if you want to, if you're concerned about it, just go use coconut oil and you'll be. You'll be fine.

Speaker 3 49:53

So OK, man as. I did dude, you were giving me some stuff, I'd be like what that's for me? Trolley of never even thought about it, bro. And today is right there, patrol. I never even paid. Put to place the two words together, petroleum, like is this the same thing as gasoline? What? Is that people can, just to get disclaimer. Do not go and try and melt down Vaseline and put it in your gas tank. Don't take that away from this.

Speaker 2 50:31

Yeah, you don't have to put a disclaimer out there. Hey, were you one of the ones? Because I was one. We had. You know, I remember back in the day we had Stay, stay soft fro and.

Speaker 3 50:44

Jerry, that was my car was a stay soft fro yeah.

Speaker 2 50:48

Did you ever try? Did you ever try to create your own hair, hair product?

Speaker 3 50:52

No, I never did oh you did. No.

Speaker 2 50:56

Oh, for real, I did man.

Speaker 3 50:58

Never petroleum jelly, petroleum lotion and you know that when you activated was running low.

Speaker 2 51:09

You know just because I did one of my eyes, one of my curls, my hair, just to be really extra soft. I mean, I had a nice gray hair, but you know so petroleum, jelly, lotion, that pink oil, that pink oil stuff, you know that pink oil.

Speaker 3 51:25

Oh yeah, put that in there, right.

Speaker 2 51:27

And then some like some. What's that? The hair grease. That was the crown. What is that?

Speaker 3 51:34

Crown Royal, crown Royal.

Speaker 1 51:37

Royal Crown, royal Crown, yeah, royal Crown.

Speaker 3 51:40

The silver top and the red body.

Speaker 2 51:43

Yeah, put it in the spray bottle, shake it up you was ready activate what a terrible mixture, I tell you.

Speaker 3 51:56

Terrible mixture, the lotion was, but when you was doing your mic imitations it helped with the swing, with the hair swing.

Speaker 2 52:04

No, this was pre-mic. This was pre-mic. Oh, this was pre-mic. This was pre-mic man. Oh, okay, I was trying to recreate the stateside for him. I was trying to recreate that.

Speaker 3 52:14

Oh, yeah, or get a better version, a homemade version man Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 52:19

Or a low-rent version. Yeah, eight-tone version.

Speaker 3 52:22

Right, right Low rent. I was eight times Right the crooked, I think.

Speaker 2 52:29

I mean my boy Jerry. Jerry, we used to do that man.

Speaker 1 52:33

Oh man.

Speaker 3 52:35

Once that stuff dried up, man, your hair was hit up with this hit, so you just carry it with you. Yeah, keep it. Keep it, shh, shh, shh, shh. No, it's at water. What you made it worse.

Speaker 2 52:45

That just drone. Now you got a fro with with pig tails.

Speaker 3 52:48

You know you're fro'ed out and got the little tail at the end to look. That's terrible man. Oh my God, oh, but yeah.

Speaker 2 53:04

I am so glad we are back. I'm so glad we were past the Jerry curl stage age.

Speaker 3 53:10

Oh my God, that can't ever come back bro.

Speaker 2 53:17

No, I ruined pillowcases and shirt shirt cards, everything couches, couches, there they do.

Speaker 3 53:26

There was terrible.

Speaker 2 53:28

Like that stuff, man. I think that's what was I was part of the genesis of my acne, bro.

Speaker 3 53:33

That was oh man.

Speaker 2 53:36

Man, what all the chemicals and all that grease?

Speaker 3 53:39

Yeah, and all this is rubbing on the side of your face and then the sun rays.

Speaker 2 53:47

Remember. I remember my hair. My hair used to turn blonde in the summertime oh, it did, that's right, it's your day my hair will be turned out straight. I straight smiles. I would. Oh, man Do all the person in me was going to fight a magnifying glass man.

Speaker 3 54:14

I've been like my people have been lit with the light.

Speaker 2 54:18

Bro, recipes, mike, oh yeah.

Speaker 3 54:23

Oh my goodness, man Crazy, man Crazy.

Speaker 2 54:29

All right man. About to hit the zoo.

Speaker 3 54:34

Yeah, oh man, enjoy man, have fun. Man. We'll be shouting out bro, all right, be with God. We love you, Love you, peace.

Speaker 1 54:42

Peace, Peace. Thanks for tuning in to the Gospel Twins Podcast. Remember to like, subscribe and share you.