The Gospel Twins Podcast
A podcast that brings the freedom and truth of God's Kingdom to the masses.
The Gospel Twins Podcast
How To Live By Faith When Life Hurts
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You can quote Scriptures, sing the songs, and still freeze when life gets real. We sit down for a straight, unfiltered talk about practical faith, the New Covenant life, and what it means to trust God when you feel cornered by anger, betrayal, stress, and grief.
We move from everyday practices like fasting, clean eating, and getting grounded outside to the deeper stuff most people avoid saying out loud. We talk about the Holy Spirit as present help, not religious hype, and we push back on the fear some "Christians" have around words like energy, vibration, rhythm, and flow. Our point is simple: creation has patterns, and God can meet you in your body and your breath just as much as in your theology.
Then the stories get heavy. One of us shares a moment from single fatherhood when rage almost turned into a life-altering crime, and how a clear inner warning pulled him back for the sake of his daughters. We also unpack heartbreak and workplace pressure that breaks you down physically, plus the kind of grief that hits when a parent dies right before a major family milestone and you still have to show up. The thread through it all is this: pain is real, but you are not alone, and “cast your cares” is more than a line, it is a way to survive with your soul intact.
If this conversation helps you, subscribe, share it with someone who needs strength today, and leave a review. What part of these testimonies do you relate to most?
New Covenant Awakening
SPEAKER_07G on you with man come on come on, dude. Oh yeah, we ain't going nowhere. We are the church and we ain't going nowhere. Yes, sir. What's up, dude? New covenant people, new covenant people. Man, what a life, bro. What a life. Man, it is shh, it's overwhelming, dude, with good stuff, man. It's just, dude. Come on, man.
SPEAKER_04And I can't wait till the majority of the family gets this. Can you imagine what life? Can you imagine what life would be like when most of the people of God are are learning and and responding to the principles of the new covenant?
SPEAKER_07Heaven on earth, bro. The return of the Garden of Eden, bro, is what it would be. That's that's and that's what the Father is uh is expecting as well. So it's coming, man. It's coming. There's there's so many, there's so many people waking up right now. And you know, man, the the demonization of the word woke, bro, is you know, that's that's our word. You know, we we taking all this stuff back, man. We you you don't get to hide that word and make it seem like that's a negative thing when people wake up, bro.
SPEAKER_04And I constantly online, I'm constantly seeing uh an awakening coming, or you know, like other ways of saying the word woke.
SPEAKER_07Exactly.
SPEAKER_04But it's woke, people is it is woke.
SPEAKER_07That's like uh Spike Lee. Yeah, right. Spike was ahead of his time, man. If people didn't get his uh, you know, his his presentation, his expression, man, you know. He he was trying to get folk, I mean, you know. What are you gonna do? Wake up. Big ups to Spike, man. You know.
SPEAKER_04Hey, um, you and I was talking
Fasting Clean Eating And Grounding
SPEAKER_04yesterday. We're talking about fasting, right? And um one part of that I didn't discuss with you before. I don't know, maybe I have, I think I had before, but so fasting. I kind of broke it. Uh you know, I'm still eating clean. I had a I had a salad, you know. We got a garden, man. Wifey out there, man. Got that green thumb, man. That green, that green vibrant lettuce. Man, going in the backyard grabbing what you're gonna eat for the come on, man, out the backyard, bro. Man, she made this big old container. They called it a big A salads.
SPEAKER_07Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_04All right. So we got the lettuce, the lettuce, tomatoes, the different color, because you gotta have the different colors, man. So you got the red, the yellow, peppers in that point. Come on, man. Oh man, so I drilled, got some olive oil, and um put it in the in the container, shook it up, make sure it was heavily coated with all the olive oil, and then I then I sprinkled some um lemon juice on there, did it some more, shake it some more. Come on, come on, man. What some of that seasoning on that, dog. I'm like, dang, man. Man, no restaurant can't be.
SPEAKER_07Right there.
SPEAKER_04And I'm and then I'm gonna tell you what else I did. So I finished that, go outside in the morning, taking five deep breaths. You know, just be one with um, be one with the environment. Take your shoes off, put your feet in the grass. I did that yesterday. Yeah, yeah. That's up, man. And if you can touch and hug a tree, uh, I touched it, but I didn't hug it. I touched it because you ain't a tree hugger, man. I want no my my tree, no, my tree is nasty.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's the love you're gonna give it in, bro. It's sappy, and that's cool. I ain't putting it on my shirt. But so are you, you sappy too, bro. Get on that tree, man.
SPEAKER_03I was gonna I was gonna grab, I was gonna grab a neighbor's tree, but I was imagining the neighbor looking like, what in the heck is he doing? Come on.
SPEAKER_07Come on, man. You're gonna enter into the tree looking like cheating on your own tree, bro. Come on, man. Don't do that. Don't do that, bro.
SPEAKER_04Man, my tree is that man, my tree is so bad to where uh when when they have tree cutting uh companies in the neighborhood, they like, hey, you want me to cut this down? Like, uh yeah, he on this last it's on his last leg, man. But we keep it for the birds, the birds like to see.
SPEAKER_02Give us some love, bro, and it'll come back. I have and I have, but it's fall, it's like every storm dog, peace falling off.
SPEAKER_04Coming off, yeah, yeah. The dead branches are falling off. So yeah, yeah. They told me when uh this was maybe about five years ago that my tree mate had my 10 more years, so let's see. Okay, it looks good to me, but besides the sap and yeah, yeah, the dead branches, man. So wow, wow, that's what's so many.
SPEAKER_02But that's a good practice. But you was so what were you saying about the fasting part? No, all that comes together.
SPEAKER_04Fasting, you know, that becomes one with what uh because everything's great, okay. Gotcha, everything's vibrational, man. Got the vibrations from the lettuce, yeah, watermelon, yeah, the grass, the sun, yeah, and the tree.
SPEAKER_07It is, man.
SPEAKER_04And the and the air, you know.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that is true,
Energy And Vibrations Without Fear
SPEAKER_07man. And and and you know, you scare religious folk when you use words like energy and vibrations and rhythms and things like that, man, because you know, they they think that's new age, bro. Yeah, they think that's new age, you know, but people gotta realize, bro, this is how the father, this is the system, this is how creation works. And people don't get to coin the phrases and take them and and make people, other people scared of them, bro, especially the ones who are supposed to really understand what these things are about, man. And if people really understood the Greek words, a lot of of what they're reading in the new covenant, a lot of stuff, they talk about energy and and and vibration and flow and rhythm and all of that, man. They just don't know that they're saying that because it's been westernized and put into our English, you know, limited English vocabulary.
SPEAKER_04Limited, yes.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, thank you. For sure, for sure.
How Do We Live By Faith
SPEAKER_04All right, brother. What are we gonna talk about today, man?
SPEAKER_07Man, you know, me, me and wifey, man, yesterday. We was we was talking, man. Been going through some, you know, some some stuff, man, uh, you know, during the week. Uh, it's been a lot of challenges, man, in our families, you know, and on both sides, you know, for a lot of stuff going on, man. And, you know, she we were talking, man, and we were actually talking about the podcast. And I asked her, I said, you know, I said, if there was any conversation you wanted uh me and Hex to have, you know, on the podcast, what would you want to hear talked about, you know? And um, yeah, man, so um, so, you know, I was like, if it's anything that, you know, me and Hex was gonna talk about on the gospel twins. I said, what do you want to hear from a you know, a topic or something from a kingdom perspective, you know, whatever it is. And uh, and she thought about it for a minute. She she got another topic she said she wants us to talk about, but she's like, I'm gonna hold that one. I'm gonna hold that one.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_07And it's I'm gonna just give you a preview. It's about men and women being able to be friends. She was she was triggered by that episode we had. So she she wants us to go deeper into that, bro. Okay, but she said, but okay, hold that for now. You know, as you say, stick a pen in it, we're gonna come back. But um, but then she said, you know what? No, she is like, I would like to hear uh a straight up conversation because you know we just man, we just get into it, you know, we don't hold up stuff, man. So she's like, I like to hear a straight-up, authentic conversation about how how do we really practically live by faith, man? How do you know and and not believe in God for stuff and things like that. But when you are going through those tough times in life and you know what the Lord is expecting, you know, you you know that he's expecting if somebody's wilding out on you and you're supposed to stay maintained, you know, and disciplined, um, when when somebody is pushing your buttons or trying to trigger you, that you don't respond to that, you know, basically, you know, don't render evil for evil and you know, things like that. Or how do we get through those tough times when when you're just feeling all the pressure, you know, of life coming on you? And actually, you know, you you've sung the songs, you've prayed the prayers, you've made the declarations and done that. But when you get into it, when it actually is time to put it into practice, why does it seem so hard to do it? So, you know, so she was like, have that conversation. So I was like, hey, that I got a story for you.
SPEAKER_04It's gonna get it's pretty dark. And people of God, this is the first time that I've spoken publicly about this. When you when you told me about that, I was like, thinking, and uh Holy Spirit re Holy Spirit reminded me of something.
A Father’s Rage And Restraint
SPEAKER_04Uh I'm gonna take you back to about 2006, 7. I'm a single dad, raising three daughters. And um I talked about on the previous episode about when you're raising your children that you can't treat them all the same, you know. Um you know, you gotta uh treat them according to their personality. And my one of my daughters rejected the way I was raising because I was, you know, I was a yeller. I was more like James Evans, bro.
SPEAKER_07Oh, wow. Okay.
SPEAKER_04You know, just straight up no chaser.
SPEAKER_07Wow, it's hard to picture you like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04Uh straight up no chaser. I I I was that for them because I I was afraid of what the world could do to them if I wasn't a w a certain way. So I was pretty uh rough on them, uh using my military brack background. Oh, okay. So that yeah, that definitely helped me um to parent what I was doing at the time. So she rejected me yelling. And um, so during this time she would go and spend time um with her cousin on her on her mother's side. My daughter doesn't have a relationship with her mom, but uh to try to keep an established relationship with the maternal side of the family, I would allow her to go visit her her cousin who happened to be a policeman. Okay, she was a policeman, and she was married, and and then he went to church at church as well. Church goers, she was a policeman. He I believe he was um her husband was a producer of music, he made music, he might even made music for the uh congregation, I'm not sure. Okay and um so they would pick her up on on weekends and uh so this particular weekend, man, and this but and so this was and I guess my mind going so many places, so I hear you, I hear you, yeah. All right, so my daughter's getting picked up, and it was it was usually routine when she gets picked up, but this particular time it was usually her cousin would pick her up, the female, but this time it was her husband, and something in my spirit just wasn't right, bro. Um so I watched my daughter leave the house, get into the car, and I watched, and I've never done this before. I watched my daughter get into the car and drive all the way down the street, and I watched them all the way until they got to the end until I couldn't see them anymore. Never done that in my life, man. Um fast forward, my daughter comes home, come to find out that particular uh visit. My daughter's cousin's husband tried to sleep with my daughter. He took her to a hotel, gave her alcohol. My daughter flipped out. Um because you know, this is a cautionary tale between um uh father and daughter relationship. Yeah, my daughter, my daughter was upset. She opened herself to this type of stuff because she was upset with me. And when she was going over to her cousin's house, she was always telling, she was telling them, not always, but she was telling them that she was telling my business. Like my dad always he always yells at me or he yells at us, he's always cussing. Uh he smoked weed in the house. So she was going around and and telling them, and uh, and I guess they were gonna use this information to to try to pry my daughter from me. I don't know, they wanted to adopt her, but they uh see, but they were already in the line, they were already in line to adopt my daughter's sister. Yeah, yeah. So uh my my daughter's mother had she had uh she had no parental rights or any of her kids. So I got my daughter and the other daughter went to this cousin. So that's another reason why my daughter was going over there to not only spend time with her with her her cousin, but also her sister, yeah. And um so man, it got out that what he tried to do, my daughter just flipped out. So the cousin tried to flip it as if my daughter just took some drink was drinking and just started flipping out. No, no, she no, she flipped out because your husband was trying to get on her. Wow, and um it was footage, it was footage from the hotel. So they come, they come, she comes over to my house. This lady, this who uh this uh my daughter's cousin, and her and her preacher, her priest come to my house to try to talk me out of uh pressing charges or going to the police. Wow so I don't know what happened, bro, but when we got to the police station, uh I had my mom, I had you know, I just had whoever any relatives that could just support the situation. Yeah, I need I needed a village, yeah. And um we're there doing it with the you know saying what we had to say, uh we get back to you, we get back to you. Oh, they not get back to me. I called them. They had no record of nothing that was said in the police station that day. Wow, I called several days. Uh we uh we we don't know what's going on, or or the or the person that was supposed to investigate was always busy, bro. I said, Oh, this this cop's influences her her her her status influences police station, so they cover for her. Wow, I call Figer to no avail, nothing.
SPEAKER_08Not Figer Law, bro.
SPEAKER_04Man, I was I was desperate, man.
SPEAKER_08Wow, yeah, desperate.
SPEAKER_04I knew where they live, man, because I dropped my dropped my daughter off over there, right?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, sure.
SPEAKER_04Man, got in there. I was consumed with anger, got in the car, didn't know what I was gonna do. Drove out there, parked outside of this out the crib, bro. Sitting there, like had knives, had a knife, had a bat, had a knife bat. Uh thoughts of putting this dude on fire. Yeah, oh man, yeah, this is how bad it was, man. I mean, when I when I say I was cassoon, I was so excited to understand, man. I'm not physically imposing, right?
SPEAKER_07Right, right.
SPEAKER_04You know, and and I and I and I felt like I would be the punk, like, hey man, you know, this and this and my daughter. No, I felt like I needed to protect my crib, my daughter.
SPEAKER_08For sure.
SPEAKER_04It's about to go down.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And I'm like, you know what? I'm about to go to the gas station, get some gas, knock on his door, have him come outside, pour the gas on it, light him on fire. Just light him up, wow. Dude, wow. So I'm in front of the crib. And he, if he would have looked out, he could have seen he was he would have saw, he would have seen me, man. Just like, oh wow, what's up with this?
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04I proceeded to pray. And when I'm talking about pray, man, I pray, pray, pray, pray. Because I was on my way to the gas station.
SPEAKER_08Wow.
SPEAKER_04Holy Spirit says you have three daughters that you're taking care of. If you're a single dad, who's gonna take care of them if you're in jail? And I had to sit with that, I had to sit with that, bro. Yeah, yeah. And this also leans into the the new covenant teaching were about the Holy Spirit. I never went in front of the congregation to receive the Holy Spirit, bro. It was in my heart a long time ago, yeah. So that's how I had this conversation with the Holy Spirit, and he instructed me not to do what I was going to do. And I turned around and I went home, and Holy Spirit says, I got this, don't worry. I never checked on, I don't know what's going on with the family and all that, but I gave it to God, bro.
SPEAKER_08Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04I never uh was not a churchgoer at that time, but I did have a relationship with with the Holy Spirit and God, and that right there showed. Um can I and do you want to go to a story? Because I have one more.
SPEAKER_07No, man, go ahead, yeah, man.
SPEAKER_04So yeah, I recently told my daughter, maybe about two years ago, what happened. She said, Dad, I didn't know you was even gonna do something like that. Wow, and I'm glad you didn't. Yeah. I I probably would still be in jail had I done that. Easy. Attempted murder, bro?
SPEAKER_07Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and and and conspiracy to commit it, because that's premeditated.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, there you go.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, that that carries a lot of a lot of years with it, bro.
SPEAKER_04So fast so fast forward our relationship.
Heartbreak And Staying Sane
SPEAKER_04I mean, I mean a deep relationship, uh, I to where I was gonna get married. I got in I was gonna get engaged. And so I was dating this girl, and so she moved to Ann Arbor. And so like I decided to move to Ann Arbor with her. And we moved in the same trailer park or to like two streets over. So we're we're essentially walking distance to each other's homes. She has she has uh three kids. I got three kids, well, two at the time because my oldest had graduated and went to college. Um, so uh was we were always back and forth to each other's homes, man. But in the middle, we had like a seven-year relationship off and on. And um, so we were out there, man, and the the plan was to her because her son was allergic to dogs. You know, I had dog, I had a dog, man. So the uh the plan was for her son to take these allergy medications for a year and to get acclimated to my dog, and then we were gonna move in together. That was the plan. Um, so then we we'll proceed with the plan. Uh so during this, you know, right? We were you know going for the goal to live together. Yeah, we we break up. We break up, okay, you know, and we've done this before, so yeah, yeah. It's been two weeks. And like I say, we say in the same trailer park, saw I saw her saw one of her daughters walking home from The bus, you know, from school, I gave her a ride home. I was like, you know, I was talking to her, checking, asking how she was doing and how her siblings were doing. Yeah. And I asked her how her mother's doing. And she's like, she's fine, you know. And when I get home, um uh my my mother's boyfriend is there. I'm like, what? Your mother's what? She said, boy, boyfriend.
SPEAKER_01Boyfriend. I said, we just I said we just broke up two weeks ago, right? And you telling me he's living there with y'all?
SPEAKER_04Living there, dog. And so, and I and I know that because her mom, her mom is a teacher, and and before the school year, all the teachers get together and they have a conference in Mackkin. And so during that week, somebody needs to watch your kids.
SPEAKER_08Yeah.
SPEAKER_04And previously it was me.
SPEAKER_08Right.
SPEAKER_01So now you're telling me a new boyfriend that I just found out and that shh just moved in two weeks ago. We just broke up two weeks ago. Right, right. So you moved a dude in two weeks and you drank.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, to watch it, yeah, yeah. Dude, I mean, that's a relationship that's already been there, dude.
SPEAKER_01Bro, and we're talking two streets over.
SPEAKER_08Right, right.
SPEAKER_01Do you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to run up in that crib, bro. Him, him, her.
SPEAKER_07Oh yeah, for sure. For sure.
SPEAKER_01Dude, that was, man, I was devastated. I think it probably was the worst heartbreak I ever dealt with, man. Because I was about to get married. It was a serious relationship, and it involved children.
SPEAKER_07Yes, yes, yes. A lot of investment there, man.
SPEAKER_03And and I had a good relationship with a family. It sucked, bro. You know, like it's uh it took nothing but God, man.
SPEAKER_04And and and the Holy Spirit told it reminded me of the sit the story that told you previous. Yeah, yeah. You got kids you gotta take care of. You know, you gotta see this through. I didn't, you know, I didn't um my situation was, you know, I didn't one thing I didn't speak on is that my daughters are from three different relationships. Yeah, the fact that they're from three different situations and they ended up with me, it was just it was design. It was it was designed, and I was always bringing it up to the kids, like this isn't this isn't a mistake, right?
SPEAKER_07You get you from that is very unusual, dude. Very unusual.
SPEAKER_04You from over here, you from over there, and you from over there, and y'all ended up over here. You know, one mom passed away, one mom was mentally ill, and the other mom just just wasn't mature enough. And y'all here, and y'all ended up here in all this, and so I listened to I listened to the Holy Spirit because yeah, you yeah, you gave me, you know, they're in my in my protection right now.
SPEAKER_07In your care, absolutely.
SPEAKER_04Yes, and yeah, my protection, my care, um, all of that. And it's like, yes. So, man, it was talking about challenging, man, too. Knowing every time I drive outside the trailer trailer park, you could run into them, absolutely, or or situations where I might have to go down the street that she lived. That's oh, I was just it was so bad, bro. It was it was so bad, man.
SPEAKER_07And um, yeah, and you know that's that's something, man.
SPEAKER_04And it and I talked about the cocaine, man. And yeah, and that was that was part of it, man. Took me there, man. Um, but also, like I said, God kept me, and I wasn't, you know, I didn't I didn't get addicted to it.
SPEAKER_07Didn't get hooked on it, yeah.
SPEAKER_04You know, and he got me through that situation where her that situation there, and just yeah, man, that time was was one of the darkest, dark, one of the darkest seasons I ever dealt with. And it took it took God, you know, you know, that's one thing to say, circumstances will lead you to God. So I was lonely, bro. Yeah, no, I was I have never been, I was I could be in a room full of people and still was lonely, bro. Uh had people over, be at parties, just lonely. And it wasn't till I went to God, man. Everything just corrected itself, everything was aligned the right way. And so I so I thank the Holy Spirit for keeping me, keeping me because I could have been in prison right now and not be on this microphone telling my testimony.
SPEAKER_07Come on, man. I mean, bro, that's I mean, when we say to God be the glory, man, that's real talk, dude, to God be the glory. Because it it it just, man, all of those things that that you spoke about, man, and being in those moments where you are at that critical point, dude, where you're you're one decision away from this being either all bad or just trusting God with it and and let and going through that that season or that temporary moment of pain. And man, of course it's easier, man, to act out on on the emotion of what you want to do. And a lot of times it's in your God never said you're not justified to have those feelings, dude. And and I think that's what we we can we fall into that condemnation trap, man, that we like, well, if I felt like doing it, you know, I should have just did it. You know what I mean? Or or we feel like if I didn't do it somehow, you know, I let them get away with it. And bro, it I love the fact that the Holy Spirit spoke to you in that capacity and said, I got it, you know, this is, you know, just just let me deal with it. And taking it off of your, you know, shoulders, you know, and and keeping you from making a decision that was going to be not only life-altering to you, but to those who he has trusted into your care, man. Do you know we are really, we really in our society from from people who gave into those dark moments and acted upon them. And and we have generations of children that have been left unprotected and uncovered, and and wondering why we have the things happening in our society that were hap, that's happening. You can always track it back to a decision, man. And everything we do, dude, is it matters. And um, yeah, man, I love that you that you brought that out. And I love how the Holy Spirit kept kept putting you in remembrance of not just you, but those who are being entrusted under your care and knowing, man, dude, that 100% is a design of God, man, that in your situation that you wind up with three three girls, man. First of all, it's hard for it's not even normal for a guy to have the children at all when it's uh, you know, a relationship that's you know, that you're both not married or still together. But to have three girls, bro, come on, man. That's dude. And and the and the person that you are, man, because I know you personally, that for you to be able to be, I mean, it's one thing to be a girl dad, man, but to be to have the type of um person that you are, bro. It takes that kind of person to be able to raise the children, uh the females, and and you being a male. And um, you know, man, I just man, I just I man, I glorify God in that situation because it's it's that's powerful, man. That is absolutely powerful. Yeah, you can't do that. Um yeah, yeah, man. And thanks for sharing that, man, and and bringing that, keeping it hot, you know.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you gotta keep it hot.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, keeping it hot. Um, yeah, man.
Work Stress And The Breaking Prayer
SPEAKER_07So, you know, similarly, you know, on the other side of it, um, you know, we've been going through some stuff, and I'm not gonna really get into the, you know, to the big details or, you know, about it, man, because it's it's fresh, it's happening now. So, you know, I I don't want to divulge that kind of kind of information like that, but just going through some stuff, man, where people are being exceedingly damaged emotionally in in this situation. Um but let's just go cut to go to something, you know, some stuff, man, that that I dealt with, you know. It's just a situation to just show how God, you know, when you just make and being open on how like you gave a decision, you know, a testimony, how you came through it and how the Holy Spirit brought you through it and making the right decisions. I'm gonna give you the flip to the flip side of that. And when you don't make the right decisions and how God is still uh there with you and rocking with you and providing in those situations. So um, man, listen, I had a situation, man, where you know I was on a job and I worked and I was, you know, I was an office manager. They didn't call me that by title in there, but I had I had all those responsibilities without getting the pay that matched it or the title that matched it. So, but I was, you know, the close with the owner, man. It was a heating and cooling company that I worked for. And man, you know, I I had a lot of responsibilities there, dude. After work, you know, when we got off from there, I carried the phones home, forward them to my person, you know, my cell phone that, you know, they provided. But I was always on call to dispatch, you know, for service and just man, 247-365, you know, unless when I went on vacation. And it was sometimes I went on vacation, and I was still asked to, you know, dispatch some of the stuff, man. So, you know, so this, you know, that was just the deal. I was going through that, man. And then the situation within the company, man, started getting very, very glib. And, you know, the owner was off doing some other stuff, man. He was running like poker uh games on, you know, when you could do them poker games and bowling alleys and bingo nights and all that. And uh, and man, people didn't realize, man, if you were the one hosting those games, it was it was lucrative for you. And uh, so he was getting more into that and leaving really basically the the company in my hands to do stuff. And like, man, it was payroll not being able to get met and stuff like that was happening. And I'm having to explain to people, you know, just hold on, don't cash, we paid you, but don't cash a check until XYZ. And so, man, I'm carrying all the load and stuff for that, you know. And I was telling wifey, and she was like, look, you need to leave. And I'm sitting here, you know, trying to be this, I was still in my Christianity days. I'm trying to be a good Christian, and so I'm just gonna bear this and and and you know, stay under it. And dude, it was it was just that carried on for so much. I was carrying so much stress, so much weight of that. And it was, I was physically breaking down. I was being mean, you know, to my family, uh, because it was just taking a toll on me. And uh, and I realized it one day, dude, and I literally broke down. And it was, I was in, you know, the um the lobby area of the company, man. But it so happened, I was just there alone, you know, at this point. Nobody was in the building. Bro, I broke down and just yelled out and cried and told the Lord, I was like, I can't do it. I said, I I failed. And if this is if this is a test to see how I can handle it or stand under this, I can't. I was like, I'm not mature enough, my faith ain't strong enough, I've tried, and I cannot do this anymore. I was like, if this is a test, I'm gonna have to take it again later on in life. But as today, I I I concede I can't do it or it's gonna kill me. I was like, I'm gonna lose my family, I'm gonna lose some. This is this is just too heavy. Bro, 30 seconds later, the phone rings, you know, in the office. And it was uh another heating and cooling company that was just calling, you know, over to my company. Uh, because in that in that field, sometimes they'll call around and see like, do you need some help? If they like low on work, they'll call you and see like, because sometimes you might have more jobs than you can can do, and we'll do it. And it's basically you subcontracting them to do it, you know. So, you know, you still get money, but you don't have to do the work. So a lot of times that's that's a good deal. And um, you know, and I was and I was I answered the phone, I was like, no, we don't. And I happen to know who this, you know, this person was. I said, no, we don't. He's like, how's business? I said, it's it's it's terrible. And I was like, and I I it's it's just so bad. And he was like, really? I said, yeah. And then he said, um, are you thinking about leaving? I said, I I I have to. I said, I just can't keep he's like, well, when can you come talk to me? And I was like, I could be there today, you know, and uh and I literally, when I got off work, went down there, hired into that company, and and it was just, man, it was just like night and day going from there to the other company. And it's just man, to show how God will still rock with you. He's merciful, even when you make, bro, because I because the thing is, I didn't that wasn't gonna break me. You know what I mean? I I could have made a different decision, I could have prayed a different prayer. I could have been like, Lord, this is I'm not, I'm I'm made in your image and likeness. This is not bigger than I am, right? This is, you know, and I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna stay here, and these things are gonna turn around. Doors are gonna open. We're gonna make payroll. These people did work, they need to get paid. Your word says you pay a man when he, you know, it's so many different things I could have probably done. Who knows? Like me and wifey was talking about it. If I'd have stayed up under it, I could have owned the company. Who, who knows? You know, what could have happened if I would have gone a different way, made a different decision. But I didn't pray the prayer like Jesus. I I didn't, you know, Jesus was going a different direction, you know, his soul was, you know, and he was like, Lord, if it be possible, let this cup pass with me, but from me, but nevertheless, not my will, yours be done. So he's letting you know I'm I'm going another direction with my will, Lord. I don't want to do this, but I'm gonna submit and humble myself under what you want. And he did have to go through a terrible time, but on the other side of that, he he was exalted with a name that's above every name, you know, that at the name of Jesus, every knee bows, every so he's the king of kings and lord of lords because he went through it and saw it to the end. You know what I mean? He went through the tough part, and and I didn't, you know, you know what I mean. But God didn't forsake me because I I was truthful about where I was at. Yeah, God knew, man, that I'm I'm built stronger than that. He knew I was cut different and I could have made that. But he respect he honored, you know, my honesty of being, this is hard, this is too hard for me. And again, it's like you casting your care upon him or him getting you to, you know, talking to you about it and and you having, you know, and him taking it from you, you know what I mean? And people that would say, like, God, if you don't give it to him, he ain't gonna, you know, he ain't gonna do nothing. No, you if you be honest about it, he he will just lift it off your shoulders. You know, you don't casting your cares is a is is an instruction that he gives us to do that can help you avoid getting it getting too bad. You know what I mean? I had carried it so long, bro. I I can't even throw it on him. I can't, you know, is I'm I'm crumbling under it, but he'll lift it off of you, you know what I mean? And uh, and then later on in life, man. So, you know, I was with that other company for some years, and later on in life, I knew the test time had come back around, and I was stronger, I was more mature, and my confidence in him and his faithfulness was different then, and and I made it through it. I knew it was the exact test, and I actually made it through that time. So, you know, these are the things, man, that you know, it's walking and living this life by faith is a real thing. And when you're in these dark seasons, these dark moments, the worst thing you can do is try to act like you're more than who you are, you know, or you know, acknowledge the pain, acknowledge that it's tough. The Holy Spirit, like, yeah, you bro, you want to go set the dude on fire, you know. And the thing is, he's like, don't do that. And then gave you and had a conversation with you. Like, let's let's talk this out. Let's say you go do it, and this happens, you're gonna go to jail. What about your children? You know, what about your children? Okay, yeah, man. You you did invest all this into this relationship. Okay, she cheated on you, bro. She, you know, she's doing it. I know you in your pain, that heart pain, bro, is another level of pain. I know you hurt, but you take you exact your own vengeance in this situation. I can't help you because you've been you doing my job, so you're gonna suffer those consequences, and you still got children, then what's gonna happen to them? And we we don't, we don't, if we don't stop and have these, these moments, these meditations, man, and be still, man. And and how will you even know what God can bring out of something if you don't see it all the way through, man? My dad used to tell me all the time, he's like, son, it is so easy to have January faith in December. Bro, that's I mean, yeah, you can sit there and sing the songs, you can, you can read the scriptures, you can have the devotions, you can do the journaling, you can do all of that. It don't even matter if when it comes down to it, you can't actually apply any of the stuff that you just you spent all your life believing and confessing and talking about and telling everybody else God is able and and doing all of these things, man, that that the Lord put these stories, these testimonies, these whether they're in scripture and all of that, what, or having somebody that testify like you did, bro. These are all for us to draw from to see that he is faithful, he can be trusted with the pain, he can be trusted, bro. It can't get more gruesome, it can't get too gruesome for God. It it he don't he he ain't scared, bro. Right, you know, he is not afraid of our drama, bro. He our messiness, man. And if anything, do I remember uh, and you know this story well, and I've told it a couple of times, man.
Grief On The Eve Of Wedding
SPEAKER_07Do my you know, and this was during the time when COVID was, you know, it wasn't in full, it was kind of, it was still it was still prevalent, but you know, it was winding down. Uh, people were starting to come out in public again, and you know, and all of that. So there was those sheltering in place, laws was lifting and all of that. So uh my daughter, man, was getting gonna be getting married in October, you know, October 10th, I believe, is the day her anniversary getting married. Bro, my mother passed away on October 9th. The day before my daughter's getting married, bro. I'm supposed to give my daughter away. I'm supposed, you know, we have we we've already put out the you know the invitations, and we were hosting the after what the reception at our house, bro. Woo! All of this. My my mother dies the day before. Dude, now had you asked me at the time, what would I do if this scenario happened? I was like, first of all, um it would devastate me. And I was like, and I would expect people, I would expect my daughter to cancel her wedding. You know, there's hearing that my her grandma and mama just died. Yeah. Ain't nothing, dude. Had you asked me that, that would have been because I'm thinking about a situation, you know, that I don't even have. Grace for because it's not real. You're creating a scenario that you're asking me to put myself in, and I'm and and grace is not even being afforded to this situation because it's not real. It hadn't happened. But bro, when it happened, the grace that God, I mean, when when we read this stuff, and when Paul said the Lord, my grace, his grace is sufficient, bro, it is because I'm I had that, and it wasn't like my mother was on a sick bed and all of this stuff for a long length of time, and this is something we saw coming. It it was it would it blindsided us, bro. We heard that she she had gone to the hospital, but when she went, she was, you know, under her own understanding and stuff. It wasn't tragic, it was just she was experiencing some type of you know mental episode or something was going on internally. We knew that. But from the time she went to the hospital, we couldn't go visit because at that time COVID was still enacted. Um, so you couldn't see people that were in, you know, in the hospital and stuff. You can go outside and look through their windows and stuff, but you couldn't see them. And uh, but the last thing we heard, man, my mother was, you know, doing better, and she's getting ready to go to rehab. You know, she's being transferred over to rehab. This is the last thing we heard. And then I get a call from my dad that morning, on Friday morning, that she died. Dude, you talking about, and you know me, man, I'm a mama's boy. I'm a mama's boy. Bro, that devastated me. And as I was going through that, my daughter is preparing and prepping to get married. Man, I withheld that information from her. Um, you know, didn't even tell me and my wife, man, just thought it was best. Like, don't even say anything right now. You know, um, and we prayed, and man, the father's grace is just was so comforting to us, bro. Did I cry walking her down the aisle? I was tearing. I'm sure people thought I'm tearing because I'm walking my daughter down the aisle. You know what I mean? You know, you know, yeah. And my daughter, man, we she had just heard. We had just told her. And we told her, but don't, don't, you, this is your day. And man, the the preacher, the the pastor that married them, uh, female pastor, she had knew, you know, my wife had told her that my mom had just passed the day before. And of course, she was, oh my God, you know, how, why is he here? Is he all, you know, this and that. And she prayed, you know, for us, and she actually stopped the ceremony, man. And it was people that knew me, that was knew us, that they didn't, we didn't tell them, you know, they heard it for the first time when the the pastor was took a moment of, you know, to honor and you know, silence for my mom and prayer for the family and all of that, man. Dude, it could have been, that could have turned into a very gloomy moment, gloomy time. Holy Spirit touched us, man, and in a very special way and graced us to get through that. We brought people back to the house. Um, and my wife just let people know, like, my husband's mom just passed. If you see him and he dips off, just give him his space. He's all right, but this happened. But everybody, this is not a time to you know be grieving and everything. This is celebration, and man, and we were able to get through that, man. And we we ministered to the people and served them up, and and we had a good time, man.
SPEAKER_05And um wow, yeah, yeah.
Grace Pain And Final Takeaways
SPEAKER_07Yeah, man. This is so you so when you know, man, when you experience these things, and you can, like you said, tell the testimony, look back on it, and know that God is, man, he is who he says he is, bro. But but you do gotta walk it out, and it's and it's and some of it's gonna be pain, and you're gonna have to carry some pain with it. And but he's there. It's like you said, you felt one of the worst things was is that you felt alone, even in a crowded room. And but man, when you come into that legit, authentic relationship with the father, bro, and you you can you don't ever feel alone, bro. Dude, and this ain't no go ahead. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_04Oh no, and it was crazy because now at that time I was always around people. Now, yes, I'm not around people at all, dude.
SPEAKER_07I love being alone, I love it, man. You know what I mean? I love being alone because it get and I love people too. Don't get me wrong, man. I don't not, man. Wifey just took me to uh see Layla Hathaway Wednesday, man, down at the Aretha Franklin Theater, Amphitheater, bro. You know, it's a love being around my people, Detroit, man. It was having a ball, bro. Um, you know, so I love being around people, but man, I dude, you ain't threatening me with a good time if you tell me, like, well, I'm gonna leave you here and this and that, bro. Because when you have that relationship, the Lord feels that, man. He feels that space. And when that space is full, dude, you can go through anything, man. G Jesus went, bro, what he went through, we can't fathom what it took to go through. He was forsaken by all his crew, he was forsaken by every bro, the planet basically had forsook Jesus, dude. Yeah, but he was able to go through the worst of times, man, because of his relationship with the Father. Nevertheless, now my will, your will be done. He hanging on the cross. He says, Father, into your hands I commit my spirit. He's getting ready to die and go to hell, bro. You know, you know, we we we we gloss over this stuff, man. And and and we see the instructions that the scripture gives us, bro. Like, cash your cares upon him because he cared for you, and that you know, he'll never leave you nor forsake you. These are not just quips and these are not just hyperboles, dude. Cliches, cliches, right? He is literally telling you that I got you, I'm rocking with you. And I ain't rocking with you because if you stay, if we rock together, the wheels ain't falling off. You know what I mean? I'm gonna rock with you all the way to the end. He told his disciples, I'm with you always, even to the end of the world, bro. It doesn't, I don't care how bad things get, I'm gonna always rock with you. And if you have confidence and know that and the reality of that, it's nothing you can't go through. It's not a lie that you don't feel the pain. I'm not gonna sit and tell people that the pain ain't real, it's real. But was, you know, as they people say, life be life, and what you know what I say, but Christ be Christ and bro. You know, you know what I mean, and that that's real talk, man. And God is always ready to uh to get us through any situation, man.
SPEAKER_06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_07Ain't no need to even keep on going on nothing else, bro. That's a deep topic, man. Yeah, but wifey, you better you listen to this. And if you got some stuff to say, make your comment online, you know what I mean? Make your comment online, you know, don't, yeah, we can talk about it, but come on, you know, let the people see, you know, and engage that uh we we we got into your topic and and we just you know and we was true to it, so yeah, sis.
SPEAKER_04It took it took the shenanigans out of me. You hear me?
SPEAKER_07I'm quiet over here, yeah, yeah. You know, we normally laughing and you know, and just bantering, but yeah, it you're saying it took the shenanigans. Yeah, we we are spiritual shenanigans, everybody. We got kingdom shenanigans, if that's what you want to call it. Well, uh, thanks for sharing, bro. Appreciate you, man. Appreciate you, dude. We love you, people of God.