Demystifying Child's Play | Play Schemas
Kia ora, Hello! I’m Ruth Vercoe, a teacher-turned-mum, here on a mission to demystify Child’s Play through understanding play schemas.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking, 'Why is my child doing that?'—whether it’s throwing their soft toys, hiding stones around the house, or lining up their crayons —then you’re in the right place, and certainly not alone.
Here, we’ll explore the magic of play through the lens of play schemas—those hidden repeated patterns in your child’s behaviour that hold the key to unlocking more meaningful play and connection.
Join me each week as we dive into playful insights that will help you bring more joy, connection and understanding into your parenting journey.
Get in contact at
Email Ruth@Playschemas.com
Facebook and Instagram @Play_Schemas
Demystifying Child's Play | Play Schemas
015 Why Your Words Matter: Affirmation in Play
In this episode, we delve into the fascinating world of child play through the lens of play schemas and the powerful impact of words of affirmation. Understanding why children engage in particular play patterns allows us to connect with them on a deeper level and support their growth more effectively. These schemas are not simply repetitive behaviors; they serve as gateways to developing essential skills like problem-solving and spatial awareness.
We discuss how to frame our communication to not only encourage our children but also help them understand the value of their efforts. Words hold tremendous power; hence, using affirmations thoughtfully can have a lasting impact on their self-esteem and overall development. Through concrete examples, we explore how to apply praise thoughtfully, nurturing your child’s sense of self regardless of the situation.
As we navigate the complexities of parenting, we recognize the importance of our energy and positivity in our interactions. Listening to your child’s play and responding with affirmation is key to fostering a supportive learning environment. This conversation focuses on practical, actionable insights for parents to implement at home, enhancing connections with your children while encouraging their unique paths to learning and exploration.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode:
✔️ The 10 Play Schemas – How children explore the world through play
✔️ Why Play Schemas Matter – Reduce frustration and support learning
✔️ Words That Empower – Practical scripts to affirm and encourage your child
✔️ The Hidden Power of Praise – How to uplift without over-praising
✔️ Avoiding Common Pitfalls – The impact of sarcasm, tone, and empty praise
Join us for a warm, engaging discussion that encourages deeper understanding and nurturing connections in your parenting journey. Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review to help us reach even more families!
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I would love to hear your playtime stories—whether you’re celebrating a win or trying to crack the mystery behind a new behaviour, I’m here for it. Reach out on social media or drop me a message.
Facebook and Instagram @play_schemas
Ruth@PlaySchemas.com
www.playschemas.com
and you just see that little smile and that little sparkle in his eye. So, thinking about how you can put in your words of affirmation to random places that aren't even attached to anything specific you're doing it's just showing that you love them as them Kia ora. Hello, I'm Ruth Bercow, a teacher turned mum, here on a mission to demystify child's play through understanding play schemas. If you've ever found yourself asking why is my child doing that, whether it's throwing their soft toys, hiding stones around the house or lining up their crayons, then you're in the right place and certainly not alone. Here we'll explore the magic of play through the lens of play schemas, those hidden, repeated patterns in your child's behaviour that holds the key to unlocking more meaningful play and connection. Through understanding play schemers, you'll be able to move beyond those one-off activities and understand the why behind your child's play. Join me each week as we dive into playful insights that will help you bring more joy, connection and understanding into your parenting journey and set the stage for a lifetime of learning. Let's dive on in.
Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to the Demystifying Child's Play podcast, the podcast where we unlock secrets of how their little one learns through play. I'm Ruth Vercoe, and today we're diving into two powerful topics that can transform your parenting Play schemers and the love language, words of affirmation, which is the way we speak to our children, and how much it matters, because the right words at the right time can have a lasting impact, but also negative words can have a lasting impact too. So we're going to have a look at both, and when we understand how our child plays, we can connect with them in a way that nurtures their development and strengthens our relationship. So what are play schemers? Play schemers are those natural repetitive patterns of play that children engage in as they explore the world around them. There are 10 common play schemers, including trajectory, which is throwing and dropping objects, transportation, which is moving things from one place to another, and enclosure, which is like building forts and putting things inside containers. These play urges are how children learn fundamental skills like problem solving, coordination and spatial awareness. As parents, understanding these schemers can reduce our frustration and help us support our child's natural curiosity. So, instead of feeling annoyed when your toddler throws their spoon again, you can recognise it as a part of their trajectory schema and provide some alternative, safe ways for them to explore it, like tossing softballs into a basket. So let's get comfortable, whether you're out on a walk catching a rare moment of quiet or multitasking around the house.
Speaker 1:Let's dive in and explore the second of five love languages words of affirmation, and how we can incorporate it into our everyday play. And, as I said in previous episodes, this series is based on the five love languages of children by Gary Chapman, which I highly recommend you get your hands on, and, if you can wait until the end of the series, everyone on my mailing list is going to be in the draw to win a copy, no matter where in the world you are. As long as you can get posts into your house, you can be in to win. So head to Play Schemas, that's play S-C-H-E-M-A-S dot com to join the mailing list before the end of March 2025. Otherwise, if you're listening later, join it anyway. There'll be some great stuff there.
Speaker 1:Let's start the love language, words of affirmation. This is one of the five love languages identified by Gary Chapman. This love language is about verbal expression of love and encouragement. Children who thrive on words of affirmation need to hear that they are loved not just for what they do, but for who they are. This means offering positive reinforcement, acknowledging achievements and praising efforts, not just outcomes. Saying I love how you keep trying, when they're learning to ride a bike, for example, is far more impactful than you're such a good cyclist. We've had this recently with our three nearly four-year-old going from a balance bike a running bike, we'd call it to a pedal bike with training wheels, to a pedal bike without training wheels but needing the adult to help, to being able to do it completely independently. Being able to encourage him to try and try and try, and saying that when he's falling over, that's part of trying, has been really important. If we just said you're learning to be such a good cyclist, he wouldn't have had that explicit and timely praise along the way, which a probably wouldn't have helped his progression as much because he wouldn't have known what he was doing really well, but also it wouldn't have filled his bucket as much. So having that I love how you keep trying. I love how you knew that falling over was part of your learning experience. Having those words of affirmation in there gave him much more bucket filling, much more encouragement than just you're a great cyclist, you're doing really well, and that's because it highlights the effort rather than just a label.
Speaker 1:However, there is a balance if we over our words can lose their meaning. Saying great job every time they do something small can make the praise feel empty. Instead, we need to be specific. That was an amazing throw. You aimed so well. This makes your words more meaningful. And then, in the same breath, we need to be careful with our sarcasm. As adults we've learned, especially in New Zealand, how to use sarcasm really well with other adults. Children often don't understand sarcasm. If we said to them great throw, when it maybe hit a window or hit a sibling, they'll be getting confused, saying they just said it was really great, but now they're saying it's not good. Or saying, wow, great job making that mess. It might seem harmless, but to a child it can be confusing or even hurtful.
Speaker 1:The words we use shape the way our children see themselves and see the world. Our words either encourage or discourage our children's effort. So, for example, when they're learning new words, maybe when they're mastering toileting or trying to ride a bike, if they only hear criticism they may feel like they're constantly failing, but if they hear encouragement, they'll be building confidence in their abilities. I've seen this time and time again with toileting. We've had one of our children learn how to use a toilet and we're thinking about soon probably starting teaching our other child. But along the journey I've seen some really negative language being used around toileting and kids learning and really shaming them. And then I've seen the speed of them learning how to use the toilet really diminish compared to those kids who have been really uplifted and encouraged and positive talk around their bodies and using the toilet. Their trajectory about learning how to use the toilet on their own is often a lot faster, with a lot less accidents.
Speaker 1:When talking to others about this, sometimes it's just really hard to find the right words. If you're finding this hard, have a go at just stopping and checking in with yourself. If your tank's running on empty either physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally it can be hard to offer encouragement to other people. So make sure as a parent which, especially as mums can be really hard to do you need to take care of yourself first so that you can show up with the right energy and enthusiasm for your child. When you're feeling positive about yourself and you've got energy, you might be doing some things with fitness, you might be working your brain, you might be doing different things just to make you feel you again. If you're bringing your right energy. If you're bringing yourself to your child, then you can really encourage them, and it's something we can all work on. And the same with this being able to bring your right self is bringing the right volume.
Speaker 1:If we're constantly raising our voice over and over again when our child does something wrong, they'll learn to do the same. We can all learn to speak softly and respectfully. So modeling the communication we want to see to them is how we do it. For example, you've probably all heard the whole don't you yell at me? Hmm, what are you teaching them there? It can be really easy in the moment to raise and have that anger and have that level come up. But being able to pull it down and being able to meet it in a different way, saying hey, that was really not how we talk to each other at home, modelling it, talking through it and making sure that's how you talk to others in your house as well If your child is seeing you and your partner raising your voice at each other all the time, it's really hard to say we can do it, but you can't. So think about how you use those words and tones at home.
Speaker 1:Now, as I said at the start. Words have power to transform their lives positively, but also negatively. You've got the power to commend or condemn in the same place, and this really shapes the inner voice. It can be very easy to spot what our child is doing wrong, especially at the end of a long day, but let's flip that and focus on what they're doing right. So instead of saying don't be so loud, like I was saying before, maybe try and say let's use a quieter voice so we can hear each other better. Even a positive message framed negatively can often lead to negative results. Saying don't be so loud, as I just said, doesn't really give any context or any reason why Saying let's use a quieter voice so we can all hear each other better gives them a reason and helps bring the tone down.
Speaker 1:One more thing before I get into some ideas of how to show love through the play schemers using words of affirmation, is that love should never come with conditions. Saying I really love you when you behave sends the message that love must be earned. Instead, make sure they hear I love you no matter what, and if we slip up, make sure we apologize quickly. Words linger and children remember them. Owning our mistakes teaches them that words matter and that we value honesty and connection.
Speaker 1:As I've said in another episode, one of our sons is really into gifts as a love language, but he's also very into words of affirmation. I've really learned this. When I say something to him where I do affirm him, he goes thank you, mom. And, as I've said before, he said that he feels really loved. And I've said before, he said that he feels really loved and I've learned with this. Because of words of affirmation, I do need to throw it into other places. So sometimes we might be just sitting down reading together or playing and I'll just look at him and go Nancy, I really love you, I'm really enjoying spending this time with you, and you just see that little smile and that little sparkle in his eye.
Speaker 1:So, thinking about how you can put in your words of affirmation to random places that aren't even attached to anything specific you're doing, it's just showing that you love them as them. Okay, I'm going to share now some scripts that you can use that align words of affirmation and the love languages and what I'll do. I'll share them on my blog, which is playschemerscom slash 015 for number 15 episode, and on Instagram, too, through the week, which is at play, underscore schemers. Okay, we're going to go through the 10 different ones and I'll share two different ways for each one and how you can use word of affirmation with that schema. So, number one we'll go through the orientation schema, which is exploring different viewpoints. For example, hanging upside down, looking through legs, you could say I love how you're exploring the world in different ways. That is so creative. Or you have such a curious mind. What does it look like from that angle? With both of those, you're showing love. You're showing how you're really impressed with what they're doing and you're expanding the conversation as well, allowing them into it. Okay, number two We'll try to go through this quickly.
Speaker 1:It's the enclosure schema, so it's creating boundaries around objects or themselves. So building forts, making circles with toys. You could say, wow, you made such a cozy little space. You are such a great builder. Or I love how you're making a special area. It looks like such a fun place to be. Next, the rotation schema. Whether fascinated with spinning, turning wheels, rolling balls spinning themselves, you could say I see how much you love spinning. Your body is moving in such a fun way. Or that wheel is turning so fast. You're really paying attention to how things move, okay.
Speaker 1:Number four the transportation schema, which is moving objects or themselves from one place to another, for example, carrying toys, pushing carts, filling bags. You could say you're such a great helper, I love how you're moving things so carefully. You could say I can see you've got a plan for all your toys. What a smart way to move them. Trajectory schema, which is exploring movement in straight lines or curved lines throwing, jumping, running, sliding objects. Wow, you have so much energy. I love watching you run and jump. Or you threw that. So far, you're really figuring out how things move.
Speaker 1:Number six the positioning schema, which is arranging objects in a specific way, for example, lining up toys and stacking items neatly. You could say you're so thoughtful about where everything goes. I love your eye for detail. Or your lineup of cars looks amazing. You're making such a careful pattern. Can you tell me more about it?
Speaker 1:Number seven is the connection schema Joining things together, building blocks, tying things together, linking train tracks, linking hands. You could say you're so good at making things work together. That's some great problem solving. Or I love how you're connecting everyone. It looks like an amazing creation. Number eight disconnection schema taking things apart, so breaking down towers, unhooking train tracks, peeling stickers. You could say you're so curious about how things come apart. That's a great way to learn. Or I love how you're exploring different ways to change things. It's so clever.
Speaker 1:Number nine transformation schema, which is changing materials, mixing, moulding, cooking, messy play, pretend play. You could say you have such a creative imagination. I love how you turn one thing into another. Or that's an amazing mix you made. You are such a great scientist.
Speaker 1:And number 10, enveloping, which is when they're wrapping or covering objects or themselves, for example, dressing up, wrapping toys, hiding in toys, hiding in blankets. You could say, wow, you wrapped up your titties so carefully and thoughtfully. Or you could say, far out, you dressed up so amazingly. I didn't even know who you were. You have to tell me about who you are today. So, thinking about all of that, you would have heard in my voice it was positive. You could change them, probably being exactly the same words with a negative voice, and have a very different outcome. So think about, with what you're saying, how you're using your voice for it as well.
Speaker 1:So, with this, parenting is full of challenges, but you know what. You're listening to this podcast, so you're doing a great job, you're investing in yourself and your family. When we understand our child's play and love language, we can make every moment count and by by recognizing their play schemers, we support their development in a way that feels natural. By using words of affirmation thoughtfully, we can build them up with love and encouragement. So if you found today's episode helpful, I'd love to connect with you on instagram at play underscore schemers or head to the show notes playschemerscom for more insights and resources.
Speaker 1:And if you know a fellow parent who needs this, please share the episode with them. And I never thought. If you know a fellow parent who needs this, please share the episode with them. And I never thought I'd be a podcaster who said this, but your review really does matter. It helps Mrs Algorithm find more parents just like me and you, so please leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. Until next time, say it with me today is a great day to play.