She's Got Moxie

Emily has a birthday that turns out to be quite the eventful night.  After accidentally groping a Clippers player, getting in fights with bouncers, and closing down 3 bars, the girls debate the pros and cons of dating a guy from a food truck, the best way to get money from a sugar daddy, and the mysteries of a man affectionately called Grandpa G.

Transcript

Emily (00:00):

What's up Los Angeles? It's your buddies Emily and Sage back here on the Westside regaling our weekly shenanigans on Watch Me Do it. Sage, would you like to say hello to all of our followers?

Sage (00:10):

Yes. Yes. Hello everyone. Sage here. I'm still displaced by mold, but loving living next to Emily in Venice, and yesterday was my birthday. 

Emily:

Yes, it was. 

Sage:

So we've got great content to share.

Emily (00:24):

Well, I mean, it was surprisingly demure, if I can use that phrase, I know it's trendy right now. But it was, we were pretty boring, especially for us. I was prepared that we were going to sit here for an hour and being like, and then we did this, and then we did that. But we had a really lovely time with our doggies on Hermosa Beach.

Sage:

We did.

Emily:

So we did a little getaway and we did have a wonderful meal for her dinner. 

Sage(00:52):

So delish. So delish.  Thank you for dinner, Emily.

Emily (00:53):

Dinner was lovely.

Sage (00:54):

It was perfect.

Emily (00:54):

But it wasn't nearly as eventful as my birthday.

Sage (00:59):

Your birthday was bomb.

Emily (01:01):

Sage was on fire on my birthday!

Sage (01:01):

Yes, and we closed out three bars. I was so proud of myself for staying awake until 3:00 AM.

Emily (01:09):

I think it was later than that. I don't even know.

Sage (01:11):

Oh God.

Emily (01:11):

That next day we wouldn't be recording because I was rough… 

Sage:

Me too. 

Emily:

Around the edges that next day, barely getting the coffee. We were trying to go to Dog Day, remember we ended up sleeping through Dog Day.

Sage:

I drank so many Diet Coke that night just to stay awake and keep it rolling. 

Emily:

Well, you started work at 6:30 in the morning or something. 

Sage:

Of course. 

Emily:

And you didn't get your nap in.

Sage:

Nope. 

Emily:

Even after I pushed the dinner reservation back. But we had a lovely dinner for my birthday too. Also demure, but then it just like, I don't even know, it just fell apart. We ended up at Golden Bull in Santa Monica, which is fucking awesome. The bartenders are like, they just love life.

Sage (01:53):

They're dancing!

Emily (01:54):

They’re full of life, they're playing bongos. I was like, this is the best. Because usually, especially on the East Coast, bartenders are sassin’ at you and they're just like, they don't want to be there and they hate you, and they spit in your drink and you're like, what the fuck? And you get roofied. This place. It was like Party Central.

Sage (02:10):

And it's a dive bar. Yeah, it's great vibes. I love Golden Bull. And it's been there since 19 something… 

Emily:

40?  Something.

Sage:

Yeah

Emily:

Yeah. 

Sage:

And the food's amazing as well. So yeah, that was…

Emily:

Well, we didn't eat there. 

Sage:

No, but we have in the past. 

Emily:

That's true. 

Sage:

But that particular evening was just about Emily and drinks, and we brought along our friend Nelson.

Emily (02:34):

Yeah!  And then this super tall dude with dreads walks in and Sage just instantly freaks out. She's like, oh my God, I need that guy. I'm going to go after that guy. Give me a pen. I'm writing down my number. And she literally writes down her number, which I'm like, Sage, no, we don't write our numbers anymore. You put it in their phone. And she writes down the number, but every woman in this bar is falling all over this man, falling. And he's super huge. 

Sage:

He's like 6’7”?

Emily:

Super huge. 

Sage:

You can't miss him. 

Emily:

And we're like, what the hell is going on? And these women have diamond rings on their fingers, so I'm pissed. I'm like, wait, it's my fucking birthday. I'm single as fuck. Get off. Really? And they were like fawning, but I didn't really care about this guy. You did though.

Sage (03:19):

I just did it for the attention of like, okay,

Emily (03:22):

No, you were into it. You wanted…

Sage (03:23):

Clearly he's a basketball player.

Emily (03:24):

You wanted to bang him. No, we didn't know he was a basketball player at the time. You just wanted to bang him. You were like, he's hot.  

Sage (03:29):

If someone's that fucking tall, you're a basketball player.

Emily (03:31):

He’s tall. But then Nelson was also like, how would this physically work? Because Sage is really tiny to the extent that we couldn't even see her. Nelson's like, so she takes her number and she runs over there and there's this massive crowd of women. And so she's in there somewhere, but we can't see her.  How tall are you? 

Sage:

Five two. 

Emily:

Five two.

Sage (03:49):

Yeah.

Emily (03:50):

And this guy's 6’7”. And Nelson's like, where'd she go? And I'm like, oh, she's over there. And he's like, really? And I'm like, yeah. I was like, you can't see her, but she's in there, I swear. And then all of a sudden, this super tall dude just jumps five feet because she grabbed…

Sage (04:04):

I put my phone number written on paper in his back pocket. 

Emily:

Yup!

Sage:

And he was like, who's touching my ass? He jumps four feet, four. Who's that little girl? And I was like, call me later. And then he never did.

Emily (04:19):

Wah, wah, he never called. And so I'm like, see Nelson? She's right there. The guy just reacted. I'm like, that's totally Sage in there somewhere groping this man. And I turned to the bartender…

Sage (04:32):

He had a nice ass, by the way.

Emily (04:33):

I'm sure he did. Because I turned the bartender. And I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute. And I remind myself, I'm in LA now, and so this is not unheard of, this actually is common that it's a celebrity of some sort. So I'm like, okay. It was just weird, the vibe, the women, how tall he was. I was like, this is somebody. So I go to the bartender and I'm like, is he famous? And the bartender's like, yes, honey. Yes, he's famous.

Sage (04:57):

Clearly.

Emily (04:57):

Clearly. And we're like, okay. But the three of us, Sage, Emily and Nelson are all like, Hmm, who is this guy? We're just so dumb.

Sage (05:08):

We are.

Emily (05:08):

Clearly not sports fans. 

Sage:

No.

Emily:

But we find out later.

Sage (05:12):

Yeah, next morning we were hungover.

Emily:

That he was a Clippers player. We were like, who is that guy? 

Sage:

So I'm like, he's either Lakers or Clippers. Probably Clippers. Because…

Emily (05:20):

Didn't the bouncers say something though? When we went outside and you and Nelson were smoking, and we were like, who's that famous guy? And he said, he gave us hints.

Sage (05:28):

He gave us a hint, but he wasn't like, oh yeah, he's on the Clippers and he's a total basketball player.

Emily (05:32):

Right, but we figured it out.

Sage (05:34):

Right. So when I researched the next morning, I was like 6’7” Clippers player.  Dreadlocks.

Emily:

We don't even remember his name, even now. Everybody listening will be like, duh, it's blah-de-dah. And we're like, who? What?

Sage:

So I was like, Emily. Yeah. It was a basketball player. I found him online. Look, here he is.

Emily (05:52):

But Nelson to this day is like, if he actually called you, how would you have sex?

Sage (05:57):

I know because he's so tall and I'm so little.  How would we….

Emily (06:00):

He would have to toss you around or something. I don't know.

Sage (06:02):

I couldn't even lean in to kiss him because he's six feet taller than… 

Emily:

You were at his waistline. 

Sage:

Exactly. 

Emily:

Oh, well, that makes one thing…

Sage:

That makes one thing easy at the waistline, right?

Emily (06:13):

Yeah!  He should have called.

Sage (06:15):

Well, it's his loss.

Emily (06:16):

It's his loss. So anyway, we close down Golden Bull and we go to Bungalow.

Sage (06:22):

Oh gosh.  Bungalow.

Emily (06:23):

And Sage didn't even make it…

Sage (06:25):

Inside

Emily (06:26):

Inside the bar.

Sage (06:27):

No. So we go to Bungalow often, whether it's the piano bar or actually Bungalow, and you have to wait in this long ass line at Bungalow. And I'm always like….

Emily (06:38):

And Nelson and I are following the rules as we do, and we're standing in line and it was not a long line. And we get in and we're having drinks and we're having a good time, even though Nelson's checking out all these girls. And I'm like, hello, my birthday. 

Sage:

What about me? 

Emily:

What the fuck? I know we're just friends, but dude. And then I'm like, where the fuck is Sage? I started texting. I'm like, was she not in line with us?

Sage (07:00):

No, I left the line because I'm like…

Emily:

She refuses to stand in a line. 

Sage:

Correct. Fuck it. I've lived here for 23 years. I'm not waiting in your Bungalow line with all these 20 year olds. I am early forties. And so my trick over there at Bungalow is I pretend I'm part of the PR firm. And so I'll go into the manager and I'm like, I'm with public relations here at Fairmont. You have to let me in. And he will be like, what's the name of your PR company? And I'm like, Hmm, just trust me. I just spent a lot of money here at the piano bar. You're going to let me in. I'm not waiting in that fucking line. So I go back and forth between the manager and then the security guard gets involved, and he's like, you're going to have to wait in the line.

(07:42):

You're not exempt from that. And I'm like, no. I'm like, you're a fucking cocksucker. After that, he was like…

Emily:

Done. 

Sage:

Done. 

Emily:

Yeah. 

Sage:

He was like, Hey, I need some backup here. And so another woman security guard came over and they're like, we're now asking you to leave. And I'm like, ah, I'm not leaving. I'm going to have a cigarette. I'm going to remind you that I just spent tons of money at the piano bar. I'm here frequently.

Emily:

But not really. It was her fake PR company that didn't really have an event there. 

Sage:

Exactly. And so I'm smoking and they're both staring at me, these two security guards, and they're like, ma'am, you need to go. You need to leave. And I'm like, under what terms? And they're like, we're going to escort you out of here. And I'm like, if you do, I'm going to call the cops. I didn't break any rules. And so they end up after my cigarette. They're like, all right, get up. And so they're like, you're being escorted and physically holding my arm. And…

Emily (08:38):

You had bruises.

Sage (08:39):

I know!

Emily (08:40):

My birthday photo album, there's one in the middle of Sage's arm with bruises all over it.

Sage (08:47):

Yeah. So they manhandled me and I was like, fuck that. So as soon as I got to the curb, I called the police. And the most exciting part of it was that the fire department showed up too. And so one of the firemen come up to me and they're like, oh, are you okay? Do you need assistance? And I was like, I do need assistance. And he was hot. Right? Of course. All firemen.

Emily (09:06):

Yeah.

Sage (09:06):

That's a fuck yeah.

Emily (09:07):

Yeah.

Sage (09:09):

So he's like, do you need assistance? And I'm like not with my arm or bruises, but maybe in other ways. Do you want to take me back with you to the fire station? 

Emily:

And he didn't. 

Sage:

No. 

Emily:

Twice rejected. 

Sage:

Yeah. And he's like, just go talk with the police officer, ma'am. Have a nice night.

Emily (09:26):

But wait, so Bungalow called the police?

Sage (09:29):

I did.

Emily (09:29):

You called. Oh.

Sage (09:30):

I did.

Emily (09:31):

But then why did the fire department show up?

Sage (09:32):

Because in Santa Monica, they always do when there's a call.

Emily (09:35):

Oh.

Sage (09:36):

Yep. 

Emily:

Interesting. 

Sage:

It's really nice. Calling 911 over here. 

Emily:

Okay, ladies,

Sage:

You get eye candy

Emily (09:41):

If you're lonely, call 911

Sage (09:45):

In Santa Monica. Yeah.

Emily:

Only if you're in Santa Monica.

Sage:

Right.

Emily (09:48):

If you're in Beverly Hills, sorry it doesn’t work.

Sage (09:48):

You'll get the police force and the fire department, which is the most important.

Emily (09:55):

Yeah.

Sage (09:55):

Fuck the police.

Emily (09:56):

Okay. Meanwhile, we have no idea this is happening. None. I thought you went home.

Sage (10:00):

No, I was out dealing with my firemen and my situation with the police. So the police were like, okay, we're going to review the tapes. Because I was like, I was wrongfully escorted out of here for no apparent reason. Sure I said I was with pr, but…

Emily (10:15):

And you called the bouncer a cocksucker.

Sage (10:17):

Yeah

Emily:

But that doesn't count.

Sage:

Exactly. It's not really breaking rules. So the policemen went inside, reviewed the tapes, and they come back out and they were like, oh, we don't see any foul play against the employees or the security guards, and we're just going to call it a night. And sorry, ma'am, have a good one. 

Emily:

Meanwhile, Nelson and I were on our second round just like chit chatting. 

Sage:

Okay. So then at that point I was like, Hey, you guys need to come out, or I am leaving.

Emily (10:49):

Right, right.

Sage (10:49):

And you're like, oh, no, no, we're finishing up. They're closing anyways.

Emily (10:51):

Well, yeah, we closed down Bungalow after Golden Bull. So we just kept rolling.

Sage (10:55):

And then so you guys meet me at the curb and we jump into an Uber.

Emily (10:58):

No, before the Uber, the Food Truck Guy rolls by in his little food truck, and Sage and I immediately duck and hold our heads down and Nelson's like, what is going on? Because my good friend Sage here. So we told you the story of her love bomber and her big breakup, and she's still mourning that to this day, and she needed to shake the rust off. She's single for the first time in a long time, and we're going to this comedy show in Venice, and we're late and we don't want to be late because the doors will close. And we bought tickets. And so it's like, okay, we need to eat something really fast though, because we haven't eaten. And there's this food truck out there, and the guy was gorgeous, European gorgeous, and Sage tries to pick him up. Well, you did end up picking him up, but at the time I was like, oh my God, I was so embarrassed. I was like, you have no game. I was like, what are you doing? Because we're ordering our chicken shawarmas or whatever…

Sage:

Gyros, yeah.

Emily:

Whatever they were. And she's like, wait, can I have your number? What did you say?  I can’t really remember what you said.

Sage (12:08):

No, that's not what happened at all. His number's plastered on the side of the food truck.

Emily (12:14):

Well, she takes her little reading glasses out, because she can't see half the time.

Sage (12:20):

I’m deaf, I can't hear.

Emily (12:21):

She’s like wait, wait, I need your number. And she's digging in her mom bag and she takes her glasses out and she's got her phone, and then it's his Instagram first, it was his Instagram. She's like, I don't do social media. And this guy, I'm like, oh my God, you have no game. This is the least smooth pickup I've ever seen.

Sage (12:41):

No, it was perfect. 

Emily:

He loved it. 

Sage:

I know. So I wrote down his phone number and later text him. I was like, those gyros were so good.

Emily (12:48):

I helped you text stuff, you remember. So we go to the comedy show and we're like, okay, you literally just, I was like, we have to redeem this. I was like, we have to make this better, because that was so mortifying. You just weren't smooth. You just didn't have your game because you were brand new to the single world. And who picks up a guy in his food truck? 

Sage:

Girl, you know.

Emily:

That's a five star pickup at the end of the day that you picked up the guy out of his food truck.

Sage (13:14):

Let me just say, you later weeks after that were like, I was wrong about you. You have so much fucking game. 

Emily:

Yeah!

Sage:

I showed you up, girl, after you did your little town whore intro, I was like, okay, I can do it up too.

Emily (13:30):

I’m going to one up Emily over here. 

Sage:

Yeah, exactly. 

Emily:

Yeah.  So yeah, we're in the comedy show and it's going on, and it was kind of lame. And so we had more fun. And I'm not letting her text this guy. I'm like, no, let me do it. Let me do it. And I'm hovering over her and I'm watching her, and I'm like, oh no. And I'm like, put a winky face in there. You can do this. Be flirty. Anyway, she ends up going on this super romantic date with this guy.

Sage (13:55):

Well, because he texted me and he said, I'd like to take you out to dinner. And I was like, wow, that's classy. Most men can't even fucking say that. 

Emily:

Well, he's European. 

Sage:

Right. And so he asked me out and I was like, oh, well that's very polite of you.

Emily (14:09):

To a nice wine bar.

Sage (14:10):

How a gentleman should act. 

Emily:

Yeah.

Sage:

So I did meet him for dinner, and…

Emily (14:15):

And he speaks Italian to her…

Sage:

Oh yeah.

Emily:

And she's like rubbing it into us and our other girlfriends. And I was so pissed. I was like, what the fuck? Clearly, this is when I started to change my mind that I was like, alright, maybe I'm the one that doesn't have game. Like what? This girl literally fumbles along and this guy is speaking sweet nothings in her ear in Italian and buying her wine.

Sage (14:41):

Yeah, it was worth the date. Yeah.

Emily (14:43):

Well, there were a couple dates.

Sage (14:45):

No, that was the one.

Emily (14:47):

I thought you went on a couple dates. Well, it only lasted like a week. Right?

Sage (14:50):

Right. Because…

Emily:

Well then, what happened?

Sage:

Because he's a food truck guy. He's always off by 9:00 PM. I'm like, I'm sleeping. I can't meet you for ice cream or whatever at 9:00 PM.

Emily (15:01):

Yeah but that's not why it ended.

Sage (15:03):

Well…

Emily:

Tell the people what happened.

Sage:

It ended because we had sex and his dick was like three inches. And he's telling me, talk dirty to me. And I'm like, I'm not going to fucking talk dirty to you. I don't even know you. I'll talk dirty if I love you. Or it's hot and intimate.

Emily (15:22):

This is like date two.

Sage (15:23):

Yeah. And so after he comes in two fucking minutes with a three inch dick and tells me to talk dirty, and he was like, that was amazing.

Emily (15:33):

Yeah. He texted her the next day and he's like, hi, Sage. That was amazing.

Sage (15:37):

I'm like, amazing?? I'm never calling you again. I never want to text or see you again.

Emily (15:43):

But here's the downfall. Be warned, ladies. When you pick up a guy in the food truck that roams around your neighborhood, you see him all of the time.

Sage:

I'm always ducking. I'm like, fuck there he is. 

Emily:

We're always like, fuck, there's the food truck guy. And so she's all bruised sitting on the curb. We’re three bars in already, wasted on my birthday. And there he goes, beep, beep, beep, beep. And it's like, oh fuck, everybody duck, the food truck guy is here. But he did help you shake your rest off.  After that you were like, 

Sage:

I was like, let's go.

Emily:

On a roll.  You were on a fucking roll. Yeah. So anyway, as is evidenced from my friend Sage here, she's got some moxie.

Sage (16:20):

I do have Moxie, and so does Emily.

Emily (16:23):

Yeah.  Yeah.

Sage (16:24):

And we want to embrace that moxie.

Emily (16:25):

Yeah. But what is Moxie? What does that mean? What does that moxie to you?

Sage (16:30):

I mean, to me, it’s owning it, being assertive, feeling like you have control over situations that you need to be present with. Feels like just being a badass bitch.

Emily (16:48):

Yeah. 

Sage:

What is it to you? 

Emily:

I think it’s you.  It's like you to a T, it's feisty. It's this force of character. It's this determination, courage. I actually looked it up when we were like, because Nelson had no idea what I was talking about.

Sage:

What Moxie was.

Emily:

Yeah, when I was like, oh my God, she's got so much moxie. And he was like, what the fuck is Moxie? Nelson's younger. He's in his twenties. So I looked it up and in Dictionary.com says, courageous spirit,

Sage (17:14):

Uh huh.

Emily (17:16):

Perseverance, vigor, verve, and pep.

Sage (17:20):

I got pep in my step, baby.

Emily (17:22):

She's got so much pep.

Sage (17:24):

Yeah.

Emily (17:24):

So much pep pep.

Sage (17:25):

I totally agree with all of that. That is my personality and my character.  I own it.

Emily (17:30):

Yeah.

Sage (17:31):

Proud of it. And so for all of our listeners, what's your moxie? And I actually had another friend of mine, Grandpa G, leave me this fabulous voicemail about my moxie.

Emily (17:46):

Yeah. He said, “you got some moxie girl” or something like that. 

Sage:

Yeah. “You've got that moxie.” 

Emily:

It was literally like I called you that, and then you were like, wait, Grandpa G just…

Sage (17:55):

Just left me a voicemail. 

Emily:

Yeah.

Sage (17:57):

And so Grandpa G, I met about five years ago through another friend of mine by the name of Tom. And Tom and I and Grandpa G got together to have a threesome. And this was after my divorce. And I was living in Agoura and went to Canyon Club, which I love. I used to go there in my early twenties with my girlfriends. Anyways, so I meet Tom at Canyon Club and I literally scream across the bar where everyone can hear me, “I'm going to fuck you tonight!” I'm saying this to Tom. And he's like, who is this crazy bitch? 

Emily:

Moxie!

Sage (18:38):

Yeah. And then, so he gets my number, he calls me next day, whatever. And then he's like, “hey, I have a friend, are you interested in a three-way?” And I was like, “I don't know. I've never done that. How does it work with two guys? This would be my first time.” And so it took me a while to think about it and Tom is cool and he's hot. And I was like, maybe this would be fun. I don't know who fucking cares. Let's just see. So the three of us sleep together, and I was like, you guys are going to have to tell me how this works because this is my first time. Of course, they're very sweet with me. They are excited for the opportunity. You know?  And I'm like, okay. So I did it. And I was like, that was okay. I wasn't like…  

Emily (19:33):

Well, well what did they do? Because usually when you think of a three-way, it's like two girls and a guy, right?  Well, that's at least what you see on TV, in the movies and what guys fantasize about.

Sage (19:41):

Yeah. That's what guys fantasize about.

Emily (19:44):

These are two guys.

Sage (19:45):

So women are fantasizing, I think, about two guys.

Emily (19:48):

Are we?

Sage (19:49):

Would you want to sleep with a woman?

Emily (19:52):

I've never done a three-way.  Uhhhh, fair.

Sage (19:53):

I don't.

Emily (19:53):

I get too jealous. I'd be like, bitch, especially if it's somebody I care about, I would, she'd be gone.  I’d throw her out.

Sage (19:58):

Well, I don't care about either of these two people.

Emily (19:59):

Yes, you do.

Sage (20:02):

Okay. They're my friends, but we're not having three-ways all the time.

Emily (20:06):

No.

Sage (20:07):

No.

Emily (20:08):

But do they just take turns? Does one just sit?

Sage (20:12):

No, sometimes.

Emily (20:13):

Really?

Sage (20:14):

Sometimes. Yeah. No, it was like you're sucking one’s dick, one's fucking you while you're doing that. Or then they don't want to come right away. So they will sit and take a break. Or Tom even turned on a…

Emily:

It's like soccer where they have to go sit on the bench.

Sage:

No, I was just going to say, he turned on a soccer game, so he was distracted by the soccer game, so he didn't cum.

Emily (20:32):

Wow.

Sage (20:34):

Yes. So they can doze out.

Emily (20:39):

Well, well Grandpa G gets a little help.  Doesn’t he?  He's like, he's got pills.

Sage (20:40):

Oh yeah. He's taking Viagra or whatever. The blue pills, I think is what they are.

Emily (20:43):

Yeah, yeah you would think at his age.

Sage (20:47):

And again, I don't know Grandpa G's age, I just know he has grandkids. So he's Grandpa G.

Emily (20:52):

So that could be anything.

Sage (20:53):

Right?  I've never asked. 

Emily (20:54):

You can have a grandkid at 40, but he's not, you've always said 70 something.

Sage (21:00):

I mean, when I first met him, I would say mid sixties, but again, that was five years ago, so it would be like 70. I don't know. So yeah, there's a lot of dick sucking, a lot of fucking, and sometimes they take breaks and sit out. 

Emily:

It sounds like it's too much work. 

Sage:

It is. And then I'll get them off first and then it's like, hello?

Emily (21:22):

They're asleep taking a nap.

Sage (21:23):

Yeah. I'm like, what about me fuckers. So gang up, let's go. So again, it's not my total favorite, but it is an experience and it's not like I'm knocking on their door to do this.

Emily (21:36):

And now you have Grandpa G.

Sage (21:37):

Yeah.

Emily (21:38):

So, gang, we're trying, so Grandpa G has a lot of money and he has friends who are billionaires, and we just spent way too much money for Sage's birthday where we didn't even really do anything. But this hotel was ridiculously overpriced and charged us a million dollars for our dogs. But they're worth it because we love them. But still, we're like, okay, how do we make Grandpa G a real sugar daddy? And how do we ask him to cough up money for her birthday? And it didn't really work.

Sage (22:12):

No. 

Emily:

We haven't nailed this yet.

Sage:

We have not, because I’m not used to asking men for money. You and I both are successful. 

Emily (22:19):

We don’t need their money.  We're like, fuck you.

Sage (22:20):

Yeah, we pay our own bills. 

Emily:

Keep your money.

Sage:

Yeah.  But I wanted to test it for my birthday.

(22:24):

So I was like, “hey, since you're not in town and you won't be taking me out for my birthday, Emily and I want to take a little staycation, and it would be so nice if you could contribute since I can't go out with you. Ps I'd rather be with you than Emily, but under the circumstances, dah, dah, dah.” So instead he writes, “how about I just take you to Italy?” And I was like, okay, okay, that's fine. Yeah, we'll go to Italy. And then it's texts later and he's like, “in a year.” And I'm like… 

Emily:

Next year! 

Sage:

No, no, no. That's not timely at all for my birthday. That's in September.

Emily (22:59):

This dude is not going to be around next year.

Sage (23:01):

Yeah. I'm like, he could be dead by then.

Emily (23:03):

Yeah.

Sage (23:04):

Because he’s Grandpa G. So I don't know. I still have to navigate….

Emily (23:09):

Well, remember I asked my single male friend in his fifties, I said, “what do we say to a sugar daddy? How would you recommend that we talk?” He's not a sugar daddy. I think he wants to be, but he's not. And I had to say to him, I go, no offense, you're not a sugar daddy. Sorry. But I was like, “how does a woman ask for something from a sugar daddy?” And he said, “there's two options: one, you send a photo of your boobs all smooshed up so you see a lot of cleavage. Or two, when you're blowing him, it's right before he cums, just take a little break and ask.” That was his advice. 

Sage:

I like number two. I think that's… 

Emily:

That’s more natural for you, I think. 

Sage:

Yeah. But…

Emily (23:48):

You don’t do the pic thing.  You don’t send the pics, do you?

Sage (23:49):

No.  Sometimes, but I really don't get a response.

Emily (23:54):

Oh yeah.

Sage (23:55):

On it. So I was like, I'm not sending anymore.

Emily (23:57):

It's stupid. I don't understand it. All this, these, especially the younger girls, they're taking all these, they're obviously filtered. They're obviously, and you're leaving nothing to the imagination. It's just kind of like there's no, what? I don't know. I'm not a guy, so I can't comment. I know they must like it, but I just feel like it's like, okay, great. It's like you're basically like a Playboy. No, but they're not even Playboy because Playboy's kind of classy. It's like, yeah, just putting it all out there.

Sage (24:24):

It's just for attention.

Emily (24:25):

I know. But then if the end goal, well, maybe that's it. Maybe they don't have an end goal to actually get fucked and actually meet up with the person and reveal the body. And I don't know how you could, if they're that photoshopped.

Sage (24:39):

Totally. 

Emily:

You couldn't. You couldn’t.

Sage:

Then you're not even what you said you are. 

Emily:

Right. 

Sage:

We'll figure this out. We'll figure out how to get some money out of him maybe.

Emily (24:49):

But you do get a lot of support from him.

Sage (24:51):

A ton. And that's, that's more why I'm still in it with these discussions and text messages is because it's…

Emily (25:00):

He's a real friend.

Sage (25:01):

He's a friend, and he's supportive and he wants the best for me. 

Emily (25:05):

And so I think a key takeaway of this is that you can randomly pick up a 70 something year old in a bar and have a threesome with him, and you can still have a good friendship with him later on.

Sage (25:15):

Right, and not still have to fuck him or have, yeah, he wants my company.

Emily (25:20):

Well, I think he genuinely cares about you as a person.

Sage (25:22):

And he wants that company even afar. He's been in Nebraska for months now, helping his mom with her situation, whatever. But I'm his outlet. He wants to hear from me and he wants to talk with me.

Emily (25:36):

Yeah. It's more than just the sex.

Sage (25:38):

Totally. For sure. So yeah, he's a good friend and five years later, yeah, he does care about me.

Emily (25:43):

Exactly. 

Sage:

Totally. 

Emily:

Exactly. And he's helping you with your career change.

Sage (25:46):

Yeah. He has advice and opinions or suggestions. I was going back and forth with him. So I'm studying law, and currently it's criminal law, but I also am very passionate about family law due to the fact that I was divorced. I am still in this realm of family law.  And so criminal law I really like because I've always been into Dateline and Unsolved Mysteries and Forensic Files, and I was like, instead of watching this shit, why don't I apply myself and go to college for it and study law? So anyways, Grandpa G leaves me this really sweet voicemail about seeing me as a prosecutor and how I have that moxie.

Emily:

And then he went to the bathroom and jacked off immediately. 

Sage:

Yeah. Then he's sending me texts and you're wearing a pencil skirt and you have your high heels on.

Emily:

Hell yeah.

Sage:

In your blazer. And I'm like…

Emily (26:47):

He didn't know it but he has a fetish for prosecutors.

Sage (26:48):

Yeah. He's dressing me up in the courtroom and owning the judge. And I was like, okay.  So we'll share this voicemail with you guys.

Emily (26:59):

Yeah, yeah. Let's play Grandpa G so they can hear the man of mystery.

Sage (27:04):

Because it is sweet.

Emily:

It is very sweet. 

Sage:

And it's supportive. Here we go.

Grandpa G (27:13):

So I think you should go for the criminal because I've been in court a few times and a couple murder trials actually 

Emily:

What?

Sage (27:23):

I know, murder trials?

Grandpa G (27:24):

I’ve seen the most badass prosecutor women.  They always supersede the men. One was Marsha Clark. I happened to see her in the hallway in LA when I was testifying in a different murder trial, not OJ Simpson.

Emily (27:39):

Number two? 

Sage:

Another murder trial.

Grandpa G (27:40):

There she was. And I saw her come down the hall and walk into a courtroom and I thought, you know what? That lady is somebody to be contended with. I didn't even know who she was. Then a couple of months later, I see her on TV during the OJ Simpson trial, and I'm, oh yeah, okay. And then I was involved in a murder trial in Ventura County, and again, 

Sage:

The third one!

Grandpa G:

The prosecutor attorney was a female, and this woman had it on the ball. She commanded respect, and everybody in that place was beholden to her, including the judge. So you could pull that off. You would be excellent at it, and I would love to see you in that role. It may not be as fulfilling. I don't know what you're looking for, fulfillment or how it makes you feel, but the most effective ones that I've seen are the female prosecuting attorneys. So it might be fun to think about. I can see you doing that easily. You have that moxie and you'd pull it off. I love you, darling.

Emily (28:45):

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What the fuck?

Sage (28:49):

Three murder trials.

Emily (28:50):

Different, separate. 

Sage:

Yeah. 

Emily:

And we don't know how he's involved.

Sage (28:53):

No, I do now.  I was like, what?

Emily (28:59):

So he's not a sugar daddy, he's like an ex-con like, with the mafia. I think we let this one marinate and let people have their own judgments over Grandpa G’s murder experience. 

Sage (29:13):

I know the answer.  Because he is involved in many avenues like commercial and residential real estate.  And then he has his own…

Emily (29:24):

What is this like Murders in the Building? Like a tenant is bleeding out on his floor and he has to mop up the blood? What is that?

Sage (29:31):

No. So then he's also involved in mortgages and brokering, and then… 

Emily:

Still not murder related.

Sage:

But then also involved with insurance claims. So he explained to me that some of these murder trials, the women, the wives actually have no fucking heart and made sure that their husbands died so they could collect their insurance policy.

Emily (29:54):

And Grandpa G shows up?

Sage (29:56):

Yeah, because he was the one.

Emily (29:58):

He's the insurance guy?

Sage (29:59):

Exactly. Yeah. 

Emily:

I don't know. 

Sage:

Isn't that something? 

Emily:

It doesn't track.

Sage:

Well,

Emily (30:04):

I don't know.

Sage (30:06):

Actually, I don't know his last name. It might be helpful to Google search to see if he has a record.  I don't know.

Emily (30:11):

Maybe let's do that before we make him your sugar daddy.

Sage (30:14):

Yeah, yeah.

Emily (30:15):

Because then you might start getting implicated in something that you don't want to be.

Sage (30:19):

Shit.  Oh my God. We need to go backwards on this one.

Emily (30:23):

So that's all we have for you today everybody.  Tune in next week. We'll find out more about Grandpa G’s murder trials, if we can find him. And in the meantime, we just want you to go own your moxie, Ladies.

Sage (30:37):

Until next time, thanks for listening.

Emily (30:39):

Bye. 

Sage:

Bye.