Vixen Vibes

Emily & Sage welcome Big K back to the show to get his take on cougars, modern day stalking, and the best age for companionship vs. a hookup.  The gang also revisits Emily’s crazy hookup from the last episode and all agree that he's worth stalking in order for Emily to have some more fun.

Check us out on Instagram! @watchmedoitpodcast

Transcript

Sage (00:00):

Hey, Watch Me Do It, friends! How's our audience feeling about our content and our storytelling as two divorced women who are now single and ready to mingle?  My peeps, we'd love to hear your thoughts and comments on watchmedoitpodcast.com. Talk to us, write a review. Emily and I would love to hear from you.

Emily (00:19):

Yeah, we're on Instagram too @watchmedoitpodcast - send us a dm!

Sage (00:24):

Let's talk about competing with 20 to 30-year-old women who we'll call “Down Dorothy Down”. 

Emily:

Just get down Dorothy, just get down. 

Sage:

How do women in their early forties, like Emily and myself, compete with young modern day women?

Emily (00:39):

Yeah.

Sage (00:40):

We're also bringing back Big K today because he is over the moon and will not shut the fuck up about the micro penis hookup that happened to Emily in our last episode.

Emily (00:50):

No, he really won't. 

Sage:

No, he's so thrilled. 

Emily:

He's so upset that we didn't call him for that last episode, and he's just desperate to chime in about it. And so for those of you who are new to watch me do it, first of all, welcome to the show, but also I told a pretty incredible story in our last episode - number four, it's called Dick Drought, so we encourage you to just give it a listen and follow along. But I met a guy who has an unfortunate male deformity that Sage and I actually decided was pretty rad. 

Sage:

Yes!

Emily:

And there's actually a lot of benefits to it, and even Big K is excited about it.

Sage:

Emily hit the jackpot on that one. 

Emily:

We did. So we're going to get Big K's perspective on that. And then we're also going to get his perspective on this older woman, younger woman thing because I think it's true that men our age who are in their thirties, forties, fifties, always go for the girls in their twenties and they're not interested in us as age appropriate women. And I think it's really frustrating. And I had a situation, and we will also tell that story, with this woman we affectionately call Dorothy, who was probably in her early twenties and I felt like I was in big competition with, but Big K has some other thoughts on it, for sure. 

Sage:

That’s right.

Emily:

And he's excited to be back on the show.

Sage (02:17):

And he's in favor of us Cougars. Go get it, girl.

Emily (02:20):

He is. He's in favor of us just being who we are and loving life the way we do and just going for it and being confident in our own selves. So he's a really great friend and I think we should give him a call. 

Sage:

Okay. 

Emily:

All right, let's pull him up.

Big K (02:45):

What's up?

Sage (02:46):

Hey Professor, Big K, how are you? It's Sage.

Big K (02:50):

Hello, Sage. Emily, what's going on, people?

Sage (02:53):

We are just discussing how we feel that we have this competitiveness with younger girls that are in their twenties, and are we still hot in our mid forties?

Emily (03:05):

Like do men that are in their late thirties to late forties, let's give that age range, are they all just going to go after the 20 somethings? My ex-husband remarried a chick 10 years younger. So come on. It's so cliche.

Big K (03:22):

So here's the problem. You guys are looking at it the wrong way. You guys are the ones now dads want to do you and young guys want to do you. 

Emily:

You know what, Big K? 

Big K:

So you're in the perfect area.

Emily (03:33):

I was actually thinking that middle age is actually pretty exciting because you can date the son and then you can also beg his dad. 

Big K:

That’s right.

Sage:

Exactly. 

Big K:

No doub.t

Emily:

You can go either direction. 

Sage:

Perfect. 

Emily:

Down 20, up 20.

Sage:

There you go!

Emily:

Sage does 20 plus as we know from Grandpa G

Sage:

Wait, wait, wait.

Emily:

But… I say down ten plus ten.  My range is a little…

Sage (03:53):

Emily's range is like 20 to thirties, and I'm more like fifties to seventies. 

Emily:

So we split the middle, we meet in the middle. Yeah.

Big K (04:07):

I see one of you guys, I don't want you to get this wrong. The young guy, he wants to hit it and quit it. The old dude, looking for a companion. I mean that's the difference. But there's the difference. The young girls are going to be what the old dude tried to get just to hit it. They want to get locked up. And then you got the young dude that you guys can get. You can't try to make him your boyfriend. He just wants to tell his friends he hit a Cougar.

Emily (04:34):

Interesting. 

Sage:

Makes sense. 

Emily:

So basically, this really explains all these 70, 80-year-old billionaires that have a 25-year-old is that they both meet in that we want to be settled and have a companion and get married. And those guys can still bring out babies. 

Sage:

That's true.

Big K (04:48):

That's right.

Emily (04:49):

But then everybody in the middle is just looking for a bang. Is that your interpretation?

Big K (04:54):

My interpretation is that you guys are in the perfect situation. You can have a companion or you can have a booty call, whatever you want.

Sage (05:01):

Yes, we're winning. 

Emily:

That's the best part of being single. 

Big K:

Take advantage of it. 

Sage:

Yes. And we're still hot.

Big K (05:05):

And having a vagina.

Sage (05:07):

Yeah, pussy is power.  All day.

Emily (05:07):

Pussy is power. But let me tell this story of Dorothy because we already brought her up.  A little Dorothy…

Sage:

At 20 years old. 

Emily:

Because I did not win this one and I don't know why. And so, Big K, you might remember this one. It was from over the summer. I was invited to a birthday party, actually my friend was, and I went along with her and there's a bartender and I was flirting with the bartender, whatever, that's what I do as we know. So first of all, the woman's birthday, she's turning 60. So everybody in this room is like, I'm probably the youngest person in the whole room and she's fabulous. You would have no idea that she's 60. This bar was actually incredible. So it's in downtown LA, totally down an alley where you think you're going to get murdered. It's so typical of LA and it's this sick, 

Big K:

Good vibes.

Emily (05:56):

Oh, awesome vibes. It's this big huge place with art all over the walls. And then there’s a stage with this DJ and she's - talk about young 20 somethings, but she was rad - 20 something DJ girl dressed in this silver spacesuit type thing with long blonde hair and she's just busting out the tunes and it's just an awesome place with a spiral staircase with a mezzanine that you can look over the whole place and everyone's grooving. So 60-year-old goes out with a bang. Yeah, let's go. It was an awesome birthday party. I looked really hot. I think Sage was very proud of my outfit here because I've been trying to pay really close attention to what I wear these days.

Sage (06:32):

I actually wanted to borrow it from you.

Emily (06:34):

There you go!

Sage (06:35):

It’s a very sexy romper. 

Emily:

Thank you!

Big K (06:36):

Was it hot enough that you didn't wear any underwear underneath it? That's when you know it's hot.

Emily (06:40):

I don't recall.

Sage:

She always wears underwear. I'm the one that doesn't wear underwear. 

Emily:

Come on, you can’t mix us up. 

Sage:

Yeah.

Big K (06:47):

We got to get it. If it's that hot, you don't need romps. That's what I'm saying.

Emily (06:51):

Well, okay. So yes, it was a romper. It had good cleavage. And then part of why it was so sexy is I had these heels on that were amazing and I felt like this tall Amazon style woman. But what happened was everyone's dancing and my feet were killing me, dying, killing me. So I took off my heels, which I know Big K, you say, don't ever take off your heels.

Big K (07:16):

Don't ever take the heels off. You gotta fight it. Fight the pain. You're better than that.

Emily (07:21):

Girls, listen to Big K. Don't ever take off your heels. Because then I looked at pictures later and I looked like I was in my fucking pajamas.

Sage (07:27):

You looked frumpy after the heels were off.

Emily (07:29):

I looked frumpy!  So the sexy romper turns into pajamas when I take the sexy heels off. And then Dorothy shows up.

Big K (07:34):

And you wonder why you're dancing alone?  That’s why.

Emily (07:36):

Well, and then Dorothy shows up. And so this girl, I don't even know how she found the place or how she got invited because she’s like maybe 23, I don't know. And she legit has this little dress on that looks like Dorothy with the pigtails and everything. And it's blue gingham. It's like alittle short. It's supposed to be sexy Dorothy, but it's not sexy. She just looks like an idiot.

Sage (07:56):

She looked like a stupid porn idiot.

Emily (07:57):

And this is in August, so not even close to Halloween. Like, what was she doing? And she's throwing herself at this guy, the guy that I've been flirting with and trying to be like, Hey.  Just all over it. So I instantly am like, hell no, I'm out. Right? I'm not going to compete with that shit. I don't need to compete with that shit. Heels or no heels. I am out. And so the whole bar is like, Emily, fuck that chick. Go get him. Go get him. You're better than her. Go get him. Even the girl's best friend is encouraging me. 

Sage:

Dorothy's best friend? Ooo. 

Emily:

Dorothy's best friend is like, Dorothy is fluff. Forget Dorothy.

Big K (08:28):

Holy moly.  I love it.

Emily (08:29):

I know. So talk about breaking Girl Code.

Big K:

Competition is great. 

Emily:

So I'm all confident and I'm like, oh hey, the whole bar thinks I should ask you for your phone. And he's like, is it for you? And he pulls it out of his pocket and he's all smooth. And I'm like, yes, yes. It's for me. And I put my number in it and we have a really nice conversation and I think I win. I think I win this competition. Dorothy's gone. She's nowhere to be found. I feel great. I'm so excited. He's from Chicago, so I feel like he has good Midwest vibes. Wrong, wrong, fast, forward, wrong. He's just another douche bag. So we're texting or whatever. This is the coffee guy. 

Sage (09:08):

Wait a second, you're missing…

Big K (09:08):

Oh no, I remember him.

Sage (09:09):

She's missing a point. He didn't contact you. 

Emily:

No, he didn't. Not the next day. 

Sage:

So then you and I were debating back and forth.

Emily:

Should I contact him? 

Sage:

Emily's like, yeah, should I text him? 

Big K:

Right.

Sage:

And then you Big K were like, well, you were like, go for it.

Emily (09:26):

And I was like, yeah, go for it. 

Sage:

That's you being assertive, finally.

Emily:

I can own this and this guy's around my age, so we're around the same age or whatever. And so we do the coffee thing and I'm already like, he's blowing me off because I think if a guy, and here this is a good perspective, Big K from you. If a guy asks a girl out for coffee, he's not serious about her. He's trying to get rid of her. Right?

Big K (09:52):

He's meeting you in between appointments.

Emily (09:54):

Yeah. Yeah. It was like a Wednesday at 11.

Big K (09:57):

If he asks you for drinks, he's trying to go back to your house and beat you, beat it up.

Sage (10:02):

But if it's for coffee, it's for what reason? 

Emily:

He's squeezing you in.

Big K (10:06):

He's in between meetings. I got a meeting at 11 and I got a meeting at 2:30, so I'm going to have coffee with this chick until I get to my next meeting.

Emily (10:14):

Ok, but it makes me feel like I'm like this little fly gnating around his face and he's like, oh, get away. 

Sage:

Go away.

Emily:

Go away, coffee. 

Big K (10:20):

Yeah, I don't believe that fully. I don't believe there's a lot of interest if somebody asks you to coffee after you first meet him, if he thinks you’re a hot girl.

Emily (10:27):

Exactly. There's all this.

Big K (10:28):

I would've asked you for a drink, personally.

Emily (10:31):

Yes, exactly. 

Sage:

Agreed. 

Emily:

Yeah. We talked about this in, I can't even remember episode one, maybe? 

Sage:

One.

Emily:

Where it's like ask the girl for wine. And there's memes going around the internet now where they're like, guys, if you don't want to sit and have a whole meal with a chick, just do coffee.

Sage (10:47):

The quick way out. Coffee. 

Emily (10:47):

The quick way out. So I'm already turned off and then he's all like, I'm so busy, blah, blah, blah. Can I just reach out to you when the smoke clears?

Sage:

And he never reaches out.

Emily:

And he never reaches out. So my theory is that he went with Dorothy. 

Sage:

Big K, what do you think?

Big K (11:04):

Yeah, he went with Dorothy because all he would've to do is bang her and then be on his way.

Emily (11:09):

She was a piece of marshmallow fluff.

Big K (11:10):

You were playing the long game, which you seem to do a lot, Emily. You look like you're trying. Don't look for a boyfriend. Look for a friend who may turn into a boyfriend.

Emily (11:21):

If I had kept the heels on, would I have had a different, it would've been wine if I kept the heels on and take the heels off and it's coffee.

Big K (11:29):

He was thinking he was about to take some girl in her pajamas out and that wasn't sexy.

Sage (11:32):

Wait a second here. Wait, wait, wait. We're going backwards here. She was 20 something. So this wasn't just a hookup for him. This would've been her stage five clinger, marry me, love me. Where with Emily it would've been a bang and we're done, and… 

Emily

Maybe multiple bangs.

Big K (11:48):

Does he live here though? Oh, you're saying Chicago guy lives here.

Emily (11:51):

No, he does, but he lives on the Eastside. 

Sage:

Remember, you picked the coffee spot, Big K?  On the Eastside. 

Emily:

Yeah, I asked you guys.

Big K (11:57):

No, I called a friend and made a few plans for you guys. 

Emily (12:02):

Exactly. And I had to plan the whole thing. I had to go out to Eastside, I had to find the coffee shop. I'm like, dude, I'm going for your neighborhood. Westside, Eastside. And this is one of the things that drives me nuts about LA. Okay, so in Boston, we all know you have to import your men from cross state lines. 

Big K:

That's right. 

Emily:

This is the thing.

Sage:

Love it. 

Emily:

You go anywhere because if you're just looking for that one city or that one neighborhood, forget it.

Sage (12:25):

That’s great. They can't run into each other.

Emily (12:26):

But here in LA, and I knew that when the guy asked me where I lived and I said Venice, I was like, oh, it's over. 

Sage:

Right.

Emily:

Because he's on the Eastside. And I was like, I know LA well enough.

Sage (12:34):

Yep.  It’s never going to work.

Emily (12:35):

Even if I go all the way to the Eastside for him, which is like a 30 minute drive, please. 

Sage:

No, it's going to be an hour and 20 with traffic. 

Emily:

I'm not going to go in during traffic though.

Big K:

100%.

Emily:

And then meet him at the coffee shop that I pick out. And yes, thank you Big K, your suggestions were incredible, but I never actually got to go because the guy blew me off.

Big K (12:50):

Oh, that's fine. I'm so sorry about that.  You missed out.

Emily (12:52):

But it's like Eastside versus Westside. It's so stupid. Los Angeles listen to me and just mingle. Just fucking get in your fucking car or an Uber and cross the neighborhood lines.  It’s so stupid.

Sage:

No one has time. We have jobs. You're unemployed right now.  I have like five jobs.  I can’t do that.

Big K (13:09):

That's right. Here's the one thing with the age thing, that all matters. But she could have lived over that way. I mean, we don't know where Dorothy lived. So if she was more convenient, you're so far away. 

Emily:

She was absolutely more convenient.

Big K:

He asked you for coffee, he didn't ask you for wine. So there's other, you can't just say that because there are other things that could be involved here. He lives on the Westside. You on the Westside, he's over there on the Eastside. You know what I mean? So demographics could have had something to do with it. Her being closer, he might not end up with her either because he was just looking for somebody convenient. That's another thing that older guys do.

Emily (13:40):

He was very aloof.

Big K:

Older guys are looking for convenience. 

Emily:

He was like 38 or 39 or something. And yeah, I just got the vibe that he was like, oh, this chick's going to be easy and she's young.

Big K (13:51):

Yeah, yeah.

Emily (13:52):

And she’s fun and she's all over me. And I was a little bit more classy and he probably thought I would be more work.

Big K (13:58):

Like a third grade teacher.

Emily (13:59):

This wasn't a cougar situation because the guy was around my age. 

Sage:

I would have had it, it would've been a cougar. 

Emily:

Because I can be a cougar, as you know.

Big K (14:08):

I can tell you the difference between you and Sage, that she would have made that happen.

Sage (14:10):

Town whore phase - cougar.

Emily (14:13):

Sage?

Big K (14:13):

That night. Sage probably would've made that happen that night.

Emily (14:16):

Maybe, she wasn't there.

Big K (14:17):

On the other hand, being so tentative. You got to be a little, I told you this before. 

Emily:

I know.

Big K:

You need to up, you need to aggressive up your game because I think it's third grade teacher-ish and you lose out on probably some good ding dong.

Emily (14:30):

Okay.

Sage:

Hallelujah. 

Emily

Alright, well we are going to a party this weekend, so maybe I'll do a little practice.

Big K (14:37):

I cannot wait for the content.

Sage (14:39):

Yes. Hopefully it won't be another micro penis situation. 

Big K:

Oooo, oh god.

Emily:

That's a one in a lifetime opportunity.

Big K (14:45):

That is still one of the greatest stories in the history of history. You just went down on a pinky dude, and oh my god, I'm so fired up about the story. It's unbelievable.

Emily (14:59):

I didn't go down on him. He went down on me. That's what makes it so great for me.

Big K (15:03):

Well, I'm saying that his finger was rubbing against your leg, right or something, right? I mean, 

Emily:

Oh, I don’t know. 

Big K:

When you rubbed over his, what is it like when you rub over a pant? I'm so, I’m so, I need to know more. 

Emily:

It was a blur.  It was a blur.

Sage (15:14):

Big K, will you encourage her that we need him as part of our science project here? We cannot end this.

Emily:

She wants me to find him. 

Sage:

I will find him for you.

Big K (15:22):

Did I not tell you? That you finding pinky penis man is unbelievable. It's like won't you just go swim in the ocean and during Great White Week and get bit by a shark.  The same chances.  The same chances!  

Sage:

It's so good. 

Big K:

Or getting hit by a lightning strike or your airplane going down on a trip. What are we talking about? This is amazing.

Emily (15:45):

I’d rather hook up with a micro penis than get eaten by a great white shark. But okay.

Big K (15:50):

That's what I'm saying. The chances are you've already defied the odds by already hooking up with him, kissing him, touching that little nub with hair on it. This is shit you can't just make up, this needs to be looked into further so you can get an eye-to-eye contact and tell me does he, well he doesn't put it in you, we know that. 

Emily:

No, he can’t.

Big K:

So does he rub, rub it on your stomach? What does he do? Can he bust a nut?

Emily (16:15):

Oh, Big K, you’re so upset we didn’t call you for this episode.

Big K:

Can he cum?

Sage:

He can cum.

Big K (16:18):

Oh God, wait a minute, can he, when you have a thing like that, does he have balls?

Emily:

Yes.

Big K:

You said he had big balls, right?

Sage (16:24):

No, they were little balls. 

Emily:

Little balls. 

Sage:

They were as big as her dog's balls and she has a little Shih Tzu.

Big K (16:30):

He’s got dog balls and a nub? Oh my god.

Sage:

Shih Tzu. Shih Tzu balls!

Big K:

Can he explode on that thing? Does he bust a nut?  I mean what's going on here? I need more. 

Emily (16:40):

We did research.

Sage:

He can bust a nut and we said it would be like licking soft serve ice cream and it would be like a half of a teaspoon.

Emily:

It would be like a lick.

Big K (16:50):

I bet you they would tell him to pee more if he's, he wouldn't make no one pregnant. There's nothing coming out of that thing. Are you crazy? You need momentum.

Emily (16:57):

Exactly! We talked about how there are a lot of benefits.  

Sage:

That's a pro, that’s a pro.

Emily:

There are a lot of pros to this man. Okay, so now you guys are convincing me that we do need to resume the investigation…

Big K:

Oh you have to.

Emily:

…over who and where this guy is. Okay, so this might be a cougar situation. Because this guy is 32 and I'm 44.

Big K (17:14):

Oh, you have to do it.

Emily (17:15):

Is that a cougar?  I don’t know.

Big K (17:16):

That right there, you just need to call him and do him and then tell us.

Sage (17:21):

Please, we're dying.

Big K (17:23):

Please.

Sage (17:24):

Yes.

Big K (17:24):

I'm dying. I'm over here because I just want to know, he's not going to stick it in you, 

Emily:

No, he can’t.

Big K:

But if you go down the second, what's that all about?

Sage (17:30):

Big K, how did you know right away when we called you the next morning that it was a micro penis? How did you, we didn't even know that's what it was called.

Big K (17:38):

Because I have heard of that before. But once you start saying it was a little intsy, finger nail, I was like, what?

Emily (17:43):

It was a knuckle. It was hard like a knuckle.

Big K (17:45):

It was a knuckle. I was like, because you were ready to have it served up inside you and you couldn't even do it which is unbelievable.

Emily (17:53):

No, I know.

Big K (17:54):

By the way, the guy has as much chance of having sex with you as me. It's that unbelievable. 

Emily:

True. 

Big K:

Me and him on the same paradigm.

Emily (18:05):

Well, except for the things that, anyway, anyway, Big K, focus. We're talking about cougars. 

Sage:

Okay, let’s go….

Big K (18:11):

Oh yeah, sorry. The micro penis is just so amazing.

Emily (18:14):

I know.

Sage:

It is.  I love that. 

Emily:

No, I had the cougar situation, the story that you love with my 23-year-old. That's the youngest I've ever been. 

Big K:

I love that one.

Emily:

I didn't even go. I didn't even go on the 23, on the 23-year-old. Remember that one?

Big K:

Yeah.  That’s right because you…

Emily:

You love this one!  Sage is giving me this look. 

Big K:

I love this.

Emily:

You know this one. This is the guy that I met at Bungalow who looked just like Cillian Murphy.

Sage (18:34):

Oh yeah, I love him. 

Emily (18:35):

He's the one that said I look, I’m a woman of substance because I'm like, go away. You're bothering me, you know, little boy. 

Sage:

I don't want to deal with this. 

Emily:

Go away. 23 is way too young. And I'm like, look at these chicks. I'm like, oh, look at the cute 20 somethings. They were dressed way better than Dorothy, but we did kind of judge their outfits a little bit. So we were bonding. And there was another guy there, and it was actually kind of fun that we were making fun of these 20 something girls.  But he was not interested in them at all. And he was interested in me and…

Big K (19:05):

Because that's what we want to do. When we're 25, we want to bone a cougar. 

Emily (19:09):

Apparently, yeah, that's what he wanted. 

Big K:

100 percent.

Emily:

But here's the thing. So he lives in Malibu. He is like a student at Pepperdine. And so he's like, come over. 

Big K:

Oh my goodness.

Emily:

Whatever, whatever. Come over, come over, come over. So I go all the way up to fucking Malibu. It's like 3:00 AM on a Friday. 

Sage:

Pepperdine students are the best.

Big K (19:23):

That is a booty call, for sure.

Emily (19:24):

I wouldn’t know.  No, I wouldn't know, you know why?  Because I show up, he meets me outside and then he goes, so, uh, you can't come inside because my parents are home and they don't like it when I do this.

Sage (19:37):

Oh my God, I can't believe you fell for that shit and drove all the way to Malibu.

Emily:

Malibu! 

Sage:

Girl. And you had been drinking.

Big K (19:43):

A 3:00 AM drive up is a booty call.  So that is one.

Emily (19:45):

Yes. No, and I knew that.  And I was kind of like, fuck it, whatever. I've never had that age gap, but here we go.

Sage (19:53):

Here is the best part of the story.

Emily (19:54):

Didn't happen.

Sage (19:55):

He goes in to kiss her and she shoves his ass off of her, which is so unlike of Emily. I would do that.

Emily:

Oh I was so pissed.

Big K:

Oh my god.

Emily (20:03):

I was so pissed. You couldn't have told me before I drove that your parents were home? And your parents are actually awake? Oh, I went off on him. Your parents are actually awake at 3:00 AM and you're going to sneak in a cougar.  I was like, are you serious right now? And then, yeah, he still tries to make out with me in the parking lot and I push him off me and I'm like, fuck off. And then yeah, he calls me the next day and he's like, Hey Venice, what are you doing? 

Sage:

Did you answer? 

Emily:

No, no. I never answered. I went home to Boston. I was gone. I wasn't even here. I was like, go away. I forgot about him and whatever. But you love this guy because he complimented me. 

Big K (20:36):

You want to hear one thing?

Emily:

And he chose me over the other 20 somethings. But the rest of him sucked. 

Big K:

Because he wanted to do a cougar. It's not about him choosing. They were the same age as him. And we all know 20 year olds are clowns. So he wanted to get a cougar who he knew he could just hit it and quit it. Now that being said, he still told his friends he boned you. I'm going to let you know that right now. 100%.

Emily (20:55):

Oh, what a dick. 

Sage:

So he made up shit?

Big K (20:58):

Oh yeah. He definitely told his friends, you came over at three o'clock, dude, she didn't care that my parents were home and that he boned it and he told his friends he boned you.  

Emily:

Oh, so he’s all cool.

Big K:

One hundred percent.

Emily (21:05):

Mr. cool guy.

Big K (21:07):

One hundred percent. Not that you pushed him away. You are a 40 something year old that he smashed and came over at 3:00 AM. He's like, dude, I pulled this hotty 40 year old.

Emily (21:16):

Sage we should go back to Bungalow and see if we can find that kid. He looks just like Cillian Murphy so we could find him in an instant.

Sage:

Last time I was there, I got…

Big K (21:22):

Well, he already lied to his friends you did it. He'll run from you because he already told his friends he did you. 

Emily (21:27):

He probably wouldn't even recognize me at this point. 

Sage:

Who knows? 

Emily:

Who knows? 

Sage:

I dunno if Bungalow will let me back in.

Big K (21:33):

I love that you went over that three o'clock in morning and you argued with him saying, you didn't tell me your parents were here.

Sage (21:42):

That’s fucking awesome.

Big K (21:44):

That's amazing.

Emily:

Thank you, Big K.

Big K:

That’s amazing.

Emily:

Thank you. Thank you.

Big K:

I love it.

Sage (21:46):

So about a month ago, randomly, a former colleague of mine after five years hits me up, calls my cell and I answer. And his name and number was saved because again, we were colleagues and I'm like, Hey, how are you? What's going on? How random. And he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you. It's for a different Sage. 

Emily:

Bullshit, bullshit.

Sage:

And I'm like, Sage isn’t a very popular name, but okay, dude.

Big K (22:17):

That's right. You just have to be, Hey, you're the same right next to each other in the phone for sure. Sage one and Sage two.

Sage (22:25):

That's rare. So anyways, he's like, what's going on? How's work? Just like small talk, catching up. He's out of state at the time and he says, well, I'll be back in a couple weeks. Would you like to have dinner with me? And I said, sure, why not?

Emily (22:42):

Yeah, Yeah.  Catch up with an old colleague.  It started out very rated G.

Big K (22:44):

You don't even know who this human being is.

Sage (22:46):

What? 

Emily:

No, she knows who he is.

Big K (22:48):

Do you know this human?

Sage (22:49):

Yes. I've worked with him before. 

Emily:

She couldn't remember what he looked like though. 

Big K:

Oh.

Sage:

Right.

Big K (22:53):

Oh, okay.

Sage (22:54):

Because it's been five years. We worked on a big project in Beverly Hills for a movie star and they wanted cason and pylons to put a guest house up against a mud sliding mountain. Yeah, it was ridiculous. Anyways, we were like, bitch, you just need to move and get a different house with a guest house.

Emily:

Yeah, not, no mudslides. No. 

Sage:

So he takes me out for sushi and buys me a coffee before we have our dinner.  You know, very gentleman-like and polite, which I really respect.

Big K (23:30):

He's obviously older.

Sage (23:31):

Yes.

Emily (23:35):

Yes. This is not a cougar situation. 

Sage (23:36):

No, this is like, probably….

Emily (23:36):

That's my area. 

Sage:

Yes. 

Emily:

Sage goes for the old men. 

Sage:

It's probably mid fifties. 

Emily:

No, no, you told me 61.

Sage (23:42):

Did I? 

Emily

Yeah. 

Sage:

Okay, we'll go with that then. 

Big K:

Wow. Wow. 

Sage:

But he doesn't look it. He doesn’t look it.

Emily:

Okay. 

Sage:

Grandpa G looks like Grandpa G.

Emily

Yeah. 

Sage:

Yeah. This guy… 

Emily:

Former colleague is still smoking.

Sage:

A little bit. Yeah. 

Emily:

Okay.

Sage:

But I'm not attracted to him. Okay. Anyway, so yeah, during our conversation he's like, what are you up to? And I bring up about our podcast and the content and what the message is, and it just grinds his fucking gears where he is like…

Emily:

The middle schooler comes out in him.  

Sage:

Totally.  Yeah.

Emily:

The little boy is all of a sudden, like, ooooo.

Sage:

Tell me more. Yeah, so he says…

Big K:

Oh, he's fired up.

Emily:

Yes. 

Sage:

Oh, and he gets even more fired up over the weekend. Okay. So he says to me, have you ever heard of the podcast “How to Cum”? And I was like, no. I mean, I've done a lot of research, but not that one have I ever crossed.

Big K:

Okay.

Sage:

So over the weekend I'm listening to “How to Cum” out of curiosity and he starts texting me, I'm listening to How to Cum, are you? And I'm like, actually I am. What a coincidence. 

Big K:

Okay.

Sage:

And then he gets super fired up for the entire weekend. Come to my hotel. Do you want to come lay out by the pool with me? Come by for a nightcap. I'm only going to ask three times, after that it's up to you.  So the guy is like…

Emily (24:53):

Which, by the way, we almost went and I mean we as in, I almost went with her because his hotel was Hotel Figueroa in DTLA, which is really nice.

Sage (25:00):

It’s so fancy.

Big K:

Oh yeah, fantastic.

Emily (25:01):

That's one of my favorite hotels. So we were considering going to the pool. 

Sage:

He would've paid for everything.

Emily:

Yes!  It would've been a great pool day. And the weather was great, but we had something, I can't remember why we didn't go. 

Sage:

I know, but…

Emily:

But he was also giving you creepy vibes and he has a girlfriend and it was a little like, oh, it started to turn.

Sage (25:14):

It did. So he's sexting me all fucking weekend just because he's all fired up on How to Cum. 

Big K:

Right.

Sage:

And he's like, there's some things that I know I could do better, but I'm still really great at this and that and the other thing. And I was like,

Emily:

This is a colleague. 

Sage:

I'm like, dude, what the fuck are you talking about? We don't have this type of relationship. I haven't talked to you in five years.

Emily:

Unprofessional to say the least. 

Sage:

So, so… go ahead Big K.

Big K (25:39):

I'm trying to say… so he's fully on after listening to How to Make You Cum, he wants to do that to you.

Emily:

Yes.

Sage (25:45):

Exactly, yes

Emily:

We got that. We’re not that bad. 

Big K:

I'm here. Yeah yeah. Ok.

Sage:

And so it brings me to the topic of stalking.

Emily (25:56):

Yes.

Sage (25:56):

What stalking was before and what stalking is today. 

Emily:

This guy a hundred percent stalked you.

Sage:

All weekend. 

Emily:

Yes. 

Sage:

Begging me to come over.

Emily:

Yes. 

Sage:

And…

Emily:

Yes.

Big K (26:05):

That is stalking. And I do believe in that right there. He, well, you gotta remember he was only here for a minute.

Sage:

True.

Big K:

So he put full court press on you.

Emily:

He looked her up. 

Big K:

So he was like,

Emily (26:15):

And then he quote unquote accidentally called her. Yeah right. The whole thing was planned for weeks.

Big K (26:19):

He accidentally called you and then he was full court pressing because somehow once you got him into the talk about the podcast, it was on. Like, oh, she's down.

Emily (26:28):

Yes.  She gave him the little signal accidentally.

Big K (26:29):

Yes. You gave him a hint.

Sage (26:32):

Yeah. But because I talk about our podcast and what the content is doesn't mean I am a fucking whore and my vagina's ready for anyone to put their dick in. 

Emily (26:40):

Yeah, for Sage, it was like an update. This is what I'm up to. And he read it as this girl's ready to bang. 

Sage:

Right. 

Emily:

Like, let's go. 

Big K:

That's right, tomato, tom-ah-to. 

Emily:

And he’s sexting her. Then his poor girlfriend was already freaking out that he didn't make it Facebook official if that's even a thing anymore. 

Sage (26:53):

I don’t know.

Emily (26:53):

But she was all jealous and crazy and it had only been four months. And this guy was like, come to my hotel and let's do it. And he was like all over you for days. 

Big K:

Yeah. 

Sage:

Yeah.

Emily:

Days.

Big K (27:03):

Yeah. Probably his girlfriend does not know how to make him cum. And he figured that you probably do.

Emily (27:08):

I guess not.  That's why he looked up the podcast about it. He should send it to her though. Not to Sage. 

Sage:

Actually I should…

Big K (27:13):

No, I know that. Yeah. He should have taken that back home.

Emily (27:16):

Yeah, you should have redirected that back to the Facebook girl.  Yeah.

Sage (27:20):

No but I did mention in the text, I was like, don't you have a girlfriend? We just had dinner and you admitted to me that you're seeing somebody. 

Emily:

Right. 

Big K:

Right.

Sage:

And then he responds, well, I'm just keeping all my options open. 

Emily:

Gross.

Sage:

Whatever. Womp, womp.  Yeah.

Emily (27:35):

See ladies, the men never grow up.  Sixties.  Never grow up.  No offense, Big K. 

Big K (27:38):

But Sage does give off vibes though. 

Sage:

What?

Big K:

I'm just saying, Sage does give off vibes.

Emily (27:41):

Oh, yeah. No third grade teacher.  It's like vixen vibes.

Big K:

Yeah.

Emily:

Vixen vibes.

Big K (27:45):

Yeah, yeah. You give off vixen vibes, you like, yeah, I'm down.

Emily:

Ooooo, sexy siren.

Sage (27:50):

Big K, what kind of vibes do I give out?

Big K (27:54):

Sage, you give off, you give off, I'm down for, let's do whatever.  You're down to get it done. And then you got Emily over there who looks like she'll help you with your math work.

Emily (28:06):

I’m not that bad. I am not that bad. Who gets a micro penis?  Just saying.  

Sage:

Right?

Emily:

Who on this call got the micro? Just saying.

Sage:

Absolutely.

Big K (28:15):

That's right. You did. 

Emily:

You're welcome.

Big K:

I don't even know if you should be bragging about that. I don't even know if that's brag worthy. You might as well have got with another lady because the same thing would have happened. I know a couple of them. I have friends who could probably do to you what that guy did to you and you guys would end up, no one's going to get laid. You know, same thing.

Emily (28:34):

Well, okay, so Big K. Now what we're going to have to do is we're going to have to do some stalking to find this guy. And you and I got in a huge debate over this because I stalked the bartender from the birthday party and learned that he actually wasn't a bartender, he was a producer.

Sage (28:47):

Whatever.

Emily (28:48):

And he owned his own company. 

Big K:

Yes. I remember that.

Emily:

Well, he told me that. He told me that at the birthday party. He was like, oh, I'm just helping my friend. He owns the company, the catering company. I'm just here to help out. And so it's not like I have a thing for bartenders. And I was like, Ooh, you own your own production company with your brother. Sexy. And so I thoroughly stalked him because I wanted to make sure that he wasn't full of shit. That I was like, is this guy serious right now? Does he live on the Eastside? Is this actually his name? Blah, blah, blah. And I found out a lot of things about him and I checked. I was like, okay, check, check, check. He is who he says he is. And you freaked out on me because you thought I was being a creeper.  Like creepy creeper.  

Big K (29:24):

I thought you were full on about to become a stage five clinger in the situation because you just met the dude. He wasn't your man. You hadn't gone out with him. You hadn't done one thing other than exchange numbers and you're on Google search for this guy. And I thought that was the worst thing in the world when you had no idea if you would've went out to dinner with him. And he freaking told you what I really do. But I said that at the time. But you didn't even give a dude a chance. You got a guy's number, got his name, and Google searched the hell out of him. So that is terrible.

Emily (29:55):

It's common. It's very common. And this is what we argue about is like, 

Big K:

No!

Emily:

Yeah, everybody stalks. This is modern day stalking. It's so easy on the internet.

Big K (30:02):

I know, but you just got his name. You didn't even, what did you even talk to him other than that?

Emily (30:06):

I had his phone number, I had his name, and that's all you need these days. The internet has all the information and everybody does this.  And honestly what Sage and I were arguing was that for the girls, well, for the guys, for everybody, it's a safety issue because if you're going to meet somebody, you gotta make sure that they're not like, you know, a serial killer.

Sage (30:27):

Fucking nuts psycho.

Emily:

Or on the register of sex things.

Sage (30:28):

Or on like murder trials like Grandpa G. 

Emily:

Yeah, exactly. You gotta do a little research before you even meet with a person, I think.

Big K (30:33):

No, first of all, I don't think you need to stage five clinger search for somebody until you actually have a day to meet him. You never met the human being. You didn't need to go to that…

Emily:

I did meet him. At the birthday party.

Sage (30:45):

But you didn't go out.

Emily:

We didn’t go out.

Big K (30:47):

Afterwards, you got his number at the birthday party afterwards. You searched him up afterwards.

Emily (30:51):

Yes, correct. Like big time.

Big K (30:53):

Yes. I'm saying you don't need to do any of that until you have a formal, okay, we're meeting for a dinner tomorrow. I should probably, lemme see if this dude's a murderer. Go from there. 

Emily:

I know, but it's so fun. It's so fun to stalk people online. 

Big K:

You went home and you went home and you were like, oh, I want to see this guy's going to be my baby daddy. Like what? What we doing? That's crazy.

Emily (31:09):

I stand by that everybody stalks.  It's fun, to an extent. It's safe. And that men do it too, as is evidenced by Sage's former colleague. And that is my closing argument.

Sage (31:22):

Big K, I'll have to argue this with you because you’re married and you've been married for many, many years. 

Emily (31:28):

Moons.  Many moons.

Big K:

Okay.  Many moons.

Sage (31:28):

And you don't understand what it's like to be single.

Big K:

I do.

Sage (31:35):

And make sure you know who the person is on the back end.

Emily:

And how fun it is.

Big K (31:37):

I'm saying for all the people that I know. No, yes. It's more fun for you guys to do, but I'm saying for you ladies and for the dudes that do that, which is weird, and the stalking that you did, Emily and the stalking that that crazy dude did on her is way different because he was going to be in town for a few minutes and he was bouncing, so he was trying to get laid. That's a different kind of stalking.

Sage (31:58):

Yes.

Big K (31:59):

You don't know what would happen with this guy, but you just met him, got his number, got his name, and you went on the internet and looked before you set up a date or anything. So why would you need to know that information if you never, 

Emily:

I think it’s the same thing.

Big K:

You know what I'm saying? What I'm saying? I'm just saying.

Emily (32:13):

I see what you’re saying. But I think stalking is stalking and everybody does it.

Sage (32:16):

She needs to stalk it first because in case she finds that he's a criminal, then she's not even going to go on the fucking date with him. 

Emily:

Yeah. 

Sage:

So she has to start.

Big K (32:24):

I didn't think she was going to do the same thing once they've made something up. There's no reason to go home and stalk somebody for every dude you meet, you go home and put 'em up in Google. That's crazy.  That’s all I’m saying.

Emily (32:35):

Well now we have a dude that we all need to Google because we are intent on finding…

Big K (32:41):

Oh no, we need to find pinky dick. No question.

Emily (32:43):

Mid-City Micro.

Sage:

Yes. 

Emily:

Yes.

Sage (32:45):

I am determined.

Emily (32:47):

I will hopefully live to tell you about it in a future episode.

Big K (32:52):

I just want you to be able to say you, and that should be all 30 minutes to be your whole night with Pinky Dick. I mean, it should be full of craziness. I rubbed it on my butt hole just to see, just everything,  Like do shit you would never do with somebody that had an eight a half inch penis. That's all I'm saying. Because you can't.

Emily (33:13):

Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. 

Sage:

Alright Big K.

Emily:

I'll keep it in mind. 

Sage:

We're going to go for the evening. Thank you for your opinion. 

Emily:

We love you.

Big K (33:23):

Until next time ladies.

Emily (33:24):

‘til next time. 

Sage:

Cheers. 

Emily:

Bye bye. 

Sage:

Bye Big K.

Big K:

Alright, cheers. 

Sage:

That was Big K. As I mentioned in episode two, he is a dear friend of mine. I met him five years ago in Agoura, California. And so it seems being middle aged is a plus.

Emily (33:41):

Hell yeah. Single, middle aged.

Sage (33:42):

Because we have a full range of prospects.

Emily (33:46):

You can swing both ways.

Sage (33:47):

That's right. Including all ages.

Emily (33:49):

Yeah.

Sage (33:50):

The younger guys love us because they want to hook up with a hot fucking cougar.

Emily (33:54):

Courtney Cox style!

Sage (33:55):

And we're still hot.

Emily (33:56):

Yeah.

Sage (33:56):

So we went over the 20 year olds and the old dudes want us for companionship and no fuss regarding marriage and the lack of us being needy. 

Emily:

Well, they want you.  Yeah.

Sage:

But yes. And we're not needy. We're super independent. 

Emily:

Oh my God. No, no.  Yeah, no stage five clingers here, Big K.

Sage:

That's right. And everyone stalks. 

Emily:

Yes. 

Sage:

It's fun to feel like you're a criminal investigator. 

Emily:

Yes. 

Sage:

And we also learned today aggressive sexting is a form of stalking too.

Emily (34:26):

Correct.

Sage (34:27):

So be aware of that. If it happens to you, don't respond to it and shun it away because they want you for one fucking thing. So unless you are just ready for that hookup, go for it. Otherwise, there's nothing more to it.

Emily (34:40):

And hopefully your older former colleague went back to his Facebook official girlfriend in the Midwest and called it a day.

Sage (34:45):

Maybe he'll text me sometime in the future.

Emily:

He probably will. 

Sage:

Probably. 

Emily:

Rolodex. 

Sage:

Anyways, till next time, fans, Watch Me Do It peeps. We love you. Have a good one. 

Emily:

Bye. 

Sage:

Bye.