Broke, But Living Large

A man is not a plan!  The girls discuss how critical it is to be modern women who are financially independent - even if it means taking on dirty work or piling up the side hustles. In today's world, women are stacked with high pressure obligations: the perfect career, earning an attractive salary, marriage, kids, keeping the house tidy, cooking, laundry etc.  But the girls wonder if all of this actually brings true happiness and fulfillment?

Transcript

Emily (00:00):

Hello, Los Angeles. It's Emily and Sage back again reporting from the Westside. And today we're actually going to dive into something that's a little bit more serious, but definitely top of mind for both of us in that the two of us are going through what we might call a broke phase where we just don't have the cashflow that we might've once had in past jobs and careers and lives, especially when we were married, and what all. And it's just one of these kind of travesties in a way, but not really. I think the way we'd like to address these kind of financial issues is that it's not the end of the world and it's not the be all end all. Even though society would like to tell us that the modern woman should have it all and that they have to have it all, and that you do not have a purpose if you don't have it all.

(00:56):

And “it all” used to be the husband, the house, the kids. And I know a lot of people that are still striving for that, and I wish them the best of luck. Like they're getting married and they really want to own a house and they're trying to do that path. But then now for women, it doesn't stop there. You have to also have a huge salary. I'm talking not even six figures anymore. It has to be 200,000 or 300,000. And you have to have the big career with the big title that everybody's proud of. You're a VP or you're an executive. And so now it's not good enough to just have the husband and the kids, or God forbid in my case, where you don't have either. And now it's like you also have to have this high powered career where you have to be running the board rooms in your business suit and you have to be running these meetings and you have to have 12 direct reports. And then you go home and you have to clean up after your husband and you have to run the household and you have to run the family. And you're all on your own trying to do this. But if you're wealthy enough, then maybe you can afford some help and things like that. But one thing that I have recognized that Sage and I were just talking about is that, that is not fulfillment.

Sage (02:04):

Not at all to me. No, I don't miss,

Emily (02:06):

That's not even happiness.

Sage (02:07):

No, I don't miss that life at all. Zero.

Emily (02:10):

And you had that.

Sage (02:11):

I felt so alone too as I was married. Don't forget the PTA meetings and the karate and then the dance lessons and then the soccer and then, you know, your kid's doing this, but my kid's doing that. Everyone's competing and it's bullshit. It's like I'd rather just go home with my kids and seriously be present with them and have a lovely dinner than running them ragged all over the city for their extracurricular activities.

Sage (02:41): I mean, homework's just enough as it is. And then with my ex traveling all the time, this is all on me and I'm working and I don't have help.

Emily (02:51):

Yeah, exactly.

Sage:

I had to just push through. It was lonely, it wasn't fun. It was just a stressful fucking day-to-day scenario that I just had to power through.

Emily (03:04):

And you didn't even have your own bank account, right? 

Sage (3:07):

No. It was a shared bank account. 

Emily (3:08):

It was all his, it was like him. But you were contributing to it because you had your own career and you had a really good job, but you didn't have your own stuff in your own name.

Sage (03:18):

No, I wouldn't say that. We did own properties that were under an LLC, and yes, I was on those. 

Emily (03:26):

Your name was on it.

Sage (03:27):

On the titles.

Emily (03:28):

But in terms of your own credit card, your own bank account,

Sage (03:32):

Nope. It was shared.

Emily (03:33):

Yeah, everything was shared. 

Sage (03:36):

Exactly. And that's the way women lose themselves along the way by not having the separate financial security that I feel like they don't really consider because they feel safe in their little marriage and they're always going to be taken care of. And listen, ladies, as soon as that man or husband of yours thinks that you're not hot anymore, he's fucking out the door and he's fucking someone else. And you're not going to have any money and he's going to divorce you, and you'll be lucky, depending on how long you've been married to him for, if you get alimony. You'll be lucky that you get child support depending on how much you make at your job and what he makes at his job. So really at the end of the day, the best way to secure yourself is to financially be independent of any man.

Emily:

Yeah.

Sage (04:26):

A man is not a plan.

Emily (04:27):

No, and you had an instinct too. You knew - this is the thing is women's instincts are so spot on. If we were smart enough to listen to our guts all the time, we would really rule the world, but our guts are so strong and yours was like, something's off. I need to start taking care of myself. And you went and you opened up an account.

Sage (04:46):

Exactly. I was working for a model actress in the Palisades and working my ass off like 14 to 16 hours a day, whether she had a photo shoot in Guatemala or the Caribbean and or she's pulling up in New York, finding her driver. Are you there on site to get her.  Waking up at four in the morning because of the time difference, what have you. It was insane. But I was making excellent money and I knew something was off with my marriage, and that's when I took the reins and I was like, all of my paychecks are now going into my bank account.

Emily (05:28):

Yes.

Sage (05:28):

It's no longer shared.

Emily (05:29):

It's your money. You're hustling for it.

Sage (05:31):

And thank God I did that because then when he divorced me, I had some money saved. 

Emily (05:35):

You had something.

Sage (05:37):

And I could carry on alone with my children while I had to go through the court system to get that child aupport and alimony.

Emily (05:43):

Exactly, exactly. Yeah. And so mine, I got married a little later in life. I think I was what, 34? And so I had already had my own bank account, my own, and we never mixed it. He and I had very different perspectives on financial management and financial health and spending and how to spend and what to spend. And that was probably one of the reasons why we did not belong together. But so for me, it was a little bit more clean cut. I already had all my stuff, and actually he was the one that was unemployed and lazy, and my career was taking off and I was doing that corporate ladder and working up. I'm working up, I'm working up in a higher salary and a more salary, and I was looking at, okay, how much was my net worth and how much I was so gunning for this thing.  I was so obsessed with it that I actually got to kick him off my health insurance and take the car and kick him off my condo and really be like, I'm cutting you off. But I do recognize that that's like very unusual, and I think it’s because my father raised me that way. So he's now the primary man in my life, and he taught me how to balance a checkbook when I was like in fifth grade. I had my first credit card when I was like 11. He literally was, I was supposed to be this big career woman, this big financial success and everything. And I was.  As you know, I made it all the way to the top where I was a CEO of a global company. And it was not even that long ago. I was the CEO When you and I first met.

Sage (07:13):

Yes, you were.

Emily (07:14):

Yes.

Sage (07:14):

And you were stressed out all the time on your laptop, didn't have, even though you're remote, but you were so committed. Failure is not an option for you.

Emily (07:26):

No.

Sage (07:26):

And you're so intelligent and you kick ass.

Emily (07:29):

Well, I mean that's questionable. This is a whole other episode to talk about what happened with this CEO position, and it's actually very, very juicy in terms of what happens in the workplace these days, but…

Sage (07:44):

We'll touch base on that in another episode.

Emily (07:45):

But CEO position was no more. And now I am literally a glorified… I'm trying to figure out a title for it that doesn't sound so… 

Sage:

It's a personal assistant.

Emily:

Personal assistant.

Sage (7:59):

Personal assistant and estate management.

Emily (08:03):

Okay, let's be real. I'm a cleaning lady. 

Sage (08:05)

There you go.

Emily (08:06):

I have three clients right now. I smell like Fabuloso detergent all of the time, even today as we're recording this podcast. But honestly, Sage, I remember when I got my first client, it was so random. So if people remember from a previous episode, I went and I was dog sitting for some lady on Long Beach because I was broke and I was just picking up small jobs. And then she just needed so much help. And I could see in her that I was like, she has three dogs. She has three kids. Her house was a complete mess. She's a single mom. 

Sage (08:40):

And she has a health condition. 

Emily (08:41):

She has a health condition. She's very ill. And she's getting treatments for it. Her ex is an asshole. 

Sage:

They all are.

Emily:

Huge asshole. So she and I talk about the ex too when I'm there, and I just looked at her house and I was just like, you know, I can help you. I can do more than just watch your dogs. Let me help you.

Sage (09:00):

Well, right. And now she wants to be friends with you.

Emily (09:02):

Well, yeah. Now we're sort of friends, new friends, very new friends. Well, now I have three clients.  Now it's like people are like, wait, come to my house, clean up my shit, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And honestly, when I was scrubbing, I'm sitting there scrubbing somebody's floor and I'm thinking to myself, I was a CEO six months ago. What the fuck happened in my life?

Sage (09:22)

You’re picking up…

Emily (09:24)

But I was just like, I'm so much happier. Nobody bothers me. I put my music on. My earbuds are in, music's on. I create my own schedule. I get cash in hand. And the people are so grateful.

Sage:

And happy…. 

Emily:

It's unbelievable. 

Sage:

…to see you. 

Emily:

They love me and they value me and they appreciate me like I never had in an office job ever. And they are grinning from ear to ear, and they honestly are more afraid of me judging them than I am of them judging me. Because at first I thought that they were going to be like, what the fuck is this chick rolling up in a BMW and clearly educated, and I'm not your average cleaning lady. And they didn't. Instead they were embarrassed. They were like, oh, because I see their shit show.

(10:11):

I see that they're hanging on by a thread and I see their flasks in the sock drawer, and I see what a mess they are. And I think they're just so grateful that I'm like, I'm not judging you and I'm just trying to help you. And I get a lot of meaning out of that.

Sage (10:26):

I'm so proud of you, Emily, for actually taking a chance on yourself because I know that you're really motivated starting two different businesses, and that's an investment to you, not to a company. 

Emily (10:40)

True. 

Sage (10:40)

And as a CEO, you would never have the bandwidth to maintain and balance both your dreams and working for a company that you're improving.

Emily (10:53):

It was never a thought. There was no room in my head or my life to think about me or my dreams or my own companies. Because it was all about them and their company and their bottom line and their work and everybody else. And I was taking a bet on them and investing all of this in them. And now, yeah, I'm investing in myself and I'm taking a bet on myself. And if it means cleaning people's floors and making them smile and helping out somebody else, because these are everyday people. My clients are very different from your clients. You have a similar hustle, but it's a little bit more luxurious than mine.

Sage (11:25):

Well, I work for billionaire millionaires, but I've been doing it for 23 years, so I have all those connections. Obviously you're new here, but what I also really admire about you is you are embracing that California easy going lifestyle where you can start these two businesses and they will be successful here because you're in the right place.

Emily (11:45):

That is true. 

Sage (11:46)

To make it happen. 

Emily (11:47)

That was one of my first impressions about people out here. People are so entrepreneurial, they’re self starters, they're creative, and they're dreamers. It's very, this whole City of Angels thing I know is really cheesy, but it kind of makes sense when you come from the outside that it is this city of dreams. Everybody's kind of chasing a dream. And I didn't even know that I was, I didn't know. I was just doing my, oh, look at this. I'm this badass, CEO. I managed to nail this gig, and I had my mic drop moment of all the assholes that I used to work with where I'm like, I made it to the top. And then once I got there, I was like, the top is pretty shitty. This is pretty bad. I don't like the top. 

Sage (12:25):

For you to come here and create a new path and a new endeavor is so, it's just so promising. And I highly look up to you for it because it's not easy having that old regimen ways of CEO and kind of letting that go because you're aspiring for something for you.  And what's going to give back to your dreams, you financially, and it all makes sense. And it's a great time to do it because you're on new stomping grounds.

Emily (12:52):

Yeah. Yeah. Well, same to you though. You're hustling every day and you're working with this with me on this, and you're going back to school and trying to make a different career altogether. And that is not about the money at all. Attorneys obviously make a good amount of money, but it's not for you. That's not what it is. It's a passion, and it's been an interest for so long that you've never been able to pursue because everything always came first, the husband, the kids, and the everything. And so you never were able to actually realize that dream.

Sage (13:25):

Agreed. I think that part of my motivation is that after 23 years of excessive hustling, like I don't stop. You see me, I wake up at 6:30 and I don't even get home till 9:00.

Emily (13:37):

I know.

Sage (13:38):

And I'm tired of it.

Emily (13:41):

It's a long day.

Sage (13:42):

I want something that I'm more passionate about, that is my dream, similar to what you're doing. And that I feel just better about what I'm giving back of myself to others.

Emily (13:54):

We need a midlife mini retirement. Is that a thing?

Sage (13:57):

I would love…

Emily (13:59):

I think this is, our generation needs to now start pioneering that you take a little break at the midlife because for 20 fucking years, more than 23, 25, whatever it is, years we've been grinding, grinding. I did not stop until I got to being CEO. And even when my marriage was going up and down and these date-scapades that we're having, crazy men stories… it's like the career was always number one. It was always, and it was all consuming. 

Sage (14:28)

Well, I love working. I always have to work. If I have idle time, I will get in bad trouble with myself.

Emily (14:33):

Well, that's the same. My work ethic is obnoxious. I've noticed that now that I'm this cleaning lady, it's like I have too good of a work ethic. I will not let anything go. I'm neurotic. I'm so worried about it. I'm like, is this good enough? I have this one client, we'll call him The Mansplainer because he's ridiculous. He wants me to do a B plus. 

Sage (14:57)

That is so funny. He said that to you.

Emily (14:58):

What Is a B plus? 

Sage (14:59)

He said to you, literally, do a B plus job.

Emily (15:00):

Do a b plus job plus job. He goes, I do not want A plus service. I want B plus.

Sage (15:05)

Oh, that's my type of man. 

Emily:

He's like, but do you know how I'm killing myself over trying to figure out…

Sage (15:10)

Because you're a Virgo. 

Emily (15:10)

…what a B plus is when it comes to cleaning. And so when I clean his stove, I'm scrubbing all the grime off and then I leave one layer of grime.  And I'm like, is that a B plus? He loved it. He was like, Emily, that is a B plus. I was like, this is disgusting. I was like, I was like, but remember, this is the man that, okay, I show up. First time client. I'm his help. That's what he calls me because it's not just cleaning lady. I do all this weird shit for him. And he's like, he tells me, wait, 

Sage (15:38)

Does he have a micro penis? 

Emily (15:40)

I don't know. I'm not hooking up with this man. Absolutely not.

Sage (15:45):

Okay, good

Emily (15:46):

Oh my god, Sage.

Sage (15:47):

Maybe in the future, maybe in the future.

Emily (15:49):

Absolutely not. That is a hell no. That is a hell, hell no. This man is so odd, and the fact that I'm seeing his behind the scenes makes it even more unattractive. This man needs so much help. So he tells me not to bring any cleaning supplies, that he's fully stocked. And I'm like, great. And so I'm like, okay, where are the cleaning supplies? He shows me a bottle of Listerine and a can of WD 40.

Sage (16:14):

He needs a woman in his life.

Emily (16:14):

I’m like, and I'm supposed to clean your fucking house with this stuff?

Sage (16:19):

Spray the WD 40 all over the fucking floors and be like, there you go bud.

Emily (16:22):

No, no. This is how he uses the floors. So this is where he becomes mansplaining. He's trying to tell me how to clean his house, and the way we clean is we vacuum with the vacuum that he did not charge. So it's dead. And I was like, okay. 

Sage (16:33)

Cool.

Emily (16:33)

And then he's like, just take a towel out of the dirty laundry basket, get it wet, and then use your feet to wipe it around the floors. And then he's like, but make sure you get into the corners.

Sage (16:44):

That's efficient.

Emily (16:45):

B plus 

Sage (16:46)

That is B plus. Babe.

Emily (16:46)

It's so inefficient. I was like, dude, I was like, are you fucking kidding me right now? This is how you want me to clean your house. But you didn't know what mansplaining was though when I first told you the story.

Sage (16:58):

No.

Emily (16:59):

Which shocked me.

Sage (17:00):

Elaborate on that. 

Emily (17:02):

Because I'm sure you've been mansplained in your life. You know what? And it's not gender specific. Women can do this too, but the term is mansplaining, but there is womensplaining for sure. It's basically like so mansplaining in the traditional sense is where a man tells a woman how to do something. Like he's overly explaining something as if she's an idiot. She just can't get it. And he's this man and he's so knowledgeable and I'm going to explain how to him showing me how to mop a floor. And then he's like, and I want it done this way. And I was just like, dude, just let me bring my own supplies and take care of your house because you are a disaster. 

Sage (17:41)

It just sounds like noise. Go away with the noise. 

Emily (17:44)

Whatever, he gives me cash and that's all I care about. And at the end of the day, he's like, here are your hundos. And I'm like, thanks bro. Bye. 

Sage:

See you next week. 

Emily:

I'll polish your white sneakers for you. That's literally what he had me doing last time. So anyway, that's how broke Emily is, is that she deals with Mr. Mansplainer and cleans his B plus sink.

Sage (18:04):

But the positive note is the freedom. No stress. 

Emily (18:07)

Correct. 

Sage  (18:09):

Easygoing, good vibes. 

Emily (18:10)

No stress. But how hard is it to go for a B plus? I don't know. But apparently I'm nailing it. And if that's all life is giving me right now, I'm cool with it. B plus vibes, that's where we are right now. We're on B plus vibes.

Sage (18:22):

But every man needs a woman because they can't clean their floors. They can’t organize their sock drawer. 

Emily (18:30):

No.

Sage (18:32):

They have their shit fucking laying everywhere that's not folded and organized.

Emily (18:35):

And you know what? I almost like this better because it is traditional jobs and I'm kind of like, all right, he's being a traditional asshole. But then when you're a CEO and you're in the boardroom and they're being assholes and they play the equality game, but then you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, this is just hidden passive aggressive, but it's the same bullshit. I'd rather just be up in the open room like, yes, I am folding your dirty underwear because you are disgusting.

Sage (18:56)

But at least you get paid for it.

Emily  (18:57):

I get paid for it. 

Sage (18:58)

if you were married and had to do all that.

Emily (19:00):

So true.

Sage (19:01):

You're not getting paid, babe.

Emily (19:02):

No. And you don't even have your own accounts if you're one of the unfortunate women. I just read a quote. I did want to say this. When you were talking about marriages and how women are trapped. I just saw this, the average US marriage lasts eight years, which I thought was really short.

Sage (19:17):

You know why? Because if it's 10 years or longer than you have to pay the bitch alimony for the rest of her life. 

Emily (19:23)

You think it's intentional? 

Sage (19:24)

It is. My ex did that to me. He got rid of me nine years in seven months. 

Emily (19:28)

Well, your ex is a super dick. 

Sage (19:31)

Oh, super narcissist manipulative.

Emily (19:33)

A hundred percent. 

Sage (19:34)

He's a monster. 

Emily (19:35)

He is. 

Sage (19:36)

So nine years in some change you got rid of me because after 10 then it's considered long term. 

Emily (19:40):

Wow.

Sage (19:41):

So he only had to pay me alimony four years instead for the rest of my life.

Emily (19:44):

Eight years of marriage sounds like a very long time. I'm surprised that's not long term. 

Sage (19:47)

No, it's 10 or over. 

Emily (19:48)

Mine lasted two. 

Sage (19:50)

You walked away with nothing. 

Emily (19:52)

No, I gave him the alimony. I just wanted to get rid of him so badly. I was like, whatever. And I didn't need the money then. Now it's a different story. Maybe I should go back.

Sage (19:59):

Maybe you should call 'em. Yeah.

Emily (20:00):

Anyway, so the average US marriage lasts eight years and 30% of the remaining marriages exist only because the women are financially trapped and they can't get out because they don't have their own money. 30% of marriages. 

Sage (20:14)

That makes total sense. 

Emily (20:16)

Holy shit ladies, what are you doing?

Sage (20:18):

Again, financial independence from your man is so… 

Emily:

It's so important. 

Sage:

It's so vital 

Emily (20:22):

It’s so important.

Sage (20:25):

A man is not a plan. Like we said earlier. 

Emily (20:26):

Even If you love him and you're with him forever, and we are jealous and go get it, but have your own money, girl. You make your money. It is your money. You spend your money, that is yours. 

Sage (20:35)

Build your credit. 

Emily (20:36)

Yes.

Sage (20:38):

Put your name on the title of the house.

Emily (20:40):

Yes. And if you're like Sage and I just live large, like we're broke, but we go paycheck to paycheck, we cash in, cash out. We do these Hail Mary types of spending. 

Sage (20:52)

We have nice dinners.

Emily (20:53)

Carpe diem. Live your life. Just because you don't have a ton of money doesn't mean that you can't live like you do.

Sage (21:00)

We don't live like we're strapped, babe. 

Emily (21:02)

Don't. We don't. But there's also a new term called “doomspending”. 

Sage (21:05):

Oh.

Emily (21:06):

Which I don't think we do, but maybe people out there do where this is where people are afraid the world is going to end. So they just spend all their money in a panic .

Sage (21:14)

Like on materialistic bullshit? 

Emily (21:16)

It's like retail therapy but with an apocalyptic vibe. 

Sage (21:19)

Ok, so we want multiple TVs and all the toilet paper in the world and all the water bottles. 

Emily (21:24):

It's like doom’s coming, so I'm just going to spend my money. You and I are more like, ah, we've seen doom. It's over. This is post crap. We've done the apocalypse. Now, let's go have some fun. 

Sage (21:35)

Yeah, let's go enjoy.

Emily  (21:37)

Let's go enjoy our dollars. 

Sage (21:40)

We keep putting this on the back burner, but our type of fun is like, want to go see the tarot card reader on the Venice Beach floor walk? 

Emily (21:46)

Yes. We still have to do that. 

Sage (21:48)

And then we'll have mimosas after. 

Emily (21:49)

I fucking love her. 

Sage (21:50)

Then we'll meet a bunch of dudes at the bar and tell… 

Emily (21:52):

Everybody loves that. Everybody loves a good brunch followed by a Tarot reader.

Sage (21:56):

And then Sage will be like the crazy one telling all these guys to fuck off. And then I can't find Emily and she's with Micro Dick somewhere behind the bar. We can reenact the whole thing, but we need our Tarot card reading in there. 

Emily (22:06)

Yeah, we do. We got to do that next. 

Sage (22:08)

That's our type of living big.

Emily (22:09):

Well maybe we'll fit that in for next time.

Sage (22:11):

Yeah.

Emily (22:11):

Yeah. 

Sage (22:13)

Love that. 

Emily (22:13)

In the meantime, ladies, please save your dollars and keep your hustle on. We have hustle mode going on over here and we are not ashamed to tell it. And I will clean your house for you any day if you need it. Los Angeles, I'm for hire and yeah, money in, money out. Live large. And we will be back next week possibly with a Tarot reading. Possibly not. Who's to say what's to come? And for now, we will bid you farewell. 

Sage:

Cheers. 

Emily:

Bye. 

Sage:

Bye