Keep Your Cuffs Off Me

It’s the holiday season!  And with that comes the pressure on single individuals to shack it up.  Research shows that online dating spikes this time of year, as we tirelessly try to fulfill the emptiness to avoid being alone for the holidays.  The ladies discuss a few ways they’ve recently met men which includes a random application from a flyer found on a street lamp post in Venice and surviving a mortifying yet hilarious double date that Sage drags Emily on.

Transcript

Emily (00:00):

What is up Los Angeles and all of the Watch Me Do it fans all over the world. It is Emily here with my bestie Sage and we are back for our weekly drop of all of the shenanigans. 

Sage:

Thank you for joining us. Here we are. 

Emily:

Here we are. And thank you for following and listening. And don't forget as always to hit that subscribe button and share it with your friends. It means a lot to us here in the studio to be able to hear from you and see how we grow.

Sage (00:30):

Yes, we love to grow and hear everyone's feedback and please initiate with your thoughts, concerns, questions, what have you. We'd love to have you on the show maybe.

Emily (00:40):

We actually have a little list going of all the questions that we're getting. So we'll eventually start addressing those because we didn't think we were that interesting, but apparently we are that people are asking questions about us, so keep 'em coming.

Sage (00:53):

And I love that the men are so into it.

Emily (00:56):

Yes they are.

Sage (00:56):

We love you, guys.

Emily (00:57):

We love you men. As much as we hate you, we love you.  Can’t live with you, can’t live without you.  I’m sure you think the same about us.

Sage (01:04):

Yes.

Emily (01:05):

But on that note, it is the holiday season, my friends. And with that comes this horrible thing called “cuffing season”. 

Sage:

See, I'm new to this. 

Emily:

Well, because I think it's a social media thing, I don't think it actually exists, but social media has this way of getting in our minds and making us feel bad about anything that we're doing. And so cuffing season typically runs from October to December, and it basically is like, okay, everybody get on your app, swipe as fast as you can, find a plus one because God forbid you are single during the holidays and you have to have a plus one at all the holiday parties you get invited to and you can't be at the Thanksgiving table without a man next to you. And I do get it because I suffered for years having the family be like - well, I always did have a man. So I guess it wasn't that bad. But recently, recently I've suffered for years of the family being like, so who are you dating? Why aren't you dating? How are you sitting at this table by yourself? Because everybody is a couple. And everybody has the children and I get it. I get the pressures of this whole concept.

Sage (02:13):

No, this concept is very foreign to me. Maybe it's different for me because I have kids. So the last thing I'm going to do is…

Emily:

Yeah, you have your tribe, you have your people. 

Sage:

The last thing I'm going to do is bring a rando from a dating app and be like, oh, I have my date and my kids are here with me. And I’m at my Aunties in Calabasas with my grandma. 

Emily:

No, it's horribly awkward. 

Sage:

They would be like, why did you bring a stranger here?

Emily (02:35):

No. Well, your family's cool and your family also has their priorities straight because that's what I think about this whole thing is that the holidays are a time to slow down, to put work away and spend quality time with the people that you love. And unfortunately,

Sage (02:51):

Which is not a stranger from a dating app, I’m sorry.

Emily (02:53):

Well, it doesn't have to be from a dating app, but yeah, 

Sage:

Whatever, what have you. 

Emily:

It's like a new person that you've just met and that you've just started dating and you rush and they meet the family and they come to the holidays and they're sitting at the table because or they're going to the party. Everybody has their company parties. And I just think it's the wrong mindset that there's this horror that you go to these things by yourself. And believe me, gang, I've been single for so fucking long. I know how that feels. It is hard, but just keep your mind focused on what it's about. It's like you're going there to enjoy the company of these other people, whether they're colleagues, close colleagues, that you're not in the office and you're shooting the shit and you're just trying to have a good time, or you're at your family's table or whatever is happening in your holiday season. You don't necessarily need to have some random person on your arm. 

Sage (03:44):

No. What's more embarrassing is like, oh, they were there for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but where the hell are they for Easter?

Emily (03:49):

Well, that's what's so funny. It's like this is a trend. They have data on this that everybody rushes into a relationship in October. They're together during this cuffing season and then they all break up after New Year’s because God forbid that you're single on New Year's Eve. Oh my God, you have to kiss somebody, somebody. 

Sage:

Yes. 

Emily:

Yeah, that's easy enough. Go bang somebody for all I care.

Sage (04:07):

Exactly. Do a little cheers with some champagne. 

Emily (04:10):

Or just be with your girlfriends. That's my last few New Year's have been with my girls. And I don't know, I just think it's just an example of how we love to make people feel bad if they're single and not alone. I don't feel alone. I have all my family and I love spending that time with my family because I don't see my nieces that often. And it's a great excuse really to be with those people. And I would just be distracted if I had some random dude that I'm like, look mom. And then there's all that extra stress and pressure over do they like him? What's he going to say? Is he going to hate me because he barely knows me? Why would you do that to yourself? 

Sage (04:48):

That's embarrassing to bring, I'm sorry for me anyways, my kids would be like, who the fuck is this? Why are you doing that?

Emily (04:57):

But you know what's interesting is I was reading an article about this phenomenon and it was saying that it might actually be a part of our evolution because as gorilla people, cavemen, you needed another body to stay warm because it's the turning of the seasons and you needed that companionship. And I get that. I'm from New England, winter hibernation is real.

Sage (05:23):

I’m from Michigan.

Emily (05:23):

You go, yeah, you go under the covers and you got to 

Sage:

Snuggle bunny

Emily:

Snuggle up. So I kind of get that from that perspective that it might just be a part of who we are as humans. Humans we nest, you know? We do have our tribe around us. But I think in modern day it's gotten way too carried away that now it's like we've forgotten the point of the holidays. It's gotten to be too manufactured and commercial and picture perfect Pinterest that everybody

Sage (05:53):

Consumerism is also a problem.

Emily (05:53):

Everybody has to have the couple, you have to be a couple, and you can't just be who you are and who you're with. If that's nobody or my dog's been my plus one now for three years and he's the best.

Sage (06:06):

My plus two are my kids and it's just been the three of us. And I don't bring men in and out of that house or to any other functions that are family oriented.

Emily (06:16):

No.

Sage (06:16):

And I just keep it safe with the three of us.

Emily (06:18):

I wouldn't blame you. So anyway, apparently though online apps they spike. That's the fastest way to get a date. That's the fastest way to meet somebody is you just hit those apps up. But I've also read that the dating apps are declining.

Sage (06:36):

Ooh, that's good news. I love that. 

Emily (06:38):

I think it's very good news. I think a lot of people are having fatigue with it. It's not genuine connections. I mean it can be, it can.  Actually one of my besties just met somebody on Hinge and he's having a great time. So it can work. It can definitely work. I know people that have gotten married off of it, but they're starting to decline and people are starting to look for other ways to meet people.

Sage (07:02):

Ok, so let's bring up from that point, the lamppost flyer that we found of this gentleman who went ahead and created a flyer.

Emily:

A flyer.

Sage:

That Emily literally found. We were walking our dogs.

Emily:

Yes we were.

Sage:

And this was a weekend, and she's staring at a lamppost and I'm across the street and I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at? Get over here. Let's walk back home.  After we got our coffees and our croissants, what have you. And she's like, you won't believe what I just saw. And I'm like, what? And she's like, look at this picture. It's a QR scan. 

Emily:

Well, it's the guy's face.

Sage:

And his face.

Emily:

Just his face. He cuts out his head. 

Sage:

It says I'm done with dating apps and this is my new style of wanting to find a date. And so Emily literally goes through the whole process. 

Emily:

I scanned the QR code.

Sage (07:51):

And it's question after question. 

Emily:

So here it is.

Sage (07:53):

It's hysterical.

Emily (07:55):

He's adorable. He's wearing this little beanie. I'm looking at his photo right now. He's got great teeth.

Sage (07:59):

He's actually cute.

Emily (08:00):

He's very cute.

Sage (08:01):

Yes.

Emily (08:01):

And he writes, I'm looking for the perfect woman. Good luck.

Sage (08:05):

Yeah, right.

Emily (08:05):

Are you the right person for my life? So you scan and you hit apply. And he writes, nice to meet you Emily. See he's smart. He figured out how to put my name in there. Thanks for taking the time to apply. I would be delighted to learn more about you. Due to the many requests and messages on Instagram, I need some information from you in advance. This is where it gets sketchy. That would be easier to manage our first date. So he's basically preparing as if it's like a business meeting. All sound good to you, question mark. And then you have to hit “sounds great”.

Sage (08:36):

Turn off.

Emily (08:37):

So far so good, question mark. Now we'd like to ask a few questions about you. We, that's the first time I noticed that. Now we’d like to ask a few questions. Who's the we?

Sage:

So he has a counterpart?

Emily:

Who's evaluating me here. There's a team.

Sage (08:51):

Yes.

Emily (08:52):

Weird. Then you hit fire away. The first question is what are you currently doing in your life?  Hahaha, we just…

Sage (08:59):

Fucking nuts. So then I pushed back to Emily and I was like, we're creating our own flyers with our own QR scan codes.

Emily (09:07):

Wait, no it gets better, it gets better, it gets better. What do you currently - study? Work or leisure? I wrote combo. And then he goes, okay, time for a question about our first date. And then you have to click “bring them on”. And he goes, what's your email address? And I'm like, oh. So I think I made up something because I was like, no, this is weird. And then how do you prefer to get to know each other for the first time? I wrote traditional meetup, cafe, restaurant, but there's a virtual date, there's an activity based date where you go painting together, and then there's adventurous dates, like day trips, adventurous activities, which I'm all for, but not for the first date. 

SageL

Wait, this is nuts. Who has time to set up this shit?

Emily (09:45):

And then he asked for your Instagram and I wrote, I don't have Instagram, which we know is a lie, but I channeled my inner Sage. I was a little like, this is getting stalky. I'm not giving you my Instagram. And then if you wish you can enter your phone number. I did not enter my phone number. And then it says, thanks for applying. I'll let you know when I'm back in town.

Sage (10:05):

Now I know why you have not been contacted because you left out the phone number, the email and the Instagram.

Emily (10:10):

Oh yeah. I'm not throwing myself at this guy. I'm a little bit more reticent. But I've also decided, because we did look him up because he does promote his own Instagram and he's an artist who's traveling the world and he's touring. And so I think it was all a PR stunt for his business.

Sage (10:26):

Either that and, or…

Emily (10:27):

He’s not actually looking to date.

Sage (10:28):

No, and he's rich. I mean you're an artist and you travel the whole world. Who's funding that shit?

Emily (10:33):

Yeah. And it was all PR and we kind of fell for it. But!

Sage:

It's a cool idea. 

Emily:

Sage… 

Sage:

Outside of dating apps, I'd rather do that. 

Emily:

She's going to do it. We are going to get Sage a QR code. 

Sage:

Oh my God. 

Emily:

So any of you men out there or women or anybody, if you are…

Sage (10:47):

No women, I do not want to have sex with a woman. I’m sorry.

Emily (10:50):

No, no, no, no, no. Not for the application to help us with a QR code. If you can help us, come up with a website for Sage and a QR code.

Sage (10:59):

Sage at Watch Me Do It dot com, there you go!

Emily (11:00):

We are going to be taking applications and we are going to flyer our neighborhood. We'll put it right under Lamppost guy's flyer.

Sage (11:09):

Perfect. Right by the Whole Foods on Rose and Lincoln.

Emily (11:12):

And we'll see if that works. We're going to start screening some applications for Sage because she will not go on an online app and I don't blame her. I do not.

Sage (11:23):

Actually, you've said something very sweet recently. I don't want to put you through this shit. I don't want to put you on an app because it's so detrimental. 

Emily (11:32):

Yes, it's masochism. It's masochism. You have to hate yourself to really go through that ringer in my opinion. But yeah, there's many different ways I think that people can meet each other. Now this was actually a conversation that you had with your new friend Ava.

Sage (11:48):

Yes, yes. So actually I was walking the Bluffs with my dogs and I noticed this really pretty, but standard LA girl with her Lululemons and her crop top on. And this older gentleman was kind of in her corner. I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable and she was there with her dog as well. And so I kind of intervened and was like, Hey, my dogs want to say hi to your dog.

Emily (12:17):

Oh, she sent you the girl signal, for sure.

Sage (12:18):

Yeah, the girl code signal, like save me.

Emily (12:20):

Like help. That was the save me signal. So everybody pay attention to that save me signal. We send it often and there's nothing worse than you're sending it and nobody comes to your rescue.  

Sage (12:30):

Responds or helps you. Exactly.

Emily (12:31):

That's my life where I'm just like, oh, now I have to get out of this by myself.

Sage (12:35):

So anyways, so after I approach her, and I don't know her, but between the fact that our dogs are saying hi, and then the older gentleman that's kind of harassing her and not getting the hint eventually leaves, which is great. And her and I strike up a conversation and she was like, thank you for saving me. I was in a pinch. He wasn't getting the message. And of course I was like, I could tell, hence why I approached you and we continued to talk for two hours. I never meet a stranger where I'm compelled to spend two hours of my time talking to someone. I'm too busy.

Emily (13:12):

Dogs do that though.  

Sage (13:13):

That's true. 

Emily (13:13):

Dogs are a great way to meet people.

Sage (13:15):

They're a great way to connect.

Emily (13:16):

They're a good icebreaker. 

Sage:

Yeah.

Emily:

My little man is the best little wing man ever. But then mom fucks it up all the time. But he's great. He hits on all the hot surfer dudes on the beach all the time. And then I don't know what to say. I'm just like, oh yeah, my guys got it, but the rest of me is a mess.

Sage (13:31):

So anyways, after we speak for over two hours, I learn a lot about Ava and how different it is for her to date. She is 10 years younger than me, never been married, no kids. But what struck me the most was the fact that she's allergic to drinking.

Emily (13:50):

Oh wow.

Sage (13:51):

And she was like, how do you meet people? I can't go to the bar. I can't drink.

Emily (13:57):

Alcohol is very central to anything social. 

Sage:

Exactly.

Emily:

But now there's that big movement of those non-alcoholic drinks.

Sage (14:04):

And they're actually really good.

Emily (14:06):

It's still the vibe If you're not into that type of scene, alcohol or no alcohol, it's still tough, I think.

Sage (14:15):

Yeah. So then she brought up this topic of conversation that I've never really had to meddle with before is like, do we go out for coffee? 

Emily:

No, we hate coffee. 

Sage:

Because for me, that would be insulting.

Emily (14:27):

Yes, yes.

Sage (14:28):

But for her, that's what she wants because she can't go to the bar and have a drink. 

Emily:

Right.

Sage:

And so we were on different pages.

Emily (14:35):

It’s a nice alternative.

Sage (14:36):

Not only because of our age, but because of our barriers.

Emily (14:39):

Well, I will say this, that the coffee shop is a great place to meet people. That's one of my favorite things to do is to take my laptop, and especially a coffee shop with a really good vibe. And there's tons of people doing that. But we're also intent on our laptops and our phones that we don't actually look around.

Sage (14:56):

Communicate.

Emily (14:59):

Or talk to people.  But there are a lot of people by themselves in a coffee shop that you could, maybe I just bring you with me next time, because you're ready to talk to anybody at all times.

Sage (15:11):

Oh yes, I'll put up the charm all day, sister. But when you're in a bar, you're not with your laptop and you're not intently working remote and crazy.

Emily (15:20):

Well, I will say that that is one of the most refreshing things about LA is in Boston and elsewhere that I've been, people are very engrossed in their phones and they're at the bar and they're with their friends and it doesn't matter. They are looking at their phones. And I've had many situations even where people are swiping on the online dating apps while they're at the bar and there's all these and these guys sitting these and I'm like, hello! 

Sage:

I'm right here. 

Emily:

Look around. There's all these beautiful single women that are vying for your attention and you're in your fucking phone. But I will say that LA that's one of my first impressions when I moved here was that people are not in their phones. They really aren't. Not in the same way. They are paying attention. They're present and they're paying attention to the company that they're with and their heads are up and they're looking around and people are chatting and it is really nice. So I think in general, it's something that everybody needs to check because you could be missing an amazing person, an amazing meeting sitting there on your phone looking like swiping on Bumble when there's a person sitting right next to you.

Sage (16:25):

Yup, yup.

Emily (16:25):

That you can easily, and we don't have to overthink it either. You can easily just say hi.  Those are the best pickups anyway, is where you're literally, they're just like, Hey, how are you? And you're like, eh.

Sage (16:36):

I've actually noticed when we do our little bar escapades,

Emily (16:43):

Yes.

Sage (16:43):

I meet more women than I do men that are on the same page with us. Oh, I just fucking ditched my boyfriend of three years. He was 50 years old and he treated me like shit. And I'm like, yes, sister. Girl power. 

Emily (16:58):

That's true. It's actually, it's almost more valuable to get a girl's digits than a guys. It's kind of fun to get a new girlfriend. And so one of my ideas on, because I, Emily, remain single as fuck, if you've been following along on this podcast, I've had a lot of swings and misses here in LA. 

Sage (17:18):

You don't have to be single though. You can have sex with whoever you want.

Emily (17:20):

That's not a relationship though. That's just like a bang in the storage closet while I'm puking. It's not what I'm talking about.

Sage (17:27):

Mid-City Micro.

Emily (17:28):

But I tried… episode four. I tried to come up with some new ways to meet people and one of them was this reading party.

Sage (17:38):

Please do not bore the fuck out of our listeners.

Emily (17:41):

You, so Sage and our producer are making fun of me about this. But I am very intrigued.

Sage (17:46):

This is so lame you guys.

Emily (17:48):

You literally, no. Okay. 

Sage:

It's not even a fucking book club. You're not even reading the same book. 

Emily:

It's not a book club. It's not a book club. That's what I like about it. It's a reading party.

Sage (17:57):

If it was a book club, then you're all in the same line of communicating what you read.

Emily (18:00):

No, I'm going to do this because I love to read and I never have time and it takes me over a year to read a book. So if I'm going to go to a bar, which I love, 

Sage (18:10):

And it takes her over a year to do a puzzle, by the way.

Emily (18:12):

Yes, it does. And I love going to a bar. So I'm in the vibe, I'm in the atmosphere. And I get some time to read my book. And then there's little breakout one-on-ones where you get to meet people who are also reading their books.

Sage (18:22):

Wait, once you told me that you went to the bar and you’re reading a book and someone, didn’t someone approach you?

Emily (18:27):

I went to a club on Melrose.

Sage:

Reading a book. 

Emily:

I brought my book with me. This is when I was brand new to LA and I didn't know what I was doing. 

Sage:

What the fuck.  Where you at least having a martini?

Emily:

I know, the Bouncer was kind of making fun of me. But no, we were standing in line, we were trying to get in because I was with these VIPs.

Sage (18:41):

You're standing in line, reading a book to get into a club on Melrose.

Emily (18:44):

Well, no, I wasn't reading. I was so, okay, alright.

Sage (18:47):

Okay. This is why Big K is like third grade teacher, mom vibes.

Emily (18:50):

I have an inner nerd. Okay. So when I first came to LA, I was by myself and I went to a very popular bar called Sur.  Those of you who watch Vanderpump Rules know what I'm talking about. It is in West Hollywood and I decided to go there because I'm like this tourist. I'm like, oh Sur, whatever. And I brought a book because I was by myself and I thought I was going to sit at the bar and read my book and have a meal. And I didn't know, it's LA. I didn't know, I was brand new. Anyway, I get swept up, I meet all these people.

Sage (19:23):

Is this normal in Boston? What brings you the idea that it would be okay to do it in LA?

Emily (19:28):

I did pick up a guy who was reading a book once. Yeah, I did.

Sage (19:32):

In Boston.

Emily (19:33):

In Boston at my neighborhood bar.

Sage (19:34):

This is not LA Vibes honey.

Emily (19:36):

No, I know. I've learned that this night. I've learned. But I will say it was the best icebreaker because everybody was like, what the fuck? There's the girl with the book. I stuck out and I was wearing a weird dress because I was from Boston. I wasn't wearing the latest West Hollywood getup.

Sage (19:51):

You would stick out. Yes you would.

Emily (19:52):

I didn't have my romper yet.  The one that you love.

Sage (19:55):

You’re reading a book with a bad dress and you're sitting by yourself at a bar.

Emily (19:58):

Yes.

Sage (19:59):

Okay.  I love it.

Emily (20:00):

But I got picked up by a woman. I got picked up by a guy. I ended up meeting a whole group of race car drivers. They're like famous. They're like, I don't know who they are, but they're.. 

Sage:

That's hot. 

Emily:

Yes. You would've loved this group. 

Sage:

Oh yeah, I would've been. 

Emily:

And they're like VIPs. That's what I mean. We weren't really in the line at the club because they were VIPs. So we were in our own area.

Sage (20:20):

Ok.

Emily (20:20):

But I was the girl with the book and the bouncer was British. And so this book is called Booth, that's all it says. That's the title of the book Booth. And what I found so fascinating is that everybody knew what it was about. 

Sage:

Oh.

Emily:

John Wilkes Booth. The guy that killed Abraham Lincoln. 

Sage:

Ohhhhh.

Emily:

So it's the best icebreaker ever. And so this British bouncer at Rasputin, this famous back in the day Hollywood Glam Club on, is it on Melrose or whatever those famous streets are. I don't even know. I'm still new here. And this bouncer's like is that about the guy that killed Abraham Lincoln? And I'm like, well, yes, yes it is. And guess who got to cut the line… 

Sage:

Little book girl.

Emily:

With her race car drivers. So I'm telling you,

Sage:

You're a fucking dork. 

Emily:

The book fucking works. They fucking loved it. They loved it. But then I will say that this reading party, 

Sage:

Okay, so wait, wait. Moving forward, would you rather do the reading party or would you rather just keep bringing you a book to a bar?

Emily (21:24):

I’ll do both. I'm going to do both.

Sage (21:26):

See,

Emily (21:27):

I'm putting myself out there, Sage.

Sage (21:28):

I'm bringing condoms honey. I'm not bringing a fucking book.

Emily (21:30):

Well you can bring me with the book and you can have your Skyn condoms in your bag.

Sage (21:36):

Yes. Yes.

Emily (21:37):

Yes. But anyway, I got a little turned off by the reading party because there was five women that were hosting it and I was like, oh, this is going to be a room full of chicks. It's not really where I'm going to meet a guy. And as I just said, I am not opposed to meeting girlfriends. I just don't really have the time right now. 

Sage (21:52):

Well right.  Listen, honey.

Emily (21:53):

So you gotta prioritize.

Sage (21:56):

There is no men that are going to sign up for a reading party.

Emily (21:58):

I know. 

Sage:

It’s always going to be women.

Emily:

I started to get that vibe that I was like, this is going to be about girlfriends, which I love.  I’m all good.

Sage (22:03):

Sure. Sure.

Emily (22:04):

So we have to go back to square one on how we meet people. And so I'd say one of the most classic ways that is still tried and true is you get introduced through friends, right? Your friends are like, oh, who do you know who's single? But with you, my dear friend Sage, this completely fucking backfired. So this is over the summer gang, and Sage and I are still relatively new friends and she's dating this guy and…

Sage (22:32):

I wasn't dating him.

Emily (22:33):

Yes, you were.  You guys were totally dating.

Sage:

For like..

Emily:

Not exclusively, but you were dating.

Sage:

Like a month. 

Emily:

It was more than that, it was like two months.

Sage (22:40):

No.

Emily (22:42):

It doesn't matter.

Sage (22:43):

Okay.

Emily (22:43):

He was so into her.

Sage (22:44):

He wanted me to be his girlfriend desperately. And I was like, fuck no.

Emily (22:50):

You were like, who? What?

Sage (22:52):

I do not want a boyfriend. And that's why I kept him a bit afar.  He’s off.  He needed…

Emily (22:56):

He passed my test, my first one and I liked him and I thought he was a good guy.

Sage (23:02):

You spent a lot of time with him.

Emily (23:04):

I spent a lot of time with him and then he started to get some red flags and then I was like, yeah, no, not good for you. It might've been after I had to suffer through this horrific double date that you put me on.

Sage (23:14):

Well no, what happened was that he was getting out of a relationship and I was going to be his get under to get over.

Emily (23:20):

Exactly. That's when I started to get the red flags is when he started bemoaning about his ex. And then I was like, oh, he has a void and he's trying to fill the void with you and he doesn't… And he was doing what so many people do where they have a vision of who you are and an image of who they want you to be so that they can fill that void. 

Sage:

Correct.

Emily:

And it was nothing like who you actually are and he was criticizing who you actually are. And that's when I was just like, fuck off. 

Sage:

Which I will not tolerate at all. 

Emily:

I was like, who are you? 

Sage:

Yes.

Emily:

He crashed our girlfriend day where we were, it was a summer day and it was a beautiful day and we were day drinking rose. That's what girls do. Rose all day. Hashtag. And so this guy insists on coming along and by that point it was like seven o'clock at night, so we… 

Sage (24:07):

We’re bombed. I was dancing with the DJ.

Emily (24:09):

You were having a great time. 

Sage:

Oh fuck yeah. That restaurant was so fun.

Emily:

You loved that DJ. I follow him now on Instagram.  He’s hot.

Sage:

Oh, do you? 

Emily:

Yeah, we should go. We should go…

Sage (24:16):

We should go back. 

Emily:

We should go. No, no, no. But he does real clubs, not the weird little dinky Marina restaurant that we were in. But anyway, so the guy shows up and then he complains the whole fucking time about Sage and I'm like, to me her best girlfriend and I'm like, dude, no one invited you here. This is her girlfriend day. And he's like, she needs to drink less wine, blah blah blah. And I'm like, excuse you. You don't barely know this girl. You can't tell her what she can and cannot do and what she can and cannot drink.

Sage (24:46):

And I'm not going to hear it from anyone, as you know.

Emily (24:48):

No, never. He was just like douchebag and a half. But you still were doing this little dance with him and this little pretense to the extent that he decided that he was going to set me up with his friend.

Sage (25:04):

Oh my God.

Emily (25:04):

So it sounded like super awesome. It was like, oh, double date. Yay. We go to Elephante. 

Sage:

Which is a hotspot.  My daughter who's 16 goes there. 

Emily:

Yeah, the high schoolers go to Elephante. And he picked a time of 4:30 in the afternoon. 

Sage:

We were like, uh

Emily:

So it's like old people time but at a place that the high schoolers go to. 

Sage:

Grandpa time. 

Emily:

It was like, really?

Sage:

No, the high schoolers show up at 10:00 PM.

Emily:

Yeah, but it's the same bar.

Sage (25:27):

Right.

Emily (25:28):

That's what I mean. Shouldn’t we show up at eight so we're at least sort of cool and it's dinner time, but it was 4:30 for a reason was because they wanted to just kind of check this box with us and then go have their real dinner.

Sage (25:42):

Right.  Because after we had…

Emily (25:43):

They went to sushi after we had dinner because we went to two places. 

Sage:

With just the two of them. 

Emily:

It was so fucked up. 

Sage:

They like drop kicked us to the curb and was like good night.

Emily:

Which we knew when it was 4:30. And I remember you texting him back and being like, honey, we have jobs. We can't actually meet until after five. I am sorry but don’t you guys have jobs?  But we learned that my fantastic date does not have a job. We have no idea what he does, but he's rich as fuck.

Sage (26:12):

Yes.

Emily (26:13):

Which Sage loved, but I don't care. He can keep his fucking money.

Sage (26:16):

Well, no he was like 6’3”, full on tattooed, from New York, his converse.

Emily (26:22):

And then he smiled, I walk up and he smiles at me and every single one of his teeth is a silver cap. 

Sage:

I'm like, rapper style? 

Emily:

No. 

Sage:

Is that where we're going with it? 

Emily:

No. He went, 

Sage:

Wait, here's the best part. 

Emily:

Even a fake rapper, he looked, he was so bad!

Sage:

You guys…

Emily:

And talk about nerdy, he had these big nerdy glasses and his body, he was all caved in and weak. 

Sage:

Yes!

Emily:

He had tats in a bad way, like on his eyelids. 

Sage:

And like his neck.

Emily:

And in his nostrils. 

Sage:

His hands.

Emily:

I'm like in Elephante, walking up to dinner and I'm supposed to have a date. This is my date. And I was like, Sage, I'm going to fucking rip your head off. And then the whole time she's like, he's so hot. What do you mean you don't like him, Emily? He's so hot. And I was just like, what is hot about this man? I'm horrified.

Sage (27:12):

Let me, can I set this up for you, actually?  He's like six two to six three. So he's very tall.

Emily (27:16):

So what. It doesn't matter. And he’s loaded with money.  I don’t care.  Keep your money.

Sage (27:19):

But he's caving in at the chest because he's just getting over open heart surgery. 

Emily:

Correct. 

Sage:

And so he has a humpback and he's caving in from his open heart surgery and he's very fragile and,

Emily (27:33):

And that's why he's in Santa Monica.

Sage (27:35):

Yes. Because…

Emily (27:36):

He came from Wyoming or something. 

Sage:

No!  He came from New York. 

Emily:

No, but he had a place in Wyoming. It's somewhere in the mountains. And the doctors were like, no, there's not enough oxygen there for you to recover. And so they shipped him off to LA and he ends up on a date with me and I was like, this is the worst match ever.

Sage:

Here's the best part ever. He got your phone number. 

Emily:

He asked for it. Yes. I was running away. I was like get me out of this fucking date.

Sage (27:57):

And he never called you.

Emily (27:58):

Yes. Well, and then you got jealous. So he asked me for my phone number, which I was shocked. Because I was like, there's no connection here. Why are we playing this charade? And then Sage comes running over, what? Ah you didn’t ask me for my phone number, blah, blah, blah. Has to steal the thunder. Even though I was like, you can have 'em girl. I was like, he's all yours. And he pulls out a second phone. He has two phone numbers, two phones, and he gives you the other phone number.

Sage (28:29):

Oh he did? 

Emily:

Yes! 

Sage:

I didn't even notice that.  

Emily (28:31):

You didn’t catch that?

Sage (28:32):

No, because I was with his friend. 

Emily:

I know.

Sage:

Which is so funny. I'm with the friend and I'm like, don’t you want my number too?  

Emily (28:36):

Right.

Sage (28:38):

Like hello?

Emily (28:39):

It was very weird. But then, yeah, he never used it. Which I was also not surprised by. That it was like, he… not like I wanted him.

Sage (28:47):

No, he's gay. Move on from there.

Emily (28:51):

That’s your date's explanation. 

Sage:

Yeah.

Emily:

Because no one could figure out why this guy didn't want me, which I take as a compliment, but at the same time I'm like, it was, we were not. There was no, there was no connection.

Sage (29:04):

There's no connection. But even in other…

Emily (29:05):

Look at me, look at him. 

Sage:

I get it. 

Emily:

He needs a rockstar type girl that's got the tats and the silver teeth.

Sage (29:13):

But he's not the first one of all the stories we've told where they have your number and they're not calling to hook up. And that's why I always cover for you and say they're gay.

Emily (29:27):

It's my cover.

Sage (29:28):

I'll say what Big K is, that…

Emily (29:30):

He's not that into me, but I'm fine with it because I'm not into him. He can keep the, I was shocked when he asked for my number and I was like, okay. And we still to this day don't really know what he did.

Sage (29:40):

I feel like he did that just out of obligation.

Emily:

Like respect, maybe.

Sage:

Yeah, 

Emily:

It’s not respectful.

Sage:

Because he paid for our meals and he paid for our drinks.

Emily (29:43):

Guys, if you're not going to use the phone number, don't ask for it.

Sage (29:51):

Do you feel like he did it out of obligation?  Think about it. 

Emily (29:53):

I don't know. I was so surprised. Was that after the second bar?  That was.

Sage:

Yes.

Emily:

We went to a second bar. That's how horrible this date was. They dragged us to two locations.

Sage:

Right.

Emily:

And he did pay for all of it. He was this big foodie and then your date hates to eat. He was being like a total woman, anorexic woman, picking at his salad.

Sage:

And then he does not even offer out his credit card.

Emily (30:16):

Noooo.

Sage:

Which was so embarrassing. 

Emily:

That was really awkward because you and I did. And the guy was like, no, no, I got it. And he looked away.

Sage (30:22):

Yes.

Emily (30:23):

He literally looked away and was looking at the waiter and put his hand in his pocket and I was like, whoa, bro, really? You're not even going to offer? So that was another turnoff, was that their relationship, it was very clear that your date was using my date for his millions.

Sage:

Money. Yes. 

Emily:

Because he does something. We never figured out what it was. We think he was in the music business or something.

Sage (30:43):

You tried to stalk him and we couldn't figure it out.

Emily (30:46):

I know.

Sage (30:46):

And you’re good at that.

Emily (30:47):

So no, I'm not. That's the whole thing. I like to stalk. I'm not good at it. I don't find anything out, really.

Sage (30:52):

We couldn't find any…

Emily (30:52):

I couldn't find him. And we had two phone numbers and a name.

Sage (30:57):

Did we have a last name?

Emily (30:57):

Yes. He gave me his last name. He texted me his full name and his phone number.

Sage (31:02):

Holy shit.

Emily (31:02):

So he's asking to be stalked. He is literally like, Emily go stalk me and I'm never going to call you. Even though I do feel like maybe he was waiting for me to call him because I was so out of his league.

Sage (31:17):

Good point.  Good point.

Emily (31:17):

Way. We were on different planets. This man was so gross and ugly.

Sage (31:23):

He's rock and roll type and you're very clean.  You’re very put together.

Emily (31:25):

He's ugly rock and roll. I don't have a single tattoo. I'm not that. And I was wearing this very pretty dress that was very business-like and heels. 

Sage:

Yes you were.

Emily:

Really classy heels. And I was just, I probably looked mortified the minute I sat down because how could I not? 

Sage:

Okay, so our first double date sucked. 

Emily

It sucked. 

Sage:

Yeah.

Emily:

And so note to everyone out there, if your girlfriend asks you, if your girlfriend is Sage and she asks you to go on a double date, 

Sage:

It’s because I need a favor.

Emily:

Just say no.

Sage:

No, it's because I need a favor. 

Emily:

No, just say no.

Sage (31:58):

And you would show up for me if I needed a favor.

Emily (32:00):

Yes.

Sage (32:01):

I know that of you.

Emily (32:02):

Yeah.

Sage (32:02):

And I would do the same.

Emily (32:04):

Yeah. You and this dude, I don't know what you two were doing,

Sage (32:07):

Whatever he wanted a girlfriend and that's not going to happen.

Emily (32:09):

Anyway.

Sage (32:10):

Yes.

Emily (32:11):

We're going to go make those flyers for my good friend Sage. And we are going to paint the town red.

Sage (32:18):

I love painting the town red.

Emily (32:19):

With her QR code. 

Sage:

Yes, let's go bitch. 

Emily:

And we'll also explore all kinds of other ways to meet people.

Sage (32:26):

And I have two quick shout outs to my Oregon boys.

Emily (32:30):

Oh, shout outs are happening.

Sage (32:32):

Yes, because they've reached out and they're like, please mention us. We love you guys. We're so supportive and you know what?

Emily (32:39):

That’s very sweet.

Sage (32:39):

I love that.

Emily (32:41):

Yeah.

Sage (32:41):

First to my Scotty, who was a great time about 20 years ago.

Emily (32:48):

Are you still a great time now, Scotty? That is the question.

Sage (32:51):

He is. He's been around the fucking community multiple times.

Emily (32:55):

Okay.

Sage (32:56):

 I will never forget him. 

Emily:

Peeps in Oregon. Look up Scotty. 

Sage:

Yeah, Scotty, never forget him. His dick was as memorable, one for the greater good, put it that way. And the greater good being that whole community and silver, I can't even say the word anymore, Silverton, Oregon.

Emily (33:16):

Silverton, Oregon.

Sage (33:16):

This little town with one stoplight and it's so sweet and cute.

Emily (33:21):

And Scotty's penis. 

Sage:

Yes!

Emily;

Was it as memorable as the micro?

Sage (33:26):

Well, micro is 0%,

Emily:

But very memorable. 

Sage:

That's true. Where Scotty's is like 120% memorable. Okay. To my other shout out to Hawk. We'll call him Hawk. 

Emily:

Yeah, Hawk. 

Sage:

Hey Hawk. 

Emily:

We love you, Hawk.

Sage:

We can call it H-A-W-K if you want. Who's our supportive web designer. And we really appreciate your feedback.

Emily (33:50):

Yes. Go to Watch Me Do It Podcast dot com to see his work.

Sage (33:53):

Yes. Go beeves. And now spread this shit like wildfire. Watch me do it. Here we go. 

Emily (33:59):

Watch me do it and be back next Tuesday. We love to hear from you. Remember, subscribe, share, listen up, send us your questions and we will see you again real soon.

Sage (34:10):

Cheers.

Emily (34:10):

Bye.