Let's Get Anal with Amy! A Valentine's Special

Sage has never been amused by Valentine's Day while Emily is more of a hopeless romantic - although since her divorce, she has preferred celebrating Galentine's with her best girlfriends instead.  The show's producer, Jeremy, joins the conversation reliving an epic Valentine's full of bougie cupcakes, mushrooms, and a scandalous sex-capade with a gigantic teddy bear from Costco.  The girls debate if that story wins Valentine's Day, or a story from their friend Amy who's Valentine's Day last year was full of literal and figurative shit. 

Make sure to hit subscribe on either Apple or Spotify today so you never miss a part of the story!

Transcript

Emily (00:15):

What is up Los Angeles and all of the Watch Me Do It friends all over the world. Welcome back to another Tuesday. My name is Emily and I'm here with my best friend, Sage, chatting about all of the things life brings you when you're divorced and in your forties, from men to sex, to friends, to dating, to work. It's all here for you. So get ready to laugh and be entertained as we share - unfiltered - everything that is happening in our world this week. So this week officially marks the end of the quote, unquote cuffing season as it is the very last of a long string of romantic holidays. It's like its own horrific version of the holiday season because it's a holiday season for couples, which is kind of clueless and discriminatory towards single people everywhere. And this holiday this week is like the queen bee of all romance.

Sage (01:11):

Or all things that make you just want to fucking vomit.

Emily (01:14):

Yeah. We're talking about Valentine's Day.

Sage:

Woo….

Emily:

So Sage, how do you feel about Valentine's Day? Tell the Watch Me Do It family your thoughts.

Sage (01:23):

So my experience with Valentine's Day in Los Angeles is pretty fucking awful. If you try to make a reservation at whatever fancy, top-notch restaurant, you end up sitting on the 405 for hours. You don't get to your reservation on time. So a lot of times they've already given up the seat and the table, so then you have to stand around and wait longer for another table to leave so you can be squeezed in. And then I also find that they're just overly busy and are understaffed, and so when you do get to your seat, they're not coming around right away. So you and your significant other are just staring at each other, like tapping the table. What's fucking next? We just got out of rush hour, now we're waiting for our server, and I just need a cocktail. I mean, what's your experience been like?

Emily (02:19):

And there's nothing to talk about.

Sage (02:21):

Or that!  Just like all the buzz wears off, all the excitement, right?  And then by the time you get home, you're not even down to fuck anymore. You're just tired and you want to go to bed. And you're looking at each other like I hate you anyways. Why did we just put ourselves through this?

Emily (02:38):

Over promised, under delivered? It's like New Year's Eve kind of.

Sage (02:41):

Totally.

Emily (02:42):

Yeah.

Sage (02:42):

Yes.

Emily (02:43):

Yeah. No, I have always loved Valentine's Day. That has not been my experience. But as you know, I am a hopeless romantic. I always have been. I've always loved the day prior to men ruining it for me and taking all the romance out of me. And now I'm just salty and independent, but not really. I think for me it's always been presented as an excuse to do it up, to go somewhere fancy that you normally wouldn't do because I mean, let's be real. Men never just bring you flowers as a surprise. They never just take you out to dinner. You never go to that restaurant randomly. You have to have the day to make it happen.

Sage (03:21):

I will say every time I land in Oregon to see Trojan Horse, there's flowers in the truck waiting for me.  Every time. 

Emily (03:27):

Fine, fine. I'm saying majority of the people out there.

Sage (03:31):

It's the one holiday, Valentine's Day, that he's like, I will not send you any fucking flowers. And I actually appreciate…

Emily:

It’s a boycott.

Sage:

Yeah, I appreciate the flowers on a normal, regular day more because Valentine's Day is just like a forced purchase. I'm supposed to do this. And so when you're just getting it on a normal day,

Emily (03:49):

It means more.

Sage (03:50):

It does.

Emily (03:51):

Exactly. That's my point. But for most men out there, they’re too much in their own world to realize that. And so you need the Valentine's Day to make it happen and make it whatever you want to make of it, I think. I don't know, but you would be so impressed with me back in my day when I was in my twenties before, again, I got jaded by all this bullshit. But I had the most romantic Valentine's Day ever where I was in this long distance relationship. And I thought this was the man that was going to be the love of my life when I was going to get married. And he actually ended up being the first one to break my heart. And I was on the floor crying, but whatever. He lived in Brooklyn.

(04:26):

I lived in Boston, and he was coming to Boston for the weekend, and I surprised him. So he thought we were just going to dinner at this really nice hotel. But what he didn't know is that I had gotten us a room for the night, and I had already checked in and I had decorated the whole room with all kinds of sex toys, and not just toys, but powders and feathers and edible chocolate that you smear on your body and then they can lick it off. And the whole room was filled with this and bottles of champagne. And I was wearing this really super sexy, red lingerie under my clothes at dinner. And again, he had no idea. And so we're having dinner and I flashed him a little bit of the lingerie, and I pushed the key card across the table and he was like, “check please”. And we had such a nice night. 

Sage:

See, listen…

Emily:

It was the best Valentine's Day ever, but I had to do the whole thing. 

Sage:

But again, 

Emily:

I had to plan the whole thing. He did nothing but show up.

Sage (05:23):

Again, I wear lingerie all year round. It doesn't take a special occasion to have me get sexy, feel hot, and get fucked. So I don't know what Valentine's Day… 

Emily

Every day is Valentine's Day in Sage’s world!  Yeah!

Sage:

Right? And so listen, if I treat myself like that on a regular, that's a nice life.

Emily (05:46):

Yeah. It is, it is. Yeah.  So men take note out there every day is Valentine's Day when you are dating a goddess like Sage and myself.

Sage (05:56):

And bring the chocolates on any day.

Emily (05:59):

Any day!

Sage (05:59):

Any day.

Emily (06:00):

This is where it's so easy, I think, for men is like, I don't know a single woman out there that would be upset or not impressed if you just showed up on a random day with chocolates or flowers or anything like dinner. Yeah. Why not? Every day is a day to celebrate.

Sage (06:17):

Maybe these men's ladies would want to put on lingerie more frequently if they were getting flowers and chocolate. 

Emily:

Little inspiration. 

Sage:

Yes. Like what you do on Valentine's Day, do that every day and maybe you'll get more lucky.

Emily (06:30):

Yeah. Maybe, maybe. Yeah. I don't know. I've recently, so that was my story of what Valentine's Day was like in my twenties when I was still gunning to be married and still believed in all of this. But the Valentine's Day when I was going through my separation, so I had left my husband, we were separated, but we were not yet divorced yet. And Valentine's Day comes around and I get a text message from him that's like, Hey, I'm going to come over and have sex. And I'm like, wait, what? So we had just skipped all the romance part, no lingerie, no flowers, nothing. And he said it was because his therapist told him it would be healthy if the two of us had sex on Valentine's Day. I was like, excuse me?

Sage (07:15):

What a loser.

Emily (07:16):

We're going through a separation right now. We're going through a divorce and you think this is quote, unquote healthy?

Sage (07:21):

No.

Emily (07:22):

Anyway, I was weak in that moment, and so I let him come over because it’s Valentine's Day, you know?  And it's my first one post-marriage.  And we're actually still technically married.  Anyway, he brought over a burrito and he's sitting on my couch eating a fucking burrito, and I'm just sitting there watching him eat the burrito.

Sage (07:39):

Such a bro move.

Emily (07:40):

I know.  He stops eating. And then he looks at me and he's like, oh, did you want a bite? And I'm like, what the fuck, bro? You don't even bring me dinner. You think you're just going to bang me and leave and that's healthy?

Sage (07:53):

And offer me a bite?

Emily (07:55):

Yeah.  So after that,

Sage (07:55):

I would been like, get the fuck out of here.

Emily (07:57):

Yeah. After that, it's like Valentine's has been dead to me and I've completely embraced Galentine's.

Sage (08:02):

And we have a Galentine's date coming up, you and I.

Emily (08:05):

W do! So Sage and Emily have a Galentine's date. I bought the tickets. We're going to go see my absolute favorite band in the world called Scarlet Opera. They're the best.

Sage (08:14):

This is my third outing with you to see them, by the way.

Emily (08:16):

I know. I know. I've only seen them with you.

Sage (08:18):

You're right.

Emily (08:19):

You’re my date!  You're my Scarlet Opera date.

Sage (08:21):

We did get our former friend to go to one of the shows.

Emily (08:23):

Yeah, well sorta. 

Sage:

Whatever.

Emily:

Yeah. But yeah, no, they are the best. And I would absolutely love to spend my Valentine's Day with you and these boys. It's going to be a great night.

Sage (08:33):

And we're going to sit in a lot of traffic before we arrive. 

Emily (08:33):

Well, whatever. It's fine. We'll have a good time.

Sage (08:39):

We'll take Waymo or an Uber.

Emily (08:40):

Yeah, we'll figure it out. It's all good. We'll go early and just hang out. And I can't remember the name of the club, but we will let all of you guys know because it's going to be a fun night because Galentine’s honestly has been one of the best Valentine’s I’ve had. I've been celebrating Galentine's now for years, and I have experienced the evolution of Galentines of what happens when slowly one by one, your girlfriends couple up, and then Galentine’s suddenly shifts to February 13th, and then they have Galentine’s, and then they also have Valentine's. And then you're like, wait a minute. The whole point of OG Galentine’s was that you're not alone on Valentine's Day as a single girl. But this year we are doing Galentine’s on the actual day.

Sage (09:24):

You might be my first Galentine date because usually it's my kids.

Emily (09:29):

Oh, well, yeah, your daughter’s your Galentine.  100%. 

Sage (09:32):

And my son, I'd be home with them just to cook dinner and get them a little basket of candies and cute little socks, or…

Emily (09:39):

Yeah.  Exactly. Exactly. I wonder if I'll actually call my nieces this year and she'll be my Galentine.

Sage (09:44):

Yeah, that's sweet.

Emily (09:45):

She is.  In real life, she is my Galentine.

Sage (09:47):

I know she is, you guys are close. 

Emily:

Yeah. 

Lauren:

So Emily, it seems that our Valentine's stories are pretty basic.

Emily (09:53):

Yeah.

Sage (09:54):

Nothing too raunchy, just.. 

Emily (09:57):

Especially for us.  Sorry, listeners. Our Valentine's are just like blah.

Sage (10:00):

So we had to find some different resources to bring in a little bit more excitement to Valentine's stories and love.

Emily (10:06):

Yes, we want some wild stories.  Yes.

Sage (10:07):

So our producer here, Jeremy, has a very special Valentine's story that's wild, kinky, fucking weird. And it's with him and his friend, Sara.

Emily (10:21):

Say hello to the fans, Jeremy.

Jeremy (10:23):

Hello. Hello. Hello. Thank you for having me today.

Emily (10:25):

Of course. So Watch Me Do It family, this is our producer, Jeremy. He's always here with us, even though you don't know that. And today we took him from behind the scenes and we threw him on the mic for better or for worse.

Sage (10:37):

Loving the fact that he's joined us. His voice is so hot on the microphone.

Emily (10:42):

Hell, yeah.

Sage (10:42):

Who would've known? And initially when I met Jeremy, I was like, I would rather fuck him than start a podcast.  But… 

Emily:

And I was like, no, business first, Sage, business first.

Sage:

Right.  And now that we're family. 

Emily:

Seriously. 

Sage:

He's like my brother's age, and we're just all good.

Emily (10:59):

And it's all good. Yeah. No fucking Sage.

Sage (11:01):

But you know what, listeners enjoy his voice, like I’m enjoying.

Emily (11:04):

Yes.  So Jeremy,

Sage (11:05):

Take it away, honey.

Emily (11:06):

Tell us about this wild Valentine's that you and Sara had. It was a little while ago, wasn't it?

Jeremy (11:11):

Yeah, it was a while ago. We had these bougie cupcakes and they had mushrooms inside of them that we got from a dealer.

Emily (11:29):

Okay. Okay. So where in LA do you get mushroom cupcakes? Please tell me, because I need to impress DJ Shrooms.

Sage (11:37):

Wait, can I interject here because I know exactly what Jeremy's talking about.

Emily (11:41):

Yes.

Sage (11:42):

Is it Sprinkles Cupcakes, honey?

Jeremy (11:44):

Yes.

Sage (11:45):

Yes. Okay. 

Emily:

Wait, wait. What are sprinkle cupcakes? 

Sage:

Let me tell you. So they're at my daughter's first birthday party at the Peninsula Hotel.

Emily (11:52):

Ohhhh, okay.

Sage (11:53):

And it's a Sprinkles Cupcakes started in Beverly Hills about 2008 to 2010. And it was this extraordinary, poshy cupcake.

Emily (12:04):

Oh, I was thinking it was like a weed brownie that they went to some dude who lives in the garage of his mom's house, and he was making cupcakes, and the sprinkles were like, Molly.

Sage (12:14):

No, so far from it. 

Emily (12:15):

No? I'm off.

Sage (12:15):

So this is taking… 

Emily:

I’m from the East Coast. 

Jeremy:

No, no wrong. 

Sage:

This is taking a cute little Beverly Hills shop that's well to do - Sprinkle Cupcakes. 

Emily:

Ok, so you have these Sprinkle Cupcakes, but how did the shrooms get in them?

Jeremy (12:28):

So that's what this story goes when you add the dealer. I wanted to make it sound nice because you’re doing drugs.  

Emily (12:34):

Jeremy. It's this podcast like, hello, welcome to Watch Me Do It.

Jeremy (12:39):

I know it's raw. We like it raw, but I want to make sure that we don't want to sound like a drug addict.

Sage(12:46):

So you have to throw the cute cupcakes in.

Jeremy (12:48):

Cute cupcakes. But let me tell you, it was, 

Emily (12:50):

It was Valentine's. It was Valentine's.

Jeremy (12:51):

And you have to have the cupcakes.

Emily (12:52):

You got to have the cupcakes.

Jeremy (12:53):

But don't do that. It was the worst case scenario, and it was awful. made the cupcakes taste like shit and not like I know what shit tastes like.

Emily (13:01):

Really? Well, so what did the shrooms look like? Because as we know, I don't do drugs and I need to be educated on this.

Sage (13:08):

Neither does Sage. Surprisingly.

Jeremy (13:13):

That is actually a big surprise.

Sage (13:14):

I know, right?  Totally.  Agreed.

Jeremy (13:18):

DJ Shrooms.

Emily (13:19):

That's mine. 

Sage:

That's Emily.  

Emily:

DJ Shrooms in my house - woo!

Sage:

She might be on shrooms before me. 

Emily (13:22):

This is why I have to know what it looks like.  Just in case.

Sage:

Yeah, yeah.

Jeremy:

Well, DJ Shrooms. Okay. So what it is, it's actually mushrooms, but they're dried out, so they dry 'em out and they look like a mushroom. I mean, but it's just super dry.

Emily (13:36):

Like I'm shopping at Whole Foods, basically. 

Sage (13:40):

How does it taste?

Jeremy (13:40):

No, no, no. It's super dry. I mean, looks like,

Sage (13:42):

Did you try it pure on its own, or only packed into the Sprinkles Cupcakes?

Jeremy (13:48):

No, my friend's like, dude, it's awful. You don't want to have it, you want to have it mixed with something. And it was still awful.  

Emily (13:53):

You would think the earthy would mix well with the sweet. 

Sage:

Yeah, good point. 

Emily:

No, no

Jeremy (13:59):

It was complete, I mean…

Emily (14:00):

It was still awful.

Jeremy (14:02):

I can't describe what the taste was like, but it was just horrible. You just wanted to,

Sage (14:05):

So you had to cover it up, you needed something sweet, mix it up. 

Emily:

Yeah,

Jeremy (14:09):

Ate it as quick as I can.

Emily (14:10):

You had to throw back the cupcake.

Jeremy (14:12):

No, I just, as quick as I can.

Sage (14:12):

How about this, can you do a shot of vodka and then shove a shroom down your throat?

Jeremy (14:17):

People do that. Yeah, they do microdosing and they actually do that. Yeah.

Sage (14:21):

What's the difference between microdosing and just taking shrooms? How do you determine the difference?

Jeremy (14:25):

Well, microdosing is actually, well, you base it off your tolerance. So microdosing is kind of the medical term of it. So it's almost like doing marijuana. You have your certain tolerance for it. So that's pretty much what that is.

Emily:

Interesting.

Sage (14:38):

So then you just take it closely and slowly as your body can consume it and know your parameters.

Emily (14:46):

No, no. What I'm hearing, Sage is you just shove the cupcake down your throat and you call it a day.

Sage (14:50):

Micro. It sounds small. 

Emily:

It is small.

Sage:

And then just taking a shroom sounds like we're going for it.

Jeremy (14:55):

Yeah, well, we wanted to get the full effect, so we don't, the guy was like, you were like,

Emily (15:00):

It's Valentine's. Let's fucking have a shroom cupcake.  I like it.

Jeremy (15:03):

And the guy told me a story that sounded amazing. He sold it. He sold it to me. So I was like, I want to buy it, but I want to buy it. I want to see what this feels like. He was like, you can microdose it if you want to. And I'm like, ah, I think I just want to get the full effect. He's like, yeah, you shouldn’t, I don't, don't recommend that. But I'm like, you know what, it's Valentine's Day and I just want to have a great time.

Emily (15:30):

And so you had the Sprinkles Cupcakes already, and then you went to buy the shrooms?

Jeremy (15:34):

No,

Sage (15:34):

No, they mixed them.

Jeremy (15:35):

He said, make sure you get something good because this is awful.

Emily: (15:39):

Oh, so you got the shrooms first. 

Sage (15:40):

No, they get Sprinkles first in Beverly Hills. 

Emily:

No, listen. 

Jeremy (15:43):

Yeah. So we went to, he was with us, so we went to…

Sage (15:48):

Oh!  Okay.  So your dealer is guiding you through Los Angeles, how to take shrooms appropriately.

Emily:

Third wheeling Valentine’s!

Sage:

Nice!

Jeremy (15:53):

You'll call him a doctor. He's like a doctor of drugs.

Sage (16:00):

That is like first class service of shrooms.  

Jeremy (16:02):

He just knew what to do.

Emily (16:03):

Okay wait.  When we get off the air, I need this man's number because this will impress DJ shrooms like none other. 

Sage (16:07):

Oh, good idea. 

Emily;

Yes, yes, yes. 

Sage:

I take him to Sprinkles in Beverly Hills, it still exists.

Emily:

Here we go.

Sage:

It's not closed. It's still open. 

Emily:

This is going to be our fourth date right here. 

Sage:

Okay, cool. Carry on, Jeremy. Sorry.

Jeremy (16:17):

No, no worries.

Sage (16:18):

We’re excited.

Jeremy (16:19):

So yeah, we went to Sprinkles and he's like, okay, we got the little boxes and we're excited.

Emily (16:28):

What did the dealer look like? Did he look like a homeless person? Are you bringing a homeless person into a nice cupcake place?

Sage (16:36):

No, no. When you’re a dealer you're like a pimp in a suit and nice shoes.

Emily:

Ok, he blended in in Beverly Hills, okay okay.

Jeremy (16:39):

No, he blended in perfectly fine.  He was chill.

Sage (16:41):

They have money.

Jeremy (16:42):

You would never know they’re a dealer.

Emily (16:43):

Okay.  Alright.

Sage:

They have nice cars. They have nice clothes. 

Emily:

Okay, gotcha.

Jeremy (16:46):

So he was like, yeah, this is how you do it. So we grabbed this, we put it all together and he was like, alright. He's like, hopefully you can enjoy it. And it was awful. It was horrible. And he is like, just chew it. Just keep chewing. So I'm not trying to throw it up. So I consume the whole thing. And he was like, okay, now it's the waiting game.

Emily (17:10):

Okay.

Jeremy (17:11):

I'm like, what does that mean? He's like, people have different waiting games. It can be 30 minutes. It can be… it’s just how fast your stomach can process something.

Emily (17:17):

Oh, Jesus. 

Sage:

For your metabolism, right? 

Emily:

It keeps you on the toes, for sure.

Sage:

Depending on what you ate, drank throughout the day and how it's going to metabolize into your system. 

Emily:

Okay.

Sage:

Slow, quick. Yeah. Gotcha.

Emily:

Okay.

Jeremy (17:28):

And I did it with my friend, so….

Emily (17:30):

Yeah, your date

Jeremy (17:31):

Sarah, yeah, my date, actually. So we decided to do it together. So we went back to go hang out at her place, and I was like, I'm not feeling anything.

Emily (17:43):

Didn’t you go to a restaurant though first?  I thought you guys went out to dinner. 

Sage:

Because it was taking so long for it to metabolize.

Jeremy (17:49):

No, that was afterwards. I played basketball first. 

Sage (17:52):

Oh, gotcha.

Jeremy (17:53):

And then I was hungry.

Sage (17:55):

Perfect. Makes sense.

Emily (17:56):

You're such a dude on Valentine’s Day.

Sage (17:57):

That's how men work, bro. 

Emily (18:02):

I'm going to go play like sweetie, just wait for me. Jesus. Jeremy.

Sage (18:03):

Well, she's on shrooms too, so she's probably like ok, whatever. 

Emily:

Ok, ok alright.

Jeremy (18:08):

So then we went out to eat dinner, and then afterwards, normally they say, don't eat food when you're consuming something like that because it's going to not balance it out properly. And so then we go back to the place and she's just staring at me. She's like, I don't fucking feel anything. This is stupid. I don't feel anything. I'm like, neither do I. So we called the doctor, we're like, what the fuck, dude? Is this real?

Sage (18:36):

You mean when you say doctor by your dealer? 

Emily:

The dealer, yeah.  Dr. Dealer.

Jeremy (18:38):

Yeah. The dealer.  It’s like Dr. Dealer.

Sage:

Dr. Dealer.  Oh, news to me!

Jeremy:

He's like, do you want to microdose it? How much? What's your tolerance level like? I'm like, my God, I feel like I’m at a doctor.  

Emily (18:48):

Sage, this is LA.  It’s like wellness is incorporated into everything.  

Sage:

You’re right.

Jeremy (18:52):

You had a question. And he had an answer. 

Emily (18:55):

Of course he did.

Jeremy (18:56):

We called him. We're like, dude, what the fuck is this… 

Sage (19:00):

Normal? 

Jeremy:

Normal? Is this fake shit? Where you get this from? Is this from some fucking lab that's awful? And he's like, dude, it's the best shit ever, I promise you. And I'm like, no, I don't believe you. It's been some time now. And he's like, all right, dude. I was like, he's like, you won't be calling me later. I was like, okay, whatever that means. So click 20 minutes go. And I'm like, I'm going to go shower. So I go to the shower, I come out and I'm looking at myself in the fucking mirror and I'm starting to have dialogue with myself. I just felt like it was a different person. So I'm looking at myself and then I'm just looking and I'm like, why the fuck am I talking to myself? So then someone was visiting and he was a friend. He was at the house, he was just visiting and he heard me talking in the fucking restroom. He was like, dude, I'm trying to fucking piss. Get the fuck out. Who are you talking to? And I'm like, what? He's like, who are you talking to? I'm like, my buddy. He's like…

Emily (20:05):

My buddy, ha ha ha.

Jeremy (20:07):

He’s like, dude. He's like, what? So he opens the door and I'm like, and he finally has had enough and I didn't lock the door. So he opens up and he's looks at me and I'm literally staring at myself and I'm looking at my pupils and they're fucking dilated. And I'm just talking to myself and he's like, dude, what the fuck? What is going on? And he's like, well, why are you talking to yourself? I'm like, dude, you have no idea. He's like, no, no shit. I don't know what's going on. You're talking to yourself. And it's just kind of weird. So then I'm like, dude, just leave me alone. He's like, I don't know what the fuck you did, but that's some weird shit. So then I'm tripping. So I'm like, oh shit, Sarah, I need to go check up on her. She was not even, we had food and she went to go do her own thing. She was watching Netflix or something, and I went to go shower. So I am looking for her. She's not around. And then I go to the bedroom and the shit that I saw was really weird. I opened the door, I just hear moaning and shit. I'm like, this is my fucking date. 

Emily:

Like who else is here? 

Jeremy:

I was like, who is she fucking? So I was like, what is…

Sage (21:21):

Were you like, is this a sneak attack?  Like she had another guy come through.

Jeremy (21:25):

I was like, I'm over here talking to my other imaginary friend over here. And then I have her over here. So I open the door and she's all over this fucking teddy bear. It was like, I kid you not, the biggest teddy bear I've ever seen. It's huge. You can get it at Costco. It's one of those teddy bears that you win at the fucking carnival. Like the big, big ones.

Sage (21:44):

Like three to four feet?

Jeremy (21:45):

Yes.

Sage (21:45):

That's half human.

Emily:

Okay.

Jeremy (21:46):

She's like four… I think she's like four nine. So it's like,

Emily:

Oh my God, she’s shorter than you, Sage.  

Jeremy:

So it's like a perfect match.

Sage (21:54):

Perfect fit, yeah.

Emily:

Perfect couple.

Jeremy (21:55):

So she's like fucking this thing. And I'm looking at her, I'm like, Sara, what the fuck? And she's like, what the fuck? Get the fuck out of here, Jeremy. Don't you fucking see me busy? I'm like, what?

Sage (22:10):

Awkward.

Jeremy (22:10):

I’m like, it's a fucking bear. She's like, he is not a bear. He is like Panzas. That's his name. He has a name. And he was treating me right.

Emily (22:18):

What does that stand for?

Jeremy (22:18):

So panza means stomach. So big stomachs in Spanish.

Emily:

Big stomach teddy bear.

Sage (22:22):

So cute teddy bear had a big stomach.

Emily:

And he swooped in. 

Sage:

You know what I like about that? All these man dads have man bods.

Emily:

Dad bods!  Dad bods.

Sage:

Thank you. Exactly.

Emily (22:34):

Big teddy Bear had a dad bod, but she loved it.

Sage (22:36):

Yes.

Emily (22:37):

So when Sara was telling us the story, she was saying that what was going through her head is like the teddy bear stood up and started talking to her. She was waiting for Jeremy to come out of the shower.

Sage (22:45):

Because we spoke to her the other day about her whole story.

Emily (22:47):

Yeah, we were like, what the fuck, Sara? And she was literally like the bear sat up and then he said, you're beautiful girl. Just relax.

Sage (22:53):

And let me take care of you.

Emily (22:54):

And we were like, we love this. Why don't we all have a giant teddy bear that does this? 

Sage:

And then Emily was like, what a gentleman of a teddy bear. 

Emily:

Yeah, I was like, I want this teddy bear on my Valentine's Day. Like what the fuck? 

Sage:

So clearly…

Emily:

And then he seduced her, gave her a massage.

Sage (23:06):

Yes.

Emily (23:07):

To the extent that she started humping… 

Sage (23:09):

Jeremy -  

Emily:

And came off, she said.

Sage:

Clearly the teddy bear had more moves than you could have ever had that night on Valentine's on shrooms.

Jeremy (23:17):

That fucking bear made her fucking cream.

Sage (23:20):

She was humping it.

Jeremy (23:21):

She creamed all over the damn teddy bear’s stomach.

Emily (23:25):

Okay, so Sage,

Jeremy (23:25):

I mean, I looked at the teddy bear and said, wow,

Emily (23:28):

Our Galentine’s Day plans have now changed. We are going to ditch our concert. 

Sage:

Should we go to Costco and find the big teddy bear? 

Emily:

And instead we're going to go to Costco, and find teddy bears, and I'll see you later.

Sage (23:35):

If we put on g-strings and we just hump our own teddy bears and put that on,

Emily (23:40):

It could be better than a Womanizer. I'm not sure.

Sage (23:42):

No. 

Emily:

I think you need the shrooms.

Jeremy (23:44):

Because you want it to talk back to you, right? You want the bear to tell you he loves you.

Sage (23:49):

Ok, we need shrooms, Womanizer, teddy bear.

Emily:

Damn girl.

Sage:

And Only Fans. And we're going to make like $30,000 in one fucking night.

Jeremy (23:58):

There is a thing for that. 

Sage:

I'm not kidding. 

Jeremy:

There is a thing for that. 

Sage:

I know. 

Jeremy:

I know there are people that they love that people fuck stuffed animals. It's kind of weird.

Sage (24:06):

Yes.  It’s true.

Emily:

Oh, it’s like a fetish. 

Sage:

Yes.

Jeremy:

Oh, a hundred percent. 

Sage:

You make a lot of money, babe.

Jeremy (24:09):

Watch me do it. You guys will make so much money.

Emily (24:10):

Oh!

Sage:

Watch me do it. I'll do it. 

Emily:

Oh. Oh.  Oh my gosh. This took a turn.

Jeremy (24:14):

That's exclusive content. That's your exclusive content right there.

Sage:

That is.  That’s Valentine exclusive content.  

Emily (24:18):

So our Valentine's went from really boring to super spicy. I can't even keep up. But, but but, I will say our friend Amy, your friend Amy, Sage, her Valentine's Day last year might take the cake. We'll have to have the listeners vote in if it was Sara with the Costco teddy bear, or if it was Amy.

Sage (24:39):

Yeah, Amy's story's awesome.

Emily (24:42):

Yes it is.

Sage (24:42):

So she was dating this doctor for somewhat of a short time, maybe three months.

Emily (24:49):

It had been like, yeah, four months or so by the time Valentine's rolled around.  Enough, they were in a relationship. They were in an exclusive relationship. I think that's important to say.

Sage (24:57):

Yeah, he's divorced. 

Emily:

Yes. They all are.

Sage:

He has two to three kids. He has a minivan. How hot is that? 

Emily:

You know I don't like that. 

Sage:

Of course not. That's why I'm throwing that in there. Okay, anyways.  He takes her out for Valentine dinner, which is great.

Emily (25:12):

Yeah, classic.

Sage (25:13):

Brings her back home.  They have a couple more margaritas.  I think maybe hit the hot tub or something cute.  

Emily (25:22):

Maybe.

Sage (25:23):

And then later they hook up, of course. And obviously feeling the vibes and the sexual romantic part of Valentine's Day and he puts his dick in her ass.

Emily (25:37):

Oh, he just slips it up there.

Sage (25:38):

For the first time since they've been dating.

Emily (25:41):

I remember she was like, it came as such a shock. They didn't talk about it. It was just all of a sudden his penis was in her butt.

Sage (25:46):

Correct. But she didn't deny it. She was kind of open to it. Let's see what happens. It's a special holiday for sex.

Emily (25:54):

She was thinking of it as, I want to move our relationship forward. And anal is such a big intimate thing.

Sage (26:02):

Absolutely.

Emily (26:03):

And it's Valentine, so she took all this meaning into it.

Sage (26:06):

Agreed. So I would like to say for a lot of women out there that for me and Emily personally, it's a big deal.

Emily:

Noooo 

Sage:

For me it is.

Emily (26:17):

We've talked about this. I'm a third grade teacher and I don't care. I've done anal on a one night stand, like whatever. 

Sage (26:22):

I'm like the craziest sex person ever.

Emily (26:24):

And you agree with Amy, that anal is super intimate.

Sage (26:27):

Yes. I've only had it with two people in all of my sex history.

Emily (26:31):

I don't know. I think if it's in the mood and it feels good and you're just doing whatever, and who cares?  For me I'm like, whatever.

Sage (26:37):

No, it's too private.

Emily (26:38):

Well, that's how Amy felt. And so what happened on her Valentine's Day…

Sage (26:42):

Okay, so she takes it up the ass, it's super private for her, it's a big deal.  And then he doesn't call her…

Emily (26:45):

Or text, or anything.

Sage (26:46):

Right, for four consecutive days.

Emily (26:53):

Four days.

Sage (26:54):

So then it makes her feel like god awful shit that she gave her body in a different way than she would ever give to another man.

Emily (27:02):

Yeah, she was really upset.

Sage (27:02):

And she opened up a different hole besides the mouth and the vage.

Emily (27:05):

On Valentine's.

Sage (27:07):

Exactly. And then not be like, Hey, that was so great last night, 

Emily:

Nothing.

Sage:

Or I really enjoyed it. How are you doing?  That hurts.

Emily (27:14):

So I will say this in defense of my one night stands, it's like they always texted me the next day being like, Hey girl. And I'd be like, yeah, that's right. You want it again? Yeah no, it’s not going to happen.  

Sage (27:23):

Well, for her, it was such an intimate, romantic moment that she really put herself out there. And I agree with it. I would've been, fuck you, don't call me again. You're a dick. Not going to happen again.

Emily (27:38):

Well, okay, so here's the thing that happened to this certain gentleman that tells the listeners what a character he is, or what kind of character he has.  

Sage (27:43):

He's a piece of shit.

Emily (27:44):

Let me put it that way.

Sage (27:45):

And I hope he got shit out of her ass.

Emily (27:46):

On this same Valentine’s… well, he did get shit, but in a different way.

Sage (27:49):

Okay.

Emily (27:49):

On this same Valentine’s while he's putting it up our friend's butt. Somebody, we don't know who,

Sage (27:57):

An ex clearly

Emily (27:59):

Breaks into his car,

Sage (28:00):

His minivan,

Emily (28:01):

His stupid SUV, whatever the fuck it was, 

Sage:

Minivan, 

Emily:

Minivan, Honda, I don't know, breaks into it and leaves a pile of human shit on his console.

Sage (28:09):

Feces.  Human feces on his console.

Emily (28:11):

On Valentine’s Day.

Sage (28:12):

Of his minivan. Isn't that cute? Yes. 

Emily:

While he’s doing anal.

Sage:

Happy Valentine's Day. Yes!

Emily:

This guy is a winner. Winning.

Sage:

And he's a doctor.  Oh my God. 

Emily (28:24):

So friends out there, Watch Me Do It family, you decide was Sarah's humping of a giant Costco teddy bear on shrooms more exciting and wild and scandalous,

Sage (28:36):

Than a doctor, 

Emily (28:37):

Than Amy getting it up the ass with the doctor who then gets shit left on his console?

Sage (28:42):

In his minivan.

Emily (28:43):

And meanwhile, Sage and I are off doing our… 

Sage:

Sweet, wholesome, little, 

Emily:

Bambi. 

Sage:

I know. How do we not show up for this? Everyone else did but us. 

Emily:

Well, I don't know. Valentine's Day is only a few days away. So maybe 2025 Sage.  Maybe this is our year.

Sage (28:57):

You know what, I'm living Valentine's Day every day with fresh flowers, lingerie and chocolates.

Emily (29:01):

There you go.

Sage (29:02):

Can't beat that.

Emily (29:03):

Can't beat that. That is for sure. So with that, Watch Me Do It family, thank you so much for tuning in. We hope that you have a Valentine's Day that is planned and exciting. And if it's not, who the fuck cares? You do you and you have a great day.

Sage (29:25):

Go for your Galentine’s.

Emily (29:26):

That's what I do. 

Sage:

Don't forget that. 

Emily:

Go for the Galentine’s. 

Sage:

Emily and I have our Galentine’s setup.  

Emily (29:30):

But we want to hear from you. So let us know. Do you have a Valentine's Day horror story? How do you feel about the Big V Day? Let us know. Send us a DM on Instagram. We are at @watchmedoitpodcast or at our website watchmedoitpodcast.com. We love to hear from you always. And please make sure to hit that subscribe button today so you never miss a beat on the Watch Me Do It journey.

Sage (29:53):

And let us know what you think about how hot Jeremy, our producer's voice is. 

Emily (29:57):

We love you Jeremy.  Thank you Jeremy.

Sage (29:59):

Thank you for joining us.

Jeremy (30:00):

I had such a blast. Thank you so much for letting me tell my story.

Sage (30:04):

Happy Valentine's Day. 

Emily:

Happy Valentine’s!

Sage:

And thank you for being our third wheel, so to speak. And cheers ‘till next Tuesday. 

Emily:

Cheers. Bye gang. 

Sage:

Bye!