5. Dating Red Flags & Green Flags: The ultimate guide to smart dating

Deeper understanding of Red and Green Flags

1. Define what red flags are: behaviors or traits that signal potential for unhealthy or toxic relationships. 
   • They mirror back what you are subconsciously allowing, desiring or “needing.”
   • Before pointing fingers, the true Queen observes the red flag in her field and recognizes that if it wasn’t a shadow aspect of her, she would not be experiencing it. From there, she can decide what to do about it. Stay and transform within herself to back her boundaries, or Leave and transform herself to no longer attract that experience.
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Define green flags: positive behaviors that indicate a partner is likely to support a healthy, nurturing connection.

1. These reflect a more healed, authentic, empowered and high-value within you.

Common Red Flags in Dating

• Highlight several major red flags:
• Fast Pursuit of Sex (You’ll disrespect yourself)
• Inconsistent Communication: When they regularly cancel, ghost, or don’t follow through. (You’ll take on that load of responsibility)
• Lack of Accountability: Avoidance of responsibility or refusal to admit mistakes. (You’ll doubt yourself)
• Disrespect of Boundaries: Ignoring or dismissing personal boundaries. (You’ll lose confidence in your truth)
• Intense Jealousy or Possessiveness: Signs of controlling behavior. (You’ll lose trust in yourself)
• Gaslighting: Manipulating or denying reality, leaving you questioning your own perception. (You’ll lose yourself)
• Emotional Unavailability: not able to say “I love you,” open his heart, get vulnerable/share your past, feelings and pains. (They will eventually sabotage: Set you free)
• Insecurity: Expressing “You’re too good for me.” “I don’t know why you’re with a guy like me.” “I”m afraid someday you’ll leave me for someone else.” “You’re out of my league.” (They’ll push you away bc they don’t feel worthy of you.)
• ***(HARD ONE TO ADMIT) Intense emotions within yourself: anxiety, need, obsession, incessant thinking about him, fixation on the text/call frequency, obsessing on his whereabouts
• The importance of trusting intuition when these red flags appear.
• The importance of assessing beliefs: Do you believe most men are “red flag men?” Your beliefs about men represent and reflect your beliefs about yourself and what you’re worthy of.
• Positive Green Flags to Look For

List green flags that signal a healthy partner:

1. • Consistent, Healthy, Clear Communication: They openly express thoughts and feelings and listen actively.
   • Respect for Boundaries: Honoring boundaries without pushing or challenging them.
   • Genuine Interest and Support: They show enthusiasm about your goals and encourage your growth.
   • Accountability and Self-Reflection: Willingness to own up to mistakes and grow from them.
   • Respect for Personal Space and Independence: They support your individuality and value time apart.
   • Easy expression of feelings:
   • Confidence/life purpose:

Focus on these traits to create a foundation for a lasting relationship. First, you have to hold yourself to the same standards

• You can’t expect someone to exude qualities that you don’t.
• How to Assess for Red and Green Flags in Early Dating
• Most teachers would say….Share strategies for gauging compatibility without judgment, like asking open-ended questions and observing behavior. (job interview)
• I say…..Turn the mirror onto yourself also. Notice his behavior but ALSO how you (your body) reacts to it. What patterns are arising in you? Do you feel anxious or calm? Do you feel desperation or safety?
• Understand you’re merging two lives and that’s a messy process, so don’t be TOO picky about small stuff. 
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