WEBVTT 00:00:04.099 --> 00:00:05.339 Well, G'day everyone. 00:00:05.349 --> 00:00:08.990 It's a great privilege to join you on the podcast. 00:00:09.019 --> 00:00:13.910 I literally started this podcast like I do at our church at Canopy Gardens. 00:00:14.369 --> 00:00:15.449 If you're joining us, welcome. 00:00:15.460 --> 00:00:16.300 My name is Shabu. 00:00:16.350 --> 00:00:20.780 I have the joy of serving at Canopy Gardens Community Church, a church in the outer east of Melbourne. 00:00:21.379 --> 00:00:37.450 Our desire and our prayer is to be a church that grows to love Jesus and his gospel and to live for him in this world and to continue to preach the gospel, not just to others who don't know Jesus, but to each other, and particularly in the seasons of joy and trial and everything in between. 00:00:38.149 --> 00:00:43.380 Now, without podcast today, a bit of a background for you and, and, uh, for those. 00:00:43.689 --> 00:00:44.280 Listening in. 00:00:44.450 --> 00:00:45.189 Anyway, keep going. 00:00:45.530 --> 00:00:47.170 So the background is this. 00:00:47.179 --> 00:00:53.799 So a few weeks ago, maybe a couple of weeks ago, we have a once a month night service called Word and Worship. 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:58.590 And I asked a dear friend by the name of Jess to share a bit of her testimony and her journey. 00:00:59.085 --> 00:01:04.194 And as I listened to, to her story, I thought we can't just leave it to that night service. 00:01:04.194 --> 00:01:08.795 It'd be good for particularly our church community here and anyone else who's listening in. 00:01:09.495 --> 00:01:16.344 So I met Jess for the very first time when actually through her stud of a very good looking husband. 00:01:20.105 --> 00:01:21.004 He's going to love that. 00:01:21.064 --> 00:01:21.784 Yeah, he's going to love that. 00:01:21.784 --> 00:01:25.415 So, uh, and, and, um, you know, I met Jess cause they were dating. 00:01:25.834 --> 00:01:32.805 And then in their very season of getting engaged and to, I had the privilege and joy to see them get married as well. 00:01:32.805 --> 00:01:34.775 And so welcome Jess. 00:01:34.995 --> 00:01:36.055 Thank you Shabu. 00:01:36.295 --> 00:01:39.534 I'm very excited to be here and also very nervous. 00:01:39.605 --> 00:01:40.614 Yeah, no, you'll do great. 00:01:40.644 --> 00:01:43.055 Now tell me something I've asked this before. 00:01:43.055 --> 00:01:44.625 Do you prefer Jess or Jessica? 00:01:45.004 --> 00:01:45.754 Uh, Jess. 00:01:45.915 --> 00:01:47.915 Jessica is, you're getting in trouble. 00:01:48.224 --> 00:01:48.704 You're in trouble. 00:01:50.250 --> 00:01:54.359 Um, no, so Bermie, tell us a little bit about who you are. 00:01:54.370 --> 00:01:56.829 So before meeting Tim, who was Jess? 00:01:57.310 --> 00:01:59.170 Uh, I was the. 00:01:59.814 --> 00:02:04.444 I'm the most social sibling out of my three siblings. 00:02:05.185 --> 00:02:06.495 I'm the second oldest. 00:02:07.004 --> 00:02:10.294 So I've got an older brother, younger brother, and a younger sister. 00:02:11.395 --> 00:02:15.794 And my two parents, I went to school. 00:02:15.865 --> 00:02:17.025 I had lots of. 00:02:17.094 --> 00:02:26.275 Friends, I did every single afterschool activity, uh, just anything I could get my hands on was something I would do. 00:02:26.705 --> 00:02:26.905 Yep. 00:02:27.104 --> 00:02:33.194 And then kind of after school, as much as I did not want to, I actually went to uni. 00:02:33.194 --> 00:02:33.669 Yep. 00:02:34.050 --> 00:02:36.680 I, ideally, I didn't even want to finish school. 00:02:36.689 --> 00:02:37.960 What did you want to do? 00:02:38.110 --> 00:02:38.360 What? 00:02:38.500 --> 00:02:43.969 Uh, I still wanted to do nursing, but I was convinced like nursing is so practical. 00:02:43.979 --> 00:02:46.050 Who needs to go to uni and write essays? 00:02:46.060 --> 00:02:47.469 Like that doesn't make sense. 00:02:47.469 --> 00:02:57.819 I'd rather finish in year 10 and then there was more of a TAFE style, more hands on thing, but it turns out that it takes longer if you do it that way. 00:02:57.819 --> 00:03:01.370 So I was like, right, uni it is, I'm going to uni. 00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:03.659 Um, and so that's what I did. 00:03:03.689 --> 00:03:04.349 Bye. 00:03:04.824 --> 00:03:12.395 It was originally just going to be a three year course, but I did fail a subject at one point, so it ended up being four years for me. 00:03:13.194 --> 00:03:19.365 Did you do any activities at I'm not sure if it was at uni or at school, the sport or, cause I know the story behind that. 00:03:20.094 --> 00:03:20.914 That's why I'm asking. 00:03:21.974 --> 00:03:25.905 Like I said, anything and every activity that was available to me, I would do. 00:03:25.905 --> 00:03:28.985 But yes, me and Beck, I will out her on here. 00:03:29.655 --> 00:03:30.715 Beck goes to our church. 00:03:30.724 --> 00:03:34.888 For those of you who don't know, married also to a really good looking guy by the name of Sam. 00:03:34.888 --> 00:03:41.425 Georgie Tunny we joined the Deakin cheerleading team and honestly. 00:03:41.775 --> 00:03:49.555 Um, I would still do it now if I had the fitness and the finances, it's an expensive sport, very expensive sport. 00:03:50.185 --> 00:03:51.914 Um, yeah, it was great. 00:03:51.914 --> 00:03:56.155 We did it for like a semester or two and that was, it stayed there. 00:03:57.224 --> 00:03:57.504 Okay. 00:03:59.405 --> 00:04:03.835 Um, and so fast forward, how did you meet your now husband, Timothy? 00:04:04.775 --> 00:04:10.395 Yeah, we, I feel like we've got one of those typical stories of, it was on a CYC camp. 00:04:10.465 --> 00:04:10.694 Yeah. 00:04:10.974 --> 00:04:14.664 Shout out to CYC, who's not our sponsor, but shout out to CYC Christian youth camps. 00:04:14.715 --> 00:04:15.155 Yeah. 00:04:15.155 --> 00:04:15.884 They're amazing. 00:04:15.884 --> 00:04:20.074 And I'd never really heard of them, um, didn't know what they were. 00:04:20.564 --> 00:04:23.704 And so it was on my first camp that I'd ever done. 00:04:23.704 --> 00:04:28.644 And he, I think we were like, he was the green guy leader and I was the green girl leader. 00:04:29.245 --> 00:04:30.324 Oh, how cute is that? 00:04:30.334 --> 00:04:30.584 Yep. 00:04:31.024 --> 00:04:31.345 Yep. 00:04:31.355 --> 00:04:31.375 Yeah. 00:04:31.415 --> 00:04:31.954 And. 00:04:32.024 --> 00:04:46.754 Um, we didn't speak at all, um, which is frustrating for me as someone who likes to plan and make sure I'm doing a good job and we have to work together and my partner wasn't talking to me for some weird reason. 00:04:48.464 --> 00:04:51.055 And now he said, you know, he had a bit of a crush. 00:04:51.074 --> 00:04:51.495 Did he? 00:04:51.764 --> 00:04:52.154 Okay. 00:04:52.555 --> 00:04:53.194 There you go. 00:04:53.194 --> 00:04:53.535 There you go. 00:04:53.535 --> 00:04:54.355 So he was nervous. 00:04:54.384 --> 00:04:54.795 Yeah. 00:04:54.935 --> 00:04:55.254 Okay. 00:04:55.254 --> 00:04:55.444 Yeah. 00:04:55.694 --> 00:04:59.235 So you met him there and did he ask you out or did you ask him out? 00:05:00.024 --> 00:05:04.384 Um, no, he, he definitely asked me out. 00:05:04.435 --> 00:05:04.814 Okay. 00:05:04.814 --> 00:05:04.884 Okay. 00:05:05.464 --> 00:05:09.774 He sent a text message after camp after camp. 00:05:10.555 --> 00:05:12.435 That's how the young'uns do it these days. 00:05:12.785 --> 00:05:14.125 No, but then he did the good thing. 00:05:14.134 --> 00:05:19.475 Like he asked me out, he came to my house, he met, you know, met my parents and we went on a date. 00:05:19.694 --> 00:05:20.064 Wow. 00:05:20.254 --> 00:05:20.524 Cool. 00:05:21.235 --> 00:05:23.314 And as I say, the rest is history. 00:05:23.334 --> 00:05:25.274 How long are you guys dating for? 00:05:26.375 --> 00:05:28.574 The ups and downs as much as you want to say? 00:05:28.714 --> 00:05:34.514 Yeah, no, we will say on a whole with some time apart in between. 00:05:34.939 --> 00:05:37.779 We dated for just over four years, I think. 00:05:38.019 --> 00:05:38.110 Okay. 00:05:38.129 --> 00:05:38.899 So it was quite a while. 00:05:39.160 --> 00:05:39.430 Okay. 00:05:40.180 --> 00:05:43.050 Uh, how did you, how did he ask you to marry him? 00:05:43.699 --> 00:05:48.468 Um, he picked me up in some fancy car and sorry, I don't know what it is. 00:05:48.468 --> 00:05:49.970 It was a Mustang, but yep. 00:05:50.269 --> 00:05:50.350 Yep. 00:05:50.410 --> 00:05:50.800 I remember. 00:05:51.560 --> 00:05:52.189 Um. 00:05:52.480 --> 00:05:56.620 Um, and drove me down to the beach, which is one of my favorite places. 00:05:56.620 --> 00:06:06.319 And he'd, um, recruited some friends who came in and had set up a nice little picnic area and fairy lights and a little book of memories. 00:06:06.360 --> 00:06:08.860 And it was all very, very nice. 00:06:08.860 --> 00:06:10.040 That's beautiful. 00:06:10.069 --> 00:06:10.430 Yes. 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:11.970 So by the ocean side. 00:06:12.839 --> 00:06:13.269 Nice. 00:06:13.480 --> 00:06:21.220 Um, you guys got engaged, um, and then that journey began before we jump into, before you got married. 00:06:21.459 --> 00:06:31.290 Regarding health and your health journey, were there things going on, as long as you can remember, with your health that wasn't, didn't seem right? 00:06:31.860 --> 00:06:32.410 Yes. 00:06:35.069 --> 00:06:36.060 That's an easy question. 00:06:36.100 --> 00:06:36.310 Yeah. 00:06:36.629 --> 00:06:47.610 I actually, in preparation for this, I was kind of reminiscing, or not reminiscing, but thinking back to me and specifically my health journey. 00:06:47.930 --> 00:06:50.290 And the one that we'll focus on today is more. 00:06:50.319 --> 00:07:00.319 Um, in recent times, but just for a little bit of perspective, my first biggish illness started when I was nine years old. 00:07:00.370 --> 00:07:00.800 Oh, wow. 00:07:01.089 --> 00:07:01.370 Yep. 00:07:01.529 --> 00:07:15.790 So I spent two years, so up until I was about 11, where I had this weird illness that no one could work out and I was missing school and I was underweight and I wasn't growing the way I was meant to be growing and, um, yeah, missing school camps. 00:07:15.790 --> 00:07:17.050 That was a big deal for me. 00:07:17.050 --> 00:07:21.220 Um, and I mean, it turned out to be celiac disease, which no one. 00:07:21.644 --> 00:07:23.745 Back then, knew what it was. 00:07:23.944 --> 00:07:28.855 And when my GP told me that I thought, Oh my gosh, disease. 00:07:29.074 --> 00:07:31.125 I'm nine, like nine or 10 or 11. 00:07:31.144 --> 00:07:34.185 One of those, you know, I've just been told I've got a disease. 00:07:34.185 --> 00:07:37.404 I'm going to have to wear a hazmat suit and no one's going to be allowed to touch me. 00:07:37.435 --> 00:07:41.524 And I shouldn't laugh, but I can imagine as a nine year old, that's pretty extreme. 00:07:41.524 --> 00:07:41.894 Yeah. 00:07:41.894 --> 00:07:47.305 Like I was sitting next to my mom and I kind of moved away cause I didn't want to give her this disease. 00:07:47.545 --> 00:07:49.024 Like I, you know, I didn't understand. 00:07:49.464 --> 00:08:15.615 What it was, but so for many, many years, I did struggle because then since then I got more food allergies and like food allergies compared to what we're going to talk about, they're not that bad, but when that's the first thing and you're young and you can't eat anything and you get parties, you're scared to touch the food and you know, there's so many things and so much illness that comes with trial and error. 00:08:15.925 --> 00:08:23.795 Um, and the months that it took to work out what it actually was until that happened, I was very, very unwell. 00:08:23.795 --> 00:08:36.764 And then I kind of had this like nice little couple of years, uh, before I got into some of the more serious, uh, or I would call more serious, uh, health issues. 00:08:37.684 --> 00:08:46.475 And so to answer your question around about the time when Tim and I were dating, I was definitely struggling with what we now know. 00:08:47.120 --> 00:09:07.500 As endometriosis, but back then I just thought, Oh, I've got either I've got terribly bad periods or I'm a big baby because every, you know, I'm at the age, all your school friends have them, they're able to do all these things I can't, so it's one of the, something's either wrong. 00:09:07.950 --> 00:09:09.330 Or I'm just not good with pain. 00:09:10.309 --> 00:09:19.759 So for those, uh, so if I was going to talk to my 13 year old son and, uh, he, you know, in class or something here, he sees the words in ND, I can't even say it properly. 00:09:19.759 --> 00:09:25.559 So I'll say the, the word that I've learned, which is endo, everyone says, what, what, what would you describe it as? 00:09:25.559 --> 00:09:25.960 What is it? 00:09:26.419 --> 00:09:31.600 Um, I think the, in the most basic terms, people describe it as. 00:09:32.279 --> 00:09:38.309 You know, the way women will shed this lining, that's what you would call the bleed or your period. 00:09:38.879 --> 00:09:45.570 Um, there's cells similar to that, that start to grow outside of the uterus. 00:09:45.809 --> 00:09:48.200 So they can kind of, it can kind of grow anywhere. 00:09:48.200 --> 00:09:56.720 I mean, I've read about people who've done studies and they've found it like in the brain or in the lungs or on your diaphragm. 00:09:57.049 --> 00:10:01.220 So it's not just specific to your reproductive organs. 00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:01.480 Yeah. 00:10:01.929 --> 00:10:02.159 But. 00:10:02.715 --> 00:10:09.965 Um, if you think about how the non gory version of periods work each month, that has to shed. 00:10:10.144 --> 00:10:14.495 And so if it's not in the right spot, it's doing the same process. 00:10:14.514 --> 00:10:21.384 It's shedding around in your abdo area or around your ovaries and it's, it's got nowhere to go. 00:10:21.715 --> 00:10:25.654 So it builds up over time and it, uh, can stick to your organs. 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:28.860 Stick things together that shouldn't be stuck together. 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:29.580 Wow. 00:10:30.169 --> 00:10:32.370 Um, friends, if you have time, do look it up. 00:10:32.409 --> 00:10:40.379 It is pretty, uh, yeah, it's just pretty full on in that when I was trying to understand it, when Jess started sharing her journey. 00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:41.690 Um, yeah. 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:45.330 So with that, so you started dating, is that right? 00:10:45.360 --> 00:10:48.179 Did I, or just after you got engaged, you found out? 00:10:48.600 --> 00:10:52.529 Um, no, this all, I only found out after we were married. 00:10:52.539 --> 00:10:52.919 Yeah. 00:10:53.159 --> 00:10:53.620 Yeah. 00:10:53.720 --> 00:10:54.259 Sorry. 00:10:54.875 --> 00:11:06.434 I think I spoke about it on Sunday and made a bit of a joke that we, you know, we'd been married for a whole three months before getting hit with some really big news for us. 00:11:06.504 --> 00:11:16.075 And um, there's other things that endo effects that is not really appropriate for a podcast, but being married made a difference to that. 00:11:16.325 --> 00:11:20.725 Of course, that kind of pushed the diagnosis a cause the symptoms and the pain. 00:11:21.129 --> 00:11:22.440 Was becoming daily. 00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:32.370 I looked like I had a basketball for a stomach and, you know, it was very obvious and it was very painful just every day, not just in my monthly cycle. 00:11:32.950 --> 00:11:44.149 And so I think, uh, part of it, I'd have to credit to Tim for being so like, no, I know you, I know that you don't complain about nothing. 00:11:45.179 --> 00:11:46.639 Go get this checked out again. 00:11:47.070 --> 00:11:51.629 Cause, you know, I had seen a few doctors before then that have just said, no, it's fine. 00:11:52.480 --> 00:11:52.899 That's right. 00:11:52.929 --> 00:12:01.159 And like, because obviously this whole area affects mentally, physically, intimacy, all those things that have impacted your marriage. 00:12:01.210 --> 00:12:12.289 Um, so what was going on as you start hearing and researching and, and that moment, if you can take us back into that moment where they tell you exactly what's going on. 00:12:13.625 --> 00:12:15.434 What was going on in your mind and heart? 00:12:15.715 --> 00:12:18.705 I'm pretty sure I was by myself. 00:12:18.875 --> 00:12:19.144 Okay. 00:12:19.434 --> 00:12:31.254 Um, I'd never had an ultrasound before, which is what they use to try and see if there's endo, but they do say that you can still have it and it might not show up on an ultrasound. 00:12:31.804 --> 00:12:36.615 So I'd kind of gone in and I was like, well, it's not going to be anything. 00:12:36.764 --> 00:12:39.945 It's just the way I am or the way it is. 00:12:40.575 --> 00:12:52.190 And so, yeah, I think to That was the first time I'd sat with a specialist who'd gone, Oh, yep, there's definitely endometriosis, which again, don't feel bad. 00:12:52.190 --> 00:12:56.200 I could not say, I still can't say it's such a tongue twister. 00:12:56.980 --> 00:13:08.419 Um, and I just thought like, Oh, I'm so glad they found something because we've kind of skimmed over it, but it was. 00:13:09.399 --> 00:13:16.129 It's like 10 years that I'd really suffered every month, miss school. 00:13:16.580 --> 00:13:21.830 When I started to try and work, I would not have any sick leave after the first few months. 00:13:22.100 --> 00:13:33.049 And being the studious or reliable people pleaser that I'm still working on, but back then was a lot more full on. 00:13:33.090 --> 00:13:37.830 It was so difficult to be taking so many just regular. 00:13:38.654 --> 00:13:39.375 Sick days. 00:13:39.835 --> 00:13:46.424 And so again, so I'm sitting there and I'm like, I finally have something to show. 00:13:46.794 --> 00:13:50.394 Like there's actually, you know, I was almost excited. 00:13:50.664 --> 00:13:51.475 There's something wrong. 00:13:53.355 --> 00:13:57.205 Read it, like learn about it because like I'm not making it up. 00:13:57.625 --> 00:13:58.825 It's not all in my head. 00:13:58.855 --> 00:14:09.975 And I think a lot of people that do live with, you know, hidden kind of chronic illnesses, that is something that I learned is really difficult because. 00:14:11.139 --> 00:14:25.169 You know, we move on a couple of years ahead and you still start to go, Oh, I think maybe it's all in my head, even though you know, but to answer your question, there was so much relief originally. 00:14:26.649 --> 00:14:36.049 And then you kind of leave the appointment and this seems to be a trend for me and you're driving home and they're usually far away, so you've got a bit of time. 00:14:36.639 --> 00:14:38.629 And I was like, Oh my gosh. 00:14:39.389 --> 00:14:48.679 Like I'm, that, that's me we were talking about in there, I have this condition, like what, what does that mean? 00:14:48.929 --> 00:14:55.860 Because I did like, even working as a nurse at the time, I'd never heard of this, which is just crazy. 00:14:56.659 --> 00:15:03.950 Um, and so again, it was, it was a lot of research and it was partly. 00:15:05.049 --> 00:15:10.429 Relief and excitement because you would read all these weird things that it does. 00:15:10.429 --> 00:15:12.710 And you're like, yes, it made sense. 00:15:12.720 --> 00:15:13.149 Yeah. 00:15:13.149 --> 00:15:15.210 Like I know exactly what that is. 00:15:15.210 --> 00:15:17.399 I've, I've felt that I've experienced that. 00:15:17.990 --> 00:15:32.960 And then there's, yeah, probably more the, Oh, this is something that they currently don't have a cure for the best treatment they've got at the moment is surgery or, um, like. 00:15:33.634 --> 00:15:41.705 A specific type of birth control, cause it just lessens the buildup of disease each month. 00:15:42.664 --> 00:15:54.855 Um, so what is that going to look like in a new marriage, in my busy shift work as a nurse? 00:15:54.904 --> 00:16:01.294 And, you know, just knowing you have it doesn't get rid of the symptoms and the pain straight away. 00:16:01.855 --> 00:16:04.914 So that's kind of how I was originally feeling, I guess. 00:16:04.945 --> 00:16:05.335 Yeah. 00:16:06.384 --> 00:16:07.705 And when you. 00:16:08.164 --> 00:16:16.014 Um, share that with Tim and your family and others, you know, what, what, what were some helpful reactions? 00:16:16.014 --> 00:16:20.554 Maybe not from your family, cause if they're listening, uh, which I'm sure they helped you and supported you. 00:16:20.554 --> 00:16:22.014 Sorry if that makes it sound negative. 00:16:22.054 --> 00:16:37.195 Um, yeah, we've had this conversation before when you're going through these sort of hidden, um, medical and health issues, what, what, what have you experienced has been helpful and what hasn't been helpful? 00:16:37.195 --> 00:16:37.549 Yep. 00:16:37.549 --> 00:16:37.904 Yep. 00:16:37.904 --> 00:16:38.164 Yep. 00:16:38.245 --> 00:16:40.164 Um, let's start with helpful. 00:16:40.164 --> 00:16:52.745 I think it's, it is tricky because every person will probably find something different. 00:16:52.914 --> 00:16:54.345 Like what I find helpful. 00:16:54.355 --> 00:16:57.245 Someone might be like, Oh no, don't, don't do that for me. 00:16:57.445 --> 00:16:58.125 Case by case. 00:16:58.125 --> 00:16:58.304 Yep. 00:16:58.345 --> 00:16:58.674 Yep. 00:16:59.115 --> 00:17:12.694 But I think generally on a whole, it's trying to have people around you that they don't have to understand, but they're just, they're willing. 00:17:13.474 --> 00:17:30.795 To either learn or listen or believe you or get, at least give off the vibe that they believe you, there's nothing worse than struggling with something and talking to someone that's kind of like, you're going, Oh, they don't, they don't understand, or they don't believe me. 00:17:30.795 --> 00:17:33.394 They think I'm, you know, just making it up. 00:17:35.244 --> 00:17:37.384 So I think that's what I really appreciated. 00:17:37.384 --> 00:17:40.855 Cause you'll hear later that, you know, I'd had to take time off work and. 00:17:42.224 --> 00:17:44.214 That's a lot of downtime and free time. 00:17:44.214 --> 00:17:47.095 So having people that are like, no, you're doing the right thing. 00:17:47.255 --> 00:17:52.454 I can't imagine, you know, what it must be like or what it feels like. 00:17:52.454 --> 00:17:57.065 So I'm glad you're taking the time, make sure you use it to rest. 00:17:57.154 --> 00:18:01.045 Don't be worrying about all the things you should feel like you should be doing. 00:18:01.694 --> 00:18:05.805 I think that is probably the most helpful thing. 00:18:06.305 --> 00:18:10.835 And I, yeah, I really want to emphasize that you don't have to know or understand. 00:18:10.954 --> 00:18:12.174 A lot of people, I think. 00:18:12.244 --> 00:18:17.505 I don't know how to even pronounce it. 00:18:17.505 --> 00:19:05.970 Like, how am I going to provide any support or help, um, but a listening ear and yeah, just checking up, I guess, on, on how they're going, but that kind of leads into the, the not so helpful thing can also be when people are checking in nonstop and you, you know, You're feeling really crap, or you're in a lot of pain, or you're really tired and you haven't got to see your friends in a while or your family, and all you do is feel like you're updating these people who genuinely care, and they're trying their best to check in and show that, you know, they're thinking of you, but it can sometimes feel like a burden of there's, I've got 10 messages and I haven't replied, and now I feel bad. 00:19:06.529 --> 00:19:10.680 Cause, you know, they've done a nice thing and checked in, but I just, I can't get around to it. 00:19:10.970 --> 00:19:20.109 And I think that's probably what I probably appreciate as much when you guys began this journey of the impact it has physically in the exhaustion. 00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:23.460 Like it's not just, I'm a bit tired today. 00:19:23.470 --> 00:19:25.410 It's like, I'm out. 00:19:25.740 --> 00:19:26.250 Yeah. 00:19:26.609 --> 00:19:26.819 Yeah. 00:19:28.119 --> 00:19:47.634 It, yeah, it's something that I still really struggle to explain because even on days, Where I'm doing really well, especially post surgery, I instantly kind of forget, you go like, Oh, maybe it wasn't that bad. 00:19:47.664 --> 00:19:54.734 And then, you know, a bad day comes and you go, Oh my gosh, like, how did I forget what this was like? 00:19:54.944 --> 00:20:01.484 Like, it's, it's very, very hard to explain that to people and how it can come again. 00:20:01.484 --> 00:20:04.575 We're still kind of just talking about Endo at the moment, but it can. 00:20:04.855 --> 00:20:22.924 Um, it can, they call like flare ups, so maybe you're out and about and you're having a really good time and then all of a sudden you have this like flare up of your symptoms and then you have to leave or you have to go home or sit on a couch or, you know, do something even though you looked so fine half an hour ago. 00:20:24.545 --> 00:20:25.984 Um, we can keep moving. 00:20:26.005 --> 00:20:35.684 So like I said to you earlier, you tell me where you want me to go with the questions, but one of the things that came to mind was probably as you're talking as a follower of Jesus. 00:20:37.150 --> 00:20:43.759 In this sort of season with Endo, was he, was it challenging to talk to him? 00:20:43.759 --> 00:20:44.690 Was he far away? 00:20:44.690 --> 00:20:45.299 Why Lord? 00:20:45.859 --> 00:20:46.849 Or you're fine. 00:20:47.089 --> 00:20:50.769 And then moving to, I guess at some point talk about where things are at now. 00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:51.619 Yeah. 00:20:52.240 --> 00:21:06.019 I think, I think let's move forward, explain the whole story and then all the ways that Jesus was there in those moments will make a bit more sense. 00:21:06.190 --> 00:21:06.410 Good. 00:21:06.990 --> 00:21:30.220 So if we go back to Yes, I've suffered with the endo pain and things, you know, that I can now label as endo pain before I just thought was really severe cramps, fatigue, you know, feeling like I'm going to pass out, things like that, and then getting that diagnosis three months into marriage. 00:21:30.220 --> 00:21:31.339 So Tim and I are like. 00:21:31.414 --> 00:21:37.644 Um, you know, we're both doers, I think, you've said before, so it's a good thing. 00:21:37.755 --> 00:21:43.765 You know, one of my significant memories of your wedding day, besides the beautiful service, it was a privilege to serve. 00:21:44.345 --> 00:21:51.355 Was that moment at your reception when most, you know, bride and groom are sitting up there and eating their food. 00:21:51.394 --> 00:21:54.565 You guys got up and actually served everyone else. 00:21:55.065 --> 00:21:57.355 I, to this day, I distinctively remember that going. 00:21:57.990 --> 00:21:59.819 Yeah, that pretty much sums who you are, actually. 00:22:00.849 --> 00:22:11.430 Well, I would love to claim it, but the first wedding we ever went to as a couple, we saw that and we both looked at each other and we're not even engaged at this point, but we're like, when we get married. 00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:12.480 Oh, you're planning ahead. 00:22:12.529 --> 00:22:12.859 That's good. 00:22:13.410 --> 00:22:20.109 We're doing this because it, it is, it's really, you get to meet all your guests and, and we like to do things. 00:22:20.390 --> 00:22:20.450 Yeah. 00:22:20.819 --> 00:22:21.519 Sorry, I interrupted. 00:22:21.529 --> 00:22:22.460 No, that's okay. 00:22:22.460 --> 00:22:25.819 So we, you know, we, we got this news and it did. 00:22:27.019 --> 00:22:31.289 It was a bit of a rollercoaster in terms of you think, Oh, cool, amazing. 00:22:31.589 --> 00:22:32.390 We know what it is. 00:22:32.410 --> 00:22:36.809 And then we tried to just continue, you know, but now we know I've got this thing. 00:22:37.740 --> 00:22:43.259 And then that didn't last very long because it was, no, I've actually got this thing. 00:22:43.259 --> 00:22:45.950 We need to make some adjustments, like things aren't working. 00:22:45.950 --> 00:22:48.299 Work was so difficult. 00:22:48.349 --> 00:22:59.170 I again, had the mindset of, I just finished, I was either just finishing my grad year or I was in the middle of my grad year and going. 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:01.490 I've picked the wrong career. 00:23:02.059 --> 00:23:11.430 I cannot foresee myself doing this for the rest of the year, let alone for my lifelong career. 00:23:11.779 --> 00:23:18.670 Like I love it, but internally to myself, I'm like, I can't do this. 00:23:18.720 --> 00:23:26.250 I was, I was running myself into the ground and looking around going, but everyone else is, all the other grads are okay. 00:23:26.250 --> 00:23:28.200 They're like tired, but not like. 00:23:28.269 --> 00:23:43.089 Um, and so we made some changes and we started listening to podcasts and, you know, we had to, you know, we were seeing Shabu, uh, a fair bit and just talking through, cause it was tricky. 00:23:43.089 --> 00:23:56.279 We would, we thought we were trying to adjust to just being married, but now we're trying to adjust to being married and having this news and the difference in, okay, realistically, what are our expectations then? 00:23:56.289 --> 00:24:00.559 Because the normal expectation of. 00:24:01.019 --> 00:24:12.190 Being married to income household healthy, you know, maybe saving for this and saving for that was not going to be for us because I couldn't work the amount that I needed to. 00:24:12.190 --> 00:24:23.880 And so I dropped back a few of my shifts and it stayed like that for a bit, but on the inside, I'm going, I'm still feeling terrible. 00:24:23.940 --> 00:24:24.240 Wow. 00:24:24.420 --> 00:24:24.670 Yep. 00:24:25.859 --> 00:24:31.069 I said, uh, one of the things I'd learned early on is the fatigue, which we. 00:24:31.990 --> 00:25:15.095 Touched on but I just thought this just feels yes I'm learning that it's terrible and it's a lot but this feels like way more I feel like you know at work I used to be like it's okay if I pass out because I work in the emergency department So I'm in the right place if that ever happens, but sure every shift That's what it felt like and I would I even started, I didn't say this to people cause I didn't want to lose my job, but it was like, I would walk on water sometimes, like when I'm walking down the hallways that are quite long and thin, I had to walk on the side and kind of slide my hand across the wall for balance. 00:25:15.174 --> 00:25:15.734 And I mean. 00:25:16.710 --> 00:25:46.194 Looking back now, I think, how did I think that was normal or just from, you know, just being overly tired, but this was every day to get through and I'd stand in circles and like squat and all the doctors and nurses are standing up having this conversation and I'm there squatting because I just could not stand and, you know, I'd play it off like, Oh, I've just got a bit of a sore back from like moving a patient or whatever, but I was, I really genuinely couldn't function, uh, to the way that I should have been. 00:25:47.644 --> 00:26:05.865 And then I had two what they would call big episodes that kind of led me into my next, um, diagnosis where I was working and the whole left side of my upper body across my chest and my arm went numb. 00:26:06.565 --> 00:26:13.365 And I didn't realize it at first until I kind of hopped in the shower and I was like, is the water not working? 00:26:13.375 --> 00:26:20.765 Cause I can't, like, I can't, it's, you know, I've turned the taps on, turned around and gone, I can't really feel the water. 00:26:21.484 --> 00:26:25.325 But then, you know, as I'm doing some tests, I'm like, Oh no, I can feel it on this side. 00:26:25.394 --> 00:26:26.545 I can't feel it on that side. 00:26:26.585 --> 00:26:27.384 That's kind of weird. 00:26:28.434 --> 00:26:28.734 Um. 00:26:28.734 --> 00:26:32.664 It amazes me that's how your brain is working in that moment, but yeah, keep going. 00:26:33.375 --> 00:26:38.295 And so again, kind of this, uh. 00:26:39.724 --> 00:26:43.615 I don't know how to word it, but always thinking things are related to stress. 00:26:43.765 --> 00:26:49.934 So I'm like, I'm in my grad year, I'm planning a wedding, just found out I've got endo, it's probably stress. 00:26:50.075 --> 00:26:50.265 Yeah. 00:26:50.265 --> 00:26:52.045 That's why my arm is numb. 00:26:52.285 --> 00:26:52.375 Yeah. 00:26:53.154 --> 00:27:00.035 And so I left it and it wasn't until maybe a week later where I was like, this is really weird. 00:27:00.194 --> 00:27:00.444 Hmm. 00:27:00.444 --> 00:27:01.855 It shouldn't still be. 00:27:02.609 --> 00:27:13.089 Um, and I told one of the district nurses that I was working with at the time and she freaked out and Got me to see a GP straight away. 00:27:13.140 --> 00:27:18.680 Yeah, because they think it's like a stroke or something Not a stroke because I'd said like I've had it for a week. 00:27:18.710 --> 00:27:28.670 Don't freak out I said it's probably a pinched nerve or stress or I've sat in the car doing district nursing too long or something And she was like no, that's that's really weird. 00:27:28.670 --> 00:27:40.549 I've booked you in And that was the first time that someone had ever mentioned the word MS or multiple sclerosis. 00:27:41.140 --> 00:27:49.150 And it, it was very, very, very unlikely, but she did, she was explaining what tests we could do. 00:27:49.640 --> 00:27:57.140 You know, she checked everything from shingles to yeah, my nerves and how long I'd sat and all that kind of thing. 00:27:57.690 --> 00:28:02.880 But she said, I'd probably like to get an MRI done. 00:28:03.460 --> 00:28:15.890 Which is a type of scan, just, you know, she goes, then we can rule out worst case scenario and go from there kind of like, we're doing this just to, just to check, just to check, but it's, you know, it's so unlikely. 00:28:16.299 --> 00:28:26.670 And I was like, yeah, okay, well, if that's what you recommend, then we'll just do it because then at least we know, and we can move forward and, you know, find out what it really is. 00:28:27.410 --> 00:28:33.819 And it's a, uh, got a little bit messy in between there and mix up with delays and. 00:28:34.525 --> 00:28:36.275 The wrong scan and whatever. 00:28:36.295 --> 00:28:40.704 So they scanned the wrong part of my body and it came back clear. 00:28:40.734 --> 00:28:41.795 So I was like, great. 00:28:42.835 --> 00:28:43.414 What a win. 00:28:44.285 --> 00:28:50.914 It was just a random thing that they can't explain, but if it doesn't come back again, she said, don't worry about it. 00:28:51.525 --> 00:28:58.714 And then, yeah, maybe a month later I had woke up and it felt like my foot was on fire. 00:28:58.775 --> 00:28:59.934 This one was way more. 00:29:00.595 --> 00:29:07.285 Uh, not traumatic, but way more painful and a bit more disturbing for me because it was really uncomfortable. 00:29:07.654 --> 00:29:11.664 I couldn't have friction on my foot or my leg and it was slowly growing. 00:29:11.664 --> 00:29:17.144 So it made it all the way up to kind of my hip area and it just felt like it was on fire. 00:29:17.144 --> 00:29:23.045 So again, I kind of go back to the doctor and say, I've had an MRI, they cleared it. 00:29:23.545 --> 00:29:27.984 So again, they're thinking stressed, pinched nerve, blah, blah, blah. 00:29:28.420 --> 00:29:57.450 Not really thinking anything of it somehow we got in to see a neurologist Just to make sure and again, he's going really highly unlikely But we'll do the right MRI this time just to make sure and then there was again a delay And then this all right, and then I'd I hate thinking of this moment, but I had got home from work I was Exhausted. 00:29:57.450 --> 00:30:05.049 And I was just sitting in my car and it must've been one of those moments that God put something in your brain. 00:30:06.059 --> 00:30:11.400 And cause I, there was at least a month between getting the scan and not hearing back. 00:30:11.700 --> 00:30:14.430 So I'm going, no news is good news. 00:30:14.450 --> 00:30:16.210 You know, no news is good news. 00:30:17.200 --> 00:30:24.470 And I got home, I sat in the car and I was like, Oh my gosh, I need to call this place and get my results. 00:30:24.960 --> 00:30:34.180 And I was having this battle of like, but if anything was wrong, They would call you, they would tell you, yeah, you are, you know, you're overthinking, blah, blah, blah. 00:30:34.329 --> 00:30:34.569 Yeah. 00:30:35.980 --> 00:30:38.529 And so I thought, no, I couldn't shake. 00:30:38.589 --> 00:30:40.809 I was sitting in my car for almost 15 minutes. 00:30:40.809 --> 00:30:43.750 I was, couldn't shake the feeling that I had to call. 00:30:44.460 --> 00:30:45.420 And I, I did. 00:30:45.750 --> 00:30:57.049 And I got, oh, I got like, not the kind of response that you wanted was, oh, no one's spoken to you about your results. 00:30:57.079 --> 00:30:57.170 Oh, wow. 00:30:57.769 --> 00:30:58.759 And I'm like, no. 00:30:59.450 --> 00:31:01.450 Like, um. 00:31:02.494 --> 00:31:10.924 How come like, they're never going to tell you, I know from a nurse, they're not allowed to tell you, but I was like, is, can you just tell me, is there something on there? 00:31:11.585 --> 00:31:18.444 They said, no, we have to get the neurologist, but he wants to have a face to face conversation. 00:31:18.644 --> 00:31:21.045 And so I'm being in the medical world. 00:31:21.045 --> 00:31:22.025 I knew you can give. 00:31:22.345 --> 00:31:30.525 Good results over the phone as a neurologist, yep, all good, clear, or you have to come in to discuss your results. 00:31:31.765 --> 00:31:47.075 And so again, I was having to be by myself and Tim was at work and so, you know, I called him and I was in tears and I said, they wouldn't give me my results over the phone, but I know it's bad because it was a public holiday or something. 00:31:47.075 --> 00:31:49.894 And he wanted us to come in first thing in the morning. 00:31:49.894 --> 00:31:52.315 He made an appointment slot for us. 00:31:53.464 --> 00:31:54.835 So then I was thinking. 00:31:56.160 --> 00:32:03.710 Oh my gosh, please be MS, just be MS and don't be cancer, don't be a tumor, don't be, you know, the scan was of my brain and my spine. 00:32:03.710 --> 00:32:08.519 And so I said to Tim, there is something on my brain and I don't know what it is. 00:32:08.529 --> 00:32:12.549 Like that feeling is not nice. 00:32:12.549 --> 00:32:13.369 No, of course. 00:32:13.539 --> 00:32:20.569 You, yeah, you just, even now to think that there are these things on my brain that. 00:32:21.279 --> 00:32:25.039 You know, they're kind of there, they do some damage, but then they kind of stagnant. 00:32:26.839 --> 00:32:27.359 Scary. 00:32:27.750 --> 00:32:28.240 Yes. 00:32:28.619 --> 00:32:32.059 Anyway, we got the diagnosis and that's what I kind of spoke about on Sunday. 00:32:32.059 --> 00:32:36.920 I was sitting in that room and this time I'd learned my lesson and I brought Tim with me. 00:32:37.460 --> 00:32:37.609 Good. 00:32:38.039 --> 00:32:39.960 So I didn't have to hear the news alone. 00:32:39.990 --> 00:32:57.200 And yeah, it was, the appointment went for over an hour and he just kind of explained what it was, explained what our Options were even went into kind of, this is what it could look like, or it could look like this. 00:32:57.210 --> 00:33:08.180 Like it was a very unknown, uh, it still is how someone will progress with MS or multiple sclerosis is very, very different. 00:33:08.180 --> 00:33:09.920 And they don't really know how to predict. 00:33:09.930 --> 00:33:16.349 Um, whether you're going to get kind of a good road or a really terrible road. 00:33:17.069 --> 00:33:19.359 It's for different, each case by case. 00:33:19.369 --> 00:33:19.779 Right. 00:33:19.869 --> 00:33:27.940 And so just so that people know, cause some of us know you obviously, but, uh, one, how old are you when you're hearing this? 00:33:27.950 --> 00:33:30.130 And two, how long have you guys been married for? 00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:30.910 Right. 00:33:31.319 --> 00:33:31.890 So. 00:33:32.869 --> 00:33:33.470 Numbers. 00:33:33.529 --> 00:33:40.420 We got married in December, 2021, and I think, I think I was 23. 00:33:40.630 --> 00:33:40.960 Okay. 00:33:41.670 --> 00:33:48.789 And I'm now 26, so I would've, I think I would still have been 23 mm-Hmm. 00:33:49.076 --> 00:33:54.819 And three months into the marriage we got the endo diagnosis, which was around March. 00:33:55.380 --> 00:34:01.619 And then it was June when we started leading towards finding out that. 00:34:02.869 --> 00:34:06.279 Um, MS was on the table slash got the diagnosis around there. 00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:06.799 Okay. 00:34:07.670 --> 00:34:19.210 So you hear this news, doctor tells you in detail for an hour, what's the situation, what could happen, couldn't happen, all those things, and then, where do you want to go with this? 00:34:20.230 --> 00:34:26.090 Um, I cried after the appointment, after it, it's set in. 00:34:29.110 --> 00:34:53.369 I think even Tim, we were, we were in shock and we stayed in shock for at least a year and they said allow one to two years to really accept the diagnosis and like that rolls off the tongue now, like one to two years, but it was a, that's insane, is a really difficult one to two years where we are still very much living. 00:34:54.389 --> 00:35:19.900 The journey now, like I don't want, when I do get into all the amazing ways that God has helped us, I don't want it to sound like, Oh, everything, you know, we're just fine now because, you know, my faith has grown and, you know, we're doing a little bit better, um, cause it's still very, like extreme highs and extreme lows and they come and go as they please kind of thing. 00:35:21.010 --> 00:35:23.539 Um, but yeah, so we, I. 00:35:24.010 --> 00:35:33.570 In short, cause I keep rambling on, I left work for three months of unpaid leave to get my head around things. 00:35:33.760 --> 00:35:40.840 And with MS, they suggested I start like a IV treatment. 00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:52.610 So intravenous treatment where I sat with all the cancer patients getting, you know, their chemo and things, and the average age was maybe 60. 00:35:52.739 --> 00:35:54.344 And then here I was at. 00:35:54.344 --> 00:35:57.574 23, getting my infusions. 00:35:57.614 --> 00:36:20.684 And again, God's work in where I ended up getting my treatment and how soon, like the next month I was in getting my first, you know, dose of treatment and the nurses were lovely and the whole experience was as lovely as it could have possibly been for something like that. 00:36:21.324 --> 00:36:27.284 And just looking back going, how did, you know, there's so many options you're given. 00:36:27.960 --> 00:36:43.730 And we ended up there and I said to Tim, like, this has made a world of difference in how I cope, the nurses care, they're asking, you know, questions, they're staying up to date as I was learning to process what, what I'm doing. 00:36:43.730 --> 00:36:51.489 Like I have to sit here for like, I think it was three hours originally, and I'm just stuck with my thoughts, stuck with this machine. 00:36:51.949 --> 00:36:54.929 And so just any of the little things in between. 00:36:56.005 --> 00:37:00.655 That would definitely godsend because I ended up there with those nurses. 00:37:01.204 --> 00:37:07.094 Like I still will keep in touch with them, even though I'm not currently receiving treatment at the moment. 00:37:07.885 --> 00:37:29.945 Um, when I do go back, it's almost like I'm, I'm excited to update them and tell them how I've been because yeah, that was so, so helpful, but I'm so I left my job for three months and Tim and I still had the expectation, you know, whether it was said or not, Oh, three months is ages. 00:37:29.954 --> 00:37:34.934 Like we'll be like, this is how good that they've given us three months. 00:37:34.945 --> 00:37:35.635 It's so long. 00:37:35.635 --> 00:37:37.815 We probably won't need all of that time. 00:37:38.704 --> 00:37:46.005 And yeah, we really just hadn't grasped the full effect of what life was going to look like for a while. 00:37:46.005 --> 00:37:51.094 And so the three months passed and I ended up quitting my job. 00:37:51.639 --> 00:37:55.409 Which was really, really sad because like I said at the beginning, you loved it. 00:37:55.659 --> 00:37:56.440 I loved it. 00:37:56.519 --> 00:37:57.719 I didn't want to go to uni. 00:37:57.769 --> 00:37:58.280 I did. 00:37:58.699 --> 00:38:03.960 I worked for what, almost two years and then it just, it was gone. 00:38:04.170 --> 00:38:18.869 And so that was one of the first things where I was like, probably questioning God's plan for me, or, you know, the, the goodness that everyone talks about. 00:38:18.889 --> 00:38:32.369 Cause I was like, you know, trying to get my head around everything that's just happened and now, you know, I've just gotten married, you know, you let us get married, you let me go to uni. 00:38:33.139 --> 00:38:37.039 Now I'm sick and I can't do the job I went to uni for. 00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:40.269 I can't provide any income. 00:38:40.489 --> 00:38:41.880 I've just got married. 00:38:42.150 --> 00:38:47.610 Like, now the whole one income thing is a lot easier. 00:38:48.275 --> 00:38:56.655 It's still difficult, it's still so difficult, um, but it's a lot easier to kind of sit with. 00:38:56.744 --> 00:39:23.585 But at the time that felt like, like how, how dare God do this to us with, you know, we thought we were on low income before, um, but then again, even as I talk about that now, I go, God, now on reflection, yeah, yeah, that's okay, yep. 00:39:24.119 --> 00:39:30.610 God still provided for us in so many ways, like, yes, financially. 00:39:30.610 --> 00:39:34.630 And that felt huge to us at the time. 00:39:35.170 --> 00:39:37.989 And to look back and go, we never went without food. 00:39:37.989 --> 00:39:40.969 We never missed a, like, we didn't miss a rent payment. 00:39:41.780 --> 00:39:45.389 We didn't like, we still have our cars. 00:39:45.389 --> 00:39:46.849 We still pay for fuel. 00:39:47.489 --> 00:39:52.449 We've got food on the table, but like, there are so many things that. 00:39:53.085 --> 00:40:09.824 God was providing for us and we were kind of just focusing on the one thing that, you know, yeah, was taken away and That kind of I think sums up how the next two and a bit years to now goes. 00:40:10.394 --> 00:40:30.264 We lose something or something happens and there's a grieving period and it goes up and down and I get frustrated With God, and then we look back and we go, no, we shouldn't have, Oh, it happened again. 00:40:31.014 --> 00:40:46.135 We, we didn't trust that God still had a plan, even if it wasn't the cookie cutter style that we were hoping for and, you know. 00:40:46.925 --> 00:40:54.784 All the nice kind of idea and particularly in your season of life of young married and starting out. 00:40:55.119 --> 00:41:00.670 This is not, you know, there's nothing ideal as such, but as in, this is not what you were hoping for. 00:41:00.789 --> 00:41:01.150 Yep. 00:41:02.179 --> 00:41:14.909 And I think, especially for Tim, who's very practical, he's very, he's a planner and yes, we both like doing, but we do things differently. 00:41:16.250 --> 00:41:27.159 And so for him as, as a new husband and carrying the weight, probably definitely more so of providing financially and. 00:41:27.644 --> 00:41:29.394 My wife is sick. 00:41:30.405 --> 00:41:33.894 I, in no way, did he ever pressure me to work. 00:41:33.894 --> 00:41:36.614 He was so supportive of that. 00:41:36.655 --> 00:41:58.599 And he still is, but as I guess the person observing this knowing, yes, I can't go to work, but I can see the pressure this puts on you that like, it still makes me teary now because, you know. 00:41:59.030 --> 00:42:07.179 You, I don't want him to experience that he doesn't want me to experience what I'm experiencing, but we can't change it. 00:42:07.579 --> 00:42:19.230 This is, that was just what we were given and, you know, God's hand in that has continued even to this day. 00:42:19.230 --> 00:42:29.460 And I had this book that I was going to bring and I forgot where I tried to note down originally when people got around us. 00:42:29.855 --> 00:42:38.905 Whether it was financially or a conversation or anything, but I actually stopped because I, I, I couldn't keep up. 00:42:39.295 --> 00:42:42.675 There was so many, some are massive things. 00:42:43.215 --> 00:42:55.804 And then some, uh, like I read through last night when I was kind of looking over it and it was one of the biggest things we had, which is kind of funny to talk about now. 00:42:55.804 --> 00:42:59.114 But at the time I really, when I stopped work, I was so alone. 00:42:59.925 --> 00:43:04.184 Um, I was with my thoughts every day in like a silent house. 00:43:04.184 --> 00:43:10.574 And at this point I was pretty much, I would describe it as bed bound, which is just crazy. 00:43:11.224 --> 00:43:15.744 Um, and I feel like I'm not going on a, woe is me. 00:43:15.855 --> 00:43:27.394 I'm trying to show how hard it was, where God was in that, because there was even times where I couldn't feed myself. 00:43:27.485 --> 00:43:32.764 I couldn't lift a fork and some food to my mouth. 00:43:33.289 --> 00:43:50.610 And so again, my lovely husband was doing that for me, you know, and I'm 23, 4, 5, 6, crazy, like, and if you saw me on the days that I do come out, I'd think people just don't see that. 00:43:51.539 --> 00:43:55.110 And so I was Begging Tim to let us get a dog. 00:43:57.119 --> 00:44:02.280 I so just, I knew for my mental health, I needed something or someone around. 00:44:02.360 --> 00:44:07.389 Tim had to go to work, you know, people can pop in, but it's not the same. 00:44:08.039 --> 00:44:15.789 And I pushed and pushed and pushed and Tim being the financial head that he has, he was like, this makes no sense. 00:44:16.280 --> 00:44:17.889 Why, when we've just. 00:44:18.675 --> 00:44:18.844 Yeah. 00:44:18.844 --> 00:44:20.264 Really struggling to pay rent. 00:44:20.684 --> 00:44:22.125 Are we going to pay like, dogs are expensive. 00:44:23.204 --> 00:44:23.844 Uh, yep. 00:44:23.905 --> 00:44:24.684 That's what I hear. 00:44:24.764 --> 00:44:25.324 Yes. 00:44:25.485 --> 00:44:32.175 So like, I'm going to put it out there, the actual price because of how God worked in this. 00:44:32.434 --> 00:44:36.675 We ended up paying three grand for our beautiful little teddy bear. 00:44:37.994 --> 00:44:46.684 And as much as I felt it was the right thing, Tim will say, he was really concerned that we'd made a really poor financial choice. 00:44:48.010 --> 00:44:54.449 And no joke, the next day after we bought him and we just went to look, not to buy him. 00:44:54.449 --> 00:44:55.429 And then we came home with him. 00:44:56.289 --> 00:44:57.070 That's what they all do. 00:44:59.039 --> 00:45:00.019 Yeah, so I've heard. 00:45:01.110 --> 00:45:19.650 We got from one of our friends, like in our Christian circles, had on his own decided that he felt the need, God had told him to give us three grand in cash, like to the dollar. 00:45:19.650 --> 00:45:19.690 Wow. 00:45:19.690 --> 00:45:19.710 Wow. 00:45:26.610 --> 00:45:34.889 And so, we have so many things like that, and it doesn't always happen the next day. 00:45:35.130 --> 00:45:50.190 That was great, and again, that was for both Tim and I, in our own ways, just a smack in the face into how God, he actually cares. 00:45:50.900 --> 00:45:56.099 I just wanted a dog, I wanted a companion while I'm at home. 00:45:57.434 --> 00:46:19.454 And God cared about that, and he still does, and he cared that for Tim as her new husband, the pressure that that felt like, and learning, you know, he had to learn that lesson of, I love and care for my wife, but I also have to provide, how do I balance that? 00:46:21.635 --> 00:46:23.824 And it wasn't, you know, it wasn't a small cost. 00:46:25.425 --> 00:46:31.364 And so that was one of the things in the book and something we, we bring up. 00:46:31.880 --> 00:46:48.679 When things are going difficult or we're tight for cash, or it just feels like from our human perspective that God's maybe forgotten about us again, which he never does. 00:46:49.099 --> 00:47:05.989 Um, we actually remind ourselves of that happening and we go at some point in some way, God will show us that, you know, what he will make his presence known. 00:47:07.204 --> 00:47:24.144 And I think, again, that has just continued and continued to happen because the way we now exist in this world and in society is so different. 00:47:24.184 --> 00:47:27.425 It's, it's so different to our peers. 00:47:27.485 --> 00:47:35.885 It's so different to, again, we've said it, what we kind of expected it would be, and we're still. 00:47:36.400 --> 00:48:08.710 Learning so much, and I think that was one of the things that I really wanted people to get from me sharing my story is like, even saying it makes me tear up, but God's grace, because I, I used to hate when people in a similar situation to me that have these diagnoses would say, Oh, you know, what's one thing you're grateful for? 00:48:08.710 --> 00:48:15.849 Because if your diagnosis, And I was like, what a terrible question to ask someone. 00:48:15.849 --> 00:48:18.090 How could you ask that? 00:48:18.090 --> 00:48:20.610 Because it's, there is no good. 00:48:21.840 --> 00:48:27.780 And I'm a glass half full usually, but there, you know, I felt there's nothing good about this. 00:48:27.800 --> 00:48:29.750 It's putting stress on my marriage. 00:48:29.750 --> 00:48:36.969 It's like making me feel like a terrible friend is making me feel like I'm not me anymore. 00:48:37.934 --> 00:48:41.875 Um, Oh my gosh, I had a point that I was going on. 00:48:41.875 --> 00:48:42.175 I can't remember. 00:48:42.215 --> 00:48:46.855 You were talking about how people will say, what's one thing that you're grateful for? 00:48:46.855 --> 00:48:48.324 And yep. 00:48:49.454 --> 00:48:50.824 And now I'm that person. 00:48:52.715 --> 00:48:54.885 I swore I would never see that person. 00:48:54.934 --> 00:49:12.375 And I would maybe word it slightly differently because it comes from a Christian perspective of God's plan is always good and it's always better. 00:49:13.210 --> 00:49:45.630 Um, and the one that you have for yourself, because I know now if I hadn't have been forced to really be stripped of the things that made life comfortable and made me feel like, which I touched on on Sunday, like there was certain things that made me feel like me and God loves me because I'm social and I, you know, I grow in, I'm reliable person. 00:49:46.349 --> 00:49:47.719 People can rely on me. 00:49:47.760 --> 00:49:55.135 I You know, I follow through on my word and, you know, I always go out of my way to help other people. 00:49:55.644 --> 00:50:02.025 And so yes, God's gracious and yes, I'm saved by grace, but you know, it's because of all those things that I'm doing. 00:50:03.264 --> 00:50:04.844 We would never say that out loud, but that's what happens. 00:50:04.844 --> 00:50:05.534 Yeah. 00:50:05.534 --> 00:50:06.224 Yeah. 00:50:06.224 --> 00:50:17.335 And I even give the example of like, Oh, you know, I know I'm saved and I know God loves me, but, uh, I wasn't as nice to my sister today. 00:50:17.335 --> 00:50:19.525 So I'll just read an extra chapter of my Bible. 00:50:19.885 --> 00:50:21.065 Um, just to be safe. 00:50:21.815 --> 00:50:27.355 And so it was really hard to have lost my job. 00:50:28.614 --> 00:50:32.184 So I wasn't providing in our little family. 00:50:32.235 --> 00:50:40.045 It felt like I wasn't providing for our little family and I wasn't contributing to the community. 00:50:40.675 --> 00:50:49.184 And I was, I am not the reliable friend anymore, and that's not. 00:50:49.704 --> 00:51:04.443 Because it's, you know, my choice and, but, and I can sit better with that now, but I, my ailments are not reliable anymore and I can't always be social sometimes forming So much grace. 00:51:06.034 --> 00:51:11.623 That you're fast forwarding in two years, you've, you're experiencing that grace yeah. 00:51:12.503 --> 00:51:15.134 So starting from you, two years fast forward. 00:51:15.204 --> 00:51:16.664 Um, I'm. 00:51:17.119 --> 00:51:23.539 Now in a much better health state, partly due to surgery. 00:51:23.728 --> 00:51:30.239 And again, I credit that to also due to God's plan, God's timing. 00:51:30.248 --> 00:51:49.088 He knew that I had probably reached my real proper limits, but now I get to look back and go, man, I can see all the ways now where he. 00:51:49.463 --> 00:51:56.704 He's supported us, he put people in our lives, we got text messages at the right time. 00:51:56.813 --> 00:52:24.514 You, you sent a lot of those, Shaboo, where either together, Tim and I were having a moment of just grief and there'd be haters checking in, or it would come from someone else or just so you know, we've, we've left this at your front door and you think, Oh my goodness, God is with us now in this terrible time. 00:52:25.009 --> 00:52:30.708 And he's with us now, today, doing different things. 00:52:31.778 --> 00:52:37.438 And there is the, the one thing I will say, there is this song that I'd love if you've listened to this. 00:52:37.989 --> 00:52:46.018 There's so many, but I'm picking one and it's The Story I'll Tell by, I think it's Maverick City. 00:52:47.949 --> 00:52:50.688 And I feel like that's where I am. 00:52:50.688 --> 00:52:54.739 I used to listen to this in bed when I was really, really unwell. 00:52:55.389 --> 00:53:01.128 And it talks about being in the, the pit of whatever it is. 00:53:01.528 --> 00:53:06.528 And feeling at your lowest low and not really being able to see what God's doing in your life. 00:53:07.668 --> 00:53:14.239 But you know, because of his word and what he says that he's still got a plan. 00:53:15.028 --> 00:53:34.128 And that's the story I'll tell whenever it fulfills itself, whether it's two years, whether it's a lifetime, whether it's only when we get to heaven and for me to be able to feel what I felt then listening to it. 00:53:34.809 --> 00:53:55.289 And now sitting here, sharing my story, our story, the story of God in our lives and go that, again, here's one of those moments of me going, God, I lay there and thought this, and now I'm here and I'm doing it. 00:53:55.298 --> 00:53:57.048 Like God brought me through that. 00:53:57.068 --> 00:53:58.728 I didn't think at the time this. 00:53:59.534 --> 00:54:05.684 This would happen, I honestly didn't think it would in terms of sitting here sharing the story. 00:54:05.684 --> 00:54:05.974 Yep. 00:54:06.094 --> 00:54:06.423 Yeah. 00:54:06.503 --> 00:54:14.864 Feeling like I could even share it and like, it's only been, only been a couple of years. 00:54:14.864 --> 00:54:23.114 And I'm like, again, God is so in our lives has shown up so obvious and it. 00:54:23.114 --> 00:54:29.483 I don't, I don't know how to describe what you're sharing. 00:54:29.483 --> 00:54:34.414 I think throughout your journey with Tim and with you guys has been observation. 00:54:34.414 --> 00:54:42.713 I think sometimes when I question walk, we might hear messages of, you know, um, your best life now, everything's going to be fine, perfect and on and so on. 00:54:43.454 --> 00:54:49.833 But what we're hearing, I guess, often is this story of you guys lamenting, crying out to God, how long. 00:54:50.884 --> 00:54:57.684 Seeing his provision of grace, and then, like you said, completely stripped away of all the things that you think is who you are. 00:54:58.704 --> 00:55:01.963 And even the diagnosis is not what defines you. 00:55:03.733 --> 00:55:06.193 It is part of your life, but it's not what defines you. 00:55:06.583 --> 00:55:06.804 Yeah. 00:55:07.103 --> 00:55:07.333 Yeah. 00:55:07.983 --> 00:55:15.914 What God says in his word, I'm learning and continually reminding myself, that's how I want to view myself. 00:55:16.543 --> 00:55:20.023 Even when your feelings and your thoughts. 00:55:21.409 --> 00:55:22.139 Don't align. 00:55:22.329 --> 00:55:22.639 Yep. 00:55:23.059 --> 00:55:32.978 It's what, what I do is go to the Bible, go to a song and go, I don't feel this, but this is what God says about me. 00:55:33.679 --> 00:55:36.048 And this is his plan for me. 00:55:37.349 --> 00:55:37.639 Yeah. 00:55:38.369 --> 00:55:48.778 Very interesting comment at the night where you said, my story is not that I've been healed, but my story is still like, you mentioned a phrase that it's stuck in my head. 00:55:49.634 --> 00:56:03.824 I think I said, and I don't sit here today miraculously healed because I do believe that God could, and sometimes I forget to pray that, you know, for actual full healing. 00:56:04.833 --> 00:56:17.623 Um, but yeah, I still sit here today with many of the same symptoms and battles going on, but my faith has grown and my relationship with Jesus has grown. 00:56:18.693 --> 00:56:28.943 And that, it doesn't shrink those experiences, but you get a better perspective, I think, on them. 00:56:29.293 --> 00:56:30.344 Yeah, that's good. 00:56:30.833 --> 00:56:40.804 I, um, I even have on, I didn't check if it's still there, but I have had on my Instagram bio all through school. 00:56:41.804 --> 00:56:46.634 It was, if Jesus is all you have, you have all you need. 00:56:46.724 --> 00:56:46.983 Wow. 00:56:47.909 --> 00:57:45.458 And now if it's still on there, it's something I would want to get rid of because I realize the depth of what that means and I kind of feel a little bit like, I just flippantly used to say that, but now I go, man, that's some deep things to be saying on there, you know, because it is, that's really what I think our little story or journey has been realizing that, um, Tim and I coming home after whatever has happened and going, this feels like the world is ending and it sounds dramatic, but it feels like that, or, you know, something has happened and it's really hit a nerve or a sore point, but even if that was to leave or go or be the rest of our story, we still have God and he still loves us. 00:57:47.313 --> 00:57:48.563 He's still looking after us. 00:57:48.563 --> 00:57:52.804 Was there anything else you wanted to share? 00:57:53.844 --> 00:57:56.054 No, I feel like I've spoken so much. 00:57:56.074 --> 00:57:57.213 No, well, that was the point. 00:57:57.213 --> 00:58:00.494 I mean, that was the point of catching up with you and hearing your story. 00:58:02.143 --> 00:58:05.534 And like I said to you earlier, you know, I'm happy to be directed by you. 00:58:07.193 --> 00:58:12.563 I think I have two points here and they're very random. 00:58:12.628 --> 00:58:22.489 Um, in terms of they're not well thought out, but one thing that was obviously, uh, another one of those verses, I don't even know where it's from. 00:58:22.489 --> 00:58:24.318 I think you might, but no pressure. 00:58:24.409 --> 00:58:25.309 If you don't. 00:58:25.309 --> 00:58:28.398 Look, just because I serve as a pastor doesn't mean it's in my head. 00:58:28.688 --> 00:58:36.048 But I really repeated the, um, by prayer and repetition, make your requests known to God. 00:58:36.528 --> 00:58:40.989 Because again, from that people pleaser perspective, it was like. 00:58:41.733 --> 00:58:46.454 No, I shouldn't have any needs like I've, you know, you've got to always be thinking of someone else. 00:58:47.574 --> 00:58:54.634 And that really sat with me of, no, God asks us to bring our prayers. 00:58:54.994 --> 00:58:59.293 He doesn't say our good prayers, just bring them. 00:58:59.434 --> 00:59:08.514 And so I do pray a lot more now than I used to, and they're not so well thought out and they're not necessarily long and sometimes they go for ages, but. 00:59:09.009 --> 00:59:17.829 Um, if something is bothering me or I have a thought or something that's not helpful or a pain, then I am more honest. 00:59:17.829 --> 00:59:19.929 I go, God, I'm really feeling this. 00:59:20.358 --> 00:59:23.528 Even if it's, I feel like you're giving me more than I can handle. 00:59:24.338 --> 00:59:31.309 I know you say you won't, but I'm feeling like you are, you know, please help me with this. 00:59:31.338 --> 00:59:37.349 Please either take it away or show me what I'm meant to learn or just give me some support in this. 00:59:38.219 --> 00:59:43.409 And I would never have prayed like that, um, before. 00:59:43.829 --> 00:59:52.219 And then the other point, which I read more recently, and I'm not going to read it, but I've read 2 Corinthians 5, and I think it was the whole chapter. 00:59:52.798 --> 01:00:03.528 And I really appreciated that, or what I grabbed from it was that they kind of, whoever's talking, described earth as a tent. 01:00:04.603 --> 01:00:16.114 And whether my perspective on this is the actual real one, I'm, that is so reassuring to me because I grew up camping a lot. 01:00:16.264 --> 01:00:24.693 I know what tents are like, they're flimsy and they're definitely not meant for long term that it's a temporary thing. 01:00:25.304 --> 01:00:31.483 And to think of this life and this hand that Tim and I are kind of living. 01:00:33.139 --> 01:00:47.579 It is temporary, even if I was to suffer the way I was suffering until heaven, it's in, in perspective of eternity. 01:00:47.579 --> 01:00:50.568 And now it's still temporary. 01:00:51.188 --> 01:00:56.349 And then even when I broke it down, each season is temporary. 01:00:56.838 --> 01:00:58.728 And so at one point. 01:00:58.798 --> 01:01:16.182 Um, and I think it's really important that someone at church helped me break that down to hour by hour, because even the day, thinking of a day ahead felt too much, but God's word, when you do make the time to read it, it really does speak to you. 01:01:16.182 --> 01:01:27.938 You know what I'm sitting here and looking at you and all I can constantly say in my heart is just an overwhelming, um, testimony of God's grace. 01:01:28.018 --> 01:01:29.909 in your life. 01:01:30.539 --> 01:01:37.938 Um, and it's been a privilege to watch both of you and the journey that you guys are on hard. 01:01:37.938 --> 01:01:40.429 Yeah. 01:01:40.429 --> 01:01:42.438 Um, yeah, I don't know. 01:01:42.449 --> 01:01:44.061 Is there anything else that you want to share? 01:01:44.061 --> 01:01:48.469 Like, I feel like we could keep, I could keep chatting to you, but yeah, this is a podcast. 01:01:48.469 --> 01:01:49.559 We might have to keep chatting later. 01:01:49.898 --> 01:01:50.309 Yeah. 01:01:50.398 --> 01:01:50.699 Yeah. 01:01:50.719 --> 01:02:10.304 No, I think the only other thing that I had in my mind was that our You, of all people, and this is why I appreciate what you're saying, get, you were, I'm gonna say by God's grace, put in our lives so early. 01:02:10.344 --> 01:02:14.063 Like you mentioned at the beginning, you were, we were catching up. 01:02:14.614 --> 01:02:24.253 For your guidance when we were just dating and then that turned into what we called pre pre marriage when we were engaged and I would recommend that for a lot of people. 01:02:24.253 --> 01:02:24.483 Yeah. 01:02:24.534 --> 01:02:25.003 Yeah. 01:02:25.083 --> 01:02:32.574 And, and so would we now, even Tim who at first was not keen, but now he said I would recommend it to anyone. 01:02:33.153 --> 01:02:40.483 And so I can remember the first, one of the first conversations I had. 01:02:41.034 --> 01:02:55.773 With you, and all you said was just really asked how I was and just burst out into tears because I, there was so much going on that I never spoke about and that pressure that I keep talking of the people pleaser style. 01:02:56.293 --> 01:03:04.804 And so my point of saying this was that whenever you share feedback to me, it's really meaningful because. 01:03:05.434 --> 01:03:22.114 You know, I even said to Mel who was here last podcast, that I appreciate your feedback because Shabu saw me as the people pleasing, you know, ball of mess that I came, you know, that I was dealing with in that season. 01:03:23.213 --> 01:03:30.764 And then you and many other people from Canterbury have journeyed with us to the now. 01:03:31.579 --> 01:03:34.449 And when you say, man, I can see the difference. 01:03:34.469 --> 01:03:39.958 I really believe it because I know that you, you did journey with us through those. 01:03:40.398 --> 01:03:41.429 Well, and that's the thing. 01:03:41.429 --> 01:03:58.748 I mean, I'm tempted to edit all those bits out, but at the heart, what I'm hearing though, I think friends, if you're listening in, this is what the church bodies are meant to be like, uh, church family and community of coming alongside one another and loving one another as God calls us to. 01:03:58.778 --> 01:04:07.034 And, um, I know there are many who have walked along with you guys, not only that part of Canterbury necessarily, others as well, who've reached out. 01:04:09.434 --> 01:04:10.954 Jess, we love you heaps, mate. 01:04:11.184 --> 01:04:13.143 Uh, thank you for sharing your story. 01:04:13.483 --> 01:04:18.143 Uh, before I ask you to pray, uh, I'm going to read something for us, uh, from Hebrews. 01:04:18.143 --> 01:04:23.503 It says, since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the son of God. 01:04:24.264 --> 01:04:36.554 Um, Um, let us hold fast our confession for we don't have a high priest who's unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who's in every respect has been tempted as we are yet without sin. 01:04:36.884 --> 01:04:44.503 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. 01:04:46.414 --> 01:04:46.884 That's good. 01:04:47.824 --> 01:04:49.384 Would you like to pray for us and others? 01:04:49.454 --> 01:04:51.074 Yes, I would love to. 01:04:51.253 --> 01:04:51.653 Thank you. 01:04:53.514 --> 01:05:01.253 Lord Jesus, we thank you for the many blessings that you give us in our daily lives. 01:05:01.414 --> 01:05:11.574 Lord, we thank you that in your word, you tell us that you care and that you hear every prayer that we bring to you and that you ask us to bring them to you. 01:05:12.123 --> 01:05:16.134 And Lord, I just pray that if there's anyone listening who has. 01:05:16.719 --> 01:05:49.259 Resonated with any of the things that we've shared today, whether it be people pleasing or physical suffering, mental suffering, Lord, that something in what we've spoken about today would point them towards you and towards how loving you are and how gracious you are and the, the fact that you lived on this earth and experienced this, um, The things that we're experiencing now, Lord, that nothing we're going through is new to you. 01:05:49.259 --> 01:05:50.778 It doesn't catch you off guard. 01:05:52.289 --> 01:05:58.639 And so Lord, ultimately we just praise you and thank you for who you are, for what you've done. 01:05:58.809 --> 01:06:03.739 And we thank you for, um, our little church at Canterbury Gardens. 01:06:03.739 --> 01:06:08.849 We thank you for who you've placed in positions of authority. 01:06:08.878 --> 01:06:12.039 And we for the community that they strive so hard. 01:06:12.518 --> 01:06:28.789 Um, to create and Lord, as we continue to do podcasts like this, I just pray that, um, it would be a way to spread word about you to people that we wouldn't usually see on a day to day basis or not have access to. 01:06:29.628 --> 01:06:36.798 And we just pray that you would bring all of our friends and family home from their work and their daily lives. 01:06:37.153 --> 01:06:39.143 Um, that you'd bring them home safely today. 01:06:39.733 --> 01:06:42.103 And I thank you for Shabu and for his time. 01:06:42.634 --> 01:06:44.123 And we pray all these things in your name. 01:06:44.793 --> 01:06:44.963 Amen. 01:06:45.474 --> 01:06:45.983 Amen. 01:06:46.114 --> 01:06:47.523 Well, friends, that's it for now. 01:06:47.543 --> 01:06:47.963 Jess. 01:06:47.994 --> 01:06:48.543 Thank you. 01:06:48.554 --> 01:06:49.134 Thank you. 01:06:49.143 --> 01:06:55.074 Thank you for taking the time to hang out with us and say thanks to your good looking husband, Tim. 01:06:56.994 --> 01:06:57.454 I will. 01:06:57.664 --> 01:06:57.994 Okay. 01:06:58.023 --> 01:06:58.693 God bless everyone. 01:06:58.693 --> 01:06:59.233 Thank you.