Eliminate Limiting Beliefs: Become the Creator of Your Life | Shelly Lefkoe

Most people don’t fail because they lack talent.

They fail because they’re unknowingly living from beliefs formed long before they ever had a choice.

In this transformational episode, Dr. Alisa Whyte sits down with Shelly Lefkoe, Founder of the Lefkoe Institute and pioneer in eliminating limiting beliefs.

For over 35 years, Shelly has helped more than 150,000 people worldwide break free from fear, self-doubt, workaholism, people-pleasing, and performance-based identity.

This conversation isn’t about coping.

It’s about elimination.

Inside this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why traditional mindset strategies fail long-term
• The difference between changing behavior vs. eliminating beliefs
• The 5 core beliefs behind fear of public speaking
• How meaning creates emotion
• Why high achievers secretly feel “not good enough”
• The belief that changed Shelly’s life
• How to step into your identity as the Creator of your life

If you’ve struggled with visibility, leadership presence, fear of judgment, or defining your worth by achievements — this episode will shift you.

Connect with Shelly Lefkoe:

Instagram:
👉 https://www.instagram.com/shellylefkoe/

Website:
👉 https://www.mortylefkoe.com/

🎁 Use code ALISA25 for access to her free belief elimination resource.

Keep mastering your mindset.
Think. Speak. Do. Become. 💫

Transcript

Dr. Alisa Whyte (00:02.688)
And welcome back to Mindset Mastery Moments where we don't just talk about growth. We talk about the roof of growth. I want to start with a hard truth. And here it is. Most people don't fail because they lack talent, opportunity, or even discipline. They fail because they are unknowingly living from beliefs that were formed long before they even had a choice. And those beliefs are still running the show. Today's guest is someone I've wanted.

Shelly Lefkoe (00:25.656)
All

Dr. Alisa Whyte (00:32.018)
on this podcast for almost 10 months. Cause I ran into her profile and her work in February of 2025. And our work goes where most conversations end up stopping. She doesn't help people cope with limiting beliefs. She is a disruptor. She helps eliminate them.

And that distinction you all know is game changing for me. I believe that by all means. My guest today is Ms. Shelly Lefkoe, a transformational coach, bestselling author and founder of the Lefkoe Institute. For over 35 years, Shelly has helped more than, listen to this, 150,000 people. said over 35 years, 150,000.

people worldwide. You know what? Break free from beliefs that quietly sabotage their success in life, love, leadership and business. Listen, she is what I aim to.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:38.53)
Hahaha!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:40.146)
Her work has been featured in Forbes, the New York Times and top tier platforms, including mind Valley podcasts. And that's one of my goals to be on mine Valley, right? The Dr. Mark Hyman show and the Jim Kiki key weeks podcast. Shelly listen, my dear grow it's quick. She'll tell us Shelly.

We are so excited to finally have you sit down with us. Thank you for giving me your Saturday, just a little few hours you're giving us here at mindset master moments. We are so happy to have this conversation long overdue. Please in your own words, tell us who you are, what you do and how you disrupt disruptors.

Shelly Lefkoe (02:09.454)
Thank

Shelly Lefkoe (02:23.768)
I love that, Alyssa. I love that. Thank you for that wonderful introduction. And I love your podcast and I think everybody should give you five stars. Yeah. So about 40, almost 40 years ago now, my late husband was looking, everybody listen, this is very important. You know how we all have, listen up.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:35.137)
Thank you.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:49.64)
Listen up.

Shelly Lefkoe (02:52.152)
You know how we all have things that we know we should do and we don't do them. We know we should exercise. We know we should eat healthily. We know we should be more present with people and we're not. We're looking at our phones or we're doing, you know, whatever we're doing and not doing what we know we should be doing. And we all have things that we are doing that we know we should stop doing, you know, like.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (02:59.777)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (03:20.706)
eating junk food or texting while you drive or staying in a relationship that you know is not nurturing and healthy. We all have things where we want to become entrepreneurs and own our own business or launch that video or write that book and we're not doing them. So Morty was looking at why is that? People are smart. We're not stupid. We know what to do.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (03:23.946)
Yep.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (03:31.123)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (03:47.446)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (03:49.6)
At a time where nobody was talking about beliefs, people used to say, mean religious beliefs? What do you mean beliefs? Now I was just at a, you said Jim Quick, I was just at Jim Quick's Limitless Conference and there were 30 speakers and I don't think one of them didn't use the word beliefs because now everybody knows that your beliefs determine your behavior, your emotions and

Dr. Alisa Whyte (04:10.435)
beliefs.

Shelly Lefkoe (04:18.762)
ultimately your reality. People who believe life is hard have hard lives. It's very simple. So I want to, so he was on a plane looking at why this was happening and downloaded this process and came home and showed it to me. And as I say on every podcast, pretty much that I do spirit, I watched him do it and spirit knocked me off my chair.

And I said, I heard this voice say, this is what you're here to do. This is your Dharma. So I've been doing it for over 35 years and there's never a day where I'm not in awe and gratitude of what I get to do with people. So we're gonna talk about first what a belief is. Because a lot of people,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (04:58.177)
Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:06.849)
Mm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:16.917)
Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (05:19.01)
don't understand the difference between a belief and an issue or a pattern. So a belief is a statement about reality that we hold as the truth.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:24.705)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (05:32.207)
A pattern is what you want to get rid of. And it's generally behavioral or emotional. So you're, again, doing something that you don't want to do or you're not doing something you want to do. You're feeling something you don't want to feel. You have anxiety, you have depression, you have fear, you know. So those are the issues or the patterns.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:35.339)
Cheers.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:41.633)
you

Dr. Alisa Whyte (05:50.433)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (06:01.378)
that you wanna change and underlying every one of them are beliefs. And when you get rid of the beliefs, the patterns go away. And I love what you said in the introduction, it was wonderful. You said, I don't just identify beliefs or I don't just.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (06:03.521)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (06:21.931)
Five leaves. Yes. You eliminate them. You don't just teach people how to cope. You teach them how to eliminate them. Yep.

Shelly Lefkoe (06:24.984)
I eliminate them. You eliminate them. I don't teach people how to cope. Right. We eliminate the beliefs so that there is nothing to cope with.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (06:36.651)
with. Right. Right. Because who, who, when they have, if someone enters, you know, a leg and they're using a cane or crutch, they're not looking forward to having that crutch forever. They're going to therapy so that they can eliminate the need for a crutch. So why on earth do we think we have to put up with belief systems?

or behaviors that are counterfeit to what we say we want to become and what God has created us to be. If whatever your belief, if it's got the universe spirit, all of it, or why you're here. mean, if you don't want to attach to anything outside of you, if why you believe you're here, I say you, what you say you want to become, you don't have to put up with it, but those belief systems determines your behaviors and those behaviors determine your outcomes.

And that's why I have things speak to become so Shelley, here's the thing I want you to help us understand because so many high performers are doing all the right things. They're doing therapy, coaching, personal development, reading the books, listening to even this podcast yet they still feel stuck. What are they missing?

Shelly Lefkoe (07:54.008)
So there's a couple of things.

High achievers generally are not happy or are all not happy. But what's missing is that they have become human doings and not human beings.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:14.827)
Drop that mic.

Shelly Lefkoe (08:16.334)
So when we're little and what we get acknowledged for is achieving things is what I call grades and goals, you start thinking what makes me good enough is achieving things. And so...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:18.389)
Hahaha!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:25.408)
huh.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:33.064)
Mmm, come on.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (08:39.937)
Come on.

Shelly Lefkoe (08:42.388)
You don't feel good enough as a kid because we all get criticized by our parents. And when you don't live up to expectations, the child says, why can't I live up to my parents' expectations? Well, I guess I'm not good enough. So now I have what I call a beach ball, a belief. I'm not good enough. And now one day I get acknowledged for something. And it doesn't have to be achievements. Taking care of people, could be

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:01.953)
Yes, that's my beach ball.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:07.979)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (09:11.31)
pleasing people, could be a lot of different things. But we're going to talk for now about high achieving. So I get acknowledged for getting an A or scoring a goal, right? So now I win an award, I win a prize and everybody makes a big deal and your parents are so happy. And you start, you conclude what makes me good enough is achieving things.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:18.635)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:24.425)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (09:40.495)
So now I have to keep this beach ball called I'm not good enough underwater. So as long as I'm achieving, the ball stays underwater. If you stop, it comes up in your face. And I'm gonna tell you a story that a lot of you can probably relate to, which is in my book, Hitting the Wall for Entrepreneurs. It's really for everybody. So I got a call one day,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:40.513)
Mm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:47.563)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (09:51.915)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (10:00.628)
in the wall. Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (10:10.8)
actually before the internet, it's very interesting that I tell this one story because it was so...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (10:16.149)
Some days, I just want five days without the internet.

Shelly Lefkoe (10:19.663)
I want five minutes. Totally. So this man called me up and he said, I have a problem. said, okay, what's your problem? He said, I'm worth $10 million. I'm on the cover of business publications. He said, I don't know my kids. My second wife is ready to leave me. I keep promising I'm going to come home for dinner.

I keep promising I'm going to go to their plays and go to their games and I never make it. And he said to me, when is it gonna be enough?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (11:04.817)
Mm. That's what I want to ask him.

Shelly Lefkoe (11:05.517)
And I said, never, never, how many wives are you gonna lose? How many nights are you gonna feel guilty because you're not there for your children?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (11:18.145)
show up. Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (11:21.305)
But when you have the belief, what makes me important or what makes me good enough are my achievements, guess what? You can't stop working. So those are the beliefs that are mostly under workaholism.

And that's what's.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (11:48.146)
And that is a bigger addiction than sometimes alcohol because you can see the down wrong spiral of alcoholism or any other type of drug quicker than you can see workaholism. Here's why I think, Shelly, because you keep performing for the masses and it looks really good on lights, on magazine covers, in people's bank accounts.

in outfits, in homes, in cars, and everybody is happy with it. And no one says, I'm worried about Alisa. She's always working. They don't care because they have all the other things. Now you've immediate circle the wife, the kids are going to care. After a while they despise you and they despise the money, the cars, the homes, but everybody else is applauding you. So you're like, man, it's just these four people and everybody else loves it. So you're like, I'm kind of going to keep going here because it's keeping me from.

Shelly Lefkoe (12:25.775)
That's right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (12:45.057)
Like you said, the beach ball coming up. So this is a dangerous addiction. Hit us with it. Hit us with it, Shelly.

Shelly Lefkoe (12:47.225)
Yeah, yeah, but here's what's so sad about it. know, people often say to me, you know, there's a legacy and we leave legacies and we have generational trauma. And that is not where I go. I go to a very simple place. If a child comes into this world and doesn't get attention from his parents,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (12:54.837)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (13:07.393)
Mmm, I'm leaned in.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (13:12.918)
Hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (13:16.951)
or her parents, she is gonna conclude, I'm not important. Now she needs to find a way to be important. So she sees her father or her mother successful and working all the time and she says, I guess what makes me important is working all the time. And then she has the same pattern, right? So.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (13:44.484)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (13:46.455)
So it's very, very important to look at, particularly as a parent, what is my child concluding based on my behavior? Because it doesn't only affect your life, it's not your burnout, it's not your, your children are gonna conclude things based on what you do and don't do, which is where your beliefs came from. Because...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (13:58.978)
Mmm.

It is.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:14.741)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (14:15.791)
Here's the thing, I talk about, in my book, talk about watering all the plants. So if you had a lot of plants in your house, would you ever water just one?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:25.697)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:31.093)
I did when I was growing up. no, we had to them all. And if you didn't do them right, my mother made us, she wasn't happy and we had to go do it all over again.

Shelly Lefkoe (14:39.919)
But why? Why do you have to water all the plants?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:43.883)
so that they can all live and flourish. So easy, right?

Shelly Lefkoe (14:46.799)
Good. Exactly. And I love that you said, so they don't die, but you said it better. said, so they could live and flourish. And yet we water one plant. Career. What about your relationship plant? And what about your health plant? And what about your hobby, free time plant? And what about your

Dr. Alisa Whyte (14:53.473)
You're right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (15:10.721)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (15:15.53)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (15:17.263)
We have all these plants and just water one and the rest are dying and not vibrant and alive. Makes no sense.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (15:20.449)
Yes. Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (15:30.453)
Yes.

So Shelly, I want you to talk about this because part of the complication or the conflict that I've been noting as I get older is with our societal change and structure, which is well needed, I believe that women and mothers should be able to choose whether they want to work or stay at home, whatever that looks like. You should have the choice. But I believe because a lot of when we look at

the fact that when a child is born and I'm going for the United States, I know there's different structures around the world, but I'm going to focus on the U S because that's where we live. That's where we work. and we're one of the leading nations on the planet up until now. So here in the U S women typically women, I'm petty. Am I not women typically get, I think six weeks and some end up with three months maternity leave.

if they are working mother and there is no embedded, not generally speaking, men don't have a maternity leave at most cooperation. So they're going to get their bottoms to work. So basically it's the mother that gets to stay home for those six weeks. And a lot of women in, they're, if you're not making a certain level of income, they have to find a childcare situation for that six week old child. Some women will opt to take an extra two weeks of vacation, whatever.

But the max I know of is about three months before they kick back to work. So someone else or an institution now has your child from about three months old. If this type of thing that you just laid out so beautiful, which I subscribe to at a hundred percent, let me tell y'all, I get most of the people come on here. They are, I screen them and they're speaking.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (17:28.885)
my language. If I disagree, will know. But what Shelly told you is my, that is the reason why I do so much work just on myself. What is happening? Because we're not as a mother, I'm not necessarily spending the waking hours with my child. So should our schools and childcare facilities be equipped with this type of information and understand that you are really here responsible for forming

the view and the life view of another human being and taking on almost as much responsibility as a parent, tell us what your thoughts are on that.

Shelly Lefkoe (18:04.143)
God, it's my least favorite. It's very loaded because yes, think I, you know, I took off nine years and you know, when people say, do you do? And people say, I'm just a mother. I used to say, I'm responsible for the physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual development of two human beings.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:06.527)
I know it's loaded and-

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:11.105)
But go for it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:18.067)
Mmmmm

Shelly Lefkoe (18:34.255)
I'm a professional mother. And they'd say, what? Oh, tell me more. So that the first thing is that I think being a parent is the most intellectually rigorous, emotionally rigorous thing you can do. to say I'm just a mother is insane. Now, not everybody has the luxury.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:37.237)
Yes!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:45.761)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (18:53.377)
assignment you will ever have on the planet. Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (19:01.013)
Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (19:03.691)
of staying home. I understand that. And the only thing I can say is that make sure your child is in a nurturing environment. Make sure if you travel, you call your child from the road and you say from wherever you are and say, tell me about your day. I want to hear everything.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (19:19.956)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (19:32.675)
I don't care if you have 10 minutes in between meetings, tell me about the game. How did you play? Did you have fun? You know, was it an easy team or a hard team? Tell me everything. So just because you work doesn't mean that your child's gonna have negative beliefs. And you have to be conscious of what they're concluding. So you might wanna say to your child, you know,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (19:50.997)
Right, come on.

Shelly Lefkoe (20:01.699)
I had my druthers. I would spend every minute of my day with you. There's nobody I would rather be with. And you don't have to say, have to work. You can say, but there's another part of mommy that wants to be a doctor or that wants to help people or that, you know, has needs my creative outlet. But when, when I'm with you, you will have my undivided attention because I promise you.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (20:30.207)
Make sure that's the case.

Shelly Lefkoe (20:31.631)
If you do this when your child is talking to you, they're not going to feel very important.

So I think that if you can find somebody to be with your child that's loving and nurturing and supportive, that's awesome. If it's gonna be a daycare situation, make sure that the people get, that they're trained, that they don't just pay attention to the kids who are crying. Do your due diligence.

in finding a place for your children where they are going to be in a positive environment. And it's really important.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (21:21.895)
And don't, I'm going to say this as a little tip because I've worked in the industry of overlooking laws and legislation and also running and licensing childcare facilities and part of my journey. Don't just look at the paint on the wall, the pictures and those little curriculum books that they will present you and charge you more than your mortgage per month. That

Isht is not going to matter if your child feels neglected because of high teacher to child ratios. They will feel partially neglected because just picture you being a woman who is responsible for 18 to 24 year olds. You could not do that. You know, and still give them undivided attention. So know that this is the experience.

and understand that those quality questions when it comes to how they interact, what they integrate, what they teach, how they teach, how they handle and solve those conflicts that are happening amongst the children in the classroom and spend time observing. That's our tip. We're not going to try to be childcare, but I'm telling you it matters because these belief systems, and here's my question, because now we're dealing with a lot of adults who now we're

doing mindset strategy work. But I know this is why I say my thing is first know your true values and core beliefs. And I'm not talking about the ones you observed or you took on in your church from your mama or your daddy only, because those are the ones that are there. You have to test them and connect with each of them on an individual level to check to see if they're truly yours and they hold true for you. That's my theory.

But here's what I'm going to ask you, because a lot of people think that when you hear mindset mastery moments to podcast, we're teaching you about mindset. Yes, we are, but it's not the only, the method of mastering your mindset is where Shelley and all of us intersect these beliefs system. Why do mindset strategies fail long-term Shelley? And the second question to that is give us the difference between

Dr. Alisa Whyte (23:46.867)
changing behavior and eliminating beliefs.

Shelly Lefkoe (23:50.519)
Yeah, so I wanna, your first question is very powerful. Why do most mindset techniques not work? So imagine everyone listening. You come into this world and you say, mommy, mommy, look what I did. And she goes, not now, honey, I'm busy.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (23:55.073)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (24:14.573)
And then you come around later and go, mommy, I have to tell you what happened. And she said, wait till I get off the phone, not now. And that keeps happening. Here's the thing. You not only conclude I'm not important, or what I have to say is not important. Now listen, this is very, very, very important.

It feels like you saw I'm not important.

So when I say to people, you ever see I'm not good enough? They go, as a kid, every day of my life. Now, you can see my iPhone, right? You can see my cup. You cannot see I'm not good enough.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (25:07.999)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (25:13.473)
Shelly Lefkoe (25:15.799)
You can see parents criticizing you. You can see an F on your report card. You can see your father saying you're not good enough, but you can't see I'm not good enough. That is a construct. And that's what a belief, see people always talk about belief systems.

I have no idea what a belief system is, but I know what a belief, and everybody, everybody says it. Everybody says it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know what, yeah, everybody does it. Yeah. But it's a belief. It's life is hard. Money is scarce and hard to get. I don't fit in. I'm not good enough. And here's the thing.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (25:48.13)
It's just become a trend. Yes. You have to tackle your belief systems. Yeah. We've all fallen for it. I have, I've been one that does. I'm trying to figure out what the system is. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (26:14.265)
I'm going to say this twice. It is impossible to not believe something you think you saw.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (26:26.687)
You saw, you felt, you heard.

Shelly Lefkoe (26:28.175)
It is impossible, no, it is impossible to not believe something that you think you saw. So if somebody said to you, Dr. Alyssa doesn't wear glasses, what would you, if any of you have seen her, she does. And so you'd say, well, yes, she does. And they say, no, she doesn't. You'd say, of course she does.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (26:40.289)
Dr. Alisa Whyte (26:49.185)
She does.

Shelly Lefkoe (26:57.293)
I saw her wearing them. They could not convince you that she doesn't wear glasses because you saw her wearing glasses. So in the personal growth world, right, you can do affirmations, right? And you're going, I'm good enough. I'm good enough. I'm good enough. I'm good enough.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (27:09.953)
Hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (27:18.485)
What I saw that I'm not good enough.

Shelly Lefkoe (27:21.707)
And as long as you think you saw it, it's not going anywhere.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (27:28.609)
So Shelly quick question, because I said, I heard, I tasted, I smell, and you said, and I want, I love that. I love when I have a misunderstanding and I'm able to catch it because other people do the same. You said, what you saw. Why not what I heard? And when I asked the question, when I, when you said, I'm like, she's right. Because if Shelly tells me Dr. Alisa wears glasses,

I'll go, well, maybe she don't because I never saw her. I'll question it, right? See how quick that was.

Shelly Lefkoe (28:04.879)
Because if you hear it, you can say, well, maybe I heard wrong. So maybe I heard wrong. Maybe she didn't really say that. But if you see it, there's no question. There's no question.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (28:10.922)
WRONG!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (28:20.149)
We're done, we're gonna fight. I'm gonna fight with you because I saw her.

Shelly Lefkoe (28:26.263)
Right. our feelings, I'm not going to get into this because it's confusing to people.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (28:29.333)
Mm-hmm.

This could be another episode.

Shelly Lefkoe (28:36.108)
All of your feelings come from the meaning you give events.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (28:44.705)
Mmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (28:45.593)
and the meaning you give events generally come from your beliefs.

So if you believe...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (28:52.801)
period.

Shelly Lefkoe (28:57.097)
Men are dangerous. That's your belief. Men can't be trusted. Men are dangerous. And a man looks at you like, just looks at you, you go, he's gonna hurt me. Or, here goes. So the meaning, if you believe dogs are dangerous and a dog comes into the room, you'll give it the meaning, dog's gonna hurt me, right? If you believe,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:01.409)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:04.789)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:12.769)
Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (29:24.911)
I'll never get what I want. And somebody says, no, you give it the meaning. See, I'll never get what I want. There it is. So the moment we give meaning, we have a feeling, right? If you give it the meaning, something's dangerous, you're gonna feel fear. If you give the meaning that I'll never get what I want, you're gonna feel sad, right? So.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:39.317)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:48.817)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (29:53.817)
So events don't have meaning, meaning's in your mind. So that's why I say it's not about your feelings because your feelings come after you conclude, after you create beliefs.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (29:58.764)
Right? Meaning is in your mind.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (30:08.321)
after you created the beliefs. And that's what I had a few people ask me. Well, where do, well, the question is where do thoughts come from? And I wanna ask you that so we can hear your response to that. Where do thoughts come from? Because we talk about think, speak, do, become. What is your answers to where do thoughts come from?

Shelly Lefkoe (30:32.065)
Only one place.

Shelly Lefkoe (30:36.975)
your head, your mind, all thoughts. And thoughts are meaning, right? Meaning is what I know for sure. You know, she didn't kiss me. That means she doesn't like me anymore. They didn't call back. That means they're not gonna hire me. Or the stock market is down. That means I'm gonna go broke, you know? Yeah, so thoughts, which beliefs are thoughts, right?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (30:45.786)
Mmm. Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (30:59.989)
Be broke, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:06.667)
That's what I was gonna say,

Shelly Lefkoe (31:07.183)
your mind. We look at the world. So I'm sure you've all heard the expression at this point. We're meaning making machines.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:10.879)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:19.585)
mean, yep, yep.

Shelly Lefkoe (31:21.24)
We make meaning all day long.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:25.217)
That's all we do. That's all we do.

Shelly Lefkoe (31:27.207)
And meaning is in your mind, it's not in events, right? And all of our suffering comes from the meaning we give. So when you talk about a belief, a belief gets formed in the past and it's our beliefs that run us. Meaning gets formed in the moment and it's the meaning that creates our feelings.

our beliefs create our behavior, right? You believe what makes me good enough is achieving things, or what makes me good enough is working hard. Guess what you're gonna be doing, right?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (31:59.754)
A-V-E-Rs. Yes!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (32:11.487)
working hard and achieving things, no doubt.

Shelly Lefkoe (32:15.083)
our lives are consistent with our beliefs.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (32:21.131)
So a huge part of my audience, know because of some of the questions I've seen come in, they struggle with visibility, public speaking, leadership presence, fear of judgment. Why is it that fear is so persistent even when people are objectively successful?

Shelly Lefkoe (32:41.891)
Yeah, it's so funny. I had a CEO recently and he had 1200 employees and he said, Jelly, every time I walk out to speak to them, I'm a nervous wreck. And I said, you do know that the minute you walk into the room, they're nervous wrecks.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (32:54.433)
you

Dr. Alisa Whyte (33:07.229)
a good I'm pretty sure they are when you're that top level yeah they're like my gosh

Shelly Lefkoe (33:13.603)
Yeah, and here's why.

Again, if you believe what, I'm gonna harp on this one belief because it's your audience are successful people. If you believe what makes me good enough is being successful, a successful person walks in the room, you don't see yourself as successful, you're gonna feel not good enough, right? Now, I wanna talk about fear of public speaking.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (33:25.867)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (33:41.002)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (33:41.997)
number one fear in the country. And then I'll talk about, and then I'll talk about all fear. So underlying fear of public speaking is the only pattern that has the same beliefs for everybody. Okay. I once, I went to ask my daughter when I was working with fear, used to be a niche until I got so bored, I couldn't stand it anymore.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (33:44.767)
in the world, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (34:02.113)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (34:10.841)
because it's so easy.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (34:12.705)
I actually did a whole coaching certification on dealing with fear. Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (34:16.975)
Yeah, it's so easy to get rid of. And so, so it has the same beliefs for everybody, right? I wanted to ask my daughter, do you have a fear of public speaking? And she looked at me and she said, what? And I said, if there were a thousand people in the room, would you feel fear? And she looks at me and she says, will they have weapons?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (34:29.291)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (34:51.103)
What? Talk about fearless.

Shelly Lefkoe (34:53.559)
Why would I be afraid? Speaking to people is not scary. Okay? Here's what.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (34:56.619)
You

Dr. Alisa Whyte (35:01.077)
Wow, I love that. You raised her right.

Shelly Lefkoe (35:04.483)
Yes, I do. So, and you should see her speak. mean, she's...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (35:10.987)
I'm going to look her up.

Shelly Lefkoe (35:13.141)
She's a killer. Yeah, she's the force of nature, Ms. Britt Lefkoe. So...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (35:16.331)
my goodness, it's awesome.

Mmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (35:25.561)
Here are the beliefs. They're five most common beliefs. I'm not good enough. I'm not important. Mistakes and failures are bad. And I don't care if you've read every business book on the shelf, you still have the belief. If you do, if I make a mistake or fail, I'll be rejected. I'm not capable.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (35:44.811)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (35:50.761)
Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (35:55.511)
What I have to say is not important. People aren't interested in what I have to say. Now, here's the belief that changed my life. What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (36:08.929)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (36:17.749)
What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. Why?

Shelly Lefkoe (36:24.035)
That's the belief most people have.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (36:27.07)
that's the general belief. When you put that over, yeah, that crowns everything. The other five, yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (36:31.023)
What makes me good enough is having other people think well of me. So if I believe that, where's my focus? Is Alyssa, does she like me? Do you like me? Are you listening? And if I'm speaking to...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (36:39.947)
Mm-hmm. On.

Did she notice how many people count? How many people viewed my stories? How many people viewed my, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (36:52.707)
Yeah, so.

Shelly Lefkoe (36:56.781)
When I got rid of, I used to walk away from conversations going, did I say the right thing? Did she like me? Did I do the right thing? Torture, torture. What was I gonna wear? Was I gonna be too dressed, underdressed? I'll call my friends, I'll see what they're wearing. When I got rid of that belief, you guys, I call it my Martin Luther King Jr. because I really was free at last.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (37:03.425)
That's a torture, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (37:25.845)
Blast! Yes!

Shelly Lefkoe (37:27.225)
Free to be my authentic self. New York accent, you know, what you see is what you get. Big, know, bold. That's who I am. And you know what? When I got rid of that belief, you guys, and I realized I'm not everybody's cup of tea.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (37:42.113)
Yes! Yes! Yes!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (37:55.732)
And I don't wanna be.

Shelly Lefkoe (37:58.967)
And neither is anybody listening, anybody's property.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:00.214)
And if you're you know, no, I'm saying, I'm not everybody's cup of tea either. And I don't want to be, I'm not for everybody.

Shelly Lefkoe (38:08.207)
Yeah. But here's what happens here. If you look at your lives, you're going to see what I'm saying. Somebody comes over to you and says, Oh my God, you are so wonderful. Alyssa, I love your podcast and you're so smart and you have great guests. And you go, I'm good enough. And then somebody walks over and says, you know, I don't appreciate what you said on your show because you said something and blah, blah, blah. And you go, Oh God, I'm not good enough.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:15.038)
Yes!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:33.078)
Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (38:38.007)
And then that person comes in the next day and says, I was crazy yesterday. I found out my husband was cheating on me. I really love you. think your podcast is wonderful. I think you're wonderful. And you go, I'm good enough. I'm not good enough. Your neighbor comes in and says, they like you. And it's just like, but here's the, but here's the power. The only thing that's changing is the voice in your head.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (38:52.549)
So you're doing this all day. It's a meter.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (39:02.859)
Yes, give it to us.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (39:08.641)
Mm.

Shelly Lefkoe (39:09.133)
You're not changing, you're the same person. So how could you be good enough or not good enough based on what other people think?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (39:17.227)
Come on.

Shelly Lefkoe (39:20.065)
And when you get rid of that belief and you get, it's okay. I like to wear sleeveless clothes and I lift weights and I have very pumped arms, except I have this, right?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (39:39.871)
I have skin right under there too. Me too, right there. But I got some good muscles there though.

Shelly Lefkoe (39:42.519)
and chicken wings.

Right. And so I don't usually read all the comments under the things that I do because I just don't have time. And I should because I should answer everybody. So I got so I got a Google alert and I was speaking in front of a big room and I didn't know where I was and I clicked on it and I see all these comments.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (39:58.466)
You can try!

Shelly Lefkoe (40:15.021)
And I just start reading them. And of course, I love her. She's wonderful. She's amazing. And then all of a sudden it said, well, I'm glad she has the confidence to wear a sleeveless dress.

Shelly Lefkoe (40:30.543)
And I just went, how are you just going to tell me? It was just like, and you know, it's funny because afterwards I thought, you know, maybe they really meant that. Maybe they thought it was cool that I have the confidence to do it. I don't think that's what they.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (40:30.721)
Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potato.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (40:47.969)
That's not what they meant, but that's a choice you choose to give meaning to. You chose what meaning you want to give it. We never going to know. The truth is we never going to know because I feel like there's an air of someone who really could possibly think it's really cool that you didn't feel bad to not to cover up your arm because it don't look like Michelle Obama's arm. Cause you know, she's the lady that we talked about arms all our life.

Shelly Lefkoe (40:54.509)
And I don't know what they Exactly. Wait.

Shelly Lefkoe (41:17.197)
Totally.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (41:17.811)
And she just made a, she just wrote a book called The Look. I watched her first interview with Robin. I forgot what her name is, but Robin. And she said that the first thing people will do when it comes to women, when we are successful and we're building amazing and we're making sure we're impacting people around the world, they're going to attack the way we look. And I'll tell you what in this world today, whenever I'm scrolling on social media.

It is always women saying the worst things about women and their body parts, their dress, their lipstick, they're here. And it's usually because they don't have the nerve to step to the world on a microphone in their imperfection. And that's a them problem, not a me problem.

Shelly Lefkoe (42:03.215)
And it's Robin Robbins and I am obsessed with Michelle Obama, obsessed and that this woman, this great icon of a human being that we're talking about her arms and that she's wearing sleeveless clothes. Are you kidding me?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:13.686)
Yes.

Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:19.873)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:28.265)
Yes!

Hating me.

Shelly Lefkoe (42:32.911)
You know, it's just, but again, if you're in a place and you know, what's interesting, what I found fascinating about her is she didn't wear her hair the way she's wearing it now because she didn't want to distract from her message. She didn't want to give people

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:50.625)
Now that was fascinating.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (42:57.867)
How?

Shelly Lefkoe (43:01.595)
something else to talk about. And now she's like, I'm out. know, she is, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (43:03.211)
to talk about.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (43:09.121)
And you know what, you know what I'll say? I'm so glad she said that because Shelly as a woman, a woman, ethnic multicultural woman with curly kinky hair, one of the things very, before I even stepped out and started speaking and doing global work or I was just doing my corporate job, but I noticed when I let my hair curly out,

and I was out in public, I was treated differently. People were more distracted by my hair. They're like, my gosh, your hair is so beautiful. What do you put in it? How do you keep it so curly? And it just, I'm trying to get stuff done in a bank and it's a conversation. But no one asked me about my hair when I wear it down like this. So I decided that that's the hair and now it became sort of a brand and it's, but it's easy to do. I just.

Shelly Lefkoe (43:39.887)
Hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (43:58.541)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (44:04.365)
bundle it up, I curl it once, you know, and then I have to, because I work out all the time, it's just easier to maintain. If I did do braids or do what Michelle does, it's a lot more work. So I mean, again, we went up, but that's looking at how people respond to you. It is their belief systems. And you can't take ownership for that.

What you have ownership is the meaning you gave. And that's your example in your response is the meaning you give. You're like, maybe she's just proud of the fact. Maybe she's just impressed by the fact that I, you just always tilt the ball over in your favor and you can only do that when your inert belief is I'm worried because I'm alive.

Shelly Lefkoe (44:52.907)
And really believe that, not just say, because when I ask people, what makes you worthy or what makes you good enough or what makes you important, nobody says nothing. I just am. They tell me some.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (44:55.412)
not just say it

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:09.653)
Wow. Yes, they, it's always attached to. So for me, my true response is because I'm here. Hello.

Shelly Lefkoe (45:19.853)
And I want to end, yeah, and I want to.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:21.473)
is here wherever I am. I'm here in my bedroom, I'm here in my bathroom, I'm here in my car, I'm here.

Shelly Lefkoe (45:26.947)
Yeah. And I want to, I want to say something, Alyssa, about high achieving, high achievers. It's, it's, there's nothing wrong with the game. High achieving. It's when you define yourself by your achievements and you think it means something about you. Well, like Richard Branson is somehow more important than you, you know,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:33.781)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (45:47.425)
Achievements.

Shelly Lefkoe (45:56.975)
I've worked with celebrities. I don't talk about it. And people say to me, but Shelley, that gives you credibility. And I say, why? Are they more important than my other clients? It's like when people get up there and they go, I work with this one and I work with that one. It's like, so what? Who cares? Yeah, exactly. So.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:01.356)
Yes.

No it doesn't.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:09.921)
Come on.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:15.283)
or I'm coached and mentor by this one.

No, you would see it's like I met some very influential people in our thought leadership space, Shelly. And I don't people's I have colleagues who are like, why didn't you post that? Why didn't you post that? And I'm like, why? I post motivation. I post mindset transformation. That's what my page is for. It is not brag. Look at me. What does that mean about me? Thank you. And it's funny because here's the thing. Like you said,

Shelly Lefkoe (46:40.031)
I love you. I think you are so awesome.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (46:48.829)
You got hit in the head and spirit told you this is what I needed to do.

God never told, when he told me what I need to do, he never told me that you get to be better because you meet Shelly LeFoe, or you met Barack Obama, or you had dinner with, with, Melania and Donald. No, he never said that. He said, you have to go tell these people. And that's it. He did not say that that's going to be whether you felt good or you felt bad or you felt, it had nothing to do with it. So I'm not going to try to create and focus on that.

I believe, I always tell people, know what you think about yourself when you're in the presence of someone who's a claim to be great. This is me. Hello, Mr. Trump. It's wonderful to meet you. And I got a few things I got to ask you. I got a few things that I have questions about. I'm curious. And you know what? I could have asked this on social media, but now I have you here. Who better to ask? Let's go. Well, hello.

That's probably what he committed because my questions are not going to be different for Shelly. I know, but I'm just saying to people, no, what I'm saying is he is the dawn of the land right now. He's in the highest office in the USA. Right? So you, most people are intimidated when they meet people that are in power or has been, I'm not, I feel like I have the opportunity now to learn something that I didn't know before. And that's it, or give value in a situation that I've never been in before.

Shelly Lefkoe (47:50.211)
So let's change the station. Yeah. Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (48:06.649)
That's right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (48:20.541)
That's my thought. I don't think that it's to make me better than the other person who have never been in their presence. And that's my belief system. But that's because I believe something my parents put in me is that every room and space I am in is that I get to make a contribution. Not because I'm greater or lesser. And I feel like that's why.

Shelly Lefkoe (48:44.59)
and let me.

I love that and I want to say something about that. I once sent out a holiday card and it's perfect for this time of year. Well, although I don't know when this is going to air. What you say interests people. What you do maybe interests people. Who you are inspires them.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:05.025)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:08.833)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:13.631)
oooo

Shelly Lefkoe (49:15.011)
What you do interests people, who you are inspires them. Now I want to tell you a story.

When my husband died, we had a hundred people in our home and they would still be sharing if I let them. But what every single person said was this. He was the most non-judgmental person I've ever met. He was present and

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:25.505)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:33.857)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:39.873)
Mm.

Shelly Lefkoe (49:50.933)
always made everyone feel special. He had integrity. He was the most loving man I ever met. My daughter, my other daughter in Hawaii, stood up and said, I not only knew I was loved unconditionally every day of my life, but to never feel

Dr. Alisa Whyte (49:57.857)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:02.706)
ever met.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:17.025)
Mmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (50:20.461)
judged. That was my father. Not one person, you guys, talked about his accomplishments, not of which he had many. Many. Not one person. They talk about who you are.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:40.811)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:46.239)
and how he made them feel.

Shelly Lefkoe (50:46.413)
What, you know, it's so interesting, you know, if you Google somebody famous like Michael Jordan, it's either gonna say he contributes to people, he gives like, what's his name? God, the one who owns the movie theaters, I can't think of his name right now, he's a basketball player.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (50:54.998)
Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (51:13.679)
But Michael, somebody said, you know, or if they look you up and they say, he's an asshole, he's not nice to people, you know, he's rude, you know, then he's an asshole. And that's how he's remembered. He was the greatest basketball player that ever lived, but he was an asshole. And that's the thing. Nobody at your memorial is gonna say, oh, she made or he made $50 million.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:14.675)
She's not coming to me.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:23.403)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:29.396)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:33.525)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:41.729)
$50 million, come on.

Shelly Lefkoe (51:42.647)
or he was a billionaire, it's like, who cares? You look at billionaires, Bill Gates is gonna end malaria and actually does something with his money that's useful. Jeff Bezos, they had an embarrassment to giving money away. And we're in a world where people are, children are starving and he's got a boat the size of a...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:46.623)
No one cares.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (51:55.551)
Yes, right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:01.95)
Yes, yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:07.665)
Yes. And we're stockpiling billions and billions and billions.

Shelly Lefkoe (52:12.975)
You know, so people are gonna remember who you are, not what you do. Who you are is how you be as a friend. When I die, what they're gonna say about me, she was an amazing friend.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:13.949)
Never can understand it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:19.473)
Mm-hmm. That's right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:25.397)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:30.781)
Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.

Shelly Lefkoe (52:32.919)
I have a friend named Marcy Shymoff. Some of you may know her from your year of miracles. When Marcy, when Morty died, she said, I will be there to remind you that you can still be happy and have fun. And I looked at her and I said, are you kidding? I'm never gonna be happy. I have fun again. And she said, yes, you will.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:42.271)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (52:57.117)
Yeah, that can be so.

Shelly Lefkoe (52:59.095)
And she called and she said, I have tickets to see Diana Ross. And off we went. I have tickets to see the Beach Boys and off we went. We're going to go see Trevor Noah and off we went. And 10 years later, we just drove an hour and a half to see Zarna Garg. And guys, if you need a math, just go to YouTube and look up Zarna, Z-A-R-N-A.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:08.135)
off when...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:12.217)
my gosh.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:22.319)
my gosh, I love this.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:26.299)
Yes. Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (53:29.231)
hilarious.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:30.875)
She is, I just, didn't, was under a rock when it comes to her. discovered her in a clip on, on Facebook and I started following. even made a comment and she liked my comment and I was like, my gosh, she liked my comment, which I'm usually not someone who cares, but she actually saw what I felt and it's to see her interact like that. Yes. Yes. Yes. I would love to see her.

Shelly Lefkoe (53:47.715)
Yeah. no.

is brilliant.

Yes. So, so that's who Marcy is, right? She's also very successful. She's a number one New York Times bestselling author and she's a blah, blah, blah, blah, But who she is to me.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (53:59.169)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:03.679)
best-selling author, But she's your friend that holds you accountable for your joy and your peace and your happiness.

Shelly Lefkoe (54:14.381)
And it's our beliefs. You know, some of us want to make a lot of money. And if you have a belief, money is scarce and hard to get, or rich people are evil, or I have to step on people to make money. You know, we have religious beliefs, Catholic beliefs. You know, you feel guilty if you have money and you should give your money to the church and all of those beliefs. They're just beliefs. Money is green energy and you can attract it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:19.285)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:26.571)
Yes. To get it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:40.267)
Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (54:44.547)
by getting rid of the beliefs in the way of you doing that. Some people grew up poor and have the belief, I don't deserve, because they never got anything as a kid. Little kids don't say, well, my parents don't have money, that's why I'm, no, I don't deserve. The other kids have a new bike, I don't. And when you get rid of those beliefs, everything is possible, everything.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (54:54.005)
Right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (55:06.325)
never deserve.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (55:13.185)
So Shelly, I would be remiss if I did not ask this question for you to walk us through the system or whatever you call it, the framework that you use to help your clients and those amazing rooms that you step into to disrupt. No, first probably to disrupt, but to eliminate limiting beliefs.

Shelly Lefkoe (55:36.995)
Yeah. So I don't have time, unfortunately, in a podcast, for the most part, to go through. I can give you the steps. So here's the thing. I'm gonna, so if you go, I'll tell you what the steps are, but if you go to eliminatebeliefs.com, you can eliminate a belief for free. Now, it is gonna take you to a program.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (55:41.134)
to go through all of it. No, high view. Yeah, the high view. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (56:04.0)
Wow.

Shelly Lefkoe (56:05.197)
that allows you to eliminate 19 of the most common self-esteem beliefs, including mistakes and failures are bad and what makes me good enough and all of those beliefs.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (56:13.461)
You give that to the world for free. You see, I know my people when I see them. This is why you're so successful. Because you're not gatekeeping the essentials to get people going in direction. We really show up to help change the world.

Shelly Lefkoe (56:28.729)
Yeah, so we make that available for people who can't afford sessions or don't want sessions or want to do things on their own. It's not the specific beliefs that cause every problem, but it's the ones that interline most. So we look at a pattern, what we don't want or what we want, right? And so you say,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (56:36.139)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (56:44.117)
Problem, but it's a start. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (56:52.395)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (56:58.913)
I don't stand up for myself.

Then you ask, what might you believe, what would somebody have to believe who didn't stand up for themselves? And it could be anything from I'm not good enough to it's dangerous to stand up for yourself if when you were a kid, you spoke up and you got hit or punished or whatever. Well, I just, I want to say something about fear in a minute. Let me go through this. So what is the problem?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:24.47)
Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (57:32.479)
what belief do I have? Then we look for the source of the belief. Where did that belief first get formed? And it's almost always in childhood. Okay? It's business beliefs, but those can't come later. Money beliefs, life beliefs, people beliefs, generally come in childhood. Self-esteem beliefs are always. Okay?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:45.064)
It is, yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:49.59)
Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (57:55.773)
Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (57:58.787)
So what's the problem? What belief do I have? Where did that belief come from? What happened? And then we look at alternative interpretations. So my parents criticized me all the time and I concluded I'm not good enough. And then we say, well, one interpretation is you're not good enough. Another interpretation is they were trying to teach you and they were lousy teachers.

Another interpretation is you weren't good enough by their standards, but by Auntie Shelley's standards, you would have been fine. And maybe you weren't good enough as a kid, but it doesn't mean you'll never be good enough. And maybe you were good enough and your parents didn't have parenting skills. So we brainstorm, you know, money is scarce and hard to get. Well, maybe one interpretation is it was in my house as a child, or it is with people who...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (58:35.111)
Right!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (58:40.075)
Right.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (58:43.665)
Right.

Shelly Lefkoe (58:55.179)
or uneducated or it was before the internet, you know, but so there are other interpretations that would explain the events. And I work with sexual abuse survivors.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (59:07.787)
Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (59:12.423)
my gosh, that one is such a big one.

Shelly Lefkoe (59:14.647)
It is the most powerful thing that I do because in one session you'll get rid of beliefs. Yeah, it's all interpretation.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (59:18.273)
interpretation. Goodbye. It's all the interpretation.

Shelly Lefkoe (59:25.549)
Very good, Dr. Alyssa. That's very brilliant. It's not what happens to you. It's not what happens to you that screws you up. It's what you conclude about it, the meaning you give to it. Okay, so you're so fun. Okay, so now we look at those cognitive interpretations.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (59:29.643)
Thank you.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (59:34.719)
meaning you give to it. Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (59:42.027)
Thank you. I can talk with you all day. I want to come over and have tea and watch a movie.

Shelly Lefkoe (59:47.373)
I know we have to end soon because people tend to keep way longer than you want to listen. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (59:50.439)
Yes, I know. Yeah, we're coming down here. Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (59:56.911)
So what are some alternative interpretations? Now here's the juice. Doesn't it seem like as a child you saw your belief?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:02.471)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:07.841)
Mmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:00:09.187)
Yes, I saw money is scarce and hard to get. saw life is hard. I saw my black clients, my African-American clients. I have to try twice as hard to be just as good. I saw you're selfish if you put yourself first. I saw that. Then the next question is, did you ever really see the belief? Did you see, I'm not good enough, I'm not important, I'm not worthy?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:28.385)
Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:34.721)
Mmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:00:38.575)
I'm damaged goods. I'm powerless. No. You saw specific events. You saw somebody do something to you that you wish they hadn't done. You saw yourself be criticized. You saw your parents struggle. That's what you saw. And the next question is, so where has that belief been all these years?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:41.089)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:54.966)
Done.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:00:59.851)
Mmm. Mmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:01:10.701)
Yeah, that's the everything. Then have a nail, you know, the...

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:01:15.509)
Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:01:24.057)
That's the, can't, I just went blanks because I'm in the process. Now, doesn't it seem like the events, what happened made you feel your belief? That's why I said no to feeling. Doesn't it seem like being criticized made you feel not good enough? Now, I'm gonna backtrack.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:01:29.352)
Yes, that's okay.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:01:39.125)
Yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:01:56.185)
So the next question after did you ever see it? No, I never saw it. What did you see? Now the next question is what does it mean that that happened?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:02:01.762)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:02:08.07)
heirs to culprit.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:02:10.669)
And the answer is nothing. Not to say it didn't have consequences, not to say it didn't matter, but it doesn't have meaning. My husband died. That was terrible. I hated that he died. I wish he didn't die, but it doesn't mean I'll be alone for the rest of my life or I'll never be happy again or I'm going to starve to death.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:02:24.363)
Meaning.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:02:32.203)
Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:02:40.801)
Events have no meaning. So now, doesn't it seem like, doesn't it seem like the events made you feel your belief? And everybody says, yeah, it did make me feel that. Events that have no meaning cannot make you feel anything.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:03:03.257)
So if a man walks by and it has no meaning, what are you gonna feel? If a man walks by and it has no meaning, what are you gonna feel?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:04.441)
you are creating it.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:12.809)
It's just going by.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:03:13.741)
Nothing. If you give it the meaning he's dangerous, what are you going to feel?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:19.327)
afraid and I want to attack him.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:03:20.685)
If you give it the meaning, he'll protect me. Yeah. But if you give it the meaning, he'll protect me. Now you'll feel safe. So the events don't make you feel anything. The meaning does. And then we have everybody close their eyes and imagine giving the same events different meaning.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:29.825)
So if, uh-huh.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:03:42.233)
So if you gave the same at my father as a critical man, he's insecure and he has to put people down to feel better about himself, if you gave the events that meaning, you wouldn't feel not good enough. And if you didn't feel it then, you wouldn't feel it now.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:03:56.395)
Hey!

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:04:00.694)
That is mastery. You old guys. Uh-huh.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:04:03.247)
Now I'm leaving you with this. Alyssa, Alyssa, I'm giving this for you, because I don't talk about this usually in podcasts. What I get people to see is they create, you create your beliefs. Your beliefs create your life. So if you create the beliefs that create your life,

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:04:13.473)
Hmm

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:04:25.185)
Yes, yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:04:32.697)
What does that make you?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:04:36.523)
You're the creator. You're the author. You are the producer. You're the editor. You are the publisher. You are the boss. Yes. Mm-hmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:04:42.735)
Creator let's stay with Let's say with her You are the creator of your life and I put people in an altered state where they have an experience You came into this world as a little ball of consciousness before you created any distinctions About your self life or people do any exist?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:05:00.438)
Yeah.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:05:11.948)
in that space what's possible.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:05:17.145)
What limitations do you have as the creator? What's missing? No, no, Everybody, just because she said that, I have to do this. Close your eyes. Everybody close your eyes. Everybody close your eyes. You come into this world as a little ball of consciousness before you create any distinctions about yourself, life, or people.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:05:20.097)
Mmm.

Only the ones you give yourself.

No?

DELETE IT

Shelly Lefkoe (01:05:46.467)
Do any exist?

Shelly Lefkoe (01:05:51.681)
in that space what's possible.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:06:00.706)
Everything.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:06:01.891)
What limitations do you have in that space?

Shelly Lefkoe (01:06:07.257)
That's who you really are.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:06:14.851)
you

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:06:17.229)
You guys did that, you know what, you know you know. If you know, you know. Because everything was so infinite.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:06:26.275)
That's right. And when I ask people, what does it feel like right now to create yourself as the creator of your life? They say it feels infinite or free or, you know, expansive. Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:06:39.451)
Yes, there's nothing. There's just all this. I mean, it's almost like when I was a child, I guess for some people might have been a paper, but for me is having my cars. People would think I love dolls, but I didn't. let the red lipstick fool you. But when I had all my little cars and those little green little soldiers would come in the pack with the Tonka trucks and, they weren't furniture there. So

Quick thing, I promise we're rapping. But my mom, traditionally before Christmas, they do something in my culture where they put away the house. So they would move all the furniture up against the wall, they'll put up the rugs, and they'll take down the curtains and the walls, they'll take all the pictures for him down and they'll wipe and clean everything at the beginning of December, late November. And they will leave it that way up until just before Christmas Eve.

but then they'll re varnish the floor, they'll even refurbish the furniture or get new furniture, put new vinyl in the kitchen. If they needed backsplash in the kitchen, it will be new ones. There'll be new curtains, everything as much as they can do and afford new. So when they put the house back together, now it looks so fresh and beautiful and they put up the Christmas tree and all the things. So for us as kids, me, I had all the floor, the room on those wooden floor.

to play with my toys. My trucks and my cars could spin and do the flips they do and the, you know? So for me, the joy that I felt in that moment was when my mom's house was put away and I had all what seemed like infinite space in the living room to create with my toys and play with my siblings. So imagine being the creator. That's it. You all should do that exercise. And every time you find yourself stuck, go back to Shelly's voice.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:08:17.695)
wow. that's crazy.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:08:27.407)
It's crazy.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:08:33.537)
in this, this section right here. And if it's way bigger than that moment, then you absolutely need to call her. So Shelly, here's a good question for you. You have helped over 150,000 people. You've obviously created massive success, partially, I'm pretty sure with your wonderful and beloved husband. And now you're doing it with yourself and the team that's around you. What does success mean to you?

Shelly Lefkoe (01:09:00.047)
Mmm.

That's such a great question. For me, success is having a life that matters. It's loving your life. Having a successful life is knowing that when you die, you will be proud of the life you lived.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:09:06.177)
Thank you.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:09:14.081)
Mmm.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:09:27.053)
I love that. I just made that up. It's so funny.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:09:28.683)
I love it. No, but I love it because I believe and so Mike, when I'm, that's my core belief. And so when I'm asking myself, when I live daily, because I never know the time is if I had to do it all, if I had, if, today was my last day, would I be successful? Would I be

Shelly Lefkoe (01:09:47.033)
Yes.

Grrr.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:09:53.109)
Because you see, we always telling ourselves we have more time to create the life.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:09:56.643)
Yeah. So my friend, Janine Roth says, if you knew how many breaths you had left in your body, how would you spend them and who would you spend them with?

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:10:02.059)
Uh-huh.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:10:17.593)
Think about that.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:10:17.985)
what I learned. So when I started it podcast.

had a message. I wanted people to really tackle the beliefs within them.

And I had a corporate job, single woman again, after being married for so long. And I had to have a corporate job to maintain my economic system of my life and my home. And so when people would want me to come speak to their organizations or their companies, it's going to be business hours. And I could not, that was my thought, my belief was I could not gamble steady income.

for maybe someone will hire me this month for a consultation and pay me $10,000. So I wanted to get that message out. And I was doing so much philanthropic work, helping people and everywhere I go, no matter how old, how successful, how beginner they were, it was the beliefs. And for me, it was always and still is my beliefs that depend how far I go, where I wouldn't go. And so I said, I'll get in front of this mic and I'll tell people everything I know and I'm learning.

for about 10 to 15 minutes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:11:28.383)
And here we are with you.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:11:30.607)
The story of my life.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:11:36.266)
Right? And so what I want our listeners and viewers to know is go back to that infinite. It's only what you, it's, you have all you need to create the life. So when I sit here on a Saturday and I take your time, Shelley, almost two hours, if I die tonight, I would have lived.

The 132 episodes we have up now are pieces of me and a journey I've been able to walk with people. Because on a single woman's budget, I couldn't go to the parts of the world I want to go to yet. I couldn't speak to the people and be in the rooms as much as I would like to yet. Now, granted, I go to rooms as many times as I could. And even in the Walmart, if there's a mindset transformation moment, I get with the mom, with the woman.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:12:09.455)
Mmm.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:12:32.353)
60, 70, or even a 10 year old, I give that because you don't know how many breads you have. Do it now and be happy with it and you'll be successful. Shelly, tell us how to connect with you, your favorite way to connect with the audience listening here.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:12:42.723)
That's beautiful. Beautiful.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:12:50.797)
Okay, so my favorite way is if you go to at Shelley Lefkoe on Instagram and you put in Alyssa 25, we'll send you a link to the free belief and yeah. And if not, you can go to

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:13:14.935)
yes.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:13:21.135)
Lefko Institute, L E F as in Frank, K O E Institute.com. And you could find out about working with me, being trained. We train coaches and therapists and people who want to learn how to do what we do. yeah, that's the best way.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:13:27.073)
Okay.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:13:43.681)
So I saw that and I am going to come through only because what I don't know, I don't know. That's it. What I don't know, I don't know. I'm going to Lefkoe Institute.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:13:52.399)
If I told you how many podcasters became my clients, you would not believe me. In fact, I was on a podcast called the unconventional life. And I am going to speak in New Zealand a week from tomorrow at the unconventional life event. So podcasters love this.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:14:06.913)
Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:14:11.745)
Yay!

Yes.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:14:19.253)
And you're just over the border from me. So we will catch up. And when I have events, I'll hear you're coming here too. So I'm looking forward to having you a part of our community and we welcome you and we thank you for the gift that you are to the world and the transformation that you've been engineering. And I just, we're so grateful. We're so grateful. Thank you, Shelly. To everyone. Yes. And to everyone.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:14:26.351)
of

Shelly Lefkoe (01:14:35.055)
Thank

Shelly Lefkoe (01:14:41.167)
Thank you. Thank you. And thank you for everything you bring.

Dr. Alisa Whyte (01:14:48.551)
All her links are in the description, wherever you're listening and watching to this, please reach out and let her know on Instagram that you heard her here. And this episode has been transformational to her, to you, and then use Alyssa 25 and you will get it's A-L-I-S-A two five. And you will get the freebie that she has brought for us to the listeners. Awareness is not enough. Insight is not enough. If you want a different life.

a different level of leadership, a different experience in your life and in yourself, you have to remove what's been silently shaping you. And those are your beliefs. Keep mastering your mindset. Thanks, Victor. We'll We'll see you on the next one. Bye now.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:15:26.595)
Brilliant.

Shelly Lefkoe (01:15:31.673)
Bye everybody, thanks for listening.