Ep. 5 - The 10-Year Marriage - A Contract for Growth & Commitment

🎙️ Episode 5: The 10-Year Marriage - A Contract for Growth & Commitment

In this powerful episode, we dive deeper into the concept of the 10-year marriage contract, an idea that challenges traditional views on commitment and forces couples to continuously choose each other. We discuss the origin story behind this idea and how it has changed how we view this life we are building together. We explore how relationships evolve, why growth is essential, and how to keep passion alive over time.

What’s Inside:

• The 10-Year Marriage Concept: Why recommitting every decade makes relationships stronger.
• Personal Growth & Marriage: How evolving as individuals leads to deeper connection.
• Avoiding Stagnation: Why couples drift apart and how to stay aligned over time.
• Keeping the Passion Alive: How intentional effort transforms love and intimacy.
• The Future of Commitment: Rewriting the rules of long-term relationships.

🔥 Key Takeaway: The best relationships aren’t about obligation—they’re about choice. Continuously choosing each other leads to true intimacy, fulfillment, and lasting love.

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Transcript

Dave: [00:00:00] Isn't it nice to feel like the best sex we've ever had is in front of us, the highest level of our relationship? is in front of us and not behind us. I mean, that is, like, something that's worth fighting for. That's something that's exciting.

You know, we were just looking at the statistics. What would you think the divorce rate is for first marriages? 

Angie: I would say 50 percent. 

Dave: No, you know the answer. 

Angie: I would have normally said 

Dave: 50 percent. I would have thought bigger. I would have thought more. What is even more interesting is We don't get better at it.

Second marriage, more divorce, third marriage. I can't believe even people go for third marriage. 

Angie: Well, the only reason why I would say 50 percent and not larger because I agree with you, but I think that a lot of people, when they get [00:01:00] married, they just are like, all right, well, here I am. And then they start giving up on themselves and their dreams and their goals and all the things.

Dave: This is why when this idea of the 10 year marriage is so interesting to me and why it took a halt. Right. So it's worth talking about how it came about. Like, I'll let you tell that story. 

Angie: Well, we were in Italy for our five year anniversary and obviously that was like the number one place you wanted to travel to.

We had the absolute best time. We went to the Amalfi Coast, we were in Rome, we were in Tuscany, and we did a day at Pompeii. And so, Pompeii, we got, I think, the travel agent that we had set us up on a private tour with somebody. And so, we were on this private tour with this woman, and you just weren't feeling it.

You were like, I'm whatever, I'm just going through the motions. And Which is 

Dave: interesting, because I absolutely were there ten days. And everything about that trip, I was into it. I mean, [00:02:00] you thought, I was like, we were on an amazing race with you. When we fell asleep in the cab in Italy, both you and I in the The cabbie had to wake us up.

We could have been, forget it, taken somewhere and killed. 

Angie: Yeah, exactly. And I like those tours a lot of times. I like, you know, I like the history of it and I thought it was super interesting, but we're walking through, they're doing this tour and she mentioned something about, um, how back then they actually were never fully married.

It wasn't death to us part. It was, they had contracts in place, whether it was five years, 10 years, it was like a contract in place for people to stay married. 

Dave: It was almost like a throwaway comment, you know, and back then they were only married for, and I remember 10 years, it could have been whatever, and me being a little bit of my wise ass self, and I was like, oh, what do you do with the kids, you know?

It's easy, not easy, but it would be, it's, even nowadays, when people get divorced, the first thing I think is like, oh, well, they didn't have kids, right? It makes it so much easier in my brain. 

Angie: And a lot of people stay [00:03:00] together for the kids. 

Dave: Exactly. And it wasn't just in the moment. Like, I'm the kind of person, I think you are, too.

When we get an idea or a concept or something that's new, we really, like, play with it. You know, like, it's interesting, we talk about it. We have these deep conversations. Right. And I found it fascinating quickly, I remember, I remember thinking this would keep everyone on their toes. 

Angie: Mm hmm. And I think you joked at the beginning and you're like, if we had a 10 year marriage contract, there would have to be this many times a week we have sex.

There would have to be this many times a week. Like it was very. Yeah. That and I was like, well, you'd have to take me dancing. You'd have to like take me traveling. And it was very much like what the other person 

Dave: was transactional to which that does kind of unlock the deeper things, but it's set in a different way, right?

We've been talking about this for so long, we've had iterations of it. And so we were supposed to, on our 10 year anniversary, renew. [00:04:00] Because we really walked down this, for lack of a better word, path or ion, of what if we got remarried at 10 years? What if we And I remember being in a coaching group and the guy was like, burn it to the ground if it's not doing well.

Even though we were doing well, but this concept of like, we're not the same people we were when we got married. 

Dave (2): I 

Dave: mean, I love playing the game with other couples, especially ones who've been married at least like, anywhere between like seven, 15 years more, is if you got married today, who would be in your wedding that was in your original wedding?

Mm 

Angie: hmm. 

Dave: Would you still have the same groomsmen and the same bridesmaids, who's not alive? Who is your friends? Yep. Like looking back and seeing how much not we've evolved as human or as individuals, but who's in our life anymore. 

Angie: And 

Dave: then who are the people now are in our life, right? Like, what do you, like, if we went back and we had a great, man, I 

Angie: mean, we had the best [00:05:00] wedding ever.

And. It's interesting, because I think most people that were at our wedding would not be at our wedding anymore. 

Dave: Exactly. 

Angie: You know, it was a lot of, it was just that life that we were living at that time. It was in that moment that, you know, twenty, what, I was twenty four, you were 

Dave: Were we thirty two and twenty three and we were turning thirty three and twenty four.

Yeah. Yeah. 

Angie: Looking back at like the pictures. I'm like, 

Dave: Oh my God, that person 

Angie: was there. 

Dave: Or even in like one of your bridesmaids, right? 

Angie: And looking at our friends now, how we were like, how are you not at our wedding? Like, how were you not part of our life at that point? 

Dave: And so diving a little deeper into the concept, if you felt like there's two ways of looking at this, like who would you want to be for the other person?

And what would you want from them? And that's, I think we started it out. Right. Like me saying, Oh yeah, I want more BJs. Like, you know, what's the best way to never get another blowjob? Get married. Right. Like joking around. But every guy on this podcast going, yup. Yeah. And every 

Angie: girl's going, of [00:06:00] course. 

Dave: So, and it's just trying harder.

And then the same thing going like, girl going like, I deserve a date night and take care of the babysitter. 

Angie: BJs, then you better. You want more blowjobs? Then you got to take me out and like seduce me a little bit. 

Dave: And that's why I like the concept of more like, it's not forever and you have to work for it is such a beautiful way of looking at it.

Like, um, one of my coaches, he always says, date your wife. It's the same theory, but like, what if, you know, treated you like a girlfriend, right? When we initially talked about this, I think that was really it. It was like, I joke about it, but I remember saying like, um, more vacations and I was kind of answering it for you, but.

It could go deeper. Like, can you have a deeper conversation? Like, no, I expect you to be in better shape and take care of yourself more. You know, I need you to be more vulnerable and, you know, more willing to talk or like there's some deeper stuff when you start having a real conversation, not like playing around like.

Angie: Well, [00:07:00] for a long time, even before this concept, you would always have this like visual and you would say when two people are married for somebody to have like a successful marriage, right? You have like, it's like a tree. You're growing in different directions. You're like melding into these different people, but ultimately you want to stay within the same, like on 

Dave: the same path.

It's interesting that you said you. You look at it as a tree. I was like two lines, but yes. And if first of all, if one line is just not going to grow, you're screwed and you're going to grow at different rates. Some person is going to outgrow the other one. But if you go too far this way and you can't bring it back, like if you're at different polar opposites and you can't get closer with the lines, you got a problem.

And I would say like. These are extreme circumstances, but if someone wants to live in California and someone wants to live in, um, New York, you got a problem. Or if someone wants kids and the other person doesn't want kids, who is actually, you know, or you can have kids, like these are things where someone wants to open a business and the other [00:08:00] person's risk averse, right?

Or someone wants to vote like for Republican, the other one was for a Democrat or someone is religious and wants to get them baptized and the other one doesn't. Like. It can, like, you have to have some kind of alignment and growth trajectory that meets. Totally. There are, there are some things that I don't see how people could get past unless their roots are strong.

Angie: A hundred percent. And I, I think that when we first were thinking of this concept, it was very much like, what's this other person have to do, right? How does this other person have to show up for me? And I always go back to the Tony Robbins. Remember when Tony Robbins, we were at Date With Destiny, and he was talking about how if you think a relationship is 50 50, then it's never gonna work.

He's like, you have to be willing to give 100 percent and get, and not expect anything in return, and put it all on the line for that other person to either wanna show, continue or, or step out, right? [00:09:00] 

Dave: And you're gonna have to wanna do that over and over again. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: You see, and that's the other thing. It's who we are at year one.

Mm hmm. Versus year 10 is completely different. So if I have to grow into the person that not only I like, but you like. Yeah. Because we're growing rapidly. So we're both not going to be the same people, different versions of us than we are year 1 and year 10. 

Mm hmm. To 

Dave: take a look at the person after year 10, first of all, to an extent, you're almost unrecognizable to yourself.

Angie: Right. 

Dave: Wait, hopefully. And then you're looking across at another human being going, your partner going. They're unrecognizable, right? So if you're not continually choosing that person over and over and over again, then it's like you're just going through the motions and you're almost trapped because you're doing it for the kids or you're doing it for the money or you're doing it for the comfort.

And like, I think that's where people start getting stagnant 

Angie: and 

Dave: they're there for the wrong [00:10:00] reason. Like, I think we have a very unique relationship. We have an agreement that if either one of us is doing it for the kids, we both rather have the other one divorce us. 

Angie: Right. 

Dave: Right. A 

Angie: hundred percent. 

Dave: Do you think that has anything to do with the fact that we both come from divorced parents?

Angie: Um, maybe I, I believe that my parents probably stayed together longer than they should have because of us. 

Yeah. 

Angie: Um, and so I think it has a little bit to do with that, but I think that you and I are very much about living in truth and that if we didn't have a connection and when we feel not connected, we're willing to have that uncomfortable conversation.

and talk about it, and find ways to reconnect. And I feel like if we were just staying together for the kids, I feel like it wouldn't be in alignment with everything that we're about. 

Dave: What we do agree on is that we want to continually choose each other. That when it's, I want you and I don't need you, that is the energy that I feel most comfortable with.

when I am all in in this [00:11:00] relationship. Because if not, then it gets really weird. Like, I wouldn't want to be like, oh, my God, I better do everything that Angie wants me to do, because if not, she's not gonna renew the ten year marriage. That's needy, right? And so, it's more of like, who I have to become. And I think, I think the closest we ever got to this was as far as another iteration of you and me Walking through this 10 year concept is when you said to me, what I would want you to do is deal with all your demons, go get your health checked out five ways to Sunday, because I have that control and the stress and the anxiety that comes with it.

And then I looked at you and said, I want you to be able to be so completely vulnerable. 

And I 

Dave: think we went to our truest forms of like what we not only want to see in each other, but we, what we want to see each other grow and not even just [00:12:00] for us, but for the other human being. 

Angie: And we know each other so well that me saying that to you, I know that on your deepest level, that's something that is important to you to grow and to become the highest version of yourself.

And the same with me, right? Like I have to step into being vulnerable and communicate better and, and do those things. So I feel like. You know, even though it's a commitment to ourselves, we knew that it was a commitment for us to stay together. 

Dave: Now this doesn't happen without deep work and the willingness to continue going down that path and that unveiling.

My most recent truth on this, and this is something that will evolve for everybody. I think you can make it playful. Like, alright, you know, when we renew this contract, you can do the sexual things and the dating things, I think that's fun, that could be part of it, but if you want to get to like, the deepest part of the truth, is when I was talking about like, that's, it's a contract of the soul, it's not just a contract of a marriage or a 10 year, it's like, When I meet you there, 10 years from now, or 5 years from [00:13:00] now, or whatever, I want to show up as the most revealed, greatest, unveiled version of myself.

Almost to the point that when, you know, some people say when the day you die, you're going to meet the person you could have been. The version of you that took every risk, did all the growth, 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: And like, not just like, I want to become over and over again, that version of me and make that contract with me and you make that contract with you.

And then we are in so alignment with ourselves that when we do meet, it's a union of our souls. 

Angie: A hundred percent. And taking, Yeah. When you say, say that, I think about how many relationships would have stayed together if they would have just shown up in the best version of themselves when they were, are, when they were still married before, because that's what happens with divorce.

A lot of the times you see people get divorced [00:14:00] and then they get in the best shape and then they're doing all these amazing things for themselves. And it's like, if you would have fucking shown up like that when you were already still married, that person would have chose you and you would have, you, you could grow together again and you can reconnect and.

And a lot of times, I mean, there are cases obviously that that wouldn't work, but a lot of times, like I even look at my parents and I'm like, they were the best each other's ever had. 

Dave: Very rarely do I believe that people are better off the second or third time. 

Angie: Same. 

Dave: You know, it's, they haven't healed the wounds and did the work they needed to do.

And they just bring it along with them into the next relationship. And I always say, well, shit, I might as well deal with it now. 

Angie: Yeah. And not to say that, you know, there's anything wrong with getting married a second or third time. It's literally just somebody in this new version of being married. It's somebody separating saying, I'm not willing to renew this contract and starting a new contract with the other person, but I think to your point, it's.

It's deeper [00:15:00] than if they show up that same way that they did in that last marriage, they're gonna have the same problems that they did. Whether they're married a second, third, fourth, fifth time. 

Dave: And then they'll say, well, well, if I would've known it was gonna be like this over and over again, I could've figured it out the first time.

And so, that brings us back to the whole thing of like, even when it's good, are you willing to burn it to the ground and be like, eh, that's aggressive. Almost like recommit to that. Without bringing forward, like, everything, but like, who are you? 

Dave (2): Mm 

Dave: hmm. Because you're on your own journey, baby. Like, you're evolving.

I've, I have fallen in love with every version of you. 

Angie: Mm hmm. 

Dave: Right, and I think that's why we're still together as from my standpoint. 

Angie: Yeah, 

Dave: right I'm just as excited about I know you are because this is what you just said recently I'm just as excited about the next version of you like I cannot wait to have sex with the 40 and 50 year old version Of you.

Angie: Hmm. That's nice. [00:16:00] Well 

Dave: because you're It's all the years, 

Angie: like 

Dave: I can picture your body as a 22 year old, as a 32 year old. You know what I mean? And it like changes and our, our deepness of connection changes, right? Like if I lost that, did I lose it to you or did I lose it from myself? And what's wild is the better I feel about myself, this is kind of going to sound really weird.

The more turned on I am about myself, the more turned on I am about you. 

Angie: I, I think that is not weird. I think that's how most humans are. 

Dave: I don't think they vocalize it that way. 

Angie: No, I agree. But, I mean, think about it. When people are working out and they're feeling great about themselves and they're showing up for themselves.

They're much more willing to show up for the other people in their life. 

Dave: So maybe the problem with marriage or the trap is that we externalize it too much rather than internalize. 

Angie: Mm hmm. 

Dave: And that you're more likely to be in a successful marriage if you hold yourself [00:17:00] accountable. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: Rather than hold the other person accountable.

Angie: 100%. 

Dave: Like one of my favorite, um, thought processes is we judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions. 

Angie: Hmm. 

Dave: Which means we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: Right? Because we know our intentions. Like, in our brain, our intentions make sense. They're pure. They're, they're for the right reasons.

And, but if we judge ourselves by our actions, maybe we'd be a little bit harder on ourselves, right? 

Angie: Hence going back to the contract and actually doing the things that you say you were going to do. 

Dave: And that's why I say we should judge ourselves by our actions. and judge others by their intentions. Maybe we should just give everyone else the benefit of the doubt, right?

And so, I think the same event, Tony Robbins brought someone up and he was like, saying, my wife doesn't love me, and my wife is this. And he said, this is what I want you to do. I want you to be The most loving, giving, showing up for husband you could be for the next [00:18:00] 12 months. 

Dave (2): And 

Dave: I guarantee you, she will show up for you.

And he's like, no way. You don't understand. She's cold. She's closed off. And he's like, if after 12 months you have done that and she's still like that, then walk away. The odds are you show that kind of, you give that kind of love, you're going to get it back. And so taking that forever away from the game lightens the load.

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: But on the same token, as the accountability. 

Angie: Mm hmm. 

Dave: So what do you think of this concept of the contract of the souls individually? 

Angie: I think that's ultimately what it's about, right? When we go and we renew our contract. That's how I believe that we're going to look at this on what am I willing to do?

How am I willing to show up and how am I going to not like that? I, like you said, not that I need you, but that I want you and that these are the things that I'm willing to do for you to be desired to desire me. And you know what I mean? I don't know if I'm verbalizing that correctly. 

Dave: This is [00:19:00] the way we're going to play this out 

Angie: and 

Dave: we do this already.

We're doing it at 15 year because at our 10 year. It was, believe it or not, we were married in 10, uh, 2010. So 2020 was the COVID year. So we couldn't do this. Not to mention I knocked you up, baby, but I mean, it was planned, but so you were pregnant and we were in COVID. It was very difficult to do this 10 year marriage and in a way where the semantics here, we figured this out at the five years.

So now at the 15 years, a 10 year gap between the two. So be in our 15th anniversary, but we're going to be looking at it as. A 10 year marriage. So the way I'm looking at it is we got from 2025 to 2035. 

Angie: Mm-hmm . 

Dave: Right? I will be 47 to 57. 

Angie: Mm-hmm . You'll 

Dave: be 38 to 48. So now that 10 year commitment will bring us to our 25th year together.

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: Which is wild. Our daughters will, almost all of them will be outta the house. Gigi will be [00:20:00] 14 years old at that point, probably in high school. 

Mm-hmm . 

Dave: Or middle school. To have the conversation and be like, you know what, babe? This is the way I see our next ten years. And you go, you know what, babe? I don't see it that way.

Would we have the balls to be like, you know, it's been a good run. You know what I mean? 

Angie: Yeah. And I don't, I, I think that a lot of couples, I, I think it could make it a lot easier. to separate, and I think that, you know, I look at just people I know that have gotten divorced. 

Dave: So, a lot easier to separate. Are you trying to say that because it feels like it's easier to separate, they're less likely to separate?

Because I remember saying to myself, like, if I feel trapped, I'm more likely to run. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: If I don't feel like I'm trapped forever, I'm more likely to stay. I just need to feel like the option of that. I was like, you know, I'm a Sagittarius. And if you go down there with Sagittarius, don't commit. And they don't, which is wild because I've committed everything to you.

I've never done it before. But like, I used to joke and be like, [00:21:00] I don't mind being in the, the fenced off pen as long as I know the door opens, then I will stay in that forever. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: You know? 

Angie: And if you're looking at a new con, like if you're, if you're giving me that example, right. And you're saying the next 10 years looks like this for me and maybe I think it looks differently.

I think you have two options at that point. You either figure out what each other are willing to compromise on and how that could look right. Like if I'm like. You know, certain on, I need to live somewhere and you're like, I can't live there. Then like, is that a make it or break it? Like, I don't know, because I, I've never gotten to that point with you and I'd be curious to ask relationships that have kind of gone different paths, how that would have changed the dynamic of their separation or their divorce.

I'll take 

Dave: it a step further. How about people in marriages? 

Angie: Yeah. I 

Dave: mean, I'm not, I'm not against people who have abominated, but the people who are in marriages, like what's your truth that you're not speaking up about? 

Angie: Totally. 

Dave: Like, for instance, I know you want to live in other places, like you've never given [00:22:00] me an ultimatum.

Like, when you actually have this, if you really give it to deep thought, is that a non negotiable? And then if I'm agreeing with you, is there a deadline on it? Right? It's one thing to agree on it and then it's one thing to not even like bring it forward. 

Angie: Yeah. And that's why, and I mean, you and I are notorious for this.

We change, we come up with ideas and we change our minds all the time. And so I think that creating this, this foundation of this contract, but then constantly reevaluating it on at least an annual basis is really important. 

Dave: If not quarterly. 

Angie: Yeah, because it just keeps you guys on the same path and aligned.

And I feel like if that's the case and people are seeing different things. Then you could either come to an agreement or you could be like, this is a non negotiable for me and look at how your relationship looks like with that being part of the contract. 

Dave: Well, the thing is, how are you going to, people aren't doing this enough in, it's most common in your business.

Everyone always is like, all right, we need a five year plan. And then we're going to [00:23:00] break it down into years and quarters. And here's our goals on numbers. Right. And then in my coaching, it's like, what's your, What's your five year plan for you as a human being, as a man or a woman, right? 

Dave (2): Yep. 

Dave: People aren't even doing that.

They're just living like day by day with no plan. Right. So to apply this to your marriage and then have truth, right? Because people, I think most of us don't go deeper with what we actually want. 

Angie: Mm hmm. 

Dave: Like even talking to you about this right now, I'm like, I know you so well and I know what you want to a degree, but like there are times you don't push it hard enough or maybe you think it'll happen in the future.

Same thing with me. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: Right. And so I think at least if it doesn't happen, you started out going, this is what we both want. So writing that all down, having a real conversation and not giving yourself to be unapologetically real inside of it. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: Because [00:24:00] if not, you're just going to show up and then you're going to live that same life 20 years in a row and now you just wasted another 10 years.

Angie: Totally. I think you, I can, I think this is incredibly valuable for newlyweds, for people that aren't married yet. Because, especially when you're talking about big things like you were about having children and about where to live and about how your, your life looks, family planning, how your finances look.

Before 

Dave: newlyweds. We talked about all this before we were engaged. 

Angie: Yeah. A hundred percent. But before you, you know, commit to this marriage, those are important things to talk about. 

Dave: Well, there's gotta be alignment. Like religion, for instance, we're both raised Catholic. We both love religion. Lost faith.

Then as we got older, we have a new version of faith. It's comes in a different filter. We've been aligned. We both have been raised a certain way politically and that's even morphed into certain things and but we're growing together. Yeah, our values on how to raise our kids are generally the same like you either got to compromise or figure it out Or it's just not gonna [00:25:00] work.

Angie: Yeah, 

Dave: right and but that's in the beginning. Mm hmm, but now it's like You Okay. You're 10 years in. So there's from one to 10 and then there's from 10 to 20, like you've presented this concept to people who are not married. You had a girlfriend of yours have a, like something we didn't even think about the way she, 

Angie: Yeah.

I mean, she was basically like, I'm never getting married, never doing this. I don't, I don't need a man in my life, et cetera. And when I had mentioned this concept, she was like, huh? She's like, if you actually, I can see how this could actually work. Like if there was. requirements in a sense in ways that people had to show up in a way, then I could see how this, I could get behind this.

Dave: She was looking at it from the other person. Not from her. 

Angie: No, from both guys, from, from both aspects. Right? Because. If somebody's willing to show up in their highest self and you expect that other person willing to show up in their, their best and highest self, then it makes more sense to be together, right?

A lot of relationships don't work [00:26:00] because one is growing and one's just not, you know, or they're just stagnant, like you said, and neither one of them are willing to look at the truth. 

Dave: So if we are as individuals leaving behind, Uh, part of who we are as we grow, then in extension, the marriage has to leave behind a part of what that marriage was in order for that marriage to grow.

Because just like a human, you're either growing or dying, a marriage, a marriage is either growing or dying. Right. There is going to be seasons that are off, but even those seasons could be potentially seasons of growth that you have to go through that a little bit of rough terrain. 

Angie: Yeah. 

Dave: Right. 

Angie: And you making that point is actually beautiful because Part of the contract that we have to add to ours and like the, the whole process of us doing it is what you just said, leaving behind what that last 10 years was, right?

Like we had some rough years in that last 10 years and instead of bringing that along to this next 10 years being like we were young, we learned from those things. We learned from those [00:27:00] experiences and now we don't need to keep score. We don't need to hold things like I think that that could be really valuable for people.

that have had a rough figuring it out, learning each other, growing together and apart, and all these different things. Like, moving forward and looking at the next ten years as being like a fresh start. 

Dave: Do you know that song, I Like Pina 

Angie: Yes, I do. I 

Dave: don't know really what it's about. So, this is what the song's about.

It's an old school song, it's like 70s, 80s. Yeah. And it's about this guy, he's not feeling his girl anymore. So he puts an ad in the paper, like, a dating, he's like, all the things he likes. Pina Coladas. walking in the rain, right? And someone responds to it and he's saying like, he doesn't feel his girl anymore.

And the person responds by letter, of course, because it's all like, I like pina coladas. I like walking in the rain, right? And so he's like, we're going to meet at the bar. I know how this is going to go. He goes into the bar and it's the girl he's dating. And I'm like, it, the funny part of it is like, oh, everyone's just cool that we're ready to cheat on [00:28:00] each other.

Yeah. 

Dave: But the point is, The point of the song is that they weren't even having the real conversations about they wanted. They were just stagnant in the relationship. And the fact that once he gave himself the permission, she was actually looking for someone new. He was looking for someone new. She responded to the ad he put out.

It's literally the concept. It's wild. It's beautiful. Yeah. So that kind of came up with that right. Yeah. Totally. And so if you look at it like burning it to the ground or almost like, I'm not saying we have to file for divorce. But like almost divorcing and being like, okay, how would we do this? And then being like dating again and being like, Ooh, I want to marry this girl.

Yeah, it 

Angie: definitely 

Dave: keeps it interesting. I definitely love her kids. Like I could get around, I could get around these kids. Right. Yeah. And so, um, and then going through the process because I want to. Propose to you [00:29:00] again and a new ring, a bigger and better ring, but a ring to signify who we are now. 

Angie: Yeah.

Dave: And a new wedding and not a renewal of vows. All new. This is a new marriage. Right. And some things like warms my heart that my 73 year old at the time, dad will be my best man again. 

Angie: Yeah. And my dad will get to walk me down the aisle again. And the biggest thing is our kids will be experiencing us getting married again.

Yes. 

Dave: Yes. 

Angie: And the biggest part of our life will be present for the best day of our life. And then 

Dave: being able to see you walk again towards me, the man I am today and the woman you are, but knowing all we've done to get there and then committing, are you right? 

Angie: Yeah. I mean, I'm just like picturing it, you know, and it's beautiful.

Like I'm picturing our girls and I'm picturing Gianna and like them being so happy and like just the way that they look at us when we're in the kitchen and we're making out and they're like, Oh my God. Yeah. Like having. That memory, like think [00:30:00] about us and being able to see our parents, you know, like we, we didn't get those things, but imagine your child version of yourself getting to see your parents get married.

Like how fucking beautiful is that? 

Dave: Yeah. 

Angie: You know? 

Dave: It's I'm so glad we're doing all this because this is what it's about and it's also about living what we talk about, right? It's not just a concept. It's what it's like. We're we're testing this out and in real time 

Angie: Yeah, 

Dave: right and we're just like saying maybe we could do it this way Maybe this is like an answer for us that people can connect to but you're right Like you talk about the the moments of your life that means so much to be able to recreate that over and over again I mean, I've taken it the whole way like the next honeymoon and You You know, I've even thought about ways I'm going to propose to you and, 

you know, 

Dave: what to do with the first ring and being able to marry you again, 10 years later and these rings go and the diamonds go to, or whatever fake [00:31:00] diamond you want, right?

Like go to our girls and 

this 

Dave: is the whole thing. And being truly excited, not only for our lives together, but for my own life. You know, I joke all the time. You know, a lot of men or even women. Um, once they make money and they're successful, they go for the upgrade. I mean, I already married my upgrade, 

Dave (2): you 

Dave: know what I mean?

Like you're the girl I would want after I was successful. Like I don't like, and I think that's also when people don't grow with the same path. 

Angie: And I think it's easy for people to sway from that. But if you, if you look at this person in the way that you're talking about, and I think it just comes back to just being vulnerable and honest with each other, because I think that most people can do that.

I have that love for that person, the other person where it's just, it just needs to be communicated differently. 

Dave: Well, if [00:32:00] you're really looking at this contract of the soul, right? And the way I look at it is, is continuing to find and seek and live your,

I believe that when people have these like midlife existential crisis, they lost their way. 

Angie: Mm hmm. 

Dave: It usually happens at a time where like they've been at the job and they've been at the, they've been married and the kids and everything just becomes monotonous because they forgot why they were there in the first grade, first place and they stopped growing.

So of course the marriage or the relationship has to suffer because they're going through it themselves. And so this is not just, this is more than a commitment to another human being. It's a commitment to ourselves. It's a commitment to our children to show them exactly how you have to keep growing.

It's like, this is like a manifestation or an example of every other [00:33:00] area of your life. Yeah. It's like saying, not only do I want to do this, I want to do this at the highest level and I'm going to continue. I don't know why it has to be so aggressive. But breaking myself against this rock over and over and over again.

Committed to growing for myself, for you, for our kids. Because it means everything. 

Angie: Mm hmm. 

Dave: I didn't mean to make it go this deep, but like, 10 years? What do we get? 70? 80? You marry someone in your 20s More than 60 percent of your life, you're meant to spend with one person. I mean, if you're not showing up for yourself, and you're not showing up, you're wasting a lot of people's time.

Angie: Yeah, a lot of your own time. 

Dave: And this is your whole life. And it just forces you to have these conversations that maybe you wait too many years to actually 

Angie: have an amazing marriage or an amazing connection or an [00:34:00] amazing sex life, whatever, you know? 

Dave: Isn't it nice to feel like the best sex we've ever had is in front of us?

The best, the highest level of our relationship is in front of us and not behind us? 

Dave (2): Mm hmm. Yeah. 

Dave: I mean, that is like something that's worth fighting for. That's something that's exciting. You know, like, rather than, or even with kids, like, holding on to the four year old version rather than be excited about the 14.

And I can't wait to hang out with my kids when they're 24 and see them at 34 being married and having kids and see them, like, like, not holding on to this, like, one moment in time that's never supposed to, like, grow. 

Angie: Mm hmm. Yeah. 

Dave: Like the future needs to be bigger than your past. 

Angie: Mm hmm. 

Dave: Or what's the point of living?

Angie: Yeah. And 

Dave: so that has to be for our marriage, no matter how great it was. And I think the 10 year marriage is a commitment to that future being bigger than your past. [00:35:00] 

Angie: Absolutely.