The 10 Year Marriage
The “10-Year Marriage” podcast is raw, real, and unapologetically honest. Hosted by Dave and Angie Tina this show dives headfirst into the messy, beautiful, and often hilarious realities of marriage.
No “off-limits” as they explore what it really takes to make a relationship work and whether or not it’s worth re-committing to each other.
Inspired by the concept of treating marriage like a 10-year agreement, Dave and Angie share their experiences navigating over a decade of love, connection, conflict, growth and change. They ask the tough questions: if marriage came with a 10-year contract, would you sign up for another term? Or would you call it quits?
Through raw conversations, relatable stories, and plenty of humor, this podcast offers a fresh perspective on relationships and what it means to choose love again and again–-or not. Whether you’re newlyweds, long-timers, or just curious about a new approach to commitment and relationships, this podcast is for you.
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The 10 Year Marriage
Ep. 12 - The Ultimate Truth about MONEY in Marriage: The Money Conversation Every Couple Needs
Navigating Financial Trust in Marriage | The 10 Year Marriage Podcast
In this episode of the 10-Year Marriage Podcast, hosts Dave and Angie Tina explore the concept of treating marriage like a 10-year contract.
They delve into the significance of trust and shared finances in a marriage, recounting personal experiences and the transformative power of an abundance mindset.
The Tinas share lessons from their own relationship, including dealing with limiting beliefs about money, the importance of joint financial management, and the impact of material success on self-worth.
Their candid discussion encourages listeners to evaluate their own marriages, asking critical questions about trust, commitment, and financial transparency.
The episode also touches on societal triggers around money, the psychological aspects of spending, and the ripple effects of a growth mindset on relationships and personal success.
00:00 Introduction to the 10 Year Marriage Podcast
00:38 Money and Relationships: A Triggering Topic
01:09 Material Wealth and Self-Worth
05:25 The Science of Getting Rich: Changing Perceptions on Money
07:05 Abundance Mindset and Standards
09:00 Personal Experiences and Justifications
16:11 The Impact of Money on Relationships
21:41 Diverse Perspectives on Shared Finances
22:09 Trust and Responsibility in Relationships
22:26 Money Conversations and Triggers
24:15 Arguments Rooted in Financial Decisions
25:42 Traditional Roles and Financial Trust
28:38 Money as a Reflection of Personal Growth
30:17 Identity Shifts and Financial Decisions
31:52 Leadership and Financial Success
36:19 The Importance of Sharing Finances in Marriage
40:47 Concluding Thoughts and Call to Action
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Dave: [00:00:00] Not committing to another 10 years with someone that I can't share all my money with. I'm not committing to another 10 years with somebody that I can't trust with all the accounts. I'm not committing to a person that, that I can't trust that could bankrupt me in one fucking day and take all the kids Uhuh.
Mm-hmm.
Angie: I'm
Dave: not playing that way. Hi, I'm Dave Tina.
Angie: And I'm Angie. Tina.
Dave: Welcome to the 10 year Marriage Podcast.
Angie: On this podcast, we answer the question, what if your marriage came with a 10 year contract?
Dave: How would you show up if there was a deadline in your relationship? What would your life look like in the future?
And how would you recommit every day?
Angie: Come with us on this journey as we navigate as partners, entrepreneurs, and parents in this big life we've created.
Dave: So this is the first one that's a follow up. Yeah. The Money episode on episode two created. So much triggering, so much conversation. There's been, there's a lot of things around money.
Angie: Definitely sparked some interesting conversations for sure.
Dave: And it things just show up the way they're supposed to. [00:01:00] Money exposes people the way they react towards it, the way they look at it, the way they put their life around it. You know what I was thinking? I was like, this is really gonna trigger people.
Just recently, I put a car on my wrist. And I drive a house. And for people who have no context, they're gonna be like, what a douchey thing to say. I bought a Rolex that was $55,000 and I drive a car that was with tax like 300,000 bucks. And there have been so many times in my life where I'm like, I'm not gonna say the numbers.
I'm not gonna lean into it. Just so I'd make everyone around me feel better about themselves and protect myself from the judgment.
Angie: Yeah. 'cause even as you're saying it. My, there's part of me that's judging it and going, why would you talk about that? Yeah. Like, that's so uncomfortable. And that's a cocky thing to say.
Dave: It is in certain, if it's outside in.
Angie: Yeah. Well, if
Dave: I'm defined by those things outwardly and not making my [00:02:00] world a mirror for how I feel about myself.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right. There's something about every time I put on this watch, it's a special occasion. And a special occasion could just be today.
Angie: Mm-hmm. Just waking up.
Dave: I remember who I am. I remember who I am. When I get in that Lamborghini and when I'm not feeling good about myself, I feel like I'm not worthy of it and I should give it back. When I'm feeling like full DMFT, which is on the license plate, I'm like, I deserve this car. This represents all the work I've put in, all the risks, I've taken, all of the hard times, the courage and the, the stress and all of the things that not everyone is willing to do.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And I'm like, yeah, this is exactly where I should be. I remember we went out one night and, and we just got in the car and I was like, this is my gorgeous wife seeing you. Like really seeing you. I had this beautiful jacket on, I had the watch on and like I was like, this just [00:03:00] feels right. And no one was seeing us in that moment.
It wasn't like we were pulling in a valet. It wasn't like this wasn't a moment for anyone other than me with you next to me. And I, I mean, I have to impress you, but you're my wife. It just felt right. And I think that needs to be talked about because that is at the baseline. What, how people react to this because it's not that people stop clapping.
It's not that people are jealous, it's not that people are triggered for these reasons. I think they play this game of who do you think you are?
Angie: Do
Dave: you think you're better than me? That's an interesting thing to unpack.
Angie: It is. 'cause I, I don't think a lot of people talk about it, and I think there's a lot of people that we follow that are like, you know, you shouldn't have to dim your shine to make other people feel comfortable.
You're talking about it in the monetary aspect and my, my [00:04:00] conversation to you because as you're talking about it, I'm going, yeah, but you should feel those things. Completely naked with nothing. You know? And you should feel that just with your spirit and your soul and go inward and, and feel those emotions without having material things.
But then at the same time, I'm like questioning my thoughts and I'm going, okay, is that just limiting beliefs that I have around money and about material aspects and things like that?
Dave: See, so you're, you're pushing back as in that moment, right? Whereas it's because it's in your frame. You think people aren't saying that about a $60,000 horse?
Oh,
Angie: totally.
Dave: Or going and spending a lot of money for a complete makeover on your wardrobe and Yeah. Almost to the point where like even I feel uncomfortable talking about it with, 'cause we're just throwing out these big numbers.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right. Yeah. And so this is the reason why I wanna set the table with this is 'cause we're gonna be digging into like.
The reasons why people are triggered [00:05:00] about not sharing their money or friends of ours. Some of them are like, go, this is awesome. We've been waiting for you to truly step into everything that you deserve and you've worked toward, versus the friends who are feeling like, who do you think you are? How could you talk about that and making them about themselves.
I think we have to talk about,
Angie: mm-hmm.
Dave: The things.
Angie: Yeah.
Dave: I don't need all of these things we talked about.
Angie: Well, one of the things that. I mean, this is a huge resource and I always go back to it with money because money was, I had so many limiting beliefs about money. Mm-hmm. Growing up. And even as like a young adult.
And when we met in all sorts of things, and I read this book, actually listened to this book. It's, you
Dave: always mention this book
Angie: because it's so, it was so powerful for me. Yeah. And it changed my perception on money so much.
Dave: I've never read it, so it's tough to connect to it.
Angie: It's called The Science of Getting Rich.
Dave: Yep.
Angie: It talks about how we're taught at a young age to look at money as this money is the root of all evil. Money doesn't grow on trees. There's [00:06:00] always this scarcity mindset about money, especially like in the middle, kind of middle class groups that we grew up in, right?
Angie (2): Yep.
Angie: When I listen to this book, it talks about God, the universe, whatever you believe, like created money as this, um, vehicle basically to have the best healthcare systems, to have the best experiences to make yourself feel good, and so I was like, okay.
That's what I had to change in my head is I was like, money is not evil. Money doesn't necessarily,
Dave: well, it's, it's, it's, it does sound like it's a great book and 'cause it's looked at it as a scarcity Right. Versus abundance.
Angie: And it, it's exactly right. And obviously I have a bad way of explaining it, but
Dave: No, you're explaining it perfectly.
Angie: Yeah.
Dave: And when I started being like, not only is it a vehicle, it's energy
Angie (2): mm-hmm. And
Dave: how you obtain it. Is how you're gonna attract from there. That's so if you obtain it in a scarcity way and you hoard it, you're not gonna be able to have it flow. Right. If you don't put it, you know, everyone's like, put it to work.
I hate that 'cause it's like a transactional [00:07:00] way, but if it's an energy, it needs to move.
Angie (2): Right.
Dave: It needs to be doing something. Mm-hmm. Because it's not about the actual dollars and cents, it's the about the abundant mindset behind it.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right. Like there's a great saying I heard recently, like God doesn't cash small checks.
Like no one's inspired by like playing small
Angie: right
Dave: in this game of life. Whether it was in the past, me having an army and going to get territory or trying to build communities. Like there's something, now it's money is the, not necessarily the thing of how you measure it, but it's how you access that impact.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: How the expansion and growth is a lot of the ways you could do it and what you do with the money matters. Mm-hmm. And so it's easy to judge some of these material things. It's easy to judge the guy in the Lambo, and then even then there's like micro judgments in between it. [00:08:00]
Angie: Yep.
Dave: So I have friends who are like, oh, this isn't what I pictured.
They pictured this like lime green, like two-seater on the floor. Lamborghini car where it's the SUV, you know, matte black.
Angie: Yeah.
Dave: I'm like,
Angie: which is funny 'cause even you saying that you're almost,
Dave: I'm justifying
Angie: well you're justifying it, but you're almost saying that the other option, like of course the two of the low one with the two seats.
Wait, lemme finish.
Dave: You didn't, lemme finish the thought. The thought was it shouldn't matter.
Angie: Right?
Dave: What? So if you know me
Angie: mm-hmm.
Dave: As your friend, as the person, I just show up differently. Why? 'cause I got a Lamborghini Because it's triggering to people. Because most people, they can't write that check in their brain of self-worth and abundance to spend on that car.
Yet a Land Rover, a Range Rover, while expensive. Doesn't trigger. There's like almost like this unwritten rule.
Angie: Yeah.
Dave: And so that's the [00:09:00] thing
Angie: I'm thinking about when every time we go to Tony Robbins, how he holds people's purses up. Right. And he's like, who has a Louis Vuitton? And he like holds up their purse.
And then he is like, who has the, the cheap, you know, the one that they got at Ross, half price and they're so proud of it and they hold theirs up And he talks about the, basically the whole idea of like your self worth, like Yes. And what you're willing to. Spend your spend on yourself or spend for yourself.
Like we've I for a long time, I would only spend money on the kids and it would be like, that's how I justified it. I was like, Ooh, this is for my kids. Giving them the Or you
Dave: justify it through coaching.
Angie: Well, yeah. Or experiences.
Dave: Yep.
Angie: And it really wasn't until the horse that I really started buying.
Material things. Now I'll buy every horse thing out there just because I'm like, this is amazing.
Dave: Listen, that makeover, um, if you're looking to do it, uh, what's her name? Tali.
Angie: Talia Cogan. Yeah.
Dave: She's incredible. She charged $15,000 just for the experience. You gotta fly out there.
Angie: No, you have to. She, she raised her prices.
She needs her
Dave: prices,
Angie: [00:10:00] which there she should. She created this incredible experience for women to like, step into and activate themselves. So now she has this, this whole, it's not, uh. Anything that we've spent that kind of money on, I'm like, if I can get one good thing out of it and I've gotten so much out of that experience, then it's worth it.
And then some, and so,
Dave: so someone would be like, well, that doesn't make sense. But their studies have shown that when you feel a certain way about yourself and what was it, Neil Patel or somebody spent like. I know a hundred thousand dollars on the wardrobe. Mm-hmm. And he measured that the way it made him feel, he went out and produced an extra 300, or excuse me.
Yep. Three quarters of a million dollars. Right. And Tali should raise the prices because I was talking to someone. Remember we had Mark Grove on, and Mark and I are friends, and we brought in a friend and we had this, it was a little side note, like a six hour mastermind conversation that I thought was gonna be 20 minutes.
And I was telling her about Tali. Mm-hmm. And she was like, oh, is it so and so and so and so? I was like, no. I was like, it was a lot of money. You know? It ended up [00:11:00] being like 30 something thousand. She goes, oh yeah, no, this woman is a hundred thousand. So there's a woman out there. Oh yeah. That does what Tali does and charges a hundred thousand dollars.
Angie: Yeah. It's not even about the number. That's the thing. Take the
Dave: money away. Exactly. Not about the number. If you have an abundant mindset that's purpose driven, that is focused, laser focused into what you want to do, your sole purpose, what you're called to do, that is a billion dollar mindset. Mm-hmm. And you're gonna attract billion dollar people that are gonna help you get to where you go.
So it is a direct reflection of how abundant and how you look at life.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: It's just people get triggered by, and your standards, your standard a hundred percent point word. Yeah.
Angie: You know, like, you talk about standards all the time and it's like, you know, I, I joke because I just, I bought a horse trailer literally last weekend and.
On our way back,
Dave: which tested. Which tested our, uh, test. Yeah. How much you could spend without, exactly.
Angie: But I bought this horse trailer. I brought the girls up there to check it out. And I look at [00:12:00] this place and it's, it's called the Hamburger Hut and the fricking sign's falling off.
Dave: Been off. Yeah.
Angie: You've been there.
Dave: I have.
Angie: That's disgusting.
Dave: I have,
Angie: because the signs are like falling off. I don't think you've been to this one.
Dave: Maybe it was years ago.
Angie: Yeah. Anyways, I, Lola had to pee and I was like, Lola, like I'm just gonna pull into the Hamburger Hut. And she saw it and she was like, Nope, I'm holding it. We're not going.
I can't step foot in there. And I was like, no, I've we're just get a couple burgers while we're in there. And she was like, oh God. I mean, that's an extreme case, but like, it's just setting those standards in the same way. It's just a different. Level, right? Like I wouldn't stay at a place that had bedbugs and disgusting sheets and wasn't clean and had zero standards for itself.
Like, well, you get what I'm saying? Like it's just this level of like, it also what you're willing to accept in your life.
Dave: Yes. What you're willing to tolerate.
Angie: Yes.
Dave: And what, how does, what is the quote you are what you tolerate.
Angie: Exactly. And all of these masters of like manifestation and these people that we listen to, [00:13:00] they talk a lot about, it's never about the number, but it's about how you feel.
And it's a feeling, and that is what it comes down to. When you wanna manifest something or you're looking for something, it has nothing to do with the number or the actual thing itself. It's can you step into that and feel that as you are already and be grateful for what you are now and who you, what you have now, and who you are now that will allow you to step into that.
Whatever that goal is,
Dave: and it's about trying on the experience. Mm-hmm. Like I may never have, this is like a two year thing. The, the, the warranty's up in two years I got this interesting executive lease. I may be like, I wanted to try on what it was like to have a Lamborghini.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: And now I'm done.
Angie: Yeah.
Or touching our dreams. Yes. Like when we go to houses that are $30 million and we're like, we're just gonna touch our dreams. You know what I mean?
Dave: Plus, plus not pedestal it either. Yeah. Like if I had this watch and I never wore it, that would be ridiculous.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Like drive it like you stole it.
Angie (2): Yeah.
Dave: And just because the number doesn't matter, the [00:14:00] number, the number's also there to the standard is also to stretch your capacity.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right. It's to unveil you, reveal you. Even when I had no money. I still wanted to stretch myself into something more quality, a higher standard. I wanted to like see who I had to become to be able to do that thing. Mm-hmm. And that's where it becomes that abundant game, capacity game, standard game, and really eternal expansion game.
Like you can give me an F-150 and I'm gonna rock the shit outta that. I'm driving it.
Angie: Right,
Dave: but it's just a matter of like where you're at.
Angie: Yeah. And it goes back to, it's not about the number because like if you could have that feeling and that experience in that thing, like you told me, we were talking yesterday about cruise, and you were like, what would you sell Cruise for?
And I was like, nothing. Like you can't gimme a million dollars. And you're like, what if I could give you $9 million? I was like, no, no answer. No. I said, what if I give
Dave: you the ranch instead? Well, yeah. And so these [00:15:00] things usually to grow, whether it's listen. It could be raising a million dollars to be able to give it away in a philanthropic way.
Mm-hmm. Like, you gotta think bigger. The pers I'm not taking away from the person who is doing, you know, God's work one person at a time. Yeah. If you wanna have true impact, you gotta think bigger. That's one of the issues with, um, philanthropy in general. Like, people get so mad at these companies 'cause they have private jets and they have, um, huge marketing expenses.
And I'm like, in order to have that kind of. To attract people who are gonna work for that nonprofit to do worldwide movements. You gotta spend money, you gotta treat it like a business. It's playing very big versus playing small. And I say this all the time, right? If you see a car or a house or an experience or a vacation or a private school for your kids, regardless of what it is, and you're like, eh, I can't do it.
What you're truly saying is you don't trust and believe that you are the person that is capable of pulling off the [00:16:00] results and the fruit that requires you to do in order to get that thing. It's an uncast check that you're refusing to sign, and that pisses us off. I do that too.
Angie: Yeah, we definitely do.
And to do
Dave: that from scarcity and abundance, episode two of this podcast, we dived right in, dove right into money. Do you share your money in your marriage or your relationship, or do you split it?
Angie: Yeah. And we were sharing what we do personally with our money, which we, everything is joint.
Dave: I'd be curious if you could do this without justifying
Angie: No, I, I don't think it's about justifying.
I think that once we did this episode, it sparked a lot of conversations, positive and, and some really positive and some really negative. Mm-hmm. And. Like you said, it goes back to everything we just talked about, the relationship someone has with money or scarcity and abundance or whatever that is a, a reflection of how they feel.
Personally, we hadn't, we were just explaining, we, we probably weren't fair because we didn't actually talk about like. The other options [00:17:00] and the other ways people split money. A lot of people were like, well, we have a joint account and we share household expenses, we share kid expenses. We do that, and then we hold separate accounts where, you know, we each have our own money that we can share.
There was also a lot of conversation about, well, my husband or wife would spend all this money, and what if I'm a saver and a spender versus the relationship? I know you're laughing, but like I'm explaining what we're we were talking about and. I mean, it sparked some interesting conversations and topics.
Dave: Yeah. One person in particular who shall not be named, got really, really mad at you and really triggered.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm. And
Dave: it upset the shit outta you.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And it spiraled you a little bit, derailed you from your energy, your abundant energy.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Because this person thought we were talking about and you weren't.
I was, I was not in a judgmental way, but in a way that when I was at that dinner. The bill came, my default [00:18:00] as a man was to put my credit card on the table and take care of the entire thing. I'm learning to give people the ability and the opportunity to do what I do all the time. And so I was like, okay, they can split it.
Right? I'm not trying to big time anybody. And then the conversation was, are you paying it or me? And it just, it was shocking. It was jolting to me. I.
Angie (2): I
Dave: just had it. And that was what led me to really think about it. And listen, I know I'm aggressive and I come off as like, I don't know, intense, whatever. But I'm more curious than anything else.
That's why I have 2000 books. That's why I'm interested in so many things. 'cause I'm just curious in people's perspective. Mm-hmm. And it just blew my mind. That's how people would play the game.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Not even in judgmental way. 'cause it just does wouldn't work for me.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Not on any day.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And that's where I'm not gonna apologize to anyone listening or watching.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm. [00:19:00]
Dave: That would not work for me. That's not how I play the game of marriage or even relationships.
Angie: Yeah. And I think you know it. So,
Dave: so, so this led to this person not only saying, are you talking about me, but harboring all this resentment, refusing to talk to you, someone that means the world to you.
Someone that we would do anything for, like truthfully love. Mm-hmm. And you went into justify mode.
Angie: Yeah, I mean I did obviously like my, you know, my human nature and there are parts of me that did, I was like, okay, did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Like, I don't know. And I still don't know.
'cause I, I listened to it like 17 times afterwards and I'm like, okay, maybe this is what they picked up on. Maybe this is what they picked up on. I'm still not quite sure. But there was by no means. We were, we by no means were we judging anyone. Yeah. For how they do things at all. In fact, yeah. But by a lot of the people we know do things differently than us, [00:20:00] and that's okay.
That's, that works for them. What works for us is what we were sharing and what we we know and what we can talk about.
Dave: Well, it's kinda like the vaccination thing, right? We have a lot of friends that don't vaccinate their kids.
Angie: Yeah.
Dave: We, we do. We're not in love with vaccinations and we spread them out, but that's what worked for us.
Angie: But it's a heated topic when it comes up every time with any type of person. But for
Dave: us, it's like, I don't, I don't judge. I'm, I'm,
Angie: no, I
Dave: don't mind my kids hanging out with their kids. I love them. It's just, yeah, doesn't affect me.
Angie: Exactly
Dave: right. When you live a certain way
Angie: mm-hmm.
Dave: And you're passionate about the way you do it, that in itself can be a conviction against, or a judgment against the way they do it.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: You know, it's the same thing again, back to the Lamborghini, that my choice of a vehicle and spending that kind of money on a car could be a trigger for certain people.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Which is ironic because. The people that light up like a Christmas tree when they see my car
Angie (2): mm-hmm.
Dave: Are the [00:21:00] ones I feel that have not lost.
Hope, joy, optimism. Kids lose their shit.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm. People are
Dave: like excited about it, almost to the point it's embarrassing.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm. And
Dave: some people just judging, judging, judging, judging, judging. Dim light, dim my light, dim my light. Same thing with this. Maybe people who are judging this are going, man, I wish I had a relationship.
That had so much trust and abundance that we could put all the money in one account and not worry about it.
Angie: Mm-hmm. Well, and that's, that's really what came down to the whole episode is every conversation I had about it, because it came up so many times. It was, if people kept everything separate, they justified it.
They talked about it, they talked why it worked for them. They had their own justifications, their pros and their cons. The people that. Shared everything like we do. They had their pros and cons and why they only think that's the way. Like that was the interesting, even my nail tech was like, you know, I was talking to her about it.
She had had it had come up in a conversation and she was like, I just don't see how. Keeping anything. Like, if you're [00:22:00] not all in, like what's it all for then? Why? Even like, you know, why get married? And I was like, so everybody had their own extremes, their own pros, their own cons, like all the things. And that's something that like, I can't, I can't change somebody's mind.
I can't. I ain one person
Dave: tell me that I, they, like, I don't trust myself with the money or my wife doesn't trust herself with the money.
Angie: So then the other person handles the money, so give
Dave: it. And I'm like, or
Angie: they just don't want the responsibility. They're like, please, fair freaking do it. You know what I mean?
Dave: Or people who have been divorced are like, thank God I didn't share the money. Well then you shouldn't have been in the marriage in the first place. And I know you can't control this stuff. And I was relating it almost to business, you know? That's like me saying, okay, well I'm not gonna go all in on my business 'cause I'm afraid one day it's gonna go bankrupt.
Well then you're never gonna have a successful business.
Angie: Right.
Dave: So you're more willing to go all in on your business than you are on your marriage. So if you're holding back because things aren't working out that good, you got bigger freaking problems. Mm-hmm. And if that's the case, then maybe it's triggering a time in your past or in a relationship where you're like the [00:23:00] trust in yourself or the other person is just not there.
I mean, I went to Miami last week. I was on the plane for five and a half hours and I drove myself to the airport and I wasn't even checked into the hotel and I was calling you and you were like, we went and bought a trailer. I was like, I haven't even been gone. For five hours And you bought a fucking trail.
Yeah. Right? Mm-hmm. You just drop 18, $19,000 and I mean, I know we've talked about it, but I was like, we were laughing about it.
Angie (2): Yeah.
Dave: Right. Yeah. It wasn't an issue. And then some people would get triggered, oh my God, of course they're rich at $19,000. There's nothing just like it triggered, I think, was your brother?
Somebody was like. Oh, I trust you with $50,000 spent. 'cause our numbers are different now.
Angie: Mm-hmm. And yet I was like, no big deal. Right. But what it ex exposes the most is that the money conversation with couples. I didn't realize how big of a tri trigger it was for couples relationships. Like I didn't realize it was like such a common [00:24:00] conversation.
And we do talk, we just talk about it naturally and it's one of the things that we don't really argue about. So it's easy for us to have that conversation. We argue about plenty of other things.
Dave: Yep.
Angie: But not money. And so I didn't realize there were so many couples. We argue that's one of the thing,
Dave: but we argue about, we do argue about money.
Angie: In what ways?
Dave: It's just not about money. Yeah. Like for instance, you really want a ranch a second home. Yeah. Somewhere, right? Yeah. You, you know, I've never been to Franklin, Tennessee. Yeah. And I'm
Angie: like, let's put it all on the line. We'll spend every penny we have.
Dave: Exactly. Right.
Angie: For sure.
Dave: And if we get an argument about, like, I'm like, can you freaking stop for a second?
I've never even been there. You're, you're being so pushy about it. Right. The reality is it's a money conversation.
Angie (2): Yeah.
Dave: Because. The money was so abundant and we were in a position to carry multiple loans without any worry.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right. Which we are, but not $5 million second home. That's worth more than our primary [00:25:00] residence, right?
Angie: Yeah. Not yet.
Dave: Not yet. Exactly. But like how we argue about it is basically that the root conversation of this is, am I going to do what's required? To be able to, this not be an issue whatsoever. Mm-hmm. It's just us trying on another experience.
Angie (2): Yeah.
Dave: So it's about capacity and expansion again.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Or just trying to survive and play small.
'cause we, I'll have those on the bad days, I'll be like, all right, I could sell this, do this, pay off the house and not, and we're comfortable and let's just, just stay here.
Angie: Yep.
Dave: Yes. A
Angie: hundred percent.
Dave: And then what's the point? Like it's, it's not with growth, right? And then we were talking about this and man, people really not gonna like this comment, but in certain situations a woman that's making more money or is more stable than the man is less likely wanting to share [00:26:00] the money.
Angie: I mean, I could see how that could make sense, but I think it goes both ways. There's plenty of relationships that like they don't want to share money against. You know what, that's the other person making a hundred
Dave: percent correct. I take that back. Yeah. So, but it seems like because of traditional roles
Angie (2): mm-hmm.
Dave: If a woman doesn't, if a woman's making great money and the man's not. I could be like, it's not almost, it's not a like a prenup situation.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: I believe it's just a trust. The minute that man would be making the same or more, I think the woman would be more comfortable with sharing. Not because like, no, there's more money to share.
Not like they're a gold digger or like, oh, now it's, oh, now we're equals.
Angie: Well, now we're contributing a certain amount. Exactly. About, yeah.
Dave: Traditionally it's the man. That was taking all the money, right?
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And then the woman would feel like she was held hostage, right? [00:27:00] Yeah. And, and so I'm like, again, share all the money.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: So what you're saying is like, I am willing to share a child with you, like, you brought this up last time. Mm-hmm. Like, I pushed out my babies. Right. I remember the quote. Mm-hmm.
Angie (2): But
Dave: like, like we almost are pedestal the money more than the commitment. The commitment with the kids. And again, it's a scarcity play, not an abundant play.
'cause we also mentioned in the last one where I was like. Even if you took all my money or I took all your money, like I have such unwavering faith in myself to go create again. And I don't think people have that. That's why like, think of people will ruin siblings and, and relationships over inheritances.
Oh yeah. They'll screw each other outta money. Like this. It
Angie: gets ugly when people pass away. Yeah.
Dave: I mean, I've seen some crazy stuff just in like family and friends. Family. Like what? Shit. People pull.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: On trying to like maneuver [00:28:00] money and hide. I've seen someone write checks out of a checkbook to themselves.
One of a sister outta three sisters as the mother was dying.
Angie: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I believe it
Dave: where people just aren't talking. On how certain money is divided. People get wacky about that, so people
Angie: get very interesting. Yeah.
Dave: Is so this is why it's super triggering and it
Angie: creates such huge divides between family that was close at one point and then it's like all of a sudden just completely over.
You know what I mean?
Dave: Do you really care about inheritance if you are absolutely. Accountable and responsible in your own life and your own production?
Angie: Yeah. No, not really. I mean, and I always talk like, like you were talking about energy as being, or money as being an energy and how it flows and it comes like I feel like in every, even our.
Our, um, energy healer is always saying this. She's like, listen. 'cause I always go in and it's typically when I'm having scarcity mindsets about money or about work or about business or whatever, and she's like, I don't know how many times I gotta tell you [00:29:00] this, your soul in this lifetime is not gonna have money issues.
That's just not gonna be the the problem. There's gonna be other things that come up, but it's money isn't the thing, so don't worry about it. And I truly believe that because of our energy around money, it flows to us so much more naturally and it flows from us like a lot of people. People might be like, oh yeah, they, they buy these things.
And for, for one, our numbers could be really small to a lot of people as well.
Dave: Very much so.
Angie: Right. It's all perspective. And the other thing is like nobody knows what we're doing on a day-to-day basis. Nobody knows what we're contributing as far as time and energy and money to other causes and other circumstances and organizations and things like that.
Like nobody knows the full story. So that's why it's like,
Dave: yeah, but I'm in full Mel Robbins mode with this. Let them.
Angie: Yeah, let
Dave: them, you know, one of the things that was brought up is the timing of buying a lot of this stuff and doing It was right when we took Urban Nest and plugged it into a national company.
Mm-hmm. And the assumption was we [00:30:00] got paid off.
Angie: Yeah.
Dave: And the truth is, we actually
Angie: have to pay money for this. Lost money. Yeah.
Dave: Compared to where we're at. This is a strategic long-term play that made sense to me. I guess that what they would be thinking is why would you start spending money like this while you're gonna make less money?
And what they weren't seeing was the identity shift that we were both going through. It was so urban Nest as a projection of who we were for so long that like letting go of. The brokerage part of it, not the team. Part of it was an identity shift, especially for me.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And I didn't realize, like if they were looking at my bank accounts, they would say, oh my God, how have you not?
Angie: Yep.
Dave: Already bought all these things.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right. We've lived way below our means for a long time and accumulated so much abundance. So the timing of it and it. Even as I'm explaining it, I'm like, shit, if you're explaining, you're losing and you're justifying it shouldn't have fucking mattered.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm. We
Dave: could have got a payoff of [00:31:00] $5 million and went and did all this and people should be clapping.
Mm-hmm. And inspired. Mm-hmm. Like, I'll never forget when I gave that award to you for our team. I was in this weird spot. It was the first year anybody at Urban s at that time, 10 years, had actually cleared seven figures in commission.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right? And we had the six figure Society for everyone who's made a hundred thousand or more.
We've had people make 750,000. Remember one year we made 800.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: But I remember I was like, babe, if we go over a million now, this is not even on the brokerage side.
Angie (2): Yeah.
Dave: This is just on the team. Team alone, right? Yep. I was like, if we go on over a million we're I'm gonna get a seven figure Society, pretty much award from myself and you.
Mm-hmm. And I remember I was like, am I going to share at the top producer award in front of 150 of our agents that absolutely crushed it?
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: That the top award is going to me and my wife.
Angie: Yeah. Yep.
Dave: I remember at the time [00:32:00] there was, we have two brokers, my dad, Danny, and me. There was five of us, and we were trying to figure out if I should give that award out.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And I can't remember who, but two were against it and two were for it.
Angie (2): Yep.
Dave: And I was the deciding vote. And I went into that night not knowing what I was gonna do. The ward was there. I mean, real big, looks like a skyscraper. It's beautiful. And it was like. An in the moment decision, am I gonna give this award out?
Mm-hmm. This is kind of where I'm at my best. No time to think, get outta my head directly into my heart and just fucking go.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: You remember what I said?
Angie: Yeah. You were talking, you basically were like, the way that you react to this is going to be more of a reflection of you and how you feel versus what actually is going on.
I
Dave: said, if you are triggered by this, you need to look in. To yourself.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Or if you're inspired by this, that means that you see the possibility that you can do [00:33:00] it. And I went through this thing like, almost don't you want the leader of this company to be able to perform and do the things you want to do?
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And I, I put out a gauntlet, I laid it down right there. I said, if you want to be a president, we've done it. If you wanna buy a building that's $8 million and put your ass on the line, we've done it. You wanna open a business, we've done it. You wanna build a team? We've done it.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: You wanna make seven figures in your real estate.
Now we've done it. And I said, in the day, you outgrow me, or This company is the day you should leave.
Angie: Yep.
Dave: And that's the way it is about everything. Yeah. Like, you may not want some of the things we want, but every time you're like, you know what, we're not gonna get that hotel room because we gotta play a certain way, or we can't bring a nanny because of this, or we can't get the fast pass because we don't make enough money.
Right. Like you have to [00:34:00] become the standard. Yep.
Angie: And it doesn't mean that you don't have imposter syndrome the whole fucking way through either. Oh
Angie (2): God.
Angie: You know, like even you bringing up that, um, the award, like, I mean I had such different things about it. I was like, oh God, like should I be doing this?
Should we be talking about it? Should, you know, do I want everybody to know? It's just constant. It doesn't matter what level level you're at, there's always imposter syndrome if you're growing in some way, shape, or form, and building capacity.
Dave: Well, the next year I think we made like 800. Mm-hmm.
Angie: Like you
Dave: put so much pressure on yourself to make a million, and then we said screw it.
And then the next two years after that, we did it.
Angie: Yep.
Dave: So, right, like it was, it became the norm.
Angie: Yep.
Dave: Right?
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: And so the reason why it's so important to talk about this is because. Money is just the mask for everything else attached to it. It's a distractor on are you willing to do what's required [00:35:00] to reveal the person you already are, but you're unwilling yet to step into and you've never arrived.
Angie: Yep.
Dave: New level, new devil. And I'm in rooms where I feel like. Oh my God. I have, I don't even think big compared to these people. Yeah. And yes, the money they have is a reflection of how big they think and how easy the game gets. Especially when you get out of the way, the acceleration and the speed and the compounding return of this success.
Mm-hmm. That's why the rich get richer. 'cause they figure it out.
Angie: Well and they don't have the pressure, they don't have the resistance on it anymore. It's just, it flows
Dave: well. They understand what's required.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: They understand that you have to break through. And then getting, there is never a money issue.
It's never an obstacle issue. It's a you issue.
Angie: Yep.
Dave: It's a belief. It's psychological in
Angie: everything, whether it's money, your body, your being, anything. There's always this upper end relationships, [00:36:00] anything. There's this upper limit problem. That's why a lot of people cheat because they've reached this like point and they're like, I don't feel like I'm worth it.
Or they're self-sabotaging in some way. So it's in anything. Right? But it's this upper limit problem until you break through that. You're gonna continue to hit that.
Dave: So I'm gonna, I'm gonna wrap it up like this.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: With my friends, I'll sometimes say to them, do you want my friend answer or do you want my leader slash coach answer?
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: My friend answer is like, you, hey, whatever works for you. We're not here to judge. Do what, what? What works? Peace be with you also be, do you have
Angie: to be so condescending when you say it
Dave: that No, because you love your friends. The friendship means a lot to you. Yeah. And you don't wanna make them uncomfortable.
Angie: Right.
Dave: And I, I could argue that that's not true, friend. [00:37:00] Right. It's your friend will tell you what
Angie: you don't wanna hear, don't wanna hear. Mm-hmm.
Dave: Because that is like a coach.
Angie: Right.
Dave: And I wouldn't, if, if, if Ella came to me. And was like, my husband doesn't wanna share money with me. The truth is I'd be like, run for the fucking hills.
Angie: Yeah, that's fair. And that's the
Dave: real, that's the real story. Right? That's
Angie: very fair. I would feel the same way.
Dave: And if I was coaching someone and they were paying me real money in a relationship and marriage coaching.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And it was a man, I'd be like, share the money. Don't do the prenup. If you have to protect your family, fine.
Carve out money. It's both of yours. If you can't trust this woman, it's the wrong woman. And if you got problems with it, 'cause you don't think you're gonna be able the money, you're the wrong man. Mm-hmm. And then who do you have to become? To be like, what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine and we're gonna build this thing together.
So if someone was paying me money or if it was my daughter, that's my true feelings. Mm-hmm. Like take a look at your marriage and be like, why can't I do this? And [00:38:00] what would have to occur in order for me to be able to be like, let's put it all together.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: Let's put up a shut up time.
Angie: Yeah. It's all on the line.
Dave: Balls on the table, like, open the kimono. Like, or rather, let's just play small. And safe. You're never truly all in, and that means you can't talk about other shit either.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: And you know what? That's just merely surviving. That's not thriving. There's no next level of a relationship on that.
Angie (2): Yeah.
Dave: And so, yeah, I mean, we could sit here and talk and jerk each other off and just make everybody happy.
Or we could talk about real things and be like, well, we already pissed you off. I love you, but be willing to fucking collide and don't hide behind some passive aggressive shit because you haven't dealt with it in your own life. That's true talk.
Angie (2): Mm-hmm.
Dave: Right?
Angie (2): Yeah.
Dave: And so, yeah. Do you. But if you want the truth, you should be in a marriage where you, you share your kids, you're all in on money.
You're all in in [00:39:00] faith. You hold each other. The whole point of the 10 year marriage is to have real conversations. I'm not committing to another 10 years with someone that I can't share all my money with. I'm not committing to another 10 years with somebody that I can't trust with all the accounts. I'm not committing to a person that, that I can't trust that could bankrupt me in one fucking day and take all the kids Uhuh.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: Not playing that way. I'm not. What?
Angie: Nothing. I, I agree with you wholeheartedly, and obviously I'm reserved and it's uncomfortable because of what came up, but I a hundred percent agree
Dave: and if you have a prenup, I just saw this past weekend, um, a guy was called to get rid of the prenup in his marriage.
Angie: That's, and they were, a
Dave: bunch of guys were like, good luck. And he was like, Nope. That's what I'm called to do.
Angie: And guess what? His wife probably has that much more respect and love and honor for him because of it.
Dave: And she didn't even ask. He just felt called.
Angie: Right. And maybe some of the resentment that may have built up in other things was dropped because he made that [00:40:00] decision.
Dave: And here's the thing. Mm-hmm. Let's say the day after she divorces him, takes half his money.
Angie: Mm-hmm.
Dave: He just saved himself another 10 or 20 years of not knowing with somebody that wasn't
Angie: the right person.
Dave: You got it?
Angie: Yep.
Dave: But that's not how we play the game, but that's what I'm hunting down. So, well, I feel like there's gonna be a part three, a part four, and a part five probably.
So, I mean, this is the conversation that just keeps giving and I can't wait to have people on to, to actually get, um, their, in the moment
Angie: reactions
Dave: as well. Yeah. And
Angie: have like a live debate on like what it means, right? Yeah. And, and go from there. But again, out of love and like just curiosity, not out of judgment or whatever, you know.
Dave: Yeah, I think you'll be the good guy on this. I don't mind being the bad boy. So, well, if we go thank you for listening and watching to another episode of the 10 year marriage. So don't forget to leave a review and you see, you know, I didn't, I forgot to ask people for reviews and then I was on [00:41:00] Spotify and Apple the other day and I was like, who are all these beautiful reviews from people?
And I was like, I wanna make sure only leave the review. If it really impacted your life and it just forced you or invited you to actually think more deeply about your marriage or about your relationship, but we'd really appreciate it. Thanks.