The Next Perfect Step
Candid conversations about spirituality, how to navigate in the world, channeled messages, guided meditations, book reviews and other topics. We invite comments and questions as we look to connect with a community of similar interests.
The Next Perfect Step
Living Your Dream Life: Tools for Self-Discovery and Joy
What does living your dream life actually mean? Soul coach Laurie Mullen demystifies this concept in her powerful new book, revealing that a dream life isn't about accumulating possessions or achieving specific milestones—it's about genuinely loving the life you're living right now.
Laurie openly shares how she wrote a book she never thought possible, confronting imposter syndrome and self-doubt along the way. The true revelation lies in her practical approach: there's no magic pill for happiness, but there are essential tools that can transform how you navigate life's challenges. From self-regulation techniques like meditation to the multi-layered process of forgiveness, Laurie offers accessible strategies that she continues to use herself.
The conversation explores emotional intelligence as a cornerstone of personal growth. When you've done the inner work of self-discovery, external events may still affect you, but they won't fundamentally shake your sense of self. This solid foundation comes through consistent practice of tools like gratitude, which Laurie describes as transformative when used to shift focus away from negativity. She also emphasizes the importance of celebrating wins—both large and small—to counteract our tendency to fixate on what's lacking.
What makes Laurie's approach refreshingly authentic is her humility. She didn't write her book because she's mastered these principles, but because she's witnessed their effectiveness in her own life and with clients. The journey toward your dream life isn't about reaching perfection—it's about embracing the ongoing process of self-discovery with compassion and purpose. Ready to transform your relationship with yourself? This conversation offers a perfect starting point.
So I'll start Hi, welcome to the next perfect step. We're all possibilities lie in conversation. I'm your co-host, Lori Mullen.
Speaker 2:I'm your co-host, lori Tremblay, and today we have two special announcements. We have an additional official additional co-host who's been our guest before, and we're partnering with Kim McStay.
Speaker 3:Can't talk today, so welcome Kim, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:And our special guest today is our own Lori Mullen. She has just published Living your Dream Life and we're so super proud of her and we're going to have Lori talk about her book and it's fantastic, fascinating book.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just want to say, lori, I was very impressed with what it did as far as really using it as like a workbook and a reference book and to have it on your shelf and be able to go and grab it anytime. And you know it, it had so many you know wonderful aspects of, you know how to use tools and all of that kind of stuff, so I was very impressed and I my first question to you was with the title of the book. You know, what does your dream life look like to you?
Speaker 1:What I'm living right now. So if, honestly, 10 years ago I couldn't, I couldn't have even dreamed what I'm doing right now, right, I mean, the truth is I could not have dreamed this up. I mean, living my dream life is saying to you that I honestly love the life I'm living. Like, not every day is great, and that's what you know is a big part of this book is this isn't going to be every day as roses. Right, life's still going to happen, but I have the tools not to make it devastate me or ruin my entire day or week. Right, I have learned to be able to let go of some of these things, and that means by refocusing, right. And so my dream life is what I'm living today. I am doing things I never imagined I'm doing. I am traveling, I'm going on adventures, I have beautiful children, a wonderful husband, book. I mean, there is not a minute in my life that I could have told you I could have wrote a book and I did, and so these are the things. It's not even about all the big accomplishments, it's just being happy with my life, and that's what I want for everybody. And, as I say in my book, it is no magic pill Like it is a challenge every day.
Speaker 1:So I did this amazing thing. I wrote a book, which is something for me I just I could have never dreamt that I could have done. And when I did it, tons and tons and tons of self-doubt came up. Imposter syndrome came up. There was a lot of emotions and old baggage that I had to deal with, but it was because of the tools that I have used in my own life and I have used with other people that did not let me stay there in depression and self-doubt. I started to refocus on gratitude. I did something I didn't think I could do. My children were super proud of me. My son told me I inspired him. I mean, I won right there. No matter what happens, I won right there.
Speaker 2:That is living my dream life beautiful, great well also, laura, you're also a soul coach and you've done a lot of work with clients and I think is it true that some of this much of the book came from the work that you've done with clients.
Speaker 1:It helped them, so it all did. So. These were the tools that helped me in my life and when I started my own business I'm a Reiki practitioner, now master I started realizing that there was more energy, work that I could support people in, and I created a program called Soul Coaching, which was really trying to find your inner soul, which is your inner happiness, right, your inner joy, joy. And these were the tools and the steps that I use to help people in that program. And it's laying a foundation, right? It's all inner work and you need to start somewhere. Most of us don't even know how to do that inner work. And inner work doesn't mean disappearing from the world you still have to interact with people. So it's how to do inner work. And inner work doesn't mean disappearing from the world you still have to interact with people. So it's how to do inner work and then use it in your everyday life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's great. In one of the chapters you talked about self-regulation and I'm just curious what types of tools do you? You wrote a lot of tools in there, but what tools do you find most beneficial for you to help you self-regulate?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean they're all good right. We need them all at different times. So, like I just said, I had self-doubt so I would go back to breaking up with my self-limiting beliefs. So I would go back to breaking up with my self-limiting beliefs, which I think is really huge for everybody. But I think for me, my personal own, is meditation.
Speaker 1:When I get overly stressed and overwhelmed, I really need to sit in quiet. But that's for me. There's tools for everybody, but for me I really have to start back my meditation practice becoming still quieting the mind, even if it's for five minutes or for a half an hour. I just do whatever I can do. I mean, even if it means walking into a public bathroom and getting away from everybody for five minutes and taking a couple deep breaths. That's what you have to do. And for me, that's really important. For me, when I start getting overwhelmed or when those self-limiting beliefs get too loud in my head, I need to just quiet everything and come back to me, block the whole world out and just reconnect with me, and so for me, that's one of my biggest tools to help reset that's great.
Speaker 2:Thank you it is, and you had a chapter that I enjoyed about forgiveness and, um, I like that you said you write a letter to your past self offering compassion and understanding for choices that you made and then stepping into other shoes and asking, well, what might have led them to behave this way? So those were good tools for forgiveness. What have you found as far as those tools for forgiveness?
Speaker 1:yeah. So forgiveness is a big subject, right. I mean, we, we've all had things happen to us, um, that we even still carry for a long time. And again, as I said in the book, forgiveness is really not about the other person. It's about releasing yourself from the heaviness and from you know the damage that you're doing to your own heart, right, but it's a path of self-discovery too. You know you forgive yourself.
Speaker 1:There's always a part of even forgiving the other person, like when you have an argument with somebody, it's not so much that you did something wrong, but sometimes you feel guilt on even being in that situation or anything like that. And I'm not going to go to the extremes, like there's a lot of things that I know, you know tragedies of assault or stuff like that that's really hard to forgive. But in this book it's talking about baby steps, you know, and so when you can start with self forgiveness and work your way through tools again, this whole book is about discovery, right, so it's discovering your feelings, discovery, right. So it's discovering your feelings and what needs to be forgiven, so what feels heavy, right, and to be really gentle with yourself. It's not none of this. I say it a hundred times in this book. It's not a magic pill. This stuff doesn't happen overnight. You have to constantly keep practicing forgiveness. But it's hugely important and there's many layers to forgiveness and you can't do them all at once, like none of this book. To read through this book you can't just you haul it and do all of it all at once. That's overwhelming and you end up quitting.
Speaker 1:I did, I always did so. If you break it down like so, go to. If you're feeling like you need self-forgiveness or you need to forgive somebody else, you know you read through all the tools but then you go back to that and you take the baby steps with each separate one. You can't U-Haul everything. Everything, every success is in a baby step. You take one step in forgiveness.
Speaker 1:You start with yourself, which may just be a letter or a meditation with yourself. You may sit with yourself and talk to yourself about it and you may come to these aha moments when you're just sitting in meditation with yourself that you never saw the aspect of it before. Right? I will never forget one time I was having an argument with a family member and he was really upset and I was in the car driving and I just started having this conversation out loud like I was having with them. And I was started having this conversation out loud like I was having with them and I was really angry. And then all of a sudden I'm also in this meditation, responding for them too, like I know what they're going to say.
Speaker 1:But in that conversation that I had with myself which was relative of my family member, there became this incredible aha moment. I saw an aspect or a different point of view that I didn't know existed and I was suddenly like, oh my God, I get it, I understand where they're coming from, like I understand how they feel and I would feel the same way. And it kind of released something in me where then now I was able to go with them and we were able to have this conversation and kind of work it out and come to a new understanding. But it was in that car of arguing with myself that I was able to open up this aspect that I just never even would have ever thought and had an understanding for, and I was able to approach them differently.
Speaker 3:And when you talk about forgiveness and things like that you also mentioned being accepting of how plays a big role in how you can forgive yourself and others is to put yourself in that place of accepting.
Speaker 1:Acceptance and compassion is really huge. Right. We cannot change other people, right. Cannot change other people, right. And when you come to a point of your own self-discovery where you have discovered what your feelings are and where and why they've come from, you've looked at every aspect you could, you have tried to communicate with them in a different way, and they're just not having it okay. They don't want to see it any other way. They think they're right. Whatever the circumstance is on the heart that either both you feel or you feel.
Speaker 1:You come to a place where I'm not, this isn't going to change, right. And you, with self-discovery, you come to a place where you're okay with that right. You no longer have to have the conversation, you don't have to be right, you don't have to defend yourself. It is what it is. You see that person from a new light. You also know now how you can communicate with them or not communicate with them, or you get to now decide what this relationship is going to look like, and not from anger, not from guilt, not from shame, not from anything except acceptance of this is what it is now and how can I move forward and be okay with all of it.
Speaker 2:I think what you said is really important about self-love and self-forgiveness. I think that's the number one thing to really be aware of and focus on, and you give tools for that. You give tools for self-love and self-forgiveness. One thing I liked that you talked about was emotional intelligence, and I think you're kind of talking about that now is where you're aware of your emotions and you're aware of what is causing them, or even in someone else, but mostly in yourself yes and and in this book, like I give you even now, giving you examples and tools.
Speaker 1:but you, in this, in this journey of self-discovery, when you're examining all of this, you find your tool, you find your way of acceptance and self-love, and I'm giving you the opportunity to even look at it and discover what your feeling is and how to create your own tool. But, laura, you're right, I mean, all of it comes back in this huge journey of self-acceptance, self-love, inner work. It all comes back to loving yourself completely. When you can discover everything about yourself. I mean, you'll never discover everything, because it's always an ongoing journey. Right, it's never a destination, it's always an ongoing journey. We are always changing and we're supposed to, but you begin to enjoy finding the changes and the discovery in yourself.
Speaker 1:And when you can truly do that work, you stand in a place where the world happens around you. You stand in a place where the world happens around you, but it's not off kiltering. You know yourself, You're strong, you're grounded, you're steady. Right, there may be things you have to relook at. There's still. You know, somebody says something that throws you off, but you know who you are, you know where you stand and suddenly you're not doubting yourself like am I a good person? No, I know I'm a good person and if they took the what I said this way, I'm sorry for that, but that's not who I am. Like suddenly. You don't question yourself. You may question the conversation. Could I have approached this conversation differently? How, next time or moving forward, would I approach this differently? But you don't question yourself, because you've done the work to know who you truly are.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, I love that. I think that's really super important to kind of see it that way. And I love how you brought up and you brought it up in the book about it being an ongoing journey and it's not a destination. Um, I think that's so important for people to understand that it's it doesn't just, you know, happen overnight, that you know you've got to really kind of work on on those types of things, um, you know, along the way and you're going to run into all kinds of trouble. But you know, what I love about this book is that there's a lot of tools in it for people to use and so many choices.
Speaker 3:And one of my favorite things about it that I read was when, well, there were two of them. One was about gratitude and one was about celebration, and I love that. You know, as far as like manifestation that you put in there, that if you can celebrate, like really think about celebrating the goals even before you accomplish them, you know like plan a celebration for those goals, I love that. I thought that was really a creative way of looking at it. And the other one that I really loved was your gratitude, which you know I've always written lists of what I'm grateful for, but I liked your twist on it when you talked about how does that feel and the example that you used with dinner with your family and you know, so that the gratitude becomes more meaningful and you know, if you would like to speak to us on that, I those are really important for me, I would.
Speaker 1:I love to talk about all this, so you may have to rope me back in and remind me what exactly I'm talking about. So it was one of the first tools and lessons that I learned and I did it with every single one of my clients was just the very first exercise I give everyone is to write down three to five things you are grateful for every day. And then in a couple weeks we write down three to five things we're grateful for ourselves, right? So you start off with you know, I'm grateful for the food I ate today, and then eventually you're like I'm grateful that I held the door for somebody, or I'm grateful that I was able to accomplish something today, you know. So I mean, that's something in the book. Sometimes you think it's repeating, but it's in levels, right, and to look at something differently. But I've also realized which, again, will be at a level. So I started off with the three to five things that I'm grateful for. I'm grateful about myself, and now I know that when the voices in my head get too loud and I'm upset about something, and okay, I have looked at it from every angle and I'm just, I'm ready to let this all go. The easiest and fastest way to do that is to change your focus from whatever it is to gratitude, and it doesn't even have to be about them or the car or the thing. You can just change it. Listen, I'm having a bad day, whatever, something happened at work, and then I can turn around and sit and say, okay, I'm just done with it, I don't want to think about it anymore, this doesn't affect me, this isn't who I am, this does not going to change my life. I can turn around and say, well, I am really grateful for the food in my refrigerator, I am really grateful for my children, I am really grateful for the garden I have outside. And it can just start with little things like that, and then it starts to maneuver. You start getting deeper and deeper of the things you're grateful for. I'm grateful that I didn't blow up right. I'm grateful that I didn't lose my job. I'm grateful that I am able to separate this now. I'm grateful that I have a tool to refocus. I'm grateful to get myself out of this energy, you know, and gratitude's huge, absolutely huge. It really. I have not only seen it in my own life, but I have witnessed it in so many people's lives truly, truly, can change your life a hundred percent. I agree.
Speaker 1:And we're not taught to celebrate our wins, really, big or small. Right, if you celebrate even the big wins, sometimes you know they've taught you that you're being selfish or you're you're prospering, right, you're peacocking, whatever, whatever they want to say, right, and really we really do need to celebrate our wins. We're always looking at what could we have done better? Or what did we not do, what did we not accomplish? Or this is just one step. I haven't reached my goal yet, yeah, but you made one step. You made one step towards the goal. You did something you have never done or did in a different way, and that's worth celebrating, right. So maybe you celebrate the little baby steps and when you've reached your goal then really like, plan something to celebrate. It's okay to do that, right, you, we need to pat ourselves on the back. You know we have to be our biggest cheerleader, you know, I mean that's, that's a big thing.
Speaker 1:Happiness is not outside yourself. Somebody else can't make you happy. They can add to your happiness, but they can't make you happy, right. And the same thing with support and everything else around you. People can support you, but you need to support you. You can't depend on success or failure by other people supporting you. Success or failure is determined by you, right? And lastly, I just really want to quickly state something you said I didn't write this book because I'm a pro.
Speaker 1:I didn't write this book because I don't have to use every tool in this book. Still, today, I have to use the tools in this book. It is a journey on different levels. I am going to tell you, the more you use the tool. It's difficult at first because you're not used to using these tools. You're not. You don't know how much they can change your life. Right to have tools in your life. Not just my tools, but tools can change your life for the better. So it's. It's hard at first because you it's like a broken record. That voice keeps coming back and you have to keep using the tool and using the tool Well, so do I. It just becomes easier. I don't have to use them as often. I don't have to use them as long. I see things quicker for what they are.
Speaker 1:Oh, those are old self-limiting beliefs and I don't believe those anymore. I know who I am. If no one likes my book, okay, I am proud of myself. I truly believe, because I have seen it for myself and I have seen it when other people have used it, when my clients have used it, that it truly can improve your life, when my clients have used it, that it truly can improve your life. So to know that again, I didn't write it because I'm a pro. I wrote it because I'm still using it and I know that it can help and I and I hope that finds the people who can it can help. But I don't think we ever like stop. We've ever mastered it. We never know it all, it never is not valuable anymore. I, like I said, I didn't write this book because I'm a master. I wrote this book because I wanted to help somebody the way it has helped me, and I want to share that.
Speaker 3:That's great.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we all need tools and we really appreciate your sharing in such a beautiful, practical way, very uplifting ways, so many ways that you've really given us a lot to even practice one or two to begin with, and then we just need the tools every day. Like you said, the voice is in your head, you know we, our self-talk is not loving most of the time, so we have to train ourselves to love ourselves. And you know, and also what we were talking about celebration, I think it's fun to celebrate, you know, with other people, like celebrate their accomplishments too.
Speaker 1:And yeah, like that, absolutely, absolutely. I mean I talked in there about finding, you know, like-minded people doesn't mean you have to get rid of your friends, but there may be an aspect of you that feels unfulfilled because something you enjoy the people around you, your friend, your current friends and family don't enjoy doing, and that's okay. You don't all have to have the same likes. But I'm telling you, there's a group out there, there is a event out there, of like minded people who do enjoy the same thing. Right, and you can find them and that brings value to yourself and joy. Right, and you get to meet new people. But you get to meet people who like the same things you do.
Speaker 1:Right, it's not about getting rid of and only filling yourself up with those people, because those things could change too. You can find a new hobby you enjoy. It is about enriching your lives on all aspects. About enriching your lives on all aspects finding a mentor, learning more about that subject or about that craft you want to, you know you want to do. It can be fun and just learning, even if you you know you want to play the guitar.
Speaker 1:Well, you may never be in a band if that's not what you want to do, but it could just be the joy of learning from somebody or getting to talk about it with somebody or anything like that, and I think that, um, I think it helps celebrate too when you're with like-minded people for that and they can appreciate what you've done right. I mean, your friends and family who love you can all say, yeah, great, we're proud of you. But really not to the level that somebody who's who's painting the same picture or playing the guitar can really like be like, yes, you did it Right. Like, hey, well, you too. It doesn't lessen anything else, it doesn't lessen the other people supporting you either, but I think we need to celebrate bigger sometimes, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I like that, I like that idea a lot.
Speaker 2:So do you have anything that you'd?
Speaker 3:like to add. No, I really thoroughly enjoyed it and I'm going to put it on my shelf and pull it out whenever I need a new tool to use. And I, you know, I think it's great that it, you know, and it, and for me, I like books that are this thick, not books that are that thick. So this was great and I, it was laid out really well in my opinion. You know it.
Speaker 1:Just, I thought you did an incredible job, so, yes, yeah, I appreciate that it was a lot of fun to write again scary, but it was a lot of fun to write. I mean, I really believe in what's in my book because I've used it, because it's my journey to it's my tools that I use and again, I'm not. These are not the only tools to be used. Take this and find your own tool. You know, I just want everyone to love their life as much as I have. And I think defining even the um, even defining the words dream life, uh, like laura, you said, um, when you, when you dream about your dream life, it's just not about the things that you want. How do you want to feel? How do you want to show up in the world? Uh, how do you want to contribute to this world? Um, how do you want your relationships to feel?
Speaker 1:We are not just our physical body, we are our mental, our spirit, our soul. We have to approach this on every level Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. It's all of it. We are all of it together. We are not separate beings, right? We're not a mental being, our physical being. We are all of it together. We are not separate beings, right? We're not our mental being, our physical being. We are all one being, and so we have to approach these things. Our dream life consists of all of those things being fulfilled and knowing yourselves on all levels.
Speaker 3:That's great Thank you.
Speaker 1:So tell us where we can find your, your book living your dream life the printed book you can find on amazoncom. Um, the ebook is on kindle. It is on barnes and nobles. Uh, it's on apple books. Um, there's a few. Wherever you can get an ebook, it's on Apple Books. There's a few. Wherever you can get an e-book, it's on there. It was quite a few websites. I didn't even know, but we put them on there so you can look for those Also. Look, for I am in the process right now of recording it so it will be on tape so you can find it on A, on audible not right at this moment, but very soon. Um, so I'm looking forward to that.
Speaker 2:Um, and I will put a description in the link below, with the links to where you can find them great and uh, thank you so much, and it's exciting that the three of us are going to be co-hosting the show now and we're also going to be uh, we're planning workshops together at kim's ranch, raven's rest ranch. We have one coming up may 17th as a day workshop, so we'll be giving more information about that and we're excited to just be doing new things together, like it's exciting.
Speaker 1:The workshop is going to be great. I love working with the two of you. I mean, it's going to be a lot of fun. So, please, I think every week we'll have more information about it, but it's super exciting. We're super excited to be able to work with you.
Speaker 3:Yes, great, okay, well, thank you for letting me join you. Ladies, I'm really excited about all of this new ventures together, and the ranch is excited as well. I can kind of feel everything coming to life, so it's great. So until next time.
Speaker 1:Yes. How is your intuition leading you to the next perfect step?