Episode 9: Mental Wellness in Schools: Supporting Students, Staff & Systems

Episode Summary:
In this insightful episode of Inspire Shasta, we dive into mental wellness in our schools. Hosts Jenn Cobb and Maggie Joyce sit down with two passionate advocates for student and staff well-being: Kelly Rizzi, Director of School and District Support at the Shasta County Office of Education (SCOE), and Pattie Bay, School Counselor at Sycamore Elementary.

Together, they explore the science behind mental health, trauma-informed practices, the Neurosequential Model of Education, restorative practices, and tangible ways to support both students and educators in navigating mental and emotional challenges.

You’ll hear inspiring stories, science-backed strategies, and practical tools that are transforming school culture across Shasta County—plus, thoughtful advice for parents, caregivers, and anyone who supports young people.

🧠 Topics Covered:

• The importance of grounding school wellness initiatives in brain science and empathy
• How SCOE supports districts through customized, responsive professional development
• The science of flipped lids, self-regulation, and classroom mini-lessons
• How schools like Cypress and Turtle Bay are implementing the Neurosequential Model of Education
• Common mental wellness challenges in students (e.g., anxiety, trauma, dysregulation)
• Tools and techniques for emotional regulation (5-4-3-2-1, safe place visualization, deep breathing)
• The power of restorative practices for both students and adults
• Advice for parents to support mental health at home, including car conversations and modeling vulnerability
• Misconceptions around youth behavior and mental health
• The value of relationships, safe adults, and helping kids build emotional vocabulary and agency

💡 Key Quotes:

"Behavior is communication. When we chase the 'why,' mindsets shift." – Kelly Rizzi
"You are not anxiety. You are a human being experiencing anxious feelings." – Pattie Bay
"Our kids need to know it's okay to have strong emotions—they're not broken because of them." – Jenn Cobb

🧰 Resources & Tools Mentioned:

• Neurosequential Model of Education (Dr. Bruce Perry)
• TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention)
• ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Training
• Restorative Chats & Accountability Projects
• Mini-lessons on brain science and regulation
• The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

🗣️ Final Thoughts:

Mental wellness is not a one-time lesson—it’s a daily practice embedded into school culture, family dynamics, and community support. From understanding how trauma affects brain development to empowering students with regulation tools, this episode highlights how we can all play a role in creating emotionally safe and supportive environments for youth.

🔗 Learn more: Visit ShastaCOE.org.

🎙️ Subscribe to Inspire Shasta to stay inspired by the stories shaping our community.

Transcript

 welcome back to Inspire Shasta. This week on the podcast, we're diving into an important topic of mental wellness in schools. Joining us for this conversation are two passionate advocates for student and staff wellbeing. Kelly Rizzi, director of School and District Support at the Shasta County Office of Education and Pattie Bay, school counselor at Sycamore Elementary.

Welcome. Thank you. Hello. I'm glad you guys are on the podcast today. Thank you for coming. Thanks for having us. Yes, you're welcome. I'm not sure if you've listened to past episodes, but on Inspire Shasta, we have one signature question that we ask every single one of our guests. And we'd like to tie that back to school.

So if you could go back to any grade in school for a day, which one would it be and why? Pattie, I would go back to seventh grade, and I actually have been thinking about this because I will be in a different role next year, and our marketing team asked us to come up with our favorite memory from school, and they're gonna do a promo video about it.

And in seventh grade, my teacher did a Titanic like reenactment. And so we had to pull just blindly from a stack of passports. And she did like the different tiers. So you could be in first class or in second class, or you could be crew. And then every week when we did the lesson about the Titanic, she set up.

Your area according to what class you were in. Wow. And I was the only person in first class, and so I got like fancy tablecloths and like nice snacks and sparkling apple juice and then whoa. The people in crew had to serve me. Wow. But it was super memorable and super engaging. And I just really loved that teacher too.

She was actually my first grade teacher as well. Yeah, that's what comes to mind. What an amazing interactive experience. I know that sounds crazy. That's awesome. I think I would go back to fourth grade. Carrie Lassen was my fourth grade teacher and she made learning so fun. She really embodied relational health with all of her students and she helped each of us to find our area of strength and then celebrated that just in a brilliant way.

And I remember laughing and learning a lot in that grade. That's really sweet. Yeah. They always say it's not like what you, people are always gonna remember how you made them feel. Yep. It's not necessarily what you say it's, but it's how you made them feel. And so laughing and learning that there's that feeling, and even your teacher, like you, you probably can remember what it felt like to be in that classroom, and what those activities made you feel. Absolutely. That's not fantastic. So our first question is gonna go to you, Kelly. As the director of school support for the Shasta County Office of Education, you work closely with districts to help them navigate many complex areas. And in the context of students and staff mental wellness, how does SCOE and specifically your department support schools in Shasta County in implementing mental wellness initiatives?

How long do we have, Jen? We. Are so vast and there are so many different types of supports that we offer. Without getting into specifics, just in general, we everything that we do is all based. In science, it's all based in evidence and in research. And anytime we're working with anyone, we always ground ourselves in the science of it.

But we're super responsive. We learned years ago when we were called in to provide professional development for a particular school district. The administrator came to us and said, so this is what our staff needs. And we said, okay. And we geared up and we got all our materials ready and we went out to the school to do this three part series and the staff just looked at us with glazed over eyes 'cause it wasn't what they needed.

At all. Yeah. So we learned that before we provide any level of support, we do empathy interviews, we do anonymous Google surveys to really find out from the staff what is it that they need to propel them forward in their profession. And then we work as a team, so we have many minds that go at it to really support them in an authentic way that is, again, research based, a one and done.

We don't do very often because we know that. It's just a one shot. And then, yeah, unless we do follow up and we continue to support them in that topic or strategy or whatever it might be. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love to know what are some resources and supports and programs that you all implement in your work?

Sure. So I'll list of, I'll list a number of them, but then maybe I'll just talk specifically about a couple that are super, yeah. They're important to me, but they're also really growing right now. Something we've been asked to do a lot is adult wellbeing. A lot of administrators see their teachers and the lack of energy, the lack of drive, and the behavior, the behaviors in the classroom are super challenging right now.

So we will create three and four part series for schools around adult wellbeing and we'll come and we'll do work and share the science around sleep and rest and all that. So that's one. We offer trauma informed practices, which again goes back to supporting behaviors. We do hope work, so we are Hope navigators.

So we go out and we do the Science of Hope. We have small Hope groups, which I know you guys have yeah. Have shared on a past episode. I'm an ACEs Master Trainer Adverse Childhood Experiences. So I can I provide training in ACEs to community members and to school staff and to parents actually. What's the science of ACEs?

How do we mitigate it? How do we heal it? How do we prevent it? We we also do, one of, one of our favorite things to do is a 30 minute mini lesson. And so our team, we have three people on our team. We'll go to a school campus and we divide up and we do a 30 minute mini lesson in each classroom where we and we teach the teacher and the students about the model of the flip lid.

And how you have an upstairs brain and a downstairs brain, and when you flip your lid, it means you're having strong emotions. And when you do, you lose access to your thinking brain. It's like you lost internet connectivity. A second grader told me that he raised his hand and said, so when I flip my lid, it's like I lost access to the internet.

Yeah. And I said, oh my goodness. Yes. That's what it's like. Sweet. I'm gonna use that. But effectively we teach 'em about their brain, then we teach 'em how to get their lid back on. 'cause we help them understand that when their lid is flipped. Learning is almost impossible. Yeah. And when their lid is flipped, remembering something they've learned prior to that moment is also really challenging.

So funny story, I was, at the dentist's office getting my teeth cleaned. And it was a new dental hygienist, and you know how they are, they ask you a question. And so she said what do you do for a living? And I started to, I told her a little about what I hard on her hands in my mouth.

It's always a fun conversation, right? I know. It's so funny. Perfect timing. But it, but she under, she heard enough of what I said to say, oh. I have to tell you this crazy story about my son. He is 10 and he came home and we were living with my in-laws 'cause my father had dementia. And I heard an interaction between he and my mother-in-law one day when he came home from school.

And it did not go well. And I was like, Ooh, uhoh. So when he came down the hall, I grabbed him and pulled him into the bedroom and I said, Hey buddy, I wanna help you understand what just happened between you and grandma. He's oh mom I know exactly what just happened between me and grandma. She's you do.

He's all, yeah. He said mom, here's what happens. See grandpa, he forgets and he puts the dishes away in the wrong places. And then when grandma comes in to make dinner, she can't find her things and she she flips her lid mom, and when she flips her lid, she goes down to the downstairs, like the basement part of her brain.

And so when she's in the basement, it's really hard for her to remember like where things are. And it's really hard for her to be her normal, loving self the way she normally is to me when I come home from school. He's also, I just try to help her get her live back on. So my dad, she says, so then I wanna know what do you do to help her get her lip back on?

He said sometimes I distract her and like just get her to think about something else. Sometimes I tell a joke so that I can get her to laugh, he said, but sometimes. Sometimes I just give her a big hug. Oh. And I'm in the dental chair, and I'm not even kidding. I'm crying because of the sweetness of the story.

Yeah. Because his teacher taught him about the mini lesson of the flip lid and he transferred it to this other context in his life. So here we have a 10-year-old who's not taking his grandmother's ill words personally, he knows, she just. Flipped her lid and he knows how to help her get our lid back on.

That's one of my favorites. But I would say the largest growing work that we're doing right now is through the Neurosequential Network with Dr. Bruce Perry. Neurosequential network. And so here at scoe we've trained four people in the neurosequential model of education. Actually Maggie Joyce is one of them.

Yes. So this is really exciting work because we were able to provide this support to schools at a tier one level so everyone gets it with the core concepts and then with the tier two level of more serious behaviors. Schools that are currently working with us through PBIS. Positive behavioral intervention support.

We have a tool that we work with them on to really isolate where the behavior is coming from and how we can intervene in a specific way based on brain disorganization. But the reason I'm most excited about that is because it is a school-wide initiative. We have schools right now who are becoming neurosequential schools.

Yeah. In fact, one of the reasons we invited Pattie was because the school she's moving to. Which school are you moving to? I'll be at Turtle Bay next year. Fantastic. I'm so excited. So Turtle Bay this year Cypress became a neurosequential school and next year Turtle Bay will be Maggie and I will be working with them to bring them on board.

And I can say that of. Of my 11 years in this role the work that we've done at Cypress this year is the most impactful that I've seen because the teachers have really embodied all of these practices. Their mindsets have shifted. They have embedded, they've embedded the core concepts into the DNA of what they do.

It's not just a 15 minute SEL lesson on Thursdays. It really is a part of how they think live and breathe throughout the day. And they learn through this. This content that they're very contagious. We have mirror neurons and if a teacher, if we help a teacher understand how to be calm and regulated, then by virtue of that, the teacher walks into a room and the students are far more likely to be calm and regulated.

So the teacher has the power to both implicitly help students be regulated, but also explicitly by inviting them into rhythmic regulatory types of regulation breaks or sensory type activities. And it's just. It is life giving and it is exciting and it is life changing. That's one that we're really excited about right now.

Yeah, and I think my biggest takeaway from it is it really does start with the adults. Yes. And a lot of the, a lot of different things don't always address the adult safety and wellbeing. And I think the neurosequential model, the foundation is starting with the adults first. We're working with the adults to have an understanding of how the brain works and how students react to trauma.

Yeah. And how. How trauma appears in all of our students. And it come, it starts from being in the womb, right? Absolutely. Oh gosh, yes. Okay. So this is one that we read, this one was a game changer for me. We just got trained in TBRI trust-based relational interventions. And one of the things we learned was that we all have sensory profiles, right?

Like every single one of us. What I didn't know is that it was formed in utero, so every person's sensory profile was formed in utero. When I'm in observing students in a classroom because they think these are really bad behaviors oftentimes I find that it's just a sensory seeking student who is just trying to orient themselves between like where they are in relation to their desk and the floor and the chair in the wall, and, when we help teachers understand what the why we chase the why of the behavior Mindsets shift, and then educators begin to interact with their students differently. They. If they're able to stop taking their behavior. So personally, it's, yeah, it's huge. Yeah. The relational safety of the adults and the students is really important.

Yes. And it's that shift that Dr. Bruce Perry says of not looking at it like, what's wrong with you. Yes. It's just being curious and wondering what happened to you. Yeah, absolutely. And being able to pinpoint exactly what part of the brain needs to be targeted, and that's why brain science is so helpful and effective.

'cause we target that part and then we know what to do to help the student. Exactly. That's incredible. Yes. When we know better, we do better. Yeah. Yeah it's, I'm thankful to be part of the work. It's really great to see the transformation and not only the adults that, that show up for the students.

But the whole school is taking it on. Yep. And that common language. Yeah, it's common language and it's shifting. The language is such a shift. We talk about behavior plan. Changing that to safety and regulation because it's important for the students' safety and regulation so they can learn, right?

Because if they are dysregulated, they're not able to learn. So it's such important work. Pattie, we talked earlier about how you're a school counselor in Shasta County at Sycamore. So you're as a school counselor, you're on the front lines, right? You're interacting with students and families every day.

So from your vantage point, what are the most common mental wellness challenges student navigating right now in the school environments in Shasta County? And what are some of the resilience and strengths you, you've observed in them as they face difficulties? Yeah Sycamore is a TK through fifth grade campus, so I'm working with littles.

But I do think the biggest thing that we're seeing is anxiety in kids. And I know that's, there's a lot of conversations happening with our kids and anxiety right now. I do wanna put a plug in for the book, the Anxious Generation, which if you or listeners haven't. Heard it. Absolutely read it or listen to it in some way because I think it's really powerful for how we are raising up the next generation.

And basically they're saying. We're overprotecting our kids in real life and we're under protecting them online. And so that's not creating great mental health practices for our kiddos. And so we do see a lot of anxiety. Then with our little littles, it's hard because their behavior is their communication, right?

And so we know in Shasta County, we have really high rates of trauma in the people that live in Shasta County and in our families. And so we see that trauma come out as behavior in little children. And so they can't exactly say what they're feeling, but. They can show us through their behavior. Just a lack of executive functioning skills and that just kinda a lack of emotional regulation.

So we teach a lot of coping skills and just emotional vocabulary, being able to name it so you can tame it, is what I tell kids. Just what emotion are you feeling right now? I'm frustrated. Okay, great. Like we can deal with that. We can breathe and move through it, but I really think just being able to teach kids how to understand what they're feeling so they know how to take care of it.

Yeah. What are some of the coping skills that are like your go-tos while you're working with anxiety through your students? Yeah. We love some deep breathing. We love it. We wanna just sit. We wanna breathe. And like I said earlier, just being able to name the emotion, being able to know my body feels really tense and hot.

I'm angry. So connecting those physical sensations with the emotion and so they can understand what they're feeling and then we breathe. We also do, I teach kids about a safe place visualization. So coming up with a safe place that they feel comfortable and loved and it could be a place that they make up in their mind or a place in real life.

And then we just go with the senses. We close our eyes. What do you see when you're there? What do you hear when you're there? What do you feel when you're there? And then teaching grounding techniques too. So like the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 is a really common one, and we go through the five senses. Tell me five things you can see right now.

What are four things you can hear right now And just going through as a way to pull them into the present moment and pull them out of that big emotion, whatever it is. Yeah. I've done 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 with my daughter has had anxiety on and off. Presented actually during Covid, but I do that with her even over the phone.

And it's amazing how quickly it works, right? Because you're able to reorient yourself in the room that you're in and a sour candy also. Helps have you, I dunno, that's if I should plug that in schools. But interestingly enough, a sour candy wall also help. I'll also do just colors.

Because sometimes in the moment when there's a lot of big emotion, it's you want the adults to stay regulated to, and if you're trying to think what like order was the five? Five of what? Four what? So we'll do colors too. I'll just say Hey, tell me everything you can see in the room that's red.

And then tell me everything in the room You can see that's orange. Or sometimes I'll be like, what's your favorite color? Tell me your fa, like all the things you can see that's your favorite color. And it does the same thing, helps ground the student. And I would say that what we see a lot of success with is when we explain to students the science of why we're asking them to take those breaths, that it actually sends a chemical message to your brain and your body, that you're safe, you can relax.

Yeah. Things like that are, and then they're willing to do it with us. They're willing to do those things to help. Calm and regulate. Yeah. And then they do it with their peers. It's amazing when you teach students or young children or anybody really a the why behind what you're asking them to do.

Yes. How much more willing they are to participate in what you ask them, but then also share it with others. I was with some fifth graders last week and we were, I was teaching them about how the fastest way to get your lid back on is to do anything in rhythm. 'cause it mimics the in utero heartbeat.

When you were in that space you were fed, you were warm, you were safe. So anything that mimics the heartbeat will help you get your lid back on it. Said, oh, so you mean when I tap my pen on my desk? Uhhuh, but do it in your hand so you don't bother everyone. You mean when I tap my heel on the uhhuh?

Yeah. Your brain and body is so brilliant. They're like, oh, so like when I do this? Yes, that is you regulating and helping you get your lid back on. So it's just so fun to give them that they feel so empowered by. Yeah. I was thinking about a crazy connection moment when I was a kid. I was watching Nickelodeon and they did like this breathing technique thing and they slightly explained why you do it.

And even like up until adult years, I used like the same count to 10 if you don't feel any different, start again. And it was like, wow, that thing just repeating. But then I think about the student talking about like the upstairs, downstairs brain and all of these things like teaching them now, it's gonna make better adults who are able to pass it on.

Yeah. And I just think that's so sweet. And our emotions and emotional regulation is such a huge part of life, right? Like it just makes sense that we would teach that to kids as we're teaching them to. Read and write and count and do all those things. Because that's the basis, it's the foundation.

You can't teach them to read and write. Exactly. They're uped and their Exactly. It's foundational. Yeah. And those are tools you give to kids that then stay with them forever? Yes. And if we can help. Little kids be emotionally healthy, they're gonna grow into emotionally healthy adults. Yeah. Okay. So this is funny.

Every summer I'm invited to go out to Simpson College to teach to our Upward Bound youth. Oh yeah. Our teenagers, and this is the type of work I do with them. And inevitably in every workshop when I do it for three days straight, there's always a young lady who says. So I'm just wondering, could you teach my mom these things?

Because we have adults that don't know how to calm themselves down, and these youth are figuring it out and sometimes they'll say to me, why didn't somebody in school teach us this sooner? Like, why didn't somebody teach me this in second grade? I've gone my whole life not understanding what to do with my anxiety.

So it really is imperative that we teach them the what and the why of what we're, yeah. Yeah. I wanna go back and touch on the kind of the work that you've all been doing with Cypress through NME and the wellbeing of school staff. So how do models like the ones you've shared with us today, help support the mental health of schools school staff, teachers people on campus?

If, to me, contrast is such an excellent teacher, and when I think about. The years when I was a teacher in the classroom and all these crazy behaviors presented themselves in front of me. I didn't have anyone to come alongside and be a collaborator with me and to make sense of the behaviors or to even.

I know what to do about the behaviors. I just was told call the principal and it made me feel helpless. It made me feel ineffective. And so you know what we're doing with the teachers at Cypress, Maggie and I are with them every month for two hours. We go in, in between. We're in their classrooms and what we do is we write down everything they're doing right.

We write down when one of the core concepts is called the six R, and we record all the things we see them doing. And then when we're with them, we just make a list of all the things that we witnessed. And guess what, if I'm a teacher that wasn't doing that rhythmic thing, but I hear about somebody else doing it, I'm gonna start doing that now.

They're having success with it. Yeah. But we're helping them understand the neurobiology of the behavior. We're helping them understand, we do what's called a functional map with our tier two behaviors, and I had a teacher who when she realized why the student was behaving the way that he was, because he had a lot of disorganization in the relational part of his brain.

It's called the limbic region. The next time I saw her, she said, I don't have any issue with him anymore. And I said, what do you mean? And she said now I understand why he's behaving that way, and now you've given me tools to help him calm down when he feels that way. So our relationship is great now.

Wow. So it's giving teachers agency, it's giving them voice. We're telling them what they're doing. We're affirming them. We're helping them make sense out of something that felt really nonsensical and. I think it's transforming the profession. Yeah. And I think that with that work, one of the things that I think that has helped so much with the implementation is not only having the entire school on board, which is, you need that to fully implement something. But we're walking alongside them in the process and as we're teaching them the science of enemy and the foundational concepts, we're also showing them ways that they can implement in their classroom and then asking them to showcase with one another what they're doing that's working for them.

And so it's one thing for someone to come in and say here's this great new intervention, or, whatever it is that. Is being highlighted because we get a lot of different things that are our new initiatives. In education, new program. Yeah. But it's another to really walk alongside a school, be thought partners for them.

Understanding that their job is hard. Yes. And that it, there is a lot of burnout in education right now, and students' behaviors are. Heightened. More heightened than they've ever been and presenting in different ways. Yes. I think than they ever have. Pattie can attest to that. Yes. Yeah.

And like, how can we be with you in that? And for me, that's where I think the transformation occurs, because school staff don't feel like they're in it by themselves. No. And then, and it's not top down and it's not one more thing to do. It's us helping them understand the dynamic of it so they can just like navigate through it with better skills and with a different mindset.

And highlighting what they're already, there's some amazing things happening in schools. Like we start with what we're doing, right? Yes. Yes. And celebrate that. Yeah. And use that as a springboard into evolving into a better version of how we can be. Yeah. Yeah. Pattie you do a lot of work, I'm sure, with your kiddos, but I would imagine you're also doing some work with your staff.

Yes. Yeah. And so can you highlight a little bit about what you do on your campus for mental wellness for the adults on your campus? Yeah, so I think, like we've been talking about, it's a culture shift that has to happen at a campus to really embrace this and to understand this is a really important part of education because people are part of education and our mental health and our mental wellness is.

Super important. And so I really try and like we were talking, really just walking alongside teachers and it's a collaborative relationship to help make sure that they have the tools that they need to handle behaviors that are happening in the classroom. And yes, there are things as a school counselor I can work on individually or in a group with a student who's struggling.

But we know behavior is a really big part of education. And so helping teachers really just collaborate on the student and understand their history and what tools are gonna help, I think helps everyone come together and work as a team and be supportive and and ultimately that's has good payoff for students.

And and. Sometimes even bringing the student into that conversation too, of Hey, you are struggling. Yeah. And this is what your behavior is telling me. It's telling me you're not okay. Can you tell us why you're not okay? And how can we help you? Because I think that connection and that care, when we show that to students, then it's just building that trust and that relationship.

Yeah. And so they're that much more likely to open up. Tell us what's going on. And sometimes it's my parents just got divorced and I'm freaking out because life is really hard right now. Or sometimes it's, I don't understand math at all. Yeah. And I had a little one tell me the other day that it's really hard for him to focus and pay attention, and he knows how to do the work, but he can't stay focused.

And so now he's feeling really frustrated with himself because his brain can't focus. And I'm like, buddy, I get it. That's how your brain works. I'm like, let's talk to your mom and we'll just let mom know that's how you're feeling because. Parents would wanna know that's how you're feeling.

So just that it's just conversation and connection to help students feel supported and then also make sure our teachers are feeling supported too, because it's really a team and a collaborative effort. Yeah. And Pattie talk about, because I was, I got to be with her staff for a couple of Wes Wednesdays, I think they were in a row.

You're so excellent with restorative practices, with restorative chats. Can you talk a little bit about that and how you're teaching everyone on campus while you're modeling that? Yeah. 'cause that's gonna have a community impact. Yeah. Yeah. So we definitely use a lot of restorative practices at our site.

And so if there's an issue between students, we have a restorative chat, we call it a peace walk. I have a. Banner on the ground in my classroom that leads kids through that process. And so the idea is like somehow there was harm that happened to your relationship. You got in a fight or somebody was gossiping about the other person for whatever reason, we're not getting along.

And so we. We will come together, we'll have that restorative chat and try and rep repair the relationship. And just like giving the kids the tools to have those conversations. The more I do that with them, the more likely they are to do that on their own. Yeah. But we'll also have restorative chats between students and adults on campus too, where it's like, Hey, ooh, we made a choice in the classroom the other day and we were not very kind to our teacher, so we're gonna have a chat.

With the teacher and the student and really just give the student a place to say, Hey, I did not feel heard, or I didn't understand what the lesson was about. And that's how I reacted. But it gives the teacher a place to say, your behavior wasn't okay, and I wanna help you, and here's what this is gonna look like moving forward.

But it's just that dedicated and safe space to be able to do that. And then we are also doing restorative practices as a form of quote unquote discipline. So if a student breaks a school rule, they might get to earn an accountability project where they take some time every day and they work on their project.

And the idea is that it's geared towards whatever their offense was. So if a student was bullying another student, they might do a project on kindness or respect. And so they're researching that. They're writing down what that looks like. If they're little, they're gonna draw pictures of what that looks like, or they might come up with examples of what kindness or respect sounds like.

And so the idea is that we're teaching the behavior that we want. And not just punitively punishing behavior. We do the replacement. Yeah, the replacement behavior. Yeah. Yeah. And the impact of that as opposed to, you're gonna be suspended for a day. Or the teacher's now frustrated with the student who they keep having a behavior in their classroom, or vice versa.

The student's frustrated with the teacher I'm sure is significant. That impact, like it's probably felt schoolwide. And parents are probably even noticing, and these relationships go on for at least a year. Sometimes the teacher will loop with their kids too, and so we can't just say, oh here's.

Here's this punishment, or here's this punishment. We have to repair the relationship because it has to keep going and everyone has to be able to communicate how they're feeling and why they're feeling so that they can move forward in a positive way. Yeah. Yeah. I love that you guys are intentionally creating a space for relationship and repair, which I'm sure makes everybody feel valued on your campus and responsibility.

Yeah. These students are now active participants. They don't get to just. Get suspended and go home and play video games. They're actually like processing through and learning replacement behaviors. It's, yeah, that's huge. And what, another thing that we do as part of that process is if it feels appropriate, sometimes it's not always appropriate, depending on the age of the student or whatever, but our older students, they'll actually go in and they'll teach a little mini lesson to a younger class.

So like I had a student peer to peer. Yeah. I love that. Oh, I love that. Like a student who had been bullying another student, they actually went in and they taught a little mini lesson on kindness. And they talked about what they had read and what they had learned. And it's all done as a, in a very positive way.

We don't tell the class, oh, this student got in trouble, and so they're coming to talk to you about kindness. It's no, I have this leader on our campus and they are really great at kindness. Yeah. Yep. And so it's building up the confidence and the self-esteem of that student who made that poor choice.

And then also. Our younger students get to benefit from it too. That's amazing. Wow. What a space. I bet you those older students, even though they did something, they had a moment where they did something that they probably wish they didn't do right. The growth that happens from that moment to when they're giving that lesson in that classroom.

I'm sure this you probably witness. Oh, absolutely. There's so much growth and I just think it's such a. Wellness oriented way to handle misbehavior. Because how many times have we as adults wanted to go back and be like, can I have a do-over on that one? Please. I would not have done that the same if I could go back.

Yeah. But like our kids need to have that chance too. And I, I believe the true definition of insanity is to do what we've always done and expect different results. We can't punish behavior out of a child. Yeah. The restorative practices model is the only thing I've ever seen. Work. Yeah. And by the way, that's one of the things Shasta County also offers to all schools is free restorative practices, training and coaching and modeling on the ground floor.

Yeah. And I don't have any young person in my home anymore. They're all my baby is 19. I love that I'm calling them my baby on the air. But a lot of the things that our children are being modeled, not necessarily inside the home, but you mentioned social media and the internet, the models on those platforms are not.

What you're talking about today, right? They are not kind. There's not a lot of kindness. There's a lot of arguing. Arguing. There's a lot of, talking down to even like kids shows where they're talking down to these adults that are the parents on the shows. And makes me crazy. Yeah. If our kiddos are consuming that at home and maybe even the parents aren't even aware of what that show really is, 'cause they're not washing watching episode after episode.

'cause a lot of our kids consume stuff on their iPads. Yes. Headphones in. It's important to have the models that you're doing, like restorative practices on your campuses. 'cause it might be the only place that our kiddos are learning. These really important life skills. And I think that's just a shout out to any adult that's listening is to be aware, if you are a parent or you are raising a child to be aware of the media that they're consuming because it is sneaky and those messages can get in really quickly.

Yeah. And i'm a parent. I have a 9-year-old and we're, we just have conversations with her and have had for several years about the quality of content that we consume because that affects our mental health. Like all of that data is coming out right now, like it is tied to kids' mental health. And so there is quality content available and then there is not quality content.

And so when I talk with parents, it's more about the. Not so much. 'cause everyone's like, how much screen time do I give my kids? And it's I care less about the amount of hours and more about the quality of the content. That's a good point. Yeah. So what is one way, one, what are some other ways that parents and caregivers can effectively communicate like mental wellness when they're talking with their kiddos at home outside of what you do at school, do you have any recommendations for that?

Yeah, I would say like just keeping that line of communication open with your kiddos and then also being real about your own mental health. And I think like sometimes people think, we only think of mental health if there's something wrong, but we have mental health all day, just like we have physical health.

And so having those conversations with kids and talking about like when you are struggling in an appropriate way, not like. Detailing all of the things you might've gone through in the day. But I know like I'll be making dinner and my daughter's asking me a million questions and I'm tired, and I'll be like, okay, I'm taking a deep breath.

Mommy's frustrated right now being, I don't have a lot of patience, but I'm gonna take a deep breath and then I'm gonna be ready to listen to your questions. Modeling, the behavior, modeling that, having, and it doesn't have to be like a 30 minute in-depth conversation, it's just short little things throughout the day.

Yep. That kind of destigmatizes it for kids and makes it a normal part of your family's vocabulary and a normal thing that you talk about. Like we sit down at the dinner table and we talk about our rosebud thorn from the day the rose is what was good. The bud is what something you're looking forward to in the future.

And the thorn was something that was not great. And so just keeping that communication open so that. When my daughter, if someday in the future she does have a significant mental health challenge or something is going on, she's used to coming to me and talking about it because we've built that kind of capacity in the little everyday things.

Yeah. And I would say too, I also have a 9-year-old at home young man. But like last night he was crying because he said something really hurtful to a friend and. He said, I think you're mad at me. You're mad at me, mom, you're mad at me. And I said, buddy, I'm not mad at you. My heart just hurts. But listen, what you did when you were having really strong emotions, and it's okay to have really strong emotions. This is a, this is an intense learning experience for you right now, but I'm, I love you and I'm gonna help you learn through it. I said, buddy, the way your brain grows best is when you make mistakes.

It's the growth mindset. So for advice for parents to really. Really celebrate mistakes if they can. I remember when Xavier was younger and we were making chocolate. We were no, we, no, we were good to do bread. We were making bread and the eggs had to sit at room temperature for a certain amount of time, and it was time to put the two eggs into the bread maker.

And he picked it up and he was careless with the egg and he, half the egg went on the machine and half went into the, and I said, bummer. And it was one of those moments where I had to take a deep breath because we had to go run an errand. And I just took a deep breath and I said, you know what buddy? I go.

This is exciting. Your brain just grew a little. You just learned how to carefully handle that egg and then next time use both hands when you're cracking it to put it in. And I said, so in a few hours when we come back from shopping, we're gonna try again. Yeah. And I guarantee you're gonna do it differently.

So if we can, advice for parents, for myself including is to really try to hone in on those mistakes as opportunities for growth when the stakes are low. Yeah. For these kids. Yeah. And to make sure they know it's okay to have strong emotions. Yeah. What's not okay is for you to act out in the way that you did.

This is our opportunity to learn and figure out how to do it differently next time. Yeah. Yeah.

This whole podcast just feels incredibly healing. I think so many people are just so afraid to talk about the emotions, know?

I, and I think that, whether that's in school or at home, I think that's what's stopping a lot of those conversations. And maybe it's because the adult doesn't even know what's happening in their body when they feel that emotion. And so I, I think also, encouraging our kiddos to go home and teach their families what they're learning, right is I do that all the time.

Yeah. Me too. Yeah. This feels like a far cry from like nineties childhood, where it's suck it up, do better. Get over it. Stop crying, and it's like I had to write like, I will not hit Johnny again and nobody, yeah, you're right. Yeah. And in two weeks, I never hid Johnny, but she hit Johnny again.

And that's what we're learning to shift our language and really give precise language. So I, if I walk up to a student who's kicking his neighbor's desk and I say, Hey, stop kicking his desk. I need you to stop kicking his desk. And I walk away, primary recency within two minutes, guess what do you He's kicking the desk again.

Harder this time. But if I walk by and I say, you know what? I would love, you know what I would love to see, I would love to see your feet flat on the ground. Yeah. What would that look like? Can you show me without. Look at those feet, they're amazing. Flat on the ground. Thank you bud. And I walk away like a completely different experience.

Yeah. That was the other thing I was gonna say about for parents, and I've learned this the hard way. But if you want your children to keep sharing with you and being open and honest with you and this is a tough one. Get ready for it. Sometimes the way we respond is very shaming to our children.

And when a child feels shamed by an adult, they shut down. They close off they swear in their head that they're never gonna tell their parent a thing again. And they might not for quite some time, and they might become involved in some really risky behavior. As much as we can as parents, avoid that shaming behavior, but really try to look at it as an opportunity to grow their brain while they're still in our home and.

It can be a good opportunity, the better we're all off. Yeah, totally. Another tool I was gonna say for parents I've done it with teachers too, is sometimes it's hard for adults to talk about emotions because that hasn't been modeled for them. And it's hard for kids too, because our emotions are vulnerable.

Yeah. And we don't like feeling vulnerable as humans. But a tool I've taught people is to have a journal that goes back and forth between, oh, that's a good one, A parent and a kiddo. And you can have a special place in the house where you leave it. And so you know, if it's there that they've written in it and you can grab it.

Or I've had them put it under each other's pillows or whatever and it's I just had a bad day. I felt angry or. I think you're mad at me. And then that's a way for them to communicate and keep that line of communication open, even if it's hard to actually say the words out loud. We have, I have another piece of advice.

This is, and this is one of the core concepts from that, when you guys were saying enemy earlier, people in my department, they're like, Kelly, it sounds like you're saying enemy. Yeah. Is somebody your enemy? Yeah. That's what they, off the whole office thinks that Kelly Neuros sequential model of education.

One of the core concepts is called parallel placement. Yeah. So as a parent, oh my goodness, we never allow screen time in the car because in a vehicle you're traveling at the same pace, at the same time. You're moving in a parallel way. Add to that the were of the motor running mimics that in utero heartbeat.

Your children will tell you more things in the car Yep. Than they ever will sitting across from you at the dinner table. And if you're struggling in a way of trying to get them to talk with you, go for a walk. Because when you're walking next to someone, that's it's very calming neurologically like.

The chemicals in your brain are very different when you're walking parallel to someone and walking is very rhythmic and regulatory. And it's that same thing, those neural patterns. So just go for a walk with your child and let them bring things up and let them, they'll share way more than you would anticipate when you are intentionally trying to go parallel with them.

Yeah. Some of my best conversations were with my kiddos in the car. My kids, we played a lot of sports and so we were always in the car. Yeah. And I remember when my daughter got her license and I was so sad because it was like you didn't get that time in the car with her anymore. And then she was then taking my youngest son to school, and so I didn't get the time with either one of them.

But you learn a lot. You learn a lot about their day, their friends. Yeah. Yes you do. Yeah it's. Yeah, it's great to be present when you're in the car with them. And I think that is a moment maybe where you can be an intentional as an adult of my making the car time a little bit more.

Not like where everyone's checked out and like on their phones or looking out the window, not the driver on the phone, but it's not right. Because if you have teenagers they're usually if you're on driving, they're on their phone. And taking that time and being intentional about it, I think is great.

Yeah. Yeah. I was just recently at a training and they, the definition they use for vulnerability is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. And I thought, yeah, like when you're vulnerable, those are the feelings that you feel. And so remembering that as an adult, I think we forget so much as an adult.

Like we just expect our kids to like behave. And be the age that they present as and yes. I heard. I attended a conference a few summers ago, and something that the speaker said stuck with me sometimes when someone gives you a visualization. She said, when your child is raging and they're throwing a fit, they're in they're in the downstairs part of their brain.

They're in the basement, they're in the basement. She said the need that they have is for safety. It's as though they fell into the deep end of the swimming pool and they have forgotten how to swim. The last thing they need from us as the adult to push them further down into the deep end of the pool with our shaming Yep.

Comments and threats of consequence in that moment, what they need is. Safety. They need us to pull them to safety. A life preserver. Oh my God. That for me was a game changer. Just that image. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so connecting that back to school, like when a student is presenting with behaviors, we can't rational rationalize with the kiddo when Nope.

When they're in the basement. Nope. And so remembering that as an educator, yeah. Not only can parents use that information, but educators as well. Oh yeah. I always tell kids we have to be calm before we even start to talk. Yeah. Like I was walking a little one to my classroom the other day and she was trying to tell me what was going on.

I was like no. We are not calm yet. We are not gonna talk. We are gonna get calm first and then we can talk it out. We want the, we want access to the cortex, we want access to the upstairs frame. I was a school counselor in a local Al Ed and that would be like, I would, I we're just gonna sit here.

We're gonna sit here and we're gonna relax, we're gonna calm down, and maybe that takes a half an hour. I don't know how long it takes, but it doesn't matter because we're not gonna get anywhere if I ask you what happened right now or how you're feeling, speaking of Ed Maggie something that we have done here at SCOE, both in the fall and in the spring, is we offer an AltEd series for Oh yeah.

All of our AltEd staff, like teachers. Paraprofessionals and we teach them all of this science so that they have tools and we pay them stipends for attending because they have very difficult jobs and they work with really hard kids. Yeah. And we honor them. We give them gifts, we wanna take care of them and thank them for the hard work because they really need this science and this level of support.

Yeah. That's fantastic. All tiered support through, through all the work that you're doing as well. Yeah. Yeah. So one thing I wanted to touch on is what would you both say are common misconceptions that you found around youth mental health and kind of what is that impact on families, community, all of that sort of stuff.

Students, staff? Yeah. You wanna go first? Do you want me to No, go ahead. Go ahead. Okay. I think what comes to mind is just minimizing little kids' emotions. And just saying they're dramatic or whatever their emotions are, their behavior and their communication. And that's telling us as the adults in their life something about how they're feeling.

And so we have to approach that with curiosity and not just saying, oh, they're gonna get over it, or, oh, they're gonna grow out of it. If they're showing us that at a young age, we have to take it seriously and know that it's something that we need to help them and offer support in that area, not just write it off is not a big deal.

Yeah. Approaching it with curiosity. I think a misconception, and this, here's another core concept from the neuros sequential model of education. It's called the invisible intimacy Barrier. And the misconception is this, particularly when you're working with youth, like Pattie mentioned, we have really high ACEs scores in Shasta County adverse childhood experiences.

This can be true for a foster parent, for a teacher. You will be working with a student who has had lots of abuse or neglect and. The thing they crave the most is connection with you, but the thing they're terrified the most of is connection with you. Because if they feel safe, it's like there's this invisible line and they will cross over it.

That's why it's called the invisible intimacy barrier. They will cross over that invisible line and they'll do something with you that's relational. And it feels good to them, and they get this massive hit of oxytocin and it's this awesome feeling. And then they step back over the invisible intimacy barrier.

And now they're terrified because they think, oh my God, what if she abandons me? What if she rejects me? Yeah. And oftentimes what we'll see, and this is where the misconception comes in, they'll do something really awful. They'll like. Break something of yours, or they'll do a really awful big behavior to push you away because it's less painful if they push you away than if you reject them on your own.

So kids like that are particularly hard, but that mis misconception, I try to help educators know I had it when I was school site principal at Roth. I put a foster youth into. Like one of my best teacher's classrooms. And three weeks in, she said I just don't think I'm the right adult for him.

'cause look at all these things he's doing and I said, actually, you are the exact right adult for him. Please know that this isn't about you. This is because he's terrified of being connected with you because he loves you. I try to remind adults of that. Yeah, because. You once you feel like you're making a headway as an adult and you feel like you're creating a relationship with the kiddo.

And then they do the things when they cross back over the intimacy barrier and they do a little pushback. Yeah. It makes you feel like, I thought I was getting so far. So you become hopeless and you wanna give up on the child. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. The other one I would say too, Jen, is that somehow I think adults, particularly with teenagers, assume that they really are at choice about acting the way that they did.

And going back to what Pattie said earlier, it's not what's wrong with you, it's what happened to you. And when you have a patterned response within your stress response system, when you have an experience, it's not as though you have a choice in the matter. Your body just goes right into autopilot. Yeah.

I work with our youth at our juvenile rehabilitation center and. You should see when the times when I come in and do the mini lesson on the flip lid with them, they ask for paper and pencil because they feel so out of control in their lives, and I'm there to tell them how they can keep their lid on so that they don't do the thing that they did to get.

Put into that position in the first place. Muscle memory. Then you go back to what you know, or what you've seen, what you've had modeled. Yep. Yeah. Or what's threaded through your DNA by virtue of your ancestors. Yeah. Yeah. So we have the advice for the mis or misconceptions. What advice would you give a young person who could use support with their mental health and.

Could, PTEN could maybe be hesitant to talk to anybody about it or even engage in what they already know. As far as techniques or a per safe person? Yeah. I would say to kids in that area you're not alone. Even if you feel alone. And that help is there where you might not expect it because I think kids are afraid to say when they're struggling.

I know like. When I've talked with kids, when they've got big stuff going on, it's like that fear of if I say it outta my mouth, then it's real. Yeah. But it's real. It's happening. And so when I've told kids, there's nothing you can tell me that will make me feel afraid or that I'm not gonna love you, there's nothing you could say, just say it.

And then as soon as they say, it's okay, that's so human. We got this. Yeah. Yeah. And so I think I would tell kids, you're not alone. And then there's always somebody. Especially at school I know sometimes home just is not going to be loving and supportive for some kids. That is a reality for some of our kids.

Yeah. But at school, there is always someone that they can find a connection with, whether it's their teacher or their instructional assistant, or a school counselor or principal, or a nurse, or a cafeteria lady, like there are so many people on a school site that love kids. Yeah. And so I tell kids like, you're not alone.

We love you and we care about you, and we want to give you the help that you need. Yeah. Yeah. Normalize it. Yeah. Yeah. We just normalize it. And that's something I think like our broader community could also do in fostering support. Oh my goodness. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Because 'cause that is the challenge is normalizing it and understanding that everybody mental wellness is a part of your day.

It doesn't have to be this. We think about mental wellness and we talk about the big things, like depression and anxiety, but your mental wellness is how you move around in the world, right? Yes. And you might have suffer from anxiety and you might suffer from depression, but that you, you are not depression and you are not anxiety.

Exactly. Yeah. And I tell students like you are, like, if they're afraid of going to a counselor for the first time, I'm like, Hey, it's if you broke your arm. We wouldn't just let you sit in class and do nothing about it. Yes. It would take you to the emergency room. 'cause that's a big deal. Yeah. So this like going to a counselor is just like going to a doctor if you broke your arm.

Or even if you just didn't feel good. If I just don't feel great for long enough, I'm gonna ask my adult to take me to the doctor. But if you're not feeling well in your emotions, there's people that can help with that. Yeah. And if you don't have access to counseling and maybe that's a challenge, it's that safe adult, right?

That you can find on any school campus. Yeah. What a sweet way to put it. Is there any advice that either of you have for young people in support of their mental wellness and for young people who are facing mental health challenges? Yes. I would tell somebody in that space that.

They need to keep asking for help until they get the help that they need. Because sometimes we might try and help a student and it's not actually the help that they needed. And so I tell the kids. Ask for help until you get the help that you need. Yeah. Until things are better. Yeah. And then I would also tell kids that there is hope and today does not have to be like the end of your story or the rest of life does not have to be like this.

You do have the ability to get better and to feel better. And that comes through asking for help. And sometimes that's when with older students asking for help from their friends Hey, I'm not feeling great. Or I notice when I'm on Instagram all the time, I feel really anxious and depressed.

What do you guys do? Do you feel that way when you use social media? And so older kids can have some agency with their friends in that. But I would just tell kids like, there really is hope and help out there. And so to keep asking for help until you get what you need. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes you have to go to more than one person for help, right?

And I think that's hard for our youth to understand. It's I already tried talking to somebody, or I already went to counseling, or I talked to, the person at my church, or whoever that person is. And maybe that person wasn't the right person for what you need help with.

And I, it's really hard to share your story over and over again. That can cause also trauma. Retraumatization, right? Yeah. But it is important to know that there isn't just the first person you go to might not be the person that's. The last person you need to go to. Yeah. And it doesn't define you that emotion that you're having and it's not permanent.

Yeah. A lot of times it feels so desperate because it feels like it's permanent. Yeah. And I try to help them understand this is one window in time, and if we were to fast forward or go back and to read zoom out. Zoom out and look down at yourself in that position. And I try to help kids access.

I loved being vice principal at Parsons because when kids got in trouble, I got to remind them of their truth. I got to remind them of who they really are, even though this thing they did was really horrible. And so I tried to get them to zoom out and look at this as one chapter, one event, and remind them of who they are and who they, who, the truth of they are.

Who the truth of. That person is in their heart and in their beingness. Yeah. That can really help with the shame you feel when you have done something. Yes. So true. And I think what you were saying of not letting your emotions or your mental health become your identity, right? 'cause like you might have feelings of anxiety, but you are not anxiety.

And something we are seeing a lot right now is kids are identifying Yep. As their. Mental as a mental illness, even if they don't actually have that. Yeah. I have a lot of students who are like, oh, I just have anxiety, so I can't do that. That's come very buzzwordy, huh? And it's like actually you don't have anxiety.

You have feelings of anxiety. Yeah. You're feeling anxious and that is making you nervous. Yeah. But we don't use that as an excuse to not participate in daily activities. Don't wanna put those gym clothes on. Yeah.

At SCOE we have a core value about being hopeful and helpful. And so the last question is a two part question. You can choose to answer A or B or both if you want. We don't make the rules. But what is your hope for the next generation or, and or who is someone who has been helpful to you in your journey to get where you are now?

Yeah. Pattie looks ready. So we're Pattie. Okay, I'll go first. My hope for the next generation is that they would just. Understand that emotions are a strength. And not something to fight against or to be afraid of, but to just be able to embrace their emotions. Because like I tell my students this, we're not robots.

We're human beings. We have emotions for a reason, and so we can fight against that, or we can just embrace our emotions and understand that's just part of being human and it can be a really beautiful thing. So I would hope that kids are able to embrace their emotions and just be fully.

Human, which is perfectly imperfect. And I love that for kids. So yeah. Gosh, that's my hope for kiddos. My hope for the future youth is that they have agency and that they have voice and that they know they're deserving of good lives and of love, and of belonging, and that they. Truly experience a sense of belonging and that they do speak up when they don't feel that they're experiencing it.

Yeah. And I think that someone who has impacted me greatly is Judy Flores, who was our prior superintendent. Oh. She was such a model for me of doing hard things. She, yeah. Did a lot of hard things and was such a model for me. And when hard things happened with me, I could call her on a Sunday and she was there and would, encourage me and highlight my strengths and encourage me to continue doing what I'm doing. So I think that anytime you see somebody model that for you, you want to be that for someone else. So I always try to, anyone that I work with, any youth, I try to be that for others. Yeah.

Yeah. I love that. That's incredible. I think I would say the person that comes to mind is my grandmother. She suffered from bipolar disorder and so she had a lifelong struggle with her mental health, but she was so resilient in that and so like I saw that resiliency modeled and. I think like just what that meant for my family too was obviously not always positive things like there's a lot of hard that comes with living with someone with a significant mental health disorder, but I did see a lot of strength and resiliency from her and I love that.

That's amazing. She was probably the first model of we are not our Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. There is a person. There not just a mental health diagnosis. Yeah. Yep. I just wanna thank you guys for being on here today. I feel like this episode was really cup filling for me personally.

And I hope that was the case for the listeners as well. Same. So we appreciate you guys taking your time out of your busy day and coming off of your school campuses and your work sites to be able to be here with us on Inspire Shasta. And. Just give some information out to the community about the great things that are being done on mental wellness in the schools in Shasta County, but also how you can apply that to your daily life.

Because as we said earlier, we're humans, we're not robots. And so we wanna move through the world with emotional intelligence. And yeah. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. It was an honor to be here with you and such a life-giving conversation. Thank you. Yes. Always. So fun. Thank you.