Thrive & Decide Guide to Divorce and Beyond

Rediscovering Identity and Love After Divorce

• Sarah Thress • Season 1 • Episode 14

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Have you ever found yourself at a crossroads, unsure of which path to take? Join us on "Thrive and Decide" as we sit down with Linz, an extraordinary woman who faced such a moment in her life and emerged stronger than ever. Her story of navigating the treacherous waters of divorce, especially with young children involved, and the self-discovery that followed is a powerful testament to resilience and personal growth. Linz candidly shares her journey from leaving her marriage for another relationship to the self-reflection that transformed her into the person she is today. Her experiences underscore the universal theme of transformation in the face of adversity.

Breaking free from the grip of a toxic relationship is never easy, but it's a journey that brings immense growth. Hear firsthand how the cycle of manipulation and gaslighting left its mark, but ultimately led to newfound strength and independence. With the support of friends and family, the courage to reclaim one's identity shines through. The episode sheds light on rediscovering love and self-care post-divorce, revealing the importance of maintaining one's individuality amid the roles of marriage and parenthood. Influential authors and healing practices played a significant role in this process, offering guidance and inspiration to those seeking their own path.

A supportive tribe can be a beacon of hope and empowerment. As we discuss the healing power of holistic practices like Reiki, alongside the transformative effect of connecting with like-minded individuals, the profound impact of community becomes evident. Whether it's through live events or virtual gatherings, the synergy of collective energy fosters personal growth and healing. Listen in as we celebrate the importance of finding your tribe and nurturing connections that elevate your spirit. Our stories aim to inspire, encouraging you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery and growth, surrounded by a network that uplifts and supports you.

Hi and welcome to Thrive and Decide. I’m your host Sarah Thress. This podcast is intended to help women who are going through a divorce, continplating divorce or have lost a spouse feel seen, heard, understood and not alone. All the beautiful souls who share on here are coming from a place of vulnerability and a common belief that sharing your story will help others. You will also hear from industry experts on what to do and not do while going through a divorce.


Sarah Thress
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Speaker 1:

Hi and welcome to this week's episode of Thrive and Decide. This week, we have a beautiful soul named Linz who is coming to share her story. I just think that it's really inspirational and really powerful. You know just to hear what other women have gone through and you know maybe the feelings that they felt, because while everyone's story is unique, everyone can learn something from everyone else's story. So, lindsay Linz, however, you want to go by because I've called you both, but thank you so much for taking time out and just being so vulnerable to share your story with us.

Speaker 2:

so much for taking time out and just being so vulnerable to share your story with us. Absolutely, Thanks for having me. And yeah, you call me Linz or Lindsay. You know most of my friends call me Linz. So okay, yeah, and so it's good to be here.

Speaker 1:

I know Well, thank you for taking time out and you know, and being here, I know that sometimes going back I know you and I are kind of, you know, pretty far removed from our divorces but sometimes going back there can be difficult and bring up some feelings. So I appreciate you being open and vulnerable with us.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, it's good. It's good to measure backwards. It's good to measure backwards, you know, when you reflect on the things that you've survived and thrived through. It just gives you a whole lot of momentum, new momentum and new energy to keep going forward and all of the other things that might be scary at the time. Yeah, obviously, divorce is not super fun. It's scary, no matter how it happens for you and what the circumstances are, and it's something that you really kind of always deal with, like um, especially if you have kids. Um, I have, I have two kids, 13 and 11. And my mom just asked me yesterday how long have you guys been divorced? Uh, like eight years years separated, eight years. It'll be, I think, 8 February and, yeah, the wounds sometimes are still fresh. It doesn't always go smoothly as time goes on when you have kids involved, but looking back and learning from the experience and reflecting on who you were then, who you are now and who you're still trying to be is really an important step, I think.

Speaker 1:

Yeah it is. I think it's amazing. I mean, I shared my story in the first episode just so that people kind of understood where I was coming from, and obviously, throughout the course of all the episodes I'm sure there'll be more that I'll share, but that's like the one thing that was interesting to me. When I was done recording, it was just kind of thinking back on who I was during that marriage, who I was when it ended and who I am today. It's like three completely different women, but it's all me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. And then we can have a sense of gratitude for all the things that we've gone through and the women we've become in the process. We're not going to be the same five minutes from now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So when you got married, did you go into it thinking like, wow, this is going to be my starter marriage. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2:

I think I'll give it 10, 15 years and then we'll see how it goes. No, no, no, no, I was. I was well, first of all. I was child of divorce, okay, and um, my parents got divorced when I was 11 and I said I would never do that, I would never have that story, I would never do that to my kids, I would never leave my family. You know, we, we don't go into marriage thinking that we're going to fail. We don't think we're going to learn anything, we think we're just going to have that storybook, you know, with the checklist the husband, the house, the picket fence, two kids, the dog, the career and everything's going to be fine. And then you get there and you're like, okay, shit, now what Cause? I'm still not fulfilled. I'm still not fulfilled, I'm still looking. I was looking outside of myself, you know, but I got married when I was 21 not something I would advise and before before I was there for a second oh, we, we did first.

Speaker 1:

Okay, there you go. So you got married at 21 and not something you would advise.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, got married at 21. It's not something I would advise, um the check my internet. Take my wifi off on my phone, just so it doesn't mess us up. Um and I went from before that I was in relationship and I jumped from relationship to relationship and I remember my aunt saying is this you, you know, because I would kind of morph into whoever I was dating and I so irritated by that question, but really that's, that's what I was doing, that's what I was doing. So not something that really was set up for success, not knowing who I was before I got married, getting married so young. But I don't regret any of it Looking back.

Speaker 2:

Obviously I have two beautiful kids that are my whole life and I wouldn't change any of it. It was hard when we decided, when I decided, to leave the marriage I left for another man, which is just so gross and heavy to even think about now. That's part of the pain that comes with looking back, but it's also a moment of pride, cause I know I wouldn't be the same person making the same decisions and the way I was then. Um, so, yeah, I left my husband and obviously my kids were very young um three and five. Obviously, my kids were very young, um, three and five I think they were. So it's just there's so much shame that was around that story and for the longest time I couldn't even look at pictures of my kids at that age because of all the pain that came through, um, just who I was and the choices I was making, and just very heavy and gross energy. Um, but I had to go through that to get to where I am now. So I am grateful because I'm I'm much, much better mom, a much better person than I was.

Speaker 2:

Um, so, yeah, I left my husband for this guy who I think I was dating three years. You know, when you do something like that, you sacrifice everything for someone, you really try to make it work. Yeah, and I tried so hard with that relationship and it turns out he was a full blown narcissist, um, narcissist. I refer to that time as when I burned down the house because I just like I lost myself, completely lost myself, you know, through everything that mattered to me out the window, basically. But at some point you have to stop and look in the mirror and say but at some point you have to stop and look in the mirror and say, how the hell did I end up here? You know, um, obviously this is a me thing too, because I chose to be in a relationship with this man, I attracted this man, um, so that was probably the first, you know, start of my personal development journey and my journey into figuring out, okay, what's going on with me?

Speaker 2:

Um, and I remember always feeling like I just want to go home. I just want to go home. That was like the recurring feeling for years. And thankfully, um, so we were only separated for about I don't know seven, eight months, and then we got divorced. I think I left in May-ish, divorced by December. Oh, wow, yeah, super fast, and I bought my house. I think it was the same day or shortly after my divorce. So, thankfully, I bought my house on my own, because that was a starting point of hey, I don't need anybody, I have something that is just for me and my kids, um, because it could have gone a totally different way. I could have moved in with him and then had this whole nother batch of separation if I were to leave him, and so that was the starting point. I was really grateful that I?

Speaker 2:

Um chose to buy my own house by myself, but that was a scary process, as you obviously are very familiar with um being single and not knowing how much I can afford and how to do it all on my own.

Speaker 2:

Like my ex-husband and I, we built our house together. The land was gifted to us by his parents and we kind of did everything as we could, but the loan was in his name before we got married, and so it was a whole new batch of how do I do this and can I do this? But doing that gave me such a boost of security and stability, um, and just empowerment in myself and knowing that I can do it on my own. And then it's maybe one of the first steps in becoming unattached, right, like we talked a little bit before we hit record about not being codependent, and that was one of the things that you know helped me start to unravel that Like I'm not going to depend on anybody else but myself to to go forward yeah well, and I think, like there's so much that you've shared, that's super powerful.

Speaker 1:

Um, first of all, I I know you are not the only person on this planet that has left a spouse for someone else, whether it be the man leaving for a you know another woman, or a woman leaving for another man, or a woman leaving for another woman any of the above. You're not the first one, and I could see where it would be shameful, but I'm really glad that you've worked through that and you've gotten to the point that you know that, yeah, that happened, and you know what. Like, you made a decision with all the facts that you had at the time, and at the time, it felt like it was the best decision for you. Now, with things being different, it isn't the best decision for you now, but that doesn't mean that back then you know. Like you didn't make this decision going like I'm going to blow up my world for fun. This sounds awesome, like you were following what you believed. So I'm really glad, though, that you're now able to talk about it and not have that shame story around it, because it is just. It's just a chapter in your story, it's just a blip on your map and you know, I'm really glad that you did that, you know, and that you're that you've healed that part of it.

Speaker 1:

I also love that you pointed out that you, you know, were able to purchase that house on your own. You know, and like, because that is, it's so freeing. So, whether it's that you can rent an apartment by yourself or you can buy, you know, a piece of property, like, I think those are huge things, so I love that you did that. Now, what did, like your friends and family say, when you first like left for someone else and then you know, as you were going through this, because I know sometimes people in these situations through this, because I know sometimes people in these situations, their families and friends, mean, well, you know, quote unquote, but some of what they say is less than helpful. So I'd love to kind of hear, like, do you remember anything that you know the haters were saying?

Speaker 2:

Oh God, yeah, it was kind of split 50, 50. I mean, I had a lot of support, um, and then I had a lot of haters. I had a lot of people that were very judgmental obviously lost a lot of friends. You obviously find out who your friends are when you're going through something like that and you know if it's really a friendship or if it's really you know if it's really a friendship you're going to come over, sit down, look someone in the eye and say, hey, what's going on? How are you, um, and not distance themselves and place judgment on you. So huge lessons were learned. Huge lessons were learned and, um, yeah, a lot of the family, like.

Speaker 2:

I remember my dad saying at some point well, uncle steve is very disappointed in you, very worried about you. I'm like well, he hasn't called me, he hasn't talked me, he hasn't talked to me, he doesn't say anything when we're at Christmas. You know, like, if you're worried about somebody and not that he's a bad person, and not that he was trying to do something ill or had ill intent but for anybody who's listening and they have somebody that's going through, that, take a minute and go and talk to whoever it is that you are really worried about, instead of just saying I'm really worried about so-and-so. You know, showing up and being present is is the thing to do.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. So now did you already have, um, the businesses that you have now. You know, while going through this like so were you juggling, you know, tying up loose ends with your ex-husband moving in with you know the narcissist that you, ultimately, you know, left. I guess let's start there. How did you untether yourself from that Like? Was that almost like going through another divorce?

Speaker 2:

Untether myself from the narcissist.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, oh, that was worse than the divorce, oh, um, so, yeah, um, I left. So I left, moved in with my mom for a short time, then moved in with um the narcissist and his kids, and that was too far away. But I knew I always wanted to have my house. So that was just. I knew that was a temporary thing, bought my house and then he moved in with him and his kids and it was really crazy because, let's see, in a year and a half-ish maybe in, we started planning to build a house and he bought land.

Speaker 2:

I'm a designer. So I designed the whole house, from the floor plan to every single color, every single detail. It was all me detail, it was all me. Um. And then being a designer, like I had all of my um, my bonuses of being a designer. You know, I bought things at cost and whatever Um, we moved in and I listed my house. Thank God it didn't sell, like God was really looking out for me. Because it didn't sell. I didn't hardly have any showings. And when we moved into the new house, that's when he really started to show his true colors, like it was, it was like a switch flipped. You know, because it was his house quote his house because I still own my house no-transcript wow yeah, um, and I think, yeah, that was the day that I got really bad.

Speaker 2:

I have never in my life called the cops, ever. I had to call the cops to just move out of the house. Yeah, um, and thank god, I had really great friends and my grandma. They all showed up with trucks and we got a U-Haul and it was like 400 degrees. The garage was facing the west, so the hot afternoon sun was just cooking us as we were hauling as much out as we possibly could. But yeah, it was rough, wow, and thankfully I still had my house, so we just took every you know, all the vehicles and the U-Haul to my house. But, yeah, very scary time, because I, you know, I had to change the locks on my doors. I probably changed the locks on my doors at my house three times. I used to know the amount of money that I had spent on just locks. It's a sad situation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, oh, wow. Well, I'm glad that you had the support, though, you know, when going through that, and I'm glad that you know you were able to recognize it. You know, I mean, at least it was only a month in and it wasn't, you know, years in. Um, so that obviously means that you learned something from the first time.

Speaker 2:

Well, I went back. Unfortunately that lasted a whole nother year, but I didn't move back in fully, because you know I learn everything the hard way. I say you got to keep learning the lesson, but yeah, he sucked me back in for a little bit and then I finally thankfully I didn't move back in, so I didn't have as much to gather and run with the last time.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's the problem with like narcissistic people is they are just charming enough to keep you around.

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 1:

And they're just charming enough to pull you back in. They push you down, they gaslight the shit out of you, and then they make you feel crazy. And then you know, and then all of a sudden they're so charming and you're like, oh, they didn't mean that it's okay. And then you stay, and then they gaslight charming and you're like, oh, they didn't mean that it's okay. And then you stay, and then they gaslight the shit out of you and every time they gaslight you, you just like lose more another piece of yourself and like more and more of you goes away.

Speaker 2:

Oh for sure, Like I was unrecognizable. I mean, I I've always considered myself as a strong, independent and feisty woman. And I look back at that girl and I was like what, how did how? Did he destroy? I mean, obviously I played a part in it, so I can't say he destroyed. I allowed that to happen and I allowed to myself to be in that position and to be lied to and manipulated. But man, it's just crazy how how much I lost of myself. But I feel like I really needed to, to burn myself down in a way, um, to become who I am now, because I will never let that happen. And the amount of anxiety that I lived with at the time. I will never let that happen. And the amount of anxiety that I lived with at the time. I don't know how I functioned, I don't know how I slept, because it was always there. And now I feel a teeny, tiny little bit of anxiety. I'm like what the fuck? You know where?

Speaker 1:

does that come from? It's got to go, yeah, yeah, no, I totally get that, because it is. It's interesting when you look back, you know, like when I look back on how I was, you know, when I was in my marriage, like if you would have asked me when I was married, you know, to my ex-husband, I literally would have told you that we were the happiest people in the world and that we had the best marriage. Like I literally didn't even realize how much I had lost about myself until, you know, until I was out of it. And honestly, ironically, it was my ex-husband who pointed out all the things that he was like, yeah, he's like, do you know that?

Speaker 1:

Like you used to be this way and now you're this way, and then, like you know, and I wasn't even nice to you Like think about this and this and this, and I was like, huh, how did I not see that? Like you just don't even realize that you focus so much on being the perfect wife and then you have kids and then you focus so much on being the perfect mom and you're no longer that sexy wife that you had. You know cause your body is now like you made a child and you know if you're eating you're now the dairy cow like. Those aren't your husband's fun bags anymore, those are actually just like those are. You know you're feeding your children so like. It's so hard because then you get so lost in wanting to be the perfect wife and wanting to be the perfect mom that you forget how to be the perfect Sarah or the perfect lens. You know, like you. Just you lose those pieces and parts.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's so true. And I feel like, oh, that's so true. And I feel like people's biggest hurdle in marriage is like forgetting to date each other. You know, like go on a date and be a couple every now and then and not be the perfect wife, not be the perfect mom or the perfect housekeeper or whatever, but to go and like fall in love all the time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, date your spouse. Like that is the biggest piece of advice that I give to people, that you know, whether it's your first marriage or your 17th, it doesn't matter Like just you have to like date your spouse. And like you know, my husband and I try, cause I'm remarried now and like he and I, we both had been married previously. So we both are very, very grateful for the things that we learned in our past marriages. But we also know that, like we're not going to take each other for granted and we're going to do date nights and we're going to go on trips together and we're going to, you know, we like to call it bubble time, like in the evenings.

Speaker 1:

You know, like we come up to bed at the same time and we watch TV and we just hang out and, like you know, our four teenagers are, they can take care of themselves, so it's fine. But you know, like they're doing their own thing but we're like locked in our room where it's just kind of like our bubble and like that's where we can just like rest and relax and just like unwind from the day. But that's what we look forward to every night is our bubble time. So, yeah, just things like that that, like you don't like, you just don't know whenever you're in it, and then, once you've gone through situations like this, it does help you to be more grateful and more like, focused on things like that.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, 100% my first, or my ex-husband, I shouldn't say my first husband. I've only had one.

Speaker 1:

I know, isn't it so hard Like I find myself? Sometimes I'm like, oh, my first husband or my current husband, and I'm like, okay, I'm not saying my current husband, as if I'm choosing to have another one later on down the line.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but yeah, my ex-husband he had a swing shift job so it was very much like we were roommates, especially after kids, because then we really didn't have any kind of like time together. I remember I would go to family events by myself, I'd go to church by myself, so that was probably one of the. You know, obviously there was a lot of healing that I needed to do as an individual, but that definitely helped erode the relationship much faster.

Speaker 1:

Because obviously, like you went from the you know from your ex-husband to the narcissist, to you know, then just being just lens on her own, like what do you think was the biggest thing you did for yourself on your healing journey? Or just kind of walk us through, you know, your healing journey. You don't have to like it doesn't have to come off the top of your head what your biggest thing was, but just kind of walk us through your healing journey and maybe along that way it'll kind of highlight, like that was your the top.

Speaker 2:

Oh, that's a good question. I feel like I say all the time this was the most important thing I've done for myself, but there's a lot of big things. I mean, it started with seeing a counselor as soon as I separated from my husband and that was helpful. But it's very watered down basically from what I do now and what I ended up doing, not to downplay counselors, but it's just kind of like you rehash the same stuff, but it definitely brought a lot of things into my awareness that I didn't have before. Then, of course, I started reading a ton of books, which I still read a ton of books and I'm obsessed with any kind of personal growth. I feel like we should always be learning and leveling up, and it's never a I'm healed or a done task.

Speaker 1:

What do you think was like one of your favorite books, like if you had to recommend one to somebody. That was like going through this, like what would be like one of your go-tos or an author.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, well, the first books I read were on narcissists, which really made me aware of my role in it, and it was like reading a guidebook to what I was dealing with. Like it was like a manual. Um, so that opened the doors for a lot of other books. Um, jen Sincero was very important to me in the beginning. Um, oh, kate Northrup, do less. That was a big book for me. Um, but yeah, eventually I got into um. Oh man, I got all my books in the other rooms. Now I'm into Dan Sullivan big time. Oh yes, love um the gap and the gain.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, um, let's see wasn't he the one that did? 10x is better than 2x 10x.

Speaker 2:

I'm reading both of them at the same time. I had to look at my desk because I'm reading both of them at the same time. I had to look at my desk because I'm reading the card copy of 10X and I'm listening to the Gap and the Gain. Both are so amazing. Yeah, but yeah, now I do more. Joe Dispenza, catherine Ponder, wayne Dyer let's see, okay.

Speaker 1:

Oh, mel Robbins she was important to me in the beginning too Byron, katie, to like healing past traumas and things like that Even traumas that had nothing to do with my, you know, my previous marriage or anything like that just becoming the best version of myself, like I find that therapy is still helpful, but there's like and like you said, it's not really watered down, it's just it's a different way, and I think that's the best place for everyone to start is going to a therapist.

Speaker 1:

In my opinion, like, obviously take it with a grain of salt, but my opinion is starting with a therapist and then, once you've kind of broken through that first layer of shit and you're ready to dive deeper, that's when I think you start going down these other self-help paths, and I think that's how I kind of found, like Kathy Heller and Kate Northrup and, you know, tracy Lidd and like all of the big players that have really helped me dig even deeper. Yeah, you know, I'd love to hear. So you did therapy and then you did self-help and then you know kind of what was like, what was the rest.

Speaker 2:

So there was a point. It was a. It was an August, probably the year that I broke up with the narcissist the last time. And, uh, my friend Jenna, who is like my soul sister we've gone through all the same shit just at different times, which is very convenient because she'll go through some shit and then I'll go through some shit like the exact same thing a year later, and like we just have this knowing of oh, this is what we gotta do, this is how I can help you pick up the pieces.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I love having a ride or die that like especially someone. Not that you want other people to go through the same shit, but it's nice when you have that ride or die person that you're like. Oh okay, yep, I know what I'm supposed to do here.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's just crazy Like we've been through almost all of the same stuff. Right now I'm pregnant, as you know, but right now she's like, oh God, I'm not ready for that. We don't. We've got, you know, they've got older kids and her husband's older. So she's like I'm going to have to go back on birth control, because she just knows that we are always going through the same thing.

Speaker 2:

But anyway, um, she called me one August day and I was kind of in my, my uh, puddle of sorrow, my, you know, my shit fit. And she's like, what are you doing? And I was bitching about my life and I'm like, and she's like, okay, go get in your truck and come to black river and you're going to see Don. I'm like, okay, I'd heard about Don before, but I just never, you know, took initiative. Don does Reiki and, um, holistic health and all the all these great things. So I just went in with an open mind and jenna scheduled my session and paid for my session and that was a huge turning point for me because, um, I think you go to reiki, right?

Speaker 1:

I think you go to Reiki, right, do you? Yeah, literally my Reiki specialist, like I did a at some point you'll hear an episode with her on it because I wanted her to explain what Reiki was, because I was like I don't know how to explain it, other than I like come in and I leave and it's magical, like all the negative shit just flows out of me and I just leave feeling so much lighter and yeah, so I go once a month. So, yeah, total believer in Reiki, yep, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I've been going once a month for I think it's five years, um, but that was definitely a turning point and my first session was crazy powerful. I balled my face off. I had like spinning sensations. I released so much crap that I didn't even know I had. It was life-changing. I tell her all the time you saved my life. Like she's still um, was it two months ago? I was in a downward spiral for a few days and just I don't know bad energy and I scheduled an appointment with her. I get to her house and it's the wrong day and she comes to the door and.

Speaker 2:

I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I thought it was today. And she's like, no, no worries, just come on in. And I get in her door and I just start bawling. And that was one of the most powerful sessions, because when I left I was like a new dude, completely new dude. But yeah, same thing with me. Yeah, what is? How do you explain Reiki? And I feel like explaining it to people almost is an injustice, because all you really need to know is you go and you're going to feel better, like I feel like if some people research the crap out of things and then they get their own idea of what it is, so I've I don't know how many sessions I've bought for friends I'm like you're just going to go, I'm not going to tell you anything, you just go. And then they come out and they're just like, oh my God.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, and it's crazy. So, like my Reiki specialist I don't know whether you call her like guru specialist, I don't, I don't even know but so my Reiki girl is freaking phenomenal. And I found her like I literally was at an event where someone was like, oh, we're offering Reiki and tarot and I literally never like done either one. And I was like, whatever, fine, I'll try it. And like I went in and I'm telling you, like I tell her that she is the reason that my business has taken off in the way that it has, because when I went to her she, you know, she didn't know me from Adam, she didn't know my name, she didn't know anything because I was just meeting her at this party. So I sit down and literally, you know, whenever I try and explain it to people, again, I make it sound so woo that people are like fuck, and I'm like, literally, I sit down and she puts her hands like above my head, you know, and I just like I can feel it, and I was like okay, like I don't, I don't know what, what's going on, and but I just like sat there and just like in my head I was thinking like, okay, like you know that that that like just thinking about stuff, whatever. Anyways, when she was done, she was just like she's like your angels, spirit guides, you know whatever you want to call them. She was like they want me to tell you that you've planted all the seeds and you're good. And I was like holy crap.

Speaker 1:

I was like I literally was just talking to a friend not too long before that, like in a total different space, so it's not like she overheard or anything like that, but I had just been talking to her about how, hey, I'm on this team, they're getting ready to leave and go to a different brokerage, but I think I'm ready to go out on my own, but I don't know. And I keep going back and forth and blah, blah, blah. And it was like as soon as she said that, I was like yep, and I left then. So, um, I now go to like different events with her that she offers free Reiki and like I'll be there to make sure people like get signed up and you know if they have any questions or whatever.

Speaker 1:

But like she always tells me to explain it, like it's like just gentle touch healing. It's kind of like the sister to acupuncture without needles. It's kind of like the sister to acupuncture without needles. So, yeah, that's a good way. Yeah, because it. I mean like you, literally you release so much stuff and you just walk away like like it literally so much lighter.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, um, I, I call it. I say energy healing and still people look at you like you have two heads, like what is energy healing? But that session that I was talking about, when I um showed up at the door and it was the wrong day I had, we had just got done with the the fair. So, um, my kids show animals and it's always a lot and it's always emotional and I see a lot of family and old friends from when I was married and so it used to bring up so much icky energy and I would just I dreaded it even though I was so excited to go and see my kids and watch them do.

Speaker 2:

Well, and over the years it's gotten so much better and this year was the best, the easiest, and so we get done with my session and she's like, yeah, you had a lot of energy from the fair and people's hooks were in you. I literally shaved it off of you. I had to take one of her. She said she took one of her crystals and she shaved people's energy off of me because they were like it was clinging to me, they had their hooks in me and I'm like, well, the fair was so good this year and she's like, yeah, for you. But there was a lot of people that were like, oh, I want some of that. Why is she feeling so good? How dare she feel that good, how dare she look that good, how dare she be happy? And so it's really crazy how it affected me, even though I thought it was like this great experience. But other people's energy hangs on you too. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I love that and I love that you know, I love that you opened up to the possibility of you know of Reiki or of something outside of the norm. You know, because from literally sobbing on the bathroom floor every night for six months to like being able to actually function and actually get through the day and actually start to heal, so you know, that's where I learned like radical acceptance and all of that stuff. So I think that you know, for anyone that's listening, if you're like oh, that's just way too woo, you know that's fine, start with therapy, work, work, all those things. And then just you know, I always ask people just keep an open mind, like because you never know what is going to help on your healing journey.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, exactly, and, like I said, I don't mean to downplay therapy, it's just it was a very good place to start. Like I said, I don't mean to downplay therapy, it's just it was a very good place to start and I did unearth a lot of hidden shit that I didn't even know I had, and even more so in Reiki. One of the things I wanted to bring up with Reiki is we did a sacred child rebirth Reiki session and that was so cool. So she takes you back into your days before you're born and how your parents felt, how your mom was feeling. Was she feeling supported? Did she feel, um, secure, you know? Uh, was she confident in her in her birth? Did she?

Speaker 2:

You know all the things, um, and then you, like you, experience your birth session and it's wild, the things that come through and the things that you don't even know are affecting you. That happened before you were born or during your birth. Um, for example, my dad wasn't there, and so my mom yeah, he, he wasn't there, and then he stopped in and then he had to go to a tractor, pull of all things.

Speaker 1:

I mean my daughter's being born. Tractor pull, I would choose tractor pull.

Speaker 2:

I mean, he was a puller himself, but you know still it's your baby girl being born.

Speaker 2:

Come on Right. So you know, think of how that affects somebody. That's the most important day of your life and you're not there and I don't hold any anger to my dad anymore, but that obviously was a thing that was affecting me my mom, my dad, my kids, everybody in our family that I didn't even know was there. And then she has you go through your birth and how you would want to be born. You know, did your mom struggle? Did you come out easily, All the things? And then we also did my kids, which was really cool, and you ask your kids if they want to be reborn or if they're satisfied with their birth. And my daughter wanted to be reborn and my son did not.

Speaker 2:

So, that was really cool, yeah, but yeah after um, so obviously Reiki has been a thing for me. And then let's see, two years ago almost is when I found, well, the first course I did was actually for designers, so that's when I started in the course world and that's how you and I met. We met through Kathy Heller. But first it was a interior designer course where I got my feet wet with it and I was like this is just so fun. I fell in love with learning and there was also a mindset piece in it. Then I found Kate Northrup's course. I was enrolled in her course and that was really beautiful the do less course, you know, where you learn to work with your cycles, and it's a female empowerment course really. And then I found Kathy and Kathy's course and retreats really were a big change for me. Like that's when I really tapped into even more healing and power and enlightenment. I feel like yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I totally agree, cause I found Kathy. Yeah, yeah, I totally agree, cause I found Kathy two years ago. Yeah, gosh, yeah, two years ago. Um, I found her and I just was like listening to a podcast and like I was in like a horrible, horrible black hole part of life, like horrible. And I found her and I found myself just like like she was a guest on someone else's podcast and I heard her and something about her just kind of like resonated with me and then I started listening to her podcast and I found myself like talking to the radio and she'd be like you know what that what I'm talking about. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do. I'm like I've never talked to the radio before, but okay, and then she like offered that program and I like found myself just totally like called to like sign up, and then she was like, oh, and I'm doing this retreat in Boca, and I was like, okay, I have to do it and that's where I met you. So you know, obviously it was worth every penny because I got to meet you. Also, it was just so cool.

Speaker 1:

And I think the biggest thing for people that are listening right now, the biggest thing about these things is finding your tribe. So when I walked into that group with Kathy, I mean you're walking into a room with 75 other women. And if you would have told me 10 years ago that I was going to walk into a room of 75 women and not feel like so, like nervous, or you know, just like I was being judged or you know like I just feeling like I had to compete with everyone in there, if you had told me that I was going to walk into a room with that many women and not feel that way, I would have told you that you were batshit crazy and there's no freaking way. And then, like I don't know what, that you were batshit crazy and there's no fricking way. And then like I don't know what it is, but I literally walked in, I felt at ease, I was talking to everyone, I did not feel, I didn't feel like I was competing with anyone and it was the first time that I could share my big vision goal and people didn't go what, you're crazy, there's no freaking way, or like try and talk me out of it or tell me that I'm gonna find a different goal, that I should just set my sights lower.

Speaker 1:

So I say all of that to say that anyone that's listening, whether it is going into something that is helping with your business, like the design piece, like you did, or if it's to just like teach you how to grow your business or start a podcast or whatever find the thing that you're like feeling called to do and just follow through with it because it's going to change your life in so many different ways that you don't even know until you're done with the program. And then you're like holy shit. I mean like I became a total different person. I came home from Boca and I was like, oh my God, like I can now, like I can see things. Like you know, my future is bright and I can see all this stuff. And it's like looking through this, you know, looking glass.

Speaker 1:

And every time that I'd ever heard somebody say something like that before, I thought they were insane. And now I'm like I got you, okay, like let's do this, but yeah, so I think it's just finding that thing and I think, trusting your intuition, like when you feel called to something, do it. Yep, it's a sign. Yeah, god, universe, angel guides, spirit guides, buddha, whatever it is that you want to believe in, it's all the same thing, it's all source and it's all sending you signs in some way to follow. You know, follow this path of growth and yeah.

Speaker 2:

So Boca was the first thing that I had ever done, on my own too, and walking in a room with a bunch of women that you don't know. Totally agree with everything you said about that, but that was a huge opening into, like the who I am now, because I never would have gone anywhere by myself, like going to lunch by myself was not even something that I probably did, you know, at a time. And walking into that room and not having to explain to people, and I love that. You said tribe, but that's. I just announced my membership yesterday and it's called tribe. Oh, I love that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's what I really feel like women are searching for.

Speaker 2:

We are searching for people who just get us.

Speaker 2:

We're not trying to compete, we're not trying to judge each other or put each other down or poo-poo our ideas, like we are all cheerleaders for each other, and that's what we're all really searching for. And unfortunately, a lot of people don't know that there's a world out there that exists like that and that's what is such a huge. I mean, you know, we go to these events, we go to retreats, we go to courses for because we feel we resonate with the coach or the leader and you do, and you get a lot out of them. Then there's this whole other side of it with the community. Like you and I, I never would have met you if I hadn't been in that program or if I hadn't gone to that retreat. And there's, like I don't know, 20 other women that I've met through the same channel, that I can't imagine my life without them now because they are my cheerleaders and we bounce ideas off of each other and we call each other on our, on our bullshit, and there's no, there's no artificial, there's no, um, you know drama.

Speaker 1:

Yeah Well, and I, um, I love that you're calling it tribe, because tribe is like my I just feel like it's such a better word than like my group, my ladies, my, you know, whatever, like it's just like my tribe, because a tribe is like people that are there to help you grow, that want the best for you. Um, which is why I do, you know, thrive and decide events like every other month where women can come together and find that tribe. So, you know, thrive and decide events like every other month where women can come together and find that tribe. So, you know, obviously, here in central Ohio it's much easier and I'd love to, you know, obviously, have big visions for how we can make this even bigger, but for now it's here in central Ohio and we do those and I always say, like, come and find your tribe.

Speaker 1:

Like, because I just think you know anyone that's going through divorce or the loss of a spouse, like you feel so lost and so just alone and you're, you know, like you said in the beginning, you're in that shame cycle, you're in that shame story and you can't see past the shame because you have your shame glasses on, and it's not until you find shame story and you can't see past the shame because you have your shame glasses on, and it's not until you find your tribe and you start like you start actually talking, but you don't want to just talk to anybody. So you find people that understand you. So it's just like how you and I felt when we walked into Kathy Heller and we were like, holy shit, these people don't think I'm insane when I tell them I'm going to be a billionaire. It's like you know this, this, you know. You walk in and you're like, oh my God, I'm dealing with this narcissist and I, you know whatever. And it's like, girl, I got you.

Speaker 1:

I feel I know exactly what you're going through. Mine does blah, blah, blah, you know. And so when you find those people that know, like you don't have to explain yourself, you just can start talking and it's like someone already heard the first part of your story. You just start in the middle and they're already caught up, they already know.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, it's all finding people that you resonate with and and then being in a collective whether it's a live event like that or a zoom or you know whatever when we're all vibing at that frequency, it levels our frequency up, it levels our vibe vibe up and it allows us to just continue to grow so much faster, like it's it's fertilizer yeah, yeah, it is, I love that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that. Well, thank you so much for taking time out and kind of walking us through your story. Um, you know, obviously, like you've, you've come a long, long way and I'm so freaking proud of you. Well, thank you, and same to you, thank you. I appreciate that. Well, thank you so much and and hopefully everyone listening has, um, you know, enjoyed hearing all the ways that you know, lindsay and I have found our path and kind of found our way and and healed, and hopefully something in there was able to resonate with you, so I will see you next time on, thrive and decide.