Divorce Myths, Debunked Clearly

Rumors spread fast during a split, but the court follows facts. We bring back family law attorney Tara Price to unpack the most common divorce myths we see in Ohio and explain what actually drives outcomes on property, custody, and day-to-day logistics. From the belief that cheating guarantees a financial win to the idea that kids can pick where they live at a certain age, we translate legal standards into plain language and practical steps you can use right now.

We start with the big ones: why adultery only matters when it becomes financial misconduct, how “best interest of the child” overrides age-based assumptions, and why moving out doesn’t make you lose your share of the house. Tara explains how Ohio courts treat titles and account names, what “equitable” really means for dividing retirement and debt, and how early filing can protect assets with temporary restraining orders even if filing first isn’t a magic bullet. We also get into the weeds on status quo insurance rules, the real risks of recording calls across state lines, and new restrictions on tracking kids during the other parent’s time—plus how to write location-sharing agreements that keep everyone compliant and safe.

Money and home decisions get a reality check, too. Should you sell or keep the house? Refinance or assume the loan? Trade equity for retirement or the other way around? We outline how to weigh interest rates, taxes, timelines, and eligibility with a team that includes your attorney, financial advisor, lender, and a divorce-savvy realtor. And we tackle sensitive curveballs: pregnancy can delay finalizing a divorce due to paternity presumptions, and splitting one household into two reshapes budgets, schedules, and expectations. Forget the “mom state” vs “dad’s rights” narrative—judges look at evidence, history, and statutory best-interest factors.

If you’re ready to replace fear and Facebook folklore with a grounded plan, this conversation gives you a clear map and the right questions to ask. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review to tell us which myth surprised you most.

To connect with Tara Price:

Tara R. Price

Senior Associate Attorney

LANGHALS LAW, LLC

P: (937) 738-6700

Hi and welcome to Thrive and Decide. I’m your host Sarah Thress. This podcast is intended to help women who are going through a divorce, continplating divorce or have lost a spouse feel seen, heard, understood and not alone. All the beautiful souls who share on here are coming from a place of vulnerability and a common belief that sharing your story will help others. You will also hear from industry experts on what to do and not do while going through a divorce.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Hi, and welcome to this week's episode of Thrive and Decide Guide to Divorce. This week we have Tara Price on. And if you've been listening, uh you would know that J is a frequent guest of ours. Uh J always provides such amazing information. Um she's given you know advice on uh how to you know find the the funds and you know get legal aid and things like that uh if you don't have access to it. Uh so I I loved that episode. So if you haven't listened, go ahead and uh go back and listen to that one after you've listened to this one, of course. Um But today we are gonna be talking about um just myths, you know, just things out there that uh, you know, seem to get circulated and um you know seem to to trip up a lot of people that are going through this. So uh I loved the fact that she was uh willing to come back on and um and go over all of those. So Tara, thank you so much for joining us today.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

Absolutely. I'm happy to be here and hope I can be a little bit of help um in answering any of the questions and getting some information.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Yeah. Excellent. Well, I'll let you get started with um the rapid fired myths. That's what we've uh called this episode.

Affairs And Financial Misconduct

Kids’ Wishes vs Best Interest

Moving Out And House Rights

SPEAKER_03 2:17

We call it rapid fire, and I'll probably not be rapid fire. So don't do that. That's okay. It might be a misquote, but that's okay. At least um they are myths, I will assure that. Um, so I think um the the um one thing I would mention here is just there's no one size fits all answer, obviously, to it. But at least um we'll go through some of what what we um see and hear a lot of. Um, a lot of comments on Facebook will point to these different things. So I'll mention that as well. But the first one I often will get is my spouse cheated. So I want X, Y, and Z. And they believe because their spouse cheated, they are gonna get more in the divorce. Um, they think that you know that's just how it's going to be. And they're very angry, they come emotional, and I'm here to tell you that's not the case typically. So again, these are all general, but uh, generally speaking, there's not gonna be an offset just because one person is emotionally charged because the other one cheated on them. Typically, I, you know, tell the people who come in to see me like, that's that's not really what we're here about. You know, we're here to figure out what are your assets, what are your debts, you know, if you've got kids, what's the custody situation? But the focus is not going to be on the fact that one of the spouses cheated. So I also have had people come to me and say, you know, I I was the one, I stepped out on the marriage and you know, I shouldn't have done that, but no, you know, I they're really scared to file. And so I would just say, you know, go make sure you are truthful and, you know, explain the situation. Um, but that's not going to be a deciding factor typically in a divorce. There are exceptions, of course. One of them might be, you know, there's a situation where I've been successful at having trials and getting what we call financial misconduct. So if a spouse has been cheating and they've been putting up their significant other mistress in a penthouse, they've been paying for their bills this whole time, you know, it's been a whole thing. Um, there's lots of money being spent on them, you know, that sort of thing. That's a totally different situation. It's financially um backed. That might be, you know, something worth pursuing as opposed to just in general, they're angry that they cheated. Um, so that's that's the more uh usual situation that we see and hear about. So that's the first one I would say. Another one is a lot of parents will ask, you know, well, my son or daughter is 10 now. And so I've I've heard, you know, they can, you know, make their own decision. Okay, my child is eight years old, and now I he wants to decide where he's gonna live at. And I'm like, yeah, that's not the case. In Ohio, we're gonna look at what's in the best interest of the kiddo. So we can consider at certain ages, you know, what their wishes are, what their concerns are. The courts, you know, got different ways to do that, whether it's an in-camera interview with the child or whether it's with a guardian speaking to them and getting what their wishes are and putting that out there. But kids don't get to just decide, um, thankfully, in Ohio, because I've seen personally as a both a guardian and an attorney, there being, you know, kids who are older that I disagreed as a guardian, you know, with and I had to tell the court, you know, I disagree. The child saying, you know, he was 14 and he wants X, Y, and Z, he wants to live with this person, and I'm like, that's not what's best for him. He wants to do that because, you know, mom or dad, you know, lets him rule the roost and does his own rules and doesn't have to go to bed and gets to do unlimited gaming and gets to listen to R-rated movies. You know, that's the way that kids' minds work sometimes, right? So we have to make those decisions for them. Can you imagine if you let your you know, 12-year-old or 14-year-old just decide what they were gonna do? Are they gonna go to school? Probably not. Are they gonna go to church if you wanted them to? Probably not. So um it's just like those situations. The court's gonna take everything into account. Um, and so just because they're a certain age doesn't necessarily mean that's gonna be the end all be all. So if um I move out, I abandon my interest in the house. I'd be curious to hear what you have to say about this or what you hear about this. But a lot of people will be worry that if they move out during you know, the process of separating from their significant other, that they're going to abandon their interests. So primarily I'm I'm talking about married folks. So if you're married, you know, what happens in that situation? If you move out, do you give up all of your rights to the house? Do you, you know, abandon, you know, any interests, meaning are they gonna start to buy you out in the end of all this if there's some sort of equity in there? You know, lots of different factors at play. But generally speaking, it doesn't mean that you know you're gonna lose your marital interest in that house just because you chose to move out. Again, generally, that's not the case. You're gonna have you know lots of factors to look at. You know, is there a marital interest in the house? Are you on on the mortgage? Are you on the deed? You know, there's different reasons why you may or may not want to do that, but that's not going to typically just like yank your interest away and say, okay, he's gonna keep everything because you chose to move out, or she's gonna get to keep everything. Um, I will say it's probably harder to get back in the house, but not not unheard of. Um but yeah, that's something that a lot of people worry about. And then, you know, of course, we've got dower rights in Ohio still that has not been abolished, at least to my knowledge. Um, I know there was a law that they were trying to pass, I think, last year or the year before, trying to get rid of it. But Ohio is one of the few states that still has what we call dower rights. So if parties are married and you know, the even if they're not on it, they um may have like an interest in the the deed allows them to have an interest. They have to quickly their deed over to their spouse to um give away their dower interest. And so that would be something that you would not be abandoning by just moving out. So not only the marital equity part of it, but that. Do you have anything to add to that that you hear about?

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah, no, I get that question a lot. Um, you know, especially uh specializing in, you know, divorced real estate. I get that question a lot. Like, you know, uh, I I want to move out. Um, you know, I want to find another place. But if I do that, does that mean that I'm, you know, abandoning my family? Does that mean that I'm abandoning the house? Does that mean I don't, you know, I'm not gonna get anything? You know, it's like some people are like, I don't even care if that means I get nothing. I just want out like that. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 8:21

Some people do pleasantly surprised when they're like, oh, okay, so I can get can get something.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

I know. I'm always just like, well, I would, you know, because I'm not an attorney, so I never try to give out, you know, legal advice. So I always say, like, if I were you, I wouldn't talk with your attorney. But you know, my understanding is that if you know, if you move out, you're not giving up your interest in the house because, you know, because of the dower rights. And a lot of times people don't understand what dower rights are, and you know, and so then I'm like, well, it's a way to split up everything as fairly as possible. You know, nothing in divorce is fair. You can't split everything 50-50. Like it's just it's just not possible. You can't split your kids in half, you know, the house can't be split in half. Like, you know, there's there's all these other factors that you know that go into it. So um glad that you address that one.

Insurance Changes And Status Quo

SPEAKER_03 9:12

Yes, absolutely. I think that um is one of the the main ones I see on Facebook, anyways. Um, one of the lesser ones that I hear, um, but I but I get the question a lot in on my consultations is well, I'm just gonna cancel my health insurance. That's okay, right? Or they're worried that their spouse, if their their spouse is the one carrying them, like, is that gonna happen? No, could it happen? Yes, you know, people could decide to do that. Are they supposed to do that? Generally, no, um, they are not supposed to do that. There's actually a law in Ohio that's probably little well known. Um, that's only come up once in my career that I've actually had to like pull it out. Um, but it's good to know about that, you know, if you know that it's imminent that a divorce is gonna be filed, you're not supposed to remove your spouse from your health insurance policy. So if you two do not agree and you yank them off of your health insurance and you then file for divorce shortly thereafter, you might be in trouble. So just watch out for that. Um, I, you know, I see the courts wanting to keep the status quo. So if one of you has carried the other one, I say just suck it up, you know, buttercup and keep on doing what you're doing until we can get the court to say it's okay to remove them or they secure their own insurance. Because the worst case scenario is you take them off, you file for divorce or whatever, and then at that point they have some sort of emergency situation where they need health care and they get exordinate amount of medical expenses, and you end up being on the hook for 100% of them, not just 50%, because then they're like, Why did you do this? This was you know, you're doing. This is kind of financial misconduct about you. You would not want that to happen. So I always, you know, am like, hey, let's just keep the peace and we keep what we were doing. You know, it's gonna just hold on for a little bit longer and see what we can do. We can maybe address it with the court, you know, in a temporary stage or what have you, but that's not something that we want to be doing right off the bat. So I would not same thing with like, you know, car insurance, that sort of thing. You know, you could could they could get in an accident and then you know, you took them off their health or the car insurance if you were the one in charge of the policy. Now, thankfully, most of the car insurance policies, from what I hear from my clients, is they won't allow you to remove unless you show proof that they've gotten insurance elsewhere. So that's um a little bit less. But health insurance generally, um, when it comes time for renewal or whatever, a lot of people will want to take them off. And I'm like, even if you haven't filed, that's really not advisable. I I would not want to do that. Um in the situation once you file is every court in Ohio has a local rule that has a temporary restraining order. It's not a protection order, but it's a temporary restraining order that basically says, you know, in general words is don't be, you know, causing debt or running up the other person's debt or um taking out credit in their name or spending down assets, dissipating assets, that sort of thing. But one of the provisions in I think probably every county, if you look at it, is it's in their local rules, but it says, you know, not removing the other person from beneficiaries, um, you know, health insurance, car insurance, all of that. You want to make sure all of that remains the status quo. So just kind of be aware of that. But that's not something you can really do is just I'm filing for dwarfs, I'm just gonna cancel them on the health insurance. Um, right.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Well, and luckily, um, you know, it would have to be during an open enrollment period that someone could do that because you couldn't just go and say, Hey, I'm just taking you know my spouse off of this, because you have to show proof of change by yeah, some sort of family um change. Yeah. Um, you know, like you added a child or you, you know, you're getting a divorce or whatever. Like you have to show proof of all of that.

“It’s In My Name, So It’s Mine”

SPEAKER_03 12:44

Yeah. And it's usually, I think it's it's usually these first, um, it's probably more prominent because I probably had somebody here here in the last month. Um, we see a lot of divorces spike after the holidays, right? They stay together for the holidays and then afterwards, and sometimes that's when their open enrollment period is. Uh so I just watch out for that. Um one of the things that I most hear is it's in my name, so it's mine, or well, he has the house in his name, so it's his, or his retirement is in his name, obviously. So he gets that. And I'm like, that is not how the law works in Ohio. So thankfully, uh name on a document does not necessarily, it could mean, but does not necessarily mean always that it's a hundred percent that person's, right? So we have lots of situations, and and and you need to talk to your attorney about that, but there are lots of reasons why it would not just become the other person's debt or asset. Um, you know, there's exceptions to it, obviously. If there's, you know, maybe a premarital debt, you know, you may be able to argue that that's their separate debt and they should be responsible for it 100%. You shouldn't be on the hook, but it doesn't always just mean that there's lots of factors that play into it. You know, was it contributed to during the marriage? Is there some sort of marital interest in it and reason that you know you guys would split it equally? It's the court has equitable powers in Ohio and and family law courts. So that's the focus is what's equitable, and and you know, we're starting at equal, but what is equitable, not necessarily who's on the you know, deed, who's on the mortgage, whose you know, name is it in. So that's a huge one. People are always scared, you know. They're like, well, he said this and he told me that, or she told me this, and she told me that. And I'm like, that's not the case, you know, that's where you want to make sure you're getting that advice, that at least that consultation to get your options considered and know where to start with things. So yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Well, and I was thinking, um, I have uh it goes back to the um myth you just did and this one. So I had clients that um the uh one spouse did not want to file for divorce because they just didn't, they just didn't want to. They like didn't want to really come to terms with the fact that their marriage was over. Yeah. So the other spouse was then able to, because there was no filing, there was no restraining order. So the other spouse was able to drain all of the savings, all of the 401k, all of the assets, you know, all of that. So you know, so in that case, you know, it's really hard to be like, hey, if you would have filed that other spouse would not have been able to do all of that. But obviously that, you know, in the time they were in such grief that, you know, you can't you can't explain that. Um but so I I use that as like an example whenever other people are like, I don't know. And I'm like, just go ahead and do it if you think, you know, you can always like un, you know, you can always uh unfile. I'm like, but you can't ever like go back and you know backdate the filing to, you know, anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

Yeah, it wouldn't be like a violation of you know the temporary restraining order or anything like that in that case, but there's at least the it's just harder. It makes it harder, makes it harder for more attorney fees, more expert fees, more tracking down documents to prove. And then if their money, if the money they took is gone, it's gone, right? Like you can't find it, then you know, we can put it's just like getting a civil judgment against somebody who has no money. Uh, what what good is that, right? If they have nothing to garnish, no wages and and nothing, you know, to to show for it. So that's the hard part. So you might be able to, you know, still get something back from it, but it's gonna be a lot harder and probably not as much worth it. And you're not gonna get what you were entitled to to begin with, probably.

Equity Trades And Big-Picture Splits

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Yeah, exactly. Well, in that uh same client, um, when it came down to separating assets, um, you know, they uh wanted they wanted half of the equity in the house. And they, you know, this this person was so just dead set on getting the, you know, the half of the house that, you know, then that person, the other spouse's attorney was like, well, then we're gonna come after, you know, your pension. And, you know, and so it was like really helping them to understand that, like, hey, you really want to keep your pension all yours. So just give up this part of the house so that you can keep this. So again, it goes back to not everything can be split fairly. It's looking at the big picture and figuring out long term what is going to make the most sense for you. And again, it's always like a, you know, maybe it maybe in another case it would have made more sense to split pros and cons.

Sell The House Or Keep It

SPEAKER_03 17:25

What ages are they? Where are they at in their career? How many kids do they have, you know? And that's where, you know, those other people we had talked about in another episode is like get your financial advisor involved, get, you know, your realtor. There are different people who are gonna tell you because what if it's better to get a new house because the interest rate is lower today than it was, you know, and so it might make more sense to do that, or what's the investment rate on this, that, and the other, and you know, how does that work? So it's it's a definitely a question for other people, and all the facts come into play, but that is not always, you know, gonna be the best avenue is yes, I want this, or no, I, you know, I can't have that. Um that that kind of goes into the next one is that selling the house is the best option. So sometimes people will just assume, you know, let's say they come in and they're like, Well, I'm done, I don't want anything to do with that house, you know, it's been bad memories, whatever. Let's just sell the house. I'm done. And I'm like, Well, you've only lived there for a year, so and it's appreciated X amount. So, did you talk with your financial advisor or you know, the accountant about capital gains? What does that look like? So you have to make sure you qualify to get, you know, tax-free on you know, the proceeds and the amount for capital gains. Um, you know, you're still gonna have to buy somewhere else. So go talk to Sarah and see what's that, you know, gonna look like, you know, are you gonna be able to do an interest rate plus whatever? You know, are you gonna qualify? What type of down payment? You know, you're gonna have to find a lender to do that. Sarah's gonna know somebody, but they're gonna have to get all of that in a row and it might not make sense. It might make sense to do an assumption of the loan instead of a refinance, for example, or starting fresh. Um, you might not lose the interest rate that you know exists today. We I think mine is lower than or I know mine is lower than what it is today. So it'd be the same type of situation. A lot of people are gonna have those houses, even if they purchased them in recent years. It might not make the most sense. It may, but it may not. So I think people get kind of focused on one thing and they and it's actually usually the the opposite. They're like, I want to keep the house, and this is gonna be, you know, the stable part of my kids' childhood, you know, whatever it is. And sometimes that's not the best option for all of those reasons, too. So it can go either way.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

Yeah, I totally agree. And I always um I always go at it from that perspective as well. You know, if someone like reaches out to me and they want to know, you know, what their house is worth, and you know, they really think that uh we just want to sell it, you know, um, or they want to know what it's worth because they want to keep it and they want to figure out how much, you know, they would get in uh, you know, in the equity or whatever. And so I always try and help them to get all of the information and then they can make the best informed decision for them. Because, you know, even if it doesn't make sense on paper, this person may be so dead set on it that like, okay, if that's what you want, then that's what you want, you know.

Sole Custody vs Shared Parenting

SPEAKER_03 20:09

At least I gave you the options and the information, the facts, and you can make your own decision and think about it. Um, yeah, that's a good point too. Cause I mean, sometimes people don't think about, you know, the real they they will come to us and they'll say, Well, we wanna, you know, I want to keep the house, but I figured out it's worth, you know, I went to Sarah and it's worth X. And I'm like, they're like, this is how much I owe, and this is how much it would be if we sold it first, you know, realtor closing costs as an estimate. And I'm like, that's great, but like the court's gonna look at the reality. And the reality is you're not paying closing costs or realtor fees. So we're gonna look at what the value is minus what you owe on it, and then this is the equity, and then they're like, Oh, I didn't know you couldn't like like well, you can if you guys agree, but like I don't think she's gonna agree to that, or vice versa. So um, thinking about those sorts of things too, it's just once you put pencil to paper, um, you have to compare all of the options. So I think not going in with one thing is the best option, always is the case. It's it's there's no one size-fit-all approach, like I said.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

So yeah, I began to agree. Yeah, exactly. I totally agree. And that's what I try and help people to understand. You know, some people are afraid to even like reach out because they think that I'm just going to like you know, try to help push them. Yeah, and I'm like, it is not, you know, like this is my role is just literally to give advice and give all the options. And then if you want to sell, awesome. If you don't, awesome.

Venting, Privilege, And Evidence

Recording Laws And Wiretapping Risks

Tracking Kids And New Ohio Law

SPEAKER_03 21:31

Like, you know, like whatever you might, and at some point you might not might not be right now. Like that, that's just how it is. And that's good that you're able to do that with people. Um, the next one, I guess, would not be related to that, but the next one I was gonna say is everybody that I talk to, it seems like come in with this idea of like, I don't want to do, I want to do soul custody, right? I don't want to do shared parenting with them. And then when I get down to like, well, what do you mean? So I try to like pull through them and like what what does that mean to you? What does you know, shared custody or shared parenting mean to you? And so if you're listening and you don't know, there, you know, there's a couple of different options. You can have sole custody to mom, sole custody to dad, or other mom. And then, you know, you've got shared parenting, which is where they share those decisions. And really, custody in Ohio is just about those major decisions for your kiddo. It has nothing to do with technically the parenting time schedule that you're following. And so what people are associating with is I don't want to split time equally with my ex. And so they say I don't want shared parenting, but what they mean is I just don't want an equal schedule. I want more of the time with my kiddo. And I'm like, okay, those are totally separate issues. So uh one of the myths is just like you can have, you know, people wouldn't know that you can have shared custody, but yet you can have a majority of the time, or you could have sole custody and it could be an equal time schedule. You can really mix with it what you want. And and sometimes, you know, there's this general idea that, you know, if you have sole custody, you're gonna have more of the time, but that's not always the case and it doesn't have to be that way. So every Um fact pattern is different as to what's the best, but that's what I would um just caution people to know that there is a difference in that. Um, so that one, um, the next one I have is venting to friends doesn't matter. So recently had a case where um there was a party who uh well, there's two of them that I'm thinking of. One of them was where the party is friends with someone who is related to the legal community. Um, we've had that come up in a couple different cases. And so that when they're venting about their case, it's like, yeah, and if your spouse or ex knows that's your venting to that person, they may get called in as a witness. So you need to watch what you're saying. Same thing with giving, you know, let's say you go talk to your attorney, and you and your attorney are having this attorney client privileged communication, whether it's by email or you know on the phone or in person, and then you go and say, Well, my attorney told me X. I'm like, as your attorney, don't do that. Don't do that, don't break that attorney client confidentiality because we want to be able to keep that um when you're you know on the stand that you don't have to say, What did you tell this person, you know, about that? Uh so just venting in general and then you know, breaking that attorney client privilege. I feel like sometimes that's important too. Um, so the next one is I can always record all conversations. So I've seen people comment, well, just record all your conversations between the kiddo and dad or kiddo and mom or record all your interactions, you know, whether it's video or phone with dad, um, that sort of thing. And so there's this thought that because Ohio is a one-party consent state, we say that you can just record everything. And I'm like, whoa, like in one of the scenarios, I was like correcting somebody, like, be careful what you're saying. They need to go talk to an attorney to see if this is actually appropriate. Number one, and advisable. Don't be giving advice when you're not an attorney because this is the problem that this case is specific. Had had a situation where the other spouse, the dad, I think it was, was traveling for work and he was always in different states. And so I was like, you could be violating like a federal wiretapping law by by recording that conversation. Like that that might not even be, you know, something that you can even use in court, number one, and two might be a criminal act. So don't be advising them. And I don't even know that because I'm not, you know, I'm not an attorney in other states. But um, I have uh personal column and have to take a pause for a second, if that's okay, Sarah. If you want to pause, yeah, of course. Okay, so back to the situation about recording too. I guess I would mention one other thing is sometimes people record conversations between them and their child or just their child and the other parent or what have you. And so they have to watch that too and talk with your attorney about whether that's advisable or allowed in terms of what the court can even consider and you know whether it's the best case, because sometimes the guardians that are involved don't want to hear about and don't want to know about. And again, it could be all discoverable by the other side, and it might be things that you don't want them to hear. So that's why it's always important. But in particular, the child's wishes and concerns, um, there's laws out there in Ohio about um what the court can and can't consider, and and child's wishes and concerns are one of them, that they're not allowed to hear recorded statements about that. So whether written, you know, recorded, that sort of thing. Um, along those lines, and in terms of recording, there was this um brand new law. And I don't know, I think I told you about it, Sarah, and and it's probably something that in most states they they have now or they're going to get just with technology that has come about. But there's a newer law, I think it was 20 maybe March of 25 came about. And so it's about tracking your child. So the myth is that you can just track your kid wherever they go, regardless if they're going with your ex or your current spouse that you're divorcing, you know, whatever you situation you might have. Um, that's not the case. So you cannot technically track your child in all of those situations. There are rules. Um, now if you and your spouse have an agreement and it's not been, you know, retracted, that might be a different situation. Again, you're gonna need to talk with an attorney about the specifics because there are situations where you are committing a crime if you do track your child when they're with their, you know, your ex significant other ex-spouse or spouse that you're divorcing because they want to be able to protect the confidentiality of the ex too, right? So yes, it's important you know where your kiddo is, but there are certain situations where you just don't get to know that. Um, you you just get to know that they're safe with the ex. And so it does upset people when I explain that new law to them. But there are exceptions and you know, there's ways around it. Um, but just making sure you're you've got everything in the language in your um separation room or shared parenting plan or parenting plan just addresses that situation is helpful too. So I've always addressed it in the past many years. Um, but now I have it revised, of course, according to this law to make sure that we're taking all of the precautions um to set them up for success. So if they you know have an agreement, great, but we need to put something in there that addresses the situation of tracking and locations and find my, you know, find my friends or whatever they call like 360. There are different apps out there, but those are the ones that I hear about.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

So now if you if your child is um, because I'm just thinking about like my kids, yeah. If your children are of driving age and you have live 360 on their phone, um, is that a violation? If like you know, huh?

SPEAKER_03 28:41

Yeah, it can be. And I think what we're gonna see is whether or not the courts will enforce some of it, especially when they're the kiddo, it's the kiddo's device, really, and they're the ones managing it at 15, 16, 17, 18. Yes, you're their parent. Yes, you can do certain things, but how you know, if if the kiddo is the one approving it, and then like, you know, it's like you go with the other parent, then are you supposed to then check their phone every time, but check it every time you get visitation with them to turn it off? You know, yeah, technically, unless there's some sort of agreement, you know, and and like I said, there's there's all kinds of um nuances within the law, so it's specific, but that can be a violation of it um in in certain situations, so it's just fact specific, though.

unknown 29:22

Huh.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Yeah, I just wondered because like I know like with my daughter, uh, my ex-husband has her uh on live 360 on his plan, and I have her on live 360 on my plan. So like both of us always just kind of you know know where she is, but it you know, she's she's 18 and it's really just you know for her for her own safety.

Does Filing First Matter

Two Incomes, Two Households Reality

“Mom State” And Bias Myths

SPEAKER_03 29:41

Well, 18 that might be a different story too. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thankfully, she's probably with on beyond the jurisdiction of uh, you know, being at 18, even if there's some sort of child support, um, still because she's in high school, but that um usually usually will get them out the the custody and contempt situation for the parenting time situation, at least at 18. Um, but yeah, I always just say just check because that law is there's lots of different little parts to it, little exceptions, and you know, one fact pattern might work for some of the people and the other one might you know match the other. So just checking that out. Um, the next one that I have is filing first. I gotta file first. So, you know, we gotta get going, but I gotta do this right now. Now, as we talked about, there's lots of reasons you might want to file, and it may be that you want to file fast. I'm not discounting that, that there are certain situations that you know you're attorney and you need to make that decision. And pros and cons of filing versus doing disillusion and trying to work things out. That's all still applicable. But is filing first the most advantageous? Like, is that is that gonna set the stage? Is that something that we have to do? And the myth, that's a myth to me. Like, that's not something that to me particularly matters. Like, I I know some attorneys might prefer to be like first um in the sense that they get to go first when they're, you know, it's let's say we don't have an agreement, we end up at trial or some sort of hearing, and you know, it's you, you you filed the complaint, you filed first for divorce, and the other person responded with their own divorce. Okay, well, we both still get to go, it's just a matter of who goes first with the testimony. And sometimes attorneys prefer, I guess, to go first. I don't have a preference either way. I've never found it to like make the case. It's not going to like win you something because you got to do it. In fact, maybe even being second, getting to, you know, attack the the witness uh on cross-examination might end up boasting better for a client and be able to show where they're weak on different things might be um some attorney's preference and and probably mine more so too. Um, see what their case is like and see if they've met their burden or you know, whatever, if it's a contempt. Um, and so it doesn't necessarily always mean that you know you're gonna win something or have you know a better advantage in that sense. But a lot of people think that they they think, oh, we just gotta get in there, we gotta be the ones to file. That shows the court. And I'm like, no, like not necessarily. Again, there's exceptions to everything. You know, if if you had a situation where you thought, you know, kiddo was in danger with the other person and you waited to file, sure, that might be where filing first had been advantageous to you. But in general, just filing for divorce just to file it is not necessarily I find it to be a myth and not necessarily something that's applicable. Um, there's a lot of people that get hung up on, you know, well, he paid X, Y, and Z bills. So he should still pay X, Y, and Z bills. But this is like assuming like she moves out, right? We have mom and dad, and mom moves out and gets a separate, you know, rental property, and dad's living in the house. And before dad was paying, you know, for car insurance and health insurance, and let's say, you know, pretty much everything. Well, mom was able to pay, you know, her rental, but she's like, Yeah, but he paid all the utilities and he paid all those things, like phone bill and insurance and stuff. And I'm like, Yeah, but you have to understand there are now two households, right? We had we had two incomes and one household. Now we have two incomes and two households, and so you have to figure out how that's gonna work. And you know, unfortunately, you've got less to work with when you've when you got more expenses, so you just have to stretch that dollar, or there's less savings, or there's less bills that we have to get rid of certain things, you know, maybe cable and internet's not one of them. And so people expect to be able to have that same thing, but they have to live with the reality of, and you probably see that quite quite a bit um when people do separate, that they have to stretch, you know, to figure out how that financially is gonna work. Now, is typically the court gonna say, you know, at least for a temporary order, maybe that there's a status quo, that yes, this is how it was done. Yeah, but then we have to still take into consideration that. So lots of um those things, um, along with that, not just financially, but like, you know, with kids when there's custody and parenting time, it's kind of the same thing. Um, I wasn't gonna pair these together, but like, yeah, well, I, you know, let's say I was, you know, primarily doing all the doctor visits and extra creatures and signing them up for things and doing all these things and spending the time with them and doing the baths and clipping their nails and doing all these things, you know, student teacher conferences. Well, that's great. But again, that was a different situation. Now you guys are living separate. Now there's gonna be a different, you know, maybe he is going to put them on the bus stop, maybe his job is going to change, maybe hers is gonna change, you know. You have to look at the differences, and the court usually is gonna give the benefit of the doubt for at least an initial period of time, even if you were the primary caregiver, um, you know, absent some other situation, and that's where you're gonna talk to your attorney about, you know, your fact specific. But generally speaking, they're gonna still say, yeah, status quo is this, but that's not necessarily always gonna be how it's gonna be. And, you know, maybe for a final order, or maybe even a temporary order, it's gonna be a little different because you went from one house to two, and you've got to realize there's changes, maybe changes in work schedule and changes in income, and maybe the parties are far apart or together close. And so just um being flexible, I guess, more so, and not assuming that that's going to always be the case. You're not going to be able to put them to bed nine, you know, nine times out of ten when that was the case before. Um, so that's a hard one, I think, because when kids get involved, as we know, it it becomes um more emotionally charged and um well, I should say usually more emotionally charged, not always, but that's that's one of them that I see too. The uh last one that I have is it's a mom's date versus it's a, you know, it's definitely a mom's date or it's a dad's rights issue or something like that. Um, we see that quite a bit, and it's been popping up, and I I just kind of giggled to myself I shouldn't, but it it's just it's just not. Um, you know, I know primarily our listeners are probably females, moms, um, that sort of thing, wives, but the fact that when people will comment it's a mom state, I'm like, I do not see that. Like I see about an equal amount. Like I represent both moms, both dads, you know, um, not one or the other specifically, but I don't feel like my dads, for example, have been slighted in the sense that, you know, they're like, well, because you're a dad, this is, you know, no, they wouldn't come out and say that. But like, I don't see that typically happening in the courts, whether it's Franklin, Delaware, Union, Madison. Like, I I feel like it's more based on, again, what the statute is, it's just best interest of the child, right? So like trying to figure out and really getting down to it. And then number one, and then number two, history, um, you know, and history repeats itself usually. So looking at specific facts, but generally speaking, I don't see a situation where it's like it's just because your mom, you're gonna get custody, or just because, you know, your mom, you're gonna get more parenting time. Um, it's usually a situation of like, well, the facts support this or these issues exist in this case that support that. And so you have to look at the reasons beyond just, you know, what the outcome is. I'd be curious to see if there's, um, sure there's some sort of studies done as to like what the outcome is, but then you really have to look at what the basis of that was. And and that's not always spelled out in there. So those studies probably wouldn't be as helpful. But um, I'd just be curious to see if there's anything out there. So, but I see that often on those posts. I'm sure you do too.

Pregnancy Delays Finalizing Divorce

SPEAKER_01 37:07

So oh yeah, oh yeah. Um, yeah, and this like I was just thinking of something. Um, it kind of goes it kind of goes along with this. Um, but uh I guess it's more of a warning, really, is if you become pregnant uh during the divorce, or if you're pregnant when you file, you cannot actually get the divorce final while you're pregnant. And I was gonna say, I'd love your input on this, but I had a client that um it was uh that the one spouse had had an affair and became pregnant with the uh affair partner. Um and so the spouse that wanted that had filed for divorce, obviously because of the infidelity and everything, um, you know, was uh irritated because the divorce couldn't be final until she gave birth because they uh if they had if they had finalized it while she was still pregnant, he would have had to pay child support for a kid that wasn't his. So they had to prove that it wasn't his. So you have to wait until the child is born, do a blood, you know, do the maternity test, and you know, then all of that. So um I'd love to hear, like, have you ever like yeah?

SPEAKER_03 38:26

That's an issue actually more common, I feel like, than is talked about. So I'm glad you brought that up. Um, I remember it's been years now, but I remember I had a I had a client who she they had been living separate and apart, but she I think had an affair and she got pregnant and or um, and I think she ended up having the baby, and then um they they were trying to get divorced during that time, but obviously she was pregnant, so it became an issue and they were waiting till that she had the baby, but then she got pregnant again right away. And so then it was like a nut so it was like a long period of time, and then that also creates other attorneys listening might might understand if there's anyone out there, but that creates more issues in the sense of like the financial things and figuring out how long they've been married, right? So we might have a de facto termination date issue, might have valuation date issues, um, you know, just complicates the issues. But that is something that I remember looking up and researching and trying to get to the bottom because when I became an attorney, it was like, well, yeah, but you can't get it, you you're just not able to get a divorce. I'm like, well, where's that at? Like, what what dictates this and what statute is that? And how do I find that? Like, I've not found anything. Where's the local rule that says they won't do that? And I think what I remember finding was that there's no actual like rule, it's kind of like this unwritten rule, unspoken rule, that you just can't, because in the and the basis of it really came down to who was the presumptive father. And so when you're married, it's presumed that the person you're married to, if you have a baby either within, I think it's like 300 days of the divorce or during the marriage, then it's presumed to be the father of the child is your spouse. And so when it's you know not like you said, then you need to prove that to be able to get out of that. And and they don't want a situation where you get divorced and then there's no one, you know, responsible for that child, and you have to come back to court and reopen the divorce and then get a presumptive father overturned and and all that. So I think that their intent is correct about it, but it's just um silly that there's not an actual law that says that in that sense, but there is a basis for it, and I think it's just grounded in the presumptive father statute and in making sure that somebody, the appropriate person, is on the hook. I'm sure it has to do with too. Like, um, I haven't looked at like the birth certificate and how you know what when when you're allowed to put them on the birth certificate and that sort of thing. So I'm sure um there's something with that, maybe. Like if you're married, are you allowed to put somebody else's? If you know it's not the spouse's, you're supposed to put, you know, the other one, or do you have to leave a blank? You know, I don't know all those rules, but I'm sure with the vital statistics, there's some some sort of regulations there, and that might get wrapped up in it. But yeah, that that creates quite a conundrum when um that happens because it's not a short period, as we all know, about 10 months. So you're you're just waiting and hanging and hoping that you can get going on it. But then, like I said, I had one where she just got pregnant right away again, and I was like, ooh, this is gonna cause an issue, but you just have to wait it out then. So yeah, I've not been successful in getting anyone divorced. I'd be curious again to hear if anybody was able to do that, and if so, how that you know translated in terms of afterwards, what what happens um with the baby's father and the custody and all of that.

SPEAKER_01 41:35

Yeah. Well, and it's interesting because when I was um getting uh when I was going through my divorce, um I had gone to have a consult and uh I had a consult with um several different attorneys just because I didn't know what I didn't know. Um and I wasn't sure how we were gonna go, you know, anyway. Um one of the consults, the gentleman was like, you know, make sure that um, you know, you don't uh that you don't get pregnant while you're going through this process. He was like, unless the cart's already, you know, like uh ahead of the horse or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 42:08

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, like not even dating, not you know, none of that.

SPEAKER_01 42:14

And I thought, wow, like that is really like I thought it was really, I don't know, kind of crass at the time.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

But get the final hearing too. Like, are you with a child? Like, that's in my final little hearing questions. And so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

I know. So I thought it was so weird, but now, like, you know, then after having like my client go through that, it like it came back to me and I was like, wait, that's why. Okay. Because he didn't go further on to explain to me why he was saying that. He just like, don't do this. Like, I just and I was like, Oh, okay, cool.

SPEAKER_03 42:44

Yeah, you're like, that's great, but thanks so much. Yeah, yeah, it's an interesting thing. I remember just being like, Well, where is that at? Like, how does that work? And like, why can't you get? I just couldn't understand then when I figure I'm like, well, that does make sense. Like, then if this is what this law says, then it it follows. But they they just want to try to make sure I think everybody's on the up and up on you know custody and you know, everything with who's on obligations for support and presumptions, and there's lots of different laws there that are involved and don't want to entangle too many people and have to disestablish paternity and you hear about those situations, they get messy. So yeah, see their point, but definitely yeah, no, it makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

But at the time I was just like, What why is it not like that?

SPEAKER_03 43:27

Yeah, I'll have people I forget to tell beforehand, like, I'm gonna ask you, like, are you with child? And they'll just they'll look at me like no, especially when they're older. They're like, uh, obviously, I hope not. Like, what's happening? But it's kind of funny. We get a lot of oh yeah.

Closing Thoughts And How To Connect

SPEAKER_01 43:42

I love it. Excellent. Well, Tara, thank you so much for taking time out of your day and uh going through all of those. Uh, I think that is such amazing information that you provided, you know, because there are a lot of uh myths out there that uh get you know circulated, especially in those moms groups, uh, you know, around uh over social media and stuff like that. And then just word of mouth, you know, like, oh, well, I heard and you know, all of that. So thank you so much for addressing that. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

Yes, absolutely. I'm happy to help. And like I said, always just consult with your attorney or consult with an attorney who does family law so that you know, um, you know, these are just generalizations, um, certainly not giving legal advice here, but that's kind of what my experience has been. And those are the most common ones that I see. So thanks so much for having me, Sarah. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 44:30

Yeah, absolutely. If you are listening and you are like, man, I need to work with Tara, which I do think you need to, um, I will have all of her information uh in the show notes so that you can uh find out how to get connected to her and uh get a consultation and you know, get uh everything moving. Excellent. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, and we will see you next time on Thrive and Decide Guide to Divorce.