Wedding First Looks, Unplugged Ceremonies & Wedding Planners: I Do or I Don’t? (Part 2)

In this episode of Totally Absolutely Engaged, wedding professionals Paul, Isla and Esme are back with Part 2 of I Do or I Don't?, debating some of the biggest wedding trends couples are talking about right now.

From first looks and destination weddings to personalised vows, unplugged ceremonies, matching bridesmaid dresses, signature cocktails and choreographed first dances, the team shares honest opinions, real wedding industry insight and practical advice for engaged couples planning their big day.

Whether you're newly engaged, deep into wedding planning or simply looking for fresh wedding inspiration, this episode will help you decide which wedding traditions and modern trends are right for you.

🎙️ Topics covered:
• First look wedding photos
• Destination weddings
• Unplugged ceremonies
• Personalised wedding vows
• Matching bridesmaid dresses
• Choreographed first dances
• Signature wedding cocktails
• Modern wedding trends for 2026

If you're looking for wedding planning advice, wedding ideas and expert insights from experienced suppliers, this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Totally Absolutely Engaged.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hello.

unknown 0:12

Hello.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

Esme's gonna intro us for the first time today, so she's a little bit nervous, so please bear with her guys, otherwise we will suck her.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

So we're doing part two of I Do and I Don't. Um I'll read out a few bullet points and then Adla and Paul are gonna have it out with each other. Maybe not, maybe they're gonna agree with something. For once? Potentially.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

We didn't agree on much, did we, last time? No. I think we uh was a fifteen last time.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Fifteen, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:39

And we agreed on three. I think three or four of them.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Wasn't many. So yeah, we'll see what they think we'll do.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

See how this goes.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Yeah. Are you ready? I'm ready. First one. First look before the ceremony.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

With who?

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Should we do with the groom? With the groom? We'll do with the groom.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

First look with the groom, okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

First look before the ceremony with the groom. Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

I don't.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

I don't.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Oh, okay. We agree. That's what we agree.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

It's gotta be at the aisle, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Yeah, you that's when you want to see your bride for the first time. I do like the first look so with like Father of the Brides. I do too. Yeah, that I agree with.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

It's a good clip, isn't it? It's quite emotional.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Yeah, and it's good for content creation. Which this again.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

Yeah, I don't know why you wouldn't want the reaction to be seen in front of everybody. Like the groom sees you as well as everyone else seeing you, and everyone looks at the groom as well as looking at you, and it's oh that's so cute.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

That's an easy one, that one. Yeah. First agreement. And the reason we're saying it is because we realised, didn't we, in the last show that we were holding up the signs and that it was a podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

So you audio elisabeth could see what we were holding up.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

So it only works on YouTube. So that's why we're doing that now. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Okay, next one. Matching bridesmaids' dresses. Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

I do.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

Oh. I don't. Okay, explain.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

I only do because I just think it's aesthetically pleasing. Oh, just to say. Just to see. Yeah, I know. But then I know that you're gonna go down the route of, oh, everyone's a different size, everyone's a different shade, blah blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

They literally are. I think it's easier if you've got like two bridesmaids, for example, who are the same build, okay, fair enough, you might be able to get away with matching.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Yeah, twins.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

If you yeah, but if you've got like five, six bridesmaids, some are skinny, some are bigger, some have bigger boobs, some have smaller boobs, bigger bum, well, like anything, they're not all gonna look good in the same dress. Fact of life. No, they're not. And I think it's important for them to feel comfortable as well, otherwise they're gonna be miserable and no. No matching ones. I think what's really nice that's I think most people are doing actually at the moment is like a shade of blue, for example, and the sort of different shades, different styles.

SPEAKER_03 2:55

Do we agree with the same colour? They've all got to be the same colour.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because otherwise then they're just guests.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Yeah, yeah. They're they're all in the same colour, but different shades, different styles.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

Okay. What do you think about that? Um, I feel like you feel very passionate about it, and I'm prepared to argue at this moment.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

Good okay, next one. Destination weddings. Three, two, one. I do.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

I do another agree. Yeah, it's lovely to get married abroad. It's just a shame that you obviously don't get all your family and all your friends because it's a lot to expect of them to pay for it.

SPEAKER_02 3:36

It's trickier to get everyone there. It is, and that's the only reason I wouldn't do it myself.

SPEAKER_03 3:40

Yeah. Is because I'd want everyone there. Yeah, but I mean, if I mean for small families, it's a great, great thing to do, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 3:48

Yeah. And if you're not bothered about having a massive wedding as well, and maybe you want to come back and have like a big party at home with everybody, then there wouldn't be a problem doing it.

SPEAKER_03 3:57

And some and some people don't like the massive wedding, the massive day all about them, do they? They just like to I mean it, you know. It could never be me. Uh but no, I I like the idea of a destination wedding. Same.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

Oh, the one thing that I would say actually about destination wedding is what do you do about the heat? You're in a massive dress, the men are typically in suits, the bridesmaids' dress uh dresses are typically maxi. What do you do about the heat? You are get married in Iceland. Get married in Iceland. You'd just be sweating. Imagine walking down the aisle and like your makeup's just It's gonna all have to be thin material, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Fans, how would you make a wedding dress then? Coolers, maybe you'd have to have like multiple looks, places. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

We'll have to get someone on that does destillation weddings. See what they're taking. See what they say, yeah. That'd be good.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Whole new set of advice, that'd be like Okay, spending over £20,000 on a wedding. Three, two, one I do.

SPEAKER_03 5:01

I yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

£20,000? Okay. And this is fine.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

I mean, I'm not saying that everyone should spend 20 grand, but at the same time, if you've got the money, only if you've got the money, why not have a big blowout? It's up to you, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 5:15

And I just think for a nice venue, you're gonna be I mean, what can you get for less than 20 grand these days unless you're getting married in a barn?

SPEAKER_03 5:24

Maybe the barn. Yeah, maybe the water barn. No, you can get a really you can get a really great wedding, great day planned properly for five, six thousand, really.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Can you?

SPEAKER_03 5:36

Yeah, if you g if I mean I don't I don't want to name certain venues, but if you can get the venue for sort of three thousand, catering thousand. It depends how cheaper is.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I've been looking at bad venues then because I was pricing up where I want to go. Sixteen grand just for the venue. So 20 grand's a venue. That's the minimum. Here I made my notebook.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

I mean, somewhere like the plough, for example, that's that's 3,000 in it.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

I haven't not got a clear.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Or three and a half.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Oh yeah, I mean it was something like that, actually, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

Oh, sorry guys. I take it back.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

There's bargains out there. There is bargains out there, but it's just if you want to go wild, go wild.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Personal choice.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Okay, next one. Unplugged ceremonies. So no phones. Unplugged ceremonies.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Two, one. I do. I don't. Explain.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

I hate being told when I can use my phone. If I want to use my phone, I will use my phone.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

You can imagine what he was like in school, can't you? 100%.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

What happens if a work email comes through?

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Your wedding.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

Ceremony. Yeah. And this is exactly why I'd want number. Because I'm a poor in the crowd like this, answering something about selfie minerals. I'm like, excuse me, I'm going down the aisle now. Fair enough. I just wouldn't want to walk down with everyone like this. Like filming it. Filming me. Videographer, exactly. If I just walk down and everyone's on their phones, and all I'm looking at is Venezuela Fury didn't have an unplugged ceremony, and I was watching her video, and all I could see was people on their phones.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

So it's like musician musicians say that they when they look out into the crowd nowadays, they only see phones recording them instead of people's faces. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

When Ed Sharon's overtake me, actually.

SPEAKER_03 7:27

That does overtake me.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

Well Ed Sheeran told us to put our phones away. Would you have been like, no, Ed.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

I'm keeping mine out. Okay, next one. Buffet instead of sit-down meal. Okay. Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

I don't.

SPEAKER_03 7:47

I'm debating it. I love a buffet. No. I don't think there's a wrong answer here. I am actually disappointed. I think we're allowed one in between here.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

I like a sit-down meal and I think it's good for a wedding day. Some people just don't want that bit. And if you're marrying late, four o'clock.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

I don't know why you'd opt for a buffet over a sit-down meal at a wedding.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Well, it depends on the wedding.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Do you like the idea of it being your first proper full three course meal with your own?

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Yeah, and also this isn't buffet island. It is my wedding day. Like, I don't want to be walking and everyone fingering the same bits of food and kids, well, I won't be having kids at my wedding, but if they're like picking their nose, then touching the chicken nugget. I don't want it, so I'll be having a sit-down meal.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Well, you could do you could have a sit-down meal and then a buffet in the evening. Yeah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

Yeah, I mean that that that's what most people would do. But if if we're talking about are people allowed to have a buffet over a meal, then why not?

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Fair enough. I'm bad in the whole of England. Another stamp. Okay, next one. The couple smashing cake in each other's faces. Okay. Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

I don't. I don't.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

And if he does that to me, divorce immediately. That'll genuinely. I'm not I'm not having that. I've had my makeup and my hair done, and you're getting the cake. Also, expensive cake. And just smashing it in my face. Absolutely not. From a man's perspective, what are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_03 9:23

I just I just don't get why you do it. No, it's cute. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to smash a cake in your face, but good jumbling on your bread then. But bar that, I can't think why we'd waste cake.

SPEAKER_01 9:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

Oh, so it's just about wasting food.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

Not about the makeup, then the face, the dress. Just purely food.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

How about you're insulin?

SPEAKER_01 9:50

You missed a row fat levels.

SPEAKER_03 9:53

That's a whole different shit with that.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Oh. Okay, next one. Having a wedding planner. Three, two, one. Oh. A long pause. Hello. Long pause.

SPEAKER_03 10:10

The problem is, right? Let's just look at the question slightly.

unknown 10:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

A wedding planner where there's already where it's a venue. So or a wedding planner where it's like a marquee in the middle of a field on private land.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

See. Maybe we'll go for venue.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

If it's a venue, then I'm a strong Well not a strong, but I'm an I don't.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Why?

SPEAKER_03 10:34

Because I feel like you've got wedding coordinators. And yeah, I know there's the argument that wedding coordinators are the salespeople too, but on the whole they do go through a lot of weddings, a lot of scenarios, and they know exactly what they're doing.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

A wedding planner's just getting in the way as far as I'm concerned.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

Oh, controversial.

SPEAKER_03 10:53

The only time I think a wedding planner comes into their own is when it's an I do situation, is if it's private land and the family have sort of brought in caterers and they've brought in different suppliers and they've brought in everything. And there's no one to organise. Yeah, you need someone to group it all together and then a wedding planner comes into their own.

SPEAKER_02 11:12

Do you know when wedding planners say that they're there on the day to like make sure everything runs smoothly, from like your experience, do you think that people can just do that with the venue coordinators?

SPEAKER_03 11:20

I think if if you pick a good venue, then yeah, there's good coordinators.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

And that should be included really in what you're already paid in.

SPEAKER_03 11:26

Yeah. I mean, I I mean I'm sure there's many, many stories out there, but there's not for the the venues that have regular weddings every week, not huge disasters. So why would you bring in someone from the outside to manage your own building?

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Okay, I don't. Usually Swede. I was a bit in the middle about that one anyway. I'm not I'm not 100%.

SPEAKER_03 11:52

There is a place for them, but not in the first quick bit of the question. Not all the time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Okay, next one. Signature cocktails. So the couple pick like their favourite cocktail. They have it on the menu. What do you think? Three, two, one. But I don't. Why?

SPEAKER_02 12:12

It's not really necessary, is it?

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Well, I do. And um, yeah, if they've got their favourite cocktail, then why not?

SPEAKER_02 12:20

I think I'm calling it.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

Push it on everybody.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

You will have to. Make everyone have your favourite cocktail. I just think, like, from my perspective, my partner doesn't drink cocktails, so his would be a pint of beer, which is gonna be on my body right. And then mine's like, I mean, I drink everything. Just have a list of cocktails, and I'd say, yeah, I like all of them, so I'd go crazy. Fair enough. So I wouldn't feel the need myself for a signature one. Is that true? Unless you make one, that's kind of cute.

SPEAKER_03 12:49

Yeah, that's what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Is that what it is? You make one. I've been swaying again, I do.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Yeah, your own style, cocktail.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

That's quite cute, actually. And you can name it something and have a little sign.

SPEAKER_02 13:04

I think it just depends how expensive that is. Because I don't think that's really the same.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

And I don't know if we need a sign.

unknown 13:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

It's the random signal.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

How do people know then what what signature cocktail is? We'd just be in a medical.

SPEAKER_03 13:20

We'd just be on the on the table.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

I forgot about the menus. Shouldn't have said the menus. Anywho, moving on. We're all getting new eyes. Okay, next one. Writing your own vows. Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

I do. I do. Yeah. It's just nice, isn't it? It is. If you're able to. Yeah? Because you've got the ones where it's like where they read it out and it's all scripted and you just repeat it.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Yeah, but that's different to vows.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

That's like in a church.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

Is that what you're all about?

SPEAKER_02 13:55

No. That is vows. Is it? You've been watching too much married at first sight. Not everyone reads their own handwritten vows that they've written themselves.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Oh, see, I thought that was like a normal thing. Like you have church vows if you're getting married in a church where you repeat what they say. And then if or you have like what they called registration.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

You tell you, listen to our celebrant episode, can't you? This was all explained. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Listen to Elson if you don't know. Okay, fair enough.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Well, I can think I can think it's more personal, it's nicer. I can say how I actually feel about him, rather than some rando that's met us a couple of times telling me what I think. And I think it's also for richer for poorer, and I'm not saying that.

SPEAKER_01 14:51

Okay, cool. Next one. Matching wedding party pajamas. Paula love that.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

No, you mean for all the bridesmaids and imagine matching with the lads in cover dreams well.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Yeah, if you never know. Okay, three, two, one. I don't.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

Yeah, I mean it's not I don't. I mean, it's not necessary, is it? But it's nice. I think it's nicer for women. I can't imagine many blokes making up with matching pajamas on, but I'm sure Yeah, I see the brides do it. It's nice when they have all the like the dressing gown and they're all getting ready.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

Yeah, I think the reason it's nice is for TikTok videos, photographs. And that's about as far as it goes. I think if you're not into social media and you're not bothered about photos, videos, I don't see the I genuinely don't see the point in them.

SPEAKER_01 15:41

Yeah, fair enough. Unless it's a little keepsake.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

Unless, yeah, unless everyone's like wanting to chip in and keep it it maybe get it embroidered like personalised, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

But then maybe is that just like the bride or the groom could do that? Like a personalised thing that they wear. Yeah. Instead of it being the whole party.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Yeah, I think I think it's borderline a waste of money.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

Yeah. Fair enough. You only do it if you really want to. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Um next one. A choreographed first dance. Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

I don't. I don't.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

You've been agreeing a lot. Why not?

SPEAKER_03 16:22

I just feel it's forced. A lot of the time they can't dance.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

And it's awkward for the crowd to look at the DJ and everyone's looking at each other like, what the hell?

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Oh, but I've seen some cute ones where they like spin around and they lift them up in the air. That's the thing.

SPEAKER_03 16:39

But that's because they work. One out of every thousand work. Yeah. It's the ones that don't work, is the cringing. No, I don't know. I just can't. No.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

I find I think first dances are a little awkward anyway, and when it's choreographed and you literally just have you seen the ones where like the wife does a performance to the husband and like he has to sit and watch them and it's like a flash job. Terrific. It's actually horrific. I hate it. No. To know from me.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Okay, last one. Wedding content creators. Paul, I know you'll have a lot to say. So three, two, one, two.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

I do. I don't. Because you're just riling me up. There's no need for it.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

One, I wanted to disagree with Paul. And two, my argument is if you have a videographer, do you need a content creator? And me personally, I'm having a videographer. Like, where would a content creator come into that? I've got everything captured anyway.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

No, you've got a film of the whole wedding today, haven't you? You haven't got them little moments. The little bits that the guy's not catching.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

VisionWave told us that she can make highlight reels.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

Yeah, but Go on, give us your own. Lisa. Lisa told me. Well, real social moments. Exactly. She catches moments all day. Lots of little 30-second snippets of everyone's reactions and they don't know they've been recorded. So you're getting a natural reaction.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

I do think it's easier for a content creator to capture bits like that because it's not as in your face as like a big camera flash setup. So maybe in those ways it is nice to have those bits.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

And I do I do look, I've always said I w I would have liked to have a videographer. But if you can't afford it, that is a really good substitute.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

I agree with that. I do agree with that.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Good.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

Yeah. I won't argue with you on that point. Yeah, I think if you can't I think videographer first, if it's within budget. And if you can't, I think that's where the content creator comes in. They can work well together, and they have both said that, haven't they? Yeah. But I just think that's a good idea.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

Everyone we've interviewed in them fields have said they can all work together.

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:56

So it just makes sense then, doesn't it, to have one?

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Paul just loves them, all of us. He does. Bear in mind, pre-interview with real socials, you're like, I don't understand what they even do. No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 19:07

She sold it to me, I told you, but I just think it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Another episode to get listened to if you haven't already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, is that everything there? That's everything.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Yeah, is that it for this one?

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Yeah, nice and we have you've got another maybe 15 to go.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

15 to go.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Oh, right. If you want more opinions, give it a like.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

Don't miss it. Right, so we'll have another episode then on this, will we? Yeah. Perfect. Well, I look forward to it, guys.

unknown 19:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

And we will see you all next week.