How to Write Your Memoir with Guest Lisa Marks

It’s one thing thinking about telling our story, and quite another to actually do it – to put pen to paper.

So if creating your life legacy is on your ta-dah list, then this episode is just for you.

Join my guest Lisa Marks - writer mentor, journalist and author of Ryan Is Ready for You Now – and me as we explore why Midlife is a great time to find our voice, and how to overcome our inner critic’s excuses from “I'm not interesting enough” to “I’ve not got time”.

Lisa shares how being part of a writing circle is about far more than words – it can bring life-changing connection and community.

Tune in too for star-studded anecdotes and inspiration from Lisa’s red carpet days in LA.

And don’t miss Lisa’s practical advice and powerful proven tips that will help you unleash the joy of storytelling. 

Connect with Lisa

https://lisamarksmedia.com/

https://www.instagram.com/lisamarkswrites/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-marks-a8ab413b/

Ryan is Ready For You Now is available to buy on Amazon https://amzn.to/3j48DZ1

EXCLUSIVE OFFER! Midlife Unlimited listeners can get a 15% discount on a block of five 60-minute private mentoring sessions with Lisa by following this link. https://lisamarksmedia.com/midlife-unlimited-exclusive-offer/

And for Lisa's Seven Unmissable Memoirs click the above link too. 

From Blank Page to Memoir, Lisa's online memoir writing course for beginners is now booking for September. Small groups, personalised support. Find out more here:

https://lisamarksmedia.com/writing-workshops/

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it like it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So, welcome to today's episode. Now, we talk a lot about telling our story here on Midlife Unlimited. Ripping off that mask, as I just said, and unleashing the real us on the world. But it's one thing to talking about telling our story, and quite another to actually do it. To put a pen to make paper or fingers to keyboard. Now, if creating your life legacy is on your to da list, then this episode is just for you because I'm calling in the expert. And I'm delighted to be joined by my guest today, Lisa Marks, writing mentor, journalist, and author of Ryan is ready for you now to talk about how to write your memoir. So welcome, Lisa. It's fabulous to have you here. Well, it's wonderful to be here. I couldn't be more excited. Well, this it's almost like the first line of a joke. What do you get if you put two journalists on the same podcast? And we're gonna find out today because there are gonna be lots of stories. I I won't be sharing any of mine. I'm I'm after yours, I'm all about it. It's so exciting. The title of your book, The Starters, I want to find out more. But we talk about finding our voice, don't we, in midlife? And I think actually thinking about just how fabulous we are and what we've achieved is such a big part of that, isn't it? And memoir is the next logical step.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Well, it's it's huge, really. If you think it's it's a win in itself just to get to this stage of life, I feel. I'm just I'm just like constantly cheering myself on uh every day because I just feel like look, look at you, you've got here. Um, I'm 57 now. I had to think about that.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

I've just you know, I have the other day in the lead up to my birthday. Listeners, this is a true story. I actually forgot how old. I couldn't remember if I was 56 or 57. And I actually Googled, if I'm born on this day, how old am I?

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Well, I mean, the thing is, you know you're old when, dot, dot, dot, when it actually takes you a while to remember how old you actually are. But I think, particularly for women, getting to this stage of life is, as I say, a win and a wonderful time which to reflect and you know, look back on what you've done, the wins, the the maybe the the conquests, uh, the chaos, maybe, and uh and just take stock of it all because I think that there's a shift, there's definitely a shift that I'm noticing uh in in the clients that I work with and and the cohorts that I create with my memoir writing um courses, that specifically from I would say 40 plus, uh women start to change in terms of how they view life and you know how they actually go through their life from you know day to day.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

No, absolutely, and already I've got so many questions bossing around my mind. Big surprise there. And I'm delighted later on you are going to be sharing your insights, your top tips for taking that initial step for going from idea to actually starting to make it happen. But I think one of the first big things that is floating into my head is the idea that could be a potential stumbling block, and this will lead nicely into your story as well. And not everyone's story is as incredibly varied as yours, but we all have our own little things that we've done. It's that I'm not that interesting, and I jokingly say it when I when I now I've overcome the whole idea of fear of judgment and what other people will say, but this is flipping it on its head, really, isn't it? Because it's like saying, Well, actually, yeah, I may not have climbed Everest, I may not have won the Eurovision Song Contest. I don't know why that sprung into my head, but I am every little minute win or lose that I've had, it is interesting and it will be of interest to someone else. Because that's the whole ethos of Midlife Unlimited as well. We are that interesting, aren't we?

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah, I mean, and also surely some oversight that you weren't selected for Eurovision this year. I just don't understand what's going on there. But you would you might get some points if I do. Exactly, exactly. Maybe next year. There's always next year. Yeah. But yeah, I think also I think that exactly that. Basically, what we're doing is we we've learned stuff. We've learned stuff. We haven't learned everything, we haven't got it right, we haven't perfected everything. Absolutely not. But and I always again, because when people come to me, it's because they don't know where to start, they don't know how to get through the middle bit, they don't know how to get to the end. And I always say, you know, especially with the end, you don't have to wrap it up in a bow because this is life. So, yes, you can share your hard-won wisdom. And, you know, a lot of the women I work with have been through some extraordinary experiences, you know, some extraordinarily traumatic, um, and you know, some not so much, but and and some absolutely uh beautiful things. But often I think um with memoir, people try to wrap everything up, and here's what I've learnt, and off we go, and everything's fabulous. And of course, that's not life at all, but you can definitely share what you've done up to that point, and that's valuable.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Absolutely, and I think there's something rather fabulous about this messy middle bit where we're still very much on the journey, and I'm all about the journey, I really am. And I think maybe as well, because I say it's not it's not something that I obviously I I've made no secret now that Midlife Unlimited, the book, is in progress, but still that's not my memoir, that's me sharing other women's voices, one of which obviously is going to be yours. But I think when it comes to writing our own story, is there a sense of it almost being cathartic, perhaps to a certain extent? You know, kind of laying it all out there, letting it all flow.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Yeah, definitely. It's very cathartic. It's also in in some ways like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders, and I and I hear that a lot as well as you know, women get into the process and men as well. I actually have male clients as well, and not discriminatory in any way. No, no, no. It's it's like a it's a release almost. It's like thank goodness I found a way to process this. I'm letting all this stuff out. Um, you know, the floodgates have opened, and especially if you're being, and I really hate, I feel like this word's overused uh in so many ways, authentic, but it is true, you know, if you can be honest with what you're sharing and and in your writing, suddenly there's a breath you can exhale, and you know, I I see that a lot. It's like, thank goodness I've got that out of me. It's almost, you know, like it was fighting to get out like the thing in alien. That's oh yeah, good.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

I say as one journalist to another, it is blinking sad that authentic has been hijacked. I really feel that because I can never think of an alternative. But I think the other thing, obviously, we are gonna go on to your insights and and tips once we've explored your story. But I think that is the thing, isn't it? It's your story, yeah, it's not anyone else's story, so it's an actual opportunity where you can tell your story and you haven't got anyone else going, oh well that's wrong. No, no, no. I was there. Whether the view that you've got of your story is the same as uh Joe Blogg's version, it won't be because we know that we all have a different viewpoint, but this is our life as we've lived it, haven't we?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Yeah, haven't we haven't been? No, absolutely have. Um, but interesting you say that because one of the things I also find is that a lot of women find the process initially, uh, until they talk them out of it, to be self-indulgent. Suddenly you're doing something that's just for you, and of course, a lot of women don't get that uh, you know, uh that sort of gift often to do something that's that's for them. So that's one. And the other thing is how it's going to affect other people if they read it.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

That's a good point. If they're unpacking a lot of stuff, that's a very good point.

SPEAKER_01 9:01

Yeah, so there's there's those two, but of course, if you're telling, and again, I hate to sound all like this, your truth, um, then you you are probably going to upset somebody along the way, and um ultimately, you know, I always say you you can't think about that, because this is this is your story. You have a right to tell your story in the way you see it, and if somebody else has got a problem with that, they can tell their side of it. Um, but but often, you know, women especially find it very, very self-indulgent, and you know, it's it's that is often a block, as is what will other people think. I think if you can get past those two things, then suddenly you're into the process, and you know, the again it starts to flow a little easier. And that is something that I do in my roles as a mentor, writing mentor, is to shepherd people people and especially women through that particular phase of of memoir writing.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Because it means storytelling. I mean, when we had our little pre-chat, you you mentioned of course you're absolutely right. Since the dawn of time, the power of storytelling has underpinned what it means to be human, really, isn't it? I mean, I don't know if elephants tell stories to each other, perhaps they do, but you know, the whole idea of gathering around the fire, telling stories, using I mean, way before even uh proper religions were established, storytelling was always there. It was always a way to explain things, wasn't it? To explain what was happening, to abate our fears, perhaps as well. So, so powerful.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Yeah, and it's also a way to build an a community. Yeah. And it brings people together, you know, that support, um, you know, it's empowering, and you know, and people learn from it. So if you can tell stories, and if you think about entertainment, entertainment is generally just people telling stories, whether it's in a movie, in a song, stand-up comedy, all it is is people coming together and sharing that common experience and having you know the community of story. And you know, I run writers' groups, and um the network has grown and grown and grown over the last two years since I I started uh the most recent writers' group. And I sat, I was I was sitting there one day and we were around the table, and there was uh a lot of us, uh nearly everyone had turned up for the session, and it was absolutely amazing. Everyone was laughing and joking and sharing things, and I just sat there and thought, I've built community. This isn't this is as much about bringing people together around a table and sharing stories as it is about writing their novel or their memoir or poetry or whatever it is they're doing. Um, and you know, it's very healing.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

I'm gonna take you back a bit now because I I get a sense that you're like me. Whenever people say, Oh, why why did you want to become a journalist? And for me, it literally was in my blood telling stories and writing. And I I get the impression that the young trainee journalist Lisa was very much like the young trainee Kate.

SPEAKER_01 12:07

That's so funny. I've I've always written as you know, as soon as I could hold a pen, I I've or a pencil, you know, I'd be writing. But I think ultimately, because I I I was a journalist, I was a training journalist on the Evening Echo, the South End and Basledon Evening Echo, and uh and it was wonderful. And we're talking about I joined the paper in January 1987. I was the youngest ever trainee, by the way. Yes, I was I was seven. Um and uh surely not. Surely not and I I was quite shy as well, and I and I think I realized in myself that if I didn't push myself out of my comfort zone, I never would. Uh, but I was also very curious. So I've always had this slight push-pull. Not quite as shy anymore, I have to say, but you know, I think our age, you know, helps with that. Um, and also the experiences I've had. But I was desperate to write and desperate to find out a little bit more about the world, and that seemed to be the ideal solution was to go and join the local paper, and it was an absolutely brilliant experience.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah, and it led to quite a few things, didn't it? Because I love that was it from Leon Sea to LA. Yeah, yeah. How? How? Was it quite? I mean, obviously, you've worked on amazing title, you know, UK newspaper titles and go on. Yeah, spill spill the tea. Spill the tea.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

It didn't it didn't happen immediately. It wasn't like I stepped out of the evening echo in 1988 and was suddenly in Los Angeles. Um I ended up moving from the paper to working on teen mags. So I did I I I worked on Just 17 and other I was a finalist in the Just 17 face of the year when I was 14. Oh that meant that b basically makes you a bigger celebrity than anyone I've ever interviewed, Kate. Well, yeah, there you go. I might have to get your autograph. That's amazing. Um, and I remember it was it was so thrilling. Their offices were in Carnaby Street, and but you know, they were sort of you had to walk up a rockety old staircase, and it was this sort of office, and it was just full of junk and excitement, basically. And you know, the first person I think I interviewed was was Kylie Minogue on the phone. And um I just thought I've I've made it. Um, I had a short break after that because I had spinal surgery, which was a whole other thing, and sort of took me out of um uh work for about three years. But I got back into it and I ended up working at a magazine called Big, which is a teen magazine, a little bit like TV hits, and uh that's it. And I and I picked up my career for there, and from there I moved to women's magazines, and I ended up um as a showbiz launch editor on Now magazine, which people might remember. A lot of the magazines I worked on now don't exist anymore, which is which is a shame. Like 19 and looks and all sorts. Um and then I ended up as a commissioning editor at The Mirror on their TV mag, always in entertainment, always that sort of celebrity TV movie world, because I was just really interested in pop culture, it was just something that interested me. I never really wanted, I mean, I had highfalutin' ideas of being a political correspondent, you know, or K A D, but of yeah, I'd have been rubbish to be honest. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

I think it is, and I say it's so fast moving as well, isn't it? And it ev everyone's got a favourite, or everyone's wants to know because we're living vicariously to a certain extent, aren't we? You know, sometimes if our lives are feeling really dull, the first thing you want to do is forget the front pages, the depressing bit. You want to go straight to the celebrity, the entertainment, because that is the escapism.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Oh my god, 100%. And also back in the 90s, which is really, you know, when all that happened, celebrity culture was huge. You know, it's almost in a way gathering speed. We had Brit Pop, we had the Spice Girls, we had all that going on.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

And we had none of the whole internet social media that we have now. So that's your pages were the go-to. Yeah, that's where you got the gossip and the inside info.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

Yeah, it was really, it was, it was really exciting. I remember working on Reveal magazine when it when it just launched, you know, that doesn't exist anymore. Um, and then so then I was at the mirror, and then I sort of decided that I wanted to do something a little bit different. So I ended up uh Media Guardian, which was you know slightly different, but of course, they used to put me on on all the sort of TV stuff and everything sort of stepped very much in my wheelhouse. And at that point, I just thought I'd I'd sold a couple of film scripts, I'd optioned um a couple, and you know, nothing had actually happened. I had itchy feet, you know, there was nothing really wrong, but I just felt like again the curiosity got the better of me, and I thought I think I need to do a little bit more, I just want to go and explore the world a little bit. So um The Guardian sponsored my visa, and I well, I just went and asked. I mean, you could do that in 2006 or whatever it was 20 years ago, to the film manager and go, could you sponsor my visa to Los Angeles? And uh then I'll write a column for you about um my life trying to uh make it in the film industry. And they went, Yes, of course, and you can do other things for us as well. And I, you know, I wrote for other outlets while I was out there and covered the film junket circuit, which is essentially, you know, a junket is where they place a very famous person who's promoting a movie and then wheel 200 journalists pass them very quickly. So you get everybody gets a little bit of something. And uh, you know, I spent a lovely few years at the the Beverly Hills Hotel and the four seasons in Beverly Hills, just sitting there, you know, sort of passing time with whoever it might be. I don't know. There were so there were so many people.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

What did it feel like when you first landed, though? Did it feel completely different? Because obviously London had a really fabulous vibe as well. But was it because didn't someone say you one of your friends thought you might get shot while you were out there?

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Yes, I was told two things. Uh I was told I wouldn't make any friends because it was very difficult to make friends abroad, and I would get shot if I moved to Los Angeles. So um both wrong, made lots of great friends who I still speak to regularly to this day, and thankfully never got shot once, never, never actually even was close to being shot. So that was good. Um, but it was it was a great experience for me. I immediately signed up to something called Writer's Boot Camp, and I was working on my scripts as well as doing all the other uh bits and pieces for all the the mags and the newspapers, and I just found it very freeing. It was a very different place to be back then. Again, this is pre-iPhone, pre-Instagram. There was, you know, if pre-selfies. Pre-selfie. If I, you know, when I went to find somewhere to live, I had to use something called Craigslist, which was, you know, a notice board where it you've you know you found, you know, mirrors or cars or places to live or whatever, um, or dates, I think, as well. It was like a bit of a sort of thing.

SPEAKER_00 19:07

I was gonna say I've heard slightly dodgy things on Craigslist as well.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Again, I don't know if I was just very lucky, but I never there was nothing. I I bought a lovely mirror, that's why I said mirror. I remember this lovely mirror that I bought off an actress. Um, and you know, I went out there and I just suddenly was um in the middle of this incredible community. And actually, the first week at Writers Boot Camp, which was in Santa Monica, I drove there myself. I was terrified, it was only a 10-minute drive uh in a this old Ford Taurus that had no air conditioning. And um, I got there, and it was a Nancy Myers, who's the director of the writer director, Nancy Myers, as good as it gets, and you know, she's written a lot of stuff. And it was an evening with her, a panel, and I sat next to this girl and she said, Do you want to join my writers' group? And I went, Oh, I've never, never, never thought about doing that before. And so she said, Yeah, we meet at the Writers Guild West in Hollywood in the Billy Wilder Library. I just was like, Could that be more Hollywood? And uh it was absolutely and I went, Yes, of course I will. So I ended up driving into Hollywood for the first time to go to this writers' group, ended up meeting a friend there who is still a great friend that I speak to almost weekly. Um, and from there I decided to start my own writers' group when I was out there and uh brought together this incredible bunch of women, and we met every Monday night at my house for about two years.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

I love that. Yeah, just go and do it.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Well, I know that the people listening are gonna be like, we need the tips, we need the tips, but no, indulge me, listeners, indulge me, because the first question I want to ask, I'm still I'm getting starstruck just talking to you a bit because it's lovely to meet famous people, I find it quite intriguing. I but did you get that tongue tied? Or was it just like it's today, it must be Jennifer Aniston? It's too you know, because oh yes, yes, listeners. Rachel was one of them.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

Yes, she was, she was. Um, she had amazing skin, just was the sort of colour of honey. I still remember. Yeah, golden, golden, yeah, just a lovely aura. Uh, all the friends, I did all the friends actresses, I did Lisa Coudreau and Courtney Cox, and they were all lovely. Um this is the thing. When you're interviewing a celebrity, it's a job. Yeah, I hate to bring it back to, you know, you've just got to keep your eye on the prize. And of course, you can be a little bit starstruck. You know, I was a huge fan of Hugh Jackman, and because he was in musical theatre, which I also love, yeah. Um, and I I interviewed him one morning very early, and I was singing Sunset Boulevard. He does this great rendition of Sunset Boulevard, and I actually was so excited to meet him. I entered the room at the suite at the hotel singing Sunset Boulevard, and he gave me a little round of. Applause and the the publicist who was there was like, Oh no, she's a nutcase, I'll stay. And he went, No, no, I'll be fine with this one. I can handle her. And he was really lovely. We had a great chat. Do you know what?

SPEAKER_00 22:11

For him, that was probably a wonderful breath of fresh air because I do hats off to them. The fact they're having the same five-minute if that conversation again and again. And they I know they're paid for it. I know it's their job, they're being paid millions, they want their film or book or whatever to be a massive hit. But it must be a bit of tough. Imagine if I mean I've never got married, but I imagine a bride at the end of her wedding day, her little face must be aching from smiling and being jolly. And it must be the same for them, mustn't it?

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Yeah, it's it's a lot, it's a lot, and then especially if they're in a huge bubble. So I interviewed the Twilight Actors. I don't that was huge at the time.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

I know, I've never seen it, but I it was I think I I was a bit young for it, and my son just wasn't really into that, but I I know it was is it Pat Patton's?

SPEAKER_01 23:02

It was Rob Patterson, um uh uh what's her name? Uh Chris Kristen Stewart, Kirsten Stewart, I can't even remember her name. Yeah, the actress's name. And um and the other guy, oh gosh, Taylor, someone, oh Lautner, that's it. Gosh, my memory's going. Anyway, huge, huge, huge, there were there were fans outside the hotel, the security, the security was insane. And um I think it was Kristen Stewart, I don't think I'm saying that wrongly now. That's about right. Um, she I interviewed her, and in the room with us was a bodyguard who did actually have a gun, funnily enough, and I'd never seen that before because their security had to be so tight that and you know, I know people imagine that they're living these wonderful lives, but actually that's I looked at that and thought this is not a great situation. And you know, now that uh that's you know 20 odd years ago, so things have changed for them. But always you look and go, it's not exactly what you think it is. Um, and you know, oftentimes I'd be like, oh gosh, I don't know how your your you know, they're part of a machine, uh especially with a junket. It is, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 24:15

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Not not necessarily selling your soul, but there there are yeah, you you're on a conveyor belt, really. It is, it is become a product, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

But within that, I think as as as the journalist in the room, you can there's ways of uh you know, making people feel comfortable and being a little bit more yourself, so it's not you know, I saw a lot of journalists being incredibly rude to people. I mean, I was just it really opened my eyes to how people did their jobs because it's certainly not how I did it. Um but I'd always make an effort to, you know, sort of smile as I walked in the room and just be a bit more. I I remember once interviewing um Adrian Brodie, who everybody said, Oh, he's very, you know, that name was serious. He was in, I think was it the Pinamist?

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Yes, I know quite sort of you know serious unloved, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Yeah, actor and um Grand Budapest Hotel, all that.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

That's it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

And I I was the last interview of the day, and stupidly and top tip, I'd worn new shoes, never wear new shoes when you're going to speak because I just wanted to look nice. Uh by the time I kind of crawled into the suite because I could barely walk, I the first thing I said to him was, Do you mind if I take my shoes off? They're absolutely killing me, and I don't think I can do an interview in the shoes. And he went, That's a great idea. I'm gonna take mine off too. And so we ended up on the sofa, opposite ends of the sofa, you know, barefoot, having this really lovely, comfortable chat. And I was like, Well, he was a really nice guy, and that was that worked out really well.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

But you know, but it is the old icebreaker, isn't it? Yeah, you know, at the end of the day, you're two human beings, yeah. And you want to get the best out of each other, yeah, because that makes it a win-win situation. Life's too short for being rude or for being a loof or uh well but before we go into the top tips, because I know there's going to be loads and so many, and the listeners are gonna be like, come on, Kate, come on, Kate. Your book not necessarily your I mean, obviously you mentioned screenplays and but Ryan will see you now. Now, is this your memoir? And Ryan. Which Ryan?

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Oh, there's so many. It's like there's a plethora of irons in the world these days. Is it is it notebook? Ryan is ready for you now. So this was my I'm going to keep I'm going to keep you dangling for a moment. Yes. You're on a dangle. Um I people when I came back from LA, especially, people were asking, who was the worst person interviewed? Who was the best person, you know, who smelt nice, um, and all that kind of thing, who swore the most. Um, and I just thought, do you know what? I think I need to get this down. But actually, I don't just want to write a series of celebrity anecdotes. That's boring to me, and I don't care enough to do that. So I decided to write a memoir that was uh really charted my life from being a trainee journalist, you know, a little bit before that, where the interest came from, from the local paper onwards. You know, the first person, the first celebrity I ever interviewed was Donnie Osmond in 1987, I think it was, or 88. Um what was he doing in South End? Yeah, well exactly. That's a really good idea.

SPEAKER_00 27:34

Did he know what he was doing?

SPEAKER_01 27:36

I think it was in Donnie's fallow years. It was he was having a bit of a down, it was on a bit of a downswing, I think. So I turned up at the local bookstore, me and the photographer, and there were two sort of middle-aged ladies with scarves with Donnie uh and the Osmonds on, and he'd he didn't he didn't really like he knew he sort of knew where he was. And I remember leaving the office at the time because I went, I've never interviewed a snow, I don't know what to do. And I remember my news editor saying to me, he went, just ask him uh if he's really happy to see the peer because we have the world's longest pleasure pier in South End at a mile and a quarter. Um it's a good headline.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Donnie says he loves our peer.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Yeah, it was literally, and I said to him, Are you looking forward to seeing South End Pierre? And he went, Oh yeah, sure. And I was like, that was it, that was the story. I mean, I didn't I can't remember if I got anything else out of him. So I just thought I just want to, and also, you know, how you used to do research, you used to have to go to the library at the paper, you know, things were on a microfiche. I'm not even going to go into what a microfiche is, just it's you know, it's in the paper. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

Sorry, mirror. We had it, it was a broadsheet, we had them all like held together with a with a wooden bracket, and you were down in the basement. Listeners, I'm actually gesticulating now, opening pages and pages, like going back 70 years worth of papers. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

So honestly, it it you try and explain it now to anybody under the age of 30, and you just sound like a Brontosaurus or something of print. And uh so so there was all that, and I thought that's worth, and then even the 90s stuff where you know, even back then, no internet, you couldn't just Google anything. You know, when on Big Magazine, we used we used a cutting service called Tassiemka, and you'd have to phone Tassiemka, who yeah, I thought this was a big media organization. It turns out it was a woman called Edna Tassiemka working out of her home in North London, you know, and just collecting um you know cuttings of stuff, and then they'd send them over and you'd have to, you'd use them, photocopy them, and send them. I mean, honestly, the whole thing is crazy. So I thought I'm gonna chart that because I think it's worth it. But also, Ryan is ready for you now is also a how-to. It's really about how to be a celebrity journalist, and it's the lessons, and it goes from getting the brief from your editor through to doing your research. You know, I'm a big proponent of doing your research, yeah, um, to walking in the room, making eye contact to what it happens when it goes wrong, how to work the red carpet, around table, uh press conference, and you know, write the story and you know, peeling back the layers and all that kind of thing. So, um, and then the third angle to the story was am I going to interview, get to interview the person that everyone was talking about and still is all these years later, Ryan Gosling. I'm doing my Ryan Gosling voice because the last interview I did before I left to come back to the UK was Ryan Gosling. I got there just under the wire. And uh it was very brief. It's still on the Guardian website, it was for Gangster Squad. You can hear me giggling like an idiot, uh like a squirrel. Um Mr. Gosling. Very dare you. Um, and he's he's in a Christmas jumper and he smelt very nice, and that was it. And uh anyway, so that's uh that was it. But yeah, I did I thought Ryan would sort of fall off a bit, but no, he's uh I think I think he's gonna stick around for for a long time. Even Timothy Chalamet hasn't replaced him.

SPEAKER_00 31:02

Yeah. That's it. The talent goes beyond it's not about being a cute face, is it? You've got to stand the test of time. You've got to have a bit of talent, a bit of talent. Like I'll take what you know. I'm glad you said that because I was about to. Now, we're gonna go into your top tips now. And the first one, it seems to be I like a bit of a segue. I just use the word talent. Do we have to be? Obviously, you and I have got years of writing under our belts. Do you find that the men and women that you help nurture is a potential stumbling block? I've never written anything, I can't write, what do I write, where do I start? Does the whole idea of taking it from what's in our brains and our hearts and actually putting it into words does that scare them to start with?

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Yes, is I'm gonna that yes, it does. But but um I was at a social event recently with 40 people in a room and I took them through a writing exercise, and these are people that don't write. And uh by the end of the evening they'd written a uh an anecdote of their life, a memory. They'd they'd found a memory and we had turned it into a story. And I remember at the end of the evening I had a guy come up to me, he must have been in his 60s uh maybe younger, sorry, if you're listening. Um and he said, I've never done anything like this, and I've just written a story. So with a bit of encouragement and a few, you know, trips and uh tips and tricks, I don't know what I'm saying there, you can do it, but I understand the fear because uh it's a huge undertaking to write a book. So for a start, you don't really uh let's not think about that immediately.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

No.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Um if you haven't written at all, and this is this is actually an extra tip, I don't even think this is my my my tip list, I would start journaling and just noting down your thoughts and memories, that kind of thing, you know, what you notice out the window. Um but it is once you once I start working with somebody, it's easier to start building on their memories. And and it's amazing once uh they start writing a little bit, how the confidence grows. So, no, you don't have to be a writer, but it would be good if you could start writing a little bit. So, my advice would be if this is you and you're thinking about it and you're not already writing, because a lot of people are, is to go and buy yourself a nice post journal, make it a special one, not just you know, any old thing, not don't write it on the back of a shopping list or something, and just start noodling around with that.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

I love the idea, and also it's kind of a really good way to start finding, and we've said about finding your voice, but it's finding your tone as well, because the way we write isn't necessarily the way we speak, but we've all got very personal ways of how we use language verbally, and I think it does reflect in the way we write when we're writing about things very personally. I don't mean writing a business report, but we that's the thing, isn't it? It's like, oh god, I've got to write a presentation, I've got to write a report, I've got to do this, or we think, gosh, at school when we had to write essays or university, there was always pressure, pressure, pressure. And this is like taking a different stance at the whole idea of writing, isn't it? It's kind of we're not under a time pressure, we're not having the boss on our back, we're not doing it for big bucks, we're doing it for love, really.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

Yeah, I mean, I think with things like tone and you know, that you know, the the narrative, I think that stuff like that's a little bit more uh complex. Not not too much, that's the sort of thing that I teach on my course. But I think when you're starting, you don't have to think about that. And I always say if somebody's stuck and they don't know what to write about, I always go with what's the memory that's most clear or what's the most fun? Because generally there's going to be something that you're gravitating towards. So, yes, tone is important. And are you writing in first person, third person? Is it a hybrid mix of all of that? Is it don't worry about any of that to start with. You just don't, just just go with the energy, go with the flow energy. And don't give yourself more barriers because we already have barriers in terms of life, whether it's you know, children, parents, work, you know, our other hobbies, keeping fit, whatever. That all those things will get in the way, you know, going and doing the weekly shop will get in the way of writing. So don't give yourself any more barriers to start. So, you know, just just start with the fun thing or the thing that you that is most pressing. There's there's going to be something. If you're thinking about writing a memoir, there's a reason.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

No, absolutely. Absolutely. I think I actually, the more you say that and explain, Tone, I think I'm using the wrong word. What I meant more was don't try and uh write like someone else. Just just just be natural. Right.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

When I was younger, Kate, I'm going to admit this to you and your listeners. I'm sorry, no one's listening, don't worry. No one's listening. Just just just you and me. Just you, just us. Uh, I sat down to write my great literary novel. And yes, because I thought that I could be the next Isabel Alendi and write Eva Luna or House of the Spirits. Now it turns out, shockingly, that I'm not. Oh. And uh Who knew? Who knew? 22-year-old me did not. Uh 57-year-old me just laughs. Um you you you don't need to be anybody else, you don't need to try and write in any way. Again, that is putting up a barrier. You just need to write what comes out. Is that a good sentence? I don't know. But you just need to see what happens. If you've got something in you, and if this is something you want to do, just start writing. It really doesn't matter how. Everything can be edited afterwards. Everything, you know, everything can be proofread, edited from you know, a line edit, or you know, there's there's so many ways that you can deal with all of that afterwards. But if to start, just start.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

No, that's that's really I like the word you just use obviously edited. And I think as you say, if we if we start writing but then start editing as we're doing it, we might miss something, mightn't we? We might say, well, actually, no, we or the old, oh no one's gonna be interested in that bit. But perhaps the flow. Do you encourage that just to let the pen flow?

SPEAKER_01 37:51

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, oftentimes when I'm working with with everyone, men, women, it actually doesn't matter, they will always put some kind of barrier in place. And the thing is, is to just encourage people to just sit down and see what happens. What it really helps, and this is actually one of one of the tips that I was going to share, was that you um need to establish a writing habit and a s and a space in which to write. Now that that helps you to find continuity. And by a writing space, I don't mean you need, you know, a wonderful room of my own, like you know, Virginia Wolf.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

Shed like rolled up.

SPEAKER_01 38:32

Or shed like rolled up. You can sit, I've sat and written in the car. You know, I have, you know, you will often see me walking around the on-sea talking to myself.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

I'm generally you know, Joanna Page, she wrote most of her book in the car because it was the only space she'd leave the kids with her husband and literally go and sit in the car for a bit.

unknown 38:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

I know um a lot of the women I work with are mums, they've got kids, they will sit and write while they're waiting for them as they're swimming or doing ballet or whatever. So there's that. It's it's finding a way. So I think they've initially it's finding a way to um it's a cue. It's almost like right, the kids have gone in, this is where I get my notepad out, or I talk into my phone and I use a transcription app or whatever you're doing, or voice notes, something like that. Um, and then with the writing space, if you've got a space at home, gang necessarily, but even if it's just a chair, an armchair by the window or wherever, you'd go, right, when I'm in this chair, this is what I do, and then just see what comes out because it can all be, as you we've said, edited, but you just need to give yourself permission to start.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

So, how do you tend to put literally put pen to paper, or are you a keyboard person or voice notes or whatever takes your mood?

SPEAKER_01 39:45

Yeah, usually I like to write in motion. I do a lot of thinking in motion, so when I'm swimming, so I live down by the seaside, especially at this time of the year. I'm swimming, I do a lot of my thinking while I'm swimming or walking. Um, I will use I don't tend to sit at my desk desk because that to me denotes work. So I will take my laptop and I will sit almost anywhere else but at my desk, or it often in a coffee shop. Um there was a cafe here that had a writer's salon for a couple of hours every Sunday morning, and people would turn up who were writing. We'd all just sit there and it would just be this nice community of writers. Um my local bookshop where I hold my writers' groups here. Uh I will go in there sometimes and write. Um, I will write, as I say, I will just walk around talking into my phone and look like an absolute lunatic. It's fine, I don't care, I enjoy it. And then sometimes I use my notebook. It's a it's a bit of a mix of I've so I've constantly got a notebook, I've got my laptop or I've got my phone. You know, I'll never not be able to get something down if you know inspiration strikes.

SPEAKER_00 40:50

Now you just used a word there, and it's been a real thread of our conversation, which I've loved. Well, you knew I was going to because I'm I'm a writer and I just love everything about it. Community. Yeah. And I I really feel that obviously we're beginning share details of how listeners can find out more about working with you. All your details are in the show notes, and you've got your guest profile, but the communities you're creating do sound rather special.

SPEAKER_01 41:17

I have to say it's been the the biggest gift to be honest for me. And just for a moment, just to turn it on myself, because I think I needed that. You know, I was in Los Angeles, very creative uh city, and I was doing a lot of stuff there. Obviously, I was a lot younger, had a lot more energy, Kate, than I have now. But post-COVID, everything, you know, it was a bit flat and a bit like, what are we doing now? And well, where is everybody? And you know, it's sort of everyone went to ground a bit, didn't they? And you know, things changed a lot. And for me, creating the writers' groups, the the in-person written writers groups, um, it was one, then it was two, now it's three, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't think I can do many more. Um, although I'd love to, I could do a writer's group every day, I think. But for me, it was the bringing bringing together just incredible people who want to create, want to write, want to process, are interested in art, no, not just books, but everything. We have discussions about everything. Um, last year my mum fell and broke her leg, and it was an incredibly difficult time, and then she got sick again with a with a blood infection that was really dicey. And the through line for me, apart from my wonderful friends, was the writers' groups. And yeah, I knew that I would be, you know, in a safe space. So, and as I said, you know, at the top of the show, just sitting there the other day and all evening and thinking, wow, this is this is an amazing, this is an amazing community of people, and I just feel so lucky to have them in my life. Um, and and then also with my the memoir writing courses. I again when I started that I didn't quite know how it was going to go. I do them online, and everyone wants to stay in touch, everybody, you know, you forge a bond, it becomes a circle of trust. And I always you know work very hard to provide a supportive and safe space because it's you know, when you're dealing with memoir, um, you you've got to tread carefully. But you know, the cohort they become very, very close. And so, you know, one of the one of the ladies said to me, she said, Were you doing a catch-up session at the end of the year? And I wasn't, and I went, Well, I am now, yes, you know, let's get everyone together and actually, you know, ultimately my goal is to make my website a membership website, and I'm you know working towards that at the moment, and you know, I've got things things are going in a direction that I never even dreamed of.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Oh, that's wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

Yeah, and that's the community, then just writers are just great people, but everyone's a writer, so you're all fabulous.

SPEAKER_00 43:59

Oh, I love it. That I love that. Well, as part of the celebration of writing, then before we go into your three questions, that you're not going to escape, you're not going to escape. What would be your parting takeaway to someone listening now, male or female, who's thinking, hmm, maybe. Maybe I will. How can we help them shift that maybe into a go on then?

SPEAKER_01 44:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

I'll give it a go.

SPEAKER_01 44:27

I've got five quick tips for you. Five. Here we go. So set realistic goals. You're not going to write a book in five minutes. It's you're you're climbing a mountain. In fact, you know, there's a mountain to climb before you even get to base camp. So set those goals. Know that this isn't going to happen overnight. Small, achievable goals like the ones we've just discussed.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

Because you want to build confidence without feeling overwhelmed. So there's that. Establish your writing space, as I mentioned, whether that's in the car or just a special chair or you're walking or whatever, because you again will feel comfortable, it will foster your creativity. Very, very important. Join a writer's group. Find other people who are doing the same. If there isn't a writer's group in your area, start one. You will benefit from constructive feedback. People around you will hold you accountable. And that's a lot of the work that I do. They will keep you motivated, they will keep you inspired. Read widely. Read other memoirs. If you're writing a memoir, read, go and you know, I've I've got uh a reading list, I can share that with you somehow. But go into your local bookshop. Yeah, yeah, we'll put bookshop, library, go to memoir, pick out a few. Um, one of the ones that I always suggest that my um clients read is Toast by Nigel Slater because it's such a beautiful telling of a childhood and a traumatic childhood told through food. And it's just a lovely way, uh a lovely story. Uh, there's also Bluettes by Maggie Nelson, which is a fragmented memoir. And there's there's just so many, so many. So if if you want a list, I can provide um.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

Oh list, please. We'll pop that in the show notes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

And and the finally, and this is so important, is to celebrate your progress. If you wake up one morning and you write 200 words, that is a win. So it's a small achievement, but it's a win. If you write 2,000 words, fantastic. It's still a win. Celebrate those moments. Just give yourself uh a little uh just you know, just acknowledge what you're doing because when you're digging deep to write a memoir, especially if you've been through a life that has been peppered by trauma or you know experiences that are always not good, um, or you know, you're you're and you want to pass on what you've learned, just take a moment to go, I'm doing great, I'm alright, I'm on the right track. Yay me. Yay me, go and then go and buy yourself a Kit Kat or something. That's that's really certain, Varlow.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

Oh no, it is all about the little winds, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Brilliant. Right, listeners, you're gonna get her contact details in a minute, but first drum roll, please. We're gonna do your three questions. I won't actually bang the thing because it's a microphone. Yes. I think I've done it in previous episodes. So your first question, and also, do you play music while you're writing? This will be interesting. Yes. Your midlife anthem, then. I can always say put my teeth in. Your midlife anthem, do you play it while you're writing? What is it? I do. Are you gonna sing it?

SPEAKER_01 47:42

I don't well, I could I could do, but I don't want to alienate your entire um audience. I slightly separate point. I do actually pick a song for everything I'm writing. I have an anthem for every project that I listen to over and over and over. But my midlife anthem, which is not so much well, I probably do listen to it on writing, but it's the song that lifts me, is California Soul by Mylena Shaw. And it's huge. It was one of the songs that my friend put on a mixtape before I went to Los Angeles. I played it every day. I first lived in Marina del Rey and I would listen to it on my shuffle. Do we remember those? That I would clip on to my, you know, top um as I would bike along the beach path. And for me, it represents freedom, adventure, joy. It it's and if I hear it now out in the wild, it just I have I stop, it sort of takes my breath away. It's like it's such a joyous song. And actually, there's a fun postscript to this because it was written by Ashford and Simpson. I don't know if you remember, they uh sang a song called Solid Rap. There we go. That's all you're getting. And I was in New York at a film junkie. I think it was I was trying to remember, I think it was to interview Josh Brolin for Money Never Sleeps, which was the Wall Street um sequel. And I was sent there, I think for The Scotsman, and I was just coming back to the hotel and a limo pulled up, and it was this hotel right near Central Park, just yeah, next door to Central Park. And Ashford and Simpson got out, and you might say, How on earth would you recognise them? Well, you would if you knew what they look like. So I'm trying to everybody Google Ashford and Simpson. You'd be like, Oh yeah, you'd know them if you saw them. And or sadly, actually, Nicholas Ashford has passed since. Um and I went, Wow, those are the people that wrote the song I listen to every day of my life. So I just went, hey, I just want to say thanks for the music as I walked past. And I I listened to this song every day, and they were so cool, they were like, Yay, that's so cool. We love you. You know, it was a really nice moment. And I just walked into the hotel going, Oh my god, I just said thank you to Ashford and Simpson. Walked into the lift, Bet Midler was standing there, and I went, This is a ridiculous day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:13

And that was so I remember duetted wind beneath my wings as we went up to your room.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

A second midlife anthem, yeah. But so I would say, yeah, so that's my that's my midlife anthem. It's great.

SPEAKER_00 50:24

That I I love that. I love that. Well, I now need to know what your midlife mantra is.

SPEAKER_01 50:31

Yeah, this is interesting. Um I do you know this this was the one that took me the most time to really figure out because it was all that no is a full sentence, you know, and it's like going through all these like social media things. And I just came back to protect your peace. It's really important. It's it it's huge. You know, boundaries have become a huge part of my life in midlife. You know, I've really consciously chosen calm over chaos, and you know, myself over being constantly available. Because when I was younger, I I listened a lot, I was there a lot, I was always available to my detriment sometimes, always trying to make other people happy, trying to fix the unfixable, and that has stopped now. And you know, my my energy is finite, I need to protect that, I need to protect my peace. You know, not everything deserves my attention now or you know, emotional labor. So it's not about sort of withdrawing from life as such. I don't I don't mean it in that way, but it's just sort of participation on my own terms, you know, it's it's it's less noise and more clarity, and I and I'm really uh passionate about protecting my peace in that respect. It's um you know, just to keep everyone else comfortable, and I've had to do some growing up to realise that.

SPEAKER_00 51:57

That's so I know that's gonna be resonating. So many people I mean, I've got goosebumps, and I know that so many listeners are gonna be like, go, Lisa.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

Yeah, yeah. That's important.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

Now the big question then, autobiography, what are you gonna call it?

SPEAKER_01 52:15

Well we have Ryan is ready for you now. Yeah, but I think maybe this the second one should be more personal, I feel. So I do like a bit of a comedy moment, and I know you wanted me to get quite serious with this, but I'm not very good at that often. Um anyone who knows me well will laugh at this, and I think I'm going to call my autobiography still can't pack a suitcase, brackets, but willing to travel, close brackets. Because I still can't pack a suitcase. I do a lot of travel writing still. I'm really lucky to be able to do that. Um, but I cannot pack a suitcase. I've been doing it for years, I've been back and forth, I'm getting worse, I don't know what it is. But also, I love that metaphor of life is a mess, the adventure happens in the mess. And you know, just because you're older doesn't mean you've mastered even the basics, I feel. So, so I think you know, that will imply that I'm still curious, still moving, which is really very similar to where we started on our local papers all those years ago. Um, you know, at heart, I'm still looking for you know the best stories, adventure. I don't feel like I'm finished yet. You know, I'm I'm I'm still curious, I'm still I'm still looking for all of that.

SPEAKER_00 53:34

And you know, one of my favourite things is embracing our childlike curiosity, staying curious, because the minute we stop being curious, we might as well just go and sit on that porch, might we? Right. Well, segue again coming up. You've been warned. Anyone who's curious to find out more about how they can contact you, work with you, start putting pen to paper, finger to keyboard, voice to voice note. All your details are in the show notes for this episode, and you have your guest profile on the Midlife Unlimited podcast website. But could you please talk listeners through how they can connect with you? Anything you've got coming up, over to you.

SPEAKER_01 54:16

Thanks, Kate. Well, if you go to LisaMarksmedia.com, you can find everything there. Um, it's very exciting. Uh, we are going a little undergoing a little bit of a change uh this year, but it's still there. So um I'm offering uh Midlife Unlimited listeners um a discounted block of mentoring um sessions, which you can uh access by actually emailing me. My email is on the website, and I think um you'll have it here, but it's LisaMarksmedia at gmail.com. Um, my next online memoir writing course for beginners, which is called From Blank Page to Memoir, actually starts in September. I'm giving everybody the summer off to go and enjoy themselves and just percolate their ideas and create more moments. Create more moments, some crazy moments, go and have some adventures, be curious. Um, and that starts in September. And again, if you go to LisaMarksmedia.com, you can find everything there. And you know, I work one-to-one and uh I have the courses, and also if you're local to me, you can um come and find me. Uh if you if you're in the Leon C area, then I'm always happy to meet for a coffee or something. Um, but you know, with the courses, they're always um small, small courses, everyone gets personalised support, is a safe space, it's an incredible journey you go on, and it's over a couple of months, and you know, we meet once a week online, and you get to know lots of other people who are going through the a similar situation, and by the end of it, and this seems to happen every time, you end up very, very close to each other. And uh by doing that, by working or or you know, by being on a course or working with me, um, it's like having a personal trainer for writing. I will motivate you and keep you accountable and you know keep the train on the track. So um, but yeah, LisaMarksmedia.com. If you want to find me, there I am. I'm at LisaMarks Writes on Instagram. Sorry. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:13

No, no, no, I was gonna say I look forward to reading or finding out about the memoirs that might be being birthed literally as we speak as a result of this episode. So I'd love your feedback on today's episode. It'd be fabulous if you left a review, a thumbs up is always good. Subscribe as well, help me with the algorithms, and you can email or text me via the link in the show notes. Um, come and join the Midlife Unlimited Facebook group. Again, the links in the show notes where you'll find the website link, where you can get details of how you can work with me one-to-one, and come and join more M-O-R-E exclamation mark, my award-winning all-in-one coaching program. Um for fabulous females. I might even start opening up too many. No, we're keeping it for fabulous females for now. Um thank you, Lisa. It's been brilliant. I've absolutely loved today's episode. Thank you for listening, folks. Um, don't forget, there's a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcast. So here's the being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Lisa. It's been brilliant. Hi. Hi, thanks, Kate. Hi, hi.