How to Escape to the Country with Guest Mia Preston

How many times have you day dreamed about taking that "do I dare..?" step of making your "one day" today?

Are you already making plans?

Or are you still tangled in the "what ifs", spiralling in procrastination?

My guest Mia Preston joins me to share how she has turned her dream into reality.

Tune in for practical tips and anecdotes from Mia and her husband's life-swap journey as they sold up their family home and relocated from a busy seaside time to a period mansion in the Scottish countryside.

And don't miss Mia's insights and inspiration for playing "alternative dress-up" that will help you to start realising your own "one day" dreams.

Connect with Mia

https://www.oliveorfig.com/

https://www.instagram.com/oliveorfig/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/miaprestonoliveorfig/

https://www.tiktok.com/@mia.preston_oliveorfig

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Midlife Unlimited, the podcast for women who want more. I'm your host, Kate Porter, the Midlife Metamorphosis coach, and I know what it's like to feel stuck navigating the midlife maze. I've looked in the mirror and thought, who is that woman? So Midlife Unlimited is here to let you know you are not alone. You don't have to put on a brave face and put up with it. You don't have to play it safe. Midlife Unlimited is all about ripping off that mask and telling it how it really is. Nothing is off limits because together there's no limit to what we can achieve. So welcome to today's episode. Now, how many times have you daydreamed about taking that do I dare step of making your one day today? Are you already making plans? Or are you still tangled up in the what-ifs, spiralling in procrastination? Well, my guest today has turned her dream into reality. And I'm delighted that Mia Preston, neurodivergent mentor and founder of Olive or Fig, is joining me now to talk about how to escape to the country. So welcome, Mia. It's fabulous to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Thank you. I'm really looking forward to this. It's uh I always enjoy our chat. So this is going to be great.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Well, the minute we met, and I'm trying to remember, it was in a Zoom room, and you popped up, and I saw the surroundings, and I thought for a minute, hey up, Kate. Don't know why I went Yorkshire then. Is that one of those backgrounds that everyone puts up? I thought, no, she is actually sitting, and listeners, you won't believe this, the most gorgeous sofa with beautiful panelling behind her and a faux fur throw and tulips. And I was like, this looks like my kind of place. I need to speak to this woman more. And that is what we're going to be delving into. But before I give any spoilers, spoilers a little bit, an alternative title for our episode could have been How to Play Dress Up, couldn't it? Because in our pre-chat, you said that that just sums up how we can approach change in midlife.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Yes, because I I I think there are so many possibilities, um, especially when our children grow up and they go off. And if we've put a lot of effort into and energy and focus on that side of life, suddenly you're left with like, oh, we can I've got roughly 30 years ahead of me, you know, hopefully. Um, how do I want to spend those 30 years? And I think sometimes people forget that we can we can sort of dress up in in our minds and try on different personas and try on different aspects of how we want to live our lives. Um, so spending a bit of time doing that, I think's really worth it uh to give you a direction and an idea. Otherwise, you're just kind of floundering, um, wondering where you're going.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

Oh no, I love that. And I it gave me an immediate flashback. I don't know where, I don't know where it came from, but in my dressing up box with this most gloriously glamorous, like kind of a negligé dressing gown in pink and it was all floaty. And I wish I had it now, but the fee, I the feeling that gave me when I put that on, it's like twirling around. Oh, yes, yes, embracing new things. Now, later on, you're going to be sharing your insights, top tips, and lessons learned. And listeners, I think there's going to be some metaphors here because obviously we are talking about escaping to the country, which you will find out is something that Mia has done literally. But the steps that she's taking, and I think the insights she's going to be sharing, will apply whatever your one-day dream is. Um, so bear with me on this one. I'm I'm not trying to get overly complex, I'm just trying to think, yeah, there's going to be so many parallels. But first, I'd like to get back to your story and and the crossroads that you and your family, it's not just you, it's obviously it was a family decision, I'm guessing. But talking of family, taking that leap into the unknown to a certain extent, it runs in your family anyway, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Oh, yeah. I mean, my dad, um, bless him, he was he's was Cypriot, Greek Cypriot. Um, and in the 60s, I think it was, he decided actually Cyprus was too small for him and he needed to leave. And so he got enough money to buy basically a ticket for on top of the deck. So he got himself um across to Venice on the boat, sleeping on the top, uh, and then basically trekked across um Europe. Uh, ended up in in London, was met by a friend of a friend of a friend from the village. Um, and that night, I know it's it's it's mad, you wouldn't do it today. He was met by this this random person that he he knew this connection with, and they were had him at the anger steakhouse in Piccadilly Circus that night, KP.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

And they I know I know exactly where that is. It's like, what, what an adventure, and that was just the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

It's like, yeah, yeah. He he was so adventurous, and I remember seeing him, he used to lay on the sofa and and he would be rubbing his eyebrows, and I'm like, what are you doing? And he's like, I am thinking, Mia, I am thinking, and it's like, and then the next thing we'd know, this mad scheme, we'd end up going round like um he loved boats, and so we'd go to the boat shows in London, and he he decided he was gonna buy a boat or or become a pilot. I mean, looking back now, I sort of think, oh, he must have been, you know, that that ADHD neurodivergent brain was there because he was so willing to to think about things in a way that other people don't always see the connections and the patterns, but he did. Um, so he was yeah, real inspiration was my dad.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

How how glorious, and obviously, as well. I love the name of your business, and that was inspired by your father as well, wasn't it? Can you just explain the behind it? Because I was like, olive or fig. I love in A, it made my tummy rumble because I love both of them, but that's the Cypriot influence as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Yes, yeah. I mean, it's it it's the all kind of plays on this neurotypical or neurodivergent. Um, and I'm I'm a very much an and person. So um, and in Cyprus, it was we would have olives and we would have figs for breakfast with our cheese and our baboozi, which is uh watermelon. So we'd all have, yeah, I know absolutely delicious breakfast. I'm there, yeah. And so I thought, oh, you know, I really want to do a homage to my dad because he's been a real uh you know, a real inspiration over the years, a very wise man in his way, considering he grew up in this little village in the hills of uh Cyprus. And I I thought actually, yeah, let's do olive or fig. You know, that's um, and and the idea is that actually you don't have to be an or, you can be an and.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

And I love that because it's all about inclusivity, isn't it? And it's all about embracing all the choices out there. Now, which is something we're going back to your crossroads again. You had quite a few choices at this pivotal time that is midlife. So before we before we explain exactly what you've done and where you are, could you take us back to how it felt to have the choices? Quite exciting, I would have thought, to a certain extent, or was it scary?

SPEAKER_00 8:03

I think it was really overwhelming. And um, you know, your your first instinct is to kind of move away from that because it feels really uncomfortable. Um, I've been working on sitting in discomfort. Um, I'd spent 10 years working on trying to really be comfortable with with the uncomfortableness in life sometimes. Yeah. Um, you know, it's a really hard thing to do. Um, and so rather than sort of move away and think, oh, well, you know, I'll just hide behind the busyness of life. I I actually decided to stop and to sit there and to think, right, okay, what is it that we want? What what's possible? Um, you know, I've got to take into account the other people in my life that I'm living with.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Come on, everyone, yes, we're doing this.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah, yeah. So um I I mean it made it a lot easier that all my adult children at that point were disappearing off. Two were already at uni, one was about to go. So it was that empty nest syndrome as well, that sort of come in, and and there were big questions about how did we want to spend the next 30 years of our life? Um, you know, because in a way we were going back to when we were in our 20s and starting out and no children, and you know, suddenly Sunday breakfast and bed became a thing again.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

Yeah, and I think I hear again and again it's that the things that you have perhaps put on the back burner or things that have been on that to da list, which is what I call my to-do list, because when you tick it off, you can go ta-da. Um, you know, things that have been I say we've been dreaming about when you I mean, I know our episode is coming out midsummer, perhaps when you're lying on that sun lounge with your eyes closed, when your mind drifts to oh, what what would I like? And I know visualization, that's something we're going to be talking a lot about because it is something that you find really helpful and really powerful, but it is, isn't it? It's that's that gap, and it can be a massive gap between like your dad when he was lying on the sofa, thinking, oh, this this could be an idea to actually taking the steps to make it happen. So obviously, you you were juggling or weighing up different options. So, how did escaping to the I mean, was it the automatic choice, or was it like, oh, a bit torn here? How did you get did you get a pin and just go right, we're doing this?

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Well, we we originally were looking to move to Ireland, um, Southern Ireland, yeah, because I've got I I had a great grandmother who was from Waterford in Kilkenny, so we were looking that, yeah, really lovely part of the world, and we were like, Oh, you know, we could get a decent property out there, it's a different life. Um, but we just couldn't seem to make it work. And then my husband was coming up to Scotland um to pre uh COVID, he was coming up once a month and doing training in Edinburgh for he was giving the training, and so he fell in love with Scotland. I've got a Scottish grandfather, and suddenly Scotland sort of started to become the place that we thought, yeah, actually, this is where we so were you based in London previously or outskirts, or we were actually based down by the coast in Hastings, so we had actually gone from one end of the country to the other. You couldn't have you couldn't have really gone much further, could you? No. Well, I think there are we could have gone up to the islands and highlands, but we didn't quite go that far. So, yeah, so um uh we were thinking we I think we had to have discussions with the children as well because there were two things actually. My dad did point this out. He's he's he said to us, you are actually taking away their childhood home, everything they've known for the last 16 years, which is where we, you know, literally my youngest one was two when we moved to Nastix, but that's the only life she knew. And and he was saying there's nowhere for them to go back. Once we sell up, there would be nowhere to go back. So we had to have discussions with them about that. Uh, I mean, they were brilliant. Their their thing was, well, we're going out, we're starting to set up an our life, and and actually, if we've got that privilege of being able to choose how we want to spend the next couple of decades, why why don't you? So they were really, really good about that. Um, I I think the reality has been slightly different for my youngest.

SPEAKER_01 12:34

She's just started you know, or in her first year now, then or oh now she's in her third year.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

She did actually uh yeah, she she she ended up taking a year out and spending a year up in the worlds of where we are in Scotland. And um, I I think that was a real culture shock because Hastings is is lively and there's a big nightlife, and it's it's really humming and busy, and it's by the coast, and then we've got a much slower pace up here. So for her, it was a bit of a struggle, but we loved it.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

So paint a picture of where you are now, though. You just described Hastings beautifully, and we can imagine that. So you've got out your house in on the coast, busy nightlife, busy day life, London on the doorstep as well, with everything that London's got to offer. Um, and now, where are you? Obviously, it's a gorgeous setting, but I I get the impression there's been quite a lot of work involved. And what is the dream that you are in the process of living?

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Right. Okay, so we moved up to Aberdeenshire. Um, so we're still close enough to the coast. There is a, you know, it's about a 45-minute drive.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

Um, lovely.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

But which is yeah, it really is nice to still have that sea element. Um, but we bought a house that's uh within 30 acres of woodland, it's literally surrounded. So you come up the driveway and there's just woods everywhere. Um, and then you get to the top of the driveway and you sort of glimpse of the house, come around the front, and then there's this, you know, absolutely gorgeous house. We were blown away the first time we saw it. What period is it? It's about it, it was probably built around 1850, 1860, and then renovated by this really lovely lady called Violet Tweedle, who was um great name. I know it's fantastic. She won't name it was her and her husband Clarence. I mean, I mean it is Violet and Clarence Tweedle. I mean, it's perfect, and she was um uh she was the granddaughter of the publisher who started Chambers, so the Chambers Dictionary, all that sort of stuff. Oh yeah, so she renovated the house. Um, and she it became, I think it's and it still feels like that a kind of entertaining party house. Um, and she knew Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, they were all into that spiritualism at the time. So we think that maybe he was here as a visitor on a case. Seances and all sorts, yes, yeah, yeah. It was absolutely it's but it's a really joyful house. Um, and I get up in the morning, I've got my chickens, so I let the chickens out, collect my eggs, dogs are having a run around, and I sit there with a cup of tea, um, especially on a morning like this, and just enjoy all the wildlife that's around. I mean, honestly, the bird song is amazing. Um, and and yeah, and then in the evenings we'll come out and we'll see the bats and the house martins, and we'll hear the owls, um, and the pine martins. You can we've actually got pine martins.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Oh, how wonderful!

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah, we are just surrounded by nature, and it's a lot calmer. And I find myself, I've just come back from a week in London, and I felt like as soon as I arrived, it was like you can breathe, you know. Suddenly there's room to expand my lungs, and and I it steadies me in a way that I think London life never really did.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

That's really powerful. I mean, I can just see listeners on Mia's face as she was talking. Now, I'm guessing we talk a lot about non-negotiables, and when you mentioned your chickens, I've got a feeling the chickens were a non-negotiable in this plan.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

They really were. Um, I mean, if we had, we were looking at more land and we were looking at sort of highland cows and things like that, but with 30 acres, you can't quite fit them in, especially Woodland. Um, but it was the chickens, it was like we need to have chickens. I've had to give up on the peacocks. I'm not allowed the peacocks, but they're very noisy. Oh, yeah, and apparently they they peck at bright objects, so people's cars and things, apparently, that they they really do like admiring themselves, but then they think it's another bird and they peck it.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

I can just imagine that because obviously, I I know vaguely, because obviously I don't like to know too much in advance because it makes for more an exciting conversation for me, not just the listeners, as we unravel. So, what is the obviously you've made the move and you're a couple of years in? Is that am I correct?

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Yeah, three years this August.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

So obviously you had the idea of the selling up, the finding the actual purchasing. I mean, was that a straightforward process? Did you have a lot of help in that? Because that's the initial step, isn't it? The fun bit, I would have thought, is when you're there and renovating and planning and but actually taking that first step to right, we're gonna get rid of. I mean, did you have to get rid of loads of stuff? Or because you've gone to a bigger place, was that not the issue? Or did you anyway? Was it a bit of a culling and a cathartic time?

SPEAKER_00 17:55

No, it was um oh gosh, that was it was a really hard journey because um there's obviously different legal systems between England and Scotland when you sell and buy a house. So we actually had two solicitors. We had our English solicitor, we had our Scottish solicitor. Um, so that's that's one of the big things. Um, the Scottish system is moves a lot quicker. Um, you can buy a house very quickly up here, um, but just because they they they complete, they exchange and complete in a very different way. Um, and your solicitor can sign of on your behalf, so you're not having to, you know, we're that made it easier in terms of having to fly up or train it or drive all the time. Yeah, so there is it is in some ways the Scottish system is a bit more streamlined, but it was really hard. We had, I think this is about the fourth house that we tried to buy, um, and finally managed to do it. The other three, um, uh, I think yeah, just didn't work out. It was funny when you reach a certain financial bracket of buying houses, the people who are selling them behave in a very different way because it's not always their main home that they're selling. So you get a very different experience. Um, so that was really difficult. And we were on our own. I mean, we we were going, there were some properties that we wanted to buy, and we couldn't get a mortgage for because they they didn't, you know, there wasn't enough there. They they thought it was too big a risk. Um, it was so it wasn't us, it was the house that they had the problem with. Um, so it was really we went through about I think three mortgage brokers that we were having to go through. Um, we eventually sold the house and were homeless. I mean, God homeless at 52, 50, well, yeah, 51. I know, had to move in with my mother, bless her. It was, I think you you can't put two matriarchs in the same house and not have some little things going off. And my Greek Cypriot finess came through on occasions. I do feel for my mother, bless her. She was so tolerant and and understanding.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

But that said, what a wonderful opportunity, though. Obviously, I'm sure there were ups and downs. I'm sure most mother and daughter relationships will have this, but to actually move home in midlife for a little bit, I think it might be quite a good eye-opening experience before you go into your next adventure as well.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Yeah, and it was it was a good holding platform. My dad had just died, he it was less than a year that he died. So actually, it worked out quite well. I think we were there, able to support mum and you know, grieve together as well. Um, that's one of the things I think uh you get to sort of midlife and suddenly you do maybe leave a lose a parent. Um, and having that sort of emotional support structure around sometimes, I think really helps.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Um, so yeah, and I was kind of moving further away from her, I'm guessing. So seeing her not necessarily less, because sometimes people can live round the corner from us and we still only see them once a year or twice a year. So back to the property. Obviously, you mentioned this wasn't necessarily your first choice, right? But did did you for we'll we'll we'll get rid of the metaphorically, we'll we'll stick to the listeners that are actually thinking, yeah, I've watched the TV show, I I've had the thoughts, I fancy escaping, I fancy upscaling, downsizing, just changing, getting jumping off the rat race bus and going out and trying something new. Did you have, I mean, it's a bit like a dating app, maybe, did you have a list of, as I say, non negotiables, or were you like, let's just suck it and see what's out there?

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Uh no, I mean, we did we did have, well, I had a list. My husband had his list. Um, he wanted this modern, eco friendly house in the middle of nowhere, and I wanted an old Victoria, you know, house. We'd Neighbours. So I think the first thing we had to do was try and work out where the similarities, the crossovers were and create a master list, basically. I mean, we did try out each other's. Mine was perhaps I think he was more the land, I was more the house. So that kind of helped as well. And yeah, we did have some non-negotiables. We wanted land, that was a really important thing. And I wanted an old house. So trying to find those two to go together. We needed to be near an airport because my husband does need to go down to London periodically for work. So although he works from home, he needed to travel. So we needed, we couldn't be. I mean, he looked at one house in the middle of the Care Gaurns, um, you know, no neighbours for I think, I don't know, like a hundred miles. It was amazing, but I was like, it's three hours to the nearest airport, you know, how also the slightest bit of snow or something like that, and that's internet goes down, and you're like, hmm, okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

We haven't even got any coal, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Um, so that was kind of our our non-negotiables were definitely the land, and for me, an older property with character was was definitely what I wanted. Close to a city, had good transport links, whether that was a train or a plane. Um, and um, but really what we wanted was nature, was to be surrounded by nature, that was a really big thing for us. Um, I was finding Hastings was just too grey. I needed green. Um, and it was just too grey. Um, I didn't need it to match my hair colour anymore. Now that it was grey, I needed to get something different.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

Here's the rock in the gray, here's the rock in the gray. Now, I mean, how would you mean bedroom-wise, have you got masses of bed? Is it a sprawling property? Again, we're gonna mention visualization in a bit because obviously that's one of your main insights and tips, but but yeah, paint a picture. So obviously, you say a very you say it's a great entertaining house.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

So I'm imagining like a big hallway and drawing room, and yeah, yeah, we've got uh as you go through the entrance, you you it sort of opens up into this sort of big, massive hallway. We've got this amazing carved um fireplace, or as you come in in the in the entrance lobby is absolutely beautiful, and then we've got um we've got the drawing room, the library, and the dining room, uh, which are the main areas downstairs. Oh, it's like Cludo.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

You need to have Cluedo weekends, that's what you should be. Good. We could, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

My daughter wants to do a murder mystery um event. I love a murder mystery, yeah, me too. So um, yeah, and then uh we've got in the main house, we've got nine bedrooms, and then behind the main house we've got uh sort of a uh a renovated coach house, wash house. Oh, yeah, and that's yeah, and that's got three bedrooms, so we Airbnb that bit, um, and then we're we're in the main house and just have lots of guests because I've got all these spare rooms now.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

So I love it.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

So I mean, is the idea to actually I mean, we just mentioned a murder mystery to have perhaps events there at all, or yeah, um, I mean, we we've looked into it, and I think what we what we'd love because I think the house is just so geared up for it, is is weddings. Um, we're not gonna do more than 10 because it's our home, you know. This is the thing, although the house needs to wash its face, um, it is our home first and foremost. We live here um and we enjoy living here, so we don't want to be doing events every weekend. No, um, so really it's gonna be a maximum of 10 a year. Um, and then what the plan is is that it's exclusive use. So we'll hand it over to somebody on a Thursday evening and they will hand it back on a Monday morning. Um, and then they get so they don't just get the wedding, they get this opportunity to spend time with family and friends and really connect over the weekend, uh, make it a very memorable um experience for them. And you get in a way as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We we've already picked out the you know, the journeys we want to go, or the, you know, because it we we do actually want to go to some of the islands around here. So that's the plan is that we'll we'll hire an RV and off we'll go, leave the house and go to an adventure for the weekend.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

I love this, I love this. I I I'm living this with you. You're making me think, whoa, what next? What next? That I I think then we we've alluded to how visualization has played a big part. So perhaps we could take that as your first inset. Inset, insight. See, I'm so excited, I'll get my words muddled up. The first insight that we can share with listeners of how you have taken that step, how you've turned your one day into today sitting on that fabulous sofa with that wonderful throne next to you.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Yeah, I um I mean I discovered visualization when I was about oh nine or ten, I think it was. Um yeah, yeah. I um I was in the swimming team at school and uh backstroke because you know I'd quite laid back and that felt like a nice way to swim. And I I I was watching the Olympics at the time and I watched and saw how the person turned when they were doing the backstroke. And I'd actually gone to bed that night and I'd visualized how to do it. Uh, and then I went to school the next morning, tried it out and did it. Um, and all the teachers were going, who taught you to do this? And it's like, no, I just went out in my head. And that really they were so shocked about that that I think it really sat with me because I suddenly realized, oh, actually, this is quite a powerful tool. This maybe is get helping me do things that other people can't do, or or you know, so I then really since then have spent my whole life visualizing. So I I kind of see it as dress up for adults. So I kind of go into that dress up box and and I kind of think, oh, okay, what about that life? What would it and I literally visualize what living that life would be like? So um for me it was like, well, you know, if we did have woods, what would it be like? Um, what you know, what kind of bedrooms do I want? What kind of stairs? What does it feel like? Um, how do I use the space? Um, how do I incorporate the people in my life into that space? What does it feel like? So, and it is it's really lovely to go back to that playfulness and that sense of possibilities. If you think when you were younger and you put on that, you know, that Superman costume or the um or the the doctors or the teachers or you know, the train driver, whatever it was, that costume that you put on, and suddenly you were kind of living that life. This is the adult version of that. And and part of it for me was about having fun and enjoying and living that life, even if it's just in my head for for half an hour.

SPEAKER_01 29:12

No, I love that. And I think you were saying you know, what it feels like, but I think what it sounds like probably played a big part because you said that the whole sound thing of the of the Pine Martins and the silence to a certain extent has been transformational for you.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

Yes, yeah. Um, and it's that stillness. I mean, I I actually visualized myself meditating in the woods, um, and and actually, do you know what? It's it I came close. I have done it a few times up here when the weather's permitted, and I didn't quite get there to the reality of the situation. It is it is slightly better in real life, uh, but I came very, very close, and it was that sense of peace and grounding um that just living and doing that in the woods really brings for me.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Oh, I love that, I love that so visualization definitely, and as I was saying, you know, yes, you've used it in your particular circumstances, but visualization in itself is such a useful tool. I will use the word tool for any big changes or small change, because sometimes the small changes we really do need to put a lot of thought into them, and they they can be something that do kind of be hovering in the back of our mind for quite a while, and it is thinking getting that impetus, isn't it? Now, another thing that in our little pre-chat, and I think when we very first e met, because we we've yet to meet in the butt I'm coming up, I'm definitely going to invite myself up for the weekend and think how lovely. Um obviously change is scary. I hear that again and again. But one thing that we both agreed on is the thing that can hold us back is the fact we think change, that's it. Once I've made this decision, there's no there's no good, but but but but it's not set in stone, is it? And if it isn't quite what is right for us, we we've got the ability to say no, this isn't this isn't, and just to actually realize, because that in itself is is very grown up. Let's be grown up about this, but let's be kind to ourselves and not make ourselves go through something that just doesn't feel right.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Yeah, I mean, there's this sort of thing that I find a lot of people I've made the decision, so I have to see it through. And I'm like, yes, there is an element, you know, you don't want to be chopping and changing every five minutes, but if something isn't working, there's nothing wrong with pivoting. And I'm an absolute believer in it, you know. Um, I mean, gosh, I grew up Catholic convent high school education. We grew up on the willow tree that bows and flay, you know, and and you know bends in the wind. And so for me, being flexible is is very much a way of life.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

Um, I love the fact you said I pirouette in honor of your mum. You don't pivot, you pirouette.

SPEAKER_00 32:02

Pirouette, yeah. Yes, yeah, and it is about is it's about being willing to do the dance, I think, you know, and and not get so stuck in trying to make something work when it's not going to. I mean, it's that whole Buddhist thing, though, isn't it? It's balance the middle way, it's not being too far that you're so entrenched that actually you're really unhappy, but not so flexible that you're changing constantly. It is about finding that middle way. Um, and so yeah, it is about asking yourself that question. Um, am I happy right now with with it where it's going? Am I happy to walk this path? And if not, is there another path that can that I can do that's maybe parallel or that's slightly off, but actually might be taking me in a slightly different direction, but feels more comfortable and more aligned to who I am. Um, I I I'm very much a gut instinct person as well. I do listen to my, you know, my instincts. Um, you know, they are there. And if you take time to be still, you can often hear what's going on inside yourself.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

No, absolutely. It's the noise, isn't it? It's just removing ourselves from the noise. Now, I I get the feeling you're like me, and it's I I I don't do looking backwards, I don't do regrets or anything like that. But sometimes it is interesting to pause and look at the lessons that have presented themselves. So I won't say, is there anything you'd have done differently? But are there lessons that you've learned that you are taking forward with you, thinking, well, that didn't necessarily happen in the way that we expected it to. We've learnt from that, and going forward, we'll do things a bit differently. Or has it has it just progressed in its way and you you've kept the pace and you, you know, you you've gone forward as it's happened?

SPEAKER_00 33:59

That's a really good question. And I do remember my dad telling me years ago that that guilt and regret were just wasted emotions. He said, you know, you have two choices there. He said, you either make the decision that you're not going to do it again, so you don't feel guilty, or that actually you are gonna do it and and you're gonna carry on doing it, and nothing's changed, so don't feel guilty then anyway. So he, you know, his thing was, you know, that regret and guilt is kind of a wasted emotion. I think what it has done is taught me how to how to believe in myself in a way that I hadn't, I don't think I was as strong, you know, I was always sort of feeling like I had to justify why I was doing things, and now it's like, no, it's uh you know, this the I I know I can make good decisions, I know I can be confident in doing something that everybody else is telling me is mad. And why am I doing it?

SPEAKER_01 34:56

Did you have a lot of that?

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Were people like, what the what the hell are you thinking? Yeah, yeah. Well, if you think about it, most people my age at 51, you know, we're downsizing, and I've upsized. You know, you asked the question about, you know, we were buying furniture because when we moved up here, there was it was almost an empty house. Oh, I'd love that.

SPEAKER_01 35:15

Where did you I mean, did you spend was that that must have been such fun as well, finding bits to fit in with the new because I'm guessing a lot of your previous stuff wouldn't have worked there anyway.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

I would actually surprisingly, we we were able to, it just wasn't enough. Oh, I mean, I I was buying pieces before we bought that house, and then we're looking around houses, and I've I have this massive dresser that was over three meters long, and I was like, I want it in the kitchen, so we now need to find a house with a kitchen big enough to have the dresser.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Yeah, that sounds the kind of thing I do. Yeah, I I'd be thinking fabrics in here, we haven't even signed the contract. No, I've done it.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

Yeah, so we ended up with a whole load of stuff in storage for about 11 months uh before, and then trying to get it all up to Scotland, and that was quite interesting. Um, but do you know what I think that's the biggest thing is is life is for living, and um, as long as you're not harming other people and yourself, then why not give something a go? You know what what's the harm in that?

SPEAKER_01 36:18

So, what what are you looking forward to next then? What's next on the goats? No.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Oh, I'd love goats, I really would.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

They eat everything they're I've been watching Clarkson's farm. It's like, no, don't get goats.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Yes, yeah. I think um, what am I looking forward to? I have found some mini Highland cows, and I would love a couple of those meandering around.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

June's guest, Caroline McGuire, she'll be coming over from Boston because she loves Highland cows, absolutely loves them.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

So, yeah, I mean, I think what I'm looking forward is I put myself on hold when I had children. That that you know, it became about them, and rightly so. You know, that that's our job, isn't it? It's uh like that poem, isn't it, by the um Arabic, what's his kapalid? And he says that we're the we're the bow and our children are the arrows, and our job is to pull back as far as we can and launch them out into the world as far as they can go, and so that's what I did for for sort of 27 years, you know, 25 years, and then now this feels like this is my time, my my chance to be more me in and with all the confidence that I never had in my 20s. That's the bonus, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 37:49

That is the bonus, yeah. People go, oh, wouldn't you want to be 20 again?

SPEAKER_00 37:54

No, absolutely not. No, no, and and discovery and and coming up to Scotland and doing this move has made me a lot more a lot braver. Um, um, and so I have confidence in my courage as well. That was something that I'd before I'd really be second guessing. Oh, should I do this? This is a risk. Um, actually, I can have confidence in that courage that it will pull me through, it will carry me to the next step. And actually, each change that I've done in my life has always been for the benefit. Change has always benefited me. I'm not actually afraid of change because it's always been a positive experience for me. I love that, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

So before we go into your three questions, and we will be sharing your contact details in a little while as well. Obviously, you've got your guest profile on the website, and all your details are in the show notes. But for anyone listening now who is whether they're on a sun lounge or whether you're stuck in the office and you're having a little tea break listening to Midlife Unlimited, and they're thinking, I I I need to shake things up a bit. I I do. I've got these ideas, and perhaps perhaps I can do this. Perhaps Mia has given me the kick at the bum that I needed. Is there something they can do today to start making that ball roll up the hill? It might feel like you're pushing a ball up a hill or rolling down the hill. Is is there something that perhaps a visualization or something that they can start doing now and think, yeah?

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, I I think for me there's two things. Uh the first thing is you you need to picture what you want your life to be, what what it's going to feel like. You need to sit in that um and try out the different possibilities. Um, and and you know, dreaming is free. And for some people that could be a vision board, for other people that's that's um just you know, laying on the sofa dreaming. Um, whatever way it is, it could be for some people who are writers, they like to you know build a picture with words. Um, so I would say that would be the first thing is is dress up in the new life, try it on for size. The second thing is, and my dad's my dad said this to me years ago, he said, wherever you go, you always bring yourself. And so the second thing I would say is actually really get to know yourself because we can dream about a life, but actually, if we don't know ourselves, we don't know how we're going to respond, we don't know what we need, um, what what's going to feed our souls, then you can turn up in what you think is the ideal, absolute fantastic life, and it's not you. So definitely need to get to know yourself, and that means accepting, you know, the the shadow and the light side of ourselves because we're human and we're messy, and it's okay if we're the sort of people who want to live in the middle of London, that's absolutely fine. There's nothing wrong with that. If you need the noise and the bustle because you don't want too much room in your head, um, then that's absolutely fine. That's that's you know, that's the way, or you like that liveliness and you need people around you. You know, it's about really knowing yourself, and then you can dream the possibilities.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Oh, I love that. So come on, listeners, let's start getting to know ourselves more, asking ourselves the question, what do we want? What don't we want? And taking those steps. Right, that's it. My mind is going into overdrive now with ideas and excitement. But I'm gonna calm myself down because before we share your contact details, I'm gonna ask you the same three questions that I ask each of my fabulous guests. So if you are ready, I would love to know, and I can imagine this music now filling your wonderful new home. What is your midlife anthem?

SPEAKER_00 41:55

My midlife anthem is Thunder by Imagined Dragons. Do you know? I don't think I know that. Oh, it's it's it's I love Imagined Dragons. They um I they the lyrics really speak to me. And this particular one, it's about this young boy dreaming and being told by the school that you know you're not good enough, you'll never get, you know, what why have you got these dreams? What entitles you to have these big dreams? And and he talks about now he's on a stage and he's looking out at millions of people, listening to his songs, and so I absolutely like that. And he's like the lightning and thunder, and he's not in the song, it feels like he's not apologizing for not being quiet and and you know, the the usual fitting in kind of thing. He's I think from what I understand, he's never fitted in. Um, and that this I really love the song for that. It's about being brave, you know, go out, be thunder, be lightning, tap the world. So that's my my answer.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

I am gonna well, I can safely say I think that is the first choice of this song for the playlist for Midlife Unlimited. So I love, and you we've hardly got any repeats, actually, which is quite amazing considering we're nearing a hundred. And I'm gonna go and listen as soon as we finish recording. I'm rather excited, something new. So the next question what is your midlife mantra, the phrase that you live your midlife by? I bet you've been saying this to yourself quite a lot in recent years with the movie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:31

Mine is do I have enough easy to kill that? That's my answer. I you know, it's really funny because easy really drives that nurturing, that sense of responsibility, that you know, and as it drops, I realize that I'm making choices now about I'm really caring about the things I care. It's it, you know, and actually there's a lot that doesn't need my care, that doesn't need my attention. Um, so my question is sometimes I'll be in the middle of something. Um and I'll I'll actually be asking myself, do I actually have enough East Virgin to care about this? And often the answer is no, I don't need to.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

And and also having then the clarity to go, right? I'm stepping back, I'm walking. Okay, so powerful. So powerful. Yeah. Right. I I'm now visualizing your drawing room and the coffee table. And on the coffee table is your autobiography. What is the title of it?

SPEAKER_00 44:31

I had to really think long and hard about this, and I came up with a number of ones. Um, but I've I've finally gone with failing my way to success. Oh yes, that is punchy. I like that. I like that. Yeah. Because I think I my successes have come out of where I failed or I've tried, or you know, and I think the fact that I've got up and had a go has actually been why we're where we are now. I think if I didn't, I could have got stuck at so many places along my my journey. And it was that just like, okay, right, I'm just gonna give this a try. Um, I mean, my other one was sodd with the other title was soddic.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

Have that in brackets, had that in brackets. No, because that ties in exactly with what I always say. Failure is literally when we what we thought was going to happen didn't happen. Yeah, whether it's due to something we did or didn't do, or whether it's due to something outside our control. And I think it's a word that's banded around so much and it loses the the possibilities of failure. And I love the fact, yeah. Excellent. Right. I look forward to that and seeing it on the coffee table. But in the meantime, in the meantime, as I say, all your contact details are in the show notes and you have your guest profile on the website. But would you please share with listeners how they can connect with you? Your website details over to you.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

Oh, thank you. So my website details is oliveorfig.com. Um, and on there it sort of gives a lot of my contact details about to get in touch with me, um, what I offer. Um, it's also if you want to email me, that's a really good one, Mia at oliveorfig.com. I'm trying to keep this as simple as possible because I have a memory that is so bad.

SPEAKER_01 46:29

I I have all these domain names that really oh no, keep it no, always sit straight for some of them, are so complicated, aren't they? And with the underscores and no, yeah, and we'll make sure obviously they're all links that are uh live links as well. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

Um, and I'm also on LinkedIn um and Instagram and TikTok and YouTube. If you just put Oliver Fig in, you will come up with something um where I am. Um I'm I'm a 54-year-old woman who's discovered the social media and so I'm having a lot of fun with that.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

No holding you back, no holding you back. And hope when well as well, come and have a look because I'm sure there's going to be some images of your fabulous new home as well.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

There is, yes. Yeah, I use them a lot in my social media.

SPEAKER_01 47:16

I wouldn't blame you. I don't blame you. And listeners, I'd love your feedback on today's episode. So it'd be fabulous if you could leave a review, click the like button, subscribe. Come on, let's give these algorithms a little helpful massage along the way. Um, you can email or text me via the link in the show notes too. Come and join the Midlife Unlimited podcast Facebook group. Again, the link's in the show notes, where you'll find the website link with details of my one-to-one coaching offers and more M-O-R-E exclamation mark, my award-winning all-in-one coaching programme for fabulous females who want to start adding life to their years. Come and join the Critters Revolution, it's rather exciting. Uh thank you for joining me, Mia. I put my teeth in. I'm getting, I'm seeing you can tell my brain's like, I've got chickens now. I'm I'm off with the chickens. I'll see you later. Thank you for listening, everyone. I look forward to you tuning in next week because don't forget Midlife Unlimited has a new episode every Thursday available wherever you listen to your podcasts. So here's to being fabulous and flourishing together and living midlife unlimited. Thanks, Mir. It's been an absolute joy. Take care. Bye. Bye.