Navigating Love & Dating Post-Divorce

Hey friends, in this week’s episode of The Music of Life, I’m diving deep into something that’s been swirling in my heart lately—love after divorce. This journey isn't easy, and I know so many of you are out there trying to make sense of how to trust again, how to love again, and more importantly, how to not lose yourself in the process. I’ve been reflecting on my own story, the healing that’s happened, and how I’ve grown into someone who now values emotional depth, high vibrations, and divine timing over anything casual or surface-level.

I open up about how our childhood wounds, relationship role models (or lack thereof), and inner work all play a part in how we show up for love. I share insights from a powerful long-distance connection that came at the most unexpected time in my life and what it taught me about God’s timing, real love, and emotional safety. If you’re navigating your own healing post-divorce or wondering what a healthy love can even look like, this episode is for you.

Episode Highlights:

[0:21] - Talking about love and dating post-divorce—and how so many of us carry unhealed baggage.
[3:50] - That unexpected long-distance relationship and the magic of divine timing.
[6:45] - Feeling emotionally seen and supported, even without meeting in person.
[8:36] - Why I don’t fear being alone and how that shifted everything for me.
[10:15] - The importance of not losing ourselves in relationships again.
[12:37] - Raising our vibration to attract love that matches our healing.
[14:48] - Breaking free from toxic relationship patterns and rewriting the story.
[17:25] - Redefining modern masculine and feminine roles in love.
[19:50] - Emotional value women bring and why both partners need to do the inner work.
[21:50] - A glimpse into what I’ll cover in future episodes on love and dating post-divorce.

Links & Resources:

Be sure to follow, share, and leave a comment if this show resonates with you! Send me a message at podpage.com/themusicoflife to share your experiences, or to leave a comment. I'd love to feature it in a future episode.

Transcript

Caryn Portnoy: 0:02

Karen, hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life. I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe. I wanted to talk this week about love and dating post divorce, and I'm not going to get too much into my own situation at the moment, but I did want to talk about this because I I've been reading some comments in some of the divorce groups I'm in on social media, and just some thoughts that I've seen and heard and thought about myself, and just wanted to talk about it a bit. So there are a lot of unhealed people out in the world, and I'm noticing more people doing their inner work, either during their divorce or after their divorce, to heal themselves and to be able to seek love and seek relationship post divorce for myself, I will say my history in relationships leading up to my ex husband and even the beginning of my relationship with him when we started dating. And I think it's true for a lot of people too, we tend to lose ourselves in relationships, and a lot of that stems from being unhealed, that we have childhood wounds, we have traumas from our past. We have unhealthy views and perceptions about relationships and love. And you know, who do we look to for that kind of guidance. I mean, it starts with our parents, and we look to our parents and and their relationship with each other first and foremost, because they're the most important relationship we know as a, you know, as a young child growing up. So if their relationship wasn't so healthy, I mean, what kind of start do we have, and what kind of odds can we look forward to? And then, you know, we start to see other relationships outside of our parents. And I think as children growing up, we take certain things in, and we kind of make up our minds about how relationships should be. For me, I don't remember having any good role models until much, much later in my life. So I had twisted perceptions about what love was, what it meant, what the responsibility was of a partner, what my responsibility was, you know, and then factor in hopes, dreams, desires, all of that, and it kind of gets muddled. So we spend our lives kind of practicing what we think a relationship should look like, and just when we think we have it down pat, somebody breaks our heart or breaks up with us suddenly, or anything like that. So it's kind of hard to formulate what we think love looks like and what we think a relationship should be. I will say that as I healed during my divorce and as I continued on my healing journey, you know, with God, what I found was that the more that I surrendered to God and I let him steer my ship, the less I had to figure it out myself. And so God was able to show me and present to me something that I've never experienced before, which was true, genuine love for someone else you I know I spoke about somebody that I was involved with during my divorce, long distance from Colorado, And it was a very eye opening and refreshing experience for me, because I had no expectations. It came out of nowhere. I was not expecting it. I was not looking for it, but I was in a state of despair at that point where I was losing hope. He was looking to stop dating altogether on his end. And I think that, you know, for both of our sakes, I think God sought it best, or thought it best to put us together. And what developed was something so beautiful that I have never experienced before. And it's funny, because I don't think that either of us would have sought each other out in our own lives, on our own, but the way that God brought us together was just it was a very magical unfolding of two souls that came together and recognized each other immediately. And what unfolded was just magic, and the fact that it happened during my divorce, instead of after my divorce, I think was so important because, you know, talk about divine timing, and I would not have planned for such a relationship at that time during my divorce, when things were so chaotic and hectic and and just so horrific. It's the only word I could come up with right now. But you know, he became my person. He was the person that I turned to when I needed support and I needed to express how I was feeling and on any given moment. And because we had such similar parenting styles, it was, it was easy for him to understand where I was coming from, plus the fact that I seriously felt that he genuinely had my back and I had his too. We only wanted the best for each other and and it was, it felt like what a relationship should be. The fact that we never met in person is like, secondary, you know, it's, it's just kind of weird to say to somebody that I had such love for another human being when we never met, and vice versa. But, you know, God works in mysterious ways, and our souls knew each other very well, very deeply, very profoundly. And I doubt I will ever meet another human being the way that I connected with this person, and I'm forever grateful for it, because I needed that as I moved forward, as I healed, as I learned more about myself and went inward and connected more with God and all of that. So you know, where I am now on my healing journey is just I feel like I am, you know, right where I need to be to have the love of my life, and because my standards are so much higher now, and because my self love and self worth and self respect and all those things, self care, all of those, you know, they they're at such high levels now that I don't want to waste my time with people who aren't worthy. So I would prefer to be single and keep doing my thing and focus on my business and focus on where I'm going in my career and all that I'm trying to build. And when the right person is ready and divine timing is at play, I know and I feel 1,000% that God will unite us. So I'm not interested in casual relationships, I'm not interested in casual sex. I'm not interested in friends with benefits. I'm not interested in anything that's low vibrational. I'm at a high vibrational point in my life, and that's what I want in a partner, and I'm not chasing anybody. I am attracting whoever needs to be in my life. And I trust that God will bring people in that will add to my life and bring value and all of that to me, and conversely, will remove anybody that doesn't belong in my life anymore, and I'm good with either. But getting back to the idea of losing yourself in a relationship, I mean, I never felt like I was losing myself in that relationship. I felt that, you know, we added to each other's lives tremendously. We gave each other great advice, great support, great friendship. It was, it was fantastic, and the fact that it ended made me very sad, but I was very clear after the pain went away, that, you know, he wasn't meant to be in my life longer than he was. And you know, clearly there was a purpose to it, and I'm so grateful for it, but I can see how now I can see how it was a stepping stone to where I'm meant to be next. But getting back to the idea of losing ourselves in relationships, I think that, you know, having done all this healing work on myself and focusing solely on myself for so long that you know, I'm ready to give my heart to somebody and not so much like give it away. That's not really what I mean. It's kind of like my heart is open, I'm ripe, I'm ready. You know, it will take a very special, genuine, authentic person to make me pay attention to them, to make me open my heart for them. Right? But I feel that, you know, I've done so much work on myself that I feel, I feel like I'm not at risk of losing myself because I've spent so much time alone after, during and after my divorce, that I'm not afraid to be alone. And I keep hearing that, you know, strong, independent women who are not afraid to be alone are very dangerous people, because we're not afraid to walk away from something or someone that doesn't serve us, meaning serving our highest good, not like serving us. So I you know, my cutoff game has gotten extremely strong, and if I'm talking to somebody or connecting with somebody, and it's no longer working for me, or I feel like it's it's too much, or it's too intrusive, or anything like that. I mean, that's it. I stopped talking to them. I don't need to give an explanation. I don't have to give a reason. I just stop talking and keep it moving. That's it. So if somebody is worthy of my time and my energy and my my effort and all of that, then I will entertain that. But I've got enough going on in my own life now, and enough, not just my business and building my career and all of that, but, you know, my interest and activities and hobbies and all of that. I mean, I have enough to fill up my day. I have enough to fill up my life, and I'm not looking for somebody to complete me. So, you know, again, it's just who is going to compliment me, not complete me. And so I think that the people who are working on themselves, or people who are just starting to work on themselves, or any point in the process, I think that this is another reason why it's so crucial to be doing this kind of healing work, because we want to have successful relationships. And how do you do that? But, you know, work on yourself first, because the more that you love yourself and care for yourself and have a higher standard for yourself, the more you'll you'll attract that. You know, the law of attraction states that we attract what we are. So if we're unhealed, we're going to attract somebody who's unhealed, and if we're healed, we're going to attract somebody who's healed. So it's a question of, you know, betting on yourself and what will come from that is so much better than what we've had or what we've gotten. I'm done with toxic relationships. I'm done with mediocre I'm done with, you know, anything that's not going to elevate me. We all want partners who are going to support us and, and, you know, be on our team and and want the best for us, and want us to be happy and support our dreams and all of that. We all want that, men and women both. But you can't get that clarity, and you can't get that depth of understanding unless you actually do the work on yourself and raise your own bar. It's kind of hard to not be healed, and then to expect that somebody else is going to be on a higher level. And then add to it, you know, the the change in dynamic in recent years about masculine versus feminine. So it used to be that the guy was like the leader, the the masculine, the one who makes decisions, the one who negotiates, who's physically strong and and they take the lead, and they plan the dates and vacations and all of those things. And the feminine was kind of like a little, you know, like more supportive role, more nurturing, caring, loving, affectionate things like that. And, you know, I used to be terrified of becoming a 1950s housewife, because back in those days, you know, the guy was very controlling and and he, you know, it was supposed to mean that they cared, but it was like, you know, being controlling and being possessive doesn't mean caring. And then the women had to kind of shrink themselves to be in that kind of marriage. And, yuck. Who wanted that? So I don't know. I just think that, you know, the the more elevated we become, the more work we do, the more healing we do, I don't know. I think it's a much better power dynamic, and it's more equal, but both roles take on de. Different traits. So the man can be super successful in his career and have all these goals and hopes and dreams in his career and success and financial abundance and things like that. And, you know, be a boss or independent and strong within himself and his own life, and have his own activities. And what I've come to understand is, you know, guys aren't interested in taking care of a woman in their own life. They don't want needy, clingy women who just want them to love them and take care of them and do things for them and like, what does the woman bring to the table in that regard. And I I've seen this and heard this and and I agree with it. I think that a woman should have her own life, have her own interests, activities, hobbies, whatever, do something for her own money. And then, I mean, look if, if a woman is financially independent, and a guy wants to still pay for her and buy things for her and take care of her hair and her nails and paying for all those things and shopping power to them. But, you know, I keep saying that even if a woman isn't financially independent, she still brings a lot to the table, you know, listening and being emotionally available to her partner and supporting him in his dreams, and and being nurturing and affectionate and caring and loving and all of those things, and emotionally stable and secure in herself, these are valuable traits that a woman brings to a man. And if he's strong and independent and secure with himself, he's going to value what she brings to his life. You know, he's out there like killing himself, trying to work and be financially stable and all of that, and to come home and and fall into the arms of his woman and for her open heart to be a safe space for him. I mean, there's a lot of value in that too. So both sides get something out of a relationship like that. But I don't know. I think that, you know, a woman needs to do the work on herself. Men need to do work on themselves. You know, the more that each can heal, the more they bring to a more successful, stable relationship and partnership, and there's a much better chance for success. You know, in the long run, I'm going to talk about different elements of dating and love and relationships after divorce in future episodes. But this was just something I was kind of thinking about and mulling around. But I'll get into different aspects of this in in future episodes as well. Anyway, thank you for listening. Catch you next week. Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach my website@podpage.com slash slash the music of life. Feel free to leave your email address. You can also leave a voicemail and share any kinds of stories or experiences or anything that you'd like to talk about. I promise I will keep you anonymous, but I assure you that whatever experiences or stories you leave for me, you are not alone, and I would love to share that with other people who are also going through similar things. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you in the Next Episode. You