Do It Differently: Letting Go, Starting Therapy, and Trusting Myself, For Once

Don't call it a comeback, but I'm back and I'm doing things differently this time. Season 2 opens with just me, talking real about what happened in the space between – the burnout from doing everything myself, the imposter syndrome that had me questioning if I belonged here, and finally starting therapy after talking about healing for so long.

I break down how Creator's Escape put me back in the game, what it's been like learning to trust a team instead of carrying it all, and why at 33 I'm finally accepting myself without the polished performance we millennials were taught to put on.

This season is sponsored by Black Stock Footage (major!), and we're diving into conversations about motherhood, career pivots, and finding softness without timelines. No highlight reels here – just life happening in real time, with guests who are walking their talk.

New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and let's build together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for tuning in to Hardwigs Softlife, the podcast. I want to let you know that this podcast is brought to you by Blackstock Footage. Blackstock Footage is a stock video platform and production agency that's all about real, intentional black representation. If you're a creator or brand looking for visuals that actually reflect our people, our energy and our stories, this is it. They've got a beautiful library of high quality clips and they're building something that really centers us. Use my code softlife10 for 10% off a year subscription. And big thanks to Blackstock Footage for supporting Hardwig Softlife and showing love to creators like me. Hey, everybody. What's going on? It's your girl, Melissa L. Atkinson. And in the words of great LL Cool J, do not call it a comeback. This is season two, episode one of Hard Way Soft Life, the podcast. If you've been rocking with me for a minute, I want to say thank you. It means a lot to me. I know that I kind of went quiet for some time and we didn't know what was going on with the podcast. And if you're new here, welcome. And thank you so much for joining me. So if you guys are new here, I just want to do a quick little reintroduction of who I am because it's crazy. It's easy to think that everybody who is watching this knows who I am already, right? So like I said, my name is Melissa. I am an Afro-Latina, first-gen American. Both of my parents are from Honduras. They each have really cool stories of how they ended up in America, and I'm sure we'll get into that one day. My dad came like on a Chiquita banana boat. I am 33 at the time of the recording of this podcast, but I'm actually going to be 34 by the time this is released. I am a lot of things, and I feel like I've lived a lot of different lives, just like everybody, right? I mean, everybody has their own unique path and trajectory of their lives, but I'm just deciding to share mine on Hardwigs Self-Life, the podcast. If we're going by titles, though, I could tell you that I'm a realtor. that I'm a veteran of the army, go army, that I'm a felon, which is a pretty interesting juxtaposition to be like, oh, I'm a felon, but also I'm a veteran. And if you didn't hear the first few episodes of my podcast, I definitely want to advise you to go back so that way you can hear all of my business in all of its glory. But yeah, I am a wife. I'm a sister and I'm a daughter. So if we're going off the titles, that's kind of who I am. I know that I mentioned already, like, hey, I went silent, right? And so for those of you guys who have been rocking with me, you know that we had three... episodes of Hard Wig Soft Life and then out of nowhere there were no episodes and there were a lot of people asking me like hey what direction is your podcast going in I'd love to be a part of it there were other people saying hey Melissa when is the next episode coming and I had no real answer I kind of just just abandoned uh doing the podcast kind of like I feel like I abandoned doing a lot of things in life, if I'm 100% honest. And it's not because of lack of care. It's not because I don't care about what I'm doing. I feel like this is a great project. I feel like this is my heart on a mic, just like I said in the first few episodes. But I am really learning in real time. And so sometimes we, I sometimes, I don't want to say we. I don't want to speak in general terms. I want to speak. as myself but sometimes I will be really excited about doing something and I put all of my all actually into doing this project or whatever it is that I'm really fixated on at the moment and I decide like okay well I'm going to do everything by myself and that is something that I've done my whole entire life and a lot of it does come from upbringing and just you know learned habits of like okay well I can just do everything by myself and I don't need anyone's help and I'm going to save money and just all the things and honestly like no one is giving you a badge of honor for doing everything by yourself like you're not getting an award for struggling more than what you need to and it's not because I want to have an award for struggling more than what I need to a lot of it is pride and I am learning in real time that pride is It can be a good trait, but pride can tell the line between pride and control and you can't control everything in life. And so I say all this to say that I started this podcast, you know, very much like with a dollar and a dream. And I was like, OK, I'm going to set up my website. I'm going to set up my photo shoot. I'm going to figure out how I'm supposed to distribute my podcast on different streaming networks. I'm going to buy a camera. I'm going to figure out how to edit it. And that's I've Absolutely crazy. You can't be a one-man show. You can, but it doesn't mean that you should. And so that's something that I'm learning in real time as well, is just because you can do something, it doesn't mean that you should do it all the time. And so I started the podcast. I got my camera. I started filming. I started setting up things that I wanted to talk about that I thought would be relevant and that other people would resonate with. And when it came time to have to edit these things and have to put it out and have a strict deadline for myself I was failing why because you can't do everything at one time there's no way that I can run a real estate business and sell people homes be a wife a present wife have a social life and then try to be like the one producer of my podcast like that's crazy and so it would be Wednesday which is the day that it would come out every two weeks and it It'd be five o'clock in the afternoon on that Wednesday. And the episode is supposed to drop at 7 p.m. And I'm still editing. And not only am I still editing, my husband's like, hey, we got to get somewhere by 630. And I'm like in the car trying to edit on my phone. It's just it's insane. And I'm although I can do these things, it's just insane. It just wasn't hitting its fullest potential, right? I was doing something that I normally do in life. Like, okay, I'm doing everything by myself and it comes out okay, but it's not reaching its fullest potential. And then I just decide to give it up because I'm burnt out, because I'm tired, because I feel like, okay, well, it didn't come out the way it was supposed to come out. It's not perfect. And... Now I just don't have faith in this project anymore. So I was starting to actually do that. I honestly was like, okay, I'm just going to abandon my podcast. I don't know what I was thinking, why I thought I could put out a podcast. I don't know why I thought people would like this podcast, which is crazy. Honestly, it doesn't make any sense to just give up so easily. But when I tell you that my give up game is so strong, it really is. It is and it's not. It's kind of an oxymoron in and of itself. I'm very persistent. But then I'm also real quick to be like, okay, well, that's not working out, so I'm not going to do it. And that's kind of where I was with my podcast. I was like, okay, well, I'm half-assing everything in my life to include half-assing every aspect of this podcast. But I'm not blind and numbers don't lie. And so I was looking at my numbers. I was seeing the cities and the territories and the different countries even where Hardwick Soft Life was being listened to. And I'm like, well, if I was able to accomplish that, as much as I accomplished with, I wouldn't say very little effort because it was a lot of effort, but you know, not fully applying myself in each avenue that you need to apply yourself for when creating a podcast, if I'm able to accomplish this, then that means that this could be something so much greater. And so if the only thing that is like, the only thing that's stopping this from being something so much greater is is me in my own pride then maybe I should really let go of that and maybe I should actually ask for help maybe I should find someone who is an expert at production maybe I should ask others in crowdsource like what do you think I should be doing and maybe I should have a different caliber of guests on my show and maybe they will be more willing to actually be on my show if I'm vulnerable and honest not only with them but also with myself so That's part of the reason why we stopped the podcast. And I'm not going to say that I came to this realization overnight. I didn't just stop the podcast and then a week later I was like, bam, I got all the answers. It did take me some time in reflection. So we stopped the podcast. I haven't put out an episode probably since like December or January. And in between that time until now, there were a lot of different reasons there were a lot of different catalysts for the change in not only who I am and how I want to continue to grow, but also like how I want to show up. And one of those things that you'll hear me talk a lot about is this season is Creators Escape. So in February, I went to Creators Escape. And remember, I told you guys that the last episode of Hardwick Softlife that I put out was probably like December or January. And honestly, if you go back and listen to it, like it sounds half assed. Like I sound tired. I didn't know what I was going to go into the studio and talk about. Like I just went and talked and then I just mashed it together and threw it out there. And I'm not very proud of that, but that's just it is what it is. And I'm not going to get rid of it either because I feel like when you first start something whether it be a podcast whether it be you're an athlete and you're trying out a new sport whether you know you're a person who wants to learn how to sing or play an instrument the first time that you ever do it is just not going to be right anyways it's not going to be perfect so we're just going to leave the episodes as they are for anyone who's new listening to go back and listen to but I just put something together and I threw it out there and then I just didn't do another podcast the following two weeks after that and the following two weeks after And then Creators Escape happened in February of 2025. And Creators Escape, shout out to Mr. Justin Story himself, by the way. Justin is a really, really good friend of mine. young guy who is he's actually one of the guests on the podcast this season but he put creators escape he's one of my favorite digital storytellers and his vision was for it to be an escape or kind of a retreat for those of us who are more artistically inclined and who are creatives and who are either on a really really large platform or even just starting out and so it was a really nice It was a really nice event that he put together in Orlando, and I'm honored that I was a part of it. So he invited me to be one of the panelists, which I gladly said yes to. I would love to be one of the panelists for it. But I also felt like, what am I going to say? I have a podcast that's kind of up in the air. And I'm a realtor. I don't really know how creative that is. And I'm supposed to be giving these people advice for who to be, how to be and how to continue growing and how to not only continue growing, but also share it with the world in a creative way. And how do they balance creativity with their work life? And I wasn't even doing it right. Like, how can I how can I get on a stage and honestly and wholly tell people how they should go about these things when they're I'm not doing such a great job. So when you are forced to rise to the occasion, you do, right? And being invited to Creators Escape was like, it was that fire in my ass that I needed a little bit. So I go to Creators Escape and I, knew that it was going to be an amazing thing. Like, I didn't underestimate Justin's ability to put together a really great event. But I don't think I was expecting exactly what I received at Creators Escape. So... just to give you guys some context, all of us that were panelists, we all got to stay under the same roof in a shared house. And so I thought that that was really awesome because we all got to know each other before the actual event. So that means that you're putting all egos aside. It gives you room to actually be like for real. My husband didn't go with me to Creators Escape, even though that meant like I was going to be away from him a few days because, and Ryan is really awesome. He's also one of my guests, but Ryan was really big on me going to this event and fully immersing myself into the experience, right? Like you... If you have someone with you or if you're staying in a separate house, all of those things can ultimately affect the final effect, right? So I 100% drove all the way to Orlando, was excited to be a panelist, didn't know what I was going to talk about exactly. I knew what my topics were, but I didn't know exactly what I was going to talk about. And I didn't know exactly what to expect, but I went in with an open heart and an open mind. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to go and just be in a creative space. And what I got was so rewarding. First and foremost, I've never seen that many black creatives in one place in my whole life. And granted, I'm not saying it doesn't exist, those spaces, because obviously there are bigger cities in different states that have events like that regularly. But I'm saying that I've never gone to anything like that. Unfortunately, And I don't want to say unfortunately, but like in Tampa, there's just not there's just not a lot of creative spaces in Tampa. Like you can find them, but there's just not a ton of them. I go to Orlando. I stay in the shared house and I start getting to know people. I'm staying under the same roof as Giovanni Samuels, who's also going to be a guest on this season. And I can't wait for you guys to hear her story. And now Giovanni Samuels was on all that. She's been on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. She is someone that myself and my brother also watched on TV. And I just I couldn't believe I was in the same house as her. I'm like, I have imposter syndrome to the extreme. Like, what am I doing staying at this house, being on the same panel as this person that I watched on TV? But she was super awesome. And she asked me, what did I do? Like, what was my creative medium? And like, what what was I doing? And I told her, oh, you know, I'm a podcaster and I'm saying this with like the ultimate, like I had secondhand embarrassment saying that I was a podcaster because I knew that if she went and looked up Hard Wakes of Life, the podcast, she probably would be like, okay, like this girl looks like she just films this podcast. This thing of her talking, the qualities are right. So, you know, I already I already knew like I'm like, damn, like I'm like down here and these people are up here. So she asked me, what did I do? I told her my podcast. And at first I wasn't so confident about it. And then she asked me for more detail about the podcast. She asked for the name of it. She asked me, where can she find it? She asked me what the podcast was about. And I explained to her, I was like, yeah, the podcast is called Hardwick Soft Life. The podcast, I told her about Ryan. I told her about how it was an interracial relationship. I told her that although the theory has, you know, a certain stigma behind it, I promise you, I am not trying to teach you how to find a white husband who is rich. Like, that's not the whole deal. I told her that obviously Hardwick Hardwigs Health Life delves into the life of us, you know, brown and black women or even just, you know, people in general, but but mainly brown and black women and how we feel like in order for us to deserve a self life, you know, every hair has to be in place. All the edges got to be laid like we have to show up, you know, fully, you fully ready and that that's not true, right? Like that could be further from the truth. That couldn't be further from the truth. We don't have to do anything to deserve a soft life. And just talking about like being able to accept the good things and the soft things that life has to offer after we've gone through chaos, after we've gone through struggle. So I shared all of this with Giovanni And she's like, wow, that sounds great. And I looked at her and I said, honestly, like, I don't even know what I'm about to do with this podcast. I'm like, I'm tired. I'm burnt out. And she said, well, why are you tired? And so this is the first time I was saying this out loud. But I told her, I said, girl, I'm tired because I'm the producer. I'm, you know, the camera person, the editor, the, you know, the marketing team, everything. And she looked at me. And the way that Giovanni would look at you sideways and was like, girl, why are you doing all that? And I'm like, I don't really know. Like, honestly, I just I want to save money. And, you know, maybe one day if this pops off and she's like, yeah, but it's not going to pop off if you're doing everything. And honestly, like it sparked that thought in me. I was like, you know what? She's right. She's right. Like I was doing pretty well. But I do see that some of my numbers are declining. It's declining because of my performance. My performance is declining because I'm trying to do 20 million things under the sun, and I'm burnt out. She's right. She goes, girl, you can hire anybody off of Fiverr, off of, you know, whatever. And I'm like, yeah, I don't really want to do that, right? Like, I don't want to just hire just anybody to help me out. But, okay, I'm going to figure it out. And we left that conversation alone. And we talked about other things and I got to know Giovanni and she was awesome. And she told me, she said, Hey, I like what you're doing. I'd love to be a guest on your podcast. You know, I talked earlier about how creators escape little fire under my eyes. Giovanni Samuels, someone who I watched on TV is telling me that they want to be on my podcast. Me, I'm Melissa from Tampa, Florida. Like I'm, you know, and I don't want to say that I think I'm nobody, but You know, I'm like, in the grand scheme of life, like, how significant am I really, right? This girl wants to be on my podcast? Oh, I got to come correct. I can't show up with my little rinky-dink camera and put it in a corner and just say, okay, we're going to sit on the couch and we're going to just talk. So when she said this to me, it made me think, okay, how am I going to really get my podcast going? But not only that, like, How am I going to be for real and secure, not only her as a guest, but maybe if I can secure her as a guest, that means I can secure other people as a guest. So we had a great night, and we had dinner with a lot of our VIP guests, and they were just really excited to meet us, the panelists, the night before Creators Escape. I think Justin was really intentional about how he set up the landscape for the event. We had a dinner with the guests. Well, we had a dinner with... the people who were VIP guests. And at that dinner, I got to meet you know stylist Jay Bolin which if you don't know him I don't know what rock you live under I didn't know him I'll be honest I don't know who he was honestly but if you don't know who he is you must be living under a rock stylist Jay Bolin styles people like Morris Chestnut Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child like a lot more famous names that I can even think of but he was at that table as a panelist Giovanni was at that table as a panelist I'm sitting at that table as a panelist and there are guests who are asking us questions about our artistry our creativity where do we get inspiration from what our normal life looks like what word are we taking into this new season of our life and these are all things that I don't think about on the regular and I don't think I'm even in an environment really regularly that would produce that kind of thought right I'm a realtor that's my nine to five like I sell people homes there's not much room to be thinking about your creative expression and to be vulnerable with yourself. I mean, it's a grind. It's hustle grind. But yeah, like nine times out of 10, I'm probably like the only creative or there is one other person who's a creative, which actually my friend, shout out to Carlea, my friend Carlea, she's a creative and we're in the same business. But yeah, like there's just not a lot of people like myself that think like me or other creatives in the environments that I'm placed in, in no shade to anybody that I work with or, you know, it's just a very different culture. It's just business. So with that being said, I sat at that dinner and I had a lot of things going through my mind. I've already had the previous conversation with Giovanni at the house about why am I doing all of the jobs and wearing all of the hats. We now walk into this dinner. I see these people that are on a much higher scale than I am sitting with me. They're my peers now. And then we've got guests who are inspired by us, who in turn are actually inspiring me by their questions. So all of that. And the next day we go to Creators Escape, right, where it's supposed to happen. Like we're supposed to be on our panel. We're supposed to be asking, you know, answering all these questions that are being asked to us. And the experience was like no other. Like I keep saying that, but I guess let me let me get into detail here. So Creators Escape. First of all, everybody looked beautiful, moisturized, hair was natural. It was gorgeous. It was like a bunch of us. It was a lot of black creatives. We did have one panelist. I think he was from London. He was really cool. I can't remember his name, but there was a joke that I kept making. I was like, oh, well, I guess you're our DEI hire for the day. And we started off the day in prayer. You know, we started off the day in prayer and everybody there was very much rooted in their faith, which, you know, I'm not the most deeply Christian person that there is or deeply religious person. But I would say, you know, I do have like Christian beliefs. Right. I mean, I feel like a lot of people out there are not like deeply rooted in religion, but do, you know, obviously you believe like you're going to be a good person. You want to follow the Ten Commandments, like all of that. And so. Yeah, like we started off in prayer. And the way that that prayer started, it wasn't just like your run of the mill, like, okay, well, thank you, Lord. Bless us, please. It was, you know, it was moving. And not only was it moving prayer that we were, not only was the prayer like very moving, but then we had everyone chiming in, you know, with their thank you, Lord, and yes, Lord, for the day. And I've never experienced that feeling. before. It was just crazy. And the gentleman who I told you was our DEI hire, you know, I'm glad he said it before I did. You know, he was like, I've never felt anything like this before. And I'm like, yeah, this is a lot, but a lot in all of the best ways possible. And then we went on stage and we each did our panels. I got to talk about the importance of pivoting and how pivoting and reframing your focus isn't failure. And I think that while I was on that stage talking about that topic, While I'm telling other people these things, I think that those were words that I needed to hear. So something that my husband always says is that sometimes the advice that we give out is the advice that we need to hear the most. And while I'm telling everyone how to reframe and how pivoting, you know, whether it be in the workplace, whether it be in the creative industry, whether it be, you know, just in life in general, isn't a failure. I started to really absorb what I was saying. We talked about real estate and business, and I talked about the importance of being business savvy. And I realized that part of the conversation really wasn't feeding my soul and my spirit. What I felt most ignited talking about was introducing myself as a podcaster first. And so, yeah, I absorbed all of those things. I absorbed the prayer. I absorbed the words that were being given by all of my peers that day who have been creating, like I said, on a much major scale than I am. And I started to believe it. Not only was I just hearing it, but I was believing it. I was like, you know what? Like, it's like you drinking the Kool-Aid, right? I'm like, you know what? If I'm here, then that means I deserve to be here. And if I deserve to be here, Well, nobody in this room is greater than the other one. Right. Like I'm just as worthy as anyone else. And everyone here believes in my in my vision, in my podcast, in the message that I have to share with the world, in my story. Everyone was so I've never you know, you live your life and you don't really feel like your life is that compelling or at least I do. I feel like, hey, I might have lived a hard life, but that's just the cards that were dealt, you know, for me. That was just the hand I was dealt. And me, you know, finessing it and changing it up as the game goes on, that's just what I've had to do to survive. So for me, I wouldn't say that, oh, it's just this remarkable thing. It doesn't feel remarkable until I tell someone and they're looking back at me and they go, oh my goodness, I can't believe you went through that. You should share more. And so I'm sitting there and all these people are telling me, Melissa, your podcast idea, the vision is there. You got to do it. You should really do it. So I'm like, okay. I think I'm going to do it. So we finished the day out and Pastor Takoa, who is also going to be a guest on this season of the podcast, she gave a prayer in some words that really just lifted me. She said that sometimes you are going to be afraid to do something because you are going to be the first to do it. And that should not deter you. Of course, she said it a lot more eloquently than what I've said it. And I thought back to like, you know, my life and people around me, my family or how it was brought up or even people I work around. And even myself, I said, you know, I thought to myself, I've suppressed certain parts of me and who I am because of fear, right? It's a fear-based mentality. And sometimes you just have to literally just like not be afraid because you're going to be the first to do something. And so... And I don't want to make it sound like I have these ideas of grandeur and I'm making myself sound bigger than what I am. But my story, my life, what I went through, I don't know who else it could help. So if it's going to be that I'm the first person to share all of this, then that's just what I have to do, whether I'm scared or not. And so I was just really moved. By the time Creators Escape finished, I got in my car. I got in my car and I started crying. So for those of you guys who don't know, I'm a crier. I cry at least three to four times a day. And the joke is... that my husband and I have is that when we walk into places and my makeup is like running down my face and I'm crying, people are going to think that Ryan has done something to mistreat me, but he hasn't. I'm just a crier. If I'm expressing emotions or something vulnerable, I'm going to cry because it's actually very difficult for me to do. It's difficult for me to do because, you know, I feel like that's a part of myself that I always shut down. When you are trying to be strong, you don't have time for feelings. You don't have time to cry. You just keep moving forward. So I got in my car and I started crying on the way back from Creators Escape. And I call my husband, I call Ryan on the way, and I'm telling Ryan, Wow, that was the most moving experience I could have ever experienced. And I feel really good being here. But I also feel like I'm not living in my truth. I feel like I'm not living at my best potential. I feel like I'm not in spaces where my expression is actually welcomed and honored and encouraged. I feel like maybe I'm not being true to myself, even down to what I was wearing that day. Honestly, I wore what I thought other people would have expected a person like me to wear. Now, what do I think other people think of me as a person? I don't know right nor should it really be my business but I wore what I thought was acceptable I wore a nice white outfit you know very clean cut blazer makeup done to the nines hair my hair was something I struggled with honestly because I don't normally wear braids I normally wear my hair very nice and sleek and long and 22 inches minimum to perfection and I've been wearing braids because I told myself that this year I was gonna you know embrace my my natural hair and I'm starting from scratch growing it out for the 20th time and this time we're actually going to grow it out but I say all that to say that you know I did what I thought I went in there portraying what I thought would have been expected of me and came out with a completely different outlook so I got in the car I'm crying I'm telling Ryan all about the experience and my husband is on the other end he's in Tampa Florida he's panicking he doesn't know what is going on he's like Do we need to move? Do we need to be where the black creative people are? What do I need to do? Do we need to sell the house to make extra money for that? Are you unhappy? I don't want my wife to be unhappy. He is panicking, but kudos to Ryan because he is handling it like a champ and he's just talking me through it. And I tell him I really don't know what I need. I don't know what I need to do, but I do think that I need to be true to myself. I don't think that I should be putting my... all my ducks in a row or all my eggs in one basket where I feel like it's the safest. You know, I'm a realtor, but, and I know I'm putting a lot of energy in that, but I do feel like, you know, with your support, if it's okay, can I just step away from that and really, really like jump into my creative, really just jump into my creative sauce, you know, really, really, get into my podcasting and so Ryan was like whatever we got to do like I just want you to be happy and I feel like you're not happy and I'm like yeah you know I just don't think I've been happy with myself it's not a you thing it's not a personal thing whatever so I uh park my car I'm finally at the house the shared home where we're staying and um the first person I see is Delano A. Johnson. Now, Delano A. Johnson was also part of the creator's escape. He's most known for being the smoothest voice on Clubhouse. And I never met him before this, but he is awesome people. And he's a New Yorker originally. And I think he lived in New York all the way up until 15 months ago, he said. And so he's a guy that you know he's going to give it to you like straight, no chaser, no fluff. very very straightforward kind of person and those are my favorite type of people honestly because I feel like I'm like that and I feel like you always know where you stand with people like that and so he sees me and I tell him he sees me crying obviously I'm gonna explain why I'm crying right and I'm like yeah I just got off the phone with my husband but he didn't say anything bad I just wow like how do you feel after creators escape I'm just really moved by everything that happened and He was like, yeah, that's really good. And I go, I just, I don't know about my podcast. I don't know how I'm going to continue it, but I know I have to continue it. And he's like, yeah, you really should. And so I was... feeling self-doubt right and I also was feeling kind of crazy because can you imagine we just left something so positive we left something so great and I gave all these wonderful words to people of advice and we leave and not even 30 minutes later I'm crying like I'm a hot mess I'm like this guy doesn't know me from a can of paint he's gonna be like what is wrong with this girl like why is she crying like this why was she crying talking to her husband about this so I'm explaining everything and I'm also trying to be mindful I'm like he doesn't know me that well One, I don't want you to think I'm insane. But two, I don't want you to think like my husband's not supportive. He's super supportive. You know, I'm unhappy because I'm unhappy, not because anyone's made me unhappy. And that also like that self-talk is also something I've been. Realizing I think way too much about what the other person is thinking. That in itself is insane. To be having a dialogue where you're trying to reconcile how you feel. And also explain to someone how you feel. But in that explanation also trying to figure out what they feel about how you feel. And how they're interpreting it. That is wild. But that's what I was doing in that moment. And Delano gave me some really... He inspired me. And not only did he inspire me, he encouraged me. He said, listen, Melissa, your husband sounds like a great guy. And I'm like, oh my God, like he is. You know, I'm like crying and sniffling. And I'm like, he is such a great guy. And he's like, and he sounds like he really wants to support you, but you got to figure out what you want to do. And I'm like, you're right. I got to figure out what I want to do. And then he's like, and then you just got to do it. I'm like, you're right. I just got to execute. Okay. You know, he's giving it to me in steps, right? And then he tells me, listen, Melissa, He goes, you're a person that you can make a million dollars in New York. He's like, you know how hard it is for somebody to make a million dollars in New York? That means that you've got to sell to other New Yorkers. And other New Yorkers are not buying what you're selling. They don't even have time to hear about what you're selling. He's like, but you, you got it. You got the sauce. You can do it. Your story, one in a million. You should share it. You should be authentic with yourself. And That made me feel really good. You know, someone who, he doesn't really know me. I just met him. It was really encouraging. And someone who is very successful, wildly successful, in my opinion. Well, I guess not even in my opinion. He's wildly successful. Telling me that? Oh, you better believe I'm going to get it started. We're going to get it popping. And that's what I did. You know, I spent the rest of my time at Creators Escape. Having a great time with my housemates for the time that we were there. We ate food, we sang songs, we watched music videos, we talked about childhood stories. We drank a little champagne because I love a little champagne, some Prosecco, some Brut, which I'm on a really weird diet right now. I'm trying to lay off of it, but little bubbles ain't never hurt nobody. And I came home really excited and really amped up. So basically... That's what re-sparked my inspiration to come back and reboot Hardwigs of Life. I came back home and I think a week or so later, I actually got invited by Imani to an event that he was doing out here in Tampa. A huge shout out to Imani and Sabrina. This season of Hardwigs of Life, the podcast, would not be as aesthetically pleasing as cohesive, just as good in general because they've taken a lot of the weight off of my shoulders for me to really think about what I want to produce and how I would like to produce it. It just wouldn't be what it is without Sabrina and Imani over at Blackstock Footage. Blackstock Footage is doing the Lord's work with Hardwigs of Life. But I don't want to reduce them to just doing the camera and like the editing work because Blackstock Footage is a phenomenal company. So I used to work in human resources in my past life and I can remember going on to websites for different jobs that I was going to interview for perhaps or just even companies that I did already work for and I can remember going on the website and never seeing anybody who looked like me on the website a lot of those websites and a lot of the videos that they use for like training purposes at any job they use stock footage stock footage is very normal in that in those industries like if you don't have actual like they're not going to do an actual photo shoot right if you work for a company they might sometimes but for the most part they're going to just go online and they're going to look for A lot of the time in those pictures, you just don't see a lot of brown or black people. Like, I mean, it's just by design. You just don't. You might see like one or two and then like an Asian person sprinkled in. But that's about it. Black Stock Footage is a company that actually is filling in the gaps where there are gaps when it comes to stock footage. The whole thing is it's exactly what it is. It's black stock footage. footage. You're able to go on the website and you're able to find black people in different settings that you probably wouldn't even think of, but you may need if you need some stock footage. One of the best examples of like, I guess like a random thing, right, that you wouldn't think that you want footage of a black person for or you wouldn't need it is an example that Sabrina gave me not too long ago. And it was a black equestrian. I really, you know, when I hear the word cowboy, I don't really think a black person, right? But what if I needed to make a website and I needed to show a representation and let's say this website was about cowboys? Well, there are different people who are baby cowboys. So now I need a picture of a black equestrian, someone who is riding a horse or someone who deals on a farm. Where would I find something like that? I need to go to blackstockfootage.io. I think that their concept for the company is actually a phenomenal one. And with Hardwig Soft Life, any sponsorships that I do acquire, I don't want it to be a sponsorship just for it being a sponsorship. I want it to be something that aligns with my brand and something that Hardwig Soft Life can align with you know, whomever else's brand. And I feel like we have a really great, you know, marriage here with Blackstock footage. So I'm very grateful to Sabrina and Imani. Sabrina puts up with my craziness a lot, but kudos to her. And I couldn't do this without her. So I say all this to say that we do have a sponsor. I say all this to say that I do have help this season. And Let me rewind just a little bit because I know that we went, you know, on a tangent talking about Blackstock footage. But I came back from Orlando and I got invited by Imani and Sabrina, you know, for an event that they were throwing. And it was a creative kind of event. And I'm like, OK, I'm going to go to this. I'm really amped. And I think when I'm here, I think I'm going to ask them if they wouldn't mind, you know, helping me out a little bit with like, you know, the camera stuff, because it's just not my steez and they have amazing work. By this point, I had already confirmed with Giovanni that she would be a guest on my show. I had already set up, you know, all of the trip stuff with my husband. He was like, yeah, let's just let's go to Atlanta. Let's just go interview some people. And all I needed was someone to come help me with filming this whole experience. So I go to the event and I'm excited to see Imani. I'm excited to see Sabrina. And I tell them, hey, I think I have a really, really, really great opportunity for the two of us. I want to share it with you guys. I was super excited. I was smiling from ear to ear. Like I looked like a lunatic probably when I pulled up to the scene. But it was just because I was so hyped. I was so amped to tell them what I had in mind. My only fear was that they would say, hey, we're really busy. We can't do it. Or that they would just be like, just not into it at all. Right. And I have a fear of rejection, which I feel like who doesn't have a fear of rejection. Right. It's not that uncommon. But I think my fear of rejection is like it's kind of extreme to the point where I won't. And that goes also with like my pride. Right. Like I probably won't ask for help because I don't want people to say no. I'm afraid they're going to say no. I'm afraid, you know, just fear. Right. So anyways, they seemed really excited and we did talk about it. Not at great length, but we did talk about it. And yeah, like they actually agreed. They actually liked what I had going on. And so we packed up our bags and Sabrina and I went to Atlanta and we interviewed a few people. And when I saw the work that was being produced, I was like, wow, like I should have done this a lot sooner. You know, I was in my own way. Like I could have done this months ago. I also don't think that I was in a space months before, though, to really receive. I think I needed to go to Creators Escape. Like, that was the catalyst for change for me. I also, with the podcast, you know, in this whole... The podcast is kind of like a mirror to my life, right? Like, this is me being really, really real on camera. This is me being really, really real and vulnerable with everybody. It's a mirror to my life. I think I also was... I was telling people about being healed and healing because I felt like I was healed and healing. And I realized very quickly, like, no, like, you're not. So... In the same breath that I'm learning to ask for help, as Sabrina and I are going on trips to interview all of our guests, I'm also being really reflective and saying hard weeks of life is about being soft. It's about healing after trauma. It's about being the best you that you can be. But while I'm telling other people how to be the best them that they can be, am I really being the best Melissa that Melissa can be? And I can't preach what I don't practice. So while all this is happening and I'm being really reflective, I decided that the best thing for me to do would be to go ahead and start therapy. So that's been an adventure. I'm not going to lie and be like, oh, I'm healed. I mean, even though in my mind I feel like, I'm healed. But I have an amazing therapist and we have been unpacking a lot and it's been making, it's been helping me to make strides in my personal life, but also in my creative life. I'm learning to be really open and honest, which is what this podcast is all about and what the original idea is. And the original motive and intent for it was, I think that by the time I hit my third episode, I feel like I was kind of performing, performing being healed. And I wasn't like intentionally, you know, trying to like lie to anybody, right? It's more of, a lot of it is generational. There's just a lot of stuff to unpack here. But by the time I hit my third episode, obviously I wasn't balancing my life well. I wasn't balancing my work life. I wasn't balancing my creative life. I wasn't balancing the podcast. I just wasn't balancing anything. And I was still pushing myself to, okay, I got it. I got to show up. I got to do this podcast. I got to wear all the million hats and the episodes got to be good. And it got to a point where I was like talking about stuff, but I didn't really feel like I didn't feel like it was good. It just was just to fill space, just to say I did it. And so there's that portion of it. But then there's also I'm a millennial. And I think that growing up in the wake of social media, like if I want to get really existential about it and, you know, philosophical, growing up in the wake of social media, millennials learn everything. to package and polish and pretty things up really well right we grew up when youtube started and youtube is now what it is, right? We've got a bunch of creators and there's like super cool editing you can do and you have to like make sure everything is pretty and aesthetically pleasing and even the way we decorate our homes, right? Like we like that grayish kind of look, the neutrals, everything's got to be pristine and perfect. And millennials, we didn't really learn from the generation before us That it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay not to be curated. It's okay not to be artisanal. It doesn't have to be perfect. We were taught to be the opposite. We were taught to be polished and pretty and packaged. And I think it gives, honestly, it really gives. Yeah, you could be traumatized, but make it cute. You could be healing, but make it pretty. And I feel like that's what I was doing. Like I felt like because I was in the safest environment, place in my life that I've ever been, which is, it's not saying a lot anyways, but it, I am in a really good spot and I am stable. I'm in the most stable place I've ever been in my life. That doesn't mean that you're healed. That just means that you're more stable from chaos. So while I'm telling other people, oh, you know, you got to heal the soft life era. I'm not practicing it. Soft life is a lot deeper than I'm not doing. I was not doing the inner work. Soft life is a lot deeper than just getting my nails done every two weeks. It's a lot deeper than going to get a facial once a month. It's a lot deeper than, oh, I'm going to have lunch with the girls, and if something doesn't serve me, I'm just going to rid it of my life. There's a lot more work that goes into soft life. Soft life is not easy. Soft life is not soft. Soft life is hard. So... Although my intention was to really illustrate all that to people by way of podcast, I don't think that I was actively practicing it in the best way. So this whole reboot has been a lot of reflection. It has been a lot of forgiveness to myself. It has been a lot of unpacking the unpretty things that I like to keep in a nice little suitcase. And it has been holding myself accountable, also learning things that I didn't think I was capable of learning, like the art of delegation, the art of sharing, the art of trusting other people with my vision in order to make a much better vision than maybe I by myself had envisioned. So it has been a labor of love. It has been a lesson in life. And yeah, like that's what we have to look forward to in season two. I'm super grateful again for Blackstock footage for all that they've been doing for me, because honestly, without them, I wouldn't be able to bring this to life. But it took a lot of took a lot of self-reflection. to get to this point. So if you're still at this point in the podcast, I'm going to thank you again just for continuing to rock with me. And I kind of just want to tell you guys like this season, I'm thrilled actually this season. Like the last time I kind of was just piecemealing things together. I was just trying to figure out and muddle through how to do a podcast, right? And And I feel like I went through that beginning stage, like I told you earlier today when we were talking about trying a new sport or learning to play an instrument or anything new that you're doing. The execution is just never perfect, right? So I feel like it was necessary for me to go through those real ghetto stages at the beginning of this podcast, and we've made it through. And so this season, oh my God, this season is going to be so lit. Aside from Blackstock footage helping me out, y'all, right? There's my sponsorship. And by the way, if there are any companies that want to work with me, sync up with me, let's go ahead and talk and see if it aligns on both ends. But my guest list out of this world, quick rundown. I mean, I learned in therapy that I be lying a lot, right? Like when people ask me like, oh, how are you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm good. I'm great. Everything is wonderful. And then I'm like, no, let me catch myself. I'm lying. So I'm not going to give you a quick rundown. It is going to be long-winded because it deserves to be long-winded. But some of the guests that we have on the podcast, we've got Giovanni Samuels, who I mentioned earlier, and she was on all that. She was on The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. She was on one of the Bring It On movies. She was on Freedom Riders. She's a legend, icon, love her. And the fact of the matter is she's actually amazing in person too. thrilled that I even know her as a person. We got to talk to Monique Escarillo. Monique is like the black Kris Jenner, but without all the weird... demon illuminati stuff that the kardashian people got going on um she has four amazing kids uh one of them who have gotten to me her name is bali uh but she is the mom she's the momager to all four of her kids and they are all social media personalities um they're on tiktok they're on twitch and although her kids are very well known like brooklyn frost the shade frost amari frost we know bali um although all of her kids are really well known i got to really get to know monique so that's an episode i can't can't wait for you guys to to listen to we got to talk to Tracy Baker Simmons we get to talk to her this season I'm super amped for that so Tracy Baker Simmons is actually a woman who worked for Bravo at one point when I met her she was working for Bravo she is a pioneer in reality TV and she actually created being Bobby Brown so like yeah like the fact that she's sitting with me It's phenomenal. Who else? Who else are we talking to this season? We get to talk to my husband. We get to talk to Ryan. And I can't wait for you guys to all meet Ryan. I feel like a lot of people know me. I'm the extroverted one. But not a lot of people get to know my husband. And honestly, even if you do meet him, you really don't know who he is until like the fourth or fifth time that you're around him. A lot of it is, a lot of people will say he's shy, but he's not shy. That man is selectively social. When I met him, I thought that he talked a lot. But that's just because he liked me. So I can't wait for that interview. But that's just a quick sneak peek of some of the people that we get to interview this season. And so, like I said, I mean, I don't even want to really, I've been calling it a season two. And I say that because I kind of want to separate the first few episodes from what we're doing right now. And the first few episodes will stay up as is because I feel like without that background knowledge of who I am and some of the trauma that I went through and some of the things that I've had to triumph over, you don't really get the full picture for what hard wig soft life is to me and how it correlates. But that's just a little... peak of what we're going to who we're going to be talking to now what we will be talking about we will be talking about motherhood you know that's a really big thing for me I we Ryan and I actually put a pause on deciding to be parents this year in 2025 I felt like there were still a lot of things that I wanted to accomplish and I just feel like you really have to be in the right space to have a baby I'm very excited to do it but you know you just got to be ready and I know that you're never really ready but you got to be ready