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Maximalist Life
This is Maximalist Life, with Brianna Gamble and Tamika Stringfellow. This unfiltered podcast is your permission slip to chase after everything you damn well desire.
Join us as we dish out no-holds-barred conversations and invite you to step into a life filled with limitless possibilities. Forget fear and embrace the maximalist mentality with us every week.
Get ready to experience piss your pants laughter, cringe-worthy truths, and be inspired to break free from living a mediocre life.
Maximalist Life
Ep 8 - Living Fully, Even When Life Isn’t Perfect
Episode Summary:
Finding joy when life feels messy isn’t always easy, but it’s something we all deserve. In this episode, we get real about how trauma and perfectionism can hold us back, and why waiting for the "perfect" time to heal or be happy is a trap. Spoiler: That time doesn’t exist. Instead, we’re focusing on small, actionable steps that help us move forward—because joy isn’t something you find, it’s something you create.
- 💭 How trauma impacts our ability to fully embrace happiness
- 🚧 Perfectionism = the ultimate procrastination tool
- 🎯 Why you have to start before you feel ready
- 🌈 Reclaiming joy while dealing with struggles (not after)
- 🔄 Healing isn’t linear—let’s talk about that
- ✨ Taking small, bold steps toward a fuller, more authentic life
If you’ve been waiting for a sign to just start—this is it. 💛
Stay Connected:
📲 Follow us on Instagram: @maximalistlifepodcast
🎙️ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify – it helps us so much!
Welcome to maximalist life. I'm your host, briana and I'm your host.
Speaker 2:Tamika, yeah, you said it. I'm never doing it again.
Speaker 1:You are a host just as much as I'm a host no, I'm not a host, you're not you're just here yeah, I'm just here to hang out, I'm here for
Speaker 1:the fun good, I was thinking today. You know we talk about this maximalist life stuff and a lot of women they want to do maximalist things in their life, but one thing that's really hard is having things that might hold you back from maybe going after anything maximalist in your life, like whether that's whatever situation you're in, or maybe if you have some type of trauma that you're not healed from it kind of makes it hard to feel like you can live your life fully.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think feeling like, oh, everything has to be like this perfect scenario where you have to be fully okay in, like, your mental space, to like take on these tasks or, to, you know, kind of like we talked about before, just have the mental capacity to be able to take on something new. Or to, you know, kind of like we talked about before, just have the mental capacity to be able to take on something new. Or to you know, go on a trip. You're just like, I'm just like not there, I'm not all okay with everything yet, and so I'm waiting for that time. But like, so then you're waiting to live a little bit.
Speaker 2:And I think people get stuck in that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it could be something as small as even like you like, let's say, you go, not even on a vacation, like, let's just say you go to the beach or something, or you're at the pool with your kids or you're, and you are not enjoying yourself. Like you, it's this like perfect, like sunny beach day and everyone's having fun and you are holding yourself back from enjoying time in the water with your kids because you're so caught up in like you're not okay with how you look in your bathing suit, or something like that where it's.
Speaker 1:It could be something as small as that, which that's not. I mean it's not a small thing yeah but you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like it could be something just as simple as that where I mean we talked about in a previous episode. I mean not even enjoying like sexual experiences fully, because you're worried about what you look like or what someone else you know. The other person is thinking about what you look like, yeah, instead of just being present in the moment, and so it could be something where it's holding you back from being present in moments that are happening in your life yeah, or holding you back from pursuing things that you want to pursue because things aren't perfect.
Speaker 1:I mean, this podcast is a really good example because, we put it off for a really long time because of that same reason, like we didn't have um a set.
Speaker 2:We didn't have a set, a place to record. I mean, still technically we don't have a place to record.
Speaker 1:We just have this makeshift room that we put together and we were like, oh, the audio isn't perfect, like we just kept re-recording the same episodes and messing with it and being like we can't put it out because it's not perfect yet, and like tweaking things until finally we were just like fuck this, like let's just put it out there, and who cares? And you know, we have this whole plan. Like we want to have youtube and tiktok and all this stuff kind of set up, but you can't wait to.
Speaker 2:We have to start and just grow from. Yeah, yeah, like we should have like all these cameras going and it should feel like really real and authentic and all that stuff. But it's just like this is real and authentic for us, right?
Speaker 1:yeah, like we want to have, um, you know, in our ideal setup, and one of the reasons we kind of held off too was we wanted to have yeah, we wanted three different cameras going at different times, and which we do, you know. Obviously we have professional cameras here. We're recording in our photo studio. Yeah, but it was like in order for us to set up all these cameras. It's just so much. We don't have a producer. I mean, we do have our producer, christina, yeah, but we didn't have.
Speaker 2:We didn't have her before yeah, and also just like it taking longer to edit the videos on a professional camera and deciding like, okay, is this just going to be audio or not? Even as far as, like brianna really did not want to like wear cute outfits or like.
Speaker 2:I just didn't want to do video yeah, she didn't want to do video, and part of that, though, is that, like you have to get ready, you have to like you can't look like shit and like be on camera that was part of it, because I was like I didn't want it to hold us back from being able to record.
Speaker 1:I was like, if we are just doing audio, we can record anytime yep, anytime. Also, the audio would be better because we don't have to have this set where, like you have this set where the audio isn't perfect because it's a big space, it has high ceilings. It's not like this padded area where, yeah, we could just record sitting in a closet and it would sound a lot better. Um, we can record in our cubby hole, a little hobbit hole over there but, we didn't want to.
Speaker 1:You know we didn't want to do that and I also, yeah, I didn't want to take longer to edit episodes afterwards. And so, yeah, we're just recording right now video on an iPhone, on a tripod, and whatever we're just putting out there and we're going, because I think a big thing that people don't realize is that clarity comes after the action happens so it's like, as you're doing things and starting, you start to get a little bit more clear-minded about what it is you want and your vision, and then you can kind of take the next little step forward.
Speaker 2:So that can be true in anything in your business, whatever.
Speaker 1:So instead of just holding yourself back because everything isn't perfect or even just good enough, we kind of just wait, and then it never happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think for me, I always just think like, oh, we'll just start it, you know like it'll get, it'll look better, it'll become cleaner, it'll like. But you always want it to be so perfect before we get going, and I'm always like we just always want it to be so perfect before we get going and I'm like we just need to start it, we just need to go. You know, like we have to just jump. I always think we just have to jump off the cliff, right, and that is to my own detriment too, like I. You know that affects me later on in life, because I I don't take the time. But for the most part, I think that for me, I just need to jump, or right, I won't start it if I keep thinking about all these things that are going to hold me back because of that.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it could be something too, where you are not really living your life fully or enjoying your life and giving yourself permission to have joy because of trauma, yeah, I mean. So I guess an example for me is when I was going through my divorce. Well, okay, I should actually back up Before my divorce was even happening. So we were still married and we were still trying to make it work. There was like a year of my life that was in limbo Because I was still in this marriage and I really wanted it to work so bad. And so I'm like we're going to.
Speaker 2:We're going to do all these things. You were going through extensive therapy. I mean it was crazy, it was just so much. Yeah, and.
Speaker 1:I, but in that year I just it's like I was pulled, and I, I'm sure anyone who's gone through divorce or the end of a long relationship or whatever. You have felt this, where you have this internal struggle of Sometimes you want it to work so bad and you want to put forth all this effort to make it work, and then other times you feel like I should just walk away, yeah, and you don't know which way to go and you're pulled in direction. The next thing you're pulled in another direction and you're just you are. You're in this limbo state where then it's easy to just stay stagnant and not enjoy your life, because you're like I need to, I need to wait until I get this figured out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I need to wait until I can like actually decide how to move forward in my relationship before anything else in my life can be happening and for that year I just I couldn't do that. I, I couldn't just sit there for a year and do nothing. And so for that year it was I mean, it was really awful and. I had a lot of times where I mean I feel like I was just crying a lot you were.
Speaker 2:He's like literally come in and tell us like what happened at therapy and you'd be crying or you'd be on the phone.
Speaker 1:I'm just like, oh my god, it's poor lady it's like, and I just come in and then I would have. I would have to, like, go in the back, finish crying and then get my shit together to go meet a client for a shoot. It was like I just had to keep coming to work and putting myself in kind of day-to-day situations and being around people that I felt like were supportive, yeah, and things like that, because just sitting at home wallowing in my own sorrow wasn't gonna help yeah, I think you give your times, yourself time to wallow, and then you have to, like, pick yourself up, tits up and go around the world.
Speaker 1:Go around the world with your tits up. Well, and the thing too. It's like there was a time there was, uh, I would say maybe six months, maybe the last six months of it, where I knew. I knew the marriage was going to end.
Speaker 1:I knew like I knew it wasn't going to last. I knew I should walk away, but I wasn't ready. And I think people get stuck in that too, where you know the next step you should take, but you're so scared, yeah, You're so scary and you're just like I can't, like I, just I, I don't know if I should, if it's right, but I, I know it is, but I don't want to admit it.
Speaker 2:And I just had to keep like cause we were going to have our families over for the holidays. Yeah, I remember this. I forgot about this.
Speaker 1:We were hosting, yeah, both of our families for Thanksgiving and Christmas and I could have been like this is too much and you know we can't do this. But I was. I felt like I don't want to miss out on having these holidays with my family or with our kids, because that was the thing too. I mean, we both had kids. It was a blended family, and I was like I just am going to enjoy, even though in my head I know this is probably our, like this could be our last, you know, thanksgiving or Christmas together. I wanted to just enjoy that and not and just be like I'm gonna try to be present, I'm gonna try and have fun with my kids and our family, yeah, and not just you're constantly upset and wanting to cry and thinking about how this marriage is gonna end right, and so it's just like reframing my mindset.
Speaker 1:A little bit and we still went on vacations because we had vacations already planned yeah, you did with my family. Um, and yeah, it was tough, like there were multiple times throughout our vacation. We went on where I was like I can't do this and I just had to go in the room and cry about it or be mad about it, yeah, and then just come back and then create these memories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, with my family.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so it's tough. And then after once the divorce kind of started, then there was a time where I wasn't ready to date yet, I wasn't ready to get into this next relationship, but I didn't want to let that prevent me from having fun. I felt like and I'm not talking immediately after, but you know, a few months later and I'm like, okay, I'm not ready to jump into a long-term relationship right now, but I think maybe I should go on some dates, Maybe I should just put myself out there and it was terrifying and it was so scary and I was like I'm not really ready for this. But I think one thing that we don't really consider either is that taking those steps and moving through these little experiences sometimes accelerates our healing yes yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So it was like, okay, I can't just wait till I go to like two more years of therapy and be fully, you know, healed from this whole situation before I put myself out there to enjoy myself and, you know, have these experiences. I need to do those in order to get to that point of being fully healed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I agree this. It's so tough to just like live in the trauma and live in your situation and live into your mental health. Um, so for me, I feel like, on a very large scale, I do this a lot, um, my okay. So first of all, I'm really like jokey with my trauma. So I don't mean to offend anyone because that's how I deal with my shit. Um, but for me so I was molested by my stepdad from second grade until I was like in seventh grade, right, and so I mean I went to therapy and stuff when I was a lot younger and you know, and I feel like a lot of me is uh, broken still.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think that that's just like a hole you can never really fix, you know, but I still feel like I should go out and take on the world every day, like even though, like there are times when I was literally on the way to work to do someone's hair and like I have to be on right and halfway getting there, or like I'm like three minutes from there and I am literally sweating and I'm having start, the panic attack is coming right because whatever reason, whatever trigger or whatever, and I would go into Starbucks and I. This is so disgusting, but like this is how bad it was. I would lay on the bathroom floor because it was cold, yeah, and I felt sick. You know, I was gonna throw up or I was going to like poop my pants, right, I got to get to, I got to get to a bathroom. You know shit myself, yeah, and I would really just try to breathe it out. And good thing that I would always try to be early for my client, right, so I'm not in the bathroom, in the salon or whatever, and then I would literally get off the bathroom floor, collect myself and just have to just move on, yeah, and just like I have to live my life.
Speaker 2:I have children, I have a husband that, like I can't, well, I should always take time to heal myself. I don't want to live in that. Yeah, I cannot live in that. And I do jokingly use it as a crutch, like I'll be, like I'm crazy, or my kids will be like mom, you're just like always doing this or that, or like you're yelling or whatever, and I just go. Well, I was molested. What do you want me?
Speaker 1:to do? You do? You do that a lot, and then everyone's like, oh God, we all know're a molester.
Speaker 2:You know I don't say it often I like shock value, you know, if you know me. But so I do feel like when you're broken that way and there is, and some people say they can fully recover, and yeah, I could go to so much therapy, but for me, going to therapy I could do it, but I don't like to sit in it too much. I hate sitting, sitting in it because, like, I just try to find relief after but I can't just continuously do that all the time. I can't, you know, and I don't know if, like you can ever come to the point with, like any kind of abuse or anything where you don't think of it and like it doesn't like affect you ever yeah like, yeah, I don't, so I don't.
Speaker 2:It goes to my mentality of like I don't want to be a victim. I am a victim of what happened to me and so that I'll carry that with me always. But I always want to be happy and that's probably me filling my hole. But it works for me and I try to do it in not an unhealthy way. Right. And I think you can be a victim and also not have that be your identity, Right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah. Yep, yeah, because sometimes that is what people do and they have a hard time like moving forward with their life and they say, and they have this victim mentality, it just holds you back.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you have to always be moving forward.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, I think that's. The point is that, like I, you should go to therapy and whatever that means to you. You have to find it for yourself. You know, Um, but for me, in doing things as far as just even daily things and finding joy and being happy, I can't sit in that too long.
Speaker 2:Like my trauma and look back on it. I can't let that hold me back. I think I for me, I think it's natural to think about and that it's part of my story, you know of like how I push through things, but like I can't let it hold me back on the things that I'm like cause I'm scared to do things like you know, I can't hold it back.
Speaker 2:It can't hold me back on like sexual things that I want to do with my husband or like you know, stuff like that, or like just being nervous about things. Like you know, there's a lot of little things. How, like that, it has affected me in like little ways that like wouldn't even be like sexually, in sexual ways or whatever, of doing things. And I have to get over that. I have to just keep going and keep moving and I think that that's true. I mean, that's on a very big scale of what I'm talking about, but just on little scales where you're saying, like I'm too heavy to like wear this outfit. You know, but maybe wearing that outfit at this heavy time just makes you feel more fun and makes you feel happy and you feel good. And that's what matters, you know, is that you feel good and you feel happy, that you're living a life and not like watching everyone live theirs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Right acknowledge enough is that your, whatever you like, your sadness or your not okay-ness can exist in the same reality as joy or they say like two truths yeah, can exist at the same time, yeah and even about the same things.
Speaker 1:So like, for example, I could be I, I a couple years ago, I felt like I and I think I was telling you this I felt like, with work, okay, with the studio, on one hand, I was feeling like there's you know, xyz, that I feel like is successful about the studio, and I feel excited about these other things that are happening in my career, but at the same, in the same sentence, I also feel extremely stressed. I feel nervous about where our next client is going to come from. I feel overwhelmed at the thought of I have eight employees whose well-being relies on me being able to keep this business afloat.
Speaker 2:Like there can be these things that exist together yeah, for sure that can be true for any of this stuff, mm-hmm yeah, you could feel uncomfortable in your own skin but also feel comfortable. I keep going back to outfits. I think it's just like a simple way for me to think about it but like uncomfortable in your own skin, whether that's like sexually, whether it's like weight or whatever, and then you put this outfit on and then you feel good and it's still both. You're just having the courage to do it.
Speaker 1:Well, stuff like that too, Even if you start like, let's say, yeah, you're not comfortable with your body, but you start just making an effort to dress a little bit better, or you put color in your in, like your wardrobe Something, yeah, any smallest thing where basically you're, you're just not trying to like, you don't just hide your body with your clothes.
Speaker 1:You actually are like, okay, even though I'm not okay with how my body looks, I'm still gonna, I want to wear something that I feel is cute. I feel like it's, I feel really good in this. That gives you, it's like these tiny moments that build the most micro amount of confidence. And then it starts to build momentum, yeah, and so it gets you on this track where you go, okay, well, actually, now that I did that and I feel pretty confident today in what I look like, then you start to treat yourself nicer, yeah, and so maybe that just means like, yeah, I'm gonna go take my dog on a walk today. I'm gonna like move my body a little bit more, and then maybe you are. It kind of gives you the momentum to take these steps, to maybe even making your body more into what you want it to look like. Uh, it could, it could be any anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think you like really you said it well like treat yourself nice. This is I. Sometimes I like bad talk myself, of course, right, everyone does, and Drew and the kids are always like you better treat my wife better than what Drew says. Like don't talk about my mom like that, and like I think that that is true is like we abuse ourselves. Oh yeah, right, and but we would never. I mean some people do, but like I would never abuse my husband and kids. But why is it that I think I'm okay Like abusing myself?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what am I?
Speaker 2:doing yeah, that's not okay. I would never talk to someone the way that I talk in my head internally to myself. Yeah, and just be like look at your fucking fat stomach, yeah. Or look at like your fucking yeah right, Right. Look at your saggy boobs or whatever it is you know. Look at this stretch mark or look at this role, Like I would never say or think that about anyone else. So why do I think it's okay to say that shit to myself?
Speaker 1:That's fucked up. Yeah, I was, um, I was reading this book. I told you about this book before. It's called love life and it is partially about relationships and dating and things like that. But there's a whole section in this book, a huge section, about, uh, building your just like building yourself confidence or or, I guess, like giving yourself permission to have like nice things or and so one thing he was saying is uh, it's written by a guy, he's actually a dating coach and he was saying he would do these seminars and it's always it's all women.
Speaker 1:So he would do these seminars and he would ask a question like why are you nice to your kids? Or like why are you nice to your kids?
Speaker 2:Or like why are you nice?
Speaker 1:to your husband I'm mean to my kids actually, or something and their answer is, like you know, they would say these little things, but it's always like he would say well, why are you, why do you deserve to be like, treated nice or what you? Know, and they would have these reasons and he was like no, the reason isn't because you like well, like, why do you deserve it, basically? And so they would give all these little reasons that were based off of like achievements or based off of like like oh, I've earned it because of this or whatever, and he's like no, like.
Speaker 1:If I ask you, why are you nice to your kids? It's always like well, because they're my kids, like. But you're never just like, oh, I'm nice to myself, because because it's myself right. So why is that not a given, like it is with everyone else, like oh well, yeah, why do I uh, you know, want to be nice to my friends? Or why do I feel like I, they deserve something?
Speaker 2:well, because they're my friend you're right, it's always this answer right well, because that's just who they are right.
Speaker 1:Well, that's never the answer about yourself, no, and so it made me think like, hmm, that's true, like you're, it's always like I have to earn it somehow when you don't.
Speaker 2:It's just right how it should be the bare minimum it should be your unconditional love for yourself, but we're we don't treat ourselves like that. It's really hard, it is. So then, if you're beating yourself up, you don't think you deserve these things and you don't think you deserve to like do these fun things and you think that, like all this stuff is in the way of like living this kind of maximalist life and doing all these things and that's like the stuff you have to, the hurdles that you have to kind of step over to like, yeah, it's almost like you got to get over yourself. You do Right, like in like kind of a rude way to yourself, like get over yourself, bitch.
Speaker 2:Like, yeah, we have some trauma and yeah, you know, this is me joking yeah, you're fucked, you were fucking molested, molested, but so what? So we're a lot of people, you know, and so people still live their lives. This is it. So we are going to be that person. That that's what our life was about, that someone did something to us that held us back forever or whatever, even stuff that we can't control, like weight, you know, like we all know that like that stuff that is just like in our genes or whatever, but like still doing those things that you want to do even though you are at that weight, or pushing through to try to exercise, or whatever it is that you want to do.
Speaker 2:You know, I know not everything is like in your control, but yeah, try.
Speaker 1:I mean doing anything outside of your comfort zone, like build some. You get more courage yeah, a little bit more brave yeah so brave yeah, I said when that should be your affirmation. Look in the mirror and say you are so brave so here's the thing about affirmations I practice manipulations instead.
Speaker 2:That's what, what I say.
Speaker 1:My family knows this they always go, are you?
Speaker 2:practicing your morning manipulations and I go yes, because I don't believe in affirmations. I believe that I'm going to go out and manipulate the people and myself that I am this and that's the way I turned it. Instead of like you are the best girl that you could be. Now I'm going to go out there and I'm going to make everyone else think you are the best girl that you could be. No, I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna make everyone else think I'm the best girl I'm gonna I can be, and then I am the best girl that I agree. Yeah, it's a little tricky, cuz I'm the devil and I like to be bad yeah, yeah so I always say I practice.
Speaker 2:Are you practicing your morning manipulations which?
Speaker 1:is better. I think know it's like the along along the lines of fake it till you make it yeah, it's like yeah, just just pretend that that is. That really is like yeah, yeah, I am the baddest bitch in the room actually. How come you don't know that?
Speaker 2:because I know that. Yeah, so you're manipulating them, yeah and yourself yes, and your own yeah so I like that better. I know people are gonna think that's not good, but whatever.
Speaker 1:I like it. Yeah, I mean because there's just so much. It's like there. You have to think about how much time and how much joy is being lost when you're wasting all this time yeah, do it you have this perfection. Like what do they say perfection?
Speaker 1:paralysis paralysis Is that how you say it, and you're just paralyzed by indecision, you're paralyzed by fear, by whatever it is where you're just stuck and you just have to take the tiniest little step forward and do something a little bit outside of your comfort zone to kind of just get the ball rolling. And that first couple little steps is the hardest. It's just like you know, the first time you go to the gym when you haven't gone for eight years.
Speaker 2:No, you feel like shit. You're hurting.
Speaker 1:It's just getting. Getting in your workout clothes and getting in the car is the hardest part.
Speaker 2:And I even think that, like, even with saying that, like there, even as you're taking these steps, there's going to be little barriers along the way too.
Speaker 2:Like so if you're working out, the first couple of times you work out, you're going to be so fucking sore, right. And then you're like I don't want to do this. I'm literally hurting, like my body hurts, you know. And then you just have to get over that too. There's always going to be something that you're going to have to get over all the time, but it's just a matter of like telling yourself I can step but then just try to keep moving forward.
Speaker 2:Try to treat yourself nice, try to give yourself gifts like traveling and having fun with friends and being happy time yeah yourself, yeah, give yourself that instead of just giving yourself sadness. I just don't want people to live in sadness and like yeah, like, just like lives that are just aren't filled with joy and happiness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you do deserve happiness and these feelings of fulfillment. Yeah, and while you're going through these hard things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:While you're in this healing stage.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Still should be enjoying your life as best as you can. Of course, there's always going to be times when there's these things happening and you it's also totally okay to just take time that you need to yeah, for sure and not be moving forward and not be, you know, productive or doing things, but you can't stay there forever.
Speaker 1:That's really the message, I think, is you just cannot stay there forever yeah so take a day or a week or however long you need and just wallow and do it, but then fully commit to that. Don't feel guilty about it. Yeah, I know. If you need a whole day to lay on the couch and cry and watch Gilmore Girls, that's okay.
Speaker 2:I was going to say that's an episode on Gilmore Girls I was literally just going in my head where she breaks up with Luke and she needs to wallow, or no, no, no, she breaks up with Dean, or something. I or no, no, no, she breaks up with Dean, or something.
Speaker 1:I can't remember. They all have which one. Is it when, rory, or when, you know?
Speaker 2:I don't know which ones. I thought Lorelai had told her she needs to wallow. Told Rory she needs to wallow. I think, I think, and it was like Dean, she, oh yeah, I think she wasn't. She was like no, I need to read my book and I need to do this and this and this, and then she, and then, finally, and then Lorelai was prepared for her to wallow like she's bringing her all this food and ice cream and then she just didn't, and then finally she broke down and she wallowed and she was like, yeah, you just have to sit in it for a while and that's okay yeah, yeah, but she just wanted to procrastinate
Speaker 1:before she did the wallowing, she was like it's not gonna happen to me, but it will.
Speaker 2:But then you, it'll hit you at an unexpected time when you're on the way to work and you're about to shit your pants, yeah, and then you'll be on the starbucks floor dirty, yeah, ew, and then I have to call drew and then drew has to like walk me off the cliff. And then I just literally have to go and like do someone's hair right, yeah, that's the worst part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to literally go do someone's hair and like talk to them in, like be happy, I know, because I have to make their day better. That's the thing is. I need to make their day better when really I just want to go home and curl up in a ball.
Speaker 1:Yeah, can't do it, I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know Tough.
Speaker 1:This is a little bit of a deep one today, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think we just have to give ourselves permission to acknowledge that we're always a work in progress too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like.
Speaker 1:I think we have this idea that there's always this finish line or this like all right, the finish line is death.
Speaker 2:The finish line is when you close your eyes and they don't open again. That's the fucking finish line, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:There's never this like end destination, where it's like, okay, once I do this, this, this, this and this, then my life is going to be ready and I'm set and I'm perfect and I'm, or like I just need to hit this one goal and then everything else will be okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that happens a lot with people that are going to have kids and they think like, oh, I need this perfect scenario to have a child, and they're like I need to be like financially stable and I need to like you know, we need to have all these things, and you know that is true. I think that being prepared makes it easier Makes it easier, but also I, you know, living the life that I lived with having kids young, the chaos is kind of great for me. I mean, I know people couldn't live in that, but it was okay. Like we've talked about this before, everything's going to be fine. Yeah, everything will be fine, you know, and so you just have to realize that it'll be okay. You could do it, you could take the jump and you'll be fine. Yeah, it'll be hard, but, you know, makes you stronger, for sure yeah, I.
Speaker 1:I think there's also something to be said about really being self-aware about what your triggers are, because that is a huge part of being able to continue your, your daily routines and being able to go to work and not just be, you know, walling for the rest of your life, just knowing, okay, these are the things that kind of that trigger me. And being prepared in a way, of course there's.
Speaker 2:You can't always avoid those things yeah, um, but being prepared and knowing what kind of kind of like you know coping mechanisms you can utilize, uh, in those moments I think that's where therapy comes in for a little bit right, like you recognizing your red flags that are coming and then being able to self-soothe and to kind of like find your coping things and all that kind of stuff, um, and I think that that's really where therapy comes in. It's hard to do that without therapy. And like having a talk track with someone that is a professional.
Speaker 1:I mean, you can read self-help books and stuff but I truly believe that every single person should go to therapy. Yeah, for sure, like every single person on earth should go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like a spa day for your brain.
Speaker 1:Well, I have. You know, it depends, because I feel like there were times when I went to therapy.
Speaker 2:It's either sometimes it feels like a spa day and then sometimes it feels like you go and your therapist just beats the shit out of your brain wait, but isn't that how you feel sometimes when you go to massage places and like yeah, sometimes I don't get deep tissue and yeah, and also sometimes when you go to the asian spa places, they will beat the shit out of you, basically, yeah, and they're just like rolling that elbow in so deep into your shoulder blade and you're like, how am I dying? Yeah, I did the Thai one, where they stand on you so they hold themselves up like this and they stand on top of you, right, and she was literally like rolling my neck, like, oh, this is like choking, and I was like, oh, my gosh, you're gonna kill me. And I was like, what is it? And they just have their feet all on you.
Speaker 2:It's like really it's, but you know I like weird stuff like that, I know you do yeah, so sometimes I feel like you know your massage is, you need it. That's what I always say in my head like she felt that I needed it and in a weird way, it feels better, and I think that that is how your therapist is too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sometimes you go there and it sucks and you're just like god.
Speaker 2:We've talked and this shit.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're like emotionally exhausted and that's what sucked. When I had, most of my therapy appointments were in the mornings. That's when my therapist was available for our consistent appointments and that meant I had to come to work after and do shoots after, and that really was hard. I'm telling you so, before I started to go to therapy in person, here in town I was doing BetterHelp, which is an app, oh yeah, and I actually thought that was pretty good and I know that therapy can be.
Speaker 2:You're really trying to get us some sponsors. Huh, my God, she's not only like me. I'm like tagging small business and stuff. This bitch is over here like.
Speaker 1:Better health, better health, simply fresh. What is it called? Simply no, hello fresh, hello fresh, hello fresh. I mean Starbucks, you know Apple, yeah, Like she's really, I'm just telling you, I'm telling you the things I've done Nuly, please sponsor our outfits. Yes, carhartt, you know. No, I am, I, you know, but I only will push the things that I really believe in.
Speaker 1:And so truly, I believe fully 100, 200%, if that could be a thing. 200%, yeah In therapy. And I, when I first started therapy, I I didn't know if I wanted to go in person and also the thing, so I started with better help. I did that for I want to say I did it for maybe like four or five months. Yeah, so you just sign up on this app, you do fill out all the you know paperwork and then they match you with a therapist that they you know would be best for the things that you're going through, or they might specialize in that specific kind of trauma or whatever, and then you can try out different therapists. I mean that's even true for in-person, like you go to therapy and you kind of do like an introductory, you know your first session with them, and if you're like I just don't connect with this therapist, that's okay, you can try another one.
Speaker 2:You're not stuck with this person.
Speaker 1:No, if you don't like them, go somewhere else, yeah, treat. Okay, you can try another one. Yeah, you're not stuck with this. No, if you don't like them, go somewhere else, yeah, treat yourself good. Yeah, yeah. So I mean I felt once I switched to in-person therapy. I really loved it. I really did connect with my um therapist that we had here um, or that I had here in town. But what I did like about better help is you pay one fee for the whole month. When I was doing it was $320 a month. I don't know if it's the same, it's probably similar. You paid $320. You got one weekly call with your therapist.
Speaker 2:You had a weekly hour-long appointment, which is pretty cheap for that.
Speaker 1:And you were connected on this app so you could message your therapist literally 24-7. Not that they're like available 24-7 to respond, but they would respond always, you know, during office hours, yeah, even on weekends, and like they were more available. Yeah, and that was helpful because of the time I was going through some things that were traumatic and I, you know, we only see your therapist once a week. Sometimes there are days where I'm like I need to talk to you yeah, I'll talk to you and I was like that patient for a while.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know if they call patients or clients or whatever, but yeah, I was that person and so it helped me to be able to reach out whenever I was like having a meltdown or I was like I just need you to like tell me it's fine, and so I could just message her and I loved that. So, yeah, that's really good.
Speaker 2:I know I need. I could just message her and I loved that. So, yeah, that's really good. I know I need to go back to therapy and I'm avoiding it because I was molested and just kidding. I shouldn't laugh, no, and I'm avoiding it. I, the the messiness of my closet in my room are really I'm starting to see that I'm treating myself really badly, like I'm like saying that I should live in the chaos and so I could tell like it needs to happen, but I'm avoiding it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. But I'll do other things even though I know I know that's bad of me, that's really bad. Well, and I mean, I don't know if it's something you want me to bring up, but when we talked about it, we talked about it last year. We actually got in a heated discussion regarding therapy last April when we were in Salt Lake. And this is when I was saying I really think you should go back to therapy, and you're like I don't need to go, I don't go, I already did that.
Speaker 1:I mean I did and you did. Yeah, I have. But part of the reason that you mentioned is and this is probably true for a lot of people is because you feel like, okay, this thing, this one big thing that I really want, like I really need, to discuss with a therapist and kind of help heal through, involves other people. It's not just about you, and so you knew it would also bring up things with your relationship with your mom or things like that, and I think that's hard for people.
Speaker 1:Your relationship with your mom or things like that, and I think that's hard for people to where your trauma or the things that you're trying to work through involve other people that you really care about and so you don't want to bring those things up and you don't want, to like, hurt people or have these feelings or whatever as you're going through it, and so that can hold you back feelings or whatever as you're going through it, and so that can hold you back and I think that's something, um, that I'm like I said I'm sure a lot of people do, but yeah, it's like you don't want to put off your own healing and happiness because you're scared of, like, what might come up right.
Speaker 2:I mean that's really what it is I not necessarily like with like other people involved.
Speaker 2:For me it's more like I know that when I talk about these things I will feel sad and I know that the trigger, like the things that it will trigger, is like anxiety and these panic attacks, and I'm just not ready to live in that yet, and so for now I'm OK with that, but I'm going to have to deal with it, probably eventually.
Speaker 2:I mean, and there's some shit that I went through this year with, like my dad that I have to like even that, maybe just talking about my dad, but that's going to bring up everything and I just don't. I feel like life is so good right now that I just do not want to live in that at any time because, like I'm too busy and it's like that things I can't be bothered with. Like I can't be bothered to like live in that trauma right now because I want to focus on moving forward. And so it's really hard to decide when it's a good time to like kind of like figure that shit out when, for the most part, you're okay, yeah, and you can move on, but that there are small things that you need to deal with. But you know it's just gonna be.
Speaker 2:it's a fucking storm it's hard work like going in therapy especially right when you first start it's.
Speaker 1:It's a lot of work and it's exhausting, and I a lot of people do. They avoid it because they're afraid of what might come up.
Speaker 2:What are these Like?
Speaker 1:I don't want to have to turn inwards and face all these things that maybe these things that you have been able to live with and say like, oh, these things have happened to me or um, or these things are going on in my life. It's like you're afraid that it's gonna turn into. I mean because then you have to take responsibility for things and you have to just admit things that you're not ready to admit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, and so I think a lot of people get stuck in that too, where they're like I'm just not ready for that, and I think it's okay because also, you don't want to go to therapy if you're not ready for it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it won't do anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:You have to be fully committed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because also you can't just show up to therapy once a week, do your like 50 minute session and then not think about it until the next week.
Speaker 2:You have to work on shit, you have to do homework. Yeah, that's not how it works at all.
Speaker 1:And they don't. And there's these things you have to then work on throughout the week and to max, you know, to maximize my therapy experience. What I liked to do was, before I went into a session, I would write all these notes okay, here's all the things I want to talk about, because once you get in there you forget everything. Um, here's all the things I need to discuss or want to bring up. And then, while I was there, I would, you know, bring out my notes and be like, okay, these are the things I wanted to like kind of touch on. So we had time to talk about those things.
Speaker 1:And then they, oh they, you know, they're going through things and telling you here's and they don't necessarily say here's your homework for the week, I mean, sometimes they do but they're telling you, okay, as you go through your day-to-day. I want you to start noticing this and notice how your body feels when these things happen. And so these things, right, and so I would write those things down too, and then afterwards I would get in my car and I would just write out this whole thing about how I felt, everything we talked about, and just like brain dump it, mainly because I had to come to work right after and I didn't want to forget and I didn't want to also think about it for the next few hours at work. But then I could go home and, like read through my notes and then every day I would just look through and kind of remind myself okay, these are the things I'm working on. These are the things I'm working on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, these are the things on my therapist that I need to start and then it was, so it definitely maximized my experience, um, instead of just going in there with like no plan and not really working on things, like I said in between the times when we were talking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to like live in that for a while when you're going to therapy. I mean, some people go to therapy forever and they just always are in therapy and working on themselves, which I think that that's awesome and I think that that helps a lot, because then you can just like talk about normal things in therapy. It doesn't have to be this fucking stronghold trauma that's like killed you all your life, yeah, um, so I think that that's amazing that people like work on themselves like that.
Speaker 1:Like every week there's in there you know, and it doesn't even have to be um, I know we're we are talking about therapy a lot, but it doesn't even like healing doesn't always come just through like therapy. It could be like you could experience healing in so many ways, like maybe you travel, like maybe you take a trip, maybe you have time by yourself to go on this, like solo trip, or maybe not, maybe it is with friends, or you can find different ways to heal yourself and work on yourself outside of therapy, also out of traditional therapy, I should say even just like getting involved in your community or doing things with your friends.
Speaker 1:It's there's all these little experiences that you can infuse into your life that help keep you moving forward, and yeah, I saw this thing.
Speaker 2:This is a TikTok. It was like I don't need therapy, I have a best friend, exactly. Yeah, you just talk to them and then you just like work through it with them. And I think that's what I do with Drew a lot, is that I kind of talk to him and I work, I work out my issues a lot with him. Um, so I guess he's kind of my therapist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, for sure, and it definitely helps to have people in your life, in your support system that you can talk through things too, Um, yeah, yeah it's tough. I mean healing in general. It's not linear. Uh's always going to be setbacks, but it doesn't mean you're not progressing, yeah, and you just have to keep that in mind. But I think everyone is capable of living a full, meaningful life right now, no matter where you're at or what you're going through. You deserve joy.
Speaker 2:Happiness and maximalists.
Speaker 1:That doesn't even make sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would say I would challenge our listeners to try to just take one tiny, small, bold step today towards something, anything, whether it's healing, whether it's going after something that you want, whether it is pursuing that next goal, whatever it is, just get yourself out of your comfort zone.
Speaker 2:A teeny, just a teeny bit, curl your hair a little different, do something, put some eyelashes on, do something I don't know anything, anything you want.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't have to be huge, and then let us know. Let us know, yeah, we'd love to hear about it. Yeah, yeah, let us know. What are these tiny, bold moves that you're making in your life that are moving you forward and giving you a life of joy? Yeah, yeah, send us a DM, send us a DM on our Instagram, at maximalistlifepodcast, and let us know, we'd love to hear from you. Okay, all right. Well, I love this conversation and I'm glad we talked about all this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is perfect, it was a good one, yeah, okay. Well, we can't wait to hear from you guys and hope you're having fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sits up, sticks out you.