Maximalist Life

Ep 13 - Breaking the “Good Girl” Myth: Embracing Your Inner Seductress

• Brianna Gamble & Tamika Stringfellow

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Episode Summary:

In this episode, we’re breaking down the good girl myth and giving you the green light to fully embrace your desires. We’re talking about the societal pressures women face, how double standards mess with our sexual agency, and why it’s so important to dress for your confidence, not for validation.

  • 💥 Challenging the outdated “good girl” image and embracing your true self
  • 🔥 How sexual expression and fantasies show up in relationships (and why that’s okay)
  • 🙅‍♀️ Navigating the double standards women face when it comes to their bodies and desires
  • 👗 The power of clothing to boost self-image and help you own your confidence
  • 💖 Encouraging you to dive into self-exploration and rewrite your own story

This one’s all about letting go of old expectations and stepping into a version of yourself that feels true.


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to maximalist life. I'm your host, brianna, and I'm Tamika, and today we're gonna talk about breaking the good girl myth. Yeah, embr, embracing your inner seductress.

Speaker 2:

I hate that word, I know, you know you can't just be like a bad bitch, it has to be like a seductress, like what era are we in?

Speaker 1:

whatever word that you want to use your own synonyms. Okay, yeah, don't use seductress.

Speaker 2:

Okay, sorry just kidding okay, but I have a question first okay, sure, let me drink my alcohol at 8 am. What time is it 841?

Speaker 1:

what kind of alcohol do you have in that drink?

Speaker 2:

I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Let me see here I put it back here, oh, deep Eddie, deep throating lemon vodka soda lemon vodka such in my drink I have a little bit of Mountain.

Speaker 2:

Dew. She has some coolant mm-hmm, fluorescent coolant from her AC in her car.

Speaker 1:

Tasty, tasty, mmm poison yeah we were out of alcoholic drinks and we can't get the wine bottles open, so Mountain Dew, it is.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I was wondering stuff for me most, but I forgot cuz I don't know why I was rushing this morning you know I haven't been really sleeping.

Speaker 1:

Yeah well, you've been working a lot too yeah, but I just been.

Speaker 2:

So I've been working but Drew and I been staying up really late. We went to bed at 2 on Wednesday and then I had to get up at 6 to come to work you do that, I okay. So here's the thing it's's like, because I get up to go to work, I get up at 6 am and then I don't get home until 6.30 or so and then I only have so much time with Drew. So like when we get in a groove to like hang out and like we're hanging out and we're having fun.

Speaker 1:

You have to hang out for eight fucking hours.

Speaker 2:

Well, like I got to come home, know, do dinner, like, talk to brit and rihanna, and then by time drew kind of like and I it's like eight or nine o'clock and I'm like I just want to sit outside have some wines and talk or watch tiktoks together, whatever, and so sometimes that happens till two o'clock in the morning. He said we went to bed at 14545. And so I think I read for a second because I didn't feel sleepy still for some reason, and then I had to get up at 6 to come to work.

Speaker 2:

And then I had to do it all over again. Sucks, yeah, so whatever, I lost my mind a little bit this last couple days. I couldn't.

Speaker 1:

I just could. Never I've been strictly going to bed at 9.30. Sometimes 10. Been strictly going to bed at 9 30, sometimes 10 sometimes I can't fall asleep till 10, but then I wake up about 4 or 4 30. Yeah, that's what I've been.

Speaker 2:

That's my schedule lately, yeah, but I mean, I rebound pretty quickly like I can just get up, yeah, yeah going quick and I'm not like you know slug when you're working. No, no, you're going, you gotta go yeah, okay, so I okay.

Speaker 1:

So this is my question okay, let's hear it.

Speaker 2:

It better be a good one, okay, so?

Speaker 1:

I don't know if you guys have ever. Have you ever done role play?

Speaker 2:

I've never no, we role played Tamika and Drew oh good, okay, you guys flip one, I'm. Drew, and then, and then he's Tamika, and then he's like this annoying bitch, and then, like I'm mean oh my, that sounds like just kidding. Yeah, no, no we don't really role play I. I would love to I would too.

Speaker 1:

I would too. What would you what? What would you be like? What character would you be?

Speaker 2:

okay, here's the thing. I guess I do kind of have this weird fantasy and I think about this. I thought about this when we went to new york last time and I thought about like going to a bar separate and then like leaving together and doing the whole thing like we never met. I think that would be kind of cool wait.

Speaker 1:

Like the movie which one reese, witherspoon and vince vaughn is it for christmas I don't know, whatever they do, that and they, yeah, and then they pretend to meet, but really they're married. Yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to do that.

Speaker 2:

I don't like me, I want him to hit on me, blah, blah, the whole thing, uh, but so like that seems fun but, then I also would love to be one of the fairies in my books, like I want to have like a little shadow daddy that like we're having sex and the shadows are coming out and like it's like kind of crazy.

Speaker 1:

I don't like any supernatural things like that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, shadow daddy's yeah, cuz that's their powers is like shadows and stuff. I mean, yeah, I, yeah, I just love all that shit.

Speaker 1:

So, like you know that, yeah okay, that's cool, cool little sex fairy. I think I would just want to be something like so powerful, like I want to like a dominatrix type of thing yeah, I don't know I don't really know what that means, or?

Speaker 2:

anything. Yeah, you just think like that's what? Yeah, that's the fantasy, that's what?

Speaker 1:

yeah, in my head it's like this idea, but if I had to put that into play, I have no idea how that yeah, it seems like you need to go to some like sex place and be a dominatrix yeah, I need.

Speaker 2:

I need some training yeah, is there a dominatrix?

Speaker 1:

school. There is, there is, I was gonna go, it's. I should go. Yeah, okay, I'll just take a couple months off of work and be late because I say I don't know.

Speaker 2:

It's not like you gotta be there eight months and then three. I was like, wait a minute. Wait is Monday through Friday. How long is this school?

Speaker 1:

month and you said months and I was like certification.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, no, we can't do that.

Speaker 1:

Jesus, what I don't know, I don't look too hard into it.

Speaker 1:

I'll tell you yeah, I mean, that seems fun being a researcher, I'll let you know a little power play. Yeah, so I well, and for me, I think it's because because I like that whole idea. Well, I kind of like that whole idea in my whole life, really, not just in like sex or whatever. Yeah, because I do feel like there's like this I don't know if you want to call it like a societal pressure or something for like girls to be like good girls and you should be polite Like we're raised to be like girls and you should be polite like we're raised to be, like be a lady, and it's like what does that mean?

Speaker 1:

and that's like you need to be polite, you need to be quiet, you need to not take up a lot of space, you need to like be whatever, and it's almost like. There's like a good and bad, like you're either good you're like wife material, or you're bad and you're like a temptress.

Speaker 2:

Oh, a temptress Like you can't just be something in the middle or you can't just be like you are good and bad.

Speaker 1:

It's like why do you have to be one or the other?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I was both. I was a little slut in high school and now I'm a pretty good wife.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, well, I'm the opposite.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you can turn a hoe into a housewife. So let me tell you.

Speaker 1:

And you can turn a housewife into a hoe yeah.

Speaker 2:

Those both ways we're here to prove. Breakthrough yeah.

Speaker 1:

We're here to break through those science brushstrokes. We're breaking through those glass ceilings, guys. Yes, we are. Yes, we are Clink to you. Woo Ho, that's gonna be our new shirt for everyone.

Speaker 2:

Name of this episode seductress, hos and housewives. Yeah, I told you seductress is stupid. Oh, I don't like it. Okay, uh, yeah, put your little template skirt on and stuff. Yeah, I know. Yeah, miss, seductress, that's gonna be your handle, your dominatrix.

Speaker 1:

Oh, yes, seductress, yeah oh, I love that, I love it, I love it. Okay, I think too, like the whole idea is that, uh, like it's not even just always about sex too, like it is about a lot about. Like about we feel this shame or like guilt around, like finding sex pleasurable which we've talked about that a little bit before but even just like in your day to day life, where it's like you feel guilty or like you can't just express yourself fully, like unapologetically, being who you are is not really Unapologetically. Being who you are is not really. It's like. Well, you need to, you know, make sure that you're not making other people uncomfortable.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, kind of a thing and I hate that. Yeah, you know, I don't really ever feel that.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so I don't anymore. Okay, I feel like I used to growing up and even maybe like my early adulthood yeah, I mean possibly even later. I mean I feel like I used to growing up and even maybe like my early adulthood yeah, I mean possibly even later. I mean I feel like at least the past few years. I don't feel like that at all.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, good you shouldn't I feel? Like you can't be a maximalista and feel like you have to be quiet.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I guess that's it. It's like a, but I feel like that's when I, when I was growing up, that was kind of like the expectation.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean so I do think. I mean we just came off the child, the parenting episode. But you know, a lot of times before it's like kids are not seen, they're not heard. What is the saying? Oh, be seen, not heard.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, which I still believe that I need kids to shut the fuck up, or like don't speak unless spoken to. That's the other one. Yeah, you know, kids, they just talk too much just telling these whack-ass stories.

Speaker 2:

Come on, don't tell me the ones that I need to be there for.

Speaker 1:

I don't like. I think about stuff too. Uh, like, even in media related stuff. Yeah, like, um, like to me okay the idea of this whole episode. It reminds me of like, think about so, like Jessica Simpson being like the good girl one versus like Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera being like the bad girl.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Like you know when Britney came out with her Slave music video and I feel like that was people were like oh my god, that's just disgusting, jesus, and you will go back and watch it. And she literally I mean she had clothes on and they're just like sweaty and breathing there's nothing happening.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like it was a porno, yeah, porno, yeah porno. Or how about like the Janet Jackson mishap, where he pulled her shirt down at the Super Bowl and then her nipple was showing and, like people, like, shunned her after that?

Speaker 1:

like yeah, how dare everyone has what?

Speaker 2:

she didn't show her nipple. She had a pasty on right, so it was her boob and so um, which makes it even more ridiculous, oh no, this like sexy pop star has her skin it's just like the skin around your boob out like so what? Everyone shows their butt yeah like what are we talking about? Yeah, and it was good for him but not for her. Good for his career, not for her career.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, she kind of yeah, I think we are almost like desexualized as women at least when at least when we're younger, I mean, and then I think we take it into adulthood, but even still, as adults, I feel like even sex in general it's more about like. It seems very penis focused for lack of a better term where it's like the goal is always their pleasure or them getting off or what they want to do, and a lot of times it's not really like it needs to. It needs to change um into like, instead of female pleasure being like something that we don't talk about. It needs to be like the thing that you talk about. Yeah, before you go into.

Speaker 2:

I think we have a hard time. Girls have a hard time talking about it, where boys I think it's so much they've just like. That's how the world's been. It's like boys talk about their penises, they talk about their orgasms and they talk about like. I mean, is it more comfortable to say that boys mass masturbate?

Speaker 2:

they say like it really early, but like girls don't really talk about masturbation, yeah, or you know, like fingering yourself, like girls don't really want to talk about that, or like it just seems so much more private for women and maybe it's because it's like seems more intimate for us, where boys just like jacking off, it's like give yourself a dry jack and just keep dry jack just keep moving on, you know easy so I think that that's a thing you know, yeah, with with us and like sharing sex about that, like I don't know it's like you don't want to look slutty

Speaker 1:

if you talk about anything sex related.

Speaker 2:

It's like, yeah, you're a slut yeah, it yeah, and then so it makes us all feel uncomfortable, like I think we get in groups I mean some, I'm sure there are some groups that they don't talk about sex, but like my group does, or whatever the girls and you know, when you're raised to be like a good I think this is the thing too, because I was raised catholic it's like you're a good christian girl, you're a good catholic girl and that's just not wants or desires that you really should have.

Speaker 2:

Like you know, having sex is for like babies and like to have babies and stuff like that and you want to wait until you're married and especially those societal pressures like that for religious reasons. It's really hard for women to then have these sexual experiences and to be like open about like things that they want even if they are like waiting to till marriage. I think you should still be able to talk to other people, like in your situation. If you guys are all waiting for marriage or however long you're about your sexual desires, I think it's okay you know, and people don't do that, because people are embarrassed, you know so embarrassing.

Speaker 1:

Well, yeah, I mean I grew up Mormon and that was like, uh, I mean you definitely were waiting for marriage. And actually there was so much talk about not only waiting for marriage, but like just complete abstinence, like yeah, not even like. You do not masturbate guys, boys or girls yeah, that's so bad right you cannot do that, god will see and you know all this stuff and it's like, okay, well, that's weird and creepy to say I just watched you masturbate.

Speaker 2:

You didn't want to say it did you.

Speaker 1:

There's like telling kids this and it was just I don't know, it's just such a weird thing. And then definitely it was like let's talk about that the only time, the only time you have sex when you even are married is to have children. You're not even when you're married. It was like you're not just having sex for pleasure at all.

Speaker 2:

But that was for guys and girls wasn't like just for like a female right, let's talk about how churches, the pastors or the bishops or whatever they're talking to my children about god's watching you masturbate, but my kid can't give his uncle a hug, but the pastor's going talking to them about sexual experiences. That's crazy to me yeah, it's, it's bizarre yeah, it's, it's, it's tough, it's a tough crowd out there I know, yeah, it's a tough crowd, I know, you know.

Speaker 2:

So I mean, if that's your thing, it's fine. But you know, yeah, I mean that is part of the conditioning, though that we as girls I mean, and guys too, I mean we just can't really speak on guys experiences in that way that, like we're not guys too, I mean, we just can't really speak on guys experiences in that way that, like, we're not supposed to masturbate, we're not supposed to want these, have these desires to have these pleasurable experiences and and be sexy too and to feel sexy well, that's the thing that kills me too, because I think you think about okay.

Speaker 1:

So, for example, if you're dating and then it's like guys expect you to be sexy but then not to have had too much sex.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I know that body count is really a thing for men. Yeah, I've heard this. I've heard this. I mean, I don't have any experience in this, but I've seen plenty of tick tocks rotting my brain, uh, with boys saying like that are men saying that they don't want their girlfriends, or whoever they're dating, to have like a high body count. But they could, mm-hmm, and it's fine, yeah, which is?

Speaker 1:

I mean, I don't, I don't know why the number of matters asking me yeah, I just don't know why them the number really matters.

Speaker 2:

I mean, it's just like. I mean I don't know I. I don't know, I don't get it. I if you're a boy, you, I don't get it, I if you're a boy. You're listening to this. Let me know right in why you feel that that's so important to you. So what?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, also. Like no, nothing good is going to come from a conversation that starts with that question, so don't fucking ask.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's the thing too. Don't ask a question that you don't really want to know the answer to yeah. So it just when people ask stuff like that that comes off so immature and so insecure to me.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it seems like a teenage boy is asking those kind of questions. A what?

Speaker 1:

Like, at this point in my life, 37 years old, if I'm going on a date with someone and that's something like have you been asked that question on a date, Not on someone? And that's something. Have you been asked that question on a date? Not on a date? I guess it's in relationships, okay once it gets to like a relationship point, but it's like at this age and stage of life, why are we even having this conversation?

Speaker 2:

yeah, I don't know our partners.

Speaker 1:

This is so dumb, yeah I don't know, and it's just like also, we don't want to. It's like we don't want to. Like I said, have too much of like this. You don't have too much sex appeal, though, either.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the girl, that's too sexy.

Speaker 1:

You have to just be like the girl next door sexy. That's what that's like the ideal right Is, like this girl next door where, like she's so sexy but she doesn't even even know it she doesn't wear a lot of makeup and she doesn't have to put very much effort in.

Speaker 2:

You know she, yeah, and she just wears jeans and a t-shirt and she doesn't you know like who. Who said that that's the ideal situation? I don't know why. The good girl thing, I mean, and that's in all the books too. Everyone's calling everyone the good girl and it's like that's what girls want and I'm like I don't want to be called a good girl. I want to be called a bad girl.

Speaker 2:

You're so bad, yeah yeah, you know, and I say that all the time, because I just feel like we have this pressure to be such a good girl, but I just want to do other things. Those good girl things don't sound fun well, and that is one of my, that's one of my.

Speaker 1:

I guess you could say it's like a red flag thing to me. If a guy like if I'm gonna sleep with a guy and he says anything about good girl or like that's something that he's into, I'm like mm-mm. Or I'll just say it up front before it even comes up.

Speaker 1:

Like that's one of my. That's where I draw the line. Don't call me that. I actually really hate it for some reason. If a guy says that to me, I just think go fuck yourself like I'm not. I'm not your good girl, I'm not here to just like pleasure you and you are just like gonna do whatever I say, like I'm gonna do whatever you say and you're gonna tell me like no, that's not how this is gonna go, yeah and so maybe that is why I just really want to do the dominatrix thing because I'm like no, I want to be the one to call you a good boy.

Speaker 1:

Good boy, oh man, I would love that it would. Yeah, I don't like that just fucking stop acting up, oh not acting up.

Speaker 2:

You better not be acting up. You hear me, don't act up.

Speaker 1:

No, that's funny. I'll tell you what to do with that penis. You're not gonna tell me stick it in.

Speaker 2:

But only when I say to you yeah, shove it in there, shove it up there my butt, because I'm bad, I need it up my butt oh my god, you and the anal yeah, it's never gonna happen.

Speaker 1:

I.

Speaker 2:

We're just gonna be talking about it forever it's never gonna happen just because I'm too scared. I'm too scared to be bad, I'm only a good. I'm too scared to be bad, I'm only a good girl. Oh God, you want to be a good girl? I'm a good girl. I only do it missionary, uh-uh. Yeah right, on Sundays, on the Lord's Day, uh-uh.

Speaker 1:

No, because then he's watching you.

Speaker 2:

Oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1:

I have to do it on Saturdays when you have to. Okay, fine, I know, I think there's just like a you know you don't want to have this, you don't want to have this like desire for sex, but also you don't. It's like you. There's also this like you don't want to have too much of a desire to be like ambitious or or bold or Like how people say, like you know, you shouldn't make more money than your husband yeah Right.

Speaker 2:

Like that's true too, like that. Or like how people say, like you know, you shouldn't make more money than your husband yeah right, like that's true too, like that oh yeah, it's a.

Speaker 1:

It's really, uh, like it can be emasculating to them yeah, especially if they're insecure and not like whatever drew would be pumped if I was making more money.

Speaker 2:

Man, he would be so not that he's not proud of how much money I make now, but he would be like I. I honestly think that when that happens, it't I would feel like it takes the pressure off Drew to always make this amount of money and to always like do all these things. It would he. I think he would feel better. Honestly, that's just how our relationship would work. If I did make more money than him, he wouldn't feel so like. He'd be like I, could just be like this instead of having to try to climb so much and like you know you know, I don't know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that's lots of layers in that like to me the good girl thing also.

Speaker 1:

It goes like what you're talking about with like you don't want to make too much money, or like you don't even want to, uh like, even be career oriented at all you don't want to be a boss no, you can't be a boss like you need to want to like.

Speaker 1:

You don't want to be a boss bitch no, you can't be a boss bitch Like you need to want to like. If you don't want to be a stay at home mom and taking care of your children and your husband and the house, then it's kind of like looked down upon. If you want to do more than that by society standards at times yeah, you know, okay, so there was.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, you won't know about this, but there was that football player which I don't know what team he's on, who knows, maybe the California Rockets, whatever, you know, that's not really a team. You know, I was like, what is that? Yeah, he was a nice white Christian football player and he got up there and he made a speech and he talked about how, like, wives should be at home. I think he was on the Chiefs because he didn't play on the Chiefs and people he was. No, I don't think he's on the. Yeah, he's on chief, because they were talking about how, like he didn't get to play at all and so they're like he's basically a housewife.

Speaker 2:

Like he got up there and he said, like, like, in this society, you should be a housewife, hmm, that I go and make the money and you have to be a housewife and you need to have kids and all that stuff. And this like player is saying all this. But man, the players came fucking after him. Yeah, they, a lot of them, were like go fuck yourself and quit talking shit. Good, so, yeah, I mean, but I think it's funny that even in this day and age, that men will get up there and they'll say some shit like that. They're just so bold to be like bitches need to be on a platform.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, bitches need to be out there. You know what? Just like all the other men say just shut up and play football. They want to say that to other people. I'm saying that to him. Dickhead, I hate that guy. I don't even remember his fucking name, but you hate him.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I hate him. I hate him too. Good yeah, Whatever fucking he's on and he's ugly, probably has a small dick, oh, micro. That's why he talks to his wife like that God. Well, he has a wife, he does. Yeah, he has a family.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I thought this was like guy saying this no, oh Jesus, so his wife is such a good girl? Well, of course she is. She has to be. Yeah, I, that's something. That just it. And it's difficult when you don't have someone who's you know, like Drew's, like a supportive partner, like that. It's like going out okay so, and I always bring it back to dating just because, like that's where I'm at in my life, but it's like I don't even want to, I don't want to say too much, like even on my dating profiles.

Speaker 1:

I'm like just I'm a photographer. I don't really even talk about like I'm a business owner or stuff like that I don't.

Speaker 1:

I tend to like like, play down, like what my situation is and I don't know, I don't, because I feel like it turns people away. But really I mean I should just be like yeah, I'm a boss, ass bitch. And if you can't deal with it, if you can't deal with me making more money than you swipe left. That's what my profile bio should, yeah, say you should, I'm gonna go home and change it right now. Just do it right now, while we're here.

Speaker 2:

My phone's recording, yeah do it right now, while we're here.

Speaker 1:

My phone's recording.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, do it right now, while we're here, and see how many men will respond to you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, or it's just, I don't know. It's like a, so okay. So last night I was swiping on Bumble.

Speaker 2:

Ooh, which I haven't heard any. You know, I was thinking this the other day like I really haven't heard any stories, but I mean, you know what Work has been busy. Well between work and the podcast.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean, we're just like running around crazy and now just single mom in it.

Speaker 2:

I'm like I don't have a lot of time to be swiping on these pools and like when are you really going to have time to go on dates?

Speaker 1:

I'm not. Yeah, I haven't really been very active at all on the dating apps.

Speaker 2:

But that's why I told you to just find a Mr Monday. I mean, what are you over here just dry?

Speaker 1:

I know Come on.

Speaker 2:

I mean, you have sex sometimes my.

Speaker 1:

Mr Monday that I had going. He was on vacation, he was in. Europe. Oh okay, I have to wait for him. I forgot about it, yeah.

Speaker 2:

God.

Speaker 1:

Okay. So I like swiping, you know on people and then like, uh, if you swipe right on someone and they have already swiped right on you, it'll be like it's a match and then whatever. But sometimes, like you like to just go and see who already liked you and just swipe through those people first. So, anyway, this guy was in my little likes folder and he was really cute and there was all these things. I was like wow, and so I'm reading his whole profile and it sounded really great and I'm like, oh, this is such a good guy. Then I get to the bottom of his profile and one of the last prompts, when he's saying, like what he's looking for, it's saying all these things which I was like, okay, that's me, that's me, that's me. And then it was like has, like the uh, an icon, that's like the um circle with like a line through it in red, and it said single moms. And I was like, ew, why did you say that?

Speaker 1:

and what's funny is my. The very first line of my profile says mom of one, like single mom of one.

Speaker 2:

Blah, blah, blah maybe he thought you were a married mom and then that's why he wanted to eat you.

Speaker 1:

Maybe he's a bad boy so I, I was like, are you fucking, so I? But I mean I still swiped right on him too and then, uh, I did message him because I mean you have to message first on bumble, yeah, and just because here's the thing, I'm not taking any chances with dating like it is such a small pool of good guys out there that I'm like, this guy looks like a good guy.

Speaker 2:

I mean, he said no single moms.

Speaker 1:

But here's the thing I think there's like this you know a lot of guys think like oh, if you're a single mom, then like you're broke and you have like hella kids.

Speaker 2:

I didn't think about that. You're broke, huh.

Speaker 1:

I think it's mostly the broke thing that guys go I don't need a single mom, I have to take care of you and your kids, I have to pay for all this shit. And then I think that they always think that if you're a single mom, it's because you have like drama with your ex and all this stuff, yeah, all this stuff, and so I go.

Speaker 1:

well, maybe you know that was like a general thing he was saying. So anyway, I swiped on him and so I did message him and I just said I said it's bummer that you're not into single moms, but I saw that you did swipe on me and so I said you know, I think you have a great. Your profile looks great, you look like a great guy, but like you're interested in talking, you know, whatever.

Speaker 2:

So we'll see we'll see what he says, but I almost yeah, it's like one of those things where because you would- date someone that has kids, right.

Speaker 1:

I would if they have two or less children that are over 10 years old, preferably. I really don't want to date someone with little kids, because I don't have a little kid anymore and I I don't want to raise any more children and so I think it would be easier for me if they were a little bit older. Again, that's a preference, not a requirement.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

But also it's hard to like. I think it would be easier to date someone who didn't have kids, right, because there's no. What I think, too, is, because I have a child, I have specific like I need to live here right now Because I don't want my son to have to change schools or things like that, where, like, I need to live here right now because I don't want my son to have to change schools or things like that, where, like, I mean, his dad doesn't live here anymore, but when he did, it was like I can't move from this area because I want him to have both parents in his life. And so I think that when I'm on the dating apps, if I see that there's a single dad but he lives an hour or two away, I mean, how is that going to work?

Speaker 1:

Because he's probably in the same situation where he can't really move from that area and so it's just it's. There's so many things, but if they don't have kids, then number one they don't understand how it is to be a parent, and that can be a problem. And two, they might want kids.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, my grandma always said never date a man that or it has kids with that, like with someone else, because that will always be their priority, as it should be.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and like a lot of times when, like, for example, you know, my marriage or whatever Drew and I is, we're each other's priority first, and then the kids, and then we have a shared priority where you know the thing is is that should be the guy's priority, the single dad, but like that, you guys don't have this shared interest priority in the very beginning and so navigating through that is really tough yeah, you know for both of you guys, so you know it's hard, like, and so that's where I just think there's this whole idea like, because I also think the people who are single moms, in whatever like meaning of that, that you are um, it is kind of like a I don't what am I trying to say like you have to be a little bit stronger to be on your own parenting than if you have a partner and so I think that that is also a thing that deters men from wanting to date single moms, because that is that kind of tells you a little bit of personality traits that this woman may have.

Speaker 1:

And so if it's like, oh, you like you are a single mom and you're like a business owner and you're all these things, it's like that can tell you right up front that I'm probably like a stronger person, I may have a stronger personality and I'm probably pretty confident in my capabilities, in myself yeah able to do all these things, and that isn't something that a lot of guys really like.

Speaker 1:

Like, yeah, they don't want that. They want you to be a softer. This like soft feminine energy, which is funny, but like then, if I can take care of me, bitch, so I don't have to work anymore.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, here's the thing While I am this more confident and I'm ambitious and stuff, I'll gladly take it back to see if you're going to pay for everything and I don't have to worry about anything and I can be your damn good little girl if, like not little, I mean I am short. So yeah, I guess, If you want me to just stay home and go, shopping all the time.

Speaker 1:

So I'll do it sometimes. I think, sometimes I would like that, but I don't think I ever could. I don't know. It's like I have too much.

Speaker 1:

Maybe I just have too much pride yeah, and I can't I go no, because then I feel like you own me and I never want to feel like that. Yeah, so I don't know. I think it's just like there's a, uh, this like power that you have, like this whole. I know you hate this word, but like this idea of the like seductress, it's about like feeling more powerful or being like this more magnetic person that other people are drawn to. Yeah, um, and it's really just about like owning what your desires are in whatever aspect of your life.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that is yeah so sexual or not, and then just being really confident, like being super confident in your body yourself, your what you're bringing to the table again, whether that's within your family, your relationship, your work, anything um, and unfortunately, I think a lot of women don't feel that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, like you said, we're kind of bred not to.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and so we are now figuring out how to do that, and so we have to, like, read a lot of damn self-help books or something my favorite, yeah or talk to our therapist about it, or, you know, do whatever we need to do to feel confident with who we are, because I do think that the things that we're not confident about are those like societies, like pressures, to not feel confident about.

Speaker 1:

Right yeah.

Speaker 2:

We're not confident about talking about sex. We're not confident in the outfits that we wear. We're not because we were, like kind of bred to just be like these meek and mild creatures that, like, are service servants to men servants yeah, oh, it's a good one.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I did and it is. It's like we, just like I said before, you just want to like people, please, and just like it gives you anxiety about taking up any space or like having a voice, like owning your voice or speaking up for things. I think it makes you feel guilty for setting boundaries with people and so you feel like maybe I shouldn't do that because it'll make that person uncomfortable, or I don't want this person to be upset with me. I think I mean I've seen this before, but you know, women just apologize all the time for everything.

Speaker 2:

It's like stop fucking apologizing all the time.

Speaker 1:

I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, or just like even I'll. Just you're texting someone, it's like, oh sorry. It's like constantly saying sorry, I really hate that.

Speaker 2:

That goes along with my like, are you okay? The sorry thing I mean quit saying sorry. Yeah, I really, I mean really with anything, even like whoever it is, in any, any aspect. Like stop saying, stop apologizing. Yeah, I mean one time if you actually did something, or like you bumped into someone. But what are we appalling? I'm sorry, I'm thinking about this or sorry, I have an opinion. Yeah, shut the up, say your damn opinion, just say it. What? Why are we saying sorry, sorry to interrupt and you got your hand up no, raise your fucking hand and just say what you feel.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, come on, get it out there, shit.

Speaker 1:

Stop apologizing for things yeah, say it louder, yeah, yeah. I think we just have to learn how to like walk into a room.

Speaker 2:

I think that that is especially for male dominated like um. What am I looking for?

Speaker 2:

like industries, yeah which I never worked really in any, so I don't really know how to I would react or move in those kind of areas. I mean, I hang out with a of boys because, drew, we hang out with a lot of Drew's friends and, like, their wives are sometimes at home taking care of the kids. Oh no, so because we don't have small children. And I mean, as long as you're not talking about sports, I can chime in pretty well and I can, you know, have a conversation. But I mean, I think it's because I hang out with men that they don't think of me as like this Drew, stupid housewife you know, yeah, yeah, I think the only time.

Speaker 1:

Well, I mean, like I had mentioned earlier, like growing up being Mormon, I mean that was definitely a like you're just there, you don't. You're not going to be loud, you're going to just like whatever, and then going into early adulthood being in the military yeah, that's really like you're definitely be seen, not heard just shut the fuck up and do what you're told and it's extremely male dominated and you just, you don't really know how to act because it's like you have to look, that like everything is stripped from you, you have no self-expression yeah, you

Speaker 1:

have to dress the same as every. Everyone's wearing the same thing. Yeah, everyone has their hair the same. Like there's all these rules about what you look like, what you can say, what you can do, and you just you're like a little robot, and so I think, like this whole idea of just like being a good girl, being like staying in line all the time has just been like enforced so much into my life that once I was able to break out of that and and I think that's also like I just was so much more of like a creative person and I wanted to and I'm more independent and I wanted to like own my own business and do stuff like that it was like torture being in those situations.

Speaker 2:

That's why you're so crazy.

Speaker 1:

That's why you're so crazy now, yeah, yeah, I have all my craziness just bottled up. Yeah, it's all just bursting. Yeah, now, I'm just like fucking crazy all the time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, you are, you are crazy.

Speaker 1:

I know, I think too we talked about how you dress can be totally a thing Like dressing in a way that makes you feel really confident in yourself is so huge.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think it's really important for women to feel confident in what they're wearing and how they look, and it's one of the toughest fucking things, man. You know we're all dressing for different bodies, but things that are popular, you know, don't fit all of our bodies and it just don't fit in the way that we see them fitting on the models, and I mean that in itself. You know, clothes are made for specific size models and then you know, for us to try them on like you know, I'm five foot and chubby and like it doesn't look the same yeah and so that's sad, but move on and find something that does.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, you just got to find out what works for you and how you can move in those like areas and stuff like.

Speaker 1:

But and also just wearing stuff that you want to wear, that you feel confident in and not worrying about like it's too sexy for someone else to look at you. Okay, if that's what you want to wear and that's what you feel good, okay, then wear that yeah, yeah, that's what you should do yeah, yeah you. I mean obviously depends on your situation, like where you work and things like that. If you're anywhere that has like a dress code, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

I mean I think that there's, you know, situations I mean I think you kind of touched on it where, like, if you dress too much in certain like places, or you know, dressing up or down. I still think that there is some of that. I don't know I'm becoming, I'm warming up more to the like idea of like just do whatever the fuck you want, you know, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean you probably shouldn't wear like a thong bathing suit in front in like a little kid's birthday party you just have your room yeah, you just have your butt cheeks out with all the little boys and stuff and they're all looking at you know, your your best friend's butt and stuff I don't know, and then people are like it's just skin, like who cares? Yeah, I mean, I think that's inappropriate, but do whatever you want, I guess. Yeah, you want all the husbands and the little boys looking at you. Fine, fine, do whatever, I guess.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, well, and we had a whole conversation. I mean, we barely touched on it, I think on a previous episode, we didn't really go into it. We talked about this in real life is how you dress when you go on a date, mm-hmm. Is how you dress when you go on a date Mm-hmm, and I feel like I okay. So I feel like I have really started to like.

Speaker 1:

I've been trying to find my style the past like two years I've been trying to like figure out what my style is. Before that I didn't really have any style.

Speaker 2:

I was just wearing whatever.

Speaker 1:

And so I've been trying different things and in doing and in working with you with my styling, trying different silhouettes and getting out of like only wearing things OK. So, for example, with my ex-husband, he really wanted me to always wear things that were form fitting, hated when I wore anything oversized or like flowy and he was just like god, I hate. Like you look so much better. I mean he wasn't like talking shit, but he would always just say like you look so much better with stuff that's form-fitting. And I think it's just because you can see your shape more like you look more womanly when you're like, yeah, wearing something, a form-fitting dress, versus wearing a boxy blazer, you know and like we're wearing jackets right now but like you can't really see our shape or anything.

Speaker 1:

But so when I go on dates, especially the first date, I I tend to dress in a way where I think, instead of wearing something I really want to wear, I wear something that I think they'll like. And that's your people pleasing, yeah yeah, and I don't want to be, and I also don't want to be like. I want to like, show a little bit of skin, but I don't want to.

Speaker 1:

You can't show too much skin because I don't want to look slutty, but I also don't want to look so like homely or wholesome yeah so it's like this whole thing where I'm just like why can't I just wear this outfit that I want to wear and just show up and be myself, instead of like going through this whole process where I'm trying to put together this fucking outfit for this person who I don't even know, right, um, and this person who I'm going on a date with, hoping that there'll be like a future with this person and if that's going to be the case, they need to know who I really am, how I really like to to dress.

Speaker 2:

Right, and I was going to say I mean, really, the person that's for you is going to appreciate, like that you dress the way you want to dress, instead of you know you think that they want you to dress, and I get it, though, like you do stuff in the beginning, that you know you for the partners you know, like that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean so I could put a sexy outfit on and drew, doesn't really care. But God, when I put some overalls on and I look like a baby mama, he comments right away. He's like you're so cute. Yeah, you look so cute today. Your outfits so cute today, he did. I know you always Love when I dress like a baby mama all the time, like you just want me to be super relaxed dressing. He's like, yeah, you just look so comfortable too, you wear these like sexy outfits. And it seems like you're tugging and pull it and you're just like having to, like you know, do it. And I'm like, yeah, you're right, you know. Yeah, like he always tells me, don't wear strapless shit, you're always pulling and tugging on it.

Speaker 1:

Just don't do it yeah, and. I'm like fine, it's. It's tough and I think there's just. I think there's things you could do to like. I think there's things that we have to do now as women to kind of like tune into ourselves more and just tune into our own bodies and what we like, and it can even be so like.

Speaker 1:

Again, it doesn't have to be like immediately sexual, but it could be something like maybe you try, maybe it sounds silly, but maybe try something like a dance class, yeah, like the stripper one or the heel one that you? Talked about.

Speaker 1:

Oh my god, I want to do that so bad, I know me too yeah like you do a little dance class and you just learn how to move your body in a way that feels good to you. I think that's the thing is figuring out all these things that feel good to you, and you're not just doing things for validation yeah, I think too.

Speaker 2:

You know, we get all these applications to do uh, or like people fill out these things to like do their boudoir with us and a lot of the comments on there say like I want to feel sexy I want to.

Speaker 2:

You know, I want to feel confident and sexy again in my body and all this stuff, and so I think that's so big for women and yeah, I don't, I don't. It's so hard. There's so many different options out there to like try to do that, but yeah, it's got to find your own I guess, I don't know it's hard.

Speaker 1:

It's such a hard thing to do to feel sexy it is and you even can, just like you know, try it. Like I said, try a little class like that, try figuring out what your own personal style do a boudoir shoot. Oh my god, yeah, do a boudoir session. That'll really. That'll just throw you right in the deep wind deep end.

Speaker 2:

If you, if you, if you're ready, get naked in front of us and I'll take some photos, some sexy photos of of you, yeah, but we'll be there, we'll be the lifeguards, we'll make sure you don't drown, yeah. I'll pose you, yeah, I'll give you my tips and tricks out here. Yeah, exactly To have a sexy time, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

And then if going into like, it's like maybe you just first need to figure out what feels good to you on your own, and then you because that's the other thing is, sometimes you're trying to communicate this to your partner and you don't even know what. You don't know what to say. You're like I don't really know what. I need you to do differently, or yeah, whatever.

Speaker 2:

So you just have to finger yourself and find out.

Speaker 1:

Finger yourself and find out, instead of fuck around and find out, finger yourself and you find out what's down there.

Speaker 2:

You know, drew had listened to all of our podcasts and so he had listened to the sex one or whatever. And the other day he goes you know, maybe we should get some toys in the bedroom. We don't really have any, I don't know. We just don't really have any or whatever. And any or whatever. And he was like yeah, you just seem uninterested in touching yourself or whatever. He was like you used to, you don't really anymore.

Speaker 2:

And I go look full, my nails are long and sharp, I can't just be down there digging around, okay digging yeah, so yeah, okay, sure, you want to get some toys, we can, but I'm not over there just like finger banging myself with my long ass nails. Why do you think lesbians they cut the two off? Come on, it's hard down there for a bitch, oh my God. So you can't masturbate if you have long, pointy nails?

Speaker 1:

Sorry, that's the takeaway from today. Finger yourself and find out Homes and housewives yeah, those are the taglines for this episode.

Speaker 2:

I like that. Finger yourself and find out.

Speaker 1:

It's better, it's so much better I like that Figure it yourself and find out. It's better, it's so much better. I don't know. I just think I would like to know from people, from listeners, like how would your life change if you fully embraced your inner seductress or your inner bad bitch yeah, bad bitch is better Bad bitch Like, how would that change your life? What could it do for you? Let us know? Yeah, send us a dm.

Speaker 2:

Send us a dm on our instagram yeah, yeah, good oh figure yourself and find out, and then let us know how it went.

Speaker 1:

Let us know how it went at maximalist life podcast and we will see you guys next time I hope you're having fun fingering yourself dicks out you.