Maximalist Life

Ep 16 - Were We Really ‘Fine’? Rethinking Our Childhoods in Parenthood

• Brianna Gamble & Tamika Stringfellow

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Episode Summary:

On this episode of Maximalist Life, Brianna and Tamika take a trip down memory lane, talking about how our childhood experiences shaped the way we parent (or think about parenting). We’re diving into the contrast between the "tough love" parenting style of the 80s and 90s and today’s more open, communication-focused approach—because let’s be real, things have changed.

In this episode, we chat about:

🎮 All the nostalgic 90s childhood vibes—Tamagotchis, Sanrio, and the things that raised us
🤐 How "because I said so" parenting shaped our emotions and independence
🌍 The way different cultures approach respect, affection, and discipline
⚖️ Teaching kids autonomy while still honoring family traditions
🙅‍♂️ Why forcing kids to apologize doesn’t always teach sincerity (and what to do instead)
🍽️The impact of childhood food rules like “clean your plate” on adult eating habits
🔄Catching ourselves repeating patterns from our own upbringing
👧How siblings in the same house can need totally different parenting styles
💖 Finding that sweet spot between discipline and understanding
🤷‍♀️Accepting that perfect parenting doesn’t exist, but self-awareness makes a difference


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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Maximalist Life. I'm your host, brianna, and I'm Tamika. Welcome to maximalist life. I'm your host, brianna, and I'm Tamika, and I want to know from you what was your favorite childhood toy, or like toy from the 90s? Hmm, I don't know. I know, there's so many good mine it. I think my favorite was a Tamagotchi, yeah, so fun.

Speaker 2:

Those, and you know, remember those. The generic one too is like the Gigi Pet or the Gigi Pet.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, the Gigi Pet.

Speaker 2:

Those ones were square though.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we used to have them and then I remember my mom had one too Cute and we were so serious about it.

Speaker 2:

You know you have to keep them alive for however long I remember, there was poop in them and stuff.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, what the fuck. And then she had a little streak and then I don't remember why, but I had to babysit her Tamagotchi for something. I don't know if she's at work or whatever. You killed it and I killed it and she was so mad, she was actually legit pissed at me for killing her Tamagotchi. Oh, that's so sad. I know I was like I'm so sorry. I know I still talk about it to this day. I go remember that time when I got in trouble for killing your dog.

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh. You know I bought the kids those in their Easter baskets like a couple years ago.

Speaker 1:

Oh, cute, yeah, so they have them hanging.

Speaker 2:

I think most of them have it on their backpacks.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's really cute. So it's cute show.

Speaker 2:

Yes, it's like a charm, yeah, yeah, yeah, a big charm. Yeah, maybe I should get one for my bag. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah, um, you know I one of the things that I appreciate that came back actually is like all the sanrio stuff, just to have more access. I saw that a new sanrio store actually opened up in the east bay, so they have the actual store again. Oh, yeah, so hopefully they're going to have the purple paper. The purple paper, yeah, with all of the little designs on it.

Speaker 1:

Oh my God, yeah, that it all came in and stuff.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean because we were one of the places, like in Vacaville, that had it as an outlet for so long. Mm, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm, yeah, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2:

That's so cute. Yeah, yeah, I do love Sanrio's stuff. Yeah, all the little girls are into it now. It's really cute.

Speaker 1:

But I mean speaking of childhood.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

But what if we talk about childhood trauma?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, fun subject Super yeah, Super fun I love it.

Speaker 1:

It's my favorite.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I feel like, yeah, you know you bring up stuff like uh, or people joke about their childhood trauma and then I was molested, no and.

Speaker 1:

But I think too, because we're parents now, it make it. You kind of look at it differently yeah, for sure you go wow, yeah, I see that there was all these things that I kind of like blamed my parents for, but now that I'm a parent, I'm like wondering if I'm doing the same thing yeah or overcompensating for sure things I don't know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, cause and effect.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I mean I feel like in the what 80s, 90s I mean. So growing up in the 90s I feel like it was really common the like tough love parenting and it was always this kind of like suck it up like just get over it, yeah type of a thing and we didn't really talk.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I don't know, we didn't really talk too much about our feelings, or, yeah, for sure not I. I feel like my grandma was the only one who really kind of did, but definitely not my mom. I mean, my mom still doesn't yeah, I mean exactly the same.

Speaker 2:

My mom still doesn't really talk about her feelings much.

Speaker 1:

She still is kind of like tough love or like if I bring something up she'll be like but you guys turned out fine okay she never like says like well, you know, it's just like yeah yeah, I think that's always a thing like well, we all turn out, fine, right, but it's like did we, did we turn out?

Speaker 2:

fine. Yeah, I think my mom measures it like oh, we're like good citizens in the world and like we make pretty good money and like we have these good lives and that, but like well, there's some mental stuff that we still have to all deal with.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's, I feel like the baseline. It was like, well, it's fine, Cause you know you're not in prison or anything. Right, right, right, thank you, that's well, then I must be right, fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure too, like I don't know, I just think there was so much um, like it was so much more harsh, like I don't know.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I don't know what was in your, so we didn't do, we didn't have this in our household, but like even spanking and stuff like that or like hitting your kids, was like a lot more common yeah, than it is now yeah, um, and I just I mean that, like I said, that I didn't grow up with that in my family, did you?

Speaker 2:

uh, well, my stepdad was abusive, so maybe that my mom never hit me, but I mean we spanked our kids, yeah, so I mean I didn't really spank the kids Drew did, but because of me, not because of Drew. Um, and I think that it is something that maybe we regret spanking Britt because it just didn't really affect him. He doesn't remember any of the spanking, like we stopped really early, like it was like when they were really small yeah um, but yeah, I mean I think Drew really regrets spanking him.

Speaker 2:

I mean he didn't like spank him with a belt or anything.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it was just like, you know, open hand like on the butt or whatever. But yeah, I mean Drew was spanked as a kid too and so but I really wasn't. So I don't think that necessarily the thing too, I think, for me when I had kids so young. So I think I would treat, I would probably raise the kids a little differently now than I did then. But yeah, not much spanking when we were young. I mean, my stepdad abused me but you know, like physically yeah, yeah, a little bit, but besides that not in like a teaching like kind of thing.

Speaker 2:

You know Right yeah. So I think that's different yeah.

Speaker 1:

And I think that's different. Yeah, and I think there wasn't really a lot of teaching. I don't just don't remember there being a lot of teaching moments. It was just like very authoritarian type of parenting. And it was like we're going to instill fear in these children. Yeah, and you're going to just do what I say, because I say so, yeah, and I think it made a lot of people, I don't know. It seems like it makes people not um, when you do that with your kids, they don't really then they don't respect you.

Speaker 1:

So I used to have this conversation a lot with my ex-husband. We had very, very extremely different parenting views and I am more of I do more of like the teaching moments. Maybe you could say I do like subtle gentle parenting. If you want to say that, um, where he was extremely like the opposite, yeah, and um, he did believe in spanking. I mean, I never did that, not to my kid, but um it. It was always this thing where we would talk about like so okay, so his daughters and then my son would be in the same household, and then that this is where we would get in these arguments.

Speaker 2:

Right.

Speaker 1:

Because, like I said, he would believe in just kind of like almost scaring them. Like they would just he just wanted them to obey Right and that was the end of the story. And like they don't need an explanation why and to him that was respect- Right.

Speaker 1:

That was showing respect. And we would have these conversations where I would say that is not showing to me that they don't respect you, right? They're just scared of you, right, um? But that also it doesn't teach them. You're not teaching them things that they can take out into the world. Like they don't understand, like integrity, when you parent that way, because they don't really understand, like, the difference between right and wrong. It's just like I should only do the right thing so that I don't get in trouble, right, instead of like doing the right thing because you know that it's the right thing, right, um?

Speaker 1:

so that was huge for me, with like with the kids right and I just think that there are so many things forced on us as kids like forcing, I mean I still think this kind of thing.

Speaker 1:

but like forcing kids to apologize. There are so many things forced on us as kids. Like forcing, I mean, I still think this kind of thing. But like forcing kids to apologize when they don't mean, it is kind of silly. Like say sorry to your brother and it's like, well, if they're not really sorry, like you're just teaching them that apologies hold no value.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think I disagree with that a little bit. I think you're teaching like to say sorry even if you don't want to. But, like you, you have to respect other people. Like still like so if that it hurt their feelings, but you don't think you should apologize.

Speaker 2:

But someone's saying like it hurt my feelings or you hurt me, like I think that even if you don't think it's right to apologize, sometimes you have to apologize to make the other person feel better yeah if we just went around not apologizing for anything we don't feel bad about, like I as an adult, I don't think that that's okay, because there are times where I don't think I want to apologize for things, but I'm like it'll make that person feel better and that's what they need from it so for me it seems like, yeah, I do need you to apologize, even if you don't think it's right, and because kids are learning what are what's right and wrong.

Speaker 2:

So when they're eight, yeah, they don't think cause they hit their brother, but later on they realize like, yeah, I don't know why I hit them. That's, that was kind of mean to me.

Speaker 1:

So maybe I should apologize you know, I guess more, I guess, yeah. No, that makes sense, yeah. I guess when I was thinking about it. I was thinking about like, if you apologize for something in general, like for an adult, you're apologizing for something, you're saying like not only am I sorry for doing that, but I will not do it again. Yeah, and so if you're just forcing them to say sorry, but they know damn well they're gonna do that shit again, right, then it's like well, yeah, that's not really what apologies are for?

Speaker 2:

yeah, but I do agree with what you're saying. That makes makes sense.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I don't know, and then we talked about this before. Okay, we do have different like, maybe different opinions on it, or I don't know if I would say it's an opinion, but like, not like when we were kids, there was no consent, there was no like option for consent with like hugging people.

Speaker 2:

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1:

Or these like things where you're kind of like affected in your personal space. Yeah, and now I think I look back and I think like, yeah, it was a little weird that we were just like forced to hug all these people and sometimes it was like people like I mean it's always people that they're like close to our family yeah.

Speaker 1:

I don't know, it still was like I had to hug them yeah even I didn't want to and I yeah, of course they say like that could in turn, like make you feel like you should do things with your body that don't maybe don't feel. Okay, uh, just to like, please another person yeah or like, if it's an adult figure, then if they're telling you to do something, you just have to do it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I think that one's a tough one. You know, it's very culturally like it. For us it stems around culture you know, being.

Speaker 2:

You know, in the Asian community and in the Latin community, like that's like respect, Like we all give kisses on the cheek, we all give you know at least give you know at least hug. Yeah, you know you say hello. I think as a parent you have to decide. You know every situation is going to be different for you. In our friends group and on our family, yeah, you have to hug, and even in our Filipino, like side of the family, we do something called blessing and so like, if they're older, typically it's like your grandparents, like they take your hand and you have to like put, like it's like when the priest blesses you, like you have to take it and put it to your forehead and I remember hating.

Speaker 2:

When do you do like? When you get there?

Speaker 2:

like when you get, like you get when you get to their house, like yeah so it's like you know, it's a sign of respect or whatever, um, and so I remember hating doing it, just because I was like kind of embarrassed that I had to do it. But you felt silly. Yeah, I felt silly. I was like why can't I just give her a kiss on the cheek? Why can't I just, you know, um, and it was my great grandparents that did it Like my grandma now she does not want us to do that to her. She was like get out of here. You know she always does that, you know. But, um, so I don't know, you know I have a hard time with that. Like I respect parents that, you know, don't feel the need for their. You know, I that want to keep that boundary. Like you don't have to kiss anyone or hug anyone that you don't want to. I think you have to at least come over and say hello to me yeah.

Speaker 2:

You. I mean you don't walk into people's houses and you don't say hello, you know and like so.

Speaker 1:

I remember I was at your house one time and I don't even remember who, it was some okay, so we were all everyone's hanging out and then some, like some of the kids, came in and then just went to I don't know who's bedroom went, and then I remember you guys were like they just came in the house and didn't even fucking say hello to anybody.

Speaker 2:

Oh hell, no, yeah, tell them to come out here and it was like a whole thing. Yeah, did you say hi to auntie and uncle, did you? You know, and I, I don't know.

Speaker 2:

It's just like something we've always done, it's just like a thing Like I mean, I just went to a funeral and I was like, all right, it's gonna take 30 minutes to say goodbye, like you literally have to go up to all everyone and give a kiss and say goodbye, and I was like it's gonna take us 30 minutes to get out of here, because that's just like how it works for us yeah, so with me I am.

Speaker 1:

I'm a huge fan of the Irish goodbye. Yeah, I love that and I just I don't want it because I don't want to make a big. To me it's like I don't want to make a big deal, that I'm leaving. I'm gonna be like make this announcement like all right, I'm leaving yeah see you guys later hope you miss me, like going up to everyone to like. I feel like I'm making it like about me by being like oh, but it, I mean it isn't like the way that you do.

Speaker 1:

It's about respecting those people and saying bye to them without just like taking off yeah, but for some reason, when I like I'm at someone's house, I'm like all right, see you later, like the person's house it is. Yeah, I'll say bye whatever, but I'm not gonna go around to everyone and be like, okay, bye yeah and so it's kind of funny, it's just like and like.

Speaker 2:

I just want to tell like also, like I want to tell them like I love them when I leave, like all that kind of stuff. So it's like you know, like more of a meaningful goodbye to me. I don't know why I that's just kind of how we are you know, drew has a hard time.

Speaker 2:

Drew doesn't really want to kiss anyone either, like when Drew kind of came into the fold like we hang out with, I mean, I would say, most of our friends and family. It's like 80% Filipino, right. So like they're always like a kiss on the cheek and Drew's like oh my god, this's what we have to do every time. You know it's like a hug, but like we have to do a kiss or whatever yeah, and so he, I think, had a hard time in the beginning too, but now he's like you know.

Speaker 1:

Whatever, this is how we roll well, I think it's a, I think guys especially, I mean for boys growing up too, it was so pushed on them this like kind of this, like masculine for them for sure, like get over it and don't like don't be, stop acting like a girl, or like don't be so like sissy about stuff, and so for them especially, I think it was. It's harder as adults now to like show emotion or do stuff like that and it kind of makes them feel like except for well, here's the thing.

Speaker 2:

I don't believe that in the culture like so, like Tony and Pablo, always a kiss on the cheek. You know in the Latin community that it's just that's how it is. Yeah, so I think it's different for Drew because he's just like an American boy yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, for sure you know. But in the Latin community, it's all you know, and my brothers too, like it's always kiss on the cheek, yeah, so you know, yeah, it definitely.

Speaker 1:

I for sure think it's like really dependent on your culture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, yeah, it definitely. I for sure think it's really dependent on your culture. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I know, and I get it. Like people are like I don't want my kid. Why are you forcing the weird uncle to like hug?

Speaker 1:

your kid.

Speaker 2:

I get that. I mean, here's the thing. I was literally molested and I still have the view of like I don't know, rihanna, I'm like did you say hi to your auntie and uncle? Did you give them a kiss, whatever? Like I still believe that yeah. And my family.

Speaker 1:

I mean we have.

Speaker 1:

I mean I have an uncle who's literally in prison right now because he's a pedophile and has molested children, including one of my cousins, and so I think that, to me, is one of those things where I just go yeah, you know, see, I don't know. Yeah, I just don't know about shit like that, but I don't know. The one thing, I think, the biggest thing for me that I think about in my childhood that affects me often is eating habits. So like when we would sit down because we would sit down every night as a family and eat dinner and it was always this like you already eat everything on your plate.

Speaker 1:

You have to eat everything on your plate and it was like, well, even if you're not hungry, you have to eat, and so it was always forced, like you better eat everything. And that was a problem, because as an adult is like you don't you're not really learning any of these healthier eating habits or learning that you should stop eating when you're full. Yeah, and so I do think about that a lot. I think it affected me a lot as a teenager and an adult and it's something I had to really think about consciously when I'm eating and stuff like that, and made a huge difference in um, in my life. But yeah, and so I try to be aware of that with Bentley.

Speaker 2:

Yes, uh, I think that when we were raising the kids, when they were little, um, it would be like you have to eat everything, but it would be like you have to eat everything because you can't have a snack after. Like it's more like the kids, immediately after they ate, can't have a snack and I'm like, yeah, yeah, you can, but I mean, you're not gonna not eat your food and then be having like all these snacks after. So I think there's that. I think again, I keep bringing this back to this, but culturally, for us it's like you walk in a Filipino household and they go did you eat, did you?

Speaker 1:

eat.

Speaker 2:

Before you leave they go are you going to eat again? Are you going to eat again? And it's just like that's their love language, a lot of the aunties and grandmas like they're feeding their family, you know. So I didn't really have it to where you like had to eat all your food. It was more like you needed to have, like, some of your vegetable and some of your meat, and you know my mom would never make me sit there and be like you need to eat all your food. And even now, like with Rihanna, I'm just like well, you have to eat some of your vegetables no-transcript.

Speaker 1:

And now, the longer you wait, your food's cold.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

It's even nastier and it's like, well, you're just going to sit here all fucking night until you eat that.

Speaker 2:

Well, so Britt would do that. He was a. Really this is really weird. He would like start to eat. Then he'd go I gotta go poop. And we'd get up from the table and have to go poop is the weirdest thing. And then he'd just be gone for how long? Then he'd come back and then he just we would literally clean up the whole damn kitchen. He's just still there sitting there staring at his food and I'm like, well, you had to finish your food, babe. And then he would finally finish. And then, of course, right after he would ask me for ice cream so if he, had told me oh, I'm not hungry anymore.

Speaker 2:

He still wants a snack kids are bad, I know. I know.

Speaker 1:

Well, I know, and it's hard because you don't want to be like okay, well, if you eat this, then you can have dessert, because then you don't want to teach them that like dessert's bad and like it's just such a whole.

Speaker 2:

Thing yeah, so many things I know. I just think, like you know, obviously like our parents were doing the best that they could yeah, I mean, my mom wasn't going to like parenting classes or reading up on the internet like what was going on, or like going to therapy to work on herself or something. So I mean they were just flying off the seat of their pants too, like they're just trying to figure it out and throughout their own trauma.

Speaker 1:

I mean, yeah, I was gonna say, I mean there's the generational trauma that they went through with their parents, and so they're either overcompensating or repeating the same pattern right, whatever too right, and so it just kind of keeps going down the line. But there's just like every I think everyone thinks like oh, I'm gonna be a. So I always thought like I'm gonna be a way better parent or like you think when a kid like I'll never do that when I have kids.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And then you catch yourself saying shit and you go oh my God, I'm my mom, yeah you're your mom, I am my mother.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is crazy to just keep like the generation trauma is generational trauma is what's crazy? Ew, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I it's crazy. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's. Yeah it's tough. I think, um, the way that I was parented, uh, and kind of that, like tough love thing or it was like um created some like people pleasing tendencies and some like perfectionism issues where it was like I have to make sure everything's like I'm doing the right thing all the time and you all my ducks in, are in a row all the time. And then with things it was like yeah, I have to make sure that I'm being like, I'm being respectful and I'm being this and it's like I always have to be making sure that for other people.

Speaker 1:

I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing instead of, like, focus on myself yeah um, and one thing I like I definitely tend to hold like I hold other people's emotions at times and I'll, like I don't want to make other people feel uncomfortable and so I will be uncomfortable instead, yeah, yeah and so in just like the weirdest situations where it's like why am I doing this?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, where you're just like, just let it go. Yeah, who cares? Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I do that all the time, yeah, and so it's something I had to work on with my therapy.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Good. Well, I mean the fact that you're working on it, it makes no difference.

Speaker 1:

Well, and I didn't really even realize it until she pointed it out after, like talking through a bunch of stuff and she was like you didn't recognize it. Yeah, she was like. You know, it just seems like a lot of times you're doing things just for other people to feel better, but then you feel really bad about it. Yeah, Like yeah, but I don't know, it's hard.

Speaker 1:

I think a lot of people just have so much so many problems expressing emotion and even like talking about mental health stuff, therapy, like that wasn't talked about at all, not in my household. Yeah, we never talked about that um, and it wasn't until a lot later, I was an adult, that my grandma told me that um they had done some like family therapy when my mom was a kid, which I didn't and it didn't work. It didn't, it didn't go well um, it was mainly for her step, my mom's stepsister there was like a lot of issues and so it was like based around that, but um yeah, I didn't even know that.

Speaker 1:

I was like really, because that wasn't when my mom was a kid yeah, which is really yeah. That's when people just thought you're just like, yeah, you're just a crazy lady, yeah yeah, I mean they only went to the family therapy because she, my the stepsister, she was wild and out.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean it was like you're so out of control and you're ruining this whole family and so we have to do this yeah, it wasn't just like let's go to family therapy so we can be a better, like cohesive unit and talk to each other with better communication skills, which are things that people should be going to therapy yeah, I think about all the time like man, it would have probably been good if we went to family therapy, not for anything specific, but just like you go to therapy for like couple of therapy, just like some check-ins, you know, and like I think that people I mean it's just like your love language I don't think that people realize like you, each child you have to raise kind of differently.

Speaker 2:

But I don't think you see that until really later on and kind of dealing with like repetitive behavior from your children, that you really realize like yeah, like this person doesn't deal with things the same way as this one. Like I could literally scream into Mia's face and she just was stone cold. If I just raised the tiniest voice to Brit he would flip the fuck out, crying Like, and so I didn't really like I had to learn that like Brit just has I have to talk so calmly to.

Speaker 2:

Tamia I mean to Brit and so like kind of manipulate him with my words a little bit more than to me.

Speaker 1:

I could just be straightforward, a little bit more angry and she would react, you know, and straighten up yeah, you know, that's how it was with me, and my sister too, because I would be more like to me, like I'm, and I'm also the oldest yeah like she is and so. But then my sister I mean, you just look at her the wrong way when she was little and she would just start crying and throw a temper tantrum.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and it was like oh, my God. Yeah, what's going on here? Yeah, yeah. Well, you're trying to navigate that as a parent to parent differently.

Speaker 1:

So that makes me think too. That is one thing I feel like I did notice a lot when I was a kid is how my family treated my sister, which I mean mean here's the thing. It would be like she, they would just say things a lot to her like you're so sensitive. It was like you're so sensitive, you're so dramatic, or stuff like that, which now, looking at it, it's like okay, well, you know, maybe she was struggling with some like mental health stuff or whatever.

Speaker 1:

and so you just don't know and like we didn't like I said, we didn't really talk about anything like that and nothing was ever done to like figure out, like why is she so upset over these things? Like we're, we think she's so dramatic or so like, and we're not really talking to her about either. We're just telling her like just shut up, just shut the hell up about it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, get over it. Yeah, and she just needs someone to like talk her through things and she has to just, but she just can't figure that out.

Speaker 1:

They just parented us the same and I just would act a certain way and I wouldn't act like that and cry about stuff, and so they didn't really need to tell me that I was too sensitive or whatever, and they would just act, you know, parent her the same way as me, right, they shouldn't, right, right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, it's just that is true, there's different, different kids, because when we again we had like the three kids in the house, the oldest one, actually she was the one that was really more sensitive and would you had to kind of like, talk to her more about stuff and, um, be a little bit more gentle, whereas, like with my son, he needs to know the why behind everything.

Speaker 1:

Like he don't just like tell him something, because he's going to be like what are you even telling me this for right? It's like I have to explain to him why like things are happening or why I need him to do a certain thing or not act a certain way, or whatever, and then he'll go okay, it's like I need to talk to him like an adult, whereas some kids that doesn't really work yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

It is interesting, uh, now being on this end of things for me, uh, and just seeing how things turned out. By the way that I parent, like one of the things they say is like, because I was semi, I mean I wasn't really like a helicopter parent, but I was like, okay, you need to do these things. These are like the kind of outfit you need to wear, you need to do all these things. And then they say now, like they can't make any decisions for themselves.

Speaker 2:

They have to ask me like all the time like well, can you just tell me if this outfit looks cute, you know, or stuff like that? You know, in a funny way. Obviously they do make their own decisions, but yeah, so sometimes they feel a little bit more reliant on me than they probably should, cause I've kind of babied them a little bit. But I don't care, I like it.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think, as a parent, it makes you feel needed too.

Speaker 2:

Right yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because I think I have always, since Bentley was a baby, like I wanted him to be independent I mean not when he was a baby, but you know what I mean Like I knew since then, and so I always try to do things to get him Like I w I'm not the kind of parent I would not just like carry him around all the time as a baby I was like he has to learn how to entertain himself.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Of course.

Speaker 1:

I have have a life, yeah, and so stuff like that. And so, even when he was, like a toddler.

Speaker 2:

I wouldn't really talk to him like he was a toddler yeah, just regular.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I just kind of talked to him normal and still, and again, that is when I would like kind of explain things, yeah, and just want him to be more self-sufficient. But yeah, it does make you feel like I mean, now he's almost 13 and I feel like what am I even here for? He doesn't need need me for anything which is kind of sad.

Speaker 2:

You know it's like sometimes.

Speaker 1:

I go. Oh man, I kind of wish you you know which is not true of course, yeah, he needs me for stuff, but like it just doesn't feel like it. The way that, like how your kids are, like they ask your opinion about stuff and like kind of need help with things where my son's like it's fine, you don't even need to be here well, he doesn't really need help.

Speaker 2:

Your son doesn't really need help with like things yet. Well, like adult things yet he's like in the middle yeah, he doesn't need help with any kid things and he can fully take care of himself yeah, like he does no laundry and like all that kind of stuff, like, yeah, but he's not like into adulthood, yeah, it'll change. For sure He'll need you again.

Speaker 1:

I know it's like there is now. Our generation is like the helicopter parents and like overprotective coddling and like overvalidating their feelings sometimes.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, they really. Yeah. There's those parents Like I've heard parents like they never say no, heard parents like they never say no to their kids, like they just try to redirect.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's the problem, yeah, so that's not I mean.

Speaker 2:

here's the thing I always say I'm mean mom, I still am mean mom, like that's just how I roll, I won't change that, like I don't care. I see that my kids are good citizens, so I must have did something right. I do have more patients, a lot more patients. Um, I noticed with Rihanna.

Speaker 1:

um, cause the kids always go if I would have done that and I go yeah, I mean I'm older, I have.

Speaker 2:

I also am not as stressed as I was when I was younger and we didn't have any money and like all this stuff, you know, cause that factors all into those things, um, and so I was doing the best I can then. But yeah, I think that if I had a kid now, I would definitely have like a lot more patience, um, in dealing with them, um, and so there'd be a couple of things that I would change, but I'm I still think that I am kind of like a more stern parent.

Speaker 1:

I still just would be like that.

Speaker 2:

I just I don't think I could ever be like well, I mean, if you really don't want to do it, then you know it's okay, I guess I do do that.

Speaker 1:

You know, I do no.

Speaker 2:

Get the fuck up. I asked you one time to do it and you better get up right now and do it. I'm not playing around. Not playing around Like that.

Speaker 1:

no, yeah, but I'm always kind of was like that, like she didn't really force us, like I know some parents would like force them, like you have to play an instrument and you have to play a sport you have to do and I still think that, yeah, and I, my mom, never did that with us, um, and so I try to do it with Bentley, like I will try to direct him to do stuff like that but if it's something he's like I just really don't want to then I'll try to be like okay, then come up with an alternative like that's been my thing the past probably year or so with him is I tell him something and he disagrees or doesn't want to, then I go.

Speaker 1:

Okay, when you have until x time, I give him a deadline to come up with an alternative solution yeah, that's good, and then he either has to come up with something yeah, I will agree to yeah or what I said goes yeah, and so it gives him a little bit of autonomy yeah like and problem solving skills to be like.

Speaker 1:

Okay, how can we? And so I always say, tim, what I try to do is, instead of being like, like you're not doing your we actually just had this conversation last night because he's not really doing his chores all the time. Like 50% of the time he does it without me saying and the other 50%. I have to say something which pisses me off, you know, and cause I'm like? I don't want to keep reminding you to do this stuff.

Speaker 1:

And then he's mad at me, like I know, mom. And then I'm like why are you mad at me when you're the one who's not doing your job Right? So last night I said we're going to have a family meeting and then we sat down so I say to him okay, we have a problem, Our family has a problem and this is the problem. Now, what can we come up with to fix this, Instead of saying why are you doing this?

Speaker 1:

And you need to just do it, and then it makes it a little bit like it's not his fault necessarily.

Speaker 2:

And he knows it's his fault.

Speaker 1:

Right, but I'm not saying, like you know, I'm wording it a little bit differently and so he can see, because I think that that's also how it should be in relationships. Yeah, I think that, like, if you, even with your partner, you have a problem, and it doesn't really work when you just go to someone and you say, hey, you're fucking up on this, this and this, why work? When you just go to someone, you say, hey, you're fucking up on this, this and this, why are you doing this? If you go, hey, we're having this problem in our relationship, yeah, how can we fix it? And so I try to do that a lot with him and I think he, I think he respects me more for that too yeah and he appreciates that, instead of me just telling him what to do all the time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, um, so I don't know.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you are a really nice mom. Oh, thanks, yeah. I mean even the way that you talk to your child, your child, yeah you're you're really nice and calm and stuff.

Speaker 1:

I try to be calm with him. I I do feel like my mom yelled at us um, which I would just be like. Why did they yell at?

Speaker 1:

like you could just tell us you don't have to yell about it, but you know she'd be like if I don't yell about it, you don't listen yeah, which is like yeah, maybe that's true too, but I think what you said you touched on, uh like with Rihanna you're so much more because you're a different, because you're in a different place of life, right now yeah and I think that's what we don't realize when we're kids, like that's what I always, always think, like I'm the older kid and there's only like a four year difference between my sister the way like things that my sister would get away with that.

Speaker 1:

I was like I would have never been able to. It's like my mom just was in a different place of life.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, I think too like each child um just has their own experience with their parents, you know and it's just going to be very different. You don't tend to find that every kid has had the exact same experience with their, you know, their mom or their dad or whatever. So I think that is also interesting too. Uh, just being, you know, a couple years, you know it could be like a year and a half and they still had like a little bit different, you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah yeah, time with their parents yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So yeah, I you know parenting is so tough. You make so many mistakes doing it and you, you know, even even if you did it like you're like a gentle parent or you, you know you treat your kid like a little precious gem and stuff you think that that's gonna be the way they. You know that they are gonna turn out great and then maybe they're gonna turn out shitty anyway yeah, you never know, never know.

Speaker 2:

It's really the scary part about parenting. I think you don't know if you do all these things and then they're, for some reason, something's gonna trigger something and they're gonna get hooked on drugs.

Speaker 1:

Or they're gonna, you know, and then they're gonna just like fall apart.

Speaker 2:

And then how are you gonna be a parent to that? Like? I think? You know, parenting is so scary and I can see why people decide not to do it. Yeah, you know, my brothers have no desire to have children. Yeah, and I'm always like, come on you know no, uh but, and I could see why they take up all your time, your money and all of your energy and your body and you can just have that for yourself if you would like in this lifetime, yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

You can maximize your experience here on earth without a child.

Speaker 1:

Yes, you can probably more so.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, or you could do it with the child and you know, try to be a better parent, to have a better experience with your children too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I know Tough, it's really tough, and I think too, you know, I mean I'm 40, but are going to be 40 soon and I think people are having kids a lot later too. Oh yeah, you know, and I think that that says something and that like about like you're probably your own parenting, you know where like yeah, you have a kid when you're in your late thirties, man, if it you're.

Speaker 2:

Well, I hear two things. You're a lot more tired, right? They're like you know, but also you just have more available to you you know, and you have more life skills to like raise a child, right, you know, like when you're raising a child that you know in your early 20s you don't really have any life experience. You're just kind of they're, you're both just going through life together.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, like you're also a kid yeah, so you're just trying to get to the end goal of where, like, people are adults, you know. So I think that that's really tough. So I think, like, especially being like a teenage mom, you know, it's kind of crazy.

Speaker 1:

So yeah, yeah, I bet, yeah. I think there's just like finding a balance. You know where we? I think it's just like starting with awareness. I think, as long as you have some type of like self-awareness about what you're doing as a parent and you recognize if you're either repeating patterns from your childhood experiences or if you're like over-correcting, just realizing it and kind of like, I think that's like the biggest thing.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know I definitely over-corrected, over-corrected and just corrected. My mom is just like can't be bothered, she's just like so soft, and so you know she was not strict. I think she tried to pretend she was strict, but she really just, and my mom, you know, was a bit absent when we were younger too, so it was just like there were really no rules for us. We were just kind of like there and so I was like I don't know, my kids need to have like rules, like they need to have chores and they need to have rules and like it needs to be strict, you know, and I was like it has to be that way, yeah, but I could see how that could be not beneficial to a child if you really go the other way and you start like having a military household when you know, hmm, so, oh yeah, tough, tough uh, do you have any?

Speaker 1:

do you have any like funny stories? About your parents or like anything as a child that you can think of I have one, I have one.

Speaker 2:

Okay, let's hear it.

Speaker 1:

I still can't believe this happened, okay, okay. So I'm trying to think of how old I was I think I was 12, and I really wanted to teepee someone's house, okay. And so there was this boy and I had a little crush on him Cute.

Speaker 1:

And he lived down the street from us. So I was like, ooh, we should teepee his house. And so my best friend and I were in my room and we're like coming up with this plan, and my mom overheard us talking about and I thought I was going to get in trouble. And she's like you want to teepee a house? Like I'm so good at teepeeing houses, let's do it. And she was gonna. She's like I'm gonna teach you proper way to teepee a house. Oh, my god.

Speaker 1:

So we that night we're like, yeah, we're doing this. So we like recruited like two more friends and so it's like the four friends and my mom, so my mom's like the full blown getaway driver, so we have like the whole this is great.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we have the whole trunk of our car like filled with toilet paper and my mom's telling us all this stuff. So we drive up and she had parked like a little bit down the street Cause the, because he lived down the street, but it was like a it was a really long street yeah. Like it was, you had to anyway, so she was Avenue it was pretty far, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So she parked a little bit away and just had the car like idling. So we get out and we're just keeping and my mom's doing it with us and she's like telling us what to do, whatever. Well, all of a sudden, like halfway through, and the porch lights turn on. Yeah, I wanted to die. So and immediately the boy's mom opens the door and she's scary as fuck. By the way, she's like probably six feet tall and she's like hella scary. This lady was really mean.

Speaker 2:

And we already knew that.

Speaker 1:

We already knew his mom and knew he was scary and I was like, oh no, like she's the one and of course we're standing right in front, like she saw immediately and knew who we were.

Speaker 1:

And so she starts yelling at us. She comes out, she's screaming and we're just like frozen, like we don't even know, and I'm looking around for my mom, like where the fuck is my mom, and I don't see her anywhere. This bitch ran behind a tree and she's hiding. She fucking hid behind the tree. I love it and let it be yelled at escaping yeah, yep, sorry, yeah.

Speaker 1:

So she hides behind the tree the whole time we're getting bitched at and oh no. And then to top it off, to make it even more, just like mortifying the mom, she's like stay here. She goes in the house, pulls the boy out of his bed he's just in his boxers she pulls him outside and she's like look what your friends did. And she's yelling at him he probably wanted to die. I mean, how embarrassing. Um, so we go through this whole thing and she's like I'm telling your parents, blah, blah. I'm like, yeah, okay, tell my mom, you know. And she's telling us she's gonna call the cops on us. And so then she just tells us like you better go, like you better run home, because I'm gonna call the cops on you right now. So we're like, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. So we run off. And then, when we're running down the street, that's when I see my mom and I was like mom, where were you? And she's like that was so funny, like she thought it was so hilarious she loved it.

Speaker 1:

I was you really. Let you just hung us out to dry. Yeah, she did and she's like, yeah, I can't get in trouble. Like, yeah, she could just yell at you guys, you guys are kids. Like I can't be out there getting bitched at. Yeah, that's great. And so we just hop in the car drive back home with my mom and yeah, that was like core memory.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, as that's pretty good. You know, I don't really have any good stories like that Really yeah. You know it was. I grew up like my mom's an immigrant, so we grew up in like a really serious household.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

You know, and because we have so much like trauma in our house, we don't really I don't really have any like funny. Funny stories, like all my stories, are like sad struggle stories.

Speaker 2:

Oh, struggle. Oh, god, don't tell me anyway, you want to tell a sad one. I think I have a couple. I mean I remember this. So, like as a parent, I, I, I remember I felt for my mom this day.

Speaker 2:

So my brothers were kind of bad. They really, yeah, they were really bad, like why one brother he told us this story later like cause my mom wasn't there a lot, right, or she cause she worked at one point my mom was working, like she worked at eight to five and then she went to, she would come home five to 11 and she would work in Napa and then she would work from midnight to seven 30, and then she would go straight to her next job God Right. So she was just gone. And then the hours that she was home she was sleeping, right Too, like, so she would work those hours. Like there was a period of time, I think for a couple of years, that was her schedule and I was like this bitch is crazy, right, like, god damn. Like what are we doing here? Damn, you know. And this was to like feed us and stuff, and she was just working, you know, 16 hours. You know that's crazy. So she should have just became a stripper or something.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so she should have just became a stripper or something, something. Yeah, come on, sell your feet.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so she could be home a little bit more, poor lady. So my mom did that. So because of that, we were pretty bad.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we were pretty bad, you know, because it was just us. And my brother told me this story where they were, he would go to the school and they would play, and there were the portables, you know, the portable classrooms or whatever, right. So you know, they're always like next to each other, the portable classrooms, and one time he jumped in between, oh my god, and so my other brother was there, so like he couldn't climb out of it. He jumped in between and couldn't climb out of it. It got dark, so, giovanni, and so I don't really remember this. And so the problem was I was supposed to watch my brothers, but I was, you know, anywhere from like 12 to 15. And I was like I can't just fucking watch these kids all the time. I got to go do my own thing too, and so I would just be gone a lot too Like I was a bad parent also.

Speaker 1:

So my poor brother, was stuck in there.

Speaker 2:

So my poor brother was stuck in there and he said, like Giovanni was five, so Christian was eight, you know. And so it's getting dark and he goes Giovanni, you need to go home. So they don't realize that like we're both gone and then everyone's going to be looking for us, you know. So he goes home and Christian said he's stuck in the port, Like he can't get out, right, what the hell? So he said it takes him two and a half hours and he wall climbs like feet on one side, hands on the other.

Speaker 1:

You know, and that's.

Speaker 2:

Christian. He's so fucking fit like that still and climbs out of this tall porta potty I'm porta potty, porta potty, porta pool, the classroom, the portable classroom, wow. And then he said he finally comes home at like 8 o'clock at night and no one even knew he was gone.

Speaker 1:

No one noticed. Oh, that is kind of sad but also pretty funny, yeah, I mean, so my brothers were bad like that.

Speaker 2:

They always, like, they tell me stories. Now, I mean, I did pretty bad things too, like when I was in eighth grade my mom would go to sleep and I would steal her car. Oh my God, yeah, I was still, but I didn't know how to drive. Yeah, of course there's a problem, but all my friends knew how to drive, right. Yeah, in eighth grade. So we stole the car a couple of times and then this was so dumb. So we stole the car and what we would do is we would push it like three or four. We would put it in neutral and push it three or four doors down so that when we started she wouldn hear it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, kind of smart a little bit, right. And then, uh, so we did that one night and then I crashed the car, of course, because I didn't know how to drive it. Yeah, right, and so I brought it home. I just like hit like a sign, right, I brought, I hit the big old tire sign on north texas. Yeah, uh-huh, and so I brought it home and it got a flat tire. It I, it didn't have a flat tire when I like hit the car, it got a flat tire overnight or whatever.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so, being the mother that my mom is and she's an immigrant, and sometimes I say like sometimes you don't, they don't understand things you know. So when you're not from this country, so my mom gets a flat tire, where does she take the car to? To big old tires. Oh shit, and he goes. I think your car hit my sign, no, so then my mom believed that someone stole her car at bingo when she went to bingo and crashed it and then brought the car back at least, that's what she's told me yeah, I don't know if she wanted me not to be in trouble or what.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and you have met my mother many times, that is you're just like funny, mama, come on. Yeah, so I definitely didn't get in trouble, right? So then that happened. And then a couple weekends later, I stole the car again, jesus.

Speaker 1:

You are bad.

Speaker 2:

So then we were in Vacaville, here on Alamo, mm-hmm, and my friend was driving I wasn't driving, obviously, I don't know how and she forgot to turn her headlights on when we pull out of the gas station. Right, perfect. So we're driving down, we're in the Foxborough area and there's a cop. He blurps us, does a little blurp, no, and she doesn't want to stop. No, I go, you got to pull over right now. And they're like she's like I'm not pulling over. And I go, yes, you are. Oh God, so I I'm like, pull over, pull over, pull over. There's three of us in the car. And so we pull over and the cop like is like all right, give me, what do you guys got for ids or whatever, but we're like 12. But the thing is we're all, like associated with the military, so we all have our military ids. So we're giving the military ids. Well, the one only thing that probably my stepdad has ever done nice for me is that they recognized who my, like your sponsor is like you know and that I'm a dependent or whatever.

Speaker 2:

And so they were like, oh, he worked with him, the police officer worked with him. And so he was like, well, I don't know why it's like such a weird story. But he was like, well, where is he? And I was like I didn't want to talk about it. At that point he had already went away to prison or whatever. And so my friend had told like she's like, I'm like, I don't want to talk about it, you can tell them what happened, or whatever. So my friend had told like she's like, I'm like, I don't want to talk about it, you can tell them what happened, or whatever. So my friend tells and he goes okay.

Speaker 2:

So then they decided to let us all go, but everyone's parent has to come get them, right? Yeah, well, I took the phone off the hook at home, so my mom wouldn't be woken up by any phone calls because we had sold a car. So bad right, holy. Because we had sold a car. I was like what? So bad right, holy shit. So then when my friend's mom picks her up, they go to my mom's house. They have to throw rocks at the fucking window because my mom's not answering the door or anything, yeah, and so the police officer puts me in cuffs and just drives me home and he just lets me go, damn Mm-hmm. And I mean I got grounded, but like I wasn't like grounded for hella long.

Speaker 1:

My mom kind of just was like yeah, she wasn't even home.

Speaker 2:

I think she knows. Yeah, I mean, the thing is my mom knew at that point that, like our family was all fucked up from everything that had happened, and so she didn't really know how to navigate through any of that. So I think that that's really hard too. Like she's an immigrant. She, you know she's an immigrant. She, you know she's going through it with her daughter, with herself. I mean, that was her husband that molested her daughter, and so our family was just chaos and so, um, you know, I mean, yeah, we have some funny stories that we were bad, but yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, so funny.

Speaker 2:

That's probably the worst thing that I ever did was being bad like that, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I would have never I was such a rule follower.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

I mean that TPing the house was like that was so bad.

Speaker 2:

That was like the worst thing I ever did.

Speaker 1:

That seems like nothing Like I should have gone to prison for that. Yeah, that seems like soft stuff. You know what Like I?

Speaker 2:

should have gone to prison for that. Yeah, that's what I felt. Like Soft stuff, like I would you know what. That seems like I would never TP someone's house. Like that seems like embarrassing to me. Yeah, when I was younger I'd be like why would you do that? Yeah, yeah, like I would just never, you know.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, we thought we were like so cool. Yeah, yeah, we have very, very different childhoods, yeah, I mean, other than like our moms have kind of similar. Like my mom worked all the time. She had two regular jobs and then a paper route, yeah, and so I would go on the paper route with her at three o'clock in the morning. What the fuck like. I have school and so also we would just leave. That's why you get up early, that's why I'm always before. I always wake up at like two or three and go on this paper route with my mom. Also, we would just leave my sister. That's why you get up early, that's why I'm always up before. I always wake up at like 2 or 3 and go on this paper route with my mom. Also, we would just leave my sister home. She's just like a little kid, little baby.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean back then, you know, you get to be like 6 or 7.

Speaker 1:

You just get to stay home and when you're 11, you're just watching a baby you might be, you know yeah yeah, so it's crazy so we would just leave my sister, I mean, she probably at that time was like seven or eight yeah, she wasn't like a baby, but that's how it was. When we were younger, we just everyone was just home by themselves, like whatever, and so we would leave, and then we'd go on this page and it's like I wanted to go yeah, I wanted to go and I was like this is so fun and I like really wanted to help my mom and so she could like do her paper route faster.

Speaker 1:

And so I just remember we would be just riding around in her little Ford Escort wagon, cute at three o'clock in the morning, and we're just like we have hella papers, and so the thing to you would just like fold all the papers first, and then you just have to like stuff them in the car so you have to like get them in like strategically so you could fit them all in the car and then I would literally sit on top of the pile of newspapers in the front seat and we would just have the windows rolled down and I'm just like chucking out, like every other.

Speaker 1:

I'm just like chucking out newspapers, you love it and we would have um, we just always have music on. I specifically remember we would have on repeat britney spears, cute or usher, those were the two. We always had them on repeat and we just cds, of course. Yeah, and we're just singing songs and just throwing out newspapers and I thought, and then at the end of the day, you know, when we come home, your hands are black from the newspaper yeah and you would have like little, almost like these little cuts kind of on your fingers because you're doing so many rubber bands yeah the rubber bands, killer you should have had

Speaker 1:

gloves, yeah no, no, so that we can't afford that core memory for you core memory newspaper route with my mom that that's so cute.

Speaker 2:

You know, I do have this story. Drew always brings this up all the time, and maybe it's that's why I'm a maximalista, Because you know, uh, when we were in high school, my we would go to church every day, every Sunday, every day, every Sunday, um on base, and afterwards my mom would take me to the BX and I would get a new outfit every.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, because you know they have their clearance racks and sometimes things would be $3. Yeah, yeah, like the super cheap. And they'd be like, oh, additional 50% off. You know they're going to pay you to take it out of the store. Please take this, yeah. And so my mom would buy me a new outfit I mean this was later on, this was in high school, so she had a little bit more money or whatever outfit.

Speaker 2:

I mean this was later on, this was in high school, so she had a little bit more money, or whatever she would buy me an outfit every sunday, and so I'd have a new outfit for school every fucking week damn, and I think that that started it like I was like okay, I got this new outfit.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you have to get new outfits all the time now yes, that's a problem.

Speaker 2:

My mom did it, so, yeah, she started all with.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think I told you this before my grandma used to do um, because you know how you buy.

Speaker 1:

You would buy clothes in the beginning of the school year and you spend a few hundred dollars, and then you don't fucking wear them after a couple months or you outgrow them or whatever. And so we she changed it and she made it like, instead of doing that, you just every single month, the whole year, you get a $50 clothing allowance. Nice, so you could like spend it, or you could save it for like, but you had to spend it or you could save it for like but you had to spend it on clothes yeah and so I always liked doing that, like, oh, what can I get with my clothing?

Speaker 2:

allowance, and so I liked that.

Speaker 1:

It kind of helped me to learn a little bit of budgeting too.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, not me. Just, every Sunday you get a new outfit, it disappears.

Speaker 1:

Well, that's what I expect now but if I ever walk into a Target, you know the budget goes out the window and I just start throwing shit in the. I know I have been with you I know I, you know, I have learned my lesson. I stopped going inside target. I can't, I can't go.

Speaker 1:

I'll just or I go there and I have like I have a certain amount I can spend and oftentimes lately, what I'm proud of myself, but like I'll go in and I'll start throwing shit in the cart and then, before I go to check out, I go go okay, let me just go back through everything. And then I asked myself, like do I really need?

Speaker 2:

to reevaluate everything, and then I put everything back. Oh, almost everything. So you're just going there and looking at things, taking it, putting her in.

Speaker 1:

And I have to go back and find work Cause I don't want to. I feel really bad, and because my grandma used to work in retail and she used to talk about how shitty it was.

Speaker 1:

And so I always think about like oh man, if I don't put this back, someone like my grandma is going to have to go put it away. Oh, that's so sad. So I'm like I got to put this away, so yeah. So now I've been really proud of myself. I've been like, first of all, don't go to Target and second of all, if you have to go to out, yeah, you know.

Speaker 2:

I mean, I think target is said like I don't know. It's so weird. It comes in ways sometimes you go in there and you find a bunch of shit, and then sometimes you go in there and you go there's fucking nothing here.

Speaker 1:

This place sucks, sucks, yeah, yeah I know, or they just don't have what you want. Also, they're getting a little big for their britches with the pricing.

Speaker 2:

Oh, you think the pricing's going up a lot yeah, like who do you think you are? Yeah, but that's because I think they have like Levi's in there now.

Speaker 1:

They do Right.

Speaker 2:

So, like I think the jean situation, which you know, I can never find jeans in there. It's rare, yeah, just the sizing is off for me. Yeah, yeah, but but.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I don't know I I'm glad we added our little childhood stories.

Speaker 2:

Kind of fun right. That was fun yeah.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that at the end of the day, you just have to realize like parenting is never perfect.

Speaker 2:

No.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely no way you could ever be a perfect parent and I think it all, like I said, just starts with self-awareness and just you also just utilizing whatever information and like tools and resources that are available to just kind of help you along, and then you just do the best you can. Yeah.

Speaker 2:

You know, I have a great relationship with my mom, even though she was just, like you know, just kind of doing whatever she could and stuff. And I, I think even now, like you know, you have to understand that even you know as being a child, and then you know your parent and parent and stuff too is like everyone's just trying to do their best, everyone's trying to do what's right in the moment, and then things change later and you know, yeah, you should, you could sit there and apologize to your kids later and like if that's how you feel and stuff, and I think that even going to therapy as an adult with your parents might be good too.

Speaker 2:

You know my brother recently asked me if I think that we should all like, if I need that, you know he was asking me, but I still know my mom's reaction to things and I don't really need that because there's not really going to be like her and I have a really good relationship Like.

Speaker 2:

I don't really need that for her Therapy would be for me, not for like our family or whatever, yeah. So yeah, I mean, even though we had like a weird childhood, you couldn't tell from when you hang out with us that we were really dysfunctional right, we all have a really good relationship still yeah, yeah I think that we just try to be understanding of, like all of our situations when we're younger, you know, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1:

So try your best, try and hopefully it works out. Yeah, good luck. Yeah, yeah, tell us if you guys have any like funny childhood stories or any Sad ones or sad ones or a bad one, yeah. Or tell us if there's like parenting or like childhood trauma stuff that you went through with your parents that you feel like maybe you're doing so much better with your kids.

Speaker 1:

We'd love to hear anything about parenting. Yeah, send us a DM on our Instagram at maximalist life podcast and we will see you guys next time hope you're having fun.

Speaker 2:

Tits up, dicks out. Thank you.