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Maximalist Life
This is Maximalist Life, with Brianna Gamble and Tamika Stringfellow. This unfiltered podcast is your permission slip to chase after everything you damn well desire.
Join us as we dish out no-holds-barred conversations and invite you to step into a life filled with limitless possibilities. Forget fear and embrace the maximalist mentality with us every week.
Get ready to experience piss your pants laughter, cringe-worthy truths, and be inspired to break free from living a mediocre life.
Maximalist Life
Ep 20 - Where My Girls At? Making Friends As An Adult
Episode Summary:
Making friends as an adult is hard—but not impossible. It takes intention, a little bravery, and being down to feel awkward AF sometimes 😅. But the connections? So worth it.
💬 Real adult friendships take courage and a willingness to actually be vulnerable
👩👧👦 Parent friendships often revolve around your kids... which is great—but sometimes you just want friends of your own
🚫 Opposite-sex friendships can get weird when you're in a committed relationship
📱 Bumble BFF, Meetup, and all the apps can help—but they’re a lot of work
😬 Friend "dating" can feel awkward AF—there’s no roadmap like there is for romantic relationships
📚 Group stuff like book clubs, photography meetups, or even random “stranger dinners” make connecting feel way less forced
💻 Long-distance besties? Get creative—like setting up weekly “Waffle Wednesday” video calls 🍽️
🚫 True friendships shouldn’t feel like a competition or like someone’s keeping score
💖 One or two ride-or-dies >>> ten kinda-friends you can’t really open up to
Stay Connected:
📲 Follow us on Instagram: @maximalistlifepodcast
🎙️ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify – it helps us so much!
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Speaker 2:Welcome to Maximalist Live. I'm your host, brianna, and I'm Tamika, and we're going to talk about making friends as an adult. Okay, wait, I have a friendship gift for you. For me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've been hiding it back there. Are you ready? Did?
Speaker 2:you know this? Yeah, what is this? What does it say? Oh my God, that's so cute, isn't it kind of silly?
Speaker 1:That is so, first of all. I've had it for weeks, weeks, and I just keep forgetting to bring it oh, my god, thank you so much.
Speaker 2:I love it. Oh, no, I'm gonna wear it like this for the rest of the time. Yeah, oh, like that, just like this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm gonna put it on, yeah I wish it had like the pepsi, like writing, because you like pepsi, but it's like you know, coke. So yeah, yeah, oh, I love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you, you're welcome oh my god, this is so fucking cute. Yeah, ps. I heard somebody told me I heard something about some carhartt jackets. Christy said, oh, I have to go, I'm picking, she goes, I'm picking up the jackets for cecily and angela. I said, what jackets? And she goes, oh, uh, I'm like no, what jackets? And she's like, uh, tamika made them jackets for. She was hoping it would be for, like, their first day, but then, like the guy didn't have them in time or whatever, and um, I'm like what like fucking photographer jackets? And she's like I don't know, it's like stuff for the studio. And I was like, and so I thought it was like. I said, well, what kind of jackets are they? And she I'm such a bitch.
Speaker 1:And she's like um, Because I thought it was, I think she really she didn't really know how they were going to look.
Speaker 2:Well, I, because you know the jackets you got for us, the pullover ones with the embroider.
Speaker 1:I said oh well, what kind of jackets are they?
Speaker 2:Because I thought it was those Because I just found two of them in the back that they were supposed to be for whatever, and so I was like I thought they were those and I was like, oh shoot. So I said what kind of jackets? And she goes um, she said they were like she goes. Oh, you know, they were just like carhartt. I was like carhartt jackets, yeah, and I think Tamika has one. I was like wait, so three of these bitches have jackets.
Speaker 1:I don't have one, and I don't fucking have one.
Speaker 2:She goes I don't know, I don't. She's like I don't want to get in trouble, I don't want to, and I was like I don't have one.
Speaker 1:I don't have one, but I did. We should make some. Yeah, look, this is I got them. You can't see it. I got them vintage Carhartt jumpsuits and then, like it says, I Take Nudes here, and then it has their name like right here. That's so cute and so I wanted them to have it for their first day. Do they both have them now? Yeah, they have them. Oh, my God, I got them. Drew was like I want you to keep this and I go well I just made it for them.
Speaker 1:You have to have one, I know.
Speaker 2:We'll get one, we'll get one.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I got these like vintage Carhartt jumpsuits and then I cut the top off because then it's like crappie, yeah. And so, yeah, they're pretty cute, damn.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they have like she goes. I think tamika and I was like that's so weird that tamika would just get them and have one and like not me, have one.
Speaker 1:I was like that doesn't sound right. No, I was like we'll just see.
Speaker 2:No, I don't have one and then I was like I'm such a fucking brat. I'm like, yeah, make me one.
Speaker 1:I'm like, I'm like tamia yeah, yeah, another one of my kids. Nope, you and I don't have them, only those two.
Speaker 2:Only those, only the new ones, okay, fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we'll make one. That's fine. We'll get a different color too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we got the newbies and the veterans. Yeah, the noobs and the boobs. Ooh, the noobs and the boobs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like it, I like it um, so what kind of shit have we been up to? Well, you just went to maxillofo. Yeah, I was living my maximalist life. I got home at 11, I landed at the airport at 11 35 and I had to get home yeah, because which?
Speaker 1:airport, san francisco, sacramento, thank god. Oh, but you know it was a longer day because I had to have a layover to Sacramento. But yeah, so people. That so people. I don't know why people would listen to us if they don't know us, but I'm just going to tell you. The airport is about 30 minutes from our house. Right, I did a carry on, so I didn't have to wait for my luggage or anything, so I just literally got out and Brit somehow it was like his first run he just like swooped us up, was perfect, nice, practically perfect in every way.
Speaker 2:um, and then I got home and I had to pick out four outfits, yeah, and fucking be here by eight, and you had to go run to the studio to get stuff before you came here, so yeah, so I try to really sleep on my plane ride from Denver to here and then I feel like, fine, well, how was your trip?
Speaker 1:though? My trip was amazing. Um, where, where did you? Where we went to? It's about an hour from Puerto Vallarta. Okay, it's a place called. It depends on what you want to call it. The beach, I believe, is called San Pancho. The area is called San Francisco, okay. Okay, it's about 20 minutes from Sayulita. A lot of people know where Sayulita is now, and we went with my husband's family so both his brothers, my sister-in-law, and then they both have two daughters and we brought Rihanna with us and we stayed in a place.
Speaker 1:They got an Airbnb and it looked like your own personal resort. That's so cool. And we had people that came and cooked us breakfast every morning. So, like, whatever you wanted, my sister-in-law would tell her the night before they would do that, so they would cook, they'd clean and then they would leave like food for, like snacks and stuff, like, if you wanted them to make like guac or like whatever ceviche, whatever you want, they'll just make it for you and leave it for you.
Speaker 1:Damn, uh-huh, and I haven't been on a tropical vacation in a long time I keep going these cities. I mean, drew was like, oh, we went to the philippines but we did things like in the philippines. This was like literally it was like pool or beach, dinner, chill, relax, and it was the nicest airbnb I've ever stayed in and it very much had that like clean, like boho, like almost like cementy floors, a couple black walls, like just beautiful, really, really beautiful. Um, and we just literally relaxed. We would take the golf carts in town because we had two golf carts, and so that was fun. And we went to a beach club one night, one day and we just literally relaxed. We would take the golf carts in town because we had two golf carts, and so that was fun.
Speaker 1:And we went to a beach club one night, one day and we just spent the whole day there. And then we went to the beach a couple times and then we would just drink wine. And then there was like we went to a bar one night. We took the kids to the bar, fun. Yeah, it was just like a family kind of thing, you know a family like bar or whatever. But the food was good and it was so relaxing. I got a little burnt on my chest, but that's okay, I'll just turn brown. And it was really good. Yeah, I mean I haven't been back there in like five years to that area, and it was so relaxing.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm glad you had a relaxing trip because I feel like work's been so busy and you've just been like go, go, go, so it's kind of nice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I haven't done that in so long and you just finished wrapped up training for the two new photographers and so it kind of was like a little bow on the end of your yeah, and the fact that like I I mean I am gonna work on Monday, but I'm not shooting on Mondays anymore it was like this like weird, like transition for me, where I've got this little vacation and then like I'm almost like moving into a new job. Yeah, so it kind of, even though I'm still shooting Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, but yeah, well, I went on an equally as exciting trip yeah, what was your trip?
Speaker 1:yeah, I went to Iowa, you went to Idaho. I keep going right. I went to idaho yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 2:It was fun fact, I lived in idaho for a year and I'm like, well, what's the difference?
Speaker 1:yeah, that's the thing too. I'm like what's the difference between the two?
Speaker 2:not much, yeah it seems like the same. Yeah, so what? What are you saying?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say where are they geographically on the map? I know where Idaho is. That's why I think that I keep saying I don't know where Iowa is, yeah, where, because we're doing right next All I know is.
Speaker 2:It is to the right of Nebraska.
Speaker 1:And the only reason.
Speaker 2:I know that is because we flew into Omaha.
Speaker 1:Because it was closer.
Speaker 2:So the place where we were going to be staying and everything was only like a 10 minute drive from the omaha airport, like just right over the river um, whereas like if we flew into des moines, I think it was like two hours away or something so can we see a map, christina?
Speaker 1:let's see, christina, this is where we are. Okay, I, iowa, is over here. Oh, it's far, because the Midwest, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, I mean it's more on the east.
Speaker 1:It's to the left of Chicago.
Speaker 2:But I think but.
Speaker 1:Chicago's Midwest right, I think you would consider Iowa Midwest. Yeah, illinois is considered Midwest, so if it's right next to it, that's Midwest.
Speaker 2:Even though a lot of people say Illinois should not be be midwest. Yeah, yeah, but it is considered okay. Yeah, so a lot further than I thought. Yeah, me too, I thought you're going right here. No, you're going all the way over there. Oh, okay, fun, yeah, which makes sense because it's a long, like flight and yeah, you kept saying it was kind of gonna be over.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know what a pain in the ass uh, yeah, so exciting man.
Speaker 2:We went to iowa for three or four days for my son's robotics nationals Fun yeah.
Speaker 1:It was something.
Speaker 2:It was just a big gymnasium with 160 teams of 12 and 13-year olds who just love robotics.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it seems like an amazing time.
Speaker 2:Exactly what you would think is is probably exactly what it looked like. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that was a bunch of Asian kids in there.
Speaker 2:Okay, so um, there was a, a, a, quite a few teams from China, which I find interesting that they came all the way here for a fucking way yeah. So which I find interesting that they came all the way here for a fucking way. Yeah, so they came. So this was the nationals, and then from nationals you go to worlds, and we didn't qualify anywhere near to go to worlds but the chinese teams just fucking yeah just damn near wiped it because you know they're serious, they're really serious so fucking serious.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like their robots were so advanced yeah, real cool like shit that we were like how did you even know how to do that?
Speaker 1:we're just like you just want your robot to go they're probably 30 years old and you can't tell because you know those asians they don't age. No, yeah, they're really. They're like old men, but they look like little kids.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, it was hella cute, though, like this one, one or two teams they had like these matching jumpsuits and on the back.
Speaker 1:You know I love matching anything, oh my god.
Speaker 2:And they were like black and then it had like these stripes down like the sides and then in the back it had like their team logo, but it was all like in chinese oh, I love it.
Speaker 1:It was pretty. We should get those for the studio. Yeah, I should just. And they should be chinese. Yes, clearly, let's do japanese instead. That's cool, I like the Japans.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so from there we flew to.
Speaker 1:Utah, yeah, because I get a text from you going. Do you think you can keep my dog for a little longer?
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, First of all.
Speaker 1:I have to watch Brianna's dog, which he's a weird dog? Yeah, he is. He always barks at you until you pet him, and you know I don't like dogs yeah, but that's how you know.
Speaker 1:I do take good care of them, because mariana wouldn't just leave her dog at my house if, like you know, they aren't well taken care of. Yeah, but so now I have to have these two, another little yapper along with my little yapper, and they're both so weird. Oh yeah, they're both weird ass dogs, right? So I get a text from her. Can you think you can take my dog for longer?
Speaker 2:a few more days, yeah, yeah, because my grandpa okay, so it was his birthday on that friday and he was having a birthday dinner and he invited everybody and we weren't gonna go because we had the iowa trip and I didn't want my son to miss any more school. He's kind of struggling grade wise right now and I was like you can't miss any more school, like we gotta get you caught up and stuff, so we weren't gonna go and it wasn't like a milestone birthday I mean he's turning 83, which is pretty dope, but like and after 80, though, don't you feel like you appreciate every birthday?
Speaker 2:yeah, so he well, and so he plans this dinner, invites everyone as if he sends a group text to our whole family. Okay, and he's just like, yeah, I got this dinner. Let me know if you can make it like you live there like.
Speaker 1:Literally none of us live there right, nobody lives in that state okay.
Speaker 2:and so he sends this text like let me know if you can make it, and I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:You're like I literally live another state away. I have to fly there, yeah.
Speaker 2:So yeah, and then, like my other family members who like who he texts, same thing they live in California but one of them she's in a wheelchair and so traveling is so fucking difficult for them, and so traveling is so fucking difficult for them, and so it was like it was really difficult for everyone to be able to like try and make it to this thing, so we didn't all think it was that big of a deal, like we're just like, yeah, I mean, you know that we don't live there and we're probably not going to make it. He knew about the Iowa trip, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 1:He when he found out that Bentley and I weren't going to come, he was so upset about yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, and then what he likes to do is he likes to guilt, trip you Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and like joke about it, kind of Mm-hmm. And so he just will be like you know. First he's just like oh, I can't believe you're getting, oh, I'm really sad you're not coming to my birthday. And I'm like oh God. And so he brings like multiple times a day. And then, like the next time I talked to him, he like he'll start saying shit. He was like well, hopefully it's my, not my last birthday right, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 2:and then he'll kind of laugh, and then, but, then you go, but but what if it is, you know? And so he says these things he's like joking, but he's not joking, oh my god, and I felt so bad about it. And then, um, so I felt really awful and I was like we probably should go, and my grandpa does so much stuff, whereas I'm really close with him and I was like we're already gonna be gone, we're already traveling why not?
Speaker 2:just pop over to another few states away and go to his freaking dinner and then we'll come home, come to find out. So here I am feeling so sad that, like, his whole family can't be there all this stuff. And then I talked to my mom and I'm like uh, so who all is coming to this party? She goes, oh, I don't even know all the people. I'm like, well, how many people are coming? She goes, uh, I think like 34. I'm like 34 people. Who is it? And you know he has hella friends, all his neighbors are coming, like literally everyone he knows is coming you didn't need to go you wouldn't have even known we were there.
Speaker 2:I was, I couldn't believe it. I'm like I don't even know 34 people and by the time it came to, it was like 40 something people that ended up showing up. So we had this whole like restaurant, kind of like rented out it was so cute and then so he's 100 italian.
Speaker 2:I'm kind of going longer on the story because I just want to tell you this, okay, so he is 100% Italian, he's not my blood grandfather, so he you know that song, that's Amore, mm-hmm, oh my God, his favorite song ever and loves to sing it. He loves whatever. So he asked me he goes can you print off the lyrics to that's Amore? I want to put the lyrics on the table so everyone can see it, everyone can sing it. And I was like okay, talk about embarrassing, that's where you get it from, that's my family's embarrassing. So I print off all these lyrics. So I have to go around because we don't want to put them before and then people are eating whatever.
Speaker 1:So after the spaghetti gets on there. Everyone's just drinking, so I'm walking around here's your lyrics.
Speaker 2:So that's amore. We're gonna sing this, apparently fucking acapella, because we don't have, you't have you know, access to a Bluetooth speaker?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should have brought that. I'll post a video.
Speaker 2:I took a video. I need to see it. Yeah, I need to see it. There was like another room where people were not part of our party and they started singing and I was like this is so much this is so much. And everyone's just singing and he's standing up singing and I was like okay, Well, if this is your last birthday, you really went out with a fucking bang.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 2:No, it better not. So anyway, but I'll post a video because it's fucking hilarious, but it was pretty cute. I'm glad we went. It was great. It was a really fun time. It was nice to see my family who was able to go yeah and yeah, so I've only been doing white people trips. I went to south carolina and I went to iowa and then I went to utah yeah, that's okay.
Speaker 1:I I like doing white people trips too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sometimes yeah, sometimes, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:So that's my not too many, but a couple you know, yes, yeah, going to pv was nice because it's like you know you're mostly brown people but all the what they're. Now there's so many Canadians. They're kind of dicks. They don't tip, generalizing, but they say that they go there, that the Mexicans you know because my mother-in-law lives there like a couple towns down. She was telling us how a lot of the Canadians they think like the mexicans shouldn't get used to us going down there and tipping them. Oh, the audacity of these people yeah, that's bold.
Speaker 1:Leave the country, get out. Yeah, you want them to serve you. We expect tips in america. Yeah, what weird. That's interesting, uh-huh. So. So we got to see my mother-in-law too, so that was good good yeah, that's good yeah.
Speaker 2:So one thing I noticed when I so, when I go to stuff like this, like the Iowa trip for my son's thing, it's difficult for me because I'm not friends with the parents. The other parents, and so I don't like. I feel like a lot of them are friends and so I feel like a little bit of an outcast like, and because a lot of them are in eighth grade, the the kids are in eighth grade and so they've been doing this for two years.
Speaker 2:my son's only in seventh grade, so it was our first year doing first year doing robots and um, but yeah. But it got me thinking like just in general, like making friends is just rough when you're an adult.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, I always thought that you know, a lot of people make friends with their kids, like, uh, with parents from like their kids sports teams and stuff, or like in their class, the classrooms and stuff. I was so much younger than a lot of the parents that I just always felt like they were judging me, so I just would never and probably then you know, I'm in my 20s, you know, and stuff I just always felt like they were judging me so I just would never and probably then you know, I'm in my 20s, you know and stuff I just thought I was too cool for them. Like I'm like talking to these like hell losers yeah, I'm like you're fucking 40.
Speaker 1:I'm 25 bitch. You know, like that's hella rude. I didn't necessarily think of it that way, but just thinking like that's kind of how you acted. Yeah, like you're 40. What am I going to talk to you about?
Speaker 1:uh-huh yeah, yeah, there's a lot of 25 here, you know, with these kids or whatever. So I never became friends with any of my kids like like through the classroom. I was never the mom that was going in. I was literally we had to raise our kids ghetto. I was literally trying to survive and like make money. So I couldn't just go in this classroom and like do these things plus, I can't deal with other people's kids. I have such issues with other people's kids that I can't do it. So I'm not going to classroom and helping do anything. But if you send some project home like the teachers all do all the fucking crafts, yeah, like I was like oh, whatever crafts you need done, I'll fucking do them. I'll stay up hella late and do them all.
Speaker 2:You know, I had fun doing that I did, I did do the classroom thing yeah, did you like it? No, I didn't, I didn't. I did it from kindergarten through third grade, and the only reason I would have done it through fifth, but the only reason I stopped because of COVID.
Speaker 1:I remember you would say like oh, I'm gonna go into, I would go every Friday, yeah, and that was one thing that's super important, like when I like that was one thing with my business.
Speaker 2:I was like I planned my schedule around, like I want to be able to drop my son off yeah. I want to pick him up from school and on Fridays I want to help in the class and that was like my thing and yeah, it was fucking awful. I just like to be there to like be a part of his life and see him learning and you know, and it was so cute and you know that's when he used to be really nice to me and stuff and be like excited that.
Speaker 1:I was there. Where now?
Speaker 2:like I'm so embarrassing, yeah, but yeah, being around the other kids was so awful and you just get this view into like. This is the public school system here.
Speaker 1:It's really hard too, because the way we kind of raise our kids and the way I kind of feel which I know, like you shouldn't do this to your kids but it's just like I don't really give my kids too much of a voice to speak out of turn and so to see children just say whatever the fuck they want, that's why it's really it really like I have to like restrain myself and just realize like, well, other parents let their kids like have opinions on these things and have, like you know, let their kids say these, and I just don't, and I and I think that's fine. However, you want to raise your kids and so it is tough for me to be out, because here's the thing, it's easy to be around my kids because they're not, they don't speak out of turn exactly they're not disrespectful, they aren't doing out-of-pocket shit, but when I'm out with other people's kids I'm like okay what's happening?
Speaker 1:so I have a side story.
Speaker 2:So when we were in Utah, we went out to lunch and we were it was I mean, I had Bentley there, obviously and then my cousin was there with his, his wife and their three kids and they're really good. They're really good kids too and just really well behaved. There's a table sitting behind us. They had like five kids at this table and they were not little kids. Okay, we're talking like probably eight years old was the youngest up to probably like 14.
Speaker 2:And this restaurant route they serve you these bread sticks and it's like they give you a vase with like these bread sticks and they have these huge ass sticks they look like drumsticks and then the the breads around it. So you kind of just like peel off the thing or whatever. So they had eaten all their breadsticks. So they all took the fucking sticks out and they're banging on the tables. Okay, and these parents aren't saying shit, they're not saying anything about it. And the rest of my family, me and my mom are looking at each other, me and my cousin are looking at each other and we're all just like, are you fucking kidding going and I was like, oh, my god. And so, and you know, I'm like trying not to say something you have such a hard time.
Speaker 2:I have a hard time biting my lip with the stuff, like that. And so I'm like really trying, and then, and then I just kind of explode. I turn around and I because then I heard the mom, like maybe twice, say something, but she's like hey guys, just talk to me now, okay, but she's not really saying it and they keep doing it. She doesn't say shit after, so they're just like whatever, fuck off. I got so overwhelmed, you know, because I'm trying to have a conversation with my mom and I can't even focus, and so it's like building it, building it, building.
Speaker 2:And I turn around and the girl who was behind me she probably was like 12, she's probably like Bentley's age, and so she's sitting right next to her dad and I turn, I said that is so fucking annoying. And the dad looked at me and my mom was like oh my god. And he, he looked at me and I looked at him like yeah, that is so fucking annoying. And he goes hey guys, I, you know. And he tried to be like I keep telling you to stop drumming on the table. It's really annoying. I'm like no, but you haven't said anything, you have not said shit like he felt really stupid because I thought he was gonna say some shit to me and I was like say it say some shit to me, but he didn't and they still didn't stop, and thankfully we were leaving, or else I would have I would have walked over and grabbed the sticks.
Speaker 1:It's like people don't know how to act, like in society, like period, because that's that's the type of person I. We were walking in town on this trip and we were walking behind this guy and he stepped up to the curb. We're all supposed to just walk up. There's no cars or anything. He just stops, no, and I'm like I go, excuse me, and I walk by and jared goes are you not using kindness? And I go. Well, I just said excuse me. And he goes it was your tone and I go. You can't just stop in the middle of the curb. We're all trying to get across the street. There's no cars here allowed here, so you can't. Just, you have to be aware of your surroundings too, and I think that's the type of shit that happens. Those shithead kids turn out to be this shithead brads, you know, yeah, and they're just like are in their own fucking world and I'm like there's other people that live on this earth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, literally on this earth that you can't just take up all the air and all the noise and shit and I just I don't understand that and I think that that's why I am so harsh with my kids, because I want them to be like. They don't need to be people pleasers, necessarily, but they need to be able to, like, go out in the world, be respectful to people that are respectful to them, yeah, and just not be asked, not be oblivious, yeah, so then they can make friends yeah, I'm gonna say that's why it was hard for me.
Speaker 2:It's hard for me to make friends with other parents if their kids are shitheads, because those are the laws that you abide by.
Speaker 1:Those parents like these are the rules that you, you do with your kids. I don't want to be your friend Because I know if you're okay with that?
Speaker 2:what else are you okay with too? You know, yeah, and I don't want to be around your kids, that's it too.
Speaker 2:And we're not going to have a lot of things in common to talk about if you can't even tell your fucking 14-year-old to stop drumming on the table. So yeah, and I feel like I've always been that way and so you know, a lot of times when you have little kids, it's like, oh you, you find friends through these, like mommy, like play dates, or these mommy and me, like gymnastics classes, and I'm I could never do those. I'm like I just can't. Yeah, I don't know I get in these scenarios and I'm like and maybe that makes me seem like I think I'm better than other people, and if that's not, it, it's just I have a really hard time socializing with people or becoming friends with people if there isn't a lot in common and we don't have a lot of things to talk about, or this person is not inspiring to me in any way.
Speaker 2:Like, if I don't find anything interesting or inspiring about you, why would I want to be your friend?
Speaker 1:Also a lot of things like if that's our common thing, it's like, oh, so a lot of things like if that's our common thing is like my kids' sport. I don't want like that's not how I deal with my situations. Like I don't want to talk to you about Rihanna's softball for like hours and hours. Like yeah, we could talk about how the game went and like what their stats are, I guess, but I'm not trying to be like that's what it all revolves around, because I don't give a shit about that. That shit does not matter to me. And the same with the school thing. Like okay, so we go to the school and what are we talking about? The other moms at the school, the teacher, like the drama, like I don't want to subscribe to that at all.
Speaker 2:I want to like go have fun and do maximalist things, and probably not with my kids well, I was gonna say I was was going to say I think the thing that would kind of like that I would notice is a lot of the parents moms specifically, particularly stay at home moms their kids are their whole life, because that's their job.
Speaker 1:They don't have anything else to talk about. And I understand why, and I get it.
Speaker 2:And I'm not saying that that's wrong, but I'm just saying, like I live in a different world, and so once we've exchanged you know birth stories, what else are we talking about? Right, like we can just keep talking about breastfeeding, I guess, but I don't want to. I don't want to just talk about my kid, because my whole identity doesn't revolve around him, and so I think that was hard for me when he was little. Um.
Speaker 1:I think there's such a stigma about us like moms, that our whole life has to revolve around our kids, and so it's always been like we always have to do these things for our kids and all this. But it's not a lot of people speaking up and saying you know what, when they were younger, I actually didn't take them on vacation with me. I actually didn't take them with me every fucking where. I actually went out on the weekends sometimes and I went to their sports games and then we came home and they stayed with grandma and dad and I went out. Like you know, it's okay to have kids. Yeah, you shouldn't be leaving them all the fucking time and stuff, but yeah, you shouldn't be leaving them all the fucking time and stuff. But it's okay to have kids and then also have a social life beyond them and their activities. Right, and I you know, and I know it's so hard to balance that it really is, especially when they're younger, especially when you don't have like a lot of people that you could just leave your kid with too.
Speaker 2:I understand that's really really hard and if you have multiple kids that are young.
Speaker 1:Yes, really young. But it's okay to feel that you want to go do something without your kids, for sure, and it's okay to feel like you want to have something without them.
Speaker 2:And it's also totally okay if you only want to have them be your whole life. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, and make friends with people who feel the same way you have like this common thing you guys get to just talk about your kids the whole time and like totally help each other in that like the kid life, like oh, I have.
Speaker 1:I have this tutor, I have this person and you get all those kind of connections. Yeah, or for us, I just had to figure all that shit out because I wouldn't connect with anyone, you know yeah, I know, and it's like we talked about before.
Speaker 2:It's just when you're not, when you're a little bit older, especially once you're not in school anymore, or if you are a stay-at-home mom or you are not working in a place where you can meet people at work necessarily, like, let's say, you work remotely or whatever it's like, where are you meeting these friends?
Speaker 1:where do people meet friends.
Speaker 2:I, oh, I mean, I think bumble bff yeah, we both tried bumble bff for a little bit at a separate time after covid you couldn't really see your friends or anything, yeah.
Speaker 1:so I feel like I think there was a part of me where I was like I don't like my friends anymore because you couldn't see them, damn, and I don't know. There was a connection lost a little bit and so I was just like I don't really like any of my friends anymore and that's so bratty to say, because I really love my friends. But there was a part of me that kind of felt like that a little bit, or maybe I just was. That was the face that I was putting on when really we just weren't allowed to hang out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's really what it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was yeah. So I was like I don't like my friends anymore, I need to make new friends, and so I would go on this app and you make a profile just like a dating profile, right, and then you kind of just like the thing is you just wipe on people.
Speaker 2:It's kind of weird. It's a lot of work. It is so much work because you are not necessary.
Speaker 1:I think there's two different things. When you are on the dating ads, you are attracted to these people. Maybe you want to have sex with them. You are like, oh, we should go out and I want to get to know you, blah, blah. When you are on these apps with like just females, you're just like, okay, yeah, her profile sounds sounds like okay or whatever. But then you have to go. How are you, how are you, what kind of job do you have? And then we have to do like kind of this date over text. I hate that and we just, and then, if you don't have time or you miss out, and then they didn't, oh god, it's a lot of fucking work yeah, I didn't find a lot of why it would be good.
Speaker 2:I yeah, I don't feel like I gave it a lot like a good try to make effort. I didn't give it the old college try, that's for sure but, um but at first I thought it was fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was kind of cool, like you kind of like, oh, she's kind of cool. That would seem like it's kind of like you're handpicking your friends. You know, usually it's like Window shopping for friends. Yeah, usually you just like meet them and then you're just like, oh, you have a conversation with them and you're like, all right, maybe I like her.
Speaker 2:And then you keep having these, whatever. This way it's like, okay, I like this, I don't like this bitch. Yeah. Next, because sometimes too, everything which is kind of the same with the dating app. It's like everything is on display there, I mean, depending on how, depending on, like, how much they have filled out their profile but you know immediately like if you're gonna align sometimes on values politics yeah, you don't want to fight that yeah, or you even can see, like because they just say right off the bat like, let's say they're like oh, I'm single, not married whatever, whereas you are a married person.
Speaker 2:You're like I might need to find, like a married yeah, like I kind of I wouldn't maybe relate to this person, so in that sense it is like a little nice to be able to navigate through right, because let's talk.
Speaker 1:Okay, I have two little friendship topic topics okay so the first one is you know, as a married person, it's really hard to find friends because you have to find a married couple or you don't have to I feel like it is easier because I wouldn't hang out with someone that like they don't want to hang out with me if they don't like drew right and if I don't like your husband, and then we have to hang out.
Speaker 2:And also, if we're hanging out as a couple, our husbands have to kind of have something it's hard to find, that like four-way connection, where I don't find your husband to be obnoxious. Your husband connects with my husband. We are friends.
Speaker 1:That whole deal and my husband doesn't think you're annoying.
Speaker 2:You're annoying yeah.
Speaker 1:Everyone doesn't think they're annoying and everyone kind of likes each other. That is really hard to find, I feel like, especially later on in life. I think that that's why those people do connect, like on the baseball fields with their kids and stuff like the. The dads can kind of connect with the boys playing and men love to talk about sports, so it's like okay, let them do that and the moms will have margaritas, yeah yeah, that's why it's like good, you know it's so hard.
Speaker 2:And it's hard because sometimes you do find friends like. This is from when I married. It was like we'd try to find a couple of friends. But it's like and maybe this sounds fucked up but if the couple let's say you like them. Like sometimes we would find these couples are like oh yeah, they're kind of cool. Maybe they would do like a game night with us or like whatever. But if they're not married or they're a newer couple, you get a little nervous.
Speaker 2:Where a newer couple you get a little nervous where you go. Oh what? I? What? If we become really good friends with them, then they work up.
Speaker 1:Which side are we gonna choose?
Speaker 2:yeah, they could still, you know, get divorced, I guess, but it's not as like stable of a relationship where you feel safe enough to like become really good friends with them, because then, yeah, you never know what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's kind of weird, it's a tricky yeah, and then my I mean I think that that's really hard to find like couple friends, Like I don't know where you find those.
Speaker 2:That's really hard. Yeah, Um, because I'll be. I do find most, most people's husbands annoying.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Not yours. I don't think yours is.
Speaker 1:Mine's pretty quiet.
Speaker 2:I find your husband to be hilarious.
Speaker 1:Do you see that he like sends our maximalist life? Yes, he always responds, he always participates anytime I put something on and I don't even know he's, he's not like, hey, I'm gonna do this, I just see it later and I go. What the?
Speaker 2:fuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like anytime, I put something on the story on our podcast question, he responds, and it's always silly, so fucking funny every time yeah, I think he's funny um silly, okay, what my other thing is oh yeah, we're gonna say no, no, that's nothing yeah can people of the opposite sex be friends when they are in relationships like full-blown?
Speaker 2:we're talking. We're talking. You are a straight person in a straight relationship and you're friends with someone who's also straight right, like it's not like I have a gay gay friend, that's a boy, right no, it would be like if you and drew were friends, but me and you were not friends.
Speaker 1:No, I don't think that's appropriate I don't think so either. But then what do you do? What? What do you fucking do? If you've been friends with your neighbor boy, okay. The neighbor boy, the neighbor boy. He's your best friend always and you guys always talk through relationships and like you always support and all these things, and then you get a spouse. And then your spouse is like, yeah, I mean yeah, how do you navigate through?
Speaker 2:that. I have a couple things about that. Yeah, how do you navigate through that? I have a couple things about that. Okay, let's hear it. So. Number one I find it interesting when there are friendships like that that don't ever evolve into a relationship like a why and I, and maybe it's just an attraction thing or whatever, but I feel like that's so weird, because your attraction to someone builds when you have this like super great, it's like you're such good friends with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so weird if it doesn't turn into a relationship. It's odd to me. Um, the other thing is like we're talking about yes, we're talking about this is your friend and maybe, maybe you are really good friends with them, maybe you've known them for years, but I do not think that any friendship should trump your marriage no, but I do think like okay.
Speaker 1:So, for example uh, let's talk this scenario. Okay, so I have like a my neighbor boyfriend, right, your neighbor boyfriend always been platonic.
Speaker 2:You have a real one. No, I don't. Oh, this is, I would have everyone. I was like, wait, who the fuck is?
Speaker 1:this. No, okay, so this is a scenario. Okay, I have a neighbor, boyfriend, okay, and yeah, I don't know why this is a neighbor boyfriend right the neighbor, kid neighborhood, kid boy, he's a kid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, he's not a kid, now you have this 19 year old boyfriend. Okay, your name I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:Um, how about? Oh my god, I shouldn't say this, but how about? All in the news, all I'm seeing is these teachers having sex with these, the girl teachers having sex with these 15 year old boys. It's like one after another, after another, yeah, I don't know, and these pictures are 35, 40, and they're just having sex with these 15 year olds. I mean, why can't you at least find the 18 year olds.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that three years, yeah, I can't wait, oh well, and I do think it is. I think it's a very common, uh, for boys. I do think it's a very common, like fantasy, and so I can see.
Speaker 1:So we talked about the difference on how it works for boys and girls and how the boys would never get caught if it wasn't A lot of the times that we see it's like the moms find out. Yeah, it's not. I mean I'm generalizing just the past couple of them, because the last one that I was seeing that she wrote basically a diary of everything that they did Idiot. Yeah, what wrote basically a diary of everything that they did idiot. Yeah, what are you doing? That's why criminals are dumb. Yeah, um, now that you shouldn't be hiding that, I'm glad she had it. But uh, it's like the mom found out, right, it's. Or the boys brag and then they, and then that's how I find out where the girls it's different. Like the girls go to the parents, or you know. I mean I'm sure that like people just find out, but I feel like boys, they just like yeah and now a lot of the men would be like, yeah, I'd have fucked my teacher, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like were the girls. I had this high school.
Speaker 1:My math teacher oh I mean, I definitely would have fucked that dude, I was a pretty like, just like I'll have sex with anyone, I would have fucked my teacher. If I, yeah, I mean that's so bad that I but like, if I had found my teacher attracted, attractive, yeah, and he like came on to me, it's not a problem, it's very, I mean I was molested, so I think, so like I would have had sex with him. Yeah, and I don't necessarily I would have been like, yeah, I mean it's not rape for sure. Yeah, I wouldn't have thought I would have. Necessarily I would have been like, yeah, I mean, it's not rape for sure. Yeah, I wouldn't have thought I would have. Probably I would have came on to him like honestly, like I was pretty bold when I was there, I would have literally came on to him yeah, I mean when I was 15 I had a 23 year old boyfriend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that's not rape. I would have done a little like oh, mister, you know like that, some tutoring, yes, but I understand why it's not okay, it's grooming and like, yeah, but I've just been seeing that in the news lately, those women are just having sex with those 15 year old. I go, what the fuck? That's crazy so gross?
Speaker 2:yes, okay, so you have your, your neighbor friend your imaginary neighbor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, okay, so say we're 25. Why can't you just be how old you are now? Because it's a different scenario, like for this long-term relationship.
Speaker 2:It's in the beginning, right, Say we're like 25.
Speaker 1:Drew and I just like met or whatever and we're like maybe we're just like, maybe we've been dating six months or eight months or whatever right. And so I like have this friend and they don't they're not really friends, like you know like drew's, like I don't really like john like, or he's not even like he's like john's, like whatever right. And but john and I we go to concerts all the time and then we just have this fun time at this concert and I'm like I don't really want her to come to the concert.
Speaker 2:It might spoil the fun a little bit you know, he's not like maybe drew's not a concert guy, which he he isn't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but Right, still, I don't really want to invite him either. Right, right, right, yeah. So then what? I think you have to change your whole life, even though you've grown Say you guys have grown up. Since you were five years old, your moms are best friends. Like I do believe that. Like opposite sex should not be friends in marriages. Like I, like opposite sex should not be friends in marriages. Like I do believe that. But I can't say that there aren't situations where it would be like tough to like look at it and be like why can't she be friends with john?
Speaker 2:I think it's a sticky situation. I think, in a scenario like that, where you're saying like maybe you've been friends with this guy for years but you just have a kind of a newer relationship, even if it's six months, you know, and that's when it gets really, that's the gray area where you go how do I say that I picked this like new boyfriend over this friend that I've had for years and years and years, or vice versa? And tell my boyfriend like get over it. I just, oh, my God.
Speaker 1:I know I pick like the worst scenario because I think of it in a girl situation. You're just going, Drew, Michael, you're just going with this girl that you've known for your whole life to this concert. Absolutely not, I don't like it.
Speaker 2:Why can't I come Right? I guess that's the thing Number, not number one. But one thing is like yeah, how would you guys put yourself in their shoes and go like how would I feel if he had a friend who was a girl that maybe he's known since high school and they really like to go hiking together and they're just hiking buddies and you're like I'm not fucking hiking and so then he just wants to go on all these stupid ass hikes with this bitch. How are you gonna?
Speaker 1:feel, and if you're like I don't like that, and then she's like true, she's a silly, yeah, uh-uh bitch.
Speaker 2:No if you're out there hiking and you get bitten by a snake. He's not sucking the venom out of you, not the venom, yeah. So how do you like it? It's like if you were like that's what I'm saying if you were like no, I don't like that. Then you know what the answer is. But then you also feel like I mean, and I think you have a conversation with your friend- because, I think it is appropriate or not it's not the word I was looking for, but I think it is them.
Speaker 1:Being a good friend is saying hey, I understand the situation, I will step back while you figure this out and like we can kind of go from there, and I think that that's what a good friend would do and if that friend isn't willing to do that and they're going no, like you should pick me over then I go.
Speaker 2:What kind of friend is this? Or do they like? Do they have your best interests at heart? Yeah, or do they actually have feelings for you that have not been discussed right? So that's a tricky one. That's a tricky one, but in general, marriage specifically and long-term relationships specifically, I think that those trump friendships. Yeah, for sure, because I never stood at the altar with this fool and said I commit to going to concerts with you for the rest of my life. You know, I never did that like, I never sat there and took a vow to be whatever. Yeah, I did that with this man who's my husband and it's not appropriate.
Speaker 1:Yeah I think, yeah, I always think it's weird when people like just you just have another boyfriend.
Speaker 2:I don't like that I don't want any of my boyfriend husbands boyfriend husbands to be having girlfriends. Yeah, not like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm, unless they're ugly I know, I was thinking that too, but then I was like well, I thought about that.
Speaker 2:But then you know, my ex-husband, uh, slept with a. Yeah, not like that. Yeah, I mean, unless they're ugly. I know I was thinking that too, but then I was like, well, I thought about that, but then you know, my ex-husband slept with a lot of ugly girls, so that really doesn't matter. Yeah, so, yeah, so, I don't like that at all. So, okay, some places that you can make friends. We talked bumble, bff. Yeah, we made a lot of friends on book club. Book club we've talked about this, not on book club. In book club, yes, if you either start a club or you join a club or some like community thing. I also have talked about the app called meetup. Yeah, which, depending on your area, it may or may not. I feel like it's super active in more the bay area yeah out our way.
Speaker 2:It's not super. There's not a lot of groups like a a lot of people, except for the fucking hiking groups which I don't want to be a part of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or I see people like in San Francisco, they do their walking group.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can do that Also. You know I did this thing. I don't know if I talked about it on the podcast before the stranger dinners.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you did. I talked about it in the beginning. You should tell again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, it's not necessarily. It's not a dating app, it's not a friend app Specifically, it's just for meeting people in general. And yeah, you just sign up on this app, do a little questionnaire and then they match you up with people in your area. You go to dinner with all these, like with five people, so it's a group of six of you, and they do it every wednesday at 7 pm. Like worldwide they have this. It's always 7 pm, wednesday, in whatever city. You sign up for um and then they just tell you like what restaurant to meet at, and so six strangers will just meet and yeah, it's like a blind date yeah, what's their slow slogan?
Speaker 2:urban loneliness fighting urban loneliness and so it is only in like big cities.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sack, though they had one in second in san francisco yeah, I mean, sacramento is the capital fucking state.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's like the stepchild of fucking california yeah, but it's, it's, uh yeah, just for like cities and stuff. So it's not going to be in any like little areas to me.
Speaker 1:I went to one I mean, she's in new york, but she went to one which I think people should do more like this. These, whereas eight dollars, and they host them because she's an art history major. They host them at galleries, that's so cool.
Speaker 1:So then you walk around the gallery and you meet all these people and there's like little appetizers and stuff and it's just like a meetup. I mean, she did say everyone was a lot older than her, everyone's in their 30s and 40s, mostly, uh, or 30s, like you know, late 20s, 30s, and she was like, but she said she had so much fun, like, and it's like, uh, it's not just like you're going to dinner, you find, you know, it's like, oh, you're into art, you do, they do it at an art gallery right you know.
Speaker 1:So I think that even brings in a little like personalization for each kind of person, if that's what you're into. So those kind of meetups are fun, I think. You know, just starting your own meetup would be kind of cool wait did you talk did you talk about your photography meetup on this one already the singles one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I didn't. Okay, I mean, this wasn't for making friends, but you, but you could, you could, that's sure I feel like it seemed like it was like you could make friends yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's's like I'm on Facebook, I'm in this group for singles and it's specifically for events. It's called like Bay Area Singles Events or something like that, and so, yeah, like you can meet people inside the Facebook group or whatever. But it's mainly about like they ask everyone to like host events and do all kinds of different events all the time, so there's shit going on like literally every day of the week. And then it's mainly like, yeah, you could meet people that you would maybe date or whatever. But it's also about like just meeting other people who are also single, so maybe you can become friends with them, right. And so I had one night been swiping on my Bumble and swiping left a lot, and particularly I am swiping left because a lot of these guys, it's like I can't even tell what they look like because their photos are so fucking bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, why do they take it under their?
Speaker 2:chin. Under the chin it's blurry, it's dark. They're wearing a hat and sunglasses, this and that, or they take it so close to their face I'm like can you zoom out a little?
Speaker 1:It's like their passport photo.
Speaker 2:It's never good. Like so bad the photos are so bad. And so I had made a post in this Facebook group Like guys, why are your freaking photos so hideous on your dating apps? Like they're so awful. And so I knew it was kind of a joke post, you know. And then I was like here's some tips from not only like a woman who is swiping on your profile, but also a professional photographer. I'm just going to give you a couple quick tips and I put like five different things and they were super simple things about like lighting and angles and shit. That post got so many comments and it was just blowing up and people were like you know, women were posting and they're like oh my God, I know it's like like, why are the photos so bad?
Speaker 2:but then there's also guys who were like yeah, but you know, sometimes girls are like that too, like all their photos are super over filtered, yeah, all the stuff. So I was like jokingly made a comment about like take. Because someone said something about like well, can you take, like why don't you take my photos? Like this guy was like well, can you take better photos for me? And I was like yeah, maybe I should host an event, like maybe we should have an event where we all just take photos of each other so everyone can have better photos. And he's like perfect, host it. And then everyone's like I'll come, I'll come. Like everyone's like yeah, let me know when it is. And they're tagging me and I'm like, well, fuck, I just signed myself up to host an event, apparently.
Speaker 2:So I hosted an event it was at another photographer's studio only because I wanted to do it in benicia. Um more, most of the people in that group are a little bit more in like the south bay and stuff. So I tried to go a little down, but not far enough that I had to drive for an hour, and so we just met up there and I told everyone like bring a couple different outfit changes, which they did, which I thought people weren't going to do that and they like they brought all these different outfits and stuff, and then there was different areas in the studio. We could take photos and I just took them on their phone, their own phone, so like it wasn't like the professional photo, but you had at least a professional like posing you and interacting with you and stuff. And so I just said, bring your phone fully charged and I'll take the photos on your own phone and then you could go through them later and upload them to your app, whatever. It was really fun. And there was another photographer, a guy who he like co-hosted it with me, and so him and I were both like taking photos of everybody and I think there was like like six, 15, 16 people came um and actually a fun thing that happened.
Speaker 2:So the building that the studio is in it's like a big building that hosts like a bunch of creatives. There's always like a little studio, so there's like painters, sculptors, photographers they all rent out spaces in this, whatever. So we had the doors open and we have like music playing, whatever. And this lady who's a photographer her studio is down the hall. She was leaving as she's walking by. She like hears all this music. And she knows the photographer, um, whose studio we were at. So she walked like, popped in and was like it sounds like there's something fun going on in here, like what's happening. And we're like, hi, so we're telling her. So the guy was like, oh yeah, we're having a singles event, la la. She's like this sounds so fun. And she's like, well, I am single, can I stay? And we're like, yeah, you should stay. So she stayed and like we took photos for her. She had so much fun and she like made like you, it's like she made immediate friends with two of the girls that were there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they were hanging out, I love that we went to dinner after.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was so fucking fun and at the dinner, like we're just talking with everyone, where people are swapping like travel stories, and it was just again it kind of like book club where you go into it and I go. These are not people I hand selected to be friends with right, but like it's cool to meet these people and it's people like I would never have run into otherwise, you know, and so it was just stuff like that. It's like you can make friends doing literally anything.
Speaker 1:It's really really hard to make friends you just have to put yourself out there. So much so much.
Speaker 2:I think the common thread of all these things are you have to be able to put yourself out there and you have to be brave you really do.
Speaker 1:So I think one of my new friends is Kristen At the studio.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's going to love this. She fucking loves when we talk about her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when we talk about her, she does have a little feature. Wait, you know what? I think I already told you this before.
Speaker 2:She said every time we put out a new episode, she pulls up the transcript and searches her name.
Speaker 1:I can't with don't put it in there. She is so stupid. Yeah, we love you christian. Yeah, so I think she's someone that's becoming my friend, um, and so, but not quite like where we text each other. We it's like more we talk about it during the week or whatever, and I mean I'm not working with her anymore, basically I won't, you know, because I don't work mondays and she was my monday makeup artist. So now, yeah, she's my mr monday, she's my mrs monday, yeah, um, and so now I have to either be her friend or not be her friend at this point. But I had invited her on a trip that I was going to take, you know, uh, to paso which I'm fucking mad that you didn't invite me.
Speaker 2:You don't drink wine, so I I drink moscato. Does that count?
Speaker 1:I would say, wine drinkers would say that doesn't count.
Speaker 2:Well, okay.
Speaker 1:The whole thing is a wine trip. What is it Tell us about this trip? It's called Wine Fest.
Speaker 2:That sounds fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you go there and it's like a day, it's like a music festival, but for wine. Oh, okay, that's cool, and it's one day. And so my brother-in-law and sister-in-law they have a lot of friends that live in paso, are really just two, and so so many, yeah, so many, yes, all right there. And so we're friends with their friends too. And even when drew and I went to paso, um, we like hung out with their friends without, yeah, um, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law. But they're like, hey, you guys want to go to wine fest. And we're like, yeah, because they've been asking us for some years. And we're like, yeah, okay, drew's like okay, that's what we're doing for your birthday, even though it's the weekend after. And I'm like he's such a brat, I've been such a brat to sherry about it but, um, so we rented airbnb and, yeah, it's just one day. I, I mean, we go out there Friday and come home on Sunday, but the thing is on Saturday, and so we'll do dinners and stuff.
Speaker 2:I know, chris didn't even really drink wine.
Speaker 1:She likes wine, she likes stuff like that. And so I was like hey, do you want to? Go and she was like I have a wedding that weekend, but so I had to be brave and be like and it's awkward, little short term and they wouldn't be like we already got an airbnb.
Speaker 2:so I was like you're gonna have to get a hotel. Oh yeah, yeah, so like we wouldn't be sleeping in the same room, um, but we have gone on trips with her as a team and she's fine, yeah, but this would also be this would also be her bringing fernando with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love fernando, yeah, and I, because I like him, I think drew, I kind I kind of know, like you know, they would for sure be friends. Yeah, I think they would be friends. So I'm kind of like trying to see if, like her and I should be friends, I think so.
Speaker 2:She's a lot of fun to hang out with like outside of work, and I mean I haven't hung out with her few things, mainly are pickleballed days you know, but yeah, like she is really fun and Fernando is fun, and so that is one of those ones where it's like it's a couple, where they're both fun, they're both like easy to get along with, and so those are the ones you gotta look for and her and I have a lot of things in common.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like she's Filipino, I'm Filipino, so like culturally, and like when I just went to San Pancho or whatever, like she was right there in that area too when she went. So it's like we all like we know the kind of same area and stuff like that. We're both like foodies and stuff like that. So I feel like you know, I could hang out her, even though she's quite a bit younger than me. She's like eight years at least okay, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah so, but she's pretty mature.
Speaker 1:I would say like you know and so. But I think about like. I think I'm gonna start hanging out with her or I'll have to like like we text now, but it's usually like about our books like, not really like. Hey, I'm doing this or that, or sometimes we text each other like things that we want to buy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's a big like buyer, like me too I almost feel like that way about angela, like I feel like I might start being friends with angela yeah, I was thinking about inviting angela to some of my parties at my house because I really like her.
Speaker 1:I I think that she is really good at conversations and while she likes small talk no offense to angela that she likes small talk, I don't really like small talk, but she's able to fill a conversation, which I appreciate. Yeah, um and so, and she's not like too much, no, and she's not like too little and so and she's like around our age yeah, me and her are the same age yeah, she's turning 38 this year she's trying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I guess we're one year apart, because I just turned 37, she's turning 38 okay yeah, I invited her to the the singles event yeah, you said she went to dinner. She went to dinner with us and that was really fun and I feel like we started talking about a lot of like we were talking about investing the whole time.
Speaker 1:We had this whole that's how you can have a little bit more of an adult conversation with Angela, I think, because she is our age and I I really like her as one. As I was spending time with her training her, uh, I was thinking I probably could be friends with Angela too. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I know, and so you, just like I, like I said, I think the the common thread of like all these different ways is that you've got to be brave, you've got to be brave and just like, put yourself out there.
Speaker 1:Which I don't want to be, because I know you don't.
Speaker 2:I know I was kind of nervous when I like hosted that event because I'm like I don't even know where the studio is. I don't know, like I don't know the studio. Well, drew asked me like why is Brianna doing this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because it's not that it's out of character for you, but it's like a thing to do, like you know you have to like make this decision, to do this. And you know he was like you know, I don't know, sometimes my husband surprises me. He was like so was it a good turnout for her? You know, was it like what he asked me like, what was it like to boys, to girls? He asked me the ratio and I so I pulled up the photo and I like he was like oh, yeah, it's a good, mostly guys. He was like it was six to five in your photo, was it? Yeah, so he was like oh, that's pretty good, because he counted it.
Speaker 2:I guess because I wasn't counting myself and at first I didn't count the girl who had came in after, but yeah, so he was like six to five.
Speaker 1:He was like that's pretty good turnout for her, like oh, that's good that she did it, or whatever. And that makes me think like yeah, I mean you kind of put yourself out there to kind of do this well, and they had mentioned when we were there, because everyone, you know, everyone was like so fucking nice and they were like that's what I love I didn't, I didn't.
Speaker 2:Or like we went to dinner and then we didn't end up like I just got like a little pretzel thing, like a little pretzel with cheese, that thing I didn't, we didn't get. Like Angela didn't order dinner or whatever, and then but we had ordered beers, I mean half a beer, and I was like a little tipsy well, you don't really drink that much, yeah and so, um, they were so fucking nice, like I didn't even realize the lady had came and brought the check or whatever, and so they had like split up figured out.
Speaker 2:And so later I was like, uh, should we ask for separate checks? And like, oh, we already, we already paid. And I'm like, well, I didn't get my check. And they're like no, we just paid for yours. Like thanks for hosting, like they were so nice and I but that's what happens when you're actually out with adults.
Speaker 1:Well, yes, I think this is. This is the thing, too about friendships is like when you find that common thing where it's like, okay, we're all going out, like here's the thing. I'm not splitting the check in this, like weird way like we don't need to itemize the receipt.
Speaker 2:However many people are at the table, split it in seven all right, sorry that you didn't drink sorry you didn't drink and I got two wines. Like get over it. I mean whatever, because I would do the same thing. I would pay for extra, just like. Let's just make it easy. I'm not, we're not. This is so stupid. Also I usually am just like can I just put on my credit card and then you guys can just Venmo me? Yeah, whatever, I need the points.
Speaker 1:So I think that, yeah, we're just going to pay for her, whatever, or it's like it just makes it easy for you, like that's why I need a friend. That just makes my life a little bit easier. Yeah, I don't want these friends that are so needy and so, like I have to do all these things and give me anxiety and I have. I need friends to be there for me because I need to, like, calm down and enjoy myself right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I, text you a lot.
Speaker 2:Where I'm, I literally just vent text you all the time me too, me too, and I'm just like can't even fucking believe this is happening. And you were on your trip, like you were in mexico, and I realized I was like sending a whole bunch of vent texts and I was like I sent another one. I'm like so sorry. I'm just kind of like complaining about everything. You're trying to have this like nice relaxing vacation. You're like, yeah, but that's what I'm here for. Like we just complain to each other and then we don't have to worry about you know, telling anyone else or whatever.
Speaker 1:You just need to say it out loud to someone, yeah, so the person can tell you it's okay that you feel that way. Yeah, like you have to be I mean here's the thing that maybe we didn't talk about is like you have to be a good friend. You have to be a good friend to have good friends. Yeah, you can't just be like take, take, take, take, take, and then you're just like when you need, you know, you never show up for anyone. It's like you gotta show up for people and I get it.
Speaker 2:It's just like a relationship where it's not always going to be this 50 50 like sometimes people are going to need you more than whatever, uh, and it might be vice versa other times where you kind of lean on them more and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:But there's gonna be seasons, yeah, over the course of your friendship.
Speaker 2:It shouldn't feel like this tit for tat thing no, oh god, I hate tit for tat and yeah, just having these like toxic friends who are take, take, take, like.
Speaker 2:I definitely think that when you have friendships, you need to almost take like a friendship inventory. At times where you go, is this person really adding to my life, elevating my life, helping me in any way? Do I, am I happy being their friend, or does it just stress me out, um, and just have to be able to set those healthy boundaries just like you would in a relationship and recognizing that you need to do that for them too.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, both ways Right. Or like really showing up for your friends, I think is a huge thing and people realize that I mean, yeah, there's going to be toxic people, but really showing up and people like being like damn, she was there for me when I really needed her, you know. Or you know, tony said to me when we first started doing this podcast. He was like let people help you. If you like we're all offering to help you, like why aren't you just like taking all of our fucking help? But I'm like I don't know, I'm used to like just doing things and like you know, and he's like just take it. Yeah, we're offering.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do it, you know yeah, it's tough, I think so. I mean, it's like not only is it hard to find, uh, friendships as an adult, but it's hard to. It takes work to like nurture those friendships and to get to a point where you feel very close to that person. You have to go through a lot of stuff. You have to like go through all these scenarios like we're traveling together, you're going out differently, you're in these different scenarios and you're helping each other out with things and stuff like that, until you get to this point where you're in this really comfortable relationship, like you're not going to just meet someone on bumble, bff or on meetup or whatever it's like you guys are best friends and you're just like oh, you're gonna come over in this.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, maybe sometimes people do like yeah come quick, quick and fast. I'm not that type of i't. I can't get comfortable like that with people that quickly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, same.
Speaker 2:So it's just different, I think, for everybody.
Speaker 1:But yeah, give us some pointers about being good friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or finding friends.
Speaker 1:Oh, I always want new friends.
Speaker 2:Wait, one more thing I was going to mention. You know how it's really hard to like. We're talking about maintaining friendships.
Speaker 1:And I have found for some of my friends it's like it's hard for us to keep in touch and all oh, yeah, you're. Yeah, we started this, yeah, because I feel like it's a good one. It's kind of fun.
Speaker 2:I like it uh, we call it waffle wednesday.
Speaker 2:We did not come up with this. I saw it on tiktok and it was a guy who does this with his friends every wednesday in their group text each guy in the group. They literally just send like a quick little video like here's kind of my life update for the week and then they're all updated. That way they don't have time to actually like call or hang out or whatever. They all just kind of get these like weekly updates and I was like that is so cute and so for some of my friends that we've kind of had similar struggles with like being able to hang out and stuff just because of schedules in life or whatever. Um, we started doing this waffle wednesday thing and then one of my friends she was like what if we do it on marco polo, that on the marco polo app, so same thing, you do videos, whatever, but then all the videos are just in that one spot and you can watch everyone's videos and they don't get lost in your text thread, and so that was really cool.
Speaker 2:And the marco polo app is free yeah, to use and you only have to pay if you want to upgrade to, like, listen to it two times the speed, or you know shit like that.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I think that's really good, because what happens is like, for example, joelle and I are so busy. Sometimes I'll text her and go, hey, I'm a really bad friend right now, how's this? Or like, just like whatever. And then she'll message me and just be like, okay, and how. I remember this happening one time specifically. And then she messaged me like, well, how is this going for you? I just never messaged her back and I later on I go Joelle, I couldn't tell you about my life because it's so crazy. At that point, like I didn't even have time to text you. I just needed you to know that I was thinking about you. And then I I read and I cared about the thing that you said, but but I just I didn't even have the energy to like tell you anything that you just asked me. So go, fuck yourself until I see you in person.
Speaker 1:When I talk to you then, because I can't do this, you know, and the same thing with Tamiya and me, like with her being in New York and the time difference, the three-hour time difference, the little killer. That's why we did the hey Tams. So that that's why we did the hey tams, so that we can make a video when it's convenient for us post on tiktok. She could see it, I could see it.
Speaker 1:And it's funny that, like drew's friend eric, he lives in new mexico and he goes I feel like I'm like in your lives a little bit, like I get to see, like what you guys are both doing, and all we said was like this you know, all the rules were like show your outfit, tell a little bit about your day or whatever, and it's like that was it. That's so cute. So yeah, I mean, try little things, like I think that's so good. The video thing the waffle wednesday is, I think, so good because you can make it whenever you want and then just post it on the wednesday and, I'll be honest, the last couple weeks I have not been making my own waffles.
Speaker 2:But that's okay because I've been so fucking. Oh, I was sick and then I'm tired of your sickness I was sick and then I was traveling and then when we got a fucking cold sore and I was like I'm not taking a video, with you, you're such a brat.
Speaker 2:I was like I can't, I can't do this. So I don't know. Man, it was just, it's tough, it's tough to find friends, it's hard to be a good friend, but it's just if it is important to you, which it should be important to those connections in your life make you a little more healthier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's super.
Speaker 2:It's really important to have friends in your life, and you don't need to have a lot one or two good friends is all you need.
Speaker 1:I don't have a lot, drew has a lot, I don't have a lot, and then I get lumped in with the wives and luckily, I really, really like them, yeah, and I really enjoy them. But uh, I don't know how boys do it, especially drew. He's been friends with his friends since they were like four he like literally carried tony around like a baby.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. And you know, him and eric have been friends since they were three and I just don't know how they don't get mad at each other enough, because sometimes they do things that I go I fucking hate your friend, yeah. And then the boys I think that's what it is. They don't give a shit yeah, they'll get over it so fast. They don't give a shit yeah, they'll get over it so fast. They don't give a shit really about if they're showing up for each other or whatever it's like when they see each other. It's just like whatever, that's a friend. Yeah, all right. Okay, where the girls are like, she didn't come to my thing. I'm mad she's copying this off me.
Speaker 2:I'm so mad, so annoying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're so petty sometimes, especially when we're younger, I think when we're older it rolls off our shoulders a little bit more, and you have more empathy, because you also are so busy and shit like yeah, but when you're younger, you're 20s, like I always think I see these like girl groups and they're like best friends. It looks like there's like five girls have been friends since high school and I'm like how the fuck do they maintain? Or are they all just secretly talking shit and hating each other? You know like what's going on here. Like I get I'm jealous of these girls that have like five or six in these group chats, are always talking and they're all. They're just best friends. Like I want that. Well, let's go. I just, I just text all my friends individually. Yeah, me too, yeah.
Speaker 2:Also, group chats are kind of annoying, so it depends. Oh, I know are kind of annoying. So it depends. Oh, I know, and you have to like, yeah, let us know. Let us know if you guys have any tips on like how to find friends, or in what ways do you maintain and nurture your friendships? Um any fun friendship stories we'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1:I want to be friends with your friends you and your friends.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, just let us know if you want to be friends with us yeah, we'll be your friends.
Speaker 1:We'll be your friend if you're not, if you don't have any friends, we'll be your friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, for sure we'll invite you, just send us a dm and be like can I be your friend? And we'll be like yeah, of course, of course, yeah. So send us a dm at maximalist live podcast and we will see you guys next time, hope you're having fun with your friends or with your friends, friends, friends, friends. We will see you guys next time, hope you're having fun with your friends or with your friends, friends, friends, friends. Tell all your friends Dicks up, dicks out.