.png)
Maximalist Life
This is Maximalist Life, with Brianna Gamble and Tamika Stringfellow. This unfiltered podcast is your permission slip to chase after everything you damn well desire.
Join us as we dish out no-holds-barred conversations and invite you to step into a life filled with limitless possibilities. Forget fear and embrace the maximalist mentality with us every week.
Get ready to experience piss your pants laughter, cringe-worthy truths, and be inspired to break free from living a mediocre life.
Maximalist Life
Ep 26 - Things My Mom Never Told Me
Episode Summary:
We’re diving into all the life skills that a lot of our moms never had the chance to teach us (or maybe just didn’t know to!). From financial literacy to navigating relationships and managing our homes, these gaps weren’t out of malice—just a result of survival mode.
📚 The power of learning and growing every single day—maximize your life, honey!
🔄 Breaking generational cycles and filling in the knowledge gaps for the next generation
💖 Dating and relationships, but without the savior complex—how to show up for yourself first
💸 Financial literacy that goes beyond just budgeting—let’s talk investing, retirement planning, and managing credit
💅 The importance of looking put-together, because presentation really does matter
🤔 How not teaching practical skills leads to adults who aren’t ready for life’s challenges
💃 Breaking down gender expectations that leave everyone a little clueless when it comes to certain adult responsibilities
Stay Connected:
📲 Follow us on Instagram: @maximalistlifepodcast
🎙️ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify – it helps us so much!
yeah yeah, it's pretty good right good boy gunner welcome to our podcast. This is our guest brad and gamble. Hello, thank you. Thank you for having me. We're in a new podcast called the dominatrix show. That's why I'm dressed like this. I'm so honored.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is our madam, here, our madam. Yeah, here we are. How have you been? Oh, my God, it's been so long. God, not so long, so stupid. Okay, here we go. Here we go, what Welcome to Maximalist Life. I'm your host, brianna, and I'm Tamika. Here we go. What Welcome to Maximalist Life. I'm your host, brianna, and I'm Tamika, and today we're going to talk about things that our moms never told us. Yeah, Not in a bad way, not like our specific moms Just like things that your moms like don't teach you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which I hope I taught my kids this Because I've already done. I mean, I think that that's. What's weird is like we go through all and talking about these topics and stuff and I've already like done all these things with your kids. Yeah, because my kids are adults. Let's not forget. Sometimes I forget. You know, this is just so used to having, you know, a 19 year old and a 23 year old yeah, yeah so also these cronuts from Vacaville eating them.
Speaker 2:The one on Alamo I don't know what that one's called jelly donut no, I don't stop eating them. The one on Alamo I don't know what that one's called Jelly Donut? No, I don't remember.
Speaker 1:So that one has. This place is called Donut Queen.
Speaker 2:No, I have the one that is Donut Queen.
Speaker 1:Donut Queen is by Rock and Jump or whatever it's called.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that's where I got it from, yeah.
Speaker 1:I can tell by the box.
Speaker 2:Yeah, their fucking cr. I don't know if people know in Vacaville about cronuts.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's an old thing.
Speaker 2:Croissant and donut put together. You didn't know they had these here. Huh, I didn't know that. I do have to tell Brianna a lot of life lessons.
Speaker 1:Yeah, super important. I didn't know cronuts existed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, come on. Yeah, things your mom didn't tell you was your cronuts. I had to teach you how to use a computer.
Speaker 1:So we're even Well.
Speaker 2:I mean, all the things you taught me weren't how to use a computer, just you said you use a program. Who knows?
Speaker 1:how to use a tablet. What you have to do First. What you have to do what you have to do.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's talk about your phone skills.
Speaker 1:What phone skills.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly your iPhone skills Non-existent. Why, I don't really know how to use my phone.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about yeah, I only know how to use super basic, like any new, like tricks and things come out for iphones, I don't know yeah I don't understand I mean partly half.
Speaker 2:The only reason why I know some of the stuff I'm really bad. I feel like I'm the typical asian mom that can't use the remote is because my husband worked for verizon for so many years and I still do the whole thing like Drew fix it. I mean, christina and I were at my house trying to airdrop and we're like Tony fix this. We don't know. And he's like did you reset your phone? Did you do all these things? And we're like, when we say it's not working, it means you come physically, take our phones and fix this shit. Because what I'm doing is I don't know. I'm just standing here staring at it. I just keep pressing the button like it's going to work, but you're going to reset it, do all these things, google, da-da-da. And I'm like, yeah, you do it for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't want to see you in trouble shoot with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you guys worked at Verizon for 10 years. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's one of husband to fix my phone. Yeah, you know, I was talking to this guy last night and, uh, we got into a little conversation about gender roles, which you know, we love you and I love talking about gender roles okay, let's hear it. And I, um, actually what? Okay, we did talk about gender roles, but initially what brought it up, okay, was we were just like, oh, how was your day? Blah, blah, what are you doing? And I was reading, and so I was like, yeah, I'm just like I'm home right now, I'm just reading, doing some laundry, whatever.
Speaker 1:So he's like are you reading anything? Good, I'm like, yeah, I'm reading this book called financial feminist, and I told you guys about this I don't know if you were on the team meeting um, when I was saying about this book. This book, financial feminist is really good. It teaches women about how to use their money, how to invest, like teaches you about retirement, all this stuff. Um, and this lady's really hilarious and definitely a feminist and, uh, she's only in her 20s and so, like, the way she writes is really funny and it's like how you could tell it's how she talks, and so it's a really interesting read.
Speaker 2:Like, reading about finance is not going to be exciting but this book is like really funny I was just going to say like so, things like this, where it's like finance or you're teaching I I mean, we've talked about this before. When we talk about like oh, photography podcasts or whatever, and I just find them so boring and I love them and you love them and I'm like, but can we make them a little fun? Why?
Speaker 2:does it have to like okay, so what you do is you just turn your ISO up and then this will make the photo better and then this is going to make it better. I'm like I mean, tell me that you sucked a dick earlier. First, I don't know. Like why does it have to be like? You know, just show me a little something.
Speaker 1:So I think you would like the way she writes, I think you would enjoy this book. Yeah, yeah, okay. So I'm telling him, um, and I said, I said, you know, I'm reading this book because I like to identify as an independent woman who don't need no man. And then in parentheses I said who am I kidding? Of course I do. Who's gonna change my light bulbs? And so he like thought it was really funny. And then it turned in this whole conversation about gender roles and whatever. But I was just like, yeah, I mean, to be honest, I mostly just want a guy to like do so for me. And when I mostly.
Speaker 1:I mean, I didn't say that to him. Yeah, okay, I was like oh, no, no, no, the job position I just need, like a living handyman yeah, I need a guy who's like good with tech stuff but also could build me stuff well, here's.
Speaker 2:Here's the problem too, I think. So my guy is not handy. I think he needs a thing with the things my dad didn't teach me.
Speaker 2:You know his dad is super handy, but I think that's just not how they grew up. You know where it's like. Okay, let me teach you how to do this electrical wiring. So I think that there's things that some husbands got it and some husbands don't Right, and a lot of times when the husband's got it, where they're building stuff or they're in construction or whatever, they're not trying to do that shit.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I've heard like the projects take a little bit longer at home, right, all these things. But man, yeah, I mean having the guys help us with things. I just go. You're, oh, I need like he can hang stuff, he can like do stuff. He's just not like building me, built bookshelves from like scratch. You know like he can fix some stuff. And so when you're like, hey, we need to do these curtains in the studio, I'm like all right, I'll call Drew. Yeah, because I'm not getting up there and doing it.
Speaker 1:I don't want to do that. You had to do these ones. Yeah, I was really mad about it, yeah, and you just used a command hook.
Speaker 2:It's not like you were drilling holes?
Speaker 1:yeah, because I got scared. I don't know if there's wires or something. Yeah, I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 2:I'm just gonna put command hooks and just hang this up with that and pray that it stays up and not fall on us during an episode. That would be kind of funny. Yeah, I would love it. People would be upset, but you know us we love it, we love it.
Speaker 1:People would be upset but yeah, us, we love it, we love it. Yeah, so I don't know, I think, uh, I mean one thing my mom never taught me, or like you just don't learn is like you don't even learn. Like really how to date. Yeah, like, oh, I never thought about that how to date, or like what you really should be looking for.
Speaker 1:And I always say this I think, when you're really young, or if you meet when you're young, um, you're basing things off of feelings yeah, this is how I feel with this person and while that is extremely important and I would say a lot of people would um argue like the most important, I also think it's so important that you pick someone who has similar life goals as you. And you know, there's all these things that man, when they say like, like love can't just sustain, like you can't just only have your love for each other, if nothing else matches. Yeah that's really true. I mean, I believe that that's true.
Speaker 1:So yeah you don't really know like how to date. You don't really know like how to date, you don't really know like how to set boundaries with people, that you're dating, especially that you don't know how especially to do online dating Jesus, and so there's all these things.
Speaker 1:You're just trying to figure it out as you go, and so you kind of do stuff and then you go. I don't know if I should have like handled that situation that way. Um, you don, you don't know like how fast you should be moving in relationships, stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really tried to be really involved in my kids. I don't want to say like in their dating life necessarily, but that they can come to me when there's like okay, so to me I had one horrible boyfriend that not that he was horrible, but like we knew, like there was tons of red flags. But you know, drew's, the way that drew deals with it is, we can't just keep pushing to say like he's not good, he's you know, and saying you say it one time, you gotta let her make her decisions. You can help her, guide her through her, her way through the relationship. But if you keep nagging and pushing, then she's going to just like be with him more right. And so it's funny because so he had like all these red flags, which it wasn't his like. I mean, he was young, he was like 20, so it's like so you're full of red, yeah. And so I saw these red flags and I was just like this isn't normal. These aren't normal things for normal, normal kids. He was.
Speaker 2:He came from a very broken family. His mom was very manipulative, his background just was really really tough, and not that I don't think that people should like, deserve like to be with people that don't come from that, come from that background or whatever. I just was like this is going to be a tough road for you. Yeah, okay, and he's already doing kind of these weird things where I don't know. I don't want you to have a savior complex. I don't think mothers or people tell you like you can't like because a lot of women go through that that you can't save everyone, like you can't change everyone, like they need to want to change or it takes years if they are going to change. So getting in these relationships with men that you're like oh, I can change this, that's not a game you want to play.
Speaker 1:No, not a challenge you want to accept.
Speaker 2:No, you might be down that hole for years and years and years, if they ever change or they might not. And then you wasted your years, yeah. And so I mean I'm glad that with that relationship, tamiya, like he started doing stuff like just outright, so like she knew right away like, okay, this isn't going to work, okay. But you know, the funny thing is she blamed, drew for like like him, them not getting back together when they initially broke up, she was like my dad doesn't like him. So, you guys, she had one hour outburst one time and she kind of just like, well, you guys are the reason why we're not together, because she knew that we didn't like him. And she was like, well, I can't like even bring him around because my parents don't like him. Not that we treated him bad, but we were just like this is just not a good situation that you're in.
Speaker 2:So I think, yeah, our parents don't really help. I mean I or maybe it is that that my parents, my mom, never would help me when Drew and I would fight. My mom, go, you better figure it out with your husband. That's so my mother's personality, you know. But I don't have the type of parent that has helped me navigate, like through really difficult, difficult times.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, my mom was there for me, of course, when I had a baby and she supported me within that and she did help me like raise Tamia, obviously, and Britt, but like those really like deep like relationship things. I never went to her, you know. It wasn't this kind of like open thing that we would just like talk about, like yeah, she'd be like you better figure it out with your husband, like I'm not, I'm not getting in the middle of this, like you know very early on, not now, you know but and I think I realized I mean luckily I kind of realized this early on, I would say in my teen years like my mom is not good at relationships my, so mine either I wouldn't go to her yeah, relationship advice anyway, yeah, yeah, uh.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that wasn't something.
Speaker 2:We're not talking about that, and my mom is not an emotional person like we're not gonna talk about emotions, whatsoever same we're not talking about our feelings, we're not like, that's not yeah, my mom has just like two divorces and like, and then you know, after everything, with my stepdad and like being molested and then like he went to jail for that. Yeah, she never really like was in like a relationship. She never like that was it for her. We she's always just kind of been like by herself. Yeah, and so like, why would I ask?
Speaker 2:her yeah, to be mean, but like you know she or you know some people, though, like what they can't do, so they teach, like that's the thing, yeah, that's the thing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the thing too, but my mom just wouldn't really have like good advice on that kind of stuff, so I think she stayed away from that part, which I think that that's what happened. If you don't know and you don't feel like you can give, you're just kind of like, and the kid, the girl's just kind of like I tried to do with my son too. Like you know, let me know some stuff, yeah. Yeah, and then I'll try to help you, but like, it's okay if you don't tell me too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I just feel like I got into adulthood and that you get into the time when you're living on your own and you're like man no one really set me up for success here, Jesus. You guys were so damn worried about my grades and you're like man no one really set me up for success here, jesus. You guys were so damn worried about my grades and you're worried about all this stupid shit. They weren't even worried about us getting kidnapped either because they just let us go out.
Speaker 2:We were just those kids out there. Oh, just like morning to night. Yeah, come back home when the street lights are on, or don't I? Yeah, or you might not show up, I'm not sure. And then maybe you'll come home at 10 o'clock at night, which I know they were worried about this stuff and it was different times then. But yeah, like, that's the thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we're just on these dating. I'm just like meeting randos off the internet, like it's fine, it's totally fine like scary right?
Speaker 2:no, yeah, like I mean, I was like you need to share your location. Yeah, so I share my location with everybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then in the beginning I was like really freaked out, where I would like do a full background check on guys before I would meet them in person you got a little fbi agent yeah like I want to know if you're a felon, like I want to know if you're a little pedophile. Sex offender registry I hope that.
Speaker 2:I hope that you're not finding any of those guys no not, yet not I have not yet found one, thank god.
Speaker 1:But, um, yeah, I mean you gotta do a little research or like look them up on social media at the least. But a lot of guys aren't on social media nowadays, yeah, which I don't blame them, but yeah, so I feel like you know, like I was talking to that guy about that book I was reading, because I don't really feel like I was so the only thing I was ever really taught, and this wasn't even my mom. So my mom taught me like literally nothing about money. Um, my grandma did the like envelope budgeting system, fucking dave ramsey style yeah, yeah, yeah and what's hilarious side note the author of the financial feminist hates dave ramsey.
Speaker 1:Oh, she's like. He's just like this old white guy who doesn't. He just says some shit and like he's an idiot. So she talks a lot of shit about him in her book, which is really funny hilarious she posts like clips of him on her instagram account. That like tiktokers have like kind of like interviewed him and he sounds like a dick idiot.
Speaker 1:Uh, anyway, so she teaches you, like she's basically teaching you to kind of like unlearn some of the stuff that people are taught about money and the thing is like, as women or I guess when we're girls, like we don't really get taught. It's like you get taught, um, in terms of finances, you're getting taught basic budgeting right. Like you get taught how to manage like the household finances, maybe, but that's it. Like you're not getting taught, like, how to invest. You're no one's teaching you about your retirement accounts, like they're expecting that the boys to do that. Like the guys are the ones really like being told to do this and, if we're being honest, like they're typically in jobs that make more money, you have more money to invest and to do, kind of yeah, I mean honestly for me, like I just like to spend, like I think I mean here I am the epitome of generalizing the gender role.
Speaker 2:True, I mean in the beginning I took care of all the finances and I fucked them all up, yeah. So then things had to like yeah, thanks. And then, because I wasn't taught anything right, and so then, um, when it came to like 401ks and like saving, I was like what's the deal, like what do I have to do? And Drew's like I got you, don't worry about it. Don't worry, I don't put any money into a 401k. He's figured out all of our finances and stuff and he's just like I'll do it, but like if I had it figured out. So my brother is really big into this. If you want to talk to someone, he recommends people's books. He just like, oh my god, yeah, giovanni is huge into it. Like he says friends, get mad cuz like you like to talk about?
Speaker 1:yes, so I started to get. Maybe I need to talk to him, cuz I feel like you would love to talk about it. You should.
Speaker 2:I should just, you could just like text him. Yeah, just text him, talk, let's talk for one case yeah yeah, you should, you should text he fucking loves that shit.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I love it, giovanni, don't talk to me about this, I don't want to fucking hear it, whatever. And I'm the type like, okay, you want me to do it? Here's my phone, put the app on there. You put everything in the finances, you do it. I'm not gonna do it. So if you really want to talk to me about it and you really want me to do it here, yeah, and he did that at one point. He like, okay, I'm gonna put this much money in there and then I'm gonna do all these and I'm going to do all this. And I'm like, all right, fucking do it Whatever, don't talk to me about it, though. So boring.
Speaker 1:And I think it's like. I think it's dependent on things too, Like maybe your life experiences, whatever Like the life experiences that I have had regarding men tell me that I cannot be putting my trust in another person to be controlling my finances Right. So I would never. I would never, Even if I come into some type of partnership in the future and whatever, and I decide to get married again or whatever, like I still want to be 100% in control of my financial future, yeah, and I think it's super important for everyone to do that and to at least just know what's going on Like I'm not saying you have to, like, keep your money separate.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying like to know what's going on, like if someone's investing your money for you yeah.
Speaker 1:Like to kind of know what's happening. Like, even if I go to a financial advisor, I'm like I don't want to go in and talk to someone, and then they're just kind of telling me like all right, this is what you need to do. Like I'm just gonna like do this with your money. Like I want to go in with some prior knowledge to know what we're talking about so I can make some decisions as well. Right, so that's kind of the thing. I think, god. I think money is such a huge thing that parents don't really teach that much about other than like basic budgeting stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're like okay, you have an allowance and like, oh sorry, you can't buy what you want because you spent all your allowance on candy and so now you want this Pokemon card. Yeah, now you're screwed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or like in your high school, you get your first job and like, okay, now you can pay your own phone bill or your car insurance or whatever. So you kind of start learning responsibility. But they're not like, okay, you need to be. Like, don't just save money, you need to put it in a, like high yield savings account so you're accruing more interest. Like they're not teaching you that.
Speaker 2:Giovanni set that up for both my kids already. Yeah, it's really smart, uh-huh. And so to me it like has all this stuff. But me, I'm like, yeah, you get a job in high school, you spend it how. I spent all that money, that's how I do. Even now, my son's 19 and he gets a job. I pay for his gas, his insurance, his car payment, I pay for his fucking haircuts, everything. I'm like, nope, I'll pay for everything. You fucking blow all that money. Oh my, not really, because giovanni set up this thing. So they do like their savings thing. Um, but I'm just like, yeah, have fun right now. That's because let me tell you something once you move out, I'm not paying anything. Yeah, so then you gotta figure it out.
Speaker 1:So, just like, reap the benefits right now until yeah, you gotta go yeah, that's like yeah, because when you go I'm not helping you tough yeah yeah, I like you know, my mom too, like this is so random, but like whenever I did move out and like when I was a little bit older, it was like she wasn't gonna pay for my stuff. But what she would do is like, at christmas she would like, like our stocking would be like she'd go to costco and just here's like a year's worth of toothbrushes. And like here's some gas cards and like it was like for Christmas and like we got shit like that which does help you throughout the year?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it really does, but you wouldn't like directly, like pay for stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, you know now. So even now I am. Last night, bentley and I had a conversation about our food budget, and so it's crazy, man, groceries are so expensive right now. Yeah, I just cannot believe it. And here's the thing one way or the other, all the people that said that Trump was going to bring the groceries down where is it? Come on, show me, come on, because I still have to shop at Walmart instead of Rayleigh's right now. It's too expensive. So where is it, please? Yeah?
Speaker 1:Show me. I mean, yeah, I'm just like it's out of control. And also I will say this so the reason we were having a conversation too is because we door-dash too much. We door-dash too much because, you know, I fucking hate.
Speaker 1:So I do my hello fresh, yeah, but I only order like three to four meals a week. So we cook our hello fresh three or four, and then I leave us a few days to like have some fun meals. You gotta just do one fun meal, okay, well, I don't want to. So I want to do three, but I can't. You know, I can't really afford that and it's not healthy for us. But like, so we're talking about the budget and so I'm trying to like take these opportunities to get to go.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, like I was already going through a budget and I'm going line by line on my banking statements, like adding up, like oh my gosh, which I use rocket money which, by the way, rocket money is pretty sick for tracking your transactions and your budget. Okay, um, so I'm like sit him down and I'm like, okay, I know, you don't really know the cost of food. You know, because he's 12, he doesn't really know shit. But I'm just like like what do you think? What do you think is a fair budget or what should like a household of two people only be spending per month on food?
Speaker 2:because on average, your door dash order is how much? 40, 50 bucks yeah, every time, every fucking time so you're now spending on top of your hello fresh 150 just on door dash food minimum. It's wild. We never, ever, ever door dash anything.
Speaker 1:Well, here's my thing I don't want a grocery shop, I don't want to drive anywhere. I don't want to drive anywhere, I don't want to cook anything and I don't want to do dishes. So I'm like door dash, fuck, yeah, yeah, but hey, that's where we're at right now.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm just living this single mom life and sometimes I have to do things to make my life easier in my house where I'm like, hey, I want in and out, you go stand, you go sit in the in and out line for an hour, yeah, while I'm just here with my husband drinking my wine, and you just bring it in.
Speaker 1:Nicely, thank you yeah, I don't have anyone in my household that drives other than me. So what did you? What was the?
Speaker 2:so he gets.
Speaker 1:I was actually surprised he goes okay, for all of our food, blah blah. I mean he said eight hundred dollars, which I was like I mean that's kind of a lot for two people, but also we're spending a lot more than that. So you know, and I'm telling him, I'm like you know, every time we order DoorDash it's 40 or 50 dollars. And he's like what I'm like yeah, and you are like begging me to get you know DoorDash all the time. And this is like think about, your allowance is 15 bucks a week, takes you three weeks to order DoorDash one time. And so I'm trying to teach him like stuff like this, because I just never learned things like that.
Speaker 1:And I also for sure didn't learn about credit cards. And let me tell you, I was so buried in debt in my 20s oh my God, so beyond buried in debt and I mean I have debt now it's mostly business debt, yeah, but like shit, I didn't understand. I don't. I didn't understand, like interest rates, I didn't. I was just like, oh my god, you just get this money and you just pay it whenever. You just pay it later. Cool, yeah, perfect.
Speaker 2:I think that happens with a lot of people.
Speaker 2:They get into the credit card debt and then they are at the end where they're only paying like 200 the minimum and then they're like paying that, but then it's like, and then it goes over because the interest has brought you over the limit and then you're going to charge for that. Like it's just stuff. I mean, here's the thing I think. Maybe I'm not sure I'm trying to generalize and think like why people do know this. Maybe they come from households that had a little bit more money than we did, and so maybe their parents did teach them these rules and they were just like you know, our parents were just trying to survive, yeah, so like they. Just they can't teach us these things.
Speaker 1:They don't have time.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think it's important then to teach the next generation these kind of things and like, okay, you're like my daughter's 23. At 23, I was probably in like a lot of credit card debt. She doesn't have any credit cards yeah, not one. I mean she has the one that we have that like we put her name under so she can establish some credit.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But like and my mom didn't do that because my mom probably was in credit a little bit of credit card debt too, oh, my mom for sure, yeah. So it's like that's the type of stuff that you do for your kids, you know, you put them on your credit card, if you know, and then they can establish this credit and like blah blah.
Speaker 1:I specifically remember as a kid we would go like school clothes shopping. My mom was like it's fine I'll just put it on my mervin's credit card not the mervin yeah oh my god, I love little mervin's california.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in the mall, in the solano mall I love that little place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, also, you used to be able to put things on layaway.
Speaker 2:Yes, I don't know if that's still a thing but I think you can At some places. At Kmart. We would put stuff on layaway. Yeah, we would put stuff on Red.
Speaker 1:Light Special at Kmart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they had some good shit, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:Those were the times, those were the good old days. Yeah, I did mention this. Remember? I told you my ex-husband his mom didn't teach him how to do fucking laundry because he was using fabric softener.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, there's some shit Like if you do too much stuff for your kids, they're going to go out in the world and not know things.
Speaker 2:We were just talking about this last night, how like it's something ingrained in some of our cultures where we're supposed to take care of the kids, especially the boys. It of the kids, especially the boys. It's like they're like you have to take care of the boys, yeah, like we're really the boys don't do their laundry, you have to bring them their plates. You have to oh yeah, it is ingrained in our fucking bones to take care of these men, and so there's parts of us where we just can't let that go. It's such a weird thing. So there's a struggle between us and our partners with, like the kids need to do their own clothes, yes, and you're like no, those are my babies, how could I let them like, do their own clothes? That's so sad, sad, like my kids, literally to this day, if I draw, I could drop my clothes off to my grandma's every other day if I wanted to, and she would wash all my clothes, fold them and then be like hey, come get your laundry my family would be like go fuck yourself my mom.
Speaker 2:sometimes when I'm like drew's, like you haven't like folded your laundry or whatever, my mom comes over and I go mom, I'm pulling that laundry basket out. I'm like, can you just fold our clothes, what? I'm literally just sitting there, what? And she'll just All right, tulane, all your clothes is done, since your wife didn't want to do it. That's what she'll say, damn. And then I'll just drag them in there and then I'll put them thing. Like filipinos I think latin moms do it too like it's just, we are such like this caretaker that we just feel like we have to take care of our kids, like overwhelmingly taking care of them.
Speaker 2:that's crazy to me my kids will take my their clothes to my grandma's house and they'll just be like grandma, you just wash all my clothes. Oh, hell, no, no, and she loves it, she loves to do it no, belly's been doing his own laundry since he was eight years old.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, our kids do their own laundry too, but you gotta do your own shit.
Speaker 2:Britt's like I'm taking my clothes to grandma's. No, I'm not in the mood. No, I'm like okay, well, do it, that's.
Speaker 1:But we want to take care of them in these, like you know, my thing is, you are taking care of them by teaching them Like. Our job as parents is to Right, we're not raising kids, we're raising adults. Yes, and so that's what I think a lot of parents don't understand. And so when they're like babying, I'm not saying this about you.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I'm just saying Stuff like that, where it's like you're not doing them any favors, no, by treating them that way. So what are they going to do when they go out in the world and they're adults and stuff, and you didn't teach them anything they can't cook.
Speaker 2:I can't believe when people can't cook. We there were at our local Rayleigh's, we would always get sandwiches Rayleigh's has really good sandwiches and there Rayleigh's, we'd always get sandwiches. Rayleigh's has really good sandwiches and there was this new boy and he would make the sandwiches. Hella, backwards, what like, just like I.
Speaker 2:I said hey, can you put uh, so I'm allergic to avocados, right, can you put? I got like a 12 inch for the kids and I and I said, can you just put avocados on half of it? And he goes, okay, sure, so he puts avocados on half of it and then uses the same knife to put it oh my god to spoon on the other side. And I'm like, how does that make any sense, you know? And then, and he, I believe he smeared the avocado across the bottom layer, okay, and it was like, you know, when you make a sandwich, it's like you know, meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato, it would just be like the meat and then the lettuce and then the cheese is on top of that and then maybe the tomatoes on the bottom. And brit, you know, he was young, he was, this was a couple years ago he's like how come you don't know how to make a sandwich, like, first of all, it's not like you're cooking a like this meal you can't even put make a sandwich.
Speaker 1:First of all, it's not like you're cooking this meal. You can't even put together a sandwich. That's what happens when you baby your kids.
Speaker 2:They put the tomatoes on the bottom of the meat.
Speaker 1:I can't tell you how many high schoolers that I had intern at my studio who didn't know how to sweep With a broom. Yeah, they don't know how to sweep. I had to teach them how to use a broom.
Speaker 2:Some people are just lazy and they just like they don't care, so they're just like doing a half-assed job. But some people really don't know how to sweep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, they would like be pushing it. It's not a push broom, but they're using it like a push broom and I'm like what are you doing? You Also, you never saw anyone sweep. What are you doing? So I don't know if they just have cleaners at their house or what, but man yeah, get it together. You know, my mom refused to teach me how to do my makeup or my hair, because she didn't want me to do it. My best friend's mom had to teach me.
Speaker 2:It's crazy to me how adults they'll be like, oh, you do your makeup so well, or whatever. And I'm like, oh, you do your makeup so well, or whatever. And I'm like, you know, my mom didn't teach me how to do my makeup. You need here's the thing you could watch hella tutorials this day and you need to practice every day, even if it looks a little shitty, like that's just what you have to do. But like, girls don't know that and then they just have this shitty makeup, or like whatever, or just like I can't even figure it out. I I'm like there are millions and trillions, bajillions of YouTube videos of TikTok, videos of placement of product. Like, I do think that, like, you could do your makeup Come on.
Speaker 1:Or even just like you don't know how to use a curling iron. I've seen plenty of girls. They clearly don't know how to use a brush. So that's a thing, yes, like you got to get it together, so looking polished, looking ready to go out in the world.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because here's the thing, parents let their kids and here's the thing I understand I have a really high standard in this and people are like we just had this conversation with our friends how I think it's ridiculous that we people go out and their kids look like shit. And here's the thing, especially when the parents look put together and then the kids look like shit. But then they're like oh well, you know the kids don't want to fight about it, all this stuff, but that's where I go. You're teaching your kid how to like work in this world and like live in this world and like live in this world. And there's some statistic I can't remember, but like prettier people get like the job more or whatever.
Speaker 2:And it's not necessarily, yes, pretty people with like symmetrical faces, but it's like when you look more put together, when you're like taking the time and effort into like what you look like and I know that's so superficial to say, but it's just like I can't believe these parents that just let their kids leave the house in middle school. My, I would, I would drop the kids off and their their hair wouldn't be brushed. They're wearing flannel pajamas. They have like the throw blanket from their uh couch and just like wrapped around them and then that's how they're going to school. I hate, I didn't let my kids wear athleisure to all the way until their senior year and it was like, if you're wearing athleisure, it better be like fully put, put together. It better be the lululemon pants with the nice nikes like your hair and you you know you're wearing a hat and stuff, because you can't just go out in the world and look like shit all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just look so sloppy so I I struggle with this with bentley because I I agree with what you're saying, so I agree and I have a hard time. He, so his dad, is an adult who will go out in flannel pajamas okay, flannel pajamas with boat shoes, not what? Oh, it's really bad, it's really embarrassing.
Speaker 2:He doesn't give put your slippers on any shit outfit match or something you don't give any shit okay and you know what, those people have brain power to use it somewhere else, I guess in their outfits maybe um, yeah, so I think that kind of rubs off on bentley and he's just like, well, why do I need it?
Speaker 1:like, and he'll say stuff to me like we'll be running late and I'm trying to hurry up and like curl the front of my hair really fast. I'm like you know, I'm not doing a full job, but I'm like I gotta, I gotta look put together. And he's like you know, everything doesn't need to be perfect all the time. Why do you always have to look perfect when I'm like I don't, but I'm trying to look put together? Yeah, you know, and I just had this conversation with riley.
Speaker 1:Um, we were talking about I can't remember how it started, but anyway talking about just like when you meet people, like you're meeting, just like friends, like it's not even where I'm talking, like meeting people that you're gonna go on a date with, or just when I see someone and they look like they just rolled out of bed or they put zero effort into that. I think to myself like that says to me I don't know how many other facets of your life are that way. How much of your life is that sloppy? I don't want to be a part of that. I don't want it like that to me. I think you have like a. You know how they say like a messy room tells you like a messy mind or something.
Speaker 1:I don't know what the saying is that's me that's what I but I look like this, yeah, but I think like it's kind of like that. It's like you're representing yourself, like when you go out anywhere, and so I see people like this and I just think like you couldn't take 30 seconds to just brush your hair and put on a pair of jeans and so what else? Like I said, in your life, are you so lazy or sloppy about that? Like I don't want to be friends with someone like that.
Speaker 2:I especially think about it. You know when you um like if we were to hire for the studio or something like people being on brand for their brand.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think that that's a huge thing for me. You know I practice what I preach about styling and about like being put together and I have like fed that into like my children. Tamia just sent me there's a new clip of chris jenner going around and kylie jenner is like saying calling her mom, and she just goes. Am I supposed to have my tits out at the golden globes because she wore this like big and to me I just posted yesterday. She's like why is chris jenner and my mom the same? And chris jenner goes yeah, of course you have to wear the best dress, you have to wear this, you have to wear a matching lingerie because if you get in a car accident then you have this sexy matching lingerie when these people are taking stuff off you. Yeah, and so christian had said that, and so you know I mean that's a little excessive, the matching lingerie. But I mean I think our moms always did say don't wear holy panties yeah it's a case, right?
Speaker 2:I always think that, yeah, and so I think you know it's funny that to me. I posted that because that is what I think. When you're going out, you're selling yourself, you're selling your brand as the person you, you want to dress like you're what you want and like you're the go-getter I mean at least for me right well, I think that there's a misconception, because people go like old fashion doesn't matter to me, or or like you know, and I get that Like I don't think you need to be.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying you need to be fashionable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't have to wear this Julia Roberts outfit that I'm wearing right now. No, you know.
Speaker 1:Just try, Put in some effort. It doesn't matter what you're wearing. Yeah, Like in terms of it doesn't need to be this, like it doesn't need to be on like some super high brand, like expensive shit. It can just be whatever, as long as it's like you look, put together. You tried, yeah, you tried, that's all, and it's just like I know that's super judgy, and I hate to generalize like that, but that's how our world is.
Speaker 2:I right, I, I and like that's fucked up, but I just think that like that it is that.
Speaker 1:Right. So it's like it's just a fact, it's not like just our opinion, like that's a fact. Like you said, you're not going to Like if someone comes in and they just look so sloppy You're not getting a job here.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know what? It reminds me of that guy that you dated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know exactly who.
Speaker 2:Tell his little story about what he said to you when you kind of like were like no, it's not going to work out. Wait, the one that you dated. He had a messy house. No, the one guy you had slept with I don't think you went further than that and he was like I just think that you're. He thought you were above, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, he was so nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, I thought you were talking.
Speaker 1:oh my god and he was so nice. Yeah, okay, I thought you're talking about someone. Totally. No, no, no, no, that guy, oh my gosh, okay, I don't know how this relates whatsoever, but or like how what you were pulling from this. But like, yeah, I had like gone on a date with this guy and stuff, and then, I don't know, we talked for like a long time before we ever met up and all this stuff, and then, like I just knew it wasn't gonna work out like it, just there.
Speaker 1:We just have different lives, you know, and he lives like over an hour away or whatever, and so I sent him a text like basically just kind of letting him down, like hey, like I don't think it's gonna work out yeah, I think you're a super nice guy and, like I try not to ghost people, I think it's fucked up yeah and I sent him this whole long thing like Like I super appreciate you like making a long drive out to see him, so he sent you this long message saying yeah, he sent me this long message and he was just saying like I don't remember all the stuff he was saying, but he was just kind of like like I had a really good time with you too, you know, and like kind of similar stuff.
Speaker 1:And he was like you know't want to go out with me anymore, or whatever. He was like I think you're way out of my league and he's like not just like looks wise or whatever, but just like how you present yourself, like how you like live your life, all these things. I just feel like you're really like put together, you have your life together, you're really driven, all these things, and I'm not really there with my life and so I don't. I know that like I don't, kind of like he doesn't want to bring me down yeah without saying that he didn't say that, but it was seriously like that.
Speaker 2:And he but didn't he say something like he?
Speaker 1:was gonna at the end, like he was, like you really inspired me yes, this is what I was going for. Okay, yeah, like you really inspire me to like kind of level up in all like areas of my life and I hope to one day to to like be able to deserve someone like you right, which that's really sad it's like so sad and like touches my heart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but those are the types of people that they don't really know, like they didn't know that, like they weren't living this fulfilled life and that there was more to like being uh, not put together like physically, but like their lives are just a little bit more and put together and they're a little bit more driven.
Speaker 2:Like some parents or you live in these households, not necessarily parents or whatever you take from your childhood doesn't bring you there and so it's. You know it. It's crazy how, like all these like for us, like we grew up like poor, whatever, we're super driven, right, and so whatever household that poor guy lived in, like his parents didn't tell him to dress nicer, his parents didn't, you know? Or like he doesn't need, didn't seem to need to be more ambitious or whatever, and so those are the type of people that, like I think full circle for like this podcast is like those are the type of people like that I want to help and inspire, like let me tell you like your life could be, like way more you don't realize like your life could be so much better yeah, you don't know, you're just kind of living or you're like I don't know, I didn't know, I didn't think about it, I didn't, I just was just like going yeah all we did.
Speaker 1:So our date was like we went to dinner and then like we went to dinner and then we stayed really late, like the restaurant was already closed but like we were out doing like outdoor seating anyway, so we're just like drinking. There was like this outdoor band playing and then we were just like walking around downtown and kind of like. It was like a little magical, like we were like talking and then just kind of like kissing, a little dancing here and there, and we're just talking about all this stuff. And I feel like he was just like asking me so much stuff about my life and it's like he was just like in awe and I was like this is just a regular life, like I'm not anything yeah, sometimes I think you don't have your fucking life together no, like, i'm'm like.
Speaker 1:How do you not know?
Speaker 2:this. There's a lot of times where I go wait. How do you know that this is not how it works? Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:I know I'm like I just live a really regular life, but to him it's like so different, it's like a different world. Yeah, from like he's just living this really mundane kind just was like got a little peek into, like damn, I could be doing all this cool shit too. I could be like having a lot of fun, I could be like spending more time like doing all these things and putting myself together and getting out there, and it's like and I was like, yes, like.
Speaker 2:this is what you need to do. Yeah, why aren't you maximizing your life?
Speaker 1:You're minimizing it. Yeah, I can't be with just this little minimalist. You minimal for me. Yeah, but god, that was like the sweetest text I ever got in my whole life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you might just give him a blowjob just for the text you're welcome yeah, uh-huh, thank you. Now here's a blowjob. I'll give a little suck, no, yeah, just a little sucky.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, he deserved it. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like there's just so many things that you just, you just don't know, until you get out there and you live your life and then you start to realize, all right, I really don't know shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I hate it too when I don't know things, because then you struggle, then you feel stupid. Yeah, you're like God, I'm so fucking dumb. But then sometimes you get so old, you're just like. I saw this TikTok the other day that was like yeah, I'm like 40 now, like you got to figure out what my texts say.
Speaker 1:I'm not changing it. That's how I feel about your texts, yeah you just be saying random shit.
Speaker 2:But also my phone auto-corrects all the time and then I don't. The problem is I just need to reread it before I send it. I don't got time for that, you just send it off.
Speaker 1:I just send it.
Speaker 2:And then you have to decipher. You have to take your decoder out and like decipher.
Speaker 1:Iron fine glass. Yeah, what is this? You have to do your calculator, my calculator, shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what does this three between this mean? Yeah, yeah, fucking, life's hard and it's hard to figure out and navigate through, especially like when you don't have a partner, or like a best friend that's kind of gone through things to like advise you and to help you, like it's like we all need these. Like coaches, yeah, but coaches are expensive. Yeah, and you know, people just are. They wouldn't even think about that. Like, oh, I need a coach, yeah, but we should all just have these life coaches. Yeah, to help us and to make our lives better, for sure, yeah, and people trick people. That's why I don't like life coaches sometimes, yeah, like I just feel like there, it's another one of those things where you don't know what people's intentions are, and so some of them are great and they're going to help you, and then some of them are just spewing bullshit at you and I'm just like this isn't helpful and their life is in shambles and they're telling you how to live your life right.
Speaker 2:It's one of those they like. Don these lessons that you're trying to teach me, but there's a lot of people out there just scamming people.
Speaker 1:I would hate it. I would like to have a life coach. I would like to have a life coach. I just have yet to find one that I feel like 100% aligns with like my values and goals in life and things like that. So if you know any good life coaches, let me know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, here's the thing, now that I'm thinking about this people, I think life coaches for us is different because, like, we're not religious, so people that like some people, people like religion is their life coach right, that they like kind of abide by these rules, and that's why you know, and so I see that maybe you know, religion is good for morals sometimes and then. But for us we need, like, a life coach where we're going to find one and it's all that thing where you just have to like, just like when you find, find like a fitness coach or a nutrition like. You just have to decide like this is the route that I'm going to go, because all those nutrition people and all of those you know fitness people, they have a different teaching right.
Speaker 2:You just have to decide like I'm going to believe this, fuck it, I'm just going in and trust. You know, same with religion.
Speaker 1:You're going like, okay, gonna believe this not this one, and so it's so hard to navigate through all that stuff. How do you find the one? Yeah, so I don't know. I think it's like you know there's only so much you can do as a parent to like teach your kid and get them ready for life, and I think for us, like people our age back in the day, our parents were not that concerned with it.
Speaker 2:Well, they were just trying to busy, they were trying to survive. Yeah, like there was. I truly believe that my mom was trying to just survive. Same yeah, my mom was like yeah, she had three jobs and yeah, she's never home, she's just like hey can you. How could she advise me on anything? She's working two jobs over there and you just like hey, can you? How could she?
Speaker 1:advise me on anything?
Speaker 2:she's working two jobs over there and you know there's three of us like and she has to give some time to the other two. How could she advise me on anything? Yeah?
Speaker 1:it's not gonna happen yeah so I just wanted to make sure you got out alive. That was her goal. Yeah, yeah, keep you alive. Yeah, yeah, I mean there's only so much you can do, like I said, as a parent. And then I think, like from and with what knowledge you came out of childhood with? So, as an adult, it's like you just need to put yourself out. The more experiences that you have, the more people that you meet, the more I mean the more things you realize that you don't know, but you learn more you learn more about yourself.
Speaker 1:You learn more about other people the world and you start to see all these things and it makes you realize, like God, my life could be so much better. And here's all the ways that I can do that. Yeah, so, yeah, so. I encourage everyone to like get out there, live your life to the fullest, meet as many new people as you can, have as many experiences as you can.
Speaker 2:Like I said, if you guys know any good life coaches, send them our way If we need them. Yeah, we do, because you know we're living this maximalist life, but can we maximize it more?
Speaker 1:I'm sure we can. Yeah please, yeah, send them our way. Yeah On Instagram at maximalistlifepodcast, and we'll see you guys next time, hope you're having fun.
Speaker 2:Pips up, pips out.