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Maximalist Life
This is Maximalist Life, with Brianna Gamble and Tamika Stringfellow. This unfiltered podcast is your permission slip to chase after everything you damn well desire.
Join us as we dish out no-holds-barred conversations and invite you to step into a life filled with limitless possibilities. Forget fear and embrace the maximalist mentality with us every week.
Get ready to experience piss your pants laughter, cringe-worthy truths, and be inspired to break free from living a mediocre life.
Maximalist Life
Ep 41 - When You Outgrow the Life You Built
Episode Summary:
We’re getting real about the messy, beautiful, and sometimes painful process of personal growth — and all the versions of ourselves we’ve left behind along the way.
💔 Breaking free from toxic relationships that slowly chip away at who you are.
💃 The truth behind post-divorce “glow-ups” — spoiler: it’s often just escaping emotional burnout.
🙏 Wrestling with religious doubts while still craving the comfort faith can bring.
🛐 Growing up Mormon and navigating a complicated relationship with organized religion.
👩👧 Dating as a single parent (and why long-distance is basically a no-go).
💼 Letting career changes spark a whole new chapter of creativity and purpose.
🔄 Using tiny, intentional changes to create big life momentum.
🌱 Giving yourself permission to reintroduce yourself daily — and let go of the versions that no longer fit.
🚪 Recognizing when the “you” who got you here can’t get you where you want to go next.
If life’s not going the way you want, pick up a book and change one thing. That’s it. One thing at a time. Watch how even the smallest shift can snowball into something life-changing.
Stay Connected:
📲 Follow us on Instagram: @maximalistlifepodcast
🎙️ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify – it helps us so much!
thank god, thank you jesus, thank the lord hallelujah, I don't want to okay you're grateful and you're ungrateful apparently you're not blessed.
Speaker 2:No, no, I hear when people say too blessed to be stressed.
Speaker 1:I want to know how that feels, because I feel like all I do is stress yeah, so like I don't even know what that feels like yes, I'm not blessed you're so calm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just don't give a shit you just, you just give your problems to god. Is that how it works? That's how they do it.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, I wish I had that much faith.
Speaker 2:I mean same I do. There's times where I go god, I wish I could just yeah, I'm too cynical for that, I know I'm too like. What do they let? What do they say let go and let god. That's what they say. Yeah, and I go. Man, I really wish, I really sometimes wish I could just buy into that I love.
Speaker 1:I mean, I love the concept for sure. I love the whole concept of like having this being that's guiding you through life, that you've put like all your faith in, and like I really love it all. But I feel like I just, with all the bad shit, I can't believe that that is like I know, put all my eggs in that basket also I like the idea.
Speaker 2:I I think it's nice when I think it's a nice concept that when people think like it doesn't really matter what I do, like I can't really fuck stuff up, like whatever happens in my life was already planned kind of a thing you just let it go. That's where, yeah and yeah, I am like that's kind of nice yeah, I kind of like that where it. Yeah, I could see how that would almost like reduce your stress where you go well, it's out of my hands.
Speaker 2:Yeah, at this point, like whatever's gonna happen, it was already gonna happen I mean, I do believe that.
Speaker 1:I do believe like I mean we're doing this thing and whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen, like we're gonna. We're gonna try, we're gonna try really hard to like do something well, but whether it like fails or doesn't like is successful when we've already like done something like as hard as we could. Is what it is. Yeah, there's nothing I can as we could. It is what it is. Yeah, there's nothing I can do about it.
Speaker 2:It is what it is, but I feel like I have a hard time believing that like, or think or having the mindset that like, I don't have control over it right, because I also feel like that very much to me, very much aligns with people with victim mindsets, where it's like, well, these things just happen to me, or like, no matter what I do, this is where I'm like no, no, I feel like you have 100 control over your life you don't have control over what happens to you, but you have 100 control over what you do about it yeah so it's.
Speaker 1:I always thought like it was. It's not necessarily like I don't have control. I I think when I was like going to church and all that, it was more of like the book's already written, not like it's being written in time, so like these bad things are happening to you, like it's like it's already written. You like it's like he just knows the future for me. He knows this decision that I'm going to make, that I'm going to work hard here, that this bad thing is going to happen to me. Not necessarily like he's over there, like okay, this horrible thing is going to happen to her.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:You know, I think I bought into that kind of like mentality more. Instead of it being like he's controlling everything, yeah, there's a little dictator up there. What, yeah, are you playing?
Speaker 2:everything. Yeah, there's a little dictator up there. Yeah, what? Yeah, he's playing a little game with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just like fuck off yeah I also don't like to believe that we're in like a simulation.
Speaker 1:I don't like that either it freaks me out, because it's weird that that scares me more than not believing in god, because that must mean that I have. I think that part of that is true and that's why it scares me that like I'm just like this person, but maybe in another world, like I'm a dog Right, or like I would just Drew and I aren't together in the other world, like I would say no, we find each other in every simulation.
Speaker 1:Right and he's like no, there's going to be some where you're a lesbian, every simulation right. And he's like, no, there's gonna be somewhere you're a lesbian. Oh, or there's gonna be somewhere you are with someone else or I'm with someone else. There's gonna be some we never met you know, and I'm like that's so. Don't think about those ones I don't want that one yeah, don't think about any of those ones, so that freaks me out more I think, yeah, yeah, I don't know crazy.
Speaker 2:The whole religion and god thing is so such a tough and layered concept for me.
Speaker 2:I also just because of, like, how I grew up yeah and man, there are times where I because I think a lot of it, I just kind of I don't really think about it, I don't really put a lot of thought into it, um, I just go. You know, it's like I go, I don't, I don't really know, I don't, I can't. I don't ever say like no, there's no god, there's no. I don't necessarily think that, but I go a lot of stuff that people believe in about it I just also don't believe and so I don't put a lot of thought or worry into any of it. Where sometimes I want I go, maybe I should like, maybe I you know what I mean like where I go, I kind of want to think about it more yeah, I think after.
Speaker 1:So for me, like we were like going to church and stuff right before COVID and then like during COVID, uh, the pastor kind of like became divisive, I think, like on Facebook and stuff and and on he would like post these things. So people would like fight in his comments and then he would like have all these discussions, which I understand, like debating or like, and I understand people like like think that's fun too, but the comments and the things that he was saying and like he would say kind of political things and I kind of was just like I mean, I think that should be separated, for me at least, like I don't want you to and maybe that is like the concept, but it's weird because I know you're not supposed to think about it, about it this way. It's like this guy is teaching me through life and I'm like believing in his concepts, but if he's saying this other thing on his Facebook, how could he guide me through life when I don't believe these things that he's saying?
Speaker 1:right it's it like sucks because like that person's a human person, like yeah he can have those beliefs.
Speaker 1:Maybe, like right now he believes that maybe later he's gonna think that that's wrong, which we've seen that happen, like people that have, like they voted for Trump in the beginning and then now this election, they're just like this is crazy. Or people even in this, when this round, they're like this is not what I voted for, right, you know, like just stuff like that. So I get that. But then I was like I just don't really feel that welcome in that church.
Speaker 1:So I think now I'm more like cynical about it, like I'm like, oh god, you know like oh god, you think, you believe in god, you know, I think because there's like a little bit of like that guy put like such a like that pastor put such like a bad taste in my mouth. I'm still at the point where I'm like oh, that is I totally that.
Speaker 2:I totally think that for me too, like I, think being raised Mormon and this super like to me culty-ish religion.
Speaker 1:I mean this is bad to say probably, and I shouldn't generalize this. But yeah, I think Mormon as a religion is probably the closest thing to a cult as you could probably get too. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:And it's very brainwashy yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean especially the ones that are like hardcore yeah, not even. Yeah, I mean especially the ones that are like hardcore yeah, not even like the polygamous ones, just like the ones that are like super hardcore, regular mormon, that are just really into it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. Yeah, I think, like that is part.
Speaker 2:I think that's part of it for me too, where I went so far the other way from that, where I was just like fuck this yeah and then, but also because I think I am just such a logical thinker and I don't typically think with emotion or anything like that, and so to me, a lot of the stuff that's like faith-based or it's very like heart-centered and like you're, like you're thinking of these things with your soul, where I'm like I just want to know the facts yeah, I want facts, I want data, I want numbers, and that's how I think about stuff, and so it is more like a scientific approach and so it's really different. That, and so I think those two things combined are where it gets hard for me and it kind of muddies the waters with yeah, where I'm a little bit of both.
Speaker 1:I do want to be like emotional and like the soul kind of person. So I feel like that's why being like halfway into the church the way I was like we would go to church, but we're not like staying to like build a community with you or kind of different people. You know, it's just like we go to church we hear the lessons. I I actually really liked like that guy. The way he taught was more sciencey, more of facts, more like the way he expressed himself.
Speaker 1:I really liked it, like you know, but he just like just went off in a different direction than I can like follow, and so then I was like, all right, fuck this church, fuck them and fuck this church.
Speaker 1:And you know, coming into churches, especially in vacaville, we're just like we're already like one of the only brown families in there and then the things that you're saying, I was feeling like it was against me, and so I actually this is probably pretty bad drew and pablo and I would like kind of get drunk at night, and then we would like respond to some of his stuff and then we would the pastor's stuff. Yeah, on social media, oh my god tamika, we would like messenger, like hella long paragraphs to each other and I'm just writing whatever Drew and Pablo are saying, right, Like?
Speaker 2:I'm just like you know saying this thing because you know, you know how they are.
Speaker 1:And so, and you know, drew grew up in the church.
Speaker 1:So, like he knows a lot of like the scriptures and stuff like that, and I'm just like I was like all right, well, basically fuck your church and I'm never coming back and as, like brown people, we don't feel welcome there. So and I'm not scared to say it Like this is Valley Church in Vacaville, like that's how I felt and I still feel that and it's just like if you can't feel welcome in a church, so afterwards I kind of had to I that she goes to church a lot. She's like my only like churchy friend.
Speaker 1:She's a little bit older than me, and so I told her all this stuff and she was like yeah, I kind of understand where you're coming from all this stuff. And so she was trying to like get me to like. She was like listen to this church, or listen to this church, you know all this stuff.
Speaker 1:And then I was just like no, I'm over it. I know it's not supposed to be easy. Oh, I mean, I get that, but then I just like you know, I think that was the thing it was that was easy for me to just like come into that church. It felt good right made me feel good. It made me feel like I wanted to be a better person. And then you're just like man.
Speaker 2:This kind of feels like grimy yeah, and I think like that's, that's part of like. I mean that's to me that should be one of the biggest things is like you're going to church and then like you're saying, I mean you should 100% feel welcome in that community and feel like part. So if you don't, it's like, what am I doing here?
Speaker 1:Yeah, why would I come here? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I think I mean that was part of it. For me with the, with the Mormon church is like I did not feel welcome. No, for even just like the smallest things, like, uh, when I was a teenager and it was like I mean I did competitive cheerleading and it was like I was constantly being lectured by people from the church because my uniform for cheerleading was inappropriate to them yeah it wasn't modest enough and it's like so I should give up this whole thing. That like I'm like getting physical fitness out.
Speaker 1:I've been learning team you know how to be a team and how to be a leader and I'm like it's like such a good thing in my life and you're telling me not to do it because you don't like how short my skirt is right it seems so fucking ridiculous to me yeah, and I'm sure the mormon church, I mean it's just like anyone any other, like uh, religion, just where, like there's gonna be some good ones and there's gonna be some bad churches, right, there's gonna be some that like and some, and sometimes just the people in it, not even the whole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah and so I, I like, I mean one of my best friends, she's a mormon like, and she doesn't judge me and she never has, and we are, are just like regular friends. I don't feel like I have to, like, you know, be someone else with her or anything like that. And I mean, yeah, do I think the things she thinks are crazy? Sure, but who cares? Like that's her own life? Yeah, you know, it's fine. Yeah, I mean I think that's the thing too, is like the things. And I mean this is probably true for all the church, all the religions, but it seems like especially in the Mormon church, that church is catered to white men. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I went to the Mormon church one time with Joellen and I said, and there was just 8x10 photos around the whole entire.
Speaker 2:All the prophets.
Speaker 1:And I go Joellen, who are all these white guys, these old white men? She goes those are all the prophets. And I go joel, who are all these white guys, these old white men? Those are all the prophets. And I go oh, they talk to the lord and they tell you things.
Speaker 2:And she's like yeah, they're mediums and I was like okay, yeah, I know I was like all right, it's fucking crazy.
Speaker 1:I mean okay sure whatever you say yeah, whatever, I mean, whatever you think and I mean I know joel, and things that I, what things I say and I do are crazy too. Oh, I'm sure yeah, so I think that's our like kind of relationship or whatever. But even besides her, like she's not like super strict or whatever. But the other people, I just think like we're, like we're wearing these undergarments.
Speaker 2:No, I can't.
Speaker 1:I can't. And the thing is it just seems like off to me, like yeah, I mean, I know you're not supposed to be bad, but like the kids are like soaking because they're like you know, they're so like scared. Or like one was like would you rather I saw this one where they would go to the school or whatever. And it was like, would you rather be racist? Or, um, say something about like jose Joseph Smith or whatever his name is, and they say they'd rather be racist. Oh, 100%, it's like this is crazy.
Speaker 1:It's bad, this is how you're scaring these people. It's fucking nuts to me. I mean that's with every religion, I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean the fact that they're telling you, like there's different levels of heaven and like, if you are like, not following the rules or whatever, like you might not be in the same realm of heaven as your family after you die. Like, what are we talking about? What are we talking?
Speaker 1:about, and you have to be so good that you can go to this temple, or your, and only you, can go to the temple to be married and your family, who isn't. They can't go to the temple can't go to your wedding sorry, god forbid we go into this place. It's so fucking holy that holds, all holds, all these things that you know only certain people can go to Like it's just. I mean, I just feel like man, it's fucking bullshit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that's bad to say, but I'm just like, eh, I know, but I have said before, you know, I do feel like part of why I feel like I grew up having good, like morals, yeah, and standard, which maybe, maybe that's questionable now, but some of the shit that I do, but like I feel like is partly because of you know, like how my family raised us, or but also partly, I think, because of being raised in a church.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I think that could be true with any church. And so there are times where I think, like in the church, yeah, and so I think that could be true with any church, and so there are times where I think, like you know, maybe maybe I should be going to church with bentley, just so that he has, and the thing is so his dad's side of the family they do go to church and his stepmom very much like reads and studies the bible. Like they're very I wouldn't his dad is, I wouldn't say he's very religious, but like his stepmom is, I know, like his dad's uh side of the family like very much wanted to teach him about religion at a young age, which I had a little bit of a problem with, yeah, because nobody asked me. Yeah, and when he was like a toddler they're like reading him books about jesus and teaching him all the stuff that I was like, hold on, we never even had a conversation about this yeah, I don't like, please don't go and like teach my kid about this
Speaker 2:stuff that like, but it was more so that we didn't have a conversation, not so much like what they were. I would have been fine had they been like hey, this is what I want to do, and it just like I kind of knew what was going on, because I'm like what if he had come to me and asked me these questions and then I didn't know that he's getting this information from you. So, anyway, um, but yeah, and I think, especially now, like getting into his teenage years and stuff, I'm like you know it would be good to have some other space or like some other type of community that we could be a part of. That's like a good influence on him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean there's two things for me, especially the Mormon church. I mean I'm sure this is with any church, but I think especially the Mormon church, their like family, like togetherness, I guess is like amazing to me and the loyalty to the family and the church is beyond.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I love like how much they spend time with their kids and they're really, and like they try to do different things with their kids and like I really, really love that and I really love like I knew this girl, that she was her. She had been in the Mormon church before, but she wasn't really in the church anymore. But they still helped like, support her, like she she was struggling, she couldn't pay her bills, like, and they were still like I'll give you money, you know, for your rent, or like if you need food or whatever, and they would still help and support.
Speaker 1:So I mean oh yeah, and I mean, that's probably with any church they would help. But I've seen that within the mormon church their sense of community is like crazy, oh yeah don't help or like if, like when we would move.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, because with my mom it was like it was just me and my sister, my mom, so we move, and then they just send all these guys to come help and they just help you move, and it's just like it is pretty crazy, but they they're just like so nice and like they're just like I'll just help you do whatever, yeah, and you know, going to with the kids and stuff.
Speaker 1:I think that so when you're talking about like now, you want to like maybe take bentley to church or have some sort of other outlet or whatever. That's when I started to like go into the church again because I was raised catholic and then I was like, I mean, here's the thing. I mean, I guess, if you can get into it, but like I would go to catholic church, I don't. I don't even know what the fuck they're saying.
Speaker 1:They're just over there him and han and I just I can't do the ritual singing and like all this stuff I can't be saying it sitting down saying it get on my knees yeah I you know I I grew up in it. I still is like nostalgic to me when I go in these places and like all this stuff. But as an adult, when I was taking the kids there, I was like I don't think my kids are getting anything out of this because I'm not getting anything out of this you know, and it's where you know.
Speaker 1:usually with Catholic church, the kids just sit there with you and so like they weren't going to this other church where it's like dumbed down so they can learn about these things where they're getting a sense of community.
Speaker 1:It's like, all right, you go with your parents and if you don't shut the fuck up, you're getting pinched. Like that's really what it came down to. You know non-denominational christian like let's go into something like that right, where it's a little bit more casual, even though I still feel like when you go into those places and you're just like, come as you are, I'm like you're just wearing those jean shorts to church I hate that you're wearing that tank top and those jean shorts.
Speaker 1:That's so disrespectful, get the fuck out of here and maybe it's because I came from catholic church specifically oh yeah, and that mormon church shoot.
Speaker 2:Oh, you have dress up. You don't just go to church just wearing whatever.
Speaker 1:The fuck I can't believe that those parents let those kids come out of the house. And I'm like, or even the adults, I'm like that's what you're wearing to church right now.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I mean you don't have to be in a three-piece suit, but come on. So that is when I wanted to start. Going back to church was when the kids were like kind of growing and I think that, you know, knowing stuff about religion is like that's what makes our world go around for a lot of people. So it's like just having more information about God and scripture and all that stuff. Maybe that's not, but you need to know the inner workings of like religions. I think a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So bit yeah, yeah, so yeah, I mean I think I think we're gonna do a test run when bentley gets back and so because the church that he, that our neighbor, goes to, and then he was going, he goes to bible study, which they don't have it during the summer anyway, um, but he was going like every week to bible study and he did like it and I I like that. It was like it's a casual setting and it's only kids like around his age and he sees all these other like kids that are just super normal and like him and they're like, yeah, like we just come to church and we do this stuff. So I think if I was like, hey, like what do you think about? I mean, I think if I said like, if you, what do you think about going to church, I don't think he would be like I don't want to. I think he'd be like really, you want to go to church, that's it. He would be think that it was weird, that I would yeah, of course, yeah, but we'll see.
Speaker 1:I think we're gonna at least try just at least once, like let's just go once and see how it is yeah, I mean I sent the kids to church camp, like to like the winter church camp where they went up into like tahoe or whatever and they did the whole thing Like I was in the kids there and like they would go and all this stuff. And you know, it was weird too, because they were never like baptized into the Christian church. Like you know, when you do it afterwards, and I was like do you want to do it? And then they'd be like yeah, maybe. And then I was kind of like on the edge, like yeah, I don't want to go up there and like do this whole thing because you have to talk oh no you have to say why, or you have to say these things and I'm like go fuck yourself.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can't do. This is a private moment, just like when you have orgasm. This is a private moment, should just be a private moment don't look at me I don't need. I. I think that that's where I like I don't. The problem is like when I go to these churches and stuff, I don't really want to talk to anybody yeah, can I just go and like hear the message and then I could just go home, which is bad, because the whole point of like the church is like a little this sense of community and I was saying that that's what I like about the mormon church.
Speaker 1:But I just don't, really. I don't want you to like god talk me. So like that's not really what I'm interested in. So it's like and I get it, like that's not how everyone is, like I've heard, you know, these girls where they're just like they're going on like wine tastings and like all this stuff, like and I'm like, yeah, I mean that's where I would want to be more.
Speaker 1:But also I can't just be like, oh, bless you, or whatever and I'm like no, all right, sure, I guess, bless me, I'm just like don't pray over me all the blessings I can get yeah like I. Just I, you know, I right now I'm just like, yeah, I'm just like throw up about it because I don't know.
Speaker 2:Also, keep in mind, if I just I, you know, I right now I'm just like, yeah, I'm just like throw up about it because I don't know also keep in mind if I just start talking to people at church and I'm like, yeah, I got this podcast and they're just listening to me talking about sucking dicks and stuff jesus christ, they're like damn, she is going to burn down the church when she walks in yeah, don't let that lady in. Yeah, do not let her in.
Speaker 1:God is gonna strike her down yeah, and I mean I'm over here, like I always say, like I'm the devil like to my family and stuff and I'm evil and all that stuff, and then I'm just going to church and I'm like, yeah god, I'm gonna be with god after, like, I die uh, jesus is my homie yeah, oh god I hate that. Yeah, I hate that, or what would jesus do?
Speaker 2:bracelets, yeah, yeah, I mean, I had one so for a mormon church, you wear your ctr ring and it says for choose the right. It's just like you're wearing this ring yeah it's like so you always look at it and it says ctr. So you're just like, hey, choose the right choice, and like your whole life, kind of thing, and it's kind of like the what would? Jesus, do, but do alcohol don't do alcohol or sex or anything fun we could do a little soaking no that's so weird.
Speaker 1:Those kids are so weird. I don't like that. Just have sex, you're already in there. Do a little pumps. Do a couple little pumps.
Speaker 2:Don't god not the pumps, yeah I cannot believe that we just talked about religion for 20 minutes.
Speaker 2:I know, that wasn't the plan. You know, a lot of times like we have a plan for whatever the episode is and then we just start talking about something to start, because we're like, oh yeah, I was going to tell you this thing, yeah, and then it just goes off but yeah, so I mean what we're supposed to do. What's funny is the title of what we're supposed to do is I don't even recognize who I used to be, thank god yeah that's that.
Speaker 1:Maybe that's how we got it yeah, because we were saying thank god, yeah, and then I was like, okay, let's talk about god, yeah, yeah, well, yeah, yeah, I don't recognize who I used to be, because I used to go to church yeah, I mean because I think our idea was like talking about, okay, like the version of yourself that got you to this point in your life, but why, like that version can't really get you further.
Speaker 2:Yeah, to the place you want to be For me, it's for sure, like I guess I would say, like, like who I was when I was married yeah, I mean, do you feel like and do you see that you like have done like a full transformation? Oh my god.
Speaker 1:I don't even how. About the situation right here? I'm like the therapist yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2:You're just sitting in your chair and then you're on the couch, actually laying down on the couch we have a new setup today and I'm like sitting in like brown doctor's chair, like high back yeah. And she's across.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like a brown leather, like kind of like not rustic, but like you know yeah. Yeah, Worn, and she's like sitting across from me on a couch.
Speaker 2:On a couch ipad and I'm just like sitting up straight. Oh, yeah, yeah, this is perfect. I'm so glad we're doing therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I think about so and it's funny because this literally this morning I went on instagram, so also I started giving myself. I set time limits on all my apps on my phone because I started doing too much doom scrolling.
Speaker 1:You know I can't do that I know you've been sending me stuff would you're like what the hell is happening?
Speaker 2:yeah, you never send me reels and stuff like that, yeah, you never send me anything and it's like, yeah, because I've been doom scrolling and I just spent like an hour because I started looking at the, the um, like the timer thing on your settings or whatever. You could see how long you've been spending and I'm like, oh, I've been spending all this time on these stupid apps, yeah and so, anyway, I started setting time limits so I was like give myself a little bit of time to like, if you want to scroll and look at some stupid ass reels or whatever, fine and then you got to get off of here yeah, um, so I just watched one this morning and it was something like something like the post-divorce glow up needs to be studied or something, and it was just like video.
Speaker 2:This girl like when she's married and then like after. And it's so true because and of course you know, I love reading the comments. I love reading the comments and, of course, all the comments that were negative, that were saying, oh, like it's so annoying when women can't just like put this much effort into themselves when they were married or like they didn't get. And all those comments were from men and I'm like the thing that you don't understand is like how draining some relationships are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think the men are stunting them, or I mean, I don't want to say the men, but like whatever's going on. Yeah, whatever's going on is stunting like their growth and people.
Speaker 2:You might be like this great person and you're so like interesting and you're smart and you're like all these things, and that's why someone like falls in love with you, but then, once you get into this relationship, they just suck the life out of you and they drain all of that that they initially were attracted to about you.
Speaker 1:And then it's like one of the girls' comments was like yeah, she was too busy cooking, cleaning and taking care of like a man-child or something. Yeah, they don't give you room to grow unless, like that's the kind of man they are right now like I think that of the opposite too, like oh yeah you have a glow up because you have this man that supports you and that gives you space to like do this, and you could have that in a relationship with the right person for sure, but it just doesn't.
Speaker 1:This doesn't happen sometimes doesn't happen.
Speaker 2:And with girls too, like sometimes girls you can, you know, women get into a relationship with a guy and then they just fucking suck the dude dry of his money of his time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's just the toxicity of the relationship is what yeah of the person is what is like, yeah, killing their glow yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think it's two things for me when I'm sitting here thinking about like the version of myself that got me here. It's a two part for me. One is I was in what I believe to be a toxic marriage and two, that I was such a workaholic. Yeah, but I think, like I mentioned before, part of my workaholism was me escaping from this. I don't even it's like. It's like it is a marriage and a relationship, but I almost want to put air quotes when I say it, because it wasn't really a relationship, it was just just the way. It's like it wasn't a partnership is what I mean, yeah, it was a relationship.
Speaker 2:Whether, like a relationship's good or bad or right even or whatever, it wasn't a partnership, yeah it was a relationship and so it just I think part of it was I would just throw myself into work and because it's like you like I would feel, so, um, just like, yeah, I guess like run down and whatever, and you're like, it's like it would, I would be tired all the time and it just emotionally exhausted, which then physically exhausts you, and you're just constantly like battling with this person and with yourself internally about why you're even in this relationship, and blah, blah, blah um, yeah, it is crazy to me because I always thought, looking into your relationship, like that I mean there was just no support on his end for like what you were building or what you were.
Speaker 1:You know, just in in the realm of like, okay, I'm gonna have like food ready, like I'd be like, okay, so who cooks? And you're like well, sometimes I come home and he just like cooks for himself and then I have to deal with it myself.
Speaker 2:Oh, he would always just eat dinner on his own.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like that's like crazy to me when, like you work all day, he knows you get up early, you're going to come home, and then he's not like like figuring out dinner together, at least figuring out together, like if you want to stop by the grocery store and then I'll cook all the food or whatever it is, or splitting days or whatever, like he wouldn't even have that for you.
Speaker 1:It just seemed. And it seemed like when you said you were gonna go do these things together, I was like there wasn't like an excitement about it. You're like, oh, we're gonna go do this this weekend. And then you came back and you weren't like oh, my god, we had so much fun doing these things.
Speaker 2:It just seemed like you were just like 80 percent of time.
Speaker 1:We didn't even fucking do it because he didn't want to do anything yeah, it seemed like you were just like living kind of in this gray world and it was just like yeah, like a monotone voice.
Speaker 2:That was my life, yeah, yeah, and it was like, uh, the the thing with the dinner thing even would piss me off, because it was like it was me and him and and bentley, and it would be like he would just, whatever the situation was, whether like I came home from work and he was already home and like he would literally just eat, or like I was already home, and then he would just like we wouldn't even talk about dinner yet or it wasn't time, like he would often eat, like kind of an earlier dinner time, and so then he would just like come down or do whatever, go in the kitchen and then just like just make some food for himself and I'm like is that your dinner, or what are we?
Speaker 2:And he was just like, yeah, I'm hungry. Okay, well, like we're a family, like can we like plan dinner together, at least eat together or talk about it, and it would always be this, like this whole thing yeah where I was just like what and he was just like I don't see why it's a big deal and I'm like you don't, you don't see why, like that's a problem.
Speaker 2:So I just like all these little things and so anyway, yeah, so it's really hard when you're in a situation like that. I just felt like I had zero, uh, energy or even like care to like dress, cute, put any effort into how I looked, like it was just like I don't really give a fuck about any of this. What does it even matter?
Speaker 2:yeah because I also would feel like anytime I did try to, it would either be like I would get ready to go, like we were gonna go out, like even if we were gonna go to something and I would do my hair and makeup, and instead of just like giving me a nice compliment, there always had to be this like oh, so how can we only get ready when we're going out and you're gonna see other people?
Speaker 1:but when do you want me to get ready? Like get up in the morning and get ready you know, I do my makeup.
Speaker 2:Just just fucking sit here while you play your video games. That's what you want me to do. You can't even eat dinner with me.
Speaker 1:And like right, come on, and not like every guy should be this, because I do like think the opposite of the guys where I appreciate if they like when you get dolled up and stuff, but I mean, aren't you supposed to be the guy that's like you don't have to wear all that makeup and you don't have to do all that thing, instead of like you want to get ready.
Speaker 2:I would spend so much time, I would get fully ready and then spend so much time picking an outfit and doing all this stuff, and then the compliment that I would ever even get was you look nice, that's it, you look nice. And I would be like I look nice, like that's, that's it. Like, though, you look nice. I just spent two hours getting ready. He's like you look nice, and I was like I'm like that's literally the same compliment you give your mom when, like, we see them and we're going out, and she gets stressed. I'm like, oh, mom, you look so nice, that's the compliment that I'm getting.
Speaker 1:You want him to tell you like you're sexy, something yeah.
Speaker 2:So it goes there's no incentive for me to like get ready for you. Also, like I said, you don't even want to even have dinner with me or whatever. So like why? And we're just sitting here and doing nothing? And so I'm just like I don't understand, I don't know. So so it just would start to bleed into the rest of my life where I just you, just start to be like what was even the point of doing any of this? And so you don't want to even get ready or go do anything fun, or and you and because I felt like I didn't want you do things to avoid arguments sometimes and it's like, okay, well, I guess I'm not going to plan fun stuff with my friends or I'm not going to go on some girls trip run, because I don't want to get in a fight with you, and so you kind of see the type to be upset if you went on trips without him.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, he.
Speaker 2:I mean we would get in these huge arguments when I would go to a fucking photography conference, a work conference, and this isn't like oh, me and the team, we're going to palm springs, literally me by myself, going to like a three-day conference somewhere where I'm sitting in classes for 12 fucking hours a day. He would be mad because a few people would like go to dinner after together. Because you're networking, you're there like that's the whole point of these conferences and it's like if there was one guy there, it'd be like oh, oh, there's a guy. Oh, you wanted to go out to dinner with this guy. I'm like the fuck are you talking about? Like what? And it was just so random. Like these photography conferences are primarily women.
Speaker 2:There's rarely, even because his that's what he would do he would do he would be fucking turn on his tinder and then just be like so it's like I felt like I can't like pursue the things I want with my friends, with my work to struggle to do that I can't do the things I want to do, because I know at the end of the day, it's going to be an argument, right, and so you just stop doing the things that you love doing, you stop taking care of yourself, you stop where you're just in like survival mode, where you're like right, I'm living my life in order to avoid conflict and to just try and keep the peace in my household, and then you become just like a shell of this person who's just like a little robot, and you're just kind of like all right, I guess it was like I was always like walking on eggshells and kind of waiting for the next thing, which then you feel like you can't. Not only can you not be yourself, but you can't even like you can't like say the things you want to say, like you don't have a personality, right, basically right. So I feel like when I think about the version of myself that got me to this point, that is how I was, but at the same time, I guess in a way it did help to, like I said, give me all that extra time and whatever to like put into work, and so I really did throw myself into work, and it definitely was part of the reason why the studio grew the way that it did and as quickly as it did. But, yeah, I feel like going forward from here. I mean, yeah, that version of myself could never continue. It couldn't take me to what my next goals are. Also, I'm not.
Speaker 2:I feel like now I am doing all the things I want to do. I am like taking care of myself and my like mental health and going on fun trips and spending time with friends and doing the things with my son that I want to do, without being worried if, like, someone's going to be mad about it or whatever, and also not feeling like constantly judged for how I'm parenting. Right, so I feel like I had to take a a back seat to parenting my own fucking kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was so weird like I can't believe some of the issues that you had with your marriage like it's crazy to me. It's crazy too, because I feel like you do have a strong personality in that. The way that your marriage like it's crazy to me. It's crazy too, because I feel like you do have a strong personality in that the way that he just like kept you, or the way that not he kept you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the way you felt in the relationship was just to kind of like smooth things over constantly instead of like speaking up and like you know yeah, but again, what's funny is I feel like the reasons he was attracted to me was because I was this like independent person, I had a like bigger personality, I was fun, I was all these things and that's I think. You know, sometimes men are attracted to like a confident and like independent woman.
Speaker 2:Until they're with them, yeah, especially if they're insecure because it emasculates them and they can't handle that right and they want you to need them right and for you to be beneath them and not be like side by side as a partnership should be right. So, yeah, so that's tough. I feel like I definitely look back at not only like just pictures of myself but and like you're looking at pictures and you remember stuff about yourself, but just looking back like even just shit that I used to like, say or think, or like posts I would write or stuff, and I'm like god, like I could just never go back to being that person. No, ever. No, why would you?
Speaker 1:yeah, so it's pretty crazy, yeah yeah, I can't imagine you being like stuck in that relationship like that. And it's funny because I see, I mean I see you like when you talk about being in a relationship again how you're just like I think I could see that it still affects you in a way, to where you're like I don't want this guy to like push me there again.
Speaker 2:So I gotta be like very like aware of everything yeah, I do feel like I'm hyper aware when I am going on dates or I'm meeting guys or and I think so I think too far into the future with them, because I'm so nervous to get myself in another situation like that where I'm like I'm really looking for the red flags or I'm really like looking for these things where I go. I don't know that that works with my personality and so I'm okay with not being with you because, yeah, I'm really happy with my life right now and I cannot and will not get into another situation where, like, getting into a relationship would take away, it should add to your life not take away, yeah that's the thing.
Speaker 2:And so it's like, yeah, until I find that. I'm like, well, I'll just be single until that happens. Yeah, can't settle no. So yeah, you definitely can't settle high standards please. On the relationship side, which makes it hard, yeah. And then you go, oh, and then you go through these a little and you go see everyone in relationships. You're like jesus, everyone's in a fucking relationship, and why is it so hard? And I go, and then I have to remind myself, like well, it's so hard because my standards are so high. You know, I don't want to be in a relationship, just because and I think there has to be something said about you know.
Speaker 1:I know a lot of people and I'm surrounded by a lot of people that it got together when they were really young and then like growing as like really young kids into like adults like that we are now. That is different from like being with someone that is just like already stuck in their ways, that has been by themselves, for you know well, into their late 20s. I think that makes it a little bit more difficult. When you're just kind of young kids and you guys are growing together and everyone's like teaching each other things and helping each other grow up, that's a whole different ballgame. And so then when you see those marriages like that and then you're like, damn, how do they have this marriage? But you're like, oh, they grew up together that's what happened.
Speaker 1:You know which? It's hard to find the man that's just gonna be like a glow up for you yeah, it is.
Speaker 2:It's really hard because I'm looking for men that are like almost in their 40s and so, yeah, I mean there's no training. That's gonna be happening. I'm not training somebody and I don't want to. Yeah either, I don't I wouldn't want to either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I have thought this, like if drew died or whatever, I'm not, I'm not rebuilding I'm not. I'm not interested in going to school right now or just starting their career, or is like it's different when you're like changing careers or something.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it's tough because and I and I, I'm sure that people will you know there's some people go oh well, that's selfish or whatever where, at least for however long, the beginning is like I don't want to be putting anything on my life, in my life on hold for this other person to like, like you said, finish school or whatever. It's like I just need someone who meet, can meet me right where I'm at now, and that means they're done having kids or don't have kids. They already have a career that they're happy with and successful at, and they also have already gone to therapy. They have fixed their shit and at least acknowledged, you know, their traumas and whatever, and have been on a path to like healing themselves on their own, without me having to say, hey, you know, why don't you think about going to therapy?
Speaker 1:yeah, because who wants to be in the game of changing people?
Speaker 2:No, that sounds awful For everybody involved. Yeah, Because I don't want to get in a relationship and then someone trying to change me either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because that's the thing. I'm a damn nagging person Stuck in my fucking ways too. Yeah, that is what you need to do. This like who wants to do that?
Speaker 2:that's no fun yeah, I think, I don't know. So I definitely think, and you know again, I always say like never I'm open to whatever.
Speaker 2:I'm open to yeah never say never and I'm open to the like, the possibilities, and like the curveballs that like life throws at you or whatever. But I think or like I can only really picture two scenarios like I either picture myself living like like a sex of the city life, where I'm just like I'm just gonna stay single and I'm just gonna be like prioritizing my own happiness and living in this space. That feels really like good to me without having to worry about but then I can get whatever like connection or whatever when I want that. Or I get into a relationship with someone where, like I said, they meet me where I'm at, but maybe, but like I still see it I don't know that I really see it being this like we're living together and we get married and like definitely not having kids or anything. So maybe it's just this long term relationship. I mean, maybe we get married, but it would take so many years for me to like agree to that.
Speaker 1:Or like someone that is good.
Speaker 2:So good to you and so consistent about it yeah. And just.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I, even then I got, I don't, I don't even know that we would like live together.
Speaker 2:Like I really and I know, sometimes I joke about it, but I really think like I might be okay with just living next door to somebody, yeah, and then just having sleepovers or something Like I just really like to have my own space and it's just yeah. I mean, once you get to like a certain age and a certain, and when you've been single too for a while and you're not just jumping from one relationship to another where now it's like two and a half years where I've been single, living on my own, and I'm like I cannot even imagine going back to like living with someone. And that's not even because you know my ex-husband like he wasn't messy, he was very clean, very all this stuff. It's just sharing your space with someone is such it. It it changes a lot of stuff, like it changes a lot and it changes your relationship a lot, and so I don't know, I don't really see that for myself, at least for a long time.
Speaker 1:You haven't felt someone that you were drawn to in that aspect no, yeah, because even if he makes, my life easier. Like I come home and he's like has dinner ready and he like puts gas in my car and he like takes care of all these things. Like yeah, why wouldn't I want? Like I feel like attracted to that. I, if I feel settled with that, I feel like attracted to that. I, if I feel settled with that, I feel at home with that. You haven't really had that kind of safe space to be in.
Speaker 1:And so then you're like, okay, well, why would I have? I feel like secure in making myself feel like that? Yeah, I don't really need to rely on anyone to make me feel like that, but when someone wants to do those things for you and actually proves to you that they are consistently doing those things for you and actually proves to you that they are consistently doing those things for you. Yeah, maybe you'll change your mind.
Speaker 2:Maybe you won't. Yeah, yeah, and I think too it's. This sounds so like, uh, I guess it sounds so like negative or cynical, but it's just like. But I just can't. I maybe it's just because of my experience with dating or just with relationships, whatever where I go, I just don't think that really exists, like I can't really picture that. I just literally cannot picture meeting someone where they're checking off all the boxes on the checklist.
Speaker 2:I just I don't know, I don't see that where I. I think that maybe I will meet someone where they are meeting all of these like emotional needs and these like whatever physical needs, whatever. But then I am like all these other things I need from them, maybe acts of service or this. I go well, I have my personal assistant for that. They'll put gas in my car, they'll do like you know what I mean, where I go. It's okay if, if I meet someone and they aren't all those other things, because I could just pay someone else for that. So it's like, yeah, I don't know, it's uh. Well, I mean, yeah, we'll see. Yeah, it's just really hard and it's really hard dating, living where we live yeah and um, especially where we live we live, yeah, and especially where we live, I don't know there's nothing really out here.
Speaker 2:There's nothing, and the um political climate where we live doesn't necessarily match with my own personal values, and so that's another reason it's just really tough.
Speaker 1:And it's also tough just dating, like when you're parenting full-time yeah, I think that's hard for you too, like you're like when am I supposed to go on these dates? I have my son full-time. Like I'm gonna leave him for dinner.
Speaker 2:To go to dinner with this guy that I don't really know yeah yeah, I think that's like a tough situation too and then what I can never do, like overnights, I can't. What am I gonna do?
Speaker 1:I can't just leave my son home yeah, there's no sexy time when you, when you're and he's a boy.
Speaker 2:It's not like if I had a girl. Maybe it's different. They do like have hella sleepovers and shit, but I mean, he's not doing sleepovers yeah, once in a while, like his friends do that. But he, you know, he's kind of like me too. He's like I'd rather be at my own house. I don't want to be. I'm over there. I got it's so annoying and I got yeah, you put that in him, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of like that stuff too, because even this guy that I saw a couple times when I went to Vegas and then I thought I was gonna see him again when I was there, but he was traveling for work too, but he was like I, he wants to fly here to see me and he was like gonna fly out here and he was gonna stay for the weekend and all this stuff and he's like so willing to, like almost like he wants to have this relationship with me where he's like it's okay, like I travel all the time for work, I'll come travel, I'll come see you all the time. Where I'm like I can't though I'm gonna have my son, I can't do that like I would. I would be open to trying that, even though I go, I'll never do a long distance relationship but like, okay, sure is it, it's such a short flight and if he's willing to do a lot of the travel, okay. But I'm like I can't do that, I can't leave because it's not even an option.
Speaker 1:Like it's not an option, right yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's like what are we even talking about? That's what I'm saying. It's so hard where I can't even date people outside of the area who are willing to do this stuff, because I literally can't do it yeah right now where I go. Well, the next fucking five years, I guess, are gonna be what it is. I mean maybe three, maybe when he's like 16, it's like I could leave him overnight or something.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I just can't imagine for the next minimum three years where I go. Well, I guess I'm gonna be at least single for that long that's how it feels. Yeah, that's how it feels tough unless you find someone that just literally sweeps you off your feet and you can just like date in town yeah, because I I would have to date someone, for I mean, I think in order for me to even let them meet my son, I would have to probably date them for a minimum of six months.
Speaker 1:At least Minimum. No, I think that's the right number. That's what I was going to. That's what popped into my head too. I feel like six months of consistently like dating me you can meet my kids. I think that's like good.
Speaker 2:I think when people, like you know, meet their like these dating these dating people like within a week is crazy. Well, and there's a couple reasons. Because I have kind of dated a couple guys previously, like in this time frame of being, I guess, single, you could say sort of like didn't super seriously date them, but kind of like tried a relationship thing for a couple months and they all lasted less than three months because at the about the two, two and a half month mark is where it went. You see all the things. That's where it goes, that's what they say. It's like it's 90 days, so bare minimum 90 days before they would even anything would happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah because then people start to show their true colors and then I would need like another three months after that to see at least some consistency, because I don't want my son to meet anyone, uh who it's hard because I think he had such a difficult experience with my ex-husband and so with him leaving it's like I don't want to put him in a situation like he's very skeptical. So I think if I were to introduce at whatever point I introduce him to anyone, he's gonna be so fucking skeptical of this person and be like I don't know, we'll see, we'll see if you can hang, you know.
Speaker 1:So you and him are the same yeah we're the same person yeah, yeah I know we just sometimes I I like that.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I'm glad he's not so much like his dad. But then sometimes I go, oh, life's gonna be tough for you because you think everyone's an idiot. You're so skeptical of people, is so yeah?
Speaker 1:everyone is an idiot. Well, I mean and we're just talking about this like big companies are idiots the way they are dealing with things or like things that are happening.
Speaker 2:You know everyone is so idiotic, yeah yeah, I mean even when I went to my, even when I went to my uh work conference this week and these guys are like running these like millions of dollars, like a year companies and stuff. And I'm texting you because I'm like this one guy. He's talking and he literally keeps using big words incorrectly. Okay, give me an example. I can't remember, you can't, I can't. I'm trying to think of, um, oh my god, I'm trying to think of like one that he used. He did it like six times and I was cringing so hard inside I was like, oh my god, every time he would say something and he's talking like, and he's so confident, he's so confident what he's saying. And then he uses the word wiggle. That's not, that's not what that word means, that's not how you, you know, and riley does it and she's so silly sometimes, but it's not because she's like trying to sound smart, like he's like trying to sound smart yeah and I go.
Speaker 2:You really sound so dumb right now because you're using these words and that's not. It's not what you meant. I know what you meant, but don't ever say that that's so weird, yeah so everyone's idiot.
Speaker 1:All right, everyone's an idiot.
Speaker 2:Idiot. Yeah, oh God. What about you? What about the version of you that?
Speaker 1:You know, I think that I I mean I still am like this a little bit, but I think I'm a lot softer in my older years.
Speaker 1:I used to be, I think, a lot more angry and just like not as much much like empathy for people, and I think that I you know, I had a friend ask me you know, I think this was when I was turning 39. She was like, you know, I, you know what has been like a change for you or whatever, and she said, too, like I just noticed how much softer you are now than you were before and I think that my anger has come down a little bit. Um, I think that drew treating me like such a princess. I think that has changed too, where I used to take on so much stuff. I mean, I still take on a lot of things, but now I kind of let my family cater to me a little bit and like kind of take care of me more while I do, I'm able to take on so many other things and I don't think that I would be able to, like you think I lived in such this kind of like angry frame of life from, like, all my past drama, traumas, dramas, traumas and I think that, yeah, both, both, a little bit of both, and I think that I'm a lot more soft now, like I'm a lot more soft with people, even though I think people are fucking idiots, and I like feel like I still have a standard.
Speaker 1:But I just feel like I'm a lot more soft with people, even though I think people are fucking idiots and I like feel like I still have a standard. But I just feel like I'm more like well, I kind of understand where they're coming from or like why they're doing the things they do, like I kind of looking into that instead of just being like you're a fucking idiot and fix it.
Speaker 2:I mean, I can even see that from when you first started working at the studio to now yeah, I think I've just kind of softened up a little bit.
Speaker 1:I think Drew and the kids have softened me up a little bit to soften my blows. That's so much nicer now. You know they always go. You let Rihanna get away with everything. You know you don't ever get for two things. She has a mother, so that's a thing.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:She's not my child. And the second thing is, yeah, I mean I just have a little bit more patience with her, you know Right and so well, because she's not from this country, so she kind of doesn't really know how things work sometimes. And yeah, I think as I've gotten older, I've just been a little bit softer with everyone you know yeah.
Speaker 1:And so, and maybe I just don't give a fuck anymore. Maybe that's what it is. It's like you know what everyone's going to do, what they want to do, and that has to be okay. I can't just be so uptight about it. Like, all right, fine, you want to fuck around? Then go over there and fuck around. Then go over there and fuck around it doesn't affect me.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, go do whatever you want to do I don't care, it doesn't matter to me, yeah, yeah, I don't think that I've had this huge transformation. I think that, yeah, I have, from when I was like 19 till now, of course.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's 20 years.
Speaker 1:But, um, and then I'm the opposite of you. I think that that Drew has helped me like kind of glow up in that just supportive, always giving me the space to learn things and not rushing me through Like having to like, because that could be it too. Like you know, you can be in these relationships and there's like you need to fucking fix yourself right now.
Speaker 2:You need to fix these things.
Speaker 1:He's always just kind of led me, but not you know like made me. And so I think that that's what I really need too. I think that I can't just like someone tells me I have to do it. I hate that. I need to kind of get there on my own a little bit. But he still pulls me there, you know. So yeah, I think not too much, but you know, still I think a better person now than I was.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Even like five or six years ago too yeah, just with like being more understanding of people, I think for sure, well, and too I think you realize, when you could tell, when you're kind of like outgrowing your like old self, I guess you could say, or whatever just because, like, even if you're in a space like maybe it's old friends that no longer like really align with, yeah, your life now, or places that you used to go, or like you just feel like not so comfortable in those, yeah, I think, or you know working.
Speaker 1:I think the big change for me probably was working in the salon and working in the studio.
Speaker 2:I think I was outgrowing the salon.
Speaker 1:I think for me I needed to find like I mean, hair is definitely a creative outlet. I and I loved my salon. I really did. I felt very comfortable, very loved there, very, very taken care of there. You know, it was really like I would like I know you're not supposed to say this, but it really was like a family like and the things that I like we had like potlucks and we like did all these things together and, like you know, I felt very supportive there. I mean, probably because I was with Joellen and I had these other two really good friends there that just like felt very much like home for me.
Speaker 1:But I do think that I outgrew that space just in a sense of like creativity. I wasn't, I think it's just like being, it wasn't like being in a bad relationship, but I was just stunting myself in there. I needed to find something else and I couldn't figure out what like that meant. Like you know, I had talked about this before. Like I was like, okay, maybe I want to start doing lashes. I just needed to find something else. I had done hair for 10 years and I was like maybe I could have started doing extensions.
Speaker 2:I just needed some other creative outlet, and I do think that leaving there made me feel like younger and fresh like I just I needed to get out and be somewhere fresh, you know, instead of like it didn't really match me to be there anymore, like, as far as like well, I was gonna say like stuff coming, you coming into the studio in the beginning, to where to like how you are now, in like the past couple years, yeah, I feel like you just seem so much more, I guess, like enthusiastic about just life and just doing creative things and like even just like how you dress now it's like you have found your.
Speaker 2:It's like you, almost like you have found your. It's like you, almost like you found your personal brand, kind of a thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think, especially with like, as you're saying, outfits like you can't just wear whatever you want at.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, Doing hair.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your shit gets fucked up, like you can't wear whatever shoes too because your feet hurt. Yeah, yeah, like like your feet hurt, yeah, yeah, like like all these things. So it's like that, like and I see girls that do dress like that, but like I'd be, I always was worried about I would get I'm like kind of messy and then I like my feet hurt all the time and all that stuff, so like that was taking a toll on my body too. So I think that even made like I would come home and my feet would fucking hurt yeah, my back would hurt and so, like that makes you feel old, like that makes me, you know like
Speaker 1:who wouldn't feel old and like just like worn, you know, after you've just done that. So then, like going to work and coming home and then not feeling those things and you're just like, oh, I can just like do all these things, you know, after work or whatever. That, I think, also like kind of like changes you a little bit too, and so I think that is where my big transformation has been is just like that girl that was stuck like after COVID, feeling like everything was so boring and then all like I just just felt like it wasn't fun anymore and maybe I needed to like have patience and like uh, like let the COVID thing like kind of like go. But I mean and like let it come and go or whatever. But because I did go back to work for Joellen a year or two years after I like uh stopped working there and I had fun like I.
Speaker 1:I. It was just like riding a bike, just got back in the swing of things. I enjoyed talking to people that I knew. You know, with this situation, what we're in like. You don't know the clients you know, they're always new they're always it's.
Speaker 2:It's a lot more transactional than like having a client come in, you know, every four weeks and like because you build a relationship over time with your hair clients, whereas with us we only get a few hours with them and then that's it and really talking to them.
Speaker 1:I mean, you're probably talking for like an hour and you're doing something where like it's like they're picking their photos out, so you're not like getting to know them yeah you're not like hearing their stories or anything. And if you are hearing the stories it's like two minutes, like you're yeah, because they can't be talking when they're posing and stuff right, or it's like more when, like they're coming and going is when you hear kind of their story a little bit, but not you don't make the same kind of connections as you do.
Speaker 2:Like they're not just like sitting in your chair for two hours. Yeah, like having a conversation. Your clients become your friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, in a way, like you feel like some sort of closeness to them. So I think that I do miss that a little bit.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:It being so, I mean, unless you're not taking new clients, you don't really know what you're coming into when you're taking new clients, but typically you kind of know what's going on. Like so it's like your brain can just like oh, I'm going to do this touch up on someone I know, these colors I'm going to use, we're going to do a little bit more autopilot yeah.
Speaker 1:And then you just can focus on the person, right Cause you're just like doing you know where. Now we're like, okay, I got to make this person like feel good, look good, and then you know and everything else. So it's a little bit different with each person. Yeah, so I think that that the work thing is probably where I've transformed the most in you know, in changing jobs. I mean, I guess that's how it is, like it could be.
Speaker 2:Like changing jobs is huge for most people, yeah, yeah, but I don't think I realized how much it would change my life, you know yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah, and I think there is something to be said about looking back at who you were, or just even and it doesn't even have to be like we're sitting here talking about, like, oh, it's just like this huge transformation of us or whatever. But even when you're just like, oh, a couple years ago, where I maybe wasn't like reading, and now like I'm really into reading and I'm in this book club and I've made friends, that's how I was yeah yeah, that was.
Speaker 1:I didn't wasn't reading at all before covid. Yeah, like zero books I had read in like eight years I had stopped reading and then all of a sudden boom, like I think last year I read like 80 something books, like crazy, you know. And like now I'm in this book club and book is life and like all this stuff and I just love it and all you know, and it's like that's so weird.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not transforming, like uh, you know my finances, or like you know, stuff, but it's still like I think I start to read about these people and like it makes me like maybe love more or like you know kind of see all these different things and it opens up your mind to different, like possibilities in life, even if you're reading like fiction books or whatever stuff like that happens in real life mostly, maybe not the mob ones.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm sure that's happened yeah, and definitely not the fantasy ones.
Speaker 2:There's like not fairies around, you know, just like still it gives you a break from reality in those situations too, which I think we a lot of people need, and it can bring you together even if you're not in a physical, like a book club that meets physically every, but maybe you're like an online community and you're talking to people about books and it just gives you this sense of community, and so it could be literally anything that you have where you kind of shed a little bit of an old identity, yeah, and then are taking on I don't know something new a new little chapter of your life, or even just like a new little sector of your life where maybe it's just one little part and um, and I think not being not looking back at like how you used to be with a negative view, just being like that's who I was and that like the way that I was, it got me whatever through that time or to this point or whatever yeah and now I'm.
Speaker 1:This person, like you, can almost kind of honor that person that you were or the life you were living, without saying it was bad or yeah, I mean I I think that when you look back on your life, I mean, yeah, it's probably hard to do this if it was like it was a really bad time in your life, like you were a drug addict or something, and you're like you know oh, that was you know but everything learning yeah, yeah, yeah it kind of sucks
Speaker 1:like especially if you burned a lot of people or something you know yeah. But I do think, like all the things that you went through kind of brings you to where you are now, right, oh for sure, god's plan, god's plan, let go and let God, yeah, thank you, jesus no it really does like the lessons you learn and I think I hate us. I know.
Speaker 2:God's plan. That's why we're here right now.
Speaker 1:We're getting canceled right now on this episode. For sure the christian people that listen to us probably hate us. We're just joking and we appreciate that you love god.
Speaker 2:It's yeah yeah, I mean all the different I said it. I wish that I could really live in that and I, just right now I can't yeah, maybe one day yeah, sorry, if you go to valley church but I think everyone should just uh give yourself permission to change or to like almost reintroduce yourself or who you want to be we said that you can reintroduce yourself every day.
Speaker 1:You can just be crazy one day multiple personalities, silly one day you could be maximalist one day and then the next day you just Minimalist, or you're a minimalist. Whatever you want, yeah, be whoever you want to be Like. If your life's not going well, read some books and change it.
Speaker 2:Just change it yeah. And just one thing at a time. It doesn't have to be like overhaul your whole entire life.
Speaker 1:Just do it one little thing at a time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just have to focus on one thing, change that and then move on to the next and it'll give you some momentum. Once you do one tiny thing and you see a little tiny change and it could be literally the smallest thing, like, okay, I'm just gonna focus on like I really need to start, like like I'm right now I'm trying to not drink coffee when I first wake up. I'm like trying to drink water when I first wake up. Make sure I eat something within the first 30 minutes, because they say I'm supposed to do that for metabolism and I fucking hate eating in the morning like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I've been trying it, like that little change, and it's changing my energy throughout the day and helping me and it's making me more productive, yeah, making my mind less foggy, and then that is now spurring other things that I can like work on. So it could just be whatever Like, whatever little tiny thing that if you want to change something about your life, go for it.
Speaker 1:Just try it, and if you quit, it's fine. We talked about this all the time it's fine if you quit things.
Speaker 2:Just try stuff and then whatever. Who cares yeah? Literally nobody yeah.
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:Okay, you're not drinking water in the morning anymore oh, did someone die, and that's what I say sorry, no one died yeah like we're not doing brain surgery you're risking. Every time I get so stressed about something, I'm telling I'm like and you go, here's the thing, what's gonna happen?
Speaker 1:and I go I guess nothing god has a plan for all of us and it's gonna work out. It's supposed to well, don't worry. I sure hope god brings my fashion nova outfits today, because I won't have outfits for palm springs if anyone doesn't know, fashion nova delivers, like the next day if you live in california, if you live in cal, maybe not everywhere, but because we live in california, you get your outfits nice.
Speaker 2:It's like how come you didn't tell me this? Because you know, then I'm digging through fucking amazon and I could have had fashion nova stuff the next day it's crazy how quickly I cannot, and a lot of times too.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'll just send me things and it's like everything's 40 off and so I don't even need anything.
Speaker 2:Site wide it's 30, yeah, I don't even need anything. Site wide, site wide uh 30 off site wide and there's a bogo pig's blood the yeah, I'm gonna say words they, and sometimes I just go through their shit.
Speaker 1:I'm just like 40 perfect, these things are 23, these boots are 23, I'll grab them, no problem yeah, they're shitty. Whatever. I don't give a shit. They come the next day, yeah and there were 23 and I'm like fine cool.
Speaker 2:Can we talk about how I ordered a fucking micro mini skirt just because I want to know what the fuck a micro mini skirt?
Speaker 1:is it's just gonna cover your nipples. Dollars, it's just gonna cover your nipples. Yeah, I mean, my cooch is gonna be hanging out the bottom.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be have some flaps out the bottom of my skirt, but hey, it was six dollars. Boyfriends, they're gonna be chasing you through palm springs you know, these 20, 20 something year old boys are really chasing right now. They really love chasing I can see it.
Speaker 1:I can see it. You know, I started watching that show.
Speaker 2:I don't know if we should talk about this now, or we should you start watching the hunting wives. I finished it. Okay, I want to talk about. On the next episode, okay, when we record our next episode I want to talk about because I love that show, you do, I do okay, okay, we'll talk about the next one.
Speaker 1:okay, that's it are we're done.
Speaker 2:Message us on our Instagram at maximalistlifepodcastcom and tell us I always want to say com, no, okay, tell us. If you love church, no, don't tell me. Or if you don't, no, tell us what we should do.
Speaker 1:You know, good thing we're not popular because we would get canceled immediately and if we ever do get popular not saying cancel all of these. We have to delete all these episodes are definitely going to look back and be like damn these bitches are off the hook but I feel like right now everyone just says whatever, who cares?
Speaker 2:yeah, whatever, go fuck yourself. If you don't like listening to it, then don't. It's okay, because here's the thing. What's going to happen? Nothing, we're not. I'm not going to give a fuck that's for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can call me ugly and fat and old too Like.
Speaker 2:I don't really care. I've definitely been called much worse Keyboard warriors. I don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was literally finger-banged when I was 12. Two, Not two Second grade, so you can't really hurt me so.
Speaker 2:I mean, what do you want me to do? I?
Speaker 1:was molested by my stepdad, or my heart, or my heart. Yeah sorry, I don't have one anymore. I'm the devil. That's why I can't go to church.
Speaker 2:Oh god, well we'll be back on our our next episode, talking about the hunting wives talking about the hunting wives.
Speaker 1:Hunting wives. They should sponsor us because we're going to give a good review.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay oh no that's your line okay, see you next time. Hope you guys are having fun. Tits up, dicks out.