.png)
Maximalist Life
This is Maximalist Life, with Brianna Gamble and Tamika Stringfellow. This unfiltered podcast is your permission slip to chase after everything you damn well desire.
Join us as we dish out no-holds-barred conversations and invite you to step into a life filled with limitless possibilities. Forget fear and embrace the maximalist mentality with us every week.
Get ready to experience piss your pants laughter, cringe-worthy truths, and be inspired to break free from living a mediocre life.
Maximalist Life
Ep 43 - Daddy Issues and Other Fun Baggage
Episode Summary:
We get really personal in this convo — diving into our own childhood trauma and how it still shows up in our adult lives. From relationships to careers, parenting to sex, trauma has a sneaky way of shaping who we are. And while it looks different for everyone, the patterns are hard to miss: hypersexuality, avoidance, trust issues, or even behaviors we develop just to cope.
✨ Sexual abuse in childhood and the ripple effect it has on intimacy and relationships
💔 Abandonment issues that can make us either clingy AF or totally avoidant
🩹 The “small traumas” that quietly shape how we see ourselves and the world
👯♀️ Growing up as “the fat friend” and how those body image wounds stick around
🧠 When undiagnosed ADHD (and other conditions) get mislabeled as flaws
🛋️ The game-changing role therapy plays in actually healing instead of numbing
🔥 Turning trauma into fuel — creating purpose, art, and ways to help others
🌱 Breaking generational cycles so our kids don’t carry the same weight we did
⚡ Taking your power back by facing it head-on instead of running from it
😂 Using humor as survival — and a way to rewrite the story on our own terms
Stay Connected:
📲 Follow us on Instagram: @maximalistlifepodcast
🎙️ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify – it helps us so much!
trauma dump trauma dump dumpsters is that what we are? Trauma dumpsters. Trauma dump truck.
Speaker 1:Dump truck bunts what you're saying, words I hate when people talk, but I hate when people talk and they just say words. You know, do I talk about this all the time like we just see people or we watch people on tiktok and they just like are saying words what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, like what be like oh, I mean you and I talked about this before too when people talk about chemicals, oh, don't talk to me about, forget about the flaxseed in the flower on the farm. And we're like what? What the fuck are you saying? Are you, who are you?
Speaker 2:talking to. Yeah, this serum was made from a goat's pussy.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I mean that would be easier. Goat's pussy, but instead it's like the goat's ovarian glands, Inside that there's this vein, and then they suck the juice out of the vein and I'm just like you're just fucking saying some bullshit.
Speaker 2:Don't ever tell me that that's not going to make me want to buy it. No, buy it oh.
Speaker 1:It to buy it no, buy it. Oh god, sometimes I hate everyone and then sometimes I really like people.
Speaker 2:I can't decide when that happens you just wake up and that's what it is. Yeah you don't ever know what you're gonna get. That's the fun part about me. Yeah, yeah, I fucking hate you or I fucking like you. Yeah, I'll be so nice and so fun, or a bitch, oh god I don't want to have to be such a bitch. I don't think I'm a bitch, yeah usually no, you're a nice person. The way you say you're a nice person.
Speaker 1:Yeah and it's not really like you're being a bitch outwardly, it's like you're just irritated because I don't know. You just get overwhelmed.
Speaker 2:I get overwhelmed and I just shut down and I go.
Speaker 1:I'm not talking to you yeah, or you just like the way you say things and you're just like all right, a little snappy, she's. She's getting overwhelmed, she's done, so let her go. Do you need a disco ball? We have a new disco ball behind us, a gumball machine with disco balls in it, but I don't know if it really works I don't think so because some of the balls too big well, these ones are smaller maybe they're not at the bottom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, okay, so welcome to maximalist life she's brianna, I'm tamika.
Speaker 1:Oh, we're here to have fun. Except for today's, a trauma trauma dump day. Uh god, I hate, hate trauma. I love it yeah.
Speaker 2:My favorite thing when I am talking to someone from a dating app. I just you love to talk about your trauma.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:What's your, what was your worst childhood trauma? Oh my God, that's what you ask them. Let's go into that. That's what you ask them. Mm-hmm, sometimes it depends on how I'm feeling. Sometimes I go, sometimes I go. You know, I don't really want to sit here and ask how your weekend was like. Let's just let's go straight into it. What was your childhood like? Tell me and you know that always usually gets a response because sometimes you go oh so nice, how I'm glad we matched. How was your weekend so far?
Speaker 1:I hate that too and they just they don't respond. That's why I didn't really do well on the bubble bff because I don't really care about your weekend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I need like.
Speaker 1:I need people to ask me, like some hard-hitting questions right off the bat, so I'm like interested in you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I go.
Speaker 1:oh, this person's interesting yeah yeah, I want to know, like the weird, what makes you tick.
Speaker 2:Don't send me a message. You go are you an introvert or an extrovert? Okay, I'm, I could just give a one word answer to that.
Speaker 1:That's so stupid. Like you just say it and then you're like okay, well, now what you're gonna do now what, yeah, what you oh god, I know.
Speaker 2:so you have to be creative. So I just want to know also, because with guys too, a lot of times I want to know, like I will weave into conversations in the very beginning, um, trying to find out what their relationship is like with their mom, because I feel like that tells me a lot about their trauma and then it tells me a lot about, like, maybe, how they treat women, because for the most part that I have seen, the ones who have really good relationships with their moms are typically the nicer ones and the ones who have abandonment issues or they don't talk to their mom for whatever reason, those are the ones I have I have personally had the shittiest experiences with I can't, of course, that's probably very general, but just the experiences I've have had.
Speaker 2:That's what's been the case, yeah, but I guess you say that about me too. I have abandonment issues with my dad and I think every guy is just gonna leave, so I go. Well, I don't really trust you. It's like there's always this underlying level of distrust where I go. You're either gonna leave, or you're gonna step out on the relationship, or you're gonna do something shady.
Speaker 1:I just know it just because you're a guy, which is fucked up like, yeah, but I both of your past marriages, that's what happened. Yeah, that is what happened. So it's like how could you not like kind of believe that?
Speaker 2:So yeah, because it was like you know, I had, I had no father figure. Well, I shouldn't say that my grandpa was like my, but yeah, my actual dad never in my life. And out of, just out of choice, he just didn't want to be a dad, so he just left. And then, yeah, then my first husband, that whole situation, then my second husband, an even bigger infidelity situation.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of is it's kind of tough yeah, so so you had some PTSD over that and I think, too, it's hard for me to like. I remember telling, I remember like when my grandma died I even because I was like I feel like my grandparents' relationship. I was like, oh, like that's the only really like positive, like marriage I ever experienced in my life where I could see. And then she died and I was like, and I remember saying like because I was having like a freak out to my ex-husband about his whole situation, because it's all at the same time right. And I remember saying I was like every single person they either fucking leave or the people who don't leave, and then they have this great marriage and then they just fucking die, so they leave anyway. And I was just like, why even bother? And he was just like yikes. And I'm like that's just how I feel, like why even fucking bother so tough.
Speaker 1:Yeah and that's such a hard, you know, situation to be in, to feel just like all these men failed you, and so then, how could you even move on with one or trust anyone to like. Treat you well, treat you how you should be treated, grow with you, experience this life with you Like you're. Just like I should do it on my own, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it sucks and I never want to like you, never want to bring your past traumas or relationship issues just in general into future relationships, and so it's really hard and I try to keep an open mind about people and I.
Speaker 2:But I know, like I know, that it's there in my mind and I think at this point it's more of I I for sure have more of an avoidant attachment style If I I for sure, have more of an avoidant attachment style, if I I mean, I would like to think that I mostly secure attachment at this point because of all of the like work that I've tried to do and the therapy and everything. But I would say I'm I. Before that I was definitely avoidant and I think it's because in my head I I just go like, well, I'm just going to detach before I even like I'm not going to let you hurt me, I just don't even give a fuck about you. Yeah, and that has been a problem in my, because that's just always how I've been.
Speaker 2:I mean, that was a huge problem in my first marriage was like he actually was so like loving and he always wanted to like talk about his feelings and I was like I can't even do, I can't do this with you, like this isn't your, it's too much, and I like I have to be like at arm's length and it was like why are you like? Why? Why can't you just right, let me in? And I'm like no, it's fine, it's fine, you don't have to do that. Yeah, oh, I'm like the opposite.
Speaker 1:I know you are. Yeah, I. I'm like just like love me, like fulfill my hole constantly, not your hole, um, and just be just with me constantly. My new thing with Drew is I text him like throughout my work day and he's going. You're just really not paying attention to me. I just feel like you're not really thinking about me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah what do you want me still? Yeah, what's happening? I don't know what's going on. Oh my god.
Speaker 1:I can't with you. Are you thinking about me? Oh, my god, and that's to me this thing too. She always goes are you guys missing me? Yeah, of course, yeah, yeah, of course. Um, yeah, I think for me. I just you know, you do the, you do whatever is just like right, like you feel is right. So people like they say, like people that have like been sexually abused or raped or whatever, you either just go hyper sexual or you like can't have sex at all.
Speaker 1:There's usually nothing like in the middle. You know, um, I mean I'm generalizing that too, but I think that all my trauma has like built me to. I mean I think I have both, a little bit of both. I attach and then I'm there, but I also think that I do keep people at like eh, if you're not in my circle, like I don't really fuck with you. Yeah, so like I kind of do a little bit of both, but for the most part I'm trying to like love everyone and bring everyone into my group and like love on them and stuff like that. But I do feel like you know, throughout life, if I don't really like your weirdness, it's like eh, just stay over there.
Speaker 2:I feel like for you. Yeah, it's like a yeah kind of like how you worded it, like we're not really in the circle. Yeah, then you're pretty far away from me still, yeah.
Speaker 1:I just can't.
Speaker 2:You're in or you're out? Yeah, because I just need you to be regular and it takes a really long time for someone to get in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you're not regular too, like don't be too much and don't be too little, don't be so boring, yeah, but also just like we're all just chilling I think that's my biggest thing is we're all just hanging out, like you don't have to be like dramatic, it doesn't have to be this whole thing, like we're all just trying to spend time away from work and relax. Yeah, you know. So just make it easy on everyone, yeah, please you know, don't bring your shit here I can't.
Speaker 1:I mean we talk about stuff, but it's just like it's too much. Yeah, just be chill or whatever.
Speaker 2:So. So I mean we're saying about the sexual abuse thing. So you would say you went on the hypersexual side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think too, part of it was that, uh, I didn't have which you know, I don't know, it's such a, it's so complex, the my trauma, it like uh, over the years I've like seen things and like like I think over in the last year, with Drew and I talking, I realized that like technically, my stepdad who molested me, he was like my first boyfriend. Like, if we're like completely honest about everything, like Drew and I have talked about this, like he like brought me through all these sexual experiences and like I can't say that there weren't times that I didn't like it, like I liked it you know I was 12, you know 11, 10.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that it was supposed to be different. Like I mean, I knew that it wasn't right but, like you know, you're groomed to, like you know, do all these things or whatever.
Speaker 2:Well, and it's this person that you trust, yeah, so you're like well, it must not be too bad, cause this is like someone that's is I'm supposed to like trust them and they're like my parent and it has it happened as I.
Speaker 1:My earliest recollection so I don't really know, yeah is because I mean he was married to my mom from when I was like five or something. Uh, yeah, from when I was about five or six or something like that. My earliest recollection of it happening was second grade. Jesus Christ, all the way till seventh grade, so that's eight years old. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:That's so fucking disgusting.
Speaker 1:No, seventh grade, second, oh, second, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Till like 13. Yeah, ugh, yeah, that's so gross.
Speaker 1:Like, yeah, that's just so. First second grades yeah, yeah, that's just first second grades. Yeah, I don't know how to wrap my head around stuff. Like yeah, so it's kind of weird. So, like for me and because, like my dad, I have abandonment issues for my dad as well like I wanted boys to like I wanted them to really like me, to really love me. I wanted like attention from boys. Like it wasn't necessarily like that I wanted to have sex with all these boys, yeah, but I definitely went to where, like I wanted to go to the line and like talk about it and like you know all that. And then sometimes I would get scared and sometimes I would be like oh, I don't really want to do this, or sometimes I would just go all the way.
Speaker 1:But I definitely wanted all the attention because I was like this is what I need you know, so I mean that is kind of I think that's kind of how I kind of run my life now, like I need all of Drew's attention and I need you know, and he like fills that hole for me, he fills all my holes. Not my butthole though.
Speaker 2:He won't do my butthole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so he's just not interested so yeah time, yeah next husband uh-huh, um.
Speaker 1:so, yeah, I mean you know the trauma thing, so I mean so there's small things that I've realized along the way, like yeah, he was like my boyfriend, which is so sick, it's so disgusting, right, um, but and so all of these first experiences that I had, like these first sexual experiences, are all with him, and so I have to, like I remember all those, like your first orgasm, or the first time you like touched a penis, or the first time someone touched you, it's you're literally your stepdad.
Speaker 1:I mean we would take showers together Like so, like all that. And you know, it's funny because I'm so like strong-willed now and like people treating me right or me telling people like how they should be treated, like I can't even imagine how broken I was like young to let someone like groom me and do that stuff to me. So it's just like kind of crazy to think of myself in that like such this mild kid, and I just remember like really being so unhappy as a child and it was because that was happening in the background. Yeah, like I mean, how could you not be unhappy? Yeah, this would go on for. Like I mean, this went on for like my whole childhood basically.
Speaker 1:So I think that and then you know my, your mind tricks yourself too. I really didn't want to say anything, that he was doing it because he was a good dad to my brothers, and so I that like kind of left me in this weird thing and in a weird way I liked him being around and so you're so conflicted and you're in a kid's brain. I mean, think about that too is like when it finally stopped, I was going through puberty. So I like all those hormones and all these thinkings and, like you know, we always say that the middle school kids are crazy because their hormones are just on fire, you know. And so I think that in a in itself is just, like you know, kind of crazy.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, do you feel like it? I mean, do you feel like it, do you feel like part of? That is why now you are so like strong willed and very, uh, adamant about like how people treat you and then being really vocal about how others should be treating each other or letting people treat them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do. I think that, um, the hard thing too with all that is, my mom is an immigrant and so she kind of came here and didn't really know. I mean, once I told my mom she, you know, you hear stories where they just say like no, or whatever my mom asked me one time are you sure this happened?
Speaker 1:I said yes and she instantly like took care of it. It was like okay, like we going to do this and this and this. Lucky for me, like the story is that I told so. Here's the weird thing too, cause I was also like a kid he's like molesting me or whatever. I knew that pretty soon we would probably start having sex. I knew it was like getting to that point, but also I kind of was starting to be a bad kid too, because all these things were happening and I'm trying to find like this community and I'm kind of like getting in a little bit with the wrong crowd or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because the at home stuff is so shitty. There was this party I wanted to go to and he said I couldn't go to the party, and so I was like, all right, you literally just like finger me and I have to like jack you off and like do all these things and you're like I can't do what I want to do, go fuck yourself. So I think that was like my first time where I had like the guts to do something else, and so then I was like all right, I'm going to tell on you. So really, I told a friend and she told her parents and then her parents were like we have to tell your mom that this is happening, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I was like, all right, fine, fuck it, it. And so I got a little like gangster in me and I was like, all right, just say it. Yeah, just let's say it out loud. At this point it's getting to a point where it's gonna be like a really horrible thing.
Speaker 2:I mean not that it wasn't horrible, yeah.
Speaker 1:So then my friend, I was like, okay, but I can't tell my mom, like I can't literally say the words out loud, you know. And so she like called my mom and can't tell my mom, like I can't literally say the words out loud, you know. And so she like called my mom and children and then my mom got on the phone with me and she was like coming home from work or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, it happened. And she was like, are you sure it's not because you want to go to this party that you're saying this? And I go, yeah, it is Cause I want to go to that party, but also, this is happening, right. She's like, all right, I'll come get you, we're gonna call. So he was in the military here. So she, he was at home at our house, I was at my friend's house, and then she just called like his sergeant or whatever, and we had like a, because we had a gun in the house at that point. And so he was like, okay, don't go home.
Speaker 1:When he comes into work tomorrow, we'll arrest him. But like you have to take her to go get examined, you have to take photos, like I had to do the whole fucking thing. Yeah, I had so, right before that happened, my mom's like on her way from work to come get me from my friend's house. I'm like throwing up, I'm having like anxiety attacks, like okay, this is really happening. Fuck, like this is awful right. So I have to go to the hospital. They take all these photos, all this stuff.
Speaker 1:So then Fairfield PD is like, hey, we can't really do much, like I mean, as far as prosecuting, like there's not really any evidence, you know, because, like you know, I was still a virgin, like all this stuff, and no one had seen us or caught or any caught us or anything. So the military was like, oh, we'll take care of it, no problem, damn. So they're like all right. And so I had to like meet with the lawyers and we had to do this whole court case, the whole thing. And so, like they're like, okay, you have to testify.
Speaker 1:And then, yeah, they asked me like are you sure you're not lying, because you want to go to this party? And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I wanted to go to this party and, yeah, maybe I was like saying it because like I wanted him to get in trouble, but this is how this happened all these years, you know, and they're like okay. And so I remember it was like an. I was like an eighth grade and, uh, we were supposed my mom was supposed to come pick me up from school and go and like testify or whatever. And my friend, was supposed to testify too.
Speaker 1:And then like pick me up from school and go and like testify or whatever, and my friend was supposed to testify too. And then like she never picked me up and then I was like what happened? And then the lawyer called and was like oh he like pleaded guilty, so you get seven years um in the military jail or whatever. And so he went away like right.
Speaker 2:Then he just like was gone yeah, which is a whole other thing on its own, because now your family's broken up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so like my mom's, like this immigrant mom that like didn't have like a really good job. She doesn't have an education really. Yeah, I mean she has high school education but uh, she didn't sound like she had a college degree and I feel like then you really needed one, I feel like to get the better jobs or whatever.
Speaker 1:And then she, you know, at that point I'm in eighth grade, uh, and so what? I'm 12, christian's six and Giovanni's three, and so now she has these three kids and if we don't have any family in town, really, um, so now she's just like going to work full-time and she commuted to work like she would work in like Concord and Walnut Creek, and really our stepdad would be here because he just worked on the base and we live in. Fairfield, and so now we're just like on our own.
Speaker 2:Did you feel I was interviewing you? Oh yeah, Did you feel like guilty about it?
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, I don't think that I felt guilt, so much guilt after the fact. Yeah, I had so much guilt leading up to it. But at that point I started to go to therapy. Like at that point the military was like, okay, you're just like, you're just gonna put her in therapy and then you know. And so then they started to explain things to me more on like why he did it.
Speaker 1:Like they like explained like he was probably something sexually happened to him at your age, and then he just thinks it's okay, like they're trying to like talk to me about this, like in a very childish, like you know, cause I'm really young at that point. And so then they're like you know, you have PTSD and like because I was doing like avoidance things and I would like you know I was so unhappy and stuff like that. But uh, so I didn't really have a lot of guilt after that, Like once he went to jail I thought like that's what was supposed to happen. And I think, too, like the realization of like he was going to start to have sex with me, Like we were going to start having sex Like for sure.
Speaker 1:Because at the end there I remember there was like a couple showers and I was just like this is getting like like we were never really naked together, like when he was molesting me like younger, and then all the way up, but at the point where he was like telling me to take showers with him, it happened like two or three times. I was just like this is getting like really really, really like serious Weird.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so I kind of recognized that a little bit and then I was just like okay well, that's too much now.
Speaker 2:Now you're like this really is not.
Speaker 1:And I was starting to really get into boys and I was thinking like, hmm, this is different, this is not supposed to be like this. Yeah, and it was getting me a little bit like in the world of like, oh okay, you're supposed to have like a boyfriend, not in your house. You're not supposed to date your dad Makes more sense, yeah. So I, you know, I think my brain was starting to pick up on the thing. So, yeah, I never felt guilty after the fact, like I just always just like hated his guts. His family and his friends kind of treated us like shit after, like they I don't know, I don't know if they believed that that happened, right, um, and the weird thing is everyone that knew him before that, or like kids in the neighborhood, when they I had told them that it happened or whatever, they were like, yeah, I mean, my parents thought that there was something wrong with him and like my dad was stationed with him in Spain and they said, and so my dad was kind of like, yeah, I kind of thought like something was wrong and I was like, oh, it's funny, you thought that and then you let your daughter just like be with him and you thought like okay, cool, thanks, yeah. So I mean, that was weird. And then we struggled for a long time Like we didn't have money. Thank God for my grandparents that helped us. And you know, my mom the like, well, everything turned out great, so like it's fine. Yeah, yeah, she loves to live in that, which I mean it is what it is. Yeah, it is what it is.
Speaker 1:I recently, like in the last three years or something, uh, my younger brother and I never really had like a really candid conversation about it and he was like I mean, do you need to go to like family therapy with us? Is it something that you want to talk to us about? Like the thing about him is he was so young, like he doesn't remember anything. So he was like oh, whatever, my dad. So, and then the other kind of layer to it, too, was that they would go visit their dad when he got out.
Speaker 1:My, my middle brother, I think, has always, because he remembers him as being like this good dad. We've kind of got into it a little bit, because more of like, I'm so hurt that he would go see him, but for him I think he wants to see the family that's out there and that's like. So it's just like it's a really weird, it's really complicated. They don't see him anymore. They did one last time and then they were just like I don't know why I'm doing this and like they've seen him like maybe five times total since. Like he went away.
Speaker 1:You know when christian was like in first grade they've seen him like maybe five times, but he would try to come out here. I mean he tried to get full custody of my brothers. When he got out that's hilarious, yeah. So that happened and like before, so he came, he got. He only did four years. He was able to get on parole for three. The year before he was supposed to get off parole he was like I want to get full custody.
Speaker 1:Not that my mom wasn't being a good mom, but she was working all these jobs. My mom a little bit got addicted to going to bingo, so she would go bingo every night and then she expected me to watch the kids. And then I just really I was 16, 17 and I just didn't really like I was like 15, 16. And I also would just leave. I mean, I just was like still going through all this bullshit. I never really tackled all of it. And then I'm like I'm supposed to stay home and watch these kids all the time and I would just leave. And so the boys were just kind of on their own, you know, some nights not every night, but yeah we were. We were all kind of just like on our own, you know. So he thought like he should come here and get custody of the boys or whatever, right, but he's not. It wasn't a lot. He's not allowed to be around me ever, right. So and his parole officer called us and was like, hey, like he's going to go down there and go to the courts and try to do this, all these things. And so my mom had no idea, like, what to do. So I have to go to this court date. Oh great, right. And Drew comes.
Speaker 1:At that point I'm with Drew, so Drew's with me. We hadn't had Tamia yet or anything. He comes down here and he files for to get custody. His dad serves the papers to my mom, but she's not home. So I open the door, his dad's there and I'm like what the fuck are you doing here? And so then he's like he gives me like the paper or whatever he doesn't really speak good english and I'm like, get the fuck out of here, your son is a fucking molester. Like you're trying to get custody of my brothers, you idiot. And so I'm screaming, so I'm freaking out. So we have to go to court date.
Speaker 1:But like I'm also 15, I don't know what the fuck the court's, how this court system works. My mom has no fucking clue. So I was like, okay, we're just gonna go. Yeah, so we go on the day drew's with us, drew keeps the like. We don't know if we're supposed to bring the boys, what are we supposed to do? Like we have no clue and I don't know. We didn't go down to the court. You know how you can talk to the people at the court, like if you don't have a lot of money, and they give you advice, like free advice, and they'll tell you like okay, this is how the proceeding goes, like you know. But we didn't do that, I didn't know, we didn't know right.
Speaker 1:So Drew's outside with the boys or whatever, and then I go in full on panic attack when I see him.
Speaker 1:At that point, I haven't seen him you know, in five years, and then his friends there and his friend we used to be really good friends with them and he was like, yeah, like oh, forgiveness, blah, blah. He was like talking and I was like, oh, yeah, I hope that that is what happens If anyone molest your granddaughter or something that you feel like you can give forgiveness as well. And I was like you know, he molested me like in your house. Yeah, what? Yeah, we would go to their house on weekends and he would molest me in your house and they just still continue to be friends with him. And I'm just like you guys are sick. So you know that happened to. He didn't get custody of my brothers, obviously, yeah, uh, idiot. And so then he would try to come.
Speaker 1:Like at that point too, my mom like saw him in the parking lot, like I went to drew and the boys and my mom like talked to him and she's like what the fuck are you doing? And he was like well, I just thought I could cuss you. And she's like fucking, drop this. And he's like all right, I'll drop it. And then he was like can I go to their games? Yes, and he was like you're not, tamika's gonna be there and you're not allowed near her. Yeah, so you can't go.
Speaker 1:So he would come and then take him to baseball games and like I mean, like I said, he probably they've probably seen him five times ever since Christian was six and he's 33 now or whatever. So, uh, that was kind of a little conflict for Christian and I to kind of navigate through. Yeah, but you know it, everyone has their own story and whatever. And I know my brother loves me and stuff, and I just kind of like you know it is what it's saying with my mom, like everyone like deals with everything in their own way and it's hard to judge them and how they deal with it. You can only, I can only tell them like well, it hurts my feelings that you do this or whatever. So it kind of is what it is with the, with the rest of the family, and dealing with that yeah, yeah, it's just like so layered.
Speaker 2:There's just many, so many aspects to it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially when it's like that's her dad, right, you know. And so like I do a lot of joking about it and so I and I just kind of like if they're there, they're there, you know, and like that's just kind of how I deal with my trauma a little bit. It's like I'll just joke Like I was just making jokes about the other day and Christian's there and I don't know if he wants to laugh or wants to die.
Speaker 2:He's like what's happening?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it it just is what it is, you know, and I think for me that makes me feel better. You know, I had a friend that, um, she recently talked to me about this, about when she went to therapy. It's like she said for her, like you know, thinking about all that stuff, this is how it was for me too, like I would have a panic attacks or anxiety, think about it. But her therapist said put it on the shelf, it's just there. Yeah, it doesn't like have to affect you in that way, all this stuff. And so I think for me, the joking or just like being able to make comments about it, is me just like it's there and it's okay. I don't know if you'll ever feel okay, okay, yeah, there will always be a hole for me, there'll always be pain there.
Speaker 2:You know all that stuff, uh, and so, but if it sits there and I see it, it's better than just completely hiding it constantly all the time yeah, that takes more work, like oh yeah, and then you're just like stuffing it down and trying to think about it and then yeah, yeah, but if it's there and you're just like you can acknowledge it, and that's the thing too, I think like you have to face your.
Speaker 2:You have to like face it and admit that you have had these traumas in order to like get through it, yeah, and to like kind of go not get over it, obviously, but like get to the other side of it at least. And I think that is where a lot of people struggle, because they don't want to face it. It's so much harder, it's so much more work to face it and to talk about it or to go to therapy about it and do all that, and you're bringing up all these things that you're like I just don't want to think about it, but in the long run you can like get to the other side and then also it helps you to take some of that stuff and like could even turn it into like something more positive, yeah, for yourself yeah, I think too.
Speaker 1:I still am in avoidance of it like I still there's still times when I feel like it still affects me in some ways. But I think over the years especially with Drew, I think that's the thing is Drew's helped me so much with it is in especially trusting men and seeing like what really dad should be and husband should be and all that stuff Um, I think like finding weird little discoveries, like I just and maybe it would happen if I just would go to like therapy for a long period of time I just don't have the capacity to like live my life like that right now.
Speaker 1:But like where, I'm like when we're talking about sexual experiences and I'm like damn my sexual experiences. My first ones were with my fucking stepdad.
Speaker 1:That's so weird, that's why I like freak out. Like for a long time when Drew and I were together, I didn't want to have sex at night because it would freak me out, and I didn't really want because when it was happening it was like it was like first touches me, and so I felt like in the dark, close your eyes and then first touch. You know that's like bringing me back, and so I kind of hate that.
Speaker 1:You know, I hated that and so I really had to get over that and like be like this is okay, but then it's like okay, like so. Then I think I was looking and kind of treating sex Like this is just like a chore you're supposed to do, cause we have to do it in the morning, and it's like surrounded by all this like anxiety and all this stuff, and I hated it.
Speaker 2:Like I.
Speaker 1:I had to like take it back for myself and want where, because I think what's happened? What happened was I was not supposed to like or want those orgasms that he was giving me. So then I had to make it so like you don't want to have sex and you don't want to do that because you're not supposed to. And I think I brought that into my life later on because I was ashamed that I liked it. And so then it's like oh, I'm not supposed to, it's sex not for me, it's bad. And so then I had to like figure out that it's not and it's okay to want things and have desires and all that kind of stuff, because you know you're human.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, but because of the way that sex was brought up for me, it really, I think, stunted me, and then also I was hyper aware of sex and stuff. That's why I had sex when I was 13. And I was like, yeah, I'll have sex with all these damn boys, no problem, or I'll do whatever, who cares? It wasn't a big deal for me, yeah. But then when my trauma came back to me, I was like, oh, I don't want to do any of these things you can't do this now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, scary, scary, scary. Yeah, well, and maybe too, because you were like having sex with these these guys or boys, boys who were didn't really mean anything to you where then, when it became a situation with Drew, it's like, okay, this is a person who I trust. Yeah, that's where the trauma lies, because it's this person that I am supposed to trust, and it's in my home now and it's like that's where it kind of so you have to. Yeah, so you had to really like face it and figure out, like, okay, how can I, how can we get through this and how can I like, like you said, just like, take the power back yes and be like I want this to be something that's positive in my life.
Speaker 2:I want to. I want to have sex with my husband yeah and not feel like guilty about it or scared I think too.
Speaker 1:That's why I make jokes about it. That's giving me power over it I can make it. So it's not this sad time in my. It's not so fucking sad all the time like yeah, that was a sad time in my life then, but now it's just like yeah, it it happens to me, I want to laugh a lot, so I'm going to laugh about it, you know. And so it gives you some control, because you had no control over it before.
Speaker 2:For sure, yeah, yeah, I know, I think like there's also, and it's hard too, because, like, when people talk about trauma or they specifically talk about like childhood trauma or something like so see, I don't, you know, sometimes I want to say stuff and then I was like I don't want to throw people under the bus, yeah, but like my mom is kind of one of those people who's just like what kind of like, what kind of trauma did you really have in your life? And it's like people think it's like this, like this, like it has to be this huge thing, like what you went through or where it's. It's like these traumas you can go through. Sometimes they're small things yeah, they're not huge, like life altering traumatic events.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's these little, tiny things that just eat away yeah, they change your thinking or your brain totally, and so it could even be that. And so sometimes people go like, oh, I didn't have an, I didn't have any trauma, I've never, I've never gone through any trauma. I'm like that's, that can't be true. Yeah that can't be true. Your life is just perfect. There's no way, yeah there's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't get that I get that like yes, some people have very good childhoods and whatever. But I don't know. There's some things like I mean, even as simple as I like I think I have mentioned this before where and I mentioned this one time to my therapist like very casually I don't even know what we were talking about and she was just like wait, why haven't we never talked about this? This, like this is like a whole thing that we never discussed was like just I felt like my whole life it was always like I was like the fat person, like, oh, I'm the fat friend, I'm the fat sister, because my sister's always like thin and tall and I'm just like this short potato and I'm just a potato sister, and so it was always just like I mean, you did say you're the big potato to that guy. I did tell him I was a big potato. Oh god, I have to tell you the update about him and there's nothing.
Speaker 2:Really, I don't want to talk to him ever oh, okay, he's so embarrassing, okay, but, um, yeah, but that was always a thing that it was just like. Again, it wasn't. I mean, I feel like there were bigger to me, they were bigger deals, like like I remember, remember in high school like I really liked this guy and then I was just like, oh, I don't know if he likes me back or whatever, and then I overheard him saying something to his friend and saying like he would like me if I wasn't so fat. Aw, and of course, you're like a teenager, so you're just like, ah, it just seems like this whole like traumatic thing Like, oh, are just like.
Speaker 2:It just seems like this whole like traumatic thing, like, oh, my god, this person thinks I'm fat and it's like this whole whatever, where, like it would also just be these like little things like I think I mentioned this before, maybe on the podcast too where, like I would just be shopping with like someone in my family and then I would try on something or I'd point out something they'd be like that would look so good on your sister because she's so tall and skinny oh my god, and I'm like oh yeah, wouldn't look good on me, right, because I'm so fat, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so it was just, and I feel like, too, like I had my friends, like my really close friends in like elementary school, middle school, high school were always like skinnier than me, and so I was always like I'm the funny friend. It was like you can be the funny, you're the funny friend, but you're not like the cute friend. And so it was like, oh yeah, like we was. You know, if we're like talking about, oh, we're like hanging out, and there's all these guys or something, it's like already I already know like, well, none of them are gonna like me, because I'm just like the funny friend, and then that becomes like your whole personality. Yeah yeah, you have to be funny, because what else are you?
Speaker 1:Well, I think that that comes, that goes into being like too much, like standing out in different ways maybe that you don't want to stand out in, but you feel forced to fill that gap because that's like the only way that you can and that's tough.
Speaker 2:And that's tough. And I remember I read on some guy's dating bio which I mean I thought it was really funny, but I also related to it and he was like. He said something like I have a really good personality because growing up I was the ugly duckling and I was like, oh my God, so true.
Speaker 2:You like you have to, you have to have something, because you're just like well, I can't just be like the fat friend and I'm not like the smart one or the funny one or so you have to like heavily lean into whatever my other thing could be to stand out, like you said yeah, and so I feel like a lot of that affected me growing up, like dating or even just like, yeah, where even in my younger twenties I was just like I wasn't fat at all, but then I'm just like, well, everyone says I'm I, everyone always said that I was, or like I was always a fat friend, or, and then it's just like.
Speaker 2:You get this like I don't want to say I don't think people overuse the term body dysmorphia. I think that that's actually a really serious like thing and I think people love to say it when really sometimes they don't actually have that. They just have insecurities, um, and so I think I just had insecurities about what I looked like or whatever. But yeah, it's like even in your like you could like lose all this weight and all this stuff, where, like even now I'm, it's like I feel like, oh, I look so much better now that I've lost weight and all this stuff and I feel better, but then still like, oh, I'm not having sex with the lights on, you can't look at me or I don't even go back into your head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no you can't and that's what we actually. Uh, it's actually something we me and it's for Monday. We always joke about how I always want to light up and he always jokes like, yeah, you just wanted to be like pitch black in here. I'm like, yeah, actually he just wore a mask just cover your whole face. And he's like, yeah, and so he'll joke back like yeah, you don't want to see me, like as if I didn't want to see him. But he knows what I mean. And, um, yeah, because even after like, oh, like I'm gonna hop in the shower or this, because I just have glass doors on my shower so you could just see me in there and so I'm not turning the light on. I'll take a shot in the fucking dark, like you know, I just have to dim it. And he's just like it's always just so dark in here and cold, because I like the air just blasting and he's like it's just freezing, fucking dungeon like we're just, we're in, like a little cave.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what are we doing? I know, and so I think it's just like it's still in my head where I go, I don't know, I don't know, I can't yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, I had mentioned like something about it to um, to my therapist, and she was just like we never even I didn't know all that Like we never even talked about stuff like that, and she's like that's a whole thing and so we didn't really like go into it. But, um, it's hard to, because in people, like, if someone makes like a comment that isn't even even, isn't even meant, like they don't even mean it in any, but you take it the wrong way because you're so like hyper aware of like does anyone see how fat I am?
Speaker 2:Or just whatever, like it can be literally anything that these things just like they come and get you if you don't like face it, just like they come and get you if you don't like face it, and I think it's um too like.
Speaker 2:I think that is also why a lot of this stuff I think that maybe both of us have gone through it's like. I think it shows in our work, like what we do, because we I don't know, it's like we have women that come in and then we know that, like most of our clients are really like self-conscious or they have like a lot of times they'll write on like their contact form, like you know, I just got out of this like abusive relationship and so my self-worth is really like in the shit and like you know and so doing like coming in and they do a photo shoot or they have this whole thing, and's like we give them this safe space to just be yourself and kind of just celebrate like who you are, what you look like, all these things, and it's like none of the other stuff is entering the door when you come in, you know or it's like you're doing all this in the face of that kind of a thing, like you said, like taking your power back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I actually feel really good about myself and all you know. It's just it's.
Speaker 2:I think it's just so complex all the stuff that people go through in their, their life and I think some people don't realize, um, like, some people don't even realize that they have have trauma. Um, like some people don't even realize that they have trauma. Yeah, for sure, my um ex-husband all the stuff that kind of like I guess you could say came out like stuff that I didn't know about him and his childhood, that kind of we discussed in therapy. After all of the shit came out that he did, um, I was like God, you have a pretty traumatic childhood actually, and he refused to believe that.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's probably typical for men, though, right I'm? Sure that like they're like well, I mean, I just had the upbringing that I had. It wasn't like, yeah, you know. And then, or even if they did have something bad happen, they're just like, yeah, it's fine. Yeah, I'm not crying about it. Yeah, I mean, drew should be in intense therapy.
Speaker 1:I think Okay, okay, but he just like, is okay and he kind of like lives in that and it's like, okay, what are you going to do, you know? But yeah, that's probably really common for men.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really common for men though. Yeah, I mean I, I can imagine. Um, I don't understand really how drew uh hasn't ended up in like a mental facility, but, um, because just of all this stuff and I obviously, like I know one percent of yeah, not even, yeah, even yeah.
Speaker 1:I wonder how he stays so strong for, like me and I think it is his, like his emotional intelligence and it being so high, that's why he can deal with me and that's why he can, like, help me through everything, because he literally sees it, I mean yeah, and then can ask the questions that he needs to ask to get me to understand what's happening. Right, like, so fucking quickly too. He can recognize it and maybe it's just me, like he can just do that with me because he knows me so well. But I think that then he can do that for himself that quick too, and I think for him he's just like I mean, I think I do this a lot too it's over and done with.
Speaker 1:We just have to like move on and it's over and done with and like okay, and I and I use that a lot and I do understand the mentality, but if it's really affecting you and you see it, then you have you, can't you? Obviously you're not like getting over it. Yeah, yeah, right, like, if you're seeing that it's like affecting you in weird ways in your relationships, with your friendships, you know, in your work, or like it's like you feel like you can't even get out of bed or you feel like all these things, or you're using drugs and alcohol, or you know you can't work, or whatever you have to like find therapy, you gotta do something, even just group therapy.
Speaker 1:If you can't afford regular therapy, you know you got to find some ways.
Speaker 2:I mean, they even have little apps now that aren't even like individual therapy things. Yeah. I mean they have that too, but ones that are so much more affordable and you can like kind of go through and get like advice and read articles.
Speaker 1:There's like all the self-help books too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean there's just so many things that you can do for the like personal development portion of your life. I know, I know, and it's just like, like I said, there's small traumas, like what I was talking about, or there's big ones.
Speaker 1:I don't think that you know anyone that like has not such a dramatic thing that you know happened to them like as my dramatic thing, you know and I downplay the dramatic of my thing too, because I know other people have gone through shit or they've gone through worse, where their dad was raping them or like think about like stuff, like that yeah, yeah and so like I just think that, yeah, I mean I look at my kids sometimes and I go nothing happened to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I yelled at you a little, probably too much, and I was probably like yelling abusive to you, but I'm like you weren't molested. Your parents were, were addicts. Like get over yourself.
Speaker 1:Pull it together, I know, and it's hard Like but I still sent my daughter to therapy because she said she needed it and I still, you know, validate her feelings and all that stuff. But yeah, sometimes I do think like when you tell me your life story and there's nothing, and then you're more complaining than me or you're like you can't get through it, I'm just like I don't know how you function. I don't want to say like why can't you get through it, I just want to go. I don't know why you, like, can't function better.
Speaker 2:It's hard when you have gone through something traumatic and you come out on the other side and then other people are still on in. You know you're at the finish line and they're at the beginning and you're like come on, just run faster.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like when your friend reads your book or whatever reads the same book, but then they're like slower, you know. And then you're just like what the hell I know?
Speaker 2:It's hard Like well I know, and it's interesting to actually not thinking about with my therapist in the beginning, cause my whole therapy was revolved around my ex-husband.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That was the whole thing. That was for like months. That was all we could talk about. I mean, she would try to go into other things and it would suck.
Speaker 2:Right, I would suck back myself into this like hole of no, I need to talk about this, because it was just all consuming at the time. And, um, as we would talk about things, or she would ask about this or that and cause she would say like well, what other other like, what other kind of like traumatic things have you gone through in your life? And I remember this was like in the beginning I was just like nothing, like I didn't have a traumatic childhood, I didn't have any like trauma in my life. And she's like none, like not, not even like a small thing. And I was like no, like I, I don't, I can't think of anything.
Speaker 2:And then, as we go through stuff and she's just like, okay, so you're like your dad abandoned your whole entire family, like well, that's kind of traumatic. And I was like, right, yeah, but it was fine, like it was just. And then this you do well, it's fine, I mean. And then, well, I mean we turned out fine. And she's like, yeah, but that doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic, that's how our moms treat it.
Speaker 2:That's exactly because both of our moms are because, like I, they survived.
Speaker 2:And so they're like oh, we survived, yeah, you survived, but goddamn is like, was like through all of your children's trauma, yeah, and I, and there's things that I think about that, like I don't know that my mom knows that I remember because I was so young but like I remember, like with her husband one one of her husbands being like extremely physically abusive towards her, and I don't know that, she knows I know that and that was traumatic for me, cause that's the thing it's like there's all these other instances where other men and I'm seeing them and I'm like so everyone just either leaves, or they abuse you or they just die or cheat on you, like what is?
Speaker 2:Why are we in relationships like? That's my mindset from just I think I was probably, I think maybe it was like six when I remember that happening but um, yeah, and so then you go, oh, yeah, I guess those things were kind of traumatic, like if you sure, like I guess. But yeah, I think it's hard when you have parents that are just also kind of like all right, get over it. And then you, so you just push everything out and you're just like all right, well, I guess it's fine. I don't know what the fuck I am crying about. And then you also sometimes just over, almost like overcompensate. So my thing too. I think, because of my heavy distrust in men, I was always like I will never put myself in a position where any man is going to be responsible for like my livelihood or my finances or like that'll never be.
Speaker 2:because I know and again, this is, this was like before I was.
Speaker 2:I mean, I would say I still kind of think like this, but I go if at any point I need to get out or if at any point they're gonna leave, or like I don't want to be fucked, so I will never, ever be in that situation.
Speaker 2:And so then I think that's what pushed me so hard with, like when I started my business and I wanted to do all this stuff and ever since then, just being like I want to just be so successful that, like I want to make more money than them. I don't want them to feel like they have power over me in any way or like I'm relying on them for anything. And so I really think that was such like a driving factor and why I would work these like 70 hour weeks trying to like build this business and be like no, this is going to be a thing, this is going to be so successful and um. So it's like, in one way, it sucks to like have this mindset like that, but at the um, on the other hand, it's like okay, but then look at what has come from it now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and so I think that's the thing that's. The main thing is like not only recognizing and facing your past you know traumas but also taking them and turning it into something positive for yourself or for other people, like is the best thing that you can do about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think like I'm the opposite, where, like I want someone to take care of me, I still run in that trauma Like I want. Well, like when I say, like I want the boys to all like me, I want Drew to like love me so much he wants to take care of me.
Speaker 1:So I feel like I mean it's fine if I make more money than him or whatever, but I just feel like I want you to do everything for me and take care of me, Cause that makes me feel so loved you know, like one of my love languages, whatever and so I just feel like just do everything and take care of me so I don't have to do anything. But really I'm not going to not do anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that too is like you know, I think the trauma from my mom like just working, just like one job I mean she worked two jobs at one point but like just not being able to like have a job, that like was like making her money when she like needed the money, yeah, I think that's why I'm such a fucking hustler, because I'm like I'll fucking do anything, I'll fucking sell my pussy.
Speaker 2:I don't give a shit.
Speaker 1:I'll open my pussy lips right up on OnlyFans. Ew yeah like I need to hustle and I don't get not having that hustle and that grind.
Speaker 2:We always talk about that and, too, I mean because that's how my mom was too, because I think too like my mom had to be like and we were just in this. I feel like it was just. I really think back and I really allow myself to think about everything. I'm like God. My childhood was pretty tumultuous until I was like 10.
Speaker 2:And then after that, it was so much better because, like we lived with my grandparents and then we had like a stable upbringing up, because my grandparents finally saw what was happening. They were just like what the hell's happening here, we can't just do? Yeah, I think ours was.
Speaker 1:I mean our shit was bad until we were. Drew and I were like 26, oh good, all the way through great come. I mean at least we had each other. But I that point, you know still dealing with my mom's, like going to bingo every night and all that.
Speaker 1:And then we lost our house and then you know, we would move and like we didn't have any money and we had these stupid kids, young Like I mean. That carried on all the way until we like, even when we bought a house, I was still like probably all the way until we were like we were 30. I feel like it was tough all the way through. I often think about God. It's just so dramatic. For so long, jesus. No wonder I need to drink a lot of alcohol.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you do, and smoke a lot of cigarettes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just love to smoke cigarettes. I just want to smoke them all the time.
Speaker 2:I know, I think too. That's like when my therapist asked me that it's like to me. When I really think about my childhood, I I typically think from age. It was nine, I think it was almost 10. I was like from 10 and up to me, that's my childhood. I don't really ever think about before that and I so when she's asking me, I'm just like yeah, it was great. What do you mean? Like yeah? Yeah, we just had like we lived in this nice house. We had these like great holidays, all these family get-togethers, blah, blah, blah, blah and uh. But if I think before they go, oh, yeah, that part was not good.
Speaker 2:The first half was the second half we were great, yeah, but the first half it was like my mom was kind of like in one relationship and then another and then they were abusive and we were in and out of like apartments. She was working three, three jobs all the time, and that's the thing too. It was like she was always working, working, working, working it was. She was like we'll always have like what we need, like she was like we're never going to be homeless, we're never going to be like hungry, but I mean we might not have anything else but she would just hustle so hard and so the same.
Speaker 2:I think that's also why, when we talk about it and it's just like I can't imagine not having that inner like drive, yeah, yeah, it's just kind of ingrained in you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I feel like I just want to hustle you know I don't know why it's like ridiculous, Like we make good enough money now but I just why can't we just chill like we make good enough money now, but why can't we just chill? I want more like things and I want to do more things and I want to like live this life, and so I just feel like that comes with needing more money to be able to do those types of things. You know, yeah, yeah, I really hate like that.
Speaker 2:We have to have trauma well, I know it's hard too, because there is so much uh like generational trauma and so every generation it kind of changes. And then we talk about how, like you, we think that we're parenting better than our parents did, but really we won't really know until later the drama we really put our kids through.
Speaker 1:And I think for me, I because I was a young parent I uh like went the other way and then went too much the other way, you know, and so I was like too strict and too like in control, because my mom just was just like meh, just that's. You're going to be out all day and then you're going to like just figure it out Like you got to, like she was working, and she also just doesn't understand, like I mean, I'm really generalizing, but like I think when you come to this country and it's a whole different ballgame I think some of us kids like we get these parents where, like we have to kind of parent them because we're noticing how the world works a little bit more because we were born here and all that stuff, and so I think that I am like fall victim to that a little bit. Yeah, like having to parent my parent. You know, um, and I mean my mom and I have a great relationship.
Speaker 1:You know, when I was like 16 or something, I really hated her, of course, yeah and uh, so we went through that, but we have a great relationship now. My fucking kids love her. You know, she really helped us when I have the kids, and like drew and I lived with her for free for a long time until we were 27. And so, like she really helped us, like those years later. It's just like when we were young she didn't really parent to us, so it was just like kind of a tough thing. You know so, and I was so much older than the boys that it just like fell on me, you know, to take care of and to do things you know, and so that's traumatic in itself that you just had to like grow up, like I already had to grow up, because, you know, sexually I had to grow up really fast, early.
Speaker 2:And then now I'm like taking care of these two kids to to like help out or whatever, and so that's fucking dramatic too I know, and you know, it's like some, like some of the stuff I think about too with, uh, even like my sister, which you know I don't really I don't really I don't really want to talk about my sister on on here, but like I will say, like I do think that my sister dealt with a lot of stuff growing up that nobody recognized or acknowledged.
Speaker 2:And I think one of the bigger things was like I mean, she does struggle with some mental health stuff like anxiety, depression, things like that. And I think when she was younger, it was like we didn't really, you know, you didn't really talk about that at that time and so I just remember my family being so like what's wrong with you? Like it was always this like god, you're so dramatic and almost like this sounds fucked up, but it's like we kind of made fun of her, like that's dramatic. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like I think she grew up like struggling with all this stuff, when everyone's like god, why are you such a drama queen?
Speaker 1:like get over yourself and it's hard because, like I mean, they don't really tell parents, like I mean, now they do, like that your kids should go to like therapy when they're like younger, like I think that the only reason that I went to therapy young was because I was molested and the people on my mom would never have done that, for the people on base were like she needs to go to this and you need to take her, and these are the you know and all the resources, yeah yeah, and we'll sign you up and it's free, right and all that.
Speaker 1:But then, when we were growing up, no one was going to therapy?
Speaker 2:nobody, they weren't doing family therapy?
Speaker 1:they weren't doing any of that shit no and I yeah.
Speaker 2:No, that's a like I don't think my family would have ever even thought of that yeah, and so I think that's, I think that is a huge part of why there's like tension between my sister and I, and I can understand that maybe she has some feelings or whatever about maybe like other people in our family and stuff like that, because she was treated like that.
Speaker 2:And I mean, I feel like that too because I feel like I I was never diagnosed with ADHD until right later thirties my thirties, yeah, and I feel like when it, when that happened, I was like it just felt like my whole life made sense. It was like, oh my God, like no wonder. All just felt like my whole life made sense. It was like, oh my god, like no wonder all the like I struggled so hard, because it was everyone. It was always like this like well, what, you're so smart, why are you like getting these bad grades? Or like, why are you doing such a shitty job in school? And it's like it. It was just like you're so lazy. It was always like this you're so lazy, you're so like you're not.
Speaker 2:Uh, you're just such like an underachiever, like it was my fault when it really wasn't yeah and so it was kind of like I think that is a that's hard for me too when it comes to work. I think that's also why I like, really like try so hard and. I really throw myself into it, cause I'm like, I'm not an underachiever, like no, you know.
Speaker 2:And it's like this, because I'm just ingrained in myself Like you don't try hard enough. You're like you, you have what it was just like. You have such high like potential but you just you're not even, you're not living up to your potential, and it because you're choosing not to when really it was like it wasn't a choice. That really wasn't a choice, and so stuff like that I think you don't realize until later, some of the stuff that you go man, that was kind of shitty, that was kind of not really that was. That was kind of like you're at the time you don't understand, like are you saying this? Why are you? And you don't know what's wrong either, so you can't like vocalize it or get any help with it and so anyway.
Speaker 1:So I think that I think that's why you have to see a therapist because you can't recognize what's happening yeah yeah, like even just to for check-ins like just like you know, when you go, do your like yearly physical. That's what you have to do Do a little check-in. Because you just don't really know that something is. They just like kind of pull it out of you. Yeah, yeah, well, this is a fun one. I feel really happy now. Yeah, now, I didn't even take a shot and it's only 11 o'clock.
Speaker 2:I, oh my gosh well. So just hopefully this episode helps everyone recognize that you can not only take your traumas and turn it into something really positive for yourself and for your life and for other people, but that sometimes it's just a matter of even recognizing what that trauma looks like to begin with yeah, so you can take control of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, take it back. Yeah, take your power back. Yeah, take your pussy back.
Speaker 2:Take your pussy back so you can put a penis in it, your poofy pussy.
Speaker 1:Ew, ew. Why is it poofy?
Speaker 2:I don't know it's swollen you can't be serious for the episode. We had to just end it on something yeah, a poofy, poofy, poofy, poofy, poofy, poofy oh god, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, hope you guys enjoyed this episode yeah, I hope you're having fun or something.
Speaker 2:I hope you're having fun listening about trauma yep yeah, okay, all right, we'll see you guys next time. Yeah, okay, what do we say? Tits up, nicks out.